


A Reason to Fight (Levi x Reader x Erwin)

by Ginjaninja1213



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Inner Dialogue, Jealousy, Love Confessions, POV Eren Yeager, POV Erwin Smith, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 310,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginjaninja1213/pseuds/Ginjaninja1213
Summary: *Mature Content Warning*A very talented new female soldier has joined the Survey Corps, but she still remains a mystery. She conceals her identity as best she can, but her secrets will come out eventually. How will her fellow scouts react when they learn about her past? With a rough past to deal with, can she handle dealing with everything, especially when some fellow scout's feelings get involved?(Y/n/n) - your nickname(Y/n) - your name(L/n) - your last name(H/c) - Hair colour(H/l) - hair length(E/c) - eye colourI made up some characters for the sake of the story, but, as always, any AOT characters are owned by the amazing Hajime Isayama! Hope you enjoy the fan fiction! This fan fiction does contain mature subject matter, so be aware of that!Fair warning, there is going to be language and eventually there will be some lemon chapters as the story progresses. But I will put up a warning if there is going to be a lemon chapter, so you can skip it if you want.
Relationships: Erwin/Reader, Levi/Reader, Mike/Reader
Comments: 81
Kudos: 210





	1. The Recommendation

The sounds of your footsteps echoed in the hallway, as you make your way to the Ex-Commander's office.

You pulled your hood further in front of your face, hoping no one else is around.

"No one is going to recognize you here, (y/n)." Notes your companion walking to your left, with a smirk. "Even so, I don't want to take any chances." You answered as your head swivels from left to right, to confirm you two are still the only ones around.

The man walking next to you pulled on your arm for you to stop, looking for your familiar (e/c) eyes hidden under your hood. "You don't have to do this, (y/n)," he said softly, "you'll have full citizenship in less than 2 months."

You lifted your hood slightly, meeting his cool hazel eyes with your determined (e/c) ones, "I know, Peter. But you know that's not why I'm doing this." You squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. You know he doesn't really approve of your choice, but he has known you long enough to know when your mind is made up.

He sighs heavily as he lets go of your hand, and runs his hand nervously through his ear length curly black hair. He decides to leave it at that, and leads the rest of the way to the office of Keith Shadis.

"Do you think he will remember who you are?" Peter asks without looking back at you. You were silent for a moment, pondering your answer. It's been 4 years since you met Shadis, and the circumstances of your meeting weren't exactly ideal. But he has met many people under similar circumstances, so you doubted he would recognize you.

"I don't think so, but it doesn't matter," your eyes darken a bit at the memory, "maybe it is best he doesn't, but regardless it doesn't have anything to do with why I want his recommendation." Peter nods quietly and doesn't push you any further; he knows it's a touchy subject for you.

He hasn't seen you so adamant about something in a long time. When you heard about the scouts having a human that can turn into a titan, you had been determined to find your way into the scouts.

You and Peter reach Keith Shadis' door, taking a deep breath you knock softly on the wooden door.

A loud mumble can be heard from the other side of the door, signalling for you to come inside. You slowly open the door and walk inside the small office, Peter following closely behind you.

Shadis raises his head slowly and nods at Peter, "Dr. Thompson, is this the woman you were referring to?" Peter nods as you step forward, hood still pulled over your eyes.

Shadis' usual frown deepens as he looks disapprovingly at your hood covered face. "Remove your hood, please." He says as he sits back in his seat, crossing his arms.

"Do titans need to know what I look like before devouring me?" You smirk sarcastically. You pull your hood back slightly, just enough so you can clearly see Shadis' face. That may have been a mistake. You're not one to back down, but something menacing darkened his eyes. You decided he probably wasn't one to be snarky with. Noted.

You reluctantly pulled your hood off, revealing your large (e/c) eyes, soft pink lips and (h/c) hair pulled back in a tight braid. Even though he tried to hide it, Shadis couldn't help but appreciate your beautiful features.

Your (e/c) eyes looked everywhere around the room, but not directly at Shadis. No matter how many times men marvelled at your looks, it still made you uncomfortable.

Peter chuckled a little bit, noticing how uncomfortable you were. "This is (y/n) (l/n), she-," "I know who she is," Shadis interrupted Peter, not taking his eyes off of you, "we've met."

You finally decide to meet his gaze, taking note that it seems to have softened a bit. "I still don't really understand why you're trying too conceal your identity." Shadis commented, almost to himself. "I have my reasons." You mumble as you shift your weight from left to right uncomfortably.

You don't like thinking about the past, and the events that lead you to this point. What Shadis thinks he knows or doesn't know had nothing to do with your current goal. You left that life in the past, and the only way to stay away from it, is to hide your identity.

Shadis waits for you to speak up again, but when he is only met with silence, he sighs heavily, "Look Mrs. -," "Ms." You corrected him right away, cool (e/c) eyes meeting his cold stare. "Ms. (L/n), I don't know why you're coming to me for a fast track to the scouts. If you're looking to join the Survey Corps, you can go through the years of training like everyone else." Shadis uncrosses his arms and brings his focus back to the papers on his desk. "If you're looking to join the scouts immediately, it's Commander Erwin you need to talk to, not me."

"I've tried writing letters, asking for a meeting, but I get told the same thing, 'go through the training.'" You were getting annoyed from all the rejection. You knew you already had the skill to be a very valuable asset to the scouts. But no one was giving you the chance to prove your worth.

I'm not wasting anymore time. I don't need the training, I will get there somehow I just have to. I don't have the time to waste... You thought to yourself, growing more and more frustrated.

"I know I'm ready for the scouts, if I can just show them my skills, I know they will recruit me right away." You walk closer to his desk and sit in the chair in front of him. "Let me show you what I can do," you try to meet his eyes, but he is still looking down at the papers on his desk. "Please sir, I'm not wasting a few more years of my life not making myself useful. I don't know how much longer I have until..." You trail off, lost in thought.

"I wouldn't have recommended you meet with her if I weren't confidant she would be useful." Peter spoke up after a long uncomfortable silence, causing you to jump a little at his voice, forgetting that he was even still in the room.

Shadis studies you for a bit longer; you meet his stare calmly, waiting for his response.

"Alright, I'll give you an hour. If you're not exceptional, I never want to see your stubborn ass again for wasting my time. If you are as good as you and Dr. Thompson claim, I will recommend you to Erwin."

You smile thankfully at Shadis as he stands to lead you out to the training grounds. You were finally going to get your chance. You were excited for your new beginning; eager to leave your past behind. You knew it would be hard, and you just hoped no one would care enough about you wearing your hood at all times, to question who you really were. The focus should be on the titans, not to reveal the personal lives of scouts.... or so you hoped.

**Erwin's POV**

Making my way to the training grounds, I am a little frustrated. Shadis knows what it's like being the Commander of the Survey Corps, yet here he is, requesting my time to watch some girl practice vertical maneuvering, hand to hand combat and horseback riding.

"Why are we doing this again? Can't the shitty brat go through the proper training?" Levi complained to no one in particular.

"Shadis only requested Erwin's presence, Levi," Hange replied, "You don't have to come." Levi glares at Hange and fell silent again. "At least I have no trouble admitting that I'm genuinely curious. Shadis has never recommended someone who hasn't gone through basic training." Hange's eyes shine with excitement.

"Also, didn't you join the scouts without going through training, Levi?" Mike chimes in, smirking at the warning glare Levi shoots his way.

If I'm honest, I am pretty curious myself. Shadis never shows any sort of favouritism toward anyone, regardless of skill, let alone some random civilian. This better be worth it.

**Author's POV**

You shifted your weight nervously from left to right. Even though you got Shadis' approval, you still had to impress the actual Commander of the scouts.

Making sure your hood was securely obscuring your face, you look up to see a group of 4 people walking towards you and Shadis.

There was a very tall man with sand coloured hair hanging just above his eyes, and a beard. Next to him was a be-speckled brunette with a high pony tail, and walking just behind her was a smaller man with black hair and steel coloured eyes. But the one who looked the most intimidating to you, is the other tall man with blonde hair slicked back neatly and piercing blue eyes.

You stopped shuffling around uncomfortably, and stood silently, waiting for one of them to address you directly.

The group makes their way over to Shadis, each politely greeting the ex-Commander. They were speaking quietly amongst theme selves, so you couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

The woman in the group is the first one to approach you, "Oh! Levi, look! Someone who is shorter than you!" You narrow your eyes at the woman for commenting on your height, not that she would notice since your hood was still covering your face. "I'm not that much shorter." You mumble to yourself.

"Hello," the woman greeted you enthusiastically, "I'm Hange Zoe, and I'm a squad leader in the scouts!" You nodded and saluted her appropriately.

The three men and Shadis made their way over to you and Hange. The two tall men nodded at you, but the shorter man, who must be 'Levi', crosses his arms and scowled at you.

"You've never gone out of your way to recommend someone like this before," Levi commented to Shadis, not taking his eyes off of you, "what is your relationship with her?" You know what he is insinuating, and it's pissing you off.

This Levi guy may be intimidating, but you're just as feisty, and you will not have someone accuse you of sleeping with someone to get a recommendation.

"You got us," you say sarcastically, taking Levi by surprise a little bit, "But it was just a one-time thing. I couldn't help myself, I assumed all his aggression would make him good in bed, but honestly he's kind of boring to sleep with." You could hear Hange and the tallest man try to conceal a chuckle, while the tall blonde man covered his mouth, to keep from showing a small grin.

"As you can see, she's also fucking hilarious," Shadis growled, shooting you a dangerous glare, "can we get this over with so you can get her out of my hair." He must have known you were thinking of mentioning the fact that he didn't have any hair, because his gaze became even more venomous.

Even though Shadis and you only spent a couple hours together, while he was evaluating you, but he figured out very fast that you're a smart ass who loves pushing buttons.

"Oh I like her! Can I keep her, Erwin? Please!" Hange begged the tall blonde man, while walking closer to you. You stiffen as she pulls you into a tight hug. Due to your past, you don't typically like physical contact, especially not from strangers.

She let go of you and studied you. "You've got some nice curves for someone so small! Boobs and butt, impressive!" Your lips purse tightly, you're used to getting compliments and criticisms about your body. Growing up where you did, that's all too common an occurrence. But hearing it here, made you all the more uncomfortable.

"Is she always like this?" You direct your question at the men in her group. "Yes." They all answer in unison.

"It's just the way the belts fit," you finally respond to Hange, "they make them more pronounced. If it's a problem or a distraction, don't blame me, blame my gender." Hange laughed and patted you on the back, "No need to be like that, I don't mind at all!"

"Heartwarming," Shadis mumbles, stepping forward, "but can we get on with this, I have a busy day." The tall blonde man nods and steps closer to you, eyes narrowing at your hood covered face, "Name please." He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"(Y/n/n)." Shadis answers for you. The blonde man looks at Shadis, large eyebrows raised, "That's her first name? What is her last name?" "Is it relevant?" You interrupt, before Shadis can answer for you again, "Do titans need to know my name before I slaughter them?"

"No, but the people who fight alongside you may feel more comfortable around you, if they know who you are," the tall blonde says, frowning down at you, "plus, we place a lot of trust in each other as soldiers. How are your fellow soldiers going to trust you, when they don't know who you are?"

He has a point, you know it. To be honest, you don't know how you will get others to trust you. You're hoping your skills will speak for themselves, but that's probably wishful thinking.

"(Y/n/n), is a name I was given, but no, it is not my given name." You try to look up at him, without letting your hood fall back too far, "I know I may be asking a lot for you to trust me. I know you won't right away, but you will eventually, I know it." You thought you would push your luck a little bit more. "Another thing sir, and correct me if I'm mistaken, but I heard you once recruited 3 criminals from the underground. One of whom turned out to be a very valuable asset to the scouts." You turned your head toward Levi, who was giving you a cold 'if looks could kill' look.

The tall blonde analyzes you silently, until Shadis cuts in, "For what it's worth, Erwin, I trust her." You hear Levi scoff as the blonde man, Erwin, considers Shadis' words.

You're usually pretty good at reading people, but this man is very difficult to read; he doesn't give anything away. "Alright, well let's get started." Erwin says as he turns on his heels and walks towards the 3DMG training ground.

You breathe a sigh of relief as you jog to catch up to him, Erwin's other 3 companions and Shadis following behind.

**Erwin's POV**

I wasn't really expecting much, but I wasn't expecting this. She flew through the 3DMG course like she was born with wings. Her movements are fast and precise, and her cuts to the dummy titans were never too shallow. I hadn't seen anyone with this level of skill since Levi and his companions from the underground.

Her equine skills were commendable, clearly a natural when it comes to interacting with horses. She was able to stand up, take off and land perfectly on the horse.

Her hand to hand combat was very good, although I could tell she was holding back a little. She was able to hold her own against Levi, but I could tell she was more focused on keeping her hood up. I can't deny that she would be a valuable soldier, however I would be lying if I said her insistence to keeping her identity a secret didn't concern me. I will definitely be keeping a close eye on her.

(Y/n/n) is breathing heavily as I make my way over toward her. She stands up straight, pulling her hood down a little farther down her face; that seems to be a nervous tick of hers. "Don't make me regret this cadet. Welcome to the Survey Corps." I say as I hold out my hand for her to shake. I hear her breathe a sigh of relief as she shakes my hand firmly and thanks me.

"Levi wants you on his squad, but I'll be keeping an eye on you as well." She releases my hand and nods, "You won't regret this sir, thank you again."

I nod at her and make my way towards Shadis, "I assume you're not going to tell me if I were to ask how you met (y/n/n)." Shadis nods stiffly, "I don't feel it would be going against her wishes if I told you she is acquainted with Dr. Peter Thompson," I raise my eyebrows at this new information, "she seems to have some sort of medical background, so you can use her to help triage in the field."

Medical professionals are always needed on missions; the faster injured scouts receive help on the field, the better their odds of survival. Doctors, like Dr. Thompson, for the scouts stay on the inside of the walls, and who can blame them. We only have a few scouts with some medical training, that go out into the field, but they are difficult to replace when they die.

I shake Shadis' hand and bid him goodbye, then I make my way to the rest of my companions. "I said I wanted her first, Erwin! Levi has enough excellent soldiers, and a titan!" Hange pouts as we make our way back to HQ. "Shut it, shitty glasses," Levi retorts, annoyed by her childish whining, "she is a good fighter, not someone for you to toy with."

"She's just so mysterious, I can't help it! I'm definitely going to figure out who she is, if I don't it's going to drive me insane." Hange babbled on to Levi, who stopped paying attention to her at this point.

I secretly hope Hange will find out, whoever this girl is she's definitely an interesting person. I hope to find out more about her as well, though not as openly as Hange. This may get interesting...


	2. Chapter 2: The Sparring Match

It's been over a month since you joined the scouts. It hasn't been easy, at first, people were pretty wary of you, and you don't blame them. You don't mind though, you much prefer being by yourself. But over the past few days, you've been getting more and more people hanging around you. Mostly trying to ask you questions, to which you don't really answer. 

Training has been difficult for sure, but definitely made harder by the sadistic short stack, who makes his squad do way more than is necessary, especially the cleaning.

Every once in awhile, you feel eyes on you during meals when you are all together. You've caught most of your superiors, including Erwin, Hange, Mike and Levi, staring at you a lot. You can't tell if they are still suspicious of you or just curious. Though Hange and Nanaba do go out of their way a lot to try and get you to reveal something about yourself; they have not been successful yet. 

You have to admit, it's kind of amusing. You know they are trying to collect the littlest things they think they know about you, and try their best to guess where you may have come from. They have gotten close a few times, but of course you will never tell them that.

It is dinner time and you sigh in relief when you see an open table in the corner. You have been getting along well with Eren, and he has introduced you to his close group of friends. But you still relish in your alone time, then you don't have anyone bothering you with all their questions. 

You are not by yourself for long though. Hange walks into the Mess Hall and notices you sitting by yourself. She smiles brightly at you, and brings her food trey over to sit right across from you. You groan audibly and do your trademark hood pull to make sure it's still securely in place. 

"There she is!" Hange greets you cheerfully as she takes a sip of her drink, "How are you today, love?" Before you can answer, you notice Nanaba, Gelgar, Levi, Mike and Erwin sit at your table too. 

Fuck, I can handle each of them individually.... But altogether... this is going to be a long dinner. You thought to yourself. 

"Alright, where are we starting today, Hange?" You sigh, knowing what's coming next. "Straight to the point, I like it." Hange laughs, "Let's start with hair, do you have any?" 

"Yes, I have hair." 

"What colour is it? Black, brown, blonde or maybe red?" Asks Hange 

"Yes." You reply simply 

"... which one?" She frowns at you.

"Definitely one of those." You smirk. 

Hange sighs in frustration; you smirk wider in satisfaction. 

"How about eyes," Nanaba cuts in, "so, do you have eyes?" 

"Nope." 

"Cute. What colour?" 

"Black, like my soul." 

"I would say bland for both, kind of like her personality." Levi added, casually observing the exchange. 

"Yeah, pretty much." You agree. You know from experience not to take anything personally, don't let yourself get frustrated, don't accidentally give anything away. 

"So what's the real reason for the hood?" Gelgar chimes into the interrogation, "Facial deformity? Embarrassing birthmark? Scarring? Are you just really ugly?" 

"Yes, that's it, I'm ugly. I am just waiting until my first mission, where I can show you my real skill in how I can scare away titans with just my face." You answer him, trying to be as serious as possible. 

Realizing they are not going to get much more out of you, they idly chat amongst themselves. 

Levi's POV 

The brat must be used to getting weird questions all the time, I know she gets them from the other members of our squad. Not as much from Oluo, he tends to keep his distance from her. I'll ask her questions here and there, but I think I've figured out a little bit about her. 

She's definitely from the underground, her skills in combat are a dead giveaway. No one who has grown up above ground learns how to fight as desperately and as fearlessly as those from the underground do. Simple because when you fight underground, you fight to kill. 

She's a strange one indeed, still despite myself I feel drawn to her. Typically I don't care much to get to know other scouts on a personal level. But for her I find myself getting more and more curious.

I watch her pick at the food on her plate, absentmindedly. She gets uncomfortable when there is a group of people around her. She doesn't typically start conversations, rather it seems she hopes people just ignore her and don't include her in casual chit chat. Even though she tries to make herself unapproachable, it doesn't really work; she draws people in without even trying. 

I see the Titan brat make his way from the table he was sitting at, over to (y/n/n). "(Y/n/n), I have some time now, if you're available of course." Eren notifies (y/n/n), "Um, okay, sure." She excused herself from the table and, to my disappointment, left with him. 

Your POV 

I was kind of glad when Eren came to get me, he's gotten me out of a few uncomfortable situations. But this time he did actually have a reason for coming to get me. He has been asking me to help with his hand to hand combat skills. I've dodged him for awhile, needlessly putting myself in a situation where I can be exposed doesn't sound like the best idea for me. But he has helped me out a lot over the past month and a half, so I decided to let my guard down a bit and help him. 

"I don't understand why you don't just ask Mikasa, I'm sure she is chomping at the bit to help you with anything, including wiping your ass." I effused, enjoying the death glare I received. "I want to learn from you," he answered quietly. I thought he was going to continue, but he left it at that. 

"What about Levi? I know he loves a good excuse to send cadets tumbling into the dirt." I chuckled at the mental image. "I'm sure he would just make me clean more instead." Eren retorted, "Believe it or not, I'm sure Levi has more than one reason as to why he has us clean so much," I explain, "His primary objective is definitely because he's a clean freak, the secondary reason is probably because he likes watching us suffer, but I'd wager his tertiary reason is to help your technique." 

Eren stops walking and stares at me, "How is cleaning supposed to help me in combat?" I turn around to look at him before continuing, "Think of how you block punches, is the movement so dissimilar to the way you clean windows and floors?" He considers that for a moment, and seems to accept my explanation before we continue walking. (Karate Kid reference! Is Levi just Mr. Miyagi?!) 

We reached the training area, and I asked Eren to show me his fighting stance. I was impressed by his technique; his arms and fists were up and close to his centre, and his legs were not too far apart, "Not bad, who taught you that?" 

"A friend I had when I was in training," he smiles at the memory, "she even sent Reiner flying!" 

"That's great, I'd love to meet her." I laugh at Eren's excitement. "She joined the Military Police." Eren said, starting to sound dejected. "That doesn't mean you won't see her again." I say to Eren, trying to cheer him up a little. 

"Now come on," I push him gently, "let's get to it." Immediately Eren got back into position, waiting for me to make the first move. 

"Are you afraid to die, Eren?" I asked, throwing him off guard a little bit. "What kind of a question is that?" He challenged me, eyes narrowing, "Everybody is afraid to die." 

"That may be true," I acknowledged, "but when you're in a life or death situation, fear can hold you back. One of the first things that was taught to me was, 'embrace the concept of your imminent death.'" Eren looks at me confused, "isn't the goal to not die." 

"Sure," I reassure him, "but if you're not afraid of dying, nothing will hold you back. Too often, subconsciously, we hold back because we are afraid, even when we don't want to admit it. It is written all over our body language." My explanation still seems to confuse Eren, "When you're in a real fight, there is always a real chance you could die, no matter who you are up against. Train your mind to accept that, and don't let your opponent use your fear against you." 

Eren listens carefully to me, considering my words, "Who taught you that?" I pause before I answer, "My father." I smirk to myself, that's about the only thing he has done for me throughout my life time, other than being a glorified sperm donor. 

Not wanting to answer anymore personal questions, I take up my defensive stance, making Eren aware that I didn't want to talk anymore. As Eren shuffles toward me, I back out of his striking range, noticing he is watching my face and my feet. "Don't stare at my feet, Eren. You keep your eyes at your opponent's chest. You can watch my limbs in your peripheral vision, you can't detect my next movements by staring only at my face or feet." 

I notice Eren's face get a little redder as he stares at my chest. I decide to have a little fun with his reaction, "Eren! Stop staring at my tits!" As expected, Eren immediately averts his eyes from me, embarrassed. I give him a round house kick directly to his chest, knocking him over. 

"Never take your eyes off your opponent, Eren." I grin down at him, offering my hand to help him up. "That was a dirty trick." He mumbles, accepting my helping hand to pull him up, "If you want to play fair, ask someone else to help you." 

After I pull him up, immediately, he starts throwing punches. I block them with ease, countering with a few punches of my own. While his hands are occupied, I kick hard at his shin. He winces, giving me another opportunity while he was off balance, to knock him down. 

I bent down and kicked his other leg out, sending him toppling to the ground once again. "You have to condition your legs more. Here, have a go at my shin." Eren gets up and holds his arms up to block, just in case I decided to throw any punches as I invite him to have a go at me. He kicks my shin about as hard as I kicked him, but instead of wincing and shifting my weight on my other leg, my form remains intact, as if I don't even feel it. 

"I recommend more running and kicking dummies, that's a good way to start improving the density of your leg bones. Stronger legs, stronger stance and your opponent is less likely to knock you off balance with a shin kick." 

Eren nods, showing he is listening to me and gets back into position. I raise my arms in my defensive stance, and wait for him to come at me again. We exchange more punches, kicks and counters, then, after awhile, Eren is finally starting to predict my movements better. 

I kick his leg again, confident that I can knock him on his ass again. As I lean down to deal my next blow, Eren takes that opportunity to grab my hood and pull it back. I freeze at this unforeseen circumstance, and Eren takes advantage of my hesitation to push me to the ground and perch himself on top of me. 

I breathe heavily, trying to pull my arms away from Eren's grip, but it's useless, he has me and he knows it. 

Eren's POV

Funny that she preaches about not showing your opponent your weakness, when clearly her weakness is people seeing the real her. I decided to try and pull her hood off, exploiting that weakness, and smile triumphantly. 

But I look down at her and freeze, the smile disappearing from my face. She had such a beautiful face, that it left me kind of speechless; I guess it just was not what I was expecting. I've never seen that shade of (h/c) before. It was pulled back in a braid, but it was slightly messy from all the fighting. She had stunning big (e/c) eyes that stare warily up at me. 

She struggled under my grip, but I held her in place as I studied her features, memorizing everything. "Never let your opponent see your weakness, (y/n/n)." I finally say as I smirk down at her. 

(Y/n/n) swears quietly, and flushed a deep crimson. My smirk is removed from my face when I see her embarrassed look; she looked absolutely adorable. "You don't have to be so nervous," I say gently to her, trying to ease her worries a bit, "I don't recognize you or anything, if that's what you're worried about." That seems to calm her down a bit, as she stops struggling. 

"Can you let me up now, please?" She coaxed me quietly. I stood up with a grunt and reached out a hand for her to take to help her up. She looks up at me with a small smile, and accepts my help. Almost immediately, she pulls her hood back over her head. "I already saw you, just keep the hood down while we're together." I protested when she hides her pretty face again. 

"It's not that I don't trust you, Eren," she reassured me, "Anybody can walk by and recognize me." She dusted herself off and looked toward me. "I think we have been practicing long enough, time to head back." 

I nod reluctantly and walk with her back to HQ. "I won't tell anyone that I saw your face, so please don't worry." I wanted her to know she can trust me, I would never want to be on her bad side. 

She tilts her hood back enough for me to see her beautiful (e/c) eyes once again, "Thank you, Eren, I trust you. But don't expect to use that move on me again." She smiles jokingly. I hadn't seen her smile so widely, so it took me by surprise. I was stunned at how much prettier she looked with that wide grin. 

She made her way towards the women's dorms, leaving me with my imagination running wild. Thinking of scenarios where I can make her smile in the future; I would love to see that smiling face again. I sigh and make my way over to the men's dorms. 

Your POV 

I can't believe I was so stupid. I opened myself up to being exposed, and that's exactly what happened. I didn't expect Eren to know who I was, I doubt he ever made his way to wall Sina before entering the scouts. So the likelihood of him recognizing me was very slim. 

I will have to be more careful, especially if I'm going to keep helping Eren out. Anyone can walk by during a sparing session, and maybe that person has been to the capital, and maybe that person will remember me. I'm starting to go a little crazy with paranoia. I was also concerned with the way I reacted to being pinned by Eren. 

The way he looked down when he saw my face sparked obscene memories from my past. Memories I've been trying hard to forget. There was a point where I didn't see Eren anymore, I saw a man who only had one thing on his mind. And that's not fair to Eren because I know he is not like that. I shake my head trying to think about something else. Maybe I should go see Peter... 

Instead of heading to my room, I instead make my way toward Peter's office, closer to the men's dormitories. I'm so glad I have him so close for me to talk to. We may not live together anymore, but I still craved the talks we would have. So it helps he has an office associated with the Survey Corps, not just his private practice in Stohess district. 

It isn't too long before I reach his door, I hope he hasn't left for home yet. I knock quietly on his door, and breathe a sigh of relief when I hear him invite me in. I let myself in and shut the door behind me. I pull down my hood and smile sweetly at him. "Hi Peter, I hope you're well." Peter looks up at me from his desk, and motions for me to sit in the chair in front of him. 

"Yes, and you, (y/n)?" 

"Quite well, thank you." I say politely as I take my seat. "So formal," Peter remarks, "not quite what I was expecting from you." I shrug nonchalantly, "Maybe the scouts are finally rubbing off on me, turning me into an obedient soldier." 

"Somehow I doubt that." He chuckles, sitting back in his seat, waiting for me to continue. "I know when you have something on your mind, (y/n). Just tell me what's wrong." I bite my lip nervously, "I was sparing with Eren and long story short, he saw my face." 

"Well, that was bound to happen eventually." Peter nods and motions for me to continue. "He had me pinned and I started having flash backs and I just froze." I didn't have to continue, I know he understands what I was thinking in the moment. 

"(Y/n), you know that's going to happen, PTSD isn't something that just goes away. It's something you have to live with; you're going to have moments like that, especially in such a high stress job." 

"I know, I thought I was done with the flash backs though; it's been so long since I've had a moment where I just froze like that in a long time..." I trail off without finishing my train of thought. "Get some sleep, (y/n). I'll walk you to your dorm." Peter stands up and walks around his desk to put a hand on my shoulder. 

"No. Thank you though; I don't want anyone to see that we're close." I say as I stand up and pull my hood back on. Peter nods and walks me to the door and stops me before I walk out, "Jack and Ellie miss you, you should come home and visit them when you can." 

I smile sadly at him, "I know, I'll visit them when I can." I kiss his cheek as I leave his office and make my way over to the female dorms, feeling even more tired. 

Erwin's POV 

Knowing it's going to be a late night for me, I make my way to the kitchen to make myself some tea. As I found the corner, I see Dr. Thompson in the doorway of his office talking to (y/n/n). She says something quietly that I couldn't quite hear, and then she kissed his cheek before walking down the hallway. 

Anger flares up within me, who is Dr. Thompson to her? She's so standoffish and guarded that it is odd seeing her have a moment of tenderness with someone. Why am I getting worked up over this? It isn't my business. 

I make my way over to Dr. Thompson's office, hoping beyond hope that he would let something slip about (y/n/n) if I confronted him. 

Dr. Thompson starts making his way out the door when he sees me coming, "Evening Erwin," he greeted me, "can this wait until tomorrow? I was just on my way home." He closes his office door and locks it behind him. 

"I know you have a more personal relationship with (y/n/n), than what I was meant to believe." I say sternly to him. He stiffens a bit at my statement and turns to look at me. "She used to work with me for a time at my private practice office," he crosses his arms and glares at me, "not that it should concern you. Do you often pry into the personal lives of your underlings?" 

Knowing that he has a point, I turn to make my way back to my original destination, when he speaks again, "You're far from the first person to show interest in her, and you won't be the last," I pause to hear the rest of what he has to say, "but she is a complicated woman, who you may never fully understand. And you'll have to be okay with that. I know you like to figure things out, but I won't let you use her to satisfy your own curiosity." 

I continue the rest of the way to the kitchen, lost in thought. What is it about this strange woman that has me so hung up? Is it because of my obsession with puzzles? That has to be it... right?


	3. Chapter 3: Mistakes Were Made

Time skip to next morning 

Your POV 

I couldn't sleep last night with my mind racing. So I went out to do some training early before breakfast. 

I make my way to the Mess Hall, even more exhausted, to have breakfast. Eren sees me walk in, and waves his hand to an empty seat beside him. Looking around I don't see any empty seats anywhere else, so I get my trey of food and sit down next to him. 

Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Bertolt, Krista and Ymir were sitting at the table as well. They seemed excited to have me there, probably so they could bombard me with more questions. But today, I really wasn't in the mood. Usually I avoid answering or change the subject, but I'm growing more frustrated in my sleep deprived state. 

"Alright, me first today!" Sasha announced to the table, "Where did you learn how to fight?" 

"Come on, you're her roommate, you can ask her questions all the time," Connie whined, "I want to know where you lived before you joined the scouts." 

"She already said, 'nowhere' the other day, idiot," Ymir smirks, "I want to know how old she is." 

They all started arguing about the questions each of them wants to ask. It doesn't matter, I never really answer them anyway, so why are they arguing? But anger was starting to boil up inside me as I slam my hand down on the table, silencing all of them. 

"I don't understand what you think is so special about me, that makes everyone question me all the time," I growl to them, "we all have things we don't talk about, why am I the only one who's personal business is always in question?" 

"Like you, Krista," she jumps as I mention her name, "Your fake over the top kindness isn't fooling anybody. It's so disingenuous to the point where it makes some people uncomfortable. But no one talks about that." 

"Ymir, the connection between you and Krista is so obvious, but you two just walk around like it's not a thing. Can you just bang it out and get it over with?" Ymir smirks as she side eyes Krista, who is now fully red in the face. 

"Eren, your obsession with titans makes you blind to the obvious non-familial love Mikasa has for you, and it's frustrating." Mikasa pulls up her scarf a bit and shifts uncomfortably in her seat, and Eren narrows his eyes at me. 

"Jean, the tension between you and Eren is so forced and nonsensical, because of your obvious feelings for Mikasa, it is exhausting to witness." 

Everyone at the table falls silent, even the table behind us which sat most of our superiors also listening in on my little outburst. Which is definitely a little embarrassing, but I'm too tired to care about possible repercussions. 

"My point is," I continue as I try to calm myself down, "we all have things we don't talk about. So instead of worrying about my life, maybe deal with your own issues." 

I go back to eating my breakfast quietly, I may have went over the top, but hopefully they will leave me alone after this. The idle chit chat continues around me, and I can hear Hange giggling behind me. I finish my breakfast quickly and leave before anyone else can ask me anymore questions, or comment on my little rant. 

I went about the rest of my day pretty quietly. I was trying to finish my chores in a rush, because I was hoping to get in a power nap before dinner. 

"So, what was that all about back there?" I jump as I hear Levi's monotone voice coming from the doorway of the room I was cleaning. "What was what, sir?" I ask innocently, as I continue sweeping the floor. "I've never heard you yell before, it was kind of refreshing." Levi comments as he walks closer to me, "But speaking as your superior, get it together. You're the mysterious one, of course they are going to ask you annoying questions." 

"I just didn't get any sleep," I mutter, hoping that was enough to satisfy his curiosity... It wasn't. 

"Did something happen between you and the Titan brat?" He asks quietly, staring at me intently. 

I pull my hood down nervously, "No sir, I was only helping him with his hand to hand combat." Levi continues to stare at me quietly, "I see, I guess he wanted someone else's expertise from the underground, huh?" 

I stiffen at his words, at least he can't see the terrified look on my face. "I don't know what you mean, sir." I go back to sweeping, hoping beyond hope he will just leave. 

"Don't lie to me, brat. I can tell you're from the underground, your fighting style gave you away." He says, studying me silently as I continue sweeping. 

Knowing he probably won't get much more out of me, he turns and walks out the door. I stop sweeping and lean against the wall, waiting for my heart rate to go back to normal. 

It's okay, knowing I'm originally from the underground doesn't give away my identity. Calm down, (y/n). 

I finish sweeping the room, and quietly made my way to my room. I sigh happily as I notice my roommate, Sasha, isn't here and I collapse onto my bed. I fall asleep right as my head hits the pillow. 

Eren's POV 

I think we were all a little taken aback at (y/n/n)'s rant during breakfast. But I think I knew her frustration at our constant questions was growing, and she was going to burst one day. 

We all felt a little bad, and decided to leave her alone for the rest of the day. I headed to the Mess Hall to get my dinner, I was a little late getting there, so it was almost full. 

I look around for (y/n/n), maybe I should apologize and convince her to sit with us again. Disappointed, I made my way over to Sasha, "Hey, have you seen (y/n/n)?" Sasha giggled, "Yeah, she's fast asleep in our room." 

"Why didn't you wake her up? She's going to miss dinner at this point." I sighed, setting my tray down next to her. "No way, I've tried waking her up before, trust me, it's not fun." Sasha said, shivering. 

"Save my seat." I say as I get up and jog out of the Mess Hall, heading towards the women's dorms. I remember where their room is, one night Sasha ate so much she passed out into a food coma, and I had to carry her to her bed. 

I reach their door and gently open it. My eyes land on (y/n/n)'s sleeping form. She lays on her stomach, probably to keep her hood from coming off in her sleep. I approach her nervously, and began to gently poke her, "(y/n/n), you're going to miss dinner, wake up." She mumbled and pulled the blankets up over her head, "Don't care." 

I ripped the blankets from her, "It you're not going to get up yourself, I'm going to carry you." 

I was surprised when she actually pulled her hood back, to give me a dangerous glare, "You wouldn't." She growled ominously. Before she could protest further, I grabbed her and threw her onto my shoulder. "Struggle all you want, there's a good chance your hood will come off in a scuffle." I smirk as her body stiffens and she reluctantly allows herself to be carried. 

We get some odd looks when we reached the Mess Hall. I set her down so she can go and grab a tray, "I saved a seat for you next to me, hurry up." She waves me away, grabs her tray and follows me. 

Erwin's POV 

I watched as Eren carried (y/n/n) into the Mess Hall. I should have thought about saving her a spot at the table I was sitting at. I had thought about going to get her myself. I was disappointed to see him beat me to it. The other cadets greet her as she takes her seat next to Eren. 

Hange and Nanaba start whispering to each other, so I look curiously over at them. It is dinner time, this is usually the time they like to annoy (y/n/n). I'm guessing they have something planned. 

"I hear she came from the underground," Nanaba said loud enough to get (y/n/n)'s attention, "They say she moved to the underground voluntarily, to escape the men that pursued her above ground." She turns herself around in her seat to look at (y/n/n). 

"They say she was purposed to by 500 men, some of whom were already married," Hange added, "but she denied them all, even the rich ones." 

"But that didn't deter them," Nanaba says dramatically, "They still made their way down, the threat of being robbed or murderer far from their minds. Their thoughts were only consumed by her beauty and only wanted to gaze upon her for even a minute." 

Ah, I see, it's one of these. Sometimes they will go back and forth like this, making up stories about (y/n/n), trying to get her to admit something. Last time it was, a noble woman who was shunned from Sina society, because of a facial deformity,' and before that it was 'a poor woman, who's face was left scarred after protecting a child from a rabid dog'. 

"600," Nanaba and Hange were silenced when they heard (y/n/n) speak up. They seemed a bit shocked, I was too, usually she just ignores them when they go on like this. Even Levi put his tea down, and watched the situation with interest. 

"600," (y/n/n) repeated, standing up from her table. She sits on Nanaba's lap, straddling her legs between hers, and runs her fingers through Nanaba's short blonde hair, "500 men, and 100 women, I had an effect on everybody." 

(Y/n/n) pulls her hood back slightly, showing a seductive smile. My eyes were drawn to her smile, it was a beautiful smile. I held my breath, hands balled into fists as I watch the scene unfold. 

Nanaba is completely still, shocked, her hands land on (y/n/n)'s hips, "Does that sound familiar, Nanaba?" She whispers, bringing her face closer to Nanaba's, "Seriously? That's not even one of our better guesses." Nanaba said breathlessly, anticipating (y/n/n)'s next move. 

(Y/n/n) grabs Nanaba's hair, yanking her head back to place a gentle kiss on her neck. 

Everyone from my table and her's were watching, some of whom were also holding their breaths. 

"Nope. But nice try." (Y/n/n) smirks, stepping off of Nanaba's lap. She sat back at her table like nothing happened, and ate her meal silently. 

The rest of us were still shocked, I couldn't get over this new side of (y/n/n). How can you find someone so attractive and seductive without fully seeing them? 

A few of the men sitting at her table excused themselves, without finishing their plates. Levi left his tea and excused himself from our table. Hange and Nanaba were still a little stunned at her sudden change in disposition, not expecting (y/n/n) to play along, I imagine. 

This woman may be the death of me. 

Your POV 

As I was finishing my dinner, I noticed some of the men around me leaving their dinners behind and leaving the Mess Hall. I smirk to myself, I figured that would work. Turn on a bunch of sexually frustrated soldiers, and they will leave you alone to 'take care of business'. 

I finish my dinner and decide to head to the library. Usually I wait until a little bit later to shower, since that's when most people have finished and are heading off to their dorms. 

Entering the library, I see Armin sitting at a dimly lit table. That's not too surprising, he is here quite a bit. 

"Hey (y/n/n)," Armin greets me, looking up shyly, "always nice to see someone else here." I nodded politely and sit myself down at one of the empty tables. 

The library has a decent amount of books, but it can't compare to the ones in the capital. Whenever I needed an escape, while I was there, I would make my way to one of the libraries. They had a lot of interesting books, especially the ones that mention the world beyond the walls. 

Most of them are classified, but I had my ways to get to them. I remember knowing about these books, and I know I have read them. But that knowledge seems to be hidden away in my subconscious, along with the other bits of my memories that I can't quite remember. I try not to think too much about my memory loss, I have theories about what may have happened... But nothing I can prove. 

I'm feeling pretty tired, maybe I will nap for a little bit instead of reading. It's always nice and quiet in here, unlike my room with Sasha there. I shut my eyes and drift off for a quick power nap. 

.................

I wake up a couple hours later. The candles at my table have almost burnt out, and it looks like Armin has left. 

I stretch out my limbs, and head to the women's showers. Damnit, I forgot to get a change of clean clothes. I run quickly to my room to get a fresh pair of clothes. I keep forgetting to do laundry... Shit. 

The only clean clothes I can find is a black tank top and a tight dark green pair of pants. It'll have to do. I quickly grab another pair of underwear and a bra, and finally make my way to the showers. I sigh with relief when I see that no one is around. It always feels nice to take my hood off when I shower. 

Hanging all my clothes on the hooks, I take a quick look at myself in the mirror. 

Tired (e/c) eyes look back at me, I sigh as I undo my braid and rub the tightness out of my scalp. Running my fingers through my (h/l) (h/c) hair, I admire the gentle waves left by the braid. 

I pulled the curtain and turned on the water. I avoid looking down, I never like looking at my scars. I don't want to trigger too many bad memories. I showered as quickly as I could, not wanting to stay for too long without my hood. I turn the water off, and wrap a towel around my body. 

I pull on my tank top and pants and start to towel dry my hair in front of the mirror. I don't like wearing tan tops, it shows a long gash along my left bicep. Courtesy of the kind people from the underground that hate my father. And who can blame them, I hate him too. 

Lost in thought, I didn't hear the door open and shut. "Who are you?" A confused female voice demanded from behind me. I jumped so high I probably would have reached higher than Mike stands. In my haste to run and grab my hood, I tripped over my own feet and smacked my forehead on one of the benches, by the showers. 

"Shit!" I groan and hold my forehead as it starts bleeding. 

"(Y/n/n)?" It was Hange. She walks around and grabs my signature hood, still hanging up on its hook. 

"Come with me," she said gently, offering me her hand to help me up. I nod and let her pull me up. I move a little too fast and get really dizzy. 

Hange steadies me and hands me my hood. I throw it over my head and follow Hange out of the shower room. 

She leads me to her office and closes the door behind her, "I'll get some supplies to fix you up," Hange murmured as she sat me down in a chair by her desk, "I'll be right back." She dashed out of the room, leaving me to silently freak out. 

Damnit! What am I going to do now? Does she recognize me? Will she keep quiet if she does? It's Hange, you can't tell her anything without her telling everybody else. She doesn't do it maliciously, she just likes to talks, and sometimes she just says too much. 

I take my hood off and press it to my bleeding forehead. No point in wearing it now, might as well leave it off so she can look at my forehead properly. 

Hange was pretty quick, she came in with some clean towels, an alcohol solution, and a suture kit. She brings some candles closer to me, getting a better view of the cut. 

I remove my hood from my forehead, and she examines it closely, "It doesn't look like you'll need stitches, I'll just clean it and wrap it up." I nodded and tilted my head up so she could begin. 

"So I guess I lose." Hange chuckled as she poured the alcohol solution on a clean cloth. "Sorry?" I question her, wincing a bit when she holds the cloth to my forehead. 

"There is a bet going on about why you wear the hood," she explains, "I had my money on big ugly scar." I glare at her in response, "You were placing bets? Who else? I want names." 

She laughs, "I'll tell you, if you tell me your real name." I fall silent, and Hange decides it's probably best not to push me too far. 

It's hard to tell if she knows who I am or not. I don't think she does, I feel like she would have said so by now. She did ask for my name... but maybe she recognizes my face? I'm too afraid to ask, and too frustrated by stupidity and clumsiness. 

Hange finished cleaning my cut and tapped some gauze to my head as there is a knock on the door. "Section Commander Hange, Commander Erwin asked me to come get you, the meeting is being relocated to the Mess Hell, oh..." Jean walks into the office and freezes as he sees me, sitting next to my blood stained signature hood. 

"No way," I hear Jean whisper, and without another word he bolted from the room. Before Hange could stop me, I hop out of the chair and chased after Jean. 

Levi's POV 

I head back into the Mess Hall with my tea, irritated when I still didn't see Hange.

"Where the hell is shitty glasses?" I growl at Erwin, "hasn't Kirstein come back with her yet?" 

Erwin sighs, looking over at me as I take my seat, "Not yet," he shuffled some papers around, "but he hasn't been gone for that long." 

Eren, the rest of my squad and Mike chat aimlessly amongst themselves as we wait for Hange to arrive. All of a sudden we hear shouting in the hallway... great, what the hell is she up to now? Always so loud. 

I hear footsteps running around the perimeter of the Mess Hall. Good, the faster shitty glasses gets here, the better. But she better not be sweaty or I'm pushing her ass into the nearest bath. 

We hear something heavy hit the ground and some muffled struggling, "What the fuck is she doing?" I sigh in frustration; curiosity getting the better of me, I stand up from the table to go see what is going on. 

Followed by Erwin and Mike, we walk towards the source of the noise. Looking around the corner, I see Kirstein laying on his back with some girl with wet (h/c) hair perched on top of him, covering his mouth. 

"What the hell is going on?" Erwin demands. The girl stiffens, but doesn't turn around. Who the hell is this girl, I don't recognize her as any of the cadets. 

When she doesn't move, Mike steps over to them and lifts her off of Kirstein. The girl glares at him, but refuses to look at the rest of us. She seems to be injured, judging by the gauze on her forehead. 

"(Y/n/n)!" I hear Hange shout, as she appears around the corner. 

The girl immediately looks up at Hange, terrified. "Sorry," Hange mouthed at the girl. 

"Wait, this is (y/n/n)?" Mike asked Hange, while still holding onto the girl, "yes." She said softly. 

I was shocked and a little disappointed. Shocked, because I genuinely didn't expect her to turn out to be as beautiful as she is. Disappointed, because I lost the bet. 

"I win," Mike says cheerfully, "I was the only one who guessed that she was secretly really pretty." 

(Y/n/n) rolled her eyes, and Mike finally puts her down. "I think we should take this to my office." Erwin instructed us. 

I waved my squad away and followed behind Erwin, Mike, Hange and Kirstein toward Erwin's office.


	4. Chapter 4: Busted

Your POV 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Now what the hell do I do? I was too focused on chasing down Jean, I didn't even notice we were by the Mess Hall. And of course I also didn't expect the Commander of the Survey Corps and my squad to be there. 

There is no getting out of this one. 

Jean is walking beside me, and I keep catching him looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I punch him hard in the side, causing him to stumble a bit and groan in pain. "Stop staring at me, Jean. You're lucky this time, but remember I am short so my punches land low." 

His face turned completely red, and he avoided looking at me for the rest of the trip to Erwin's office. 

We file in and Erwin motions for me to sit in a comfortable looking black chair, in front of his desk. Hange, Mike and Jean sat on a couch, while Levi chose to stand behind Erwin and slightly to the left, leaning against the wall. 

"So," Erwin'a deep voice made me jump a little, "Who are you really?" I bite my lower lip and remain silent, not really knowing how to begin. What should I say? Should I try to lie? No, that's a terrible idea, he would know in a heartbeat. 

When I didn't answer, Erwin looked over at Jean, "Who is she?" Jean's face went completely red again, and he stared down at his hands, "I don't remember her name, I just recognize her face." 

"Okay," Erwin sighed, "where did you meet her?" 

"My real name is (y/n) (l/n)." I say before Jean has a chance to answer. Erwin looks towards me again and waits for me to continue. 

"Are you familiar with a man named Lawrence Pearson?" I queried, finally meeting Erwin's gaze. As soon as my eyes met his, I could see a faint blush appear on his cheeks. 

"I've heard the name before," he acknowledged, "however, I do not know the person attached to the name." 

"He is a prominent member on the King's council, and he owns a number of miscellaneous establishments." I looked down at my hands, I don't have to be completely candid, maybe I can innocently omit some parts...

"I was sold to him by my mother and her husband." I continued, looking up at Erwin again. 

"Your mother and father sold you to some man from the capital?" Hange challenged, not quite believing me. "I said 'my mother's husband', I didn't say he was my father." I answered simply. 

"Why?" Erwin asked, bringing my attention back to him. 

Shit. One of the pieces of information I was hoping to withhold. 

"My mother has 4 children including myself, my three siblings are older than me. Her current husband is the father of my siblings. But my mother ran away with a man from the underground, and that man was my father." I look down at my lap again, dreading what questions may come next. 

"So you were born and raised in the underground with your father?" Levi asked me. 

"No," I answered, "my mother and I lived together in the underground. I only remember my father visiting me a handful of times. My mother was hiding from her husband and his men. He denied my mother a divorce, and tried looking for her. A man of his prestige would be looked down on if people knew he was getting a divorce, or that his wife ran away with some other man. I don't think he realized, at the time, that she was in the underground."

"When I was 13 she fell ill, and the quality of health care in the underground is dismal at best. It already wasn't safe for us in the underground under normal circumstances; my father isn't exactly a popular man." I shift in my seat uncomfortably, "I have my mother's looks but my father's hair colour; it's a unique shade of (h/c)." I nervously run my fingers through my hair. 

"People know whose daughter I am right away, in the underground when they see my hair colour. My father is an elusive one, so they would love to get their hands on me." I remove my hand from my hair, and smile sadly to myself. 

"Seth (l/n)." Muttered Levi, probably more to himself than to me. I nodded, "I thought you may figure it out." 

"So you're hiding from people who know your father?" Mike asks, "No, I'm mainly hiding from people who are associated with Laurie, um I mean Lawrence Pearson, whom I mentioned earlier. Sorry, I'm used to using his nickname." 

"And why is he looking for you?" Erwin asks as he starts writing notes. 

"When my mother got sick, she went back to her husband. She knew she would get the best care if she returned to him, and there is still very little we actually know about her illness. But her husband wouldn't allow her to come back, unless it was without me." Erwin stops writing notes and gives me his full attention again. 

"Since my mother was born above ground, she still has full citizenship here. I do not, as I was born underground. So I couldn't stay above ground unless someone agreed to be my guardian, since I was under aged at the time and couldn't go with my mother." 

"You didn't have anyone you could stay with underground?" Jean asked, speaking up for the first time. 

"No, as I said it's too dangerous for me to be down there without my mother. And I'm sure anyone she would have left me with, would have gladly sold me to those dangerous men who love my father oh so much." I retort, was he even paying attention? 

"My mother's husband is an acquaintance of Laurie's, and he knew he is always looking for attractive men and women to work for him. So Laurie met with me, and he agreed to take me in right away." I started shivering a bit as the memories of my past come flooding back. 

"What sort of work was it?" Erwin asks when I paused. I was still lost in thought, when I heard Jean speak up, "She was a performer in a play. My mother saved up enough money for her and I to go see a show in the capital. They are very expensive shows, but she wanted to see one badly." Jean paused and looked over at me, "(Y/n) was advertised on the posters that were made for the shows. She has this presence on stage that really drew you in; everyone talked about her during and after the show." 

"Yes, I acted in plays. I was a popular performer, so Laurie liked to use me for various jobs..." I paused again, not wanting to go on. 

"What other types of jobs?" Levi demanded, when I didn't go on. 

That's it, I'm done with this, "Okay, I've entertained this long enough," I glare angrily around at everyone in the room, "You have no right to question me like this. I haven't done anything wrong. You're only wanting to satisfy your own curiosity. But my past is MY past, and it's not easy to explain." 

I stand up from my chair and stare at Levi and Erwin, "I'm not an open book for you to read, a button for you to push or a toy you can play with when you're bored. I'm hiding from Laurie because he has people everywhere, that's why I conceal my identity and that's really all you need to know." 

I spun around and headed towards the door, opening it and slamming it behind me. I ran to Hange's office, grabbed my hood and returned to my room, without further incident. 

Erwin's POV 

I did feel bad for putting (y/n) on the spot the way I did, but I just couldn't help it. I wanted to know more about her... needed to know more. 

I understand it's a selfish way to think, but I'm far too curious to stop myself. After (y/n) left I tried questioning Jean more, seeing if he could tell me anything more. But he just blushed and said he knew only that she worked at a famous theatre in the capital. 

I left my office with Levi, Hange and Mike, theorizing about the details (y/n) gave us. When we parted ways, I started heading toward Dr. Peter Thompson's office. 

Hoping he hadn't left yet, I knocked on his office door. I hear him grumble a 'come in', and I open the door finding him sitting at his desk, with a stack of papers. I can relate to how that feels. 

"Erwin," he greeted me politely, "what can I help you with?" 

"You can confirm some information I have about (y/n)." Thompson tensed as he realized I used (y/n/n)'s real name, and wide hazel eyes looked up at me. 

"I just want to confirm what I have as the truth." I explain 

Thompson bit nervously at his lip, deciding whether or not he wants to cooperate I assume. "Very well," he sighs, "But before I do, how did you come by this information you have?" 

I sat in the chair across from him, "One of the cadets, Jean Kirstein, saw her without her hood up and recognized her." Thompson's eyes went even wider at my explanation, "(y/n) chased after him, not paying attention to her surroundings. She caught up to Jean, but we heard their little scuffle and came out to investigate." 

Thompson remained silent, waiting for me to continue, "I brought them both back to my office and questioned them. But before revealing too much, she stormed out." 

"I see," Thompson replies, sitting back in his chair, "So you're talking to me now because you don't trust her?"

"Trust, but verify," I say simply, "Her real name is (y/n) (l/n), correct?" 

"Yes, it is." 

"She is originally from the underground, and moved above ground when her mother fell ill, and sold her to a noble from the capital, who's name is Lawrence Pearson." 

Thompson nodded. 

"Who is Lawrence Pearson, and why is she hiding from him?" 

"She didn't tell you?" Thompson asked, eyebrows raised. "No, this was around the time she left." I answer with a sigh. 

He paused, not knowing how he wanted to answer, or if he even wanted to answer, "Yes, he is a nobleman from the capital who bought her from her mother. She mainly worked in his theatre and host/hostess lounge, within the capital." 

A host/hostess lounge... Interesting. 

"She is running from Lawrence because he is not the man who he appears to be," Thompson continued, "He's a pretty horrible human being." 

"How do you know him?" I ask when he doesn't go on. "I am the doctor he brings his 'employees' to," he answered, using the word employee ironically, "it wasn't hard to determine what was really going on behind closed doors." 

"Is that how you met (y/n)?" 

"Yes, and no. I knew about her because I am her mother's primary doctor. I met her working for Lawrence." 

I raise my eyebrows, surprised by the new revelation, "I assume you're not going to tell me what exactly happened to (y/n) during her time working for Lawrence." 

He smiled sadly at me and shook his head, "It's not my story to tell. It was very traumatic for her, especially her final year before I took her away. She doesn't remember all of what happened to her those final few months she was there. And that's probably for the best." 

I sit back quietly in my chair, absorbing all the information from Thompson. I'm interested in what happened to her, but I also don't want to bring up memories that may be too painful for her. All I know is I want to do everything I can to keep her safe.

"Do you think Lawrence is actually looking for her?" I ask, finally breaking the silence. 

"I have no doubt he is," answered Thompson simply, "she was his favourite girl, and also his most popular. He would never just let her go by choice." 

"How long has she been on the run from him?" 

"3 years." 

That's surprising, has he perhaps given up? 

I stand up from my chair and head towards the door, "Thank you, Dr. Thompson for your time." 

"Don't push her too hard for information," I pause at the door, waiting for him to continue, "I don't know everything that happened to her in those months she doesn't quite remember. But it was bad enough for her to develop some sort of dissociation from that part of her life." 

I nod at him before leaving his office and headed to my own, deep in thought. 

Your POV 

I was lying down in my bed, waiting for sleep to take over, but my eyes refused to stay closed. I thought I would be able to fall asleep quickly, since Sasha was not back yet, but no such luck. 

There was a knock at the door, which made me jump out of bed, defence up, "What?" I say cautiously, making my way slowly toward the door, making sure my hood is still up. 

"(Y/n/n), is that you?" Answered the voice from behind the door. I opened the door slowly to see Jean standing outside, "Sorry, I didn't want to use your real name in case Sasha was here too." 

"Okay, what do you want?" I ask suspiciously.

"Can I come in?" He asks back, looking up and down the hallway. 

I pause, but open the door wider and stepped aside, letting him come in. I closed the door behind him, and leaned by the window of my room, arms crossed. 

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to make you panic and come running after me," he said, shifting his weight around nervously, "I was just really surprised that it was actually you." 

"It's okay, Jean," I sigh, meeting his gaze, "Sorry for tackling you." 

"Yeah, for someone so short it felt like a brick walk hit me." He laughed as he ran his hand through his hair. "For the record, it was supposed to be a compliment that I remembered who you were. You know how to make an impression on people." He was blushing a very deep red now.

I knew he meant well, so I pulled my hood back a bit and gave him a small smile, "Thanks." 

Before either of us said anything else, there was another knock at the door. "(Y/n/n), I know you're in there," it was Levi, "open up." 

"No I'm not," I said with a smirk, "try again later." 

"Amusing," Levi groaned before walking into my room, "What the hell are you doing here, Kirstein?" He frowned at Jean as he entered my room. 

"Nothing sir, I was just apologizing to (y/n)." Jean stammered out. "Have you apologized already?" Levi growled at him, "y-yes," Jean stuttered. "Then get out." Levi said, holding the door open for him. 

I was a little confused by Levi's hostility towards Jean, but it was also kind of funny. 

After Jean left, Levi closed the door and glares at my still hooded face, "Take that disgusting thing off, it's covered in blood, what the hell is wrong with you? Plus I already know who you are." 

"What if Sasha comes in while it's off?" I retort hesitantly. "If you weren't so distracted by chasing after Kirstein, you would have noticed that more people than us saw you without your hood on," Levi countered, "take it off." 

If I were alone I would have slapped myself. I slowly take my hood off and blush angrily. 

"Why are you here?" I asked Levi, "Haven't you guys interrogated me enough?" 

"You know you can trust us, right? We can help you." Levi said quietly. 

I laughed sarcastically, "Trust you? I barely know any of you. Sure, I've been here over a month now, but I'm not about to reveal my full history to people who are essentially still strangers." 

"When are you going to grow up and learn that not everyone is out to get you?" Levi said angrily, raising his voice a little. 

"Shut up! What do you know about my past? Not much! Not everyone is like you, Erwin, Hange and Mike," I was getting really pissed off now, "You think the criminals in the underground and the titans are scary? At least they are predictable! People in the capital are horrible, most of them are out to get you. You never know what they are going to do next, what lies they are going to tell. And the last time I trusted someone, I..." I couldn't continue, it was too painful. 

"I won't let anyone hurt you," insisted Levi, "You can't guarantee that." I smile at him sadly. 

"Just trust us, okay?" Levi sighed as he stepped closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I stiffen at the contact and avoided looking at his face. 

He brushed some hair out of my face, "When you come to breakfast tomorrow, if I see you wearing that disgusting hood, I'll make you run laps until you pass out." 

With that he turned on his heels and walked out the door. I stood there nervously, not knowing what to do. Is it really okay to trust them? Even if people recognize me, Laurie never gave away our real names to patrons... maybe it's okay to trust them..


	5. Chapter 5: The Breakup

The following morning... 

I wake up to Sasha squealing, "I heard people saw you without your hood on!" I open my eyes to see Sasha standing over me, "They said you were pretty cute, but you're hot!" 

"Shut up!" I groan and pull the covers over my head. Sasha laughs and pulls the blankets off of me, "Come on, time for breakfast, get up!" I sigh and roll out of bed. 

I pull on my uniform and try to decide what I should do with my hair, since people will actually see it now. I decide on a simple pony tail. 

Sasha swoons again, "You look even cuter with your hair up!" I glare at her, and pulled my hair out of the pony tail, and left my (h/l) (h/c) hair hang loosely around me. Sasha giggled and we head to the Mess Hall. 

"Relax," Sasha sighed, nudging me in the side, "I bet no one will even pay any attention when we walk in." 

I try to relax myself as we make our way to the Mess Hall. As we walked in, almost all eyes were on me. I turn to glare at Sasha, and we both go and grab our plates. 

Eyes were still following me as I looked for an empty table, but no such luck. Then I saw a familiar head of curly black hair, and hazel eyes. I sigh with relief when I see Peter look up and smile sweetly at me. 

Sasha goes to sit at a table with the rest of her friends, and I make my way over to Peter.

"Peter, what are you doing here? You never eat in the Mess Hall." I ask as I sit next to him. "Since people know who you are, I thought we don't really have to keep our relationship a secret at this point. Plus, I enjoy spending time with you." He replied. 

I shrugged and settled down next to Peter, happy to have him here. "So, how are Jack and Ellie?" I ask while taking a bite out of my breakfast. 

Before Peter could answer, Hange, Erwin and Levi sat by us. "I forgot to ask you yesterday, do you want me to continue calling you by your nickname?" Hange asked me as she sat across from me. 

"I prefer my nickname, if you please. If we're alone I don't mind if you use my real name." I answer, appreciating that she asked. 

Hange glances at me and then at Peter, "You two seem very friendly." 

"She used to live with me before she joined the scouts," Peter explainer, "I took her away from Lawrence." I hoped his explanation would be enough, but as usual, I was wrong. "So, are you two married or something?" Hange asks, Levi and Erwin seemed interested in that question too. 

"Or something." Peter and I answer in unison. I smirked as Peter frowns at me, "I've been around you for too long." 

"So are you two in a relationship?" Hange pressed. I exchange a look with Peter, "Um, yeah sure," I answered quickly, "Well, I have to go, see you all later." 

"Ah don't you dare! I have something I need to talk to you about!" Peter yelled after me, "If you're not at the house in a few days, I'm coming after you!" I waved him off and take my leave. 

Time skip a week later 

Erwin's POV 

(Y/n) has been well as far as I can tell. People haven't questioned her too much, probably because she gives them a death glare every time they push her too far. 

She always has people hanging around her, mostly men though. I've noticed Levi giving stable duty to anyone that hangs out with her for too long.... I'm guilty of that as well actually. 

I head into the Mess Hall, and I notice Dr. Thompson sitting by himself. I haven't seen him here for the past few days, I assume he is waiting for (y/n). 

I take a seat next to him, and he greeted me with a nod, "Have you seen (y/n) today?" I shake my head in response. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of their relationship. She seemed so comfortable around him, enough to let her guard down. I wish she would do that with me, but she is still pretty wary of the rest of us. 

"Shit, she hasn't visited me at all, so I'm going to have to do it here. It's her fault for not meeting up with me." Dr. Thompson grumbled as he looked around for (y/n). 

Levi, Hange and Mike notice us and sit down at the table too, "What do you need to talk to her about?" I try to ask nonchalantly. 

"There she is, (y/n/n)!" Hange calls to the beautiful (h/c) haired girl. She turns and makes her way toward our table. Peter crosses his arms as she makes her way over, "You little shit, I've been trying to find you, where the hell have you been?" 

"Sorry," (y/n) shrugged as she sat down next to Dr. Thompson, "I've been busy, what is it?" 

"We've been together for 3 years and 4 days now." Thompson stated. 

(Y/n) scowls at him, "Have your balls ascended into your abdomen and have become ovaries? I've never heard of a man keeping track of something like that." 

"God, you're a delight to be around aren't you?" Thompson sighs at her as she smiles sweetly. I wish she would smile at me like that. 

"Anyway," Thompson continues, "I thought I would buy something for you, for the occasion." (Y/n) glares at him, "What have I told you about saving your money for your old age?" 

Thompson waves off her scolding, "I bought a small house," he paused at the menacing look (y/n) gives him, "I didn't use my money, I've been saving up the money you've been giving me over the years that you insist on giving me." 

"You took me in! I'm just paying you rent!" (Y/n) replies angrily. 

"I never asked you to do that, plus you were pretty much a live in babysitter for Jack and Ellie, that could be considered payment." Thompson retorted. 

"No! You've done so much for me, the least I could do was help you out financially." (Y/n) said, cheeks going red a little bit. 

"I'm a doctor, I'm fine financially." Thompson laughs. Before (y/n) could argue anymore, Thompson pulls out a key and puts it into (y/n)'s hand, "What is this for?" She asked him, examining the key in her hand. 

"The key to that house I mentioned," Thompson replied, "For you to live in, when you're on leave." 

We all look at Thompson. Is this a break up? It kind of sounds like he is kicking her out... Seems a little harsh. 

(Y/n) pauses as she lets his words sink in. What happened next shocked all of us. 

She stands up, looking at Thompson with a big smile on her face, "Up top." She said to him, offering her hand up for a high five. 

Thompson smirks and accepts her high five. (Y/n) turns to leave the table when he calls after her, "Hey, if you're free tonight can you babysit? I have a date." 

(Y/n) turns around, a surprised look on her face, "So soon? How dare you move on so quickly." (Y/n) says, pretending to be offended. "I know," Thompson laughs, "how will I ever live with the guilt. It's with Grace." 

Another bright smile spreads across her face, "About time! In that case, of course, I'll head over there later." And with that she left, the rest of us staring after her in shock. 

Mike was the first to speak up, "Did she just give you a high five for breaking up with her?" 

"Yep." Thompson answers. 

"... And did you ask her to babysit your kids, so you can go out on a date?" Levi asked. 

"Yep." 

"Explanation." Hange said, chin resting on her right hand. 

"Our relationship has been a complicated one," Thompson answers, "It wasn't exactly 'traditional'." 

"Three years ago, I was able to sneak her away from Lawrence, thanks to the help of someone else. She was getting worse and worse each time I saw her, until finally I had enough." He said, looking down at his hands. 

"Lawrence just let you take her?" I asked uncertainly. 

"Not exactly," he sighed, "myself and someone else coordinated an escape plan for her. We had to wait for the best time, and for the guards to switch their shifts. We created a little window of opportunity for me to take her." 

"Who helped you?" Levi asked. "A person who I am sure would prefer to remain anonymous." Thompson replied, and left it at that. 

"He never suspected you? After he found out she was gone." Hange inquired. 

"If he has, he hasn't made me aware of it. The people he owns are still my patients, so I still see him when I go and do my regular check ups."

Thompson takes a sip of his tea before continuing. "If someone from the underground is in a relationship with someone above ground for a period of at least 3 years, and that person is also employed above ground, they can gain citizenship." He looks around at us, "That's why we were 'together', but we never acted like a regular couple." He smiled a little sadly as he looked down again. 

"Why not?" Hange asked, "She's such a pretty girl, and you're a young handsome doctor!" 

"There was a time where I thought maybe she could grow to love me in that way, but it was pretty clear on her part that she wasn't interested." He admitted as he ran his fingers through his curly black hair. "You saw how she reacted when I ended our relationship, that's just more confirmation that it probably never would have worked." 

Thompson laughed sadly, "I tried to be secretive and brought women over for casual hook ups once in awhile, I am still a man after all. One time she caught me though. It may be childish, but I secretly hoped she would be jealous or angry or show any kind of emotion." 

"What did she do?" Hange asked 

"Offered her breakfast," Thompson answered, smirking, "I think her exact words were, 'You were balls deep in her, the least you can do is offer her some juice or some toast.'" 

"So why wouldn't it have worked between you two?" I asked, trying to hide just how curious I was. 

"I've only ever known her to love one man, and he died 4 years ago." Thompson answered sadly, "He was a good friend of her older brother's, I don't know much about him. I know it can be a sore subject with (y/n), so I never pushed her for details while we lived together. But what I do know is that when she turned 18, he asked her to marry him. He saved up for years and begged Lawrence to let him buy her. They were married a year when he died outside the walls." 

We all raise our eyebrows in surprise, digesting this new information. "All I really know is his name was Malcolm Meyer, and he was in the scouts for a short period of time. Do any of you remember him?" 

I thought hard, I don't remember that name, but that isn't too surprising. Before I became commander, I didn't bother learning everyone'a name. Best to not get too close to too many people. 

"That's how she met Shadis," Thompson continued, "He was the one that broke the news to her after Malcolm died. After his death, she was forced back to Lawrence. Her and Malcolm were not married for long enough for her to live on her own. She would have been sent back to the underground, if she didn't go back to Lawrence." 

"I don't have proof, but I am willing to bet the only reason he ended up agreeing to their marriage, was because he knew Malcolm was in the scouts and probably guessed he wouldn't last long." Thompson clenched his hands into fists, "she wouldn't respond much to physical abuse after awhile, so he wanted to destroy her mentally." 

Thompson seemed to be surprised by how candid he was being, and stopped himself there. "Please, don't tell her I told you this, I don't know if it's something she wants people to know." 

We nodded our heads and he took his leave. We sat silently and finished our dinners. So there was physical abuse going on. Hearing this new information just motivated me more to keep her as safe as possible.


	6. Chapter 6: A Late Night Stroll

Your POV

I practically skipped my way to the stables, it was about time Peter and Grace got together. I was more than happy to help him out by babysitting, plus I miss Jack and Ellie quite a bit. 

After saddling my horse I made my way to Peter'a house, enjoying the silent ride and early evening. Peter and Grace were meant to be together, it took them long enough to figure it out. They had both been in long relationships, but those didn't work out in the long run. 

Peter and his ex-wife, Ellen, only married because Ellen became pregnant after a one night stand, and Peter wanted to do the right thing. But their marriage ended when Ellie was only 3. But by then Grace was already married. 

But her and her husband didn't last either, and after they divorced Grace reconnected with Peter. However, at the time he and I were in a 'relationship'. I told him if he wanted to pursue her, I didn't mind. He refused though, said it wouldn't be right for him to start a relationship with her given the circumstances. 

I felt really bad about that, I felt like I was holding him back from true happiness. But now he is free to finally be with her, and that makes me so happy for him. 

I arrived about 15 minutes later and tied my horse to the post outside. I knocked on the door and waited for a response. 

A pretty woman with shoulder length blonde hair and green eyes answered the door. She squealed when she saw me, "(y/n)! Oh my god, I was starting to think you would never come back!" 

I laugh as the woman lifts me up into a tight hug, "Hey Ellen, I know I'm sorry, I've been busy." She sets me down and examines me more closely, "They aren't working you too hard, are they?" I can here the concern in her voice as she stares at the cut on my forehead. 

I shake my head, "No, I've been doing well thank you for your concern though." She moved aside to let me into the house 

"So, how is my ex-husband treating you, love?" Ellen asks as I remove my boots by the door. "He's been great," I answered cheerfully, "Actually we officially ended our, well whatever it was, um relationship today." 

Ellen smiles at me, "Congratulations on your official above ground citizenship, how does it feel?" 

I pause for a moment. I feel the same as always, but I feel slightly better at the thought of never having to go back to Laurie. Even if the scouts doesn't work out, I can live my life peacefully above ground. 

"It feels good," I admit, "now where are the kids?" 

"Upstairs. I never would have guessed that you would be the one to relieve me of my baby sitting duties. All Peter said was he would get someone to baby sit for after I brought them home." 

I nod and make my way past her to head upstairs. Jack is 11 and Ellie is 9, Jack is a pretty quiet kid, but funny when he does speak. Ellie is very friendly and almost never stops talking. Jack has his mother's straight blond hair, and his father's hazel eyes. And Ellie has her father's black curly hair and her mother's green eyes. 

I knock on their bedroom door, "Come in!" I hear Ellie call from behind the door. I opened the door and was immediately tackled by both Ellie and Jack. 

"You're here! We missed you so much!" Ellie cried happily. "I have only been gone for a couple months." I laugh as I pat her on the head. 

"Still, that's too long." Jack side quietly, hanging onto my right hand. "Well I'm here now," I reassured him, "come on, let's go downstairs and say goodbye to your mom, she has to go soon." 

I walk with them down the stairs and notice Ellen in the kitchen, "Alright," I say with a clap of my hands, "say goodbye." 

"Pfft I'm not going anywhere," Ellen giggled, "Peter didn't say you were going to be the babysitter, and now that I know it's you, we have some catching up to do!" 

"No momma!" Ellie whined from my left, "whenever you and (y/n) are together all you do is talk. We want to play with her!" Ellen put her hands on her hips and pouted playfully at Ellie, "Well whenever she's here and I come and visit, you're always playing with her and I want to talk to her." 

Ellie stuck her tongue out at her mom and stamped her foot. "Just let me talk to your mom for a little bit, then we'll kick her out so we can play." I say to her, kneeling down to give her a hug. 

"Sure, come on Ellie." Jack steered his sister back up to their room, leaving Ellen and I in the kitchen together. 

"I made tea," Ellen said, offering me a seat at the table, "Sit, we may be here awhile." 

"Thank you." I nodded as Ellen handed me a cup of tea. "So," I started awkwardly, "How is Paul?" 

"Oh no pet, we are starting with you. How is life with the scouts? Meet any handsome young men? Has Peter been bothering you -" Ellen couldn't stop herself, it's been at least a few months since I had seen her. At the time she was getting re-married to a man named Paul, so I didn't get much of a chance to chat with her.

"Whoa, one question at a time, please." I chuckle uncomfortably. 

"Fine," Ellen sighs, "Handsome men, go!" 

"I mean of course there are," I shrugged while taking a sip of my tea, "I live with a lot of muscular men, they are everywhere." When I said that, immediately Erwin and Levi came to mind... 

"Why do you say it like that?" She nagged, "I'm divorced and a newlywed, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to be pressed up against a wall by any of them." 

I roll my eyes at her, "I just don't think like that I guess..." 

"Maybe you should," Ellen presser gently when I didn't continue. "I mean, you're 23! You're too young and too beautiful to give up on love now!" 

I sat silently, not really knowing what to say. "I've already had that love everyone searches for, it would be selfish of me to want it again." I finally said, trying to push away the image of Malcolm from my thoughts. 

Ellen looked like she was going to start crying, "You deserve happiness, (y/n)," she placed her hand over mine, "just don't close yourself off okay? Promise me that if you start feeling something for someone, you don't feel guilty and just let yourself feel it." 

Erwin's POV 

I couldn't sleep, so I just ended up wandering around HQ. I learned a lot more about (y/n) today, and I don't really know how to process the information. 

She's a widow? I never would have guessed something like that. She does seem like she holds a lot back; doesn't like to let people in. I can relate with that sort of mindset. Though it is a bit strange and intriguing, most women I meet can't stop talking about themselves. 

Before I knew it, I walked as far as the stables. Since I'm here I may as well check on the horses. I see light coming from within the stables... Odd, no one should be out here, it's quite late. Unless someone left a candle aflame, which is much worse. 

I open the door to the stable to reveal a jumpy (y/n), who is startled by my sudden arrival. 

"Commander! Sorry, you scared me." She laughed as she finished unsaddling her horse. "Sorry, I assume babysitting went later than expected?" I inquire, leaving on one of the stall doors. 

"Yes, well Peter's ex-wife, Ellen, was there too. She was staying with the kids until I got there, she decided to stick around and chat." She turned to look at the confused look on my face and laughed. "Yeah, it's a pretty weird dynamic." 

I watch her as she finishes unsaddling her horse, and puts him in his stall. "What brings you out so late at night, sir?" She asks me as we walk back to HQ together. 

"You can call me Erwin when we're alone." I look down at her as she looks up at me in surprise. Did I see some red in her cheeks? 

"Okay, what brings you out so late at night, Erwin?" I can't help but like the way her melodic voice says my name. "I just couldn't sleep," I admitted, "so I thought I would take a late night stroll, hoping that would help." 

"I get that," she smiled sadly, "That happens to me as well. Unfortunately I don't really have any advice on how to fix that." 

"Usually I'll just read until I fall asleep, but it's a beautiful night, so I thought I would try walking instead." I said 

"I think that's the only thing I miss about the capital. Some patrons would allow me access to their personal book collections. I read so many amazing things, especially ones on history outside the walls." She said thoughtfully. 

I was intrigued immediately. I wonder what sort of books she got her hands on. No doubt there are some interesting ones in the capital. 

"That's the main reason I wanted to join the scouts," she continued, snapping me out of my train of thought, "There is a whole world out there, Erwin, and I'll do whatever it takes to see it." 

I shivered as she said my name again. I look down at her and smile, "It's nice to see someone so motivated. It seems we have something in common, I also want to solve the mysteries of the walls and the world beyond." I can see her blush a bit, how adorable. 

Before we knew it, we reached the doors to the castle, "Well thank you for walking with me," (y/n) thanks me as I open the door for her, "I don't think we have really had just a normal conversation with each other. It was nice." I nod in agreement, "we should do it again sometime." 

She smiled and nodded at me, "Goodnight (y/n)." And with that we turned and walked in opposite directions, her to her room and me to mine. Though I would be lying if I said I didn't want to go with her...


	7. Chapter 7: Closure

Your POV (Dream)

I made my way down the familiar marble hallway, nodding at my coworkers I passed along the way. I finally reached Laurie’s office, the huge dark wood door was also such an intimidating site. I knock on the door, and await his permission to enter. 

“Come in,” I hear from within the office. I enter the room to see Laurie with blood stains on his expensive shirt. I look down to see him standing over a pretty girl with short brown hair and blue eyes. It’s Celeste. 

“Ah my Peitho,” said Laurie, beaming at me with his amber coloured eyes and deceivingly handsome face. “I hope you have better information for me than your friend here.” He says as he stares disgustingly at Celeste, “Get up, Clio. And wash yourself off, you won’t be needing stitches for those.”

Celeste whimpered in response and slowly stood up. I wanted to help her so badly, but I knew it would be worse for both of us if I did. 

“Sit, my Peitho, how has my goddess of persuasion done today?” Laurie purrs at me, wiping his blood covered hands on a handkerchief. 

I smile seductively and give him my report, “You were correct, sir. Rodger has been embezzling money from the crown.” Laurie smiles widely and lights a cigar, “Excellent, I’ll get to work right away.” 

Laurie runs his fingers through his shoulder length silvery blonde hair, “I knew I gave you the right name when I bought you.” 

He stands up from his chair and makes his way over to me. He bends down so he is level with my eyes, fingering a few strands of my (h/c) hair. He looks into my (e/c) eyes with his amber ones, “I can hardly wait to have you all to myself.” 

I’m very good at hiding my true feelings, it’s best not to show any kind of weakness. I smile sweetly at at him and kiss his cheek, even though I would love nothing more than to slit his throat with the knife I have strapped to my thigh all the time. 

I bow to him as I turn to leave, but he stops me. “You’ve been requested by George for tomorrow,” I pause, hand hovering over the door handle, “Make sure he talks, Peitho. You know you’re my favourite, but you know what happens if you disappoint me.” 

I gulp silently before I turn around to face Laurie again, “Of course sir, thank you for the opportunity to be useful to you.” He gives me another big smile and I finally turn to leave. 

Once I open the door, I am yanked out forcefully. I’m chained to wall in a dark stone room with only my underwear on. I try not to breathe too heavily, the pain in my ribs is making it very difficult. He’s definitely broken a couple this time. 

I see a door in front of me open, and I see Laurie come in. I glare at him hatefully, not even trying to hide my distain and contempt for the man. 

“Oh my sweet Peitho, it pains me to see you look at me like that.” He kicks me hard on the side of my face, sending blood spitting out of my mouth. I gasp and cough as I try to catch my breath. 

“You left me for that man, (y/n), and now you know there are grave consequences for disobeying me.” I knew I was done for when he used my real name rather than the one he gave me. 

He unlocks the shackles that hold me to the wall, and lays me down on my stomach. I have no energy to try and resist him as he sits over me. 

“Is it true that even after being married to him for a year, you still remain a virgin? This is good, that means you’re still fit to be mine if you cooperate.” He grabs my hair and forces my head up, “But that doesn’t mean you’re not going to be punished.” He slams my face into the cold stone floor causing me to groan in pain. 

“I have to give you something to make sure you never do something like this again.” I can hear the evil smile in his voice as he undoes my bra and brings his knife down on my back. 

(End of dream) 

I woke up breathing heavily and covered in sweat. “Are you okay?” I jumped when I noticed Sasha standing next to my bed. “What are you doing up?” I groan, it was still pitch black out. 

“You were screaming in your sleep, it woke me up.” She answered, staring at me with concern. I take a few more shaky breaths, trying to slow down my breathing a bit. “Sorry, go back to sleep, I’m okay.” I say to her as I stand up from my bed. “Where are you going? We still have a couple hours before we have to be up.” She yawned sleepily. 

“I don’t think I’m going to sleep much more, plus you’ll be able to sleep better without me here.” I laughed nervously. 

Sasha turns back to her bed and falls back asleep, snoring softly. I grabbed a towel and my uniform and made my way toward the showers. 

This isn’t good, I haven’t had nightmares for some time... I guess it’s to be expected when people keep asking me questions and brining up the past. 

I reach the showers and slowly remove my sweat covered clothes. Before I step into the shower, I pause and look at my back in the mirror. I have many scars, but the ones on my back are definitely the worst. Especially a very angry jagged one between my scapulae and across the thoracic region of my spine. 

Receiving that scar is probably the worst. But there are also scars I don’t even remember how I got. Those events are still locked away in my deep sub-conscious, refusing to come forward... Maybe that is for the best. 

After I showered and changed into my uniform, I decide to go up to the roof and watch the sun rise before breakfast. 

As I stare at the early morning sky, my thoughts wonder back to my dream. Celeste was probably the closest person to me when we lived at Laurie’s. I wonder how she is doing without me around. That was the one person I really regretted leaving behind. She never really learned how to keep her emotions properly in check, and that made her a big target for Laurie’s frustrations. 

My mind then wanders to my family. I haven’t seen my siblings since I married Malcolm, and it’s been even longer sine I’ve seen my mother. Not that it bothered me that much, I don’t really want to see her. But I do miss my siblings... well two of them at least. 

I want to see my brother and sister, but I don’t want to put them in a position where they have to lie for me. Laurie is still pretty close with their father, and they are not very good liars. 

Maybe I should try and see my mother soon. I don’t know how much longer she has to live, and neither does Peter. Her illness is still a big mystery, but she is about the same age as her father was when the illness claimed his life. 

It is a hereditary disease, but none of my other siblings have shown any symptoms, as far as I know. It would be just my luck if I were the only one of my mother’s children to inherit this disease. I chuckle darkly to myself, wouldn’t that just be the way. 

But that’s another reason I wanted to fast track into the scouts, I don’t know if I will have my mother’s illness, but I want to put in as much fight as I can either way. 

“What are doing up here, brat?” I was so lost in thought that I didn’t hear the door open and close, or Levi walking up behind me. 

I was so surprised I nearly fell over, but Levi is quick and he caught me just in time. When I’m steady I push Levi away and clutch at my chest, hoping that would help slow my heart rate down. 

“You are so jumpy.” Levi smirked as I glare at him. “I’m not jumpy,” I declare defiantly, “I’ve never been snuck up on so many times before I came to the scouts.” 

“It’s not our fault, you’re the one who is always spacing out,” Levi scolds me as he crosses his arms, “What were you so deep in thought about anyway?” 

“I don’t know, unicorns, rainbows or whatever girls think about now-a-days. What are you doing up here?” I retort. 

“I come up here every so often when I can’t sleep.” He shrugged and grabbed my arm. “It’s almost time for breakfast anyway, let’s go.” 

I sigh and let Levi lead me off the roof and toward the Mess Hall. I wondered why he was even hanging on to me; he generally hated physical contact. I feel my face heat up a little bit, so I try to think of something else to get my mind off it. 

We reach the Mess Hall and Levi drags me over to grab my trey of food. I go to reach for mine, but Levi swiped it before I can and walks away to an empty table with it, setting it down next to his. 

I rolled my eyes and take a seat next to him. “Up late babysitting?” Levi asked after I settled in next to him. “Uh, yeah, kids are a handful.” I answer. 

“I hear it was my ex that kept you up late.” A familiar voice on the other side of me says. I turn to see Peter’s handsome smile as he sits down on my other side. 

“It’s been awhile since we talked, so I didn’t mind much.” I smile at him, “Paul stopped by too, wondering where Ellen was, so I left when they agreed to stay until you got home. But I want to hear about your date!” 

“Yes! Dr. Hottie, how did your date go?” Hange appeared across the table from me with Erwin and Mike not far behind. 

“It went very well,” Peter replies, “It was a nice evening.” I punched him playfully on the arm, “Did you not bring her home? That’s why I ultimately left a little early, so she didn’t feel uncomfortable.” 

“I want to do this the right way, so we parted ways without even a good night kiss.” Replied Peter. 

“You should have just taken her to pound town, who cares about the formalities?” I continued to tease him. 

“That’s interesting coming from you, virgin.” He smiles mischievously. My face immediately went completely red. 

“Virgin...?” Hange said quietly, “Weren’t you married for a year?” 

“... Yes.” I replied. 

“... And you were living with Dr. Hottie for three years...” 

“... Yes.” 

“How the hell does that even happen?” Hange along with everyone else seemed to be surprised. 

I didn’t think it was possible, but I could feel myself becoming even redder. “Aw!” Hange cooed at me, “you’re so cute! My little virgin!” Hange skips around to my side of the table and hugs me from behind. 

Levi stepped in and unwrapped her arms from around me, “Leave her alone, shitty glasses.” 

Hange reluctantly went back to her seat across from me, and I relaxed a little. I notice Peter grow silent and just stared down at his coffee. “What’s on your mind?” I ask him, confused by his sudden change of attitude. 

“What was he like?” He asked me quietly. I stiffened a bit in my seat, knowing where this is going. “What was who like?” I inquire back at him, even though I knew who he was referring to. 

“Malcolm.” 

“... You’ve never asked me about him before.” I note quietly. 

“I’ve always wanted to, but when we were living together, I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and bring up anything that may make you upset.” He said gently. 

I didn’t know how to answer or where to start. It’s not that talking about him makes me sad, there was just a lot to our relationship. 

“Fine, how did people describe him?” Peter rephrased his question. I consider the question for a moment and I can’t help but chuckle a bit, “Frustratingly ordinary, is the term I heard a lot.” 

I was greeted with silence around me, so I decide I should probably clarify, “People just had their own opinions on what they thought someone who is married to me would look like. But when they actually saw the two of us together, I guess they just didn’t understand why I chose to be with him instead of someone more attractive. That’s the general opinion in the capital, there are a lot of shallow people.” 

“I mean, you can’t really blame them for thinking that,” Peter comments, “Look at you, I’m sure they imagined you would end up with one of your coworkers.”

“If I cared about looks, I would date eyebrows or short stack.” I said gesturing to the two men. Hange snorts out a laugh when both Levi and Erwin blush. “We are still your superiors you know, you should address us as such.” Levi growled at me. 

“A thousand pardons sirs, I meant Commander Eyebrows and Captain Short Stack.” I smile at them innocently. 

“Enough, we are getting side tracked,” Peter interrupted, “Tell me more about him.”

“I met him when I was 5. My brother, Benjamin, was his closest friend. And when my brother snuck out of his father’s place, and come visit my mother and I, Mac would go with him. I had a little crush on him right away.” I smiled sadly, thinking about the times Mac would come down and visit me, even without Ben sometimes. He treated me like a little sister; I thought he would never look at me as a woman. I remember his short brown hair and his kind brown eyes. Especially that lopsided grin he gave me all the time. He may not have stood out in a crowd, but he always caught my attention when he entered the room. 

“For awhile I thought he only married me to get me away from Laurie,” I continued, looking down at my trey, “And I think it started out that way for him, but after a few months of being married, he started looking at me as a wife.” 

I look up from my trey to Peter, “I was the one who wanted to take things very slowly... and then he died...” I trail off into silence. 

“I do have another question for you, and then I will drop it.” Peter coaxed, “You know, in the beginning I did hope we could actually become something...”

“I know.” I say gently as I wait for him to continue. “Do you think there was ever a time where it could have worked out between us?” Peter finally asked, looking into my (e/c) eyes for an answer. 

I give him a small sad smile, “No,” I replied honestly. I notice his shoulders sag a bit, so I put my hand on his, “But not for the reasons you think.” 

Peter nodded, kissed my hand then got up from the table. I assume to go to his office. I didn’t want to upset him, but we have always been very honest with each other, and I didn’t see a point in sugar coating my response. 

“Aw! A little harsh, (y/n) don’t you think?” Hange complained, “But in your defence, I suppose he should have guessed you couldn’t get over the death of your husband.” 

I shook my head, “You misunderstand me, Hange,” I give her a small grin, “It wouldn’t have worked out between us because of Grace.” 

Hange gives me a confused look. “Grace is someone Peter has known since they were very young.” I explained to Hange, “They never actually started a relationship because the timing was never right. Then Grace moved away and married a man her parents set her up with. And Peter married Ellen because they hooked up once and she became pregnant.” 

“The reason he and Ellen ultimately divorced is because she never really felt like he could love her as much as he clearly still loved Grace. Ellen grew tired of putting more effort into the relationship than Peter, so they settled things amicably and separated.” I noticed that Hange still looked a little confused. 

“Grace left her husband, and found Peter again when I first went to live with him. I could tell they still had strong feelings for each other when I saw them together. But Peter rejected her because he didn’t want me to have go back to Laurie.” I look down at my hands, ashamed that I was the reason he held back from Grace. 

“But he went out with her last night, so since I’m not around he can finally be with her. I had to make sure I didn’t develop feelings for Peter, because I knew he will always still have Grace in the back of his mind.” I look up expecting to see Hange across from me, but she moved around the table again to give me another bone crushing hug. 

“Aw! My sweet little (y/n)! Don’t worry, you will find love again!” She squealed as she held me closely. 

“Get off me!” I gasp as she squeezes the air out of my lungs. Levi unwrapped me from Hange’s grasp again and shooed her back to her side of the table. 

“Alright, I’m going to go,” I say as I stand up from the table, “I can only take you in small doses, Hange.” And with that I make my way out of the Mess Hall, not noticing right away Erwin, Levi and Mike’s eyes watching me as I leave.


	8. Chapter 8: Rivalry

Eren’s POV 

Why does she always sit with them? It’s difficult getting her by herself to talk to her. I watch (y/n/n) as she disappears from the Mess Hall. 

“What the hell is so special about her anyway?” I hear Oluo complain from beside me. I don’t know why I chose to sit with my squad mates rather than Armin and Mikasa. And now I have to listen to a complaining Oluo. This is nothing new though, he has been complaining about (y/n/n) since Levi put her on the squad. 

“Sounds to me like you’re jealous.” Petra smirks at Oluo’s scowling face. 

“I’m jealous? What about you, Petra?” Oluo snaps back at her, “Don’t pretend you don’t see the way he looks at (y/n/n), I know that gets to you.” 

Petra falls silent at Oluo’s retort and goes back to picking at her food. Oluo gets up from the table, “I’m going to have to ask him about it. I refuse to come second to her.” With that he storms out of the Mess Hall, probably to wait for Levi by his office. He probably doesn’t want to make a scene in the Mess Hall. 

Eld rolls his eyes, “He’s never going to let this go is he?” Petra and Gunter both shake their heads. 

I knew Oluo was competitive, and considered himself to be the ‘next Levi’, but I didn’t think he actually openly despised (y/n/n) for being better than him. I hope he doesn’t bother her about it, if he does I’ll step in for sure. 

Levi’s POV 

I head toward my office to finish up some more paper work before I go run some drills with my squad. On my way there, my thoughts were consumed by (y/n) once again. 

I feel disgusted with myself for letting her get to me the way she is. Whenever I see her all I can think about his pulling her into an embrace. Though that would probably freak her out; I was definitely surprised to hear she was a virgin... 

I reach my office and sink into my chair, mind still clouded by inappropriate thoughts. I hear a loud knock on my door. 

“Come in,” I mutter and sit up straight in my chair. The door opens and Oluo walks in, I give him my usual frown, “Oluo, what do you want that can’t wait until training later on today?” 

“I need to speak with you about something, sir.” He says as he closes the door behind him. 

Your POV 

Ugh this is getting awkward. Now the commander and captain know even more embarrassing facts about me. Are they going to think I’m frigid? Wait, why do I care? I shake my head, trying to clear my mind. 

“(Y/n),” I jump at the use of my real name, but relax again when I see it’s only Peter. 

“Peter,” I reply, “Thank you for bringing up more of my personal secrets by the way.” 

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he waves off my complaint, “How are they going to get anywhere with you if you won’t tell them about your background?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. 

“Nothing, never mind,” he smirks, “Anyway, I wanted to let you know your mother has an appointment at my office in Stohess tomorrow. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.” 

I pause and just stare at him. Do I even want to see her? She agreed to sell me to a horrible man.... But she didn’t really have a choice, did she? We probably both would have died if we stayed in the underground... But was the life I was sold into even better than dying? .... I don’t think so. 

“She’s your mother, (y/n),” Peter interrupted my thoughts, “I know she’s worried about you and would love to see you. She is getting worse fast, and I know all she wants is to see you again.” 

“She probably should have thought of that before she sold me to Laurie.” I mutter darkly as I turn to continue down the hallway. 

“Ben and Beth will be there too,” I pause as Peter mentions my siblings, “They have been begging for me to help look for you since you disappeared from Laurie’s. I don’t want to lie to them anymore.” 

I want to see my brother and sister, I miss them both so much. Ben is 5 years older than me, and Beth is 3 years older than me. I couldn’t meet Beth until I was 10 because she was so afraid of coming to the underground, not that I blame her. But when I met her for the first time we got along as well as Ben and I did. They both visited me as much as they could when I lived at Laurie’s. My heart aches whenever I think of them. 

“Okay,” I finally agree, “Let me go talk to Captain Levi, and ask for permission to skip training tomorrow.” 

I hear Peter sigh with relief, “I’ll meet you in front of the castle after breakfast tomorrow.” 

I nod and slowly make my way toward Levi’s office. I’m excited to see Ben and Beth, I hope Katrina doesn’t decide to go too. I haven’t spoken to her since Mac died, and I want to keep it that way. 

Katrina is my oldest sibling. 10 years separate us. I looked up to her so much, until she decided to ruin my trust for her and use me for her own gain.” 

I try not to think of Katrina too much, thinking about her always puts me in a fowl mood. I get close to Levi’s office door when I hear raised voices behind it. 

“You spend most of your time focusing your attention on (y/n/n)!” I recognize the voice as belonging to Oluo. I frown and listen closely when I hear him shout my name. 

“Will you calm down,” I hear Levi’s frustrated response, “she hasn’t been here for that long, of course I’m going to focus on her more. She needs to be ready for the upcoming expedition, idiot!” 

“Apart from you, I’m the most talented one on the squad! But you have her doing more in our practice formations! Are you sleeping with her or something for her to get such treatment?” 

“Careful,” I hear Levi growl dangerously, “You’re skilled, but I won’t hesitate to throw you off my squad if you continue to belittle her farther.” 

“I refuse to come second to some little slut from the underground.” Oluo’s said angrily. 

Before Levi could say anything else, I push the door open and step into the office. Oluo whips around to see who has interrupted his conversation with Levi, only to see me and the colour drained from his face. 

“Excuse me,” I smile dangerously at Oluo, “But this ‘little slut’ from the underground is scheduled to help relieve some of the captains’s stress. If you could please lock the door when you close it, we would really appreciate the privacy.” 

Oluo glares at me furiously, before turning on his heels and slamming the office door shut behind him. 

Levi sighed heavily and sits back in his chair, “Sorry about him.”

“I’ve heard worse,” I shrug, “I didn’t mean to interrupt your little lover’s quarrel, but I need to know if I can possibly have tomorrow off.” 

“Why?” He says as he frowns at me. 

“Dr. Thompson is going to his other office in Stohess to see my mother, and has asked me to go with him so she can see me.” 

He considers my request quietly for a moment before giving me a curt nod, “Fine, I’ll excuse you.” 

“Thank you, sir.” I salute him before turning to leave, “(L/n),” I hear him call to me before I reach the door, “Don’t let Oluo get to you.” 

I turn around to face him once again, “Why would I? He is free to think whatever he likes.” With that I leave Levi’s office and head to the training grounds to meet up with the rest of my squad. 

Erwin’s POV 

Mike was already in my office, but I was still waiting for Hange and Levi. This next mission is going to be a difficult one, and it is even harder keeping it a secret from everyone apart from out little group. But with the knowledge that it is possible for humans to turn into titans at will, we have to be as careful as possible. 

I hear the door open and look up. Levi and Hange finally walk in. “Ah, you’re here, let’s get to it then, we don’t have a lot of time.” I greeted them, gesturing for them to have a seat.” 

“Before we start, I have a request,” Levi said as he sat down, “(Y/n) will be going to Stohess tomorrow to see her mother.” I raise my eyes from the papers in front on me, to give him my full attention. “I would like to accompany her, if you can spare my squad and I tomorrow.” 

I narrow my eyes at him, “Why would she want you to go with her?” I ask him suspiciously, feeling slightly jealous. 

“She’ll be close to the capital, and I don’t want anyone to find out she is there and follow her.” Levi explained, “We still don’t know the full story of her time in the capital, and I don’t want any harm to come to her if someone were to recognize her.” 

Hange laughed, “Does she know you plan on following her to Stohess? That doesn’t seem like something she would request.” Levi glares at her, causing her to laugh even harder. 

“Won’t she be wearing her hood? I don’t think she needs you and your squad to watch over everything.” Mike commented, sitting back in his chair. “I know you’ve been to some of the districts within wall Sina,” Levi argued, “Can you recall ever seeing someone wearing a hood over their face to hide their identity? She’ll stand out if she does that.” 

“She stands out if she wears a hood or not, have you met the girl?” Hange chimes in, “I doubt she’ll stay in the open. I’m sure she will go from the carriage right into Thompson’s office without taking a detour.” 

“Still,” Levi grumbles, “She’s a part of my squad, and I want to make sure nothing happens to her.”

“Aw! Shorty! You like her!” Hange squealed, “Why else would you be so attentive with her?!” 

“Shut up! She’s a very skilled member of my squad, of course I like her.” Levi spluttered, face going a little red. I’ll have to be careful around Levi, I don’t feel threatened by other cadets to captains when it comes to (y/n), but Levi may have a chance to win her over... what am I even thinking right now?” 

“Maybe you have a point,” I say, halting the back and forth between Levi and Hange, “I’ll go with you as well.” I raise my eyebrows at the glare Levi gave me. 

“Ooooh you have competition, shorty!” Hange smiled widely, “What about you, Mike?” Levi and I jerk our heads to look at Mike... Not him too. 

“Sure, I’ll go,” he replies.. well damnit. “Now, can we get on with this meeting here, we’re running out of time.” 

Eren’s POV 

(Y/n/n) and I finish another session of hand to hand combat practice, and now we are heading toward the Mess Hall for dinner. 

It was nice spending some time with her, though she did knock me in my ass quite a few times. I guess she was holding back a little when she was wearing her hood, not wanting to make any mistakes and it falling back. 

We reach the Mess Hall and I invite her to sit with Mikasa, Armin, horse face, Reiner, Bertolt and I. 

Oluo seemed to be particularly pissed off today, so I wanted to keep them apart. Not that his attitude seem to bother (y/n/n) at all, on the contrary, she seemed to find it amusing. 

Reiner, Bertolt and Jean and Armin were excited to see (y/n/n) sit with us. They don’t get to spend much time with her, and are very vocal about their jealousy towards her and I being on the same squad. 

(Y/n/n) is chatting with Reiner about his training, when Petra taps me on the shoulder, “Captain Levi wanted to talk to us, but we are not to tell (y/n/n).” I give her an annoyed look, but reluctantly got up and followed Petra. 

“Good,” Levi nods as Petra and I join the rest of our squad, “Tomorrow (y/n/n) has to go to Stohess district, and for her protection, we will be covering her to make sure no one is following her. I’ll assign you each a street leading up to and around her destination. You’re to stay there until I get you. Keep your eye out for anyone who may seem suspicious and hanging around the area a lot.” 

Petra, Eld, Gunter and myself nodded in agreement. We still don’t know much about her, but we are pretty protective of her... everyone except for Oluo anyway. “Really?” Oluo scoffs, “So now we have to baby sit her when she leaves HQ? We are on this squad to work for you, Captain Levi, not (y/n/n).” 

“You’ll do it because I’m asking you to, and because she is apart of this squad. I don’t hear you complain when I ask you to help out with Eren.” Levi says, glaring darkly at Oluo. “This is what is happening tomorrow, it’s not up for debate, and don’t tell (y/n/n) about it.” 

“Why not?” Petra asked, “If we tell her she will break our legs so we can’t follow her.” I answered before Levi. Petra laughs, “Oh yes, that’s probably true.” Oluo rolls his eyes and looks like he is about to say more, but Levi shoots him a look that stops him in his tracks.

Levi dismisses us and we head back into the Mess Hall to finish dinner. I take my place back beside (y/n/n), who doesn’t seem to have even noticed that I had left, still chatting away with Reiner and now Bertolt. Levi goes to sit with Erwin, Hange and Mike. The rest of my squad sits at the empty table next to ours.” 

“Be careful kids,” I hear Oluo behind us, smirking at (y/n/n) as she turns around to look up at him, “She already has enough men in her back pocket, it’s not safe to get involved with her.” 

“Oh, I didn’t realize that was you Oluo!” (Y/n/n) faked being surprised, “I’m afraid I didn’t recognize you without your lips firmly attached to Captain Levi’s ass.” I tried to hold back a laugh, but it didn’t work... 

Oluo’s face went red as he was about to say something back, but Levi flashed him a dangerous look. Petra rolled her eyes and pulled him toward their table. 

“What was that about?” Armin asked (y/n/n), “oh nothing,” she shrugged, “He’s just butt hurt because Captain Levi likes me more than him.” 

“Wait,” Jean frowned at her, “You and Captain Levi?” 

(Y/n/n) narrowed her eyes at Jean before responding, “Is that all you kids think about, sex? When I say ‘like’ I mean we get along, it is not an innuendo.” 

“Wait, kids?” I cut in, “how old do you think we are?” 

“I don’t know, like 12?” She jokes, punching my arm playfully. 

“No, we are 15 and 16.” I said, gesturing around the table. “Wait, how old are you?” Bertolt asked (y/n/n). 

“23.” She said simply and laughed at out shocked expressions. “I thought you were 18 at most!” Reiner said, still staring at her in shock. “Most people think that,” (y/n/n) smirked, “But I am 23, I swear.” 

“I will be 18 before you know it, wait for me.” Reiner replies hopefully. 

(Y/n/n) stands from the table, “Okay, I’m going to go now. Behave yourselves.” She waves at us and quickly makes her way out of the Mess Hall, with us staring longingly after her.


	9. Chapter 9: The Deal

Your POV (Dream) 

I was waiting out front of one of Laurie's Patron's homes, I think it was Rodger... I hope this doesn't take too long. I was given a very expensive bottle of whiskey from a fan, and I need an escape. 

I hear footsteps coming from around the corner. I turn my head to see who was coming. It was a man wearing a long trench coat and hat. I've seen that hat many times before, "Hello Kenny," I greet him, "Out looking for your next target?" 

He tips his hat up a bit to get a better look at me, "I could ask you the same thing, (y/n)," he smirks, "haven't seen you in a lot time. I thought you got out for good." Kenny chuckled darkly. I don't say anything in return, I know from experience that small talk with a Kenny is very unpleasant. 

"Not very chatty? That's okay, I think I know what happened. See, I was reading the paper and I saw an article written by-" He paused when he felt the wind of my throwing knife speed by his head, and get stuck to the building behind him. 

"Ooh how I have missed your quick temper, (l/n)." Kenny laughs as he pulls the knife out of the wall. "Don't like talking about your dead husband, I get it." He tosses the knife back at me and I catch it with ease, and strap it back on my thigh. 

"What do you want, Kenny?" I ask him suspiciously, "You're not one to hang out in the open for too long." He walks closer to me, close enough for me to smell cigarettes on his breath, "Why are you so important to Lawrence? In the past, if one of his pets ran away and did half the shit you did, they wouldn't be alive for long." I give him a bored look and shrug, "He enjoys the company of pretty young women." 

"No, that's not it, Lawrence only hires pretty people, he's surrounded by them everyday. What are you hiding, huh? What makes you so special?" Kenny eyes me carefully, and I stare back at him calmly, waiting for him to get to his point. 

"The name he gave you is Peitho, right? Goddess of Persuasion, yeah?" 

"And seduction, what's your point?" I ask, crossing my arms, not liking where this conversation is going. 

"You're rented out to some of the richest and most powerful names within and around the capital. The only logical conclusion I can come to, is you gather information for him." Kenny smiles crookedly at me. 

"I assume you're getting to the point soon?" I ask impatiently. 

"I've been acquainted with your father for some time, he's a real asshole." I'm starting to get frustrated, where is he going with this? "I'm aware, but coming from Kenny the Riper, that's saying something." I reply. 

Kenny laughs at the mention of his nickname, "Yeah, I've seen him recently actually. I can take you to see him if you want." 

I narrow my eyes at him, "Oh yeah? And what would you want in return?" 

"An hour of your time." He sneers, "Whoa whoa whoa! Relax," Kenny chuckles as I reach for my throwing knife again, " Not your body, I want information." 

I laugh at his offer, "No deal, Kenny. I'm a little insulted that you would even think I would consider that offer. I prefer keeping my distance from my father." 

"How about freedom?" He asks quietly. 

I pause for a moment, he can't be serious. Laurie always keeps me close, especially now. If he has to go somewhere without me, he has his people look after me. 

"What if I told you I know a way to get you out of Lawrence's grasp?" He clarified when I didn't answer him. I study Kenny carefully, trying to see if I can detect any hint of him being deceptive. "Why are doing this?" I ask him suspiciously. 

"I have my reasons," he waves off my question, "But it will only work if you have someone close you can trust. Otherwise, it's back to the underground for you! Your father's old associates will be overjoyed to have someone to take out their frustrations on." 

"Peter," I say softly, after thinking about it for a moment, "Peter, is the only person I trust." But could I really ask for Peter's help. It seems like whatever Kenny may be planning, it could be dangerous for Peter too. Could I really ask him to take that big of a risk? Isn't that selfish? 

"Thompson huh?" Kenny nods, "I'll have a chat with him and explain the plan to him. But first, you're going to answer some questions I have for you. Make time for me tomorrow." 

I bite my lower lip nervously and nod, "Fine, I'm scheduled in the lounge tomorrow." 

"Terrific, I'll see you tomorrow, Peitho." Kenny tips his hat to me and disappears around the corner. 

Barely a minute later, Laurie exists the mansion, rubbing his bloody knuckles off on a handkerchief. "Hello my pet," He smiles as he walks over to me, "I apologize for my tardiness, my 'meeting' went on a little long." He pulls me in for a kiss, and I submit automatically; I was still pretty badly bruised from the last time I rejected a kiss from him. 

He takes my hand as we walk toward his carriage, and set off back home. 

..... (End of dream) 

I jerk awake after I roll out of bed and hit the floor. I groan as I lifted myself up and dust myself off. It is about time I get up anyway. 

Sasha was still asleep, so I dressed quietly and made my way out to meet with Peter in front of HQ. I was pretty nervous and didn't really feel like stopping for food along the way. 

At least the dream I had this time was a better memory than the last one I had. I wonder how Kenny is doing? Sure, he's a murderous lunatic, but he did help me in the end. I still don't really know what his motivations were, I'm sure he'll coming slinking out of the shadows before long and ask me for something else. 

Thankfully, I didn't run into anyone as I made my way down the stairs and out of the building; most people were making their way to the Mess Hall for breakfast. 

Surprisingly, Peter was already out front waiting for me. "Good morning, sunshine! Love the dark circles under your eyes!" Peter chuckles when I get closer to him. I give him a playful glare, and push past him into the carriage. 

"No hood today?" He comments as he sits across from me. 

"What's the point? I'll be going straight into your office and then straight back to the carriage. Plus, no one wears hoods in wall Sina, that'll just draw more attention. You know how paranoid people are there." I shrug and pull my (h/l) (h/c) into a pony tail. 

"Cute," Peter comments, "I always like it when you pull your hair back, such a pretty face." I narrow my eyes at him and reach back toward my hair to take it back down. Peter laughs and smacks my hands down, "Stop doing that! Can't you just take a compliment?" I smile back at him and stare out the window as we make our way to Stohess. 

Author's POV 

Levi's squad left even earlier that morning, to get there before you and Peter. Each person was watching the roadways carefully as Peter's carriage came into view. 

Levi, Eren and Erwin were waiting on the roof of a building adjacent to Dr. Thompson's office. There wasn't anyone out on the streets yet, as it was still a little early for civilians to be up and about. Just a few shop owners going about their day around their stores, prepping for a normal work day. 

As Peter's carriage pulls up, Eren tries to look over the edge, hoping to see you. "What are you doing, brat?" Levi yanks on the collar of Eren's shirt, pulling him back from the edge of the roof. "If she knows we're here we'll be in for a long lecture." Eren's cheeks go red and he steps further back. 

You and Peter enter the building without being seen by any third parties. Once you two are out of site and inside, the three men go closer to the edge at different points around the roof. They were trying to keep an eye out for anyone wandering around in the streets below. 

Petra and Oluo are waiting on a building a few blocks down the street from Peter's office. "I wonder if we'll get to see what (y/n/n)'s mom looks like." Petra says, thinking out loud, "Do you think she'll look a lot like (y/n/n)?" Oluo glares at her, "How would I know? And why would I care?" 

Petra rolls her eyes at Oluo, everyone was getting a little tired of the unwarranted hostility he holds against you. 

Petra knows it's pointless to argue, so she stays silent and lets Oluo be annoyed and depressed by himself. The rest of squad Levi maintains their positions and keeps a close eye out for anyone walking the streets. 

Mike goes from roof to roof, sniffing around for anyone suspicious. Eventually, he makes his way to the roof of Peter's office, joining Levi, Eren and Erwin. 

A couple hours later, a fancy looking carriage pulls up in front of the office. Eren, Levi, Erwin and Mike look out below, trying to catch a glimpse of the people getting out. 

There was a tall man with long, slightly wavy dark brown hair, tied in a loose pony tail. A woman hopped out next to him, same dark brown hair colour, but it was cut shorter to just above her shoulders. They looked to be in their mid to late 20s. 

Once out of the carriage, the man and the woman wait by the door to help out an older frail looking woman. She looked to be well into her 50s, and also had the same hair colour as the other 2, though her's was streaked with gray. 

The men on the roof lean further for a closer look, and it was no mistaking that this older woman was your mother. You have the same face, though the woman's was gaunt and lacked any colour. Your mother leans on the man, who they deduce is your half brother. The younger woman, your half sister, carried your mother's bag. 

They entered the building, and the scouts relaxed a little on their designated roofs. But still kept watch as civilians started heading onto the streets. 

Without Petra noticing, Oluo left his post and started wandering around the streets. Since there didn't seem to be anyone else hanging around the doctor's office, he decided to sneak away. Wandering through the streets he came across a building that looked like a fancy lounge. 

"Laurie's Lounge," Oluo read the sign over the top of the door. Curiosity got the better of him and he walked through the big double doors. 

It was a very expensive looking lounge, fancy red curtains hung over the windows and around the lounge. Comfortable chairs and couches are placed spaciously around the big lounge. There are portraits hanging all over the walls, mostly of beautiful women but there were quite a few portraits of men as well. 

Despite it still being pretty early in the day, the lounge had quite a few guests in already. There were men and women walking around wearing luxurious silks, greeting patrons at the tables. Some of them siting and having tea with their guests. 

"Hello," A female voice said sweetly, noticing Oluo entering the lounge, "I haven't seen you before, Master." Oluo turned to see a beautiful tall golden haired woman sauntering over to him, blue eyes shining brightly. 

Oluo tried to greet her in return, but he wasn't able to move, mesmerized by the woman. She giggled and tucked some stray golden hairs neatly behind her ear. "Please, come with me, Master." Before he could respond, the woman pulled him toward an empty table close to a window. 

The woman sits him down, "Do you wish to request a specific hostess?" Oluo was confused by her question. 

The woman giggled at his confusion, "Please excuse me, I will start by getting you some water." Oluo blushed as she smiled at him and she walked off toward the bar. While he waited, Oluo looked around at all the portraits scattered around the lounge. The women and men in the portraits were in various stages of dress, but much of them showed off quite a bit of their bodies. 

Then he came across a portrait of a woman who was draped over a couch, with some blue silks covering her breasts and lower body. Oluo froze when he looked at the woman's hair, it was an all too familiar shade of (h/c). There was no mistaking that beautiful face, it was a portrait of you. 

"Here you go, master," the woman returned and placed a glass of water in front of him. When he didn't respond, the woman turned to see what he was looking at. The woman's smile falters slightly, "Do you recognize her?" She tries to ask casually. 

"I work with her." Oluo replied, looking around to see if there were anymore portraits of you. "You're a soldier," the woman noted, finally noticing Oluo's uniform, "How long have you been working with her?" She asked, trying not to sound too eager. "Almost 2 months." Oluo answered. 

He didn't notice her eyes darken at his response, "Who is she?" Oluo asked the woman when she didn't respond. 

"She used to work here, one of the favourites. Everyone wanted to request her." She said, getting more annoyed when she thought about you, "She doesn't appreciate any of it. She got everything handed to her." 

"I know the feeling," Oluo muttered, making the woman smile again, "She gets a lot of attention from everyone." He pauses and takes a drink from the glass of water, wishing it were alcohol. 

The woman takes a seat next to Oluo, hoping to get more information out of him. "Where is she?" She asked sweetly, "She is missed around here, and I know a few people who would love to see her again." Oluo looks at her suspiciously, noticing her sweet demeanour was faltering a bit into something more sinister. 

"How about this," Oluo answers, putting his water back down, "I'll tell you what I know, if you give me some of those portraits of her." He smiled mischievously at the woman. The woman considered his offer and sticks out her hand for him to shake, "You can call me, Antheia." 

'Strange name', Oluo thought to himself, but reached out to grab the woman's hand and kissed the top of it, "Oluo."


	10. Chapter 10: Family

Your POV 

I was hiding in the room next to the one my mother and siblings are in. I know it may be a bit cowardly, but it's been so long and I'm kind of scared to see my mother. I don't know how quickly her condition is deteriorating and I'm afraid to know. 

Should I really be here? What if my mother's husband, David Sanderson, finds out? Will he tell Laurie? Oh course he would, the man despises me. I know my siblings wouldn't tell him, but I don't know about my mother. Cognitively, she isn't where she used to be, at least the last time I saw her, so I'm guessing she is probably worse now. So what if she says something about me by accident to David, not knowing it's something she should not say? 

But I have to see her, her illness is progressing and I need to put the past aside and see her. Should I just walk in? I don't want to startle her... 

Too late, I hear the door open and I turned to see two people standing in the threshold. "(Y/n)!" I hear two familiar voices scream as they both came running into the room. 

I squeak as my brother gets to me first and scoops me up into a rib crunching hug. "Ben! You're going to kill her!" I hear Beth cry as she tries to unwrap Ben's arms from around me. I really wish seeing my brother and sister wasn't such a painful experience, they can be a little overzealous when they haven't seen me for awhile, but oh was it good to see them. 

Ben finally sets me down and Beth swoops in and gives me a much gentler hug. Her head rests on top of my head, and I can feel a few tears drip onto my head. "Awe! Have you gotten taller?!" She jokes as she releases me from the hug to get a better look at me. "Shut up." I say as she kisses my cheek. 

"Where the hell have you been, (y/n)?" Ben asked as I wipe tears off of Beth's face. "I've been with Peter." I say simple, "Whoa whoa whoa!" I yell as I see Ben bunch his hands up into fists and head for the door, "It wasn't like that! We were pretending to be in a relationship so I could gain citizenship above ground." Ben relaxes and takes one of the seats in the room. 

"I was working here and at a bar closer to Peter's house, since I have to be working too in order to get my citizenship. But almost 2 months ago I decided to join the scouts." Ben looked at me in shock, and this time it was Beth who made her way to the door. 

"Stop!" I yell at Beth as I grab her hand, "Peter tried to stop me! Don't blame him!" Beth gave me a frustrated sigh and decided to take a seat next to Ben. They both cross their arms and wait for me to explain. Their features resemble their father so much that sometimes it made me a bit uncomfortable. 

"I don't know if you have heard, but we have a titan shifter to help us in our fight against the titans." I explain excitedly, "I just had to join when I heard that." 

"(Y/n), Mac died fighting those things, there is no winning against them," Ben argues, "Is this a symptom? You've never talked about joining the scouts before."

"No, it's not a symptom. I can't explain it, I just know I have to be there." I argue back. "(Y/n), mom was around your age when she started to become more and more impulsive, that was one of her early symptoms." Beth said quietly. 

I paused for a minute. No, that can't be it... Is that why she chose to run away with a man from the underground? Leaving her husband and 3 kids and a life of luxury, to a new life underground... Either way I'm sure my motivation is more clear in the memories I lost just before I left Laurie's. 

"Look, I know you've been around mom a lot more than I have, but if I were experiencing her early symptoms, I would know." I say defiantly. Ben and Beth give each other a worried look, but decide to let it go, knowing they are not going to change my mind. 

"Anyway, I'm glad you decided to come," Beth said, giving me a small smile, "Mom has been so worried about you, we all have been." I felt guilty, I knew they were worried about me, but I couldn't risk their father finding out where I was and telling Laurie. 

I walk towards the window in the room, to sit on the window sill. "I know, but I'm here now." My focus is suddenly pulled outside the window. 

I notice a figure up on a roof not far from Laurie's office. My paranoid side starting coming out, I frown and back away from the window. What is going on? 

"What's wrong?" Ben asked me, concern written all over his face when he sees how frightened I looked. "I don't know," I answered, "Wait here." 

I rush out of the room and make my way up to the roof. Are they some of Laurie's people? How did they know I'm here? I realize I don't have a weapon on me and groan in frustration. Usually I have my throwing knife on me just in case, but of course I didn't bring it today. 

I reach the door to the roof and stand behind it silently, waiting to hear any voices outside. I start to open the door very slowly, and take a peek around to see if there is anyone there. When I don't see anyone immediately, I opened the door a little wider and make my way silently onto the roof. 

Then I see a familiar brown haired green eyed titan boy, short angry captain, tall blonde commander and an even taller and nosier man. My fear instantly turned from fear to frustration, "What the hell?" I yell, taking them all by surprise. 

"Are you alright, (y/n)?" I hear Ben ask as he and Beth make their way onto the roof. They look up suspiciously at the 4 men standing in front of me. "Who are they?" Beth questioned, not taking her stormy gray eyes off of them. 

"Dead men." I answer as I ball my hands into fists and make my way closer to the group. "Are you spying on me now?" I glare and direct my question at Levi, since he was the only one I told where I was going. 

Levi looks back at me cooly, "You're the one who was always so concerned about people finding you. I thought we would come and look out for you. You're welcome by the way, brat." 

I was about to punch him when Ben stepped in and pulled you back towards him, "Oh! You guys are in the scouts too! Excellent! My sister and I need a distraction while (y/n) goes to see our mother." 

I glare at Ben and he freed me from his grip, "No, you two are coming with me." Beth places her hand on my shoulder and walks me to the door for the roof, "Don't worry, we won't say anything embarrassing or unnecessary, trust us." 

"I don't know what to say to her, Beth." I admit to her quietly. 

She smiles at me sadly, "You'll figure it out when you see her. She's having a good day today, but try not to confuse her too much; let her steer the conversation." 

I sigh heavily and walk down the stairs to where Peter and my mother are. My hand pauses as I raise it to knock on the door. After giving myself a little pep talk, I knock quietly on the door and Peter's voice invited me in. 

I open the door slowly to see my mother sitting on a chair across from Peter. My mother turns to look at me, and her gaunt, tired features brightened immediately, "(y/n)!" She tries to stand, but I rush over and hug her so she doesn't have to get up. 

"Mom," I say quietly into her gray streaked dark brown hair, "I missed you." She hugs me as tightly as she can. I can feel her hands shaking, the tremors must be getting worse. 

I pull back and she raises her cold hands to my face, caressing it gently. "Oh my beautiful girl! I've missed you so much! I understand you and Malcolm are busy newlyweds, but you can't answer a letter once in awhile?" My smile drops, she doesn't remember the last 5 years? 

Should I play along with what she says? Should I correct her? I look over to Peter, tying to see any sort of assurance from him. He smiles sadly at me and looks down at his hands. 

I turn back to my mother and try to smile as genuinely as I can, "I'm sorry mom, we'll do better." She smiles and takes one of my hands with both of hers, "Any grandchildren yet? You and your siblings are driving me insane! Katrina is married but no kids, and neither Benjamin or Elizabeth are married yet!" 

I frowned, Katrina didn't marry her husband until after Malcolm died. Her memories really are off. 

"No, not yet, but we're thinking about it." I answer her quietly, trying to keep a smile on my face. "Don't Wait too long." She answered sternly. 

"How is she?" I finally ask Peter, still holding onto my mother's cold hands. 

"As you probably noticed her tremors have gotten worse, and as expected her mood swings and dementia are also getting worse. It is also getting more difficult for her to focus and carry on normal conversations. Unfortunately, the only thing I can do for her is prescribe her medication to help with her depression." Peter answers matter-of-factly.

"How bad are the mood swings?" I don't recall ever seeing my mother angry for no reason. "Well, last time she was here, she had just enough strength to throw the chair she is sitting on at me. This was after I asked her if her new medication was working... That was her way of saying 'no'." 

"I would never do such a thing!" I jump at my mother's raised voice, "You're lying!" Her gray eyes narrowed as she glared at Peter. 

"Mom," I say, trying to calm her down. I put my hands on her face to force her to focus on me, "(y/n)," she sighed sadly, looking into my (e/c) eyes, "You don't look well. You look sad and tired, my pet. Is Malcolm not treating you right? You were so happy when you two married, and that man is so in love with you, tell me what's wrong." 

I missed her soothing voice, I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears and I pull myself away from her. I missed the days in the underground, where if something were wrong I would cry to my mother. I would put my head in her lap and she would run her fingers through my hair soothingly until I stopped. But she wasn't that person anymore, and it hurts to know I can never go back. 

I was different now too. I've been trained in brutal ways to avoid showing any kind of undesirable emotions. I had my back turned to my mother and Peter, and I didn't hear my mother stand up from her chair. She pulled hard on my shirt when she lost her balance a bit, trying to get my attention. 

My shirt was pulled down enough for my mother to gasp when she saw some of my scars peaking out from under the fabric. I turn around nervously to face my mother again. 

Her face was scrunched up as if she were contemplating something. Like she was trying her hardest to focus and remember something. "Lawrence." She said quietly. I was surprised, of course she knew I worked for Laurie, but I never told her about any abuse, and I asked my siblings to not tell her either. I didn't know what to do. I give Peter a frightened look, hoping he would help me out. 

"Laney," Peter smiles gently at my mother, snapping her back from her daze and back into reality, "I still have more questions for you." My mother smiles back at him and grabs my hand, motioning for me to sit back down next to her. 

"How many times a day do you get your tremors?" Peter asked as he lifted his pen to write some notes. He's done this before, he will usually ask one of my siblings questions about my mother, and then ask my mother the same questions later. He's trying to test her memory and cognition. 

I listen quietly to their conversation, trying to commit her answers to memory... Just in case. 

Eren's POV 

"I heard you call her '(y/n)', is that her real name?" I ask the dark haired man. 

"Yes." I hear Levi answer, "She told us when we took her to Commander Erwin's office." He explained when he saw the confused look on my face. So I guess Levi, Mike, Hange, horse face and Erwin knew her real name. 

I was kind of jealous, I didn't really know anything about her now that I think about it. After the scuffle between her and Jean was broken up, and they were taken to Commander Erwin's office, I guessed she would have to confess some things to them. 

"Yes," the man said, "She's our half sister, we have the same mother. I'm Benjamin Sanderson and this is my sister Elizabeth Sanderson." He gestured to the woman with short dark brown hair next to him, who smiled politely at us. 

"So (y/n)'s last name is Sanderson?" I asked Benjamin, "No, we have the same mother, but different fathers. So she has the same last name as her father, which is (l/n)." He explained. 

"Has she been well? We have been trying to find out what has happened to her for the past 3 years." Elizabeth asked, stepping closer to me. 

"Um I assume so," I commented, "she's very private so it's difficult to say. But overall I believe she is fine." 

Elizabeth bites her lower lip nervously and looks at her brother, who also looks worried. "Is there a problem?" Captain Levi challenged, annoyed by their nervous reactions.

"There is an illness that runs on our mother's side of the family," Benjamin started to explain, "Our mother started showing symptoms around (y/n)'s age. My sisters and I have been fine so far, but we don't know much about (y/n)'s health." 

"Someone is approaching the building." Mike says before anyone else could ask anymore questions. We all rush to the edge of the building to take a look. It was a woman. She appeared to also have dark brown hair that was pulled up in a tight bun on top of her head. She was also wearing a long pale yellow dress and thick glasses.

"Katrina! What are you doing here?" Elizabeth calls to the woman, startling the woman a little bit. 

She looks up at the roof, "Beth?! Ben?! What the hell are you doing on the roof? And why is the door locked?" The woman, 'Katrina', shouted sternly while pulling on the door. 

"Never mind that, what are doing here?" Benjamin challenged, narrowing his eyes at her. "I don't need your permission to go with our mother to her appointment." She rebutted, glaring up at Benjamin, "No one told me she even had one today!" 

"You guys should get (y/n) out of here," Benjamin whispered, "Katrina is our oldest sister, and if (y/n) sees Kat, I don't know if you'll be able to hold her back. We'll go deal with Kat." 

"It was nice meeting you all! I'm sure we'll see you again soon!" Elizabeth waves at us and her and her brother make their way toward the door leading off the roof. 

"Eren, go get Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunter, and make your way to the carriage and horses. Mike, guard the front door to make sure no one else gets in. Levi and I will get (y/n)." Commander Erwin ordered us. 

I wanted to stay and help with (y/n), but of course there is no arguing with the Commander. So I nodded and put on my ODM gear, and make my way over to where Petra and Oluo were first. 

When I get there, I see Petra yelling at a smirking Oluo. "Hey, we have to get going!" I shout over Petra, "We have to get the carriage and horses ready to leave." 

"Aye aye, brat! Be right there!" Oluo laughs, slurring his words slightly. I raise my eyebrows at Petra. Her face is red with anger and she slaps Oluo hard, "Get it together! If the captain finds out you left your post to go get drunk, he'll kill both of us!" 

Oluo's drunk? That's doesn't sound like him. Regardless, I start to make my way over to Eld and Gunter's position to update them.

Your POV 

Judging by Peter's expressions, I could tell my mother was getting a lot of his questions wrong. She had a hard time concentrating too, her mind whipped from one topic to another without warning. 

There is a knock at the door, which makes me jump. "(Y/n)! Why are you so jumpy? Get the door, it may be your father." My mother giggles at me. Great, now she thinks it's 12 years ago. 

I stand up to answer the door, expecting it to be Ben or Beth on the other side. But I'm met with the stern expressions of Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. I step out of the room and into the hallway but leave the door open. "What are you doing here?" I hiss at them, not caring that they are my superiors and speaking to them this way could get me into trouble. 

"Sorry to disturb you," Erwin says, raising his eyebrows at my defensive tone, "But your brother and sister informed us that there is a person out front to see your mother, who you would prefer to avoid." 

I freeze for a minute, trying to think of who he may be talking about. Who else knows that my mother is here? Someone I'd like to avoid? That could be a lot of people.... Maybe David? Though I've never known him to be the type to go to an appointment with my mother. Any appointment I have gone to with her, he has never come. Oh wait.... Maybe Katrina.

My eyes darken when I think of my oldest sister, I didn't realize that I had muttered her name out loud until Levi says, "That's the name we heard, so let's go before you run into each other." 

"Katrina? Oh good! She'll be so happy to see you, (y/n)!" I hear my mother gush as I turn around to kiss her goodbye. 

"Thank you," I say to Peter as I give my mother a tight hug, "I'll see you again soon, mom. I promise." After she release me from the hug, she gets a better look at Levi and Erwin standing at the door, "Oh! What handsome men! (Y/n), introduce them to Elizabeth! Her father and I have been trying to set her up." 

"Sure mom, I love you." I respond as I rush out the door, Levi and Erwin following closely behind me. 

We made our way to the front door, and I opened it a little just to make sure there was no one there. Mike was standing just outside the door, and he motioned for me to step out. 

There was a carriage right out front and I could hear voices coming from around the side of the building. It is probably Ben and Beth distracting Katrina. We rushed into the carriage and took off down the road. 

I finally breathe a sigh of relief and relax a little into the comfy seat. "So, are you going to explain what that was all about?" Erwin asked me, breaking the tranquil silence of the carriage. 

"Nope." I answered him as I stared out the window. No one asked me anything else after that, and I was grateful for that. I was still frustrated that they followed me, but I have to admit their intentions were good. 

"Thank you," I say shyly to the men as the soft rocking of the carriage lulls me to sleep. 

Levi's POV 

Did she actually say thank you? I definitely wasn't expecting that. I was expecting her to yell at us for the duration of our trip back to HQ. I watch her as her eyes close and she drifts off to sleep. What a strange girl. 

We rode in silence for the rest of the trip, and (y/n) slept the whole way. When the carriage stops I can hear Mike whisper, "So, who's going to wake her up?" Erwin and I give each other a look, we've both heard rumours that she is especially unpleasant if you try to wake her up. 

Before any of us made a move, Petra opens the door to the carriage, Oluo staggering around next to her. "Sir," Petra greeted me, "I need to talk to you." 

"Don't bother Petra deer," Oluo slurred his words as he pushed Petra out of the way and leaned into the threshold of the carriage. "Captain Levi sir, I got drunk while we were sitting around doing nothing, and I'm not sorry about it." He smiles crookedly at me. 

I curl my hands into fists, ready to drag him off to the stable, where he can clean every single cobblestone until it shines; I'll lecture him when he's sober. 

Before I get up to push Oluo out, he notices (y/n) still fast asleep, leaning against the window of the carriage. "Hey! Wakey wakey you miserable little bitch!" Oluo laughs as he nudges her hard, rousing her from her sleep. 

I have never seen such a cute face make that menacing a look before. Without warning, (y/n) kicks Oluo hard right in the face with such force it knocked him out of the carriage, sending him sprawling to the ground. 

(Y/n) yawns and stretches her limbs out, "See you later, sirs." She saluted us and let herself out of the carriage, being mindful to step on Oluo's stomach as she left. 

Petra was on her knees laughing at the situation. I step out of the carriage next and stared down at a groaning Oluo, "Go sober up and then come see me in my office."


	11. Chapter 11: The Lies and The Truth

Your POV

I know Levi wants to talk to go over formations with us. Our next expedition is only a couple weeks away and Levi has been asking us to attend his lectures for about a week. 

I definitely needed it, I may have the skill but I have yet to face off against an actual titan. I find myself wondering what this expedition is about. Typically you have a goal when you go out into the field, otherwise what is the point? Perhaps they're trying to test out Eren...? Either way, they are pretty tight lipped about it, I wonder why...?

"Hey (y/n)," I looked behind me to see Eren jogging to catch up to me, "I heard you knocked Oluo on his ass, good job!" I give him a small smile, but then frown when I realized he addressed me by my real name. Erwin, Levi, Mike, Hange and Jean should be the only ones that know my real name. 

"Benjamin called you by your real name," Eren said, noticing my frown, "Sorry, I can use your nickname if you prefer." 

I shake my head, "It's fine to use my real name if we're alone. What else did my lovely siblings say?" 

"Not much," Eren admitted, walking beside me, "They just wanted to make sure you were doing well. We didn't get to ask many questions, since that woman showed up and they went down to distract her." 

"Yeah, Katrina, she's my oldest sister." I say curtly, "I guess you could say we don't get along very well." Eren doesn't push the subject any further, to my relief. 

"Captain Levi's lecture with us isn't for another few hours, can you help me with my hand to hand combat skills again?" 

I nod and we make our way over to the training grounds. 

Time skip to later that evening... 

(Dream)

"I don't care, I refuse to talk to her." I say as I fast walk down the hallway, high heels clicking off the expensive marble floors. 

"Of course you will," I hear Laurie say behind me, "I could have you disposed of you for the things you told her." 

"Then do it!" I yell back at him, "I don't care anymore!" That did it. Laurie grabbed my arm and slammed me against the wall. 

"Nice try, but you're mine." He lifts me up and starts kissing my neck. I struggle against him, trying to kick and punch any part of him that I can. But it's no use, there is nothing I can do. I just go limp and try to think of anything else, but my mind is just blank. 

He stops to admire the deep purple hickey he left on me, and sets me back down. "Katrina is a very important patron of mine, not to mention she's your sister." 

"Half sister." I hiss at him, to which I receive a hard slap on my cheek. 

"Don't correct me. You will play nice with her, she wants to talk to you. So you will listen, you will smile politely and accept the apology that you do not deserve. And if you don't, I'll go after your little friend, Clio." 

I freeze when he mentions Celeste. I know he's serious, he makes similar threats to others. I nod at him stiffly, knowing I don't have a choice. 

He pays my head gently, "That's it my love, and wear a lower cut shirt, I want everyone to see that you belong to me." He said as he rubs the purple mark he left on the lower portion of my neck. 

I watch him walk down the hallway and turn to walk the other way. All of a sudden I feel a sharp pain in my back. I whip around to see Katrina's smirking face, holding a dagger covered in blood.

I fall to the ground, gasping for air. She bends down and places her fingers under my chin to yank my face up, "Why?" I croak as I feel myself becoming weaker. 

She looks at me with hate filled grey eyes and whispers, "Because everyone chooses you." 

Before I could say anything else, she raises the dagger back up and brings it back down on me. 

(End of dream) 

I gasp for air as I roll around violently in my bed. I sit up in my bed, half expecting Katrina to be in my room somewhere. Once my brain accepts the fact that I was just having another nightmare, my heart beat gradually went back to its normal rhythm. 

I look outside to see a little bit of light as the sun slowly rises. I look to Sasha's bed and notice she is not there anymore. Shit, I'm running a little late. 

I grab my uniform and run to the showers to get ready. I prefer to go earlier because I don't like the other girls staring at my scars, it makes me uncomfortable. 

There were a few girls when I got there. Petra smiles at me as she sees me walk in, "Good morning, (y/n/n)! Late start today? You're usually here before anyone." 

"Ahhh yeah," I laugh nervously, "Slept in a little." 

"You're always the one that gets up the earliest on our team, and Oluo gets up the latest. But you two seemed to have switched roles for the day." Petra commented as she brushed her short strawberry blonde hair in front of the mirror.

"Sorry?" I respond, not paying much attention to her in my haste to get undressed and into the shower.

"Oluo apparently got up super early, well early for Oluo anyway. Eld told me he was up before him, which never happens. And here you are waking up late, I was just saying it was odd." She frowned looking over at me, "Are you okay, (y/n/n)? You look a little pale." 

"No, I'm fine, just in a hurry, sorry." I say as I hop into the shower. "Do you want me to wait for you? I don't mind, I already had breakfast." Petra offered as she got into her uniform. 

"Oh no, it's okay, I'm fine really." I answer, I appreciate her offer, but I just wanted to be left alone. 

"Okay," Petra sighs, "Just remember we have that lecture in half an hour!" Now fully clothed, she left along with the other women, leaving me alone in the shower room. 

I showered quickly and started doing my best to towel dry my hair. I run my fingers through my (h/l) (h/c) hair, maybe I'll leave it down today. At least I had a decent enough sleep last night to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes. 

I accept my appearance and look at the time. I better head straight to the lecture hall, I'll miss breakfast, but it is what it is. 

I make my way over to the lecture hall, enjoying the peaceful walk. I notice a familiar tall blonde man walking with another familiar small dark haired man, presumably also to the lecture room, so I ran up behind them. 

"Good morning Commander Erwin, Captain Levi." I greeted them pleasantly. They seem a bit surprised by my pleasant disposition, which made me laugh a little. "Thank you again for trying to help me, I know you meant well. Even if it does come off as extremely nosy." I felt kind of bad yelling at them yesterday, I know they are just trying to protect me. 

"Yeah yeah, Brat." Levi mumbled at my thank you. Erwin patted the top of my head, making me blush a little, "Don't worry about it, cadet." He smirks at my red face as Levi does his signature 'tsk'. 

I walked the rest of the way to the lecture hall with them, "You have an interesting family, (l/n)." Levi grumbled. "Yeah, oh right! I guess I should introduce you two to Beth, her biological clock is ticking, and I did promise my mom you know." I say, smiling at the both of them. 

"Don't you dare." Levi growled at me, so I turn and raise my eyebrows at Erwin, "Pass." He laughed at my fake sad face. 

When we got to the lecture hall, Petra was waiting outside the closed door. When she saw us walking up to her she grabbed my arm and tried pulling me away from the door, "(y/n/n)! There you are! Come with me." I give her a confused expression, "We have a lecture to attend, Petra. What are you doing?" I shrug her off easily and laugh a bit at her strange behaviour. Levi narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Petra as I open the door, and realize why Petra didn't want me walking in. 

On the walls were various portraits of me when I was working for Laurie. There were portraits of me by myself and with various other men and women. I was never naked in any of them, but I was scantly clad in all of them. Wearing various rich silks that cling to my body, showing off my curves. And in most of my portraits was the name Laurie gave me, 'Peitho'. 

I was shocked to find Oluo standing at the front of the lecture hall with the rest of my squad, and various other squads that were supposed to be attending the lecture planned for today. "There she is!" I hear Oluo shout with delight when he saw me, "Just the person we have been waiting for." 

I stood there, not moving an inch, barely even breathing. How did he get these? It had to have been when we were all in Stohess. But when did he have the time if they were watching me? 

Levi and Erwin looked furious. They both started stepping forward, but I grabbed both of their arms, "Let him get it off his chest, this has been building up." They both look at me confused. The way I see it, I may as well hear what he thinks he knows, so I know what to defend myself against. Levi and Erwin stay next to me as Oluo starts his rant. 

"I had an interesting trip to Stohess yesterday, where I met a beautiful young woman who has a lot to say about our mystery cadet here, (y/n) (l/n)!" He said to his audience, gesturing at me. 

"You can try to hide who you really are, (y/n). But the truth will always come out." Oluo says as he smirks at me, I refuse to show any kind of emotion. 

"Turns out, she is nothing but a common whore from the capital, and originally from the underground. One who got everything handed to her from people who rented her and the man who made her famous. Making her the star in most of his theatre's productions, having fans fall all over her. Sleeping your way to the top seemed to work for you, huh? Until it didn't." He continued, "The reason she came here is because her drunken antics got her into too much trouble and she was thrown out. Not being able to show her face in the underground again, she came here." 

That's an interesting story, it must have been one of the girls I worked with. Maybe from the lounge... It sounds like a story they would make up, they have been trying to shame me since I started working there. They probably showed Oluo that article that was written about me too. 

I couldn't contain a little chuckle that escaped from me. I covered my mouth, trying not to let any more out. Honestly, I did get into some drunken antics after I was forced back to Laurie after Mac died. But I was always able to maintain my composure for most of the time. 

Oluo must have heard my giggle, because he started getting angry, "I suppose you would find it funny. I wonder how your husband would have felt if he knew what you did after his death, what was his name? Malcolm Meyer?" 

I freeze when he mentions Mac. I can hear quite a few people murmuring in surprise, hearing that I had been married. He had to have read the article, or they told him I was married. 

I hold my tongue, let him finish, he's hated me for awhile, let him get it all out. "Your lovely ex-coworkers said they were very surprised when you came back like nothing happened after he died. But I guess that makes sense, since you only married him to piss off your boss." Whoop, there it is. 

"Very nice portraits by the way, looks like you were treated like royalty to me. Yet, as a spoiled brat, you didn't appreciate any of it, and now you're hiding here, afraid to show your face in the capital, and afraid anyone would recognize you here, huh? How pathetic." Oluo stops and smirks at me, waiting for me to respond. 

"The defendant would like to testify in her own defence." I say as I raise my hand. "Please, I'd love to see you talk your way out of this one." He smiles as he gestures me to stand next to him. 

"You think living in the capital was a privilege?" I ask him, slowly taking off my jacket and shirt, leaving me standing there in my pants and sports bra. 

"They ask the painters to avoid painting any scars or bruises," I say as I turn around for Oluo to see some of my scars on my back and stomach, "This is what it's like working in the capital, nothing is what it seems." 

I stop turning and lock my gaze on Oluo, "Who was it?" Oluo doesn't answer. I know it had to be one of the girls from the lounge, seeing as he was in Stohess. 

"Doesn't matter now I suppose, you told them I was a scout correct?" I asked him, he nodded in response. It won't be long before Laurie knows, I'm sure he already knows... it's too late. 

"I did what I had to do to survive in the capital." I say quietly, "Do you think that just because there are no titans in the capital, it isn't dangerous? Do you know what happens to you if you disobey the person who owns you in the capital?" 

"Let me guess, tortured and killed." Oluo answers nonchalantly. 

"They don't just kill and torture you," I reply to him, "They erase you. You have no idea the things they can do to you. They have the ability to make the people you love and care about most, forget you. Any portrait ever painted of you, and document that ever mentions you is destroyed. They let you live long enough to see everyone you love move on with their lives without you, not even knowing who you are." 

I sigh heavily, "I don't understand what you're trying to do here, Oluo," I continue, "Are you trying to shame me into quitting? What's you're angle here? What's the point of all this?" Oluo doesn't say anything, just stares at me silently. 

"For the record, the men who rented me didn't sleep with me, they were allowed to do much worse. The level of depravity that exists among a lot of power people, would keep you up at night. You can try to lie about me, and make me feel bad for the things I have done to survive. But I make no apologies for anything I have done. No matter how demeaning or painful it was, it kept me alive." I grab Oluo by the collar of his shirt and pulled his face closer to mine. 

"It must be exhausting thinking of no one else but me, Oluo. I'm flattered, but maybe you should focus on yourself. Keep my portraits, I'm sure it'll be the closest you get to a half naked woman." I hear scattered chuckling from some of the cadets watching us. 

"Another thing, I don't want you to forget, though I'm sure you won't since it does seem to keep you up at night for some reason. You'll never be better than this 'little slut' from the underground, no matter how hard you train." I let go of his collar, "And don't ever mention my late husband's name again. Say it again and you will see a side of me that no one here has witnessed yet. He saved me, you aren't a quarter of the man he was." 

I hold Oluo's gaze for a little longer before turning to leave. Did I see a little hint of remorse behind his beady eyes? I was used to petty lies and slander when it came to the people I worked with at Laurie's, I wasn't expecting it from here though. 

I push past anyone who stood between myself and the door, a few people tried to stop me, but I was determined to leave. I couldn't breathe, I was starting to panic, I need fresh air. 

I ran until I made my way outside and collapsed to my knees. Laurie knows where I am now. He's going to find me. What's going to happen now? Technically, I don't belong to him anymore, so he doesn't have the right to take me. But he has his ways, he always gets what he wants in the end, and what he has always wanted was me. And now he has found me. 

My mind is racing, going through all of the possible scenarios. What if he goes after Beth? He's threatened to do that before, even if Laurie is a good friend of her father's, if it got to me he would do it no matter what. 

What if he finds out Peter helped me? Will he make the connection? What will happen to his kids? Will he go after them? I wouldn't put it past him. 

"(Y/n)," I feel a hand grab my shoulder. I react immediately. I pull hard on the arm and push my body against the one behind me to flip them over my shoulder and onto the ground... Oops, it was Peter. 

"Peter? I'm sorry, I-I-," I stuttered when I saw it was him. "Damnit (y/n)," Peter winces as he sat up, "I think you dislocated my shoulder." He was right, I see his left arm hanging limply at his side, showing the top of the socket where his arm bone should be. 

"Captain Levi and Commander Erwin came and got me, they said you were upset." He moans, holding onto his left arm. I look up to see them standing just behind Peter, "You forgot these," Erwin cleared his throat and handed me my shirt and jacket. I didn't even realize I was still only in my pants and sports bra. "Thanks," I murmur as I take my shirt and jacket from Erwin. My cheeks were red and I refused to look up at him or Levi. 

"Here, let me fix that." I say to to Peter, examining his shoulder. 

"No way, you're not touching my body." He groans as I kneel beside him. "Peter, you taught me how to pop them back in before with one of your patients, I can do it." I try to reason with him. 

"No!" He growled. 

... I think I have an idea. 

"Peter, please! What will I do if something were to happen to make it worse? How long can you wait until someone else comes along to help? If you leave it too long it will only get worse!" I lean closer to him, "I would never forgive myself." My (e/c) eyes locking onto his, distracting him from my hands reaching toward his arm.

He looks at my lips as I move closer and closer. He doesn't move away or forward, and just before my lips touch his, I pop his shoulder back into place.

"Fuck!" Peter yells as he realized what I did, "You're the worst, you promised you would never use your seductive powers on me." I laughed and used my jacket to make him a sling as best I could, "Gotcha! You men are so easy to distract." 

"So what happened?" Peter asks, looking at me seriously. My smile fades immediately at his question. 

"Oluo," Levi snarled, "When we were in Stohess district, it seems he left his post to go to a lounge where he saw a portrait of (y/n). Apparently, he gave her some information about (y/n) in exchange for portraits of her, that he showed to as many people as he could." 

Peter looked furious and looked at me again, I just smiled at him sadly, "It's fine, Peter," I say quietly, "I don't know what I was expecting, something like this was bound to happen." 

"Are you seriously trying to defend him?" Levi asked. "No, I'm just saying they would have found out eventually. They know how to get information out of people, I should know, I did it for a time too. Plus I got a chance to defend myself against the lies." 

I finally help Peter from off the ground, and brushed him off a bit. "Whatever is going to happen, will happen. I don't see a point in talking about it anymore. I have to prepare myself for what is to come next." 

"What do you mean?" Erwin asked, a worried expression on his face. 

I try to give him a smile, but I just couldn't muster one right now. "Don't worry sir. It's me they're after, they won't bother you." Before they can say anything else, I salute them and jog back inside. 

I need to punch something... Guess I'm heading to the training grounds.


	12. Chapter 12: The Visitor

Eren’s POV 

“What the hell was that, Oluo?” I yell at him after (y/n) ran out of the room, and Petra and I kicked all the the other squads out. 

“Tch, shut up, brat. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” He says, trying to wave me off. 

I was trying to wrap my mind around everything Oluo and (y/n) said. Oluo has had a stick up his ass about (y/n) since the first time he met her. But I never would have thought it would come down to this... 

Petra came up behind Oluo and gave him a good hard smack to the back of his head. “You idiot!” She yelled, “What were you thinking? You were just going to take some strangers word against (y/n) because you’re jealous of (y/n)’s skill and the attention she gets from the captain? What the hell is wrong with you?!” 

“She’s so secretive, what does she expect is going to happen? I think we, being her fellow squad members, deserve to know who she is and where she came from.” Oluo mutters, rubbing the back of his head where Petra hit him. 

“So you just asked some random girl who worked in this lounge about (y/n), and you just took her word for it?” Eld asked, giving Oluo a disapproving look. 

“It’s not like she gave us much to go on!” Oluo tried, half-heartedly, to defend his actions, “I mean, maybe I would be more inclined to believe (y/n) if she had given us something from the get-go.” 

“Captain Levi trusts her, isn’t that enough for you? Why does she have to prove herself to you? Especially when you gave her the cold shoulder from the beginning.” Asked Gunter, crossing his arms. 

“She’s apart of our squad now, her past doesn’t matter,” Petra added, “I’ve seen the scars on her body, it’s clear she has been through a lot. And for you to do that to her, that’s pretty low. I would have attacked you if you did something like that to me, but she did her best to show restraint even though you were spreading lies about her!” 

“I never knew she had all those scars, and how was I supposed to know the woman from the lounge was lying to me?” Oluo rebutted, finally showing signs of remorse. 

“You aren’t supposed to just ‘know’,” Petra explained, “You’re supposed to be a decent human being and leave people alone that want to be left alone.” 

Oluo looked down at the floor. I can’t tell if he’s going to try and justify himself again, or if he is actually going to agree with us. 

“You should apologize to her,” Petra continued, “She was hiding for a reason, and now there is a good chance whoever you spoke with told the person she is trying to hide from. And now her worst fears are about to come true.” 

I wanted to try and go after her myself, she’s good at hiding her real emotions, but she must be pretty freaked out right now. 

“I’m going to go look for her,” I mumble to my squad mates, and turn to leave the room. “I’ll go with you.” I hear Oluo sigh behind me. I just nod at him and we set out to go and look for her. 

She was pretty pissed off, so my best guess would be she’s probably somewhere on the training grounds. 

Oluo and I are silent the whole way. He’s probably trying to figure out what he’s going to say to her. What do I even say? ‘Hey (y/n), I’m sorry Oluo forced your secrets out and posted some portraits of you while you were half naked!’ 

I shake my head, hopefully I’ll figure it out when we get there. 

We reach the training grounds and as I suspected she was there. She was going hard on one of the practice dummies, probably fantasizing it being Oluo. 

She didn’t seem to notice our entrance, too busy in her own little world. 

“(Y/n),” I say tentatively, making my way slowly toward her, “How are you?” I didn’t know what else to say... 

“... Spectacular.” She said, while flashing a sarcastic smile. 

“Ah, and of course you’re here too.” She groaned, noticing Oluo was there too, “Haven’t you already said and don’t enough?” 

Oluo stepped up beside me, “I just wanted to talk to you.” 

“Well, I don’t want to hear it, I heard enough. So you can leave before I decide to use you as my training dummy.” She said as she turned her attention back to the training dummy. 

“I wanted to apologize.” Oluo replied, making (y/n) pause, “Why are you sorry?” She asked, keeping her back to him. 

“It wasn’t my intention to sell you out to bad people-“ 

“But it was though,” (y/n) said calmly, now turning to look at Oluo, “Of course it was your intention to sell me out. Obviously I hid my identity because I’m hiding from bad people. But you did it anyway. Your ‘apology’ means nothing to me. I don’t know what I ever did to you for you to hate me, Oluo. But you made your point. We are on the same squad, so of course I’m going to do everything I can to help you, if need be, out in the field. But as for when we are at HQ, every time I see your face I want to punch it. So I would stay away if I were you.” 

She goes back to punching and kicking the dummy. I expected Oluo to leave her be after that, but he stood his ground, “Fine, have a go then.” 

(Y/n) turns around to look at him again, “What?” 

“Punch me in the face.” Oluo replied simply, “Just try to avoid my nose... Actually no, wherever you want, go.” Oluo shut his eyes and waited for (y/n)’s response. 

“Why are you doing this?” (Y/n) asked, sighing in frustration. 

“I am sorry, (y/n). I just had tunnel vision when it came to disliking you. You just remind me of someone I knew once, he was better at me in pretty much every way. But his attitude got him into trouble. I still don’t really know why I chose to take it so far with you. And I don’t know how to make it up to you.” 

(Y/n) is still for a moment, probably a bit shocked by Oluo’s suggestion and admission. But then without any warning, she aimed her punch right toward his groin, sending Oluo tumbling to the ground moaning in pain. 

“Nope, still mad.” (Y/n) smirked as she held out a hand to help him up. 

“What do I have to do for you to forgive me?” Oluo asked as he accepted her helping hand, “I can help you with your training.” 

“No thanks,” She says to his suggestion, “I’m already better than you in most things.” 

... She’s not wrong. 

“A battle between us then, if I best you in something, you have to forgive me.” Oluo said while holding out his hand for (y/n) to shake it. 

“A cockfight? Intriguing.” She laughed as she considers Oluo’s offer. “What do I get out of this?” 

“You get to have me challenge you and you humiliate me by winning the challenge. Until I do eventually beat you of course.” He explains with a smirk. 

“It doesn’t happen just like that you know, I’m not going to just forgive you.” (Y/n) said seriously. 

“I know,” Oluo sighed, “But I’m going to try like hell to make it up to you.” 

(Y/n) bites her lower lip, it looked like she was really deep in thought. “Okay.” She said finally, and shook Oluo’s still outstretched hand. 

“Not to be rude to you Eren, but can you please go? Oluo, I don’t mind being rude to you, fuck off.” (Y/n) chuckled as she let go of Oluo’s hand, “I kind of want to be alone with dummy Oluo.” Oluo nodded and left the training grounds, but I stood there for a bit longer. 

“That was fast.” I commented to (y/n) as she goes back to punching and kicking the dummy. “What’s the point in staying angry?” She responded simply, “It’s already done, and I need to prepare for what is evidently coming my way. I don’t have the time or the energy to waste on hating Oluo.” 

“So, you were married?” I ask her quietly. She stops punching the dummy again, and just stands with her back to me. 

“Yes.” 

“He was a lucky man.” I say, trying and failing to cheer her up. “I don’t see it that way.” She said, lowering her gaze to the ground. I didn’t really know what else to say... 

“I’m sorry that he died.” I comment quietly. 

“Me too.” 

There was another awkward silence, so I tried to keep the conversation going. “You know you can talk to me. I know I may not know the first thing about what you went through, or what you’re going through now. But I do know we all need someone to confide in, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you, no judgements.” 

She turned around and gave me a genuine smile, “Thanks Eren, but I’m okay, I promise. I just need to be alone for a little while.” She walks closer and plants a soft kiss on my cheek. It made my heart beat super fast and my cheeks flush a deep red. 

With that I leave her and the dummy and walk back into HQ, completely lost in thought and dazed. 

Author’s POV 

The man with shoulder length silvery blonde hair was busy looking over some documents, when he heard a knock at his door. 

“Come in,” He muttered to the person on the other side. 

“Laurie,” A woman says as she walks into his office, brushing her long golden hair away from her face, “I have some new information for you.” She says, smiling sweetly at Lawrence. 

He looks up from his paper work and frowns at her, “Antheia, you better have a good reason for disturbing me. Do you need 20 more lashes?” 

“No sir,” Antheia answered nervously, “I just thought you would like to know that I have information pertaining to (y/n)’s whereabouts.” 

Lawrence immediately stops looking through papers and gives Antheia his full attention. 

“It appears she has joined the Survey Corps, on a special operations squad,” Antheia continued, “A man from her squad, Oluo, came into the lounge in Stohess yesterday, and he recognized one of her portraits hanging up.” 

Lawrence leans back in his chair, waiting for her to continue. “It appears she tried to hide her identity, but that didn’t work out as planned. It’s doubtful that she has confined with him about her time here, he probably would have said something.” 

“The Survey Corps, huh?” Lawrence mumbled to himself, “Alright, I won’t waste anytime, I’ll go immediately. 

Antheia gives him a wide smile, “Do you want some company sir? What do you plan on doing to her? I would love to watch.” 

Lawrence pauses before leaving his office, “Are you requesting something from me? You don’t question me, you do what you’re told.” He grabbed her by her throat, and pushed her against the wall. 

“Don’t forget your place you filthy whore. I let you work in the lounge because you were being a good little pet. But I think I’ll send you back to my brothel instead. Jealousy is not attractive.” Antheia’s eyes went wide as she gasped for air, clawing at Lawrence’s hand around her neck. 

Lawrence let go and Antheia collapsed on the ground, gasping for air. He grabbed a handful for her hair, “Report to the brothel tonight, if you don’t make every man or woman that walks in happy, I’ll chain you up for a week.” 

Lawrence lets go of her long golden hair and walks past her out of his office door. He started the long journey to his carriages, the men and women who worked for him bowed and greeted him as he walked past. 

He reached his carriage house and waved at one of the drivers, “Good day Mr. Pearson, where can I take you today?” 

Lawrence let himself into the carriage, “Take me to the Survey Corps headquarters.” He said as he tucked a stray silvery blonde hair behind his ear. 

“Of course sir,” the driver replied, bowing to him before getting in his own seat. With a little bit of clicking from the driver, the horses took off toward their destination. 

Lawrence’s mind was consumed only of thoughts of you. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on you again. He knew he would find you again, and he has waited as patiently as he could. He was looking forward to seeing you after 3 years, and no one was going to get in his way. 

Your POV

I decided after I was done training for the day, I would take another shower right away before dinner. I went pretty hard all day, and now I just feel gross. 

I sigh with relief as I take my sweat soaked clothes off and hoped into the shower. Training was definitely helping me keep my mind off of what happened this morning. But now that I’m done, I can’t help but worry about what happens next. 

I have no idea what Laurie is going to do. Is he going to come after me? Of course he is. But I don’t want him to get to anyone else here. He’s a smooth talker and can be very persuasive when recruiting. 

“(Y/n), are you in here?” I hear Petra call from the doorway, “Yeah,” I answer, “I’m almost done, what is it?” 

I hear her walk into the shower room, “Nothing really, I just wanted to see how you were doing.” 

I turn off the shower and grab my towel off the hook, “I’m fine, Petra. I promise.” 

“You know you’re all anyone talks about today,” Petra giggled as she sat on one of the benches, “All good things, I swear.” 

I give her a half smile, “Oh, that’s good I suppose.” I start to brush out my wet hair, and pull it up into a tight bun on top of my head.” 

“You’re still here.” I commented to Petra, who was still staring at me from the bench. 

Her cheeks went a little red, “I just thought I would wait for you so we can head to dinner together.” 

“Petra,” I tut her, “You have to pay or the pleasure of my company like everyone else.” 

“Oh... ummm... I-,” She stuttered, causing me to laugh a little, “I’m joking, Petra.” I typically use humour to cheer myself up, especially when it makes other people uncomfortable. 

Her face goes completely red and she avoids looking at me in the eye. I get dressed in my casual clothes and shrug at my appearance, good enough. 

Petra follows me out of the shower room, and we make our way to the Mess Hall together. 

“So, Oluo spoke with you?” Petra asks, breaking the comfortable silence. “Yeah, I heard him out, I can tell when someone is being genuine. He still didn’t really explain why he did it though... Still confused at that part.” I reply quietly. 

“I think he’s jealous that Captain Levi spends a lot of his time with you.” Petra started, which stopped me in my tracks. 

“Huh?” I say, narrowing my eyes at her, “Does he?” 

Petra nodded and half smiled at me, “Yeah, you haven’t noticed?” 

“... No... I think you’re reading too much into it.” I tell her as we enter the Mess hall and grab our dinner. 

I decide to take a seat with the rest of my squad, sitting beside Eren and across from Oluo. This is the first time he actually greeted me and acknowledged me without any sarcasm. 

“I’ve never seen you two together outside of squad activities,” Eld noted as he watched Petra and I walk over and sit at the table. 

“Yeah,” I nodded, “She was watching me shower and then followed me here.” 

Petra’s face goes red again, “I was not! That’s not true!” I laugh at her response, “It’s not not true. And she also told me Oluo is jealous because I have breasts and Levi pays more attention to me.” 

“Well, that’s not entirely inaccurate.” Gunter chuckled thoughtfully. 

“Honestly, I don’t think he notices stuff like that,” I reply, “The only thing he seems to be into is cleaning supplies. It’s his ‘thing’.” 

“Tell you what, if I had a pair of tits I would definitely let Captain Levi have a go on them if it meant he would train me more.” Oluo commented quietly. 

I looked up and smirked as I saw Levi standing behind Oluo and give him a firm smack to the back of his head. “Oluo, you could never pay me enough to fondle your breasts.” 

Oluo narrows his eyes at me, “You knew he was behind me and didn’t say anything?” 

“I just thought you were too shy to admit your true feelings to Captain Levi, I was only trying to help.” I say as I smile sweetly at him. 

Levi sat down at the table and looked over at me, “When you’re finished your dinner, I need you to come to my office. There is something I need to speak with you about the upcoming expedition in a couple weeks.” 

I nod at his and bring my focus back on my dinner. I wonder what he wants... we’ve already been over where we are in formation, and expectations while we are out there... 

“By the way, Oluo,” I look up from my food again, “What did you do with those portraits of mine you put up?” 

“I took them down, but a lot of people were asking me to sell them one.” Oluo admitted, face going a little red. 

Hmmm, interesting... “If you sell any of them, I want an 80% cut.” I say, giving Oluo a lop sided grin. I hate the thought of my portraits still being up in Laurie’s lounge, might as well make a profit out of it. 

“Deal.” Oluo agreed and I went back to finishing my dinner. 

Levi gets up from the table and walks out of the Mess Hall, probably heading to his office. 

I notice that Petra was pretty quiet all of a sudden, she is usually pretty chatty. “Is everything okay?” I ask her, a little concerned. 

“Don’t worry, she’s just jealous that Captain Levi invited you to his room.” Oluo smirked as Petra kicked him under that table. 

Oh, I guess that means Petra must have some type of feelings for Levi. “I’m not going to his room,” I protested, “I’m going to his office.” 

“His room is attached to his office.” Oluo smiles and raises his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Don’t worry, Petra. I’m sure if you cover yourself in his favourite cleaning solution and walk into his office, he’ll be rock hard.” I reassure her as I get up from the table. 

“(Y/n!” She yells after me as I leave the Mess Hall. 

Levi’s POV 

I was sitting in my office doing some paperwork, waiting for (y/n) to get here. I’m worried about her, I need to know how she is doing after the eventful morning she has had. 

She had been working hard to prepare for the upcoming mission. But if she is distracted by these recent events, I can’t risk losing her out in the field. 

My train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door, “Name and business?” I call to the person behind the door. 

“Cadet (y/n) (l/n), here to attend to all your personal needs, master.” I hear (y/n) from outside the door. I know she’s joking... But I secretly hoped she wasn’t. 

“Come in,” I sigh, trying to stop the dirty thoughts coming to my mind. 

“Hello again, sir,” She smiles politely at me and takes a seat in front of my desk. 

Her big (e/c) eyes settle on me, waiting for me to address her. I’ve never seen her in a tight bun before. I liked it a lot, it showed off her pretty face. Though I do also like seeing her hair in a ponytail, but it is more distracting as all I want to do is grab it while - 

“Are you okay, sir?” She asks, giving me a worried look. I shake my head, trying to get rid off the depraved thoughts going through my head. 

“I was going to ask you that actually.” I reply, leaning back in my chair a bit as I study her. 

“I’m fine, sir.” She reassures me quickly, “I’ve dealt with much worse.” 

“This is an important mission, a lot is riding in it. I need all of you to be at your best.” I say, looking at her sternly. 

“I understand, sir.” She leans closer to me, “I know there has been a lot going on with me, but you can count on me out there, I won’t fail you.” 

She smelled really good, was that a hint of lavender? Pull yourself together, Levi. You’re reminding her to stay focused, when you keep getting distracted by her. 

“Alright, but a lot of people’s lives are on the line here,” I remind her, “Any kind of distraction can mean the death of you or someone else.” 

I receive another knock at the door, this time it was Erwin. He walks in and pauses when he sees (y/n). 

“Cadet (l/n),” he greeted her, “Is everything alright?” 

(Y/n) turned around and greeted him with a smile, “Yes sir, Captain Levi was just offering to buy one of my half naked portraits, so you want in too?” 

“Get out.” I growled at her. She laughs and saluted both of us and takes her leave. 

Your POV 

After I exited Levi’s office, I decide to head to my room. I’m definitely more tired than usual today, there was just a lot going on. 

Everyone knows who I am now, and I just have to accept that. I should make Oluo give me the name of the girl who he spoke with. That way I will know for sure how worried I should be. 

I sigh as I reach my room, so ready to collapse onto my bed. I open the door to see Sasha talking to someone. 

I was about to ask what was going on, but I freeze immediately when I got a better look at the man. 

“Ah! There she is!” The man with silvery blonde hair and amber eyes said, “I missed you so much my little Peitho!” 

Sasha looked over at me, confused by how scared I appeared to be. “Hey (y/n), we were just talking about you! It’s so nice for a family friend to come and visit.” She said, unaware that this is the man who made my life a living hell. 

“Come here, beautiful! Where is my hug?” Laurie said as he stepped closer to me. 

Sasha seemed to become a bit more uneasy when I backed away from him. I made my way around the room, trying to keep myself just out of his reach. 

“I’ve missed you, you know,” His tone was becoming more menacing, “I took you in didn’t I? Bought you the best clothes, fed you and housed you. And what do you do for me? Leave me for a man who can never give you what I gave you. And when I took you back in after he died, you run away again.” Laurie is getting angrier and angrier with each word he speaks. 

I can’t speak, all I can do is back away until I can’t anymore. I feel the cold glass of the window behind me. 

Sasha can see the panic in my eyes and steps in, “I’m sorry sir, but we really aren’t supposed to have visitors in our room. We could get in trouble.” 

Laurie turns to her, “Of course, I’m very sorry dear. You know, you are very cute. I would love to have you come and work for me. You get to live a life of luxury and get to leave this depressing place behind.” Laurie smiles as he reaches his hand toward Sasha, and that triggered me.

I snap out of my frozen state and grab his arm, “Don’t you fucking touch her.” I growl at him, digging my nails into his arm. 

That did it. He grabbed me by my neck and threw me at the window. My back hit it hard, shattering the first pane of glass. I could feel the shards dig into my back and I look up at Sasha. 

“Sasha,” I wheeze, “Run! Get out of here.” She pauses, not wanting to leave me alone with him. But someone had to go get help, and I didn’t want Laurie to take his anger out on her too. Especially when he’s like this. 

Sasha runs out the door and out of site, I breathe a sigh of relief that she is safe. 

Laurie picks me up again and I can feel the blood dripping down my back and onto the floor. 

“You stupid bitch,” He screams at me, “You think you can just run off and that’s that?!” 

“I don’t belong to you anymore,” I cough as he wraps his hand around my neck, “I have full citizenship now.” 

He smiles at me, “You think a piece of paper can protect you from me? You’re mine, (y/n). You always will be. You’ll come back to me, you just wait.” 

I freeze when he pushes me against the wall and starts attacking my neck with his lips. Words can’t describe how much I hate it. It made my skin crawl whenever he touched me. But I couldn’t move. Years of enduring his abuse left me powerless against him, and he knew it. 

It was like he was literally sucking the life out of me as he marks me as his own once again. I can’t think straight, and my mind goes blank. I black out as I see another figure grab Laurie and slam him against the wall. Leaving me to topple to the ground, motionless.


	13. Chapter 13: Exposed

Erwin's POV

"So, what was (y/n) doing here?" I ask Levi as I sit in the chair (y/n) just left. Her lavender scent still hung in the air. "I was making sure she is mentally ready for the upcoming expedition." He replied, focusing on the stack of papers he had in front of him. 

"You didn't tell her the real plan, did you?" I inquire, leaning back in my chair a bit, studying Levi. 

"Of course not," He answered, "Although, it may be a good idea to talk to her about it when we get back. Maybe she's heard or read about the possibility of other titan shifters from her time in the capital." 

Hm, that may not be a bad idea. It's too risky to press her about it now, but maybe something will jog her memory when we get back... 

The silence of the room is interrupted by Hange. "Don't you know how to knock?" Levi grumbled as Hange pulls up a chair beside me. 

She waved off his question and went straight into her own, "I was thinking about (y/n), don't you think she could be a potential useful source of information from the capital?" 

Funny, (y/n) seems to be on everyone's minds today, though I guess that is to be expected, "We were just talking about her actually," I nod, "But I am a bit concerned about her remembering too much. When I spoke with Dr. Thompson, he warned me not to dig too far." 

"But what if she can remember something really important?" Hange argues, "What if it could really be useful? I'm sure (y/n) would want to help anyway she can." 

"We don't know enough," Levi cuts in, "Plus, there is no guarantee she will remember anything." 

"I've read up on ways to recover lost memories," Hange said excitedly, "Maybe we could try that!" 

"No." Levi and I both answer. I'm also curious to know what is buried deep in her mind, but I'll never make her suffer for my own curiosity. 

Before we could continue the conversation, Cadet Blouse burst into Levi's office. 

"What the hell are you doing, Cadet?!" Levi yells at the terrified looking girl. 

"I'm sorry, sir. But (y/n) is in trouble, please hurry!" She gasped as she tried to catch her breath. 

Without another word we all ran after her toward their dorm room. 

It doesn't take us long, we burst through the door and saw (y/n) being pinned against the window by a man who appeared to be kissing her neck. Anger flared up in me immediately and I quickly made my way over to the man, grabbed him and threw all my weight into him, pinning him against the wall. 

(Y/n) fell to the ground, eyes open but didn't seem to see anything. She looked lifeless; there was no light in her (e/c) eyes, and she just stared at the ground, unmoving. Then I notice the blood on the floor and the broken window. (Y/n) had shards of glass sticking out of her back. 

"Hange, get (y/n) and bring her to my office, it's closer than the hospital wing. Levi, go get Dr. Thompson." I say to them, now taking my eyes off the man in front of me. 

The man had shoulder length silvery blonde hair and looked to be in his mid to late 50s. I wanted to go with (y/n), but I had to deal with this vermin. 

"Who are you?" I growled at him. "Her owner." He replies as he smiles at me. 

"You're Lawrence, aren't you?" I ask him, tightening my hold on him even more. 

"She told you about me, good. Then you'll know I've come to take her back to where she belongs." His smile fades and his amber eyes grew darker.

"She's not going anywhere," I smirk at him, "She's a scout now, she belongs here with me." 

"We'll see." Lawrence replied as I pull his hands behind his back and walk him out of (y/n)'s room. 

As we were walking down the hall, Mike comes rushing around the corner, "What's going on? I just saw (y/n)..." He pauses as he analyzes the man in front of me. 

I was relieved to see Mike, he can deal with Lawrence so I can check on (y/n). "Mike, take him to the dungeons and don't take your eyes off of him. I have to go check on (y/n)." Mike nodded and took Lawrence from me. 

As I start to head toward my office, I hear Lawrence say, "Tell her I'll see her soon!" I ignore him and quicken my pace. 

Hange's POV

I figured the bad guy from (y/n)'s past would show up sooner rather than later, but I didn't expect it to be this fast. 

When we entered the room, right away Levi and I made our way over toward (y/n), and Erwin went for the man attacking her. 

I've never seen either man more angry than they were in that moment. Erwin ordered me to bring (y/n) to his office, and for Levi to go get Dr. Thompson. 

"(Y/n), can you get up?" I ask her gently. She's conscious, but it's like she is not even there. Her usually bright (e/c) eyes were now dull and lifeless, open but seeing nothing. 

I grab her under her arms and pull her to her feet. She stands a little shakily, so I put my arm carefully around her, avoiding the glass sticking out of her back, so she can lean on me and walk. 

Levi ran in the direction of Thompson's office, as I make my way toward Erwin's. 

Just before I'm at Erwin's door, I see Mike walking down the hallway. He sees us and rushes over, "What the hell happened?" He asked as he looked over (y/n) with concern. 

"No time to explain," I say quickly, "Go to (y/n)'s room, Erwin may need help." 

He nods and quickly makes his way down the hall and out of site. 

When I finally get (y/n) into Erwin's office I bring her into the bathroom, and sat her on the edge of the tub. 

"Do you have any personal attachment to your shirt?" I ask her as I grab a pair of scissors out of the drawer. She shakes her head, giving my permission to cut it off. No point in trying to slowly ease it over her head, might as well cut it off as to not disturb the glass that's keeping her from bleeding out. 

I cut her out of her shirt gently and ease it off the glass sticking out of her back. I throw it to the floor and examine the damage. She has 6 pieces sticking out of her back, and some other more shallow cuts. 

I saw some of her scars when she was confronting Oluo, but now that I'm closer, I have a better view of her back. They are all pretty unique, some long some short, some straight some jagged. There is an odd one that I can kind of see under her bra, but I can't make out the whole thing. 

I'm distracted by a quiet knock on the door, "I'll be right back." I tell (y/n) as I open the door. It was Levi, without Dr. Thompson. I walk the rest of the way out of the bathroom and close the door to protect (y/n)'s privacy. 

"What are you doing? Where's Thompson?" I ask him quietly. 

"He wasn't in his office. I asked around and someone said he was at his Stohess office. Here," he hands me a suture kit, "Better to just do it here, rather than moving her all the way to the hospital wing." 

I nod at him as he helps me look for a comfortable and practical enough spot to put (y/n), so I can slowly remove the glass from her back. 

All of a sudden we hear the water running in the shower. What is she doing? 

Levi and I rush into the bathroom to check on (y/n). She was standing in the water scratching at her neck furiously. 

"(Y/n)! What are you doing?" I yell at her as I make my way toward her. 

"I can feel him on me," she says in a quiet monotone voice, almost as if she were in a trance, "His touch burns, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, get it off." I grab her hand and see blood on her fingers. She was clawing at the hickey he left on her. 

Levi steps in and grabs her face, "(y/n)," he said in a calming voice, very uncharacteristic of him, "It's fine, you're safe now, he's gone and we have you." 

She looks at him with a confused look. But she relaxes slightly and allows him to pull her out of the tub. His face goes a little red when he sees (y/n) is only in her bra and pants. 

Erwin enters his office and walks into the bathroom too, as I place a bandage on (y/n)'s neck, "How is she doing? Where is Thompson?" He asks as he notices it's just the three of us there. 

"He's at his other office," Levi says, steering (y/n) out of the bathroom. "Where can we place her to stitch her up?" 

"Just place her on my bed, it's fine." He says as he goes to grab a couple clean towels. 

"Did you grab any painkillers?" I ask Levi, "We may be at this for a while." 

(Y/n) startled me by pulling hard on my arm, "No!" She screams, "No painkillers, please!" I'm shocked by how insistent she is, borderline hysterical, she looked terrified.. I wonder why.. 

Levi tries to calm her down again, "We're removing glass from your body and stitching you up. You're going to be in pain for awhile yet." 

"No!" She screams again, "Please! I'll behave, I promise!" Her pleading made me a little emotional. 'I'll behave'? She must have had a really bad experience with them... But how? 

"Okay okay," I finally give in, "No painkillers, just lay down on your stomach, okay?" She relaxed a little and let go of my arm, leaving some red marks behind from her nails. 

"I'm sorry," (y/n) apologizes when she sees the marks left on my arm. "Don't worry about it," I laugh and wave off her apology. 

Erwin lays some towels down on the bed so her blood doesn't stain his sheets. (Y/n) lays down on her stomach and rests her arms under her head.

"Alright, out boys! Girl time!" I shoo the two men out of the bedroom and close the door. 

"I'm going to undo your bra too," I warn (y/n), "I just want to have a full unobscured view of your back." 

She nods and I gently unhook her bra and push the straps aside. I make an audible gasp when I see the scar that lay under the fabric of her bra. 

It was a jagged uneven scar that spelt out 'slut'. (Y/n) must have known what I saw, "I got that from Laurie after Mac died. He didn't want me to forget how he felt about our marriage." She said quietly. 

I don't say anything... What can I say? How much does it hurt her to hear that word, knowing it's carved into her for life? She explained it so nonchalantly, as if she were just explaining what she had for dinner. But it must still bother her. 

I get to work removing the glass one shard at a time, trying to chat with her to keep her mind off of the pain. 

"You know, I've never seen Erwin and shorty so worked up over someone before. They must really like you." I say, chuckling softly. 

"They shouldn't." (Y/n) mumbles quietly. 

"You know, there are a lot of girls here who would love to get that attention from them," I continued, "I've never seen them like this before. It's kind of refreshing." 

She winces when I pull one of the longer shards out of her back. "I like them too." She mumbled, probably more to herself than to me. 

I smile when I hear that, things may get even more interesting... 

I was able to remove all the glass from her back fine. I covered her stitches with some bandages and told her I was finished. 

"Here, wear this." I say to (y/n) as I see her looking around after she does up her bra, handing her one of Erwin's shirts. 

She looks at the shirt and goes completely red, making me laugh rather loudly, "Come on, it's fine! You need something to wear." 

She glares at me but takes the white shirt from me. I watch as she stands up carefully and puts it on, it looks huge on her... it's adorable. 

"Come out when you're ready." I say to her as I exit the bedroom and close the door behind me. 

Erwin and Levi are still here. Erwin doing paper work and Levi sitting on the couch, reading a book. They both look up at me as I walk into the room, "Is she okay?" Erwin asks me, taking his focus off his paper work. 

"She'll be fine," I say with relief, "She should probably stay here for now though. At least until her window is replaced." 

Erwin nods, "I was already thinking of that." 

I laugh when I see the irritated look on Levi's face, I think someone is jealous. "You'll have to check on her stitches and clean them so they don't get infected," I instruct Erwin, "And just to warn you ahead of time, she has the word 'slut' carved into her back. So try not to be shocked by it, she's already uncomfortable enough as it is." 

Erwin and Levi are silent, just staring at me with anger in their eyes, "It wasn't me, I didn't do it!" I joke as I raise my hands up in surrender. "Stop joking, shitty glasses," Levi growled at me, "That's not funny." 

"I know," I respond seriously, "Apparently it was given to her by Lawrence after (y/n) returned to him after her husband died." 

The two men remain silent, lost in their own thoughts. "Well," I say, clapping my hands to snap Levi out of his thoughts, "Time for us to go, shorty! Let (y/n) get some sleep." 

Levi reluctantly followed me out of Erwin's office, giving him a look before closing the door behind me. I bid Levi goodnight and we parted ways to go to our own rooms. 

Erwin's POV 

After Hange and Levi leave I knock softly on my bedroom door, "(y/n), are you decent?" 

I hear her walk to the door and she opens it slowly. Hange must have given her one of my shirts to wear after cutting her's off. My breath catches in my throat when I get a good look at her. Her face is red and she's looking down at her feet. She looked really good in my shirt. 

I was at a loss for words, so (y/n) spoke up instead, "Sorry, Hange told me to wear it. I'll have it washed before I bring it back to you." 

"Please don't worry about it, it's fine." I tell her, "I just wanted to let you know you'll be staying here for a bit. Until the window in your room is replaced." 

"Is Sasha okay?" She asked me, a worried look on her face. "Yes, I believe she is staying in Cadet Ackerman's room." 

She giggled a bit when I finished, "Oh no, Mikasa is in for a treat." 

"Do you have an extra blanket?" She asks me while trying to exit my bedroom. "Are the blankets on the bed not sufficient?" I ask her, is she one of those girls that gets cold easily? 

"Why would I take the blankets off your bed when you need them? I can go and grab a blanket from my room to use on the couch." 

"You're not sleeping on the couch," I smile at her, "You can have my bed, I'm sleeping on the couch." She looked at me in horror, "I can't kick you out of your bed, sir!" 

"You can call me Erwin, remember? You're not kicking me out, I'm ordering you to sleep in my bed." I didn't really think about what I was saying until I said it. "That came out wrong," I say, feeling a blush coming on, "I didn't mean it as an innuendo." 

(Y/n)'s cheeks go red as she looks up at me, "No, I know, it's okay. But you know, the bed is big enough for two. I promise to keep my hands to myself." 

.... It's not her hands I'm worried about. "Is there anything you want me to get from your room for you?" I ask, hoping to change the subject. 

She looks at me seriously, "You don't have to do that, I can go." She tries to push past me, but I pick her up with ease and place her gently on my bed. "You've had a rough day, lay down." She starts to protest but I silence her with my hand, "Don't make me get Hange back in here to tie you down like one of her titan subjects." 

I remove my hand from her mouth to find her smirking, "You have a very dirty mind don't you, Erwin?" I glare at her as she laughs at my reaction. "Okay okay," she relents, "Just my toothbrush, pyjamas and another change of clothes, please." 

I nod and turn to leave my bedroom when I hear her voice again, "Try not to go through my underwear drawer." She says with a teasing smile. I turn back toward her to flick her in her forehead before finally leaving. 

This is going to be difficult... 

Your POV 

After Erwin left I finally broke down. I can't do it in front of everyone. It's exhausting pretending that I'm okay, but I don't want anyone to worry about me. 

I pulled my hair out of the tight bun I had, kind of surprised it was still mostly intact. As I run my fingers through my (h/l) (h/c) hair, I wince as my finger brushed against a bandage on my neck. When did that happen? 

I get up and walk to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I avoid looking at my puffy red (e/c) eyes and focused on the red mark around my neck where Laurie had grabbed me. Then my eyes move to where the bandage is, and I gently remove it. A purple bruise was revealed on my neck with cuts through it. I remember Laurie sucking and kissing my neck, but where did those cuts come from? 

I put the bandage back on, maybe I'll ask Erwin when he gets back. I make my way back to the bed and wrap myself up in the comfy blankets. It smells nice in here, smells like Erwin. I feel my face go red, "Stop it, (y/n)! What are you thinking?" I ask myself. 

It doesn't take long for my mind to go back to Laurie. I wonder where he is now. Maybe in the dungeons? Doesn't matter, he won't be there for long. He has a lot of important friends and ties with the king and military police. He can get out of anything. 

People in the capital know what he does, but they don't care. A lot of them profit from it too, especially the higher ups in the MPs. 

I feel so helpless. What if he starts going after my friends here now? What will happen to them? I feel myself tearing up more. Damnit, I don't usually cry. But the thought of someone else being hurt because of me effects me very deeply. 

What will happen to Erwin? What about Levi? Hange? Eren? Mike? They are the ones who are around me the most. Will he go after them? 

I hear the door to Erwin's office open and close. I didn't want him to see that I had been crying, so I pretend that I am already asleep. I hear him knock softly on the door, he pauses and then opens it. 

I hear him walk quietly to the other side of the room and places something on a chair in the corner, probably the stuff I asked him to grab from my room. 

I figured he would just leave when he dropped my stuff off, but before he exited he stopped next to his bed. I felt his fingers brush a few strands of my (h/c) out of my face. I hope he can't hear my heart beat getting faster and louder. I could hear it pounding in my ears, I held my breath, hoping it would calm down. 

Erwin leaves the bedroom and closed the door quietly as he heads into his office. I open my eyes and try to breathe as steadily as I could. What was that about? 

I lay on my side, staring at the door. How am I ever going to get to sleep? 

... 

It's been a least a few hours and sleep still eludes me. I've tried laying in different positions, but it's difficult with the stitches in my back. 

I would kill for something to read. Erwin has lots of books in his office, I'm sure he won't mind if I grab one. I light the candle next to the bed, and as quietly as I can make my way toward the bedroom door. 

Erwin is probably asleep, so I tried to be as quiet as possible. But it seems I didn't have to be, I see him laying on the couch with a candle next to him and a book in his hand. 

He looks up at me as he hears me open the door, "Good evening (y/n), what are you doing up?" He asks as he set his book down, giving me his full attention. 

"I couldn't get back to sleep, so I thought I would grab a book." I admit as I walk over toward him, "I don't think I'm going to get back to sleep, so you can take your bed back if you want." 

He shook his head, "No, that's quite alright. I end up falling asleep on his couch a lot anyway. But since you're up, I'd like to have a look at your stitches."

My face goes red, oh no, I hate the thought of him looking at the scars on my back. But I guess I hate the thought of getting an infection even more... It doesn't look like I have a choice. 

Why am I so nervous around him? Plenty of men in the capital have seen me half naked, so what makes him different?

Regardless, I nod my head and turn my back to Erwin. I pull on the shirt so it can reveal my back, but I kept it folded over my arms so I can still cover my front. 

He goes into his bedroom to get some supplies to clean my wounds if necessary. He comes back and lights another candle on the table next to where I was standing. He examines my back closely as I stand there nervously. I feel his fingers gently brush across my sensitive back, making me shiver. I know which scar he is focusing on, "Did Hange tell you about it?" I ask him in a low voice. 

"Yes," he admits as he retracts his fingers from my least favourite scar. "Charming man, isn't he?" I ask chuckle darkly. 

Erwin doesn't say anything, just goes back to checking on my stitches. I try to keep myself calm, but every time his fingers brush against my skin it makes me shiver but also makes me fell hot at the same time. It was wishful thinking, but maybe he doesn't notice... No, he definitely notices... Damnit. 

"All good," He finally says, signalling to me I can put the shirt back on. "Thank you," I say to him as I shrug my shirt back on. 

"If you're not tired, you're welcome to go through my book collection." He smiles at me, then turns to sit back on his couch. 

"Actually, I wanted to ask you, what happened to Laurie?" I ask him nervously. 

Erwin sighs and pats the open couch cushion next to him, "Sit." 

I feel myself blush a little as I take the seat next to him. "After I restrained Lawrence, I asked Mike to take him down to one of the cells underground. He's still there, so don't worry, I'm watching over you." 

"You can't keep him there," I say quietly, "He has confidants everywhere. I guarantee you will be forced to release him by tomorrow." 

Erwin studies me with his brilliant blue eyes, making me fidget a bit by how intense they were. "I figured," He replies, "I'll keep a close eye out though. And I want you to come to me if you see him around or anyone associated with him." 

"It doesn't matter," I smile sadly, "He won't let me go. He always finds a way." I stare down at my hands, "I deserve this." 

Erwin cups his hand under my chin and pulls it gently back up for me to look at him, "Don't say that." 

"I'm not this amazingly brave woman people think I'm being," I say as I stare at him with sad (e/c) eyes, "I ruined people's lives to better my own position with Laurie, we all did. And I used people for my own personal gain." 

"On some of the portraits, I'm sure you saw the name 'Peitho', correct?" I ask him, eyes still locked on his. 

"Yes," he answers, "The Greek Goddess of seduction and persuasion, yes?" 

I was surprised he knew, not many people outside of the capital know a lot of history that is not just about life within the walls. "You've read about Greek mythology?" 

"My father was a teacher," Erwin began to explain, "He had some pretty rare books in his possession. I'm unsure of how he got them, books about anything other than our history is illegal." 

"Your father sounds like an interesting man." I commented. He smiled sadly and nodded for me to continue. 

"Laurie liked to use me to recruit others. Especially for his brothels," my eyes darken as I think about that depraved place, "The people who work there have it the worst. And I used my seductive and persuasive nature to coax people into working for Laurie. I would promise them luxury and positions in some of Laurie's most prized establishments. But what they got was abused, raped and humiliated." 

I fall silent again. I never had to work in the brothel, I was too precious to Laurie and he had much higher paying and important clients for me. Usually he liked me to spy on them, or gather information. But sometimes it was just to appease those he was trying to suck up to. 

"Don't feel sorry for me, sir," I say as I see him give me a sympathetic look, "It could have been much worse for me. I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself, when there are people who had and still have it worse than me." 

"Saying you're not allowed to be sad because other people have it worse, is like saying you can't be happy because other people have it better than you." Erwin says with a sigh, "You're allowed to be upset. No one deserves the treatment you received." 

I guess I never thought of it like that, I did it all to keep myself alive, but does that make it okay? I don't think so... 

"Can I ask you a question? Not counting that though." I ask him with a small smile. 

He returns a smile, "Sure." 

"How did I get these scratches on my neck?" I say, taking the bandage off my neck. His smile disappears immediately, "You don't remember?" 

I shake my head and put the bandage back on, "I wasn't here for when it happened," Erwin started, "But Levi said you started scratching at it, probably after seeing the hickey." 

"I see," I reply, looking down at my hands again. 

"Now, may I ask you a question?" Erwin inquires.

"Yes." I say cautiously, what is this going to be about?

"Why were you so terrified when Hange mentioned giving you painkillers?" 

I freeze at his question, my scared (e/c) eyes staring into his concerned blue ones. "You don't have to tell me if it's too difficult to talk about." He reassures me when I remain silent. 

"Some of Laurie's customers are very depraved people." I speak up in a monotone voice, "Laurie wanted me to stay a virgin because either he wanted to marry me, or sell me for a very high price to another nobleman. But I still had to 'earn my keep'." 

"Laurie had some rules when it came to me for his customers, whereas with other men and women he owned, they were allowed to demand sex from them if they desired. For me, strictly speaking, they were not allowed to have sex with me, but they were allowed to do pretty much anything else they wanted..." I trail off into silence, and Erwin let's me collect my thoughts before continuing. 

"When Laurie first started renting me out, when I was 15, I was pretty 'uncooperative'. A lot of the time they would sedate me with doses of pain killers." 

I pause again, trying to force the memories of those times away, "I am used to dealing with pain, so I will always reject the use of painkillers." 

Erwin is silent, probably doesn't know what to say or how to respond. "It wasn't all bad though," I try to make him feel better, "It would have been constant if I had worked in the brothel. Plus, I got lots of fancy gifts and candy from fans." I laugh softly and punch his arm playfully, "Come on, cheer up." 

All of a sudden I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me into a tight hug. I was shocked. Definitely not expecting this to happen. 

I allowed myself to relax as I accept the embrace. He leans back on the couch, pulling me with him. My face rests on his chest, as he grabs his book off the table and started to read again. 

He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. I appreciated the silence, other than his heartbeat. It almost acted as a lullaby as I slowly fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14: A Day Off

Erwin's POV 

I listened to (y/n)'s breathing grow heavier as she drifted off to sleep. I didn't know what else I could do for her, so I just acted without thinking. I can't believe she was trying to make ME feel better after opening up about her painful past. 

Seeing the scars on her back up close was horrible. It's basically a detailed map on her abused past. I felt her shiver every time I touched her, I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing...

I sighed as I run my fingers through her (h/l) (h/c) hair, reading the same page of my book over and over again; unable to concentrate on it since my mind keeps getting distracted by other thoughts. 

Should I have hugged her? Probably not... This is getting dangerous. My mind has never been this consumed by someone before, not even years ago with Marie... 

I can feel (y/n) stir a bit in her sleep, so I tighten my hold on her and she seems to stop. 

How am I going to survive having her here? How am I going to let her go when her window is replaced? It should only be a couple days... But already I'm finding it difficult to keep my hands off of her.

I can feel myself starting to drift off to sleep. I carefully blow out the candle, being careful not to disturb (y/n), and place my book down. I pull the blanket over both of us and slowly fall asleep myself. 

Your POV 

I slowly open my eyes and wonder where I am. Why wasn't I in my bed? Where am I? Then the events of the night before started playing back in my head. Oh right, I'm in Erwin's office. 

I look down to see Erwin still fast asleep. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, his usual perfect blonde hair slightly tussled, it's adorable. It's still pretty dark out, but I decide to get up anyway. I carefully remove myself from Erwin's grasp, he stirs a little bit but remains asleep. 

I try to stretch out my aching body, but the stitches in my back cause me to hiss in pain. Showering is going to be so fun... 

I go into Erwin's bedroom and find the bag with my things in it. I grab my toothbrush and my uniform and head down to the shower room. I didn't want to use Erwin's, I don't want to wake him up. 

I make my way out of his office and close the door as quietly as I can, and make my way towards the showers. I was surprised by how soundly I slept, no bad dreams or flashbacks. The only person who has ever held me until I fell asleep was my mother and Mac. I didn't know how much I was craving just a gentle touch. Gentle touches were a rarity when it came to staying at Laurie's after all, so I became pretty prickly by nature. 

Usually my body tenses right up at any sort of physical contact, it's just psychosomatic at this point. But I was actually able to relax and fall asleep. Probably shouldn't make sleeping together, even if it is only in a platonic sense, a habit. I don't want to get attached... 

Lost in thought I didn't even notice Levi rounding the corner in front of me, and call my name. 

"Oi!" He snapped his fingers at me, "Brat! I asked you a question." I shake my head and look up at him, "Sorry sir -," "You can call me by my first name, brat." Levi 'tched' at me. 

"Sorry, Levi," I smiled while using his name and blush a little, "I wasn't paying attention, please pardon me." I try to go around him, but he blocks my path. "Where do you think you're going?" He demands while crossing his arms. 

"To the showers." I answer. 

"Has anyone checked your stitches recently?" He asked, narrowing his gaze at me. ".... No." I admit shyly. 

He grabbed my arm and led me in the opposite direction of the showers, "We're close to the hospital wing. Come on." He mumbles as he leads me. 

Levi shoves me through the door to the hospital wing. I picked one of the beds in the room and Levi pulled the curtain around it. He looks at me, tapping his foot impatiently, "Take it off." He said, looking disapprovingly at Erwin's shirt. 

I sigh and turn my back towards him and slowly lift the shirt over my head, keeping the shirt on my arms in an attempt to cover my chest. Levi startled me when he swiftly unhooked my bra to get a full view of my back. I instinctively spin around so I'm facing him, "Tch, you'd rather risk me seeing your breasts than seeing your bare back? I've already seen most of it." He sighed as I glare at him. 

"Everyone has breasts, they're not a big deal. They all look different, but they're all made up of fat, breast tissue, connective tissues, nerves, veins, blah blah blah, who cares. Scars reveal secrets and stories that I don't like to talk about." I say to him. 

He doesn't say anything, just stares at me and motions for me to turn around. I can feel his steel eyes on me, examining the fresh cuts Hange stitched up last night, but also my old scars as well. 

"Where did you get this one from?" Levi asked quietly, fingers gently brushing across my least favourite scar. My body shivers at his light touch, "What scar?" I ask innocently. 

"The one that says, 'slut'." He mumbles. I fake being surprised, "Eh? I have a scar like that?! It was Hange wasn't it?!" Levi let's out a frustrated sigh, "Can't you ever take things seriously?" 

"Everyone around here takes things too seriously," I shrug, "I'm a breath of fresh air!" 

"Whatever." Levi grumbles as he pats at my stitches, causing me to wince a little bit. "It was a welcome home present from Laurie," I explain finally, "Apparently, he didn't like the fact that I ran away and got married." 

Levi doesn't respond, just continues to un-bandage, clean and then re-bandage my wounds. 

"Alright, done." Levi finally said, signalling for me to put my shirt back on. "Thanks," I say to him gratefully. 

"And change your shirt, brat," He growled at me, "People will get the wrong idea." 

I was confused by how irritated he seemed to be at me wearing Erwin's shirt, "I'm sorry, Levi. Are you jealous? Do you want me to wear one of your's instead?" I tease him and smirk when I notice a slight blush cross his cheeks. 

"So, where are you off to now?" He asked me as I make my way to the door. "Um, shower, breakfast and then whatever chores and training you have planned for today." I answer simply. 

"Are you serious? You're not cleaning or training today, you'll be sweaty and dirty, are you stupid? Do you want an infection?" He yells at me. 

"I refuse to sit around and do nothing!" I argue back at him. "No." Levi was not budging, "You're taking the day off, infection free, go and enjoy it." Before I can argue anymore he leaves the hospital wing. 

I sigh and once again make my way towards the showers. Maybe it's a good thing to lay low for a couple days. I'm sure word got out about what happened last night, and I'm not really in the mood to explain it to people. 

I try and shower as best I can with the fresh wounds on my back, but they still stung quite a bit. At least brushing my teeth isn't painful. 

Showered and dressed in my uniform, I make my way toward Erwin's office.

Erwin's POV 

I haven't slept that soundly in a long time. A lot of the time I find myself waking up intermittently throughout the night. I don't know what it is about (y/n), but I certainly appreciate her company. 

But I think it would probably be best if while she's staying here, we don't do that again. I can't afford to get more attached to her than I already am. I should probably shower before (y/n) gets back. 

I make my way to my bathroom and quickly shower. 

What should I have her do today anyway? She can't do regular training with her injuries... 

As I was trying to figure that out, I hear her come through the door as I'm half way done changing, leaving me standing there without my shirt on. 

"Oh sorry! I should have knocked!" (Y/n) says as she covers her eyes. I smirk when I see her face go completely red. 

"It's fine, I'm almost done." I reassure her as I start buttoning up my shirt. Should I bring up last night? Does she feel awkward about it? I'm not really sure what to do under these circumstances. 

"I'm sorry about last night, I probably made you pretty uncomfortable." I hear (y/n) say, as if she had read my mind. "No, it's fine," I smile at her as I take a seat on my couch, "But it probably shouldn't happen again." 

(Y/n) looks at me with a look of horror on her face, "But I was just about to gather all my things and move in! You're mine now, Daddy." All I can do is stare at her in shock of her boldness. 

She starts laughing when she sees my reaction, "Unfreeze sir! I'm kidding! You guys really do take things too seriously, huh?" 

"What are your plans for the day?" I ask her, trying to keep my composure and keep the conversation going. I enjoy her company too much, and I wanted more of it. 

"Since Captain Levi isn't going to let me train, I was thinking of checking out the place Peter wasted my money on." She tries to sound annoyed, but I can tell she feels a little relieved. She needs someplace to call home when she is on leave, preferably not with some other man... What am I thinking? 

"So that's where I will be today, I should be back in time to make it to dinner," she says as she leans against the threshold to my bedroom. She tilts her head a little as she studies me. I have noticed she tilts her head when she is listening intently, or contemplating something, it's cute. 

She walks closer to me, making me a bit nervous. I guess I just don't really know how to react around her. When she gets close like this it's difficult to keep my composure. She reaches her hand out toward my shirt and my breath hitches. 

Then she smiles at me, triggering a weird feeling in my stomach. "You missed a button." She says, pointing to a misplaced button on my shirt. "Thanks." I return her smile as I undo my buttons in order to put all of hem in their correct place. As I unbutton my shirt I see her face go red again, and I can't help but let out a confident smirk. 

"Anyway, that is where I will be today," She continues, standing in the bedroom doorway again, "I hope you have a good day, sir." She smiles at me again, causing the weird feeling in my stomach again. 

"Erwin," I corrected her, as she starts closing the bedroom door, presumably to change into casual clothes instead of the uniform she has on. 

"I just have to change, Erwin," (y/n) said, pausing before the door was completely closed, "You're welcome to help me if you so desire, Erwin." She bites her lower lip seductively, (e/c) eyes not leaving my blue ones. 

Then she sticks out her tongue at me, causing me to grab one of the cushions on the couch and throw it at her playfully. She laughs loudly and closes the bedroom door. 

She may be joking, but for me it's far too tempting an offer. I better leave before I can't control my actions anymore. 

Your POV 

I hear Erwin's office door open and close as he leaves, probably to go to breakfast. I take a look at the clothes Erwin brought for me last night, and decide on my favourite fitted (f/c) long sleeve shirt, but not too tight to bother my stitches, and a pair of black fitted pants that cling to my curves. 

I decide to just wear my hair down, letting my (h/l) (h/c) hair dry naturally. I make my way out of Erwin's office and head to my room to pick up the key Peter gave me, along with the directions. 

When I got there the room was exactly how we left it last night. There was glass still on the floor and my blood dried into an ugly stain on the floor. My heartbeat quickens as I remember the events from last night. 

My hand reaches up to my neck to rub the spot where Laurie grabbed me. I wince as I realize how tender it still is. I try to shake the thoughts from my head, and make my way quickly over to my night table to grab the key. 

I leave my room quickly, and stand outside my door trying to catch my breath. A part of me wants to go down to the dungeons and see Laurie, but something else also tells me that he has probably already had someone bail him out. 

Plus, what would be the point in seeing him? I'm not going to get any kind of remorse from him, he will be proud of what he did. Best to avoid him as much as I can... But it won't be long before I see him again. He'll be back. 

I run my forehead, forgetting I still have a scratch form when I hit my head on the bench in the bathroom. I wince again as my hand brushes it harshly. 

I'm a fucking mess... I start laughing at myself, even though I just wanted to break down and cry again. But I won't do that; too proud to let myself feel sad and vulnerable. 

With my key in hand I ran out of the room, not bothering to close or lock it behind me. I tried to move as quickly as possible and avoid anyone who may try and come up to me. 

Author's POV 

Levi goes to sit with the rest of his squad in the Mess Hall for breakfast. Things weren't as lively as they usually were, soldiers making small talk and jokes were replaced by an uneasy feeling. 

Most of them had heard about something happening last night with you and some unknown attacker. But few knew the full story, as anyone who knew the truth was not talking about it to anyone. 

Sasha sat unusually quiet, and barely touched her breakfast which shocked everyone. 

When Levi sat down all of his squad members stared at him, waiting for him to talk about you. But he remained silent, pretending he didn't feel their eyes on him. "Well," Eren was the first to speak up, "Where is (y/n)?" Levi takes a sip of his tea, "She's taking a personal day." 

"Is she okay?" Petra asked, worry written all over her face, "She's fine." Levi replies, while shouting daggers with his eyes at Oluo. 

"So what really happened?" Eren asked Levi, trying desperately to get something out of him. "It's my fault, isn't it?" Oluo says quietly, not looking up at anybody. 

Levi just sits quietly, not trusting himself to speak to Oluo. The group remains quiet for a few moments. The rest of the soldiers looked over at them occasionally, to see if they can listen in on any conversations. Eager for more details about what happened. 

Without finishing his breakfast, Oluo stood up from his seat and rushed out of the Mess Hall. He made his way towards the dungeon, he wanted to confirm what he already feared. He needed to see the person who caused so much damage because of him. 

He burst through the door, startling Mike awake from his sleep in a chair by the door, "Oluo, what are you doing?" Mike asked him irritably. 

"Oluo," A man from inside one of the cells said, "I recognize that name." Oluo looks at the man in the cell. The man stood up, shoulder length silvery blonde hair falling gracefully around his face; amber eyes examining Oluo. 

"Antheia told me about you," the man said to Oluo in his silky smooth voice, "I'm Lawrence." He greets Oluo, stretching out a hand between the bars for Oluo to shake. 

Oluo just stared at him. It was what he had feared. "Thank you for reuniting my Peitho and I." Lawrence says sweetly to him, "I've missed her so much, I just couldn't control myself." 

Lawrence lowers his hand when Oluo shows no interest in shaking it, "I appreciate what you did for me, please allow me to pay you back." Lawrence says as he reaches into his pocket and grabs a generous sack of coins. 

He offers it to Oluo, but he refuses to take it. Lawrence sighs, "Well, you like Antheia, correct? How about a night with her?" He smiles widely at Oluo, "Even my best paying patrons only get at most a couple hours with one of my little pets. So I hope that shows you how appreciative I am of you." 

Without saying anything, Oluo rushes out of the dungeons, "Stop by my lounge anytime!" He hears Lawrence shout after him. 

As Oluo rushes out of the dungeons, he feels reality crash in on him. It wasn't meant to go like this. He only meant to embarrass you the same way he felt embarrassed by always being bested by you. But he never thought something like this would happen, and he felt horrible. 

He looks up to see you running toward the stables. "(Y/n)!" He tried yelling after you, but you either didn't hear him or you were ignoring him. He wouldn't blame you if it were the latter. 

But you were alone, and he was worried for you. So he decided to follow you. He followed you as you hurriedly saddle up a horse and take off down the road. He didn't really have time to fully saddle up a horse, so he reluctantly hopped on one bare back and set off after you.


	15. Chapter 15: Memories

Your POV

I know this area, Mac and I lived just a few blocks down the road from this house. This area is full of houses that look exactly the same, so I found it a little unnerving. 

I tie my horse up and make my way up to the door. I breathe deeply before putting the key in and slowly turning it. I open the door and I’m in the living room...

(Flashback)

“I’m sorry it’s not much, I know you’re used to living in a big fancy mansion.” Malcolm said as he came up behind me. “Are you kidding?” I laughed, “This is perfect, I love it!” 

I give him a hug which he tentatively returns, probably still a little unsure of how to act around me. Going from good friends to being married just like that is a little weird. But I’ve been in love with him for a long time, so this is a dream come true for me. But I’m still not sure if Mac feels the same, or if he is just trying to help out a friend by getting me away from Laurie. 

(End of flashback)

I shake my head as the flashback plays through my head. Peter wouldn’t have known I lived in this area before with Mac... This may get weird 

It looks like it came partially furnished, but I did recognize some of the tables and chairs as belonging to Peter and some from Ellen. They are too good to me. 

I walk into the kitchen. It also has the exact same layout as the one I shared with Mac... 

(Flashback)

“The neighbours keep stopping by and are disappointed when it’s me answering the door instead of you.” Mac laughs as he reads the paper at the kitchen table, while I finish washing dishes in the kitchen. 

“I’ve asked them to come by when you’re not around, there is nothing worse than my masters coming here while my husband is home. But I guess this is a good a time as any to tell you... I’m having multiple affairs.” I joke, expecting to hear his laugh again, but he falls silent. 

I pause from doing the dishes. I make my way over to the table to sit down next to him, “I’m joking, Malcolm.” I reassure him with a smile, placing my hand on his arm. 

“It’s okay if you do.” He replied quietly, causing me to frown and pull away from him. “What do you mean?” I ask him, matching his quiet tone. 

He puts his paper down and runs his fingers through his short brow hair, avoiding my gaze, “I know I’m probably not exactly the person you had in mind when you got married. But I just wanted to help you and keep you safe. You don’t deserve to receive the treatment you endured at that place. So, if you find someone else, it’s okay, I’ll support you no matter what. You won’t be sent to the underground.” 

I smack him hard on his cheek, and he finally raises his brown eyes to meet my (e/c) ones. I lean out of my chair farther and pressed my lips against his. He is shocked by my reaction to his words, and doesn’t seem to know what to do. 

I break away from his lips and start yelling, “How can you be so blind, Malcolm?! How have you never been able to tell that I’ve been in love with you since I was like 8! There is no one but you to me!” He stares at me, shocked by my admission. 

I’m about to yell at him more when he lifts me from my chair and kisses me. It left me feeling breathless as I welcomed his tongue when he bit my lower lip. Our tongues locked in a battle for domination. He won in the end, and I let him take control. 

We broke apart for air, breathing heavily from the aftermath of our more passionate kiss. “I never thought you could actually feel that way about me, I’m sorry I didn’t realize. I love you too.” 

I hugged him tightly as I feel tears pooling in my eyes. I’ve never felt so happy. 

(End of flashback) 

My fingers grasp one of the chairs to steady myself as that memory slowly fades away, and I return to reality. That was the happiest day I can remember. When Mac confessed that he loved me too, I had hope. I actually wanted to make plans, and looked forward to the future for once.

Letting go of the chair, I look up at the front door that I came in from, and I can feel another memory rushing forward. 

(Flashback)

There was a knock at the door, and I asked Mac to open it. “Yes wife,” He teases me as he makes his way over to the door, and greet whoever is on the other side. 

“Hello sister defiler,” I hear Ben’s voice say to Mac as he walked into the house, “And hello defiled sister!” He says to me when he sees me standing by the table. He hasn’t been the biggest fan of our marriage, mainly because Mac is his closest friend, and hates the thought of him being with his youngest sister. Little does he know I haven’t been “defiled’. We have come close a few times, but something always stops me. I want to make love to him, but I feel like something his holding me back. 

“And you wonder why we never invite you over, Ben.” I say to him as Beth walks in and smacks the back of his head. 

“Hey, I didn’t mind when I found out you were sleeping with Andrea, who happens to be my best friend, Benjamin. Not to mention her being a friend of (y/n)’s as well.” Katrina laughed as she followed after Beth. 

I was surprised to see Kat, she’s been so busy recently. I rushed over and wrap my arms around her, “You’re here!” 

“Yes,” Katrina laughed as she patted my head gently, “I’ve missed you, little one.” I break away from the hug to frown up at her, “I’ve asked you to stop calling me that.” I say to her. “And I didn’t listen.” She smiles down at me and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead. 

I smile at her again, “So tell me, how have you been? What have you been up to?” I ask her as I offer to take her coat. 

“I’ve been well,” she replies as she shrugs off her coat and hands it to me, “Actually, I’ve started dating Helios.” I stiffen when she mentions Conrad’s work name. What is he up to? Why would he start dating Kat? This doesn’t sound good... He only dates people Laurie tells him to... What’s his angle? 

“You know, you should call him by his real name if you two are dating.” I scold her nervously. She frowns at me, “Fine, Conrad and I are dating. What’s with that face?” Kat crosses her arms and waits for me to answer. 

“Just,” I pause, not wanting to piss her off, “Be careful around him, he doesn’t always have the best intentions. I don’t want you getting hurt.” 

“Aren’t you sweet,” Kat says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes at me, “Don’t he jealous (y/n).” I don’t say anything else about it. Conrad has tried seducing me in the past, but I’ve never wanted anything to do with him. And now he is with my oldest sister... What’s going on here? 

(End of flashback)

I’m standing in front of the closet door, where I hung up Katrina’s coat in my memory. This is getting annoying... But I guess I was right about Conrad having bad intentions. 

I shake my head, hoping that it would actually help in repressing the onslaught of memories that have been rushing back when I walked through the door. It isn’t even the same house, stop it. 

As I’m walking away from the front door again, I hear a knock on the door again. I freeze. I have a bad feeling about this, but I can’t put my finger on it. I can just feel something is wrong. 

(Flashback)

I open the door and my stomach drops when I see two soldiers on my doorstep. No. It can’t be. 

“Good evening ma’am, is this the residence of Malcolm Meyer?” The solider with short brown hair and dark circles around his eyes, asked me. 

My throat goes dry, “Yes,” I say weakly, “He’s my husband.” 

“I’m Commander Keith Shadis,” Said the man, “May I speak to you for a moment?” 

“Did he suffer?” I ask him, looking down at the ground. I can feel his eyes on me, “No ma’am, it was quick.”

I nod at his response, “Do you have his body?” I ask Shadis, trying to keep my voice calm. 

“No ma’am.” Shadis admitted. I breathe deeply before responding, “Thank you for coming to tell me, sir. It can’t be an easy job for you.” 

I can feel his worried gaze, “Ma’am, so you need me to go get someone to be with you? Do you need to go to the hospital?” 

I shake my head at him, “I don’t need anything. I  
Just need Mac.” My voice starts to break. Shadis goes to pat my shoulder, to offer me some sort of comfort, but I backed away quickly. 

“But he’s gone, and I’m here. I’m okay, it’s just... hard to accept,” I say more to myself than to the men at the door, “Thank you again for telling me, goodbye.” I say to them before closing the door on them. As soon as the door was shut I collapse on the floor and held myself in a fetal position, giving into despair. 

(End of flashback) 

“(Y/n),” I feel someone shake me. My eyes snap open to see Oluo on his knees, trying to get me to calm down. When I realize I’m back in reality, I push him away and compose myself. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” I glare at him as he slowly stands up. “I followed you,” he answered, closing the front door behind him. 

“So you’re stalking me now? Trying to dig up some more dirt? Well there you go, add delusions to your list of flaws for me.” 

He gives me a concerned look and shakes his head, “I followed you because I saw you leave by yourself. You shouldn’t be heading out of HQ by yourself, under the circumstances.” 

“The circumstances that are only there because of your actions.” I snap back at him. He looks at me sadly, “Be mad at me all you want, I’m not leaving you by yourself. Why don’t you go lie down, you don’t look well?” 

“Why don’t you mind your own business?” I snarl at him, getting angrier by the second. Or maybe it was more embarrassment on my part, Oluo of all people finding me while I’m re-living one of my most painful memories. 

“Sure thing,” he says as he sits at the table, “I’ll be right here minding my own business.” I glare at him, but head up the stairs to where I know the bedroom will be. 

There was already a bed there, it was the bed I slept in when I was at Peter’s. There was a note on the middle of the bed, attached to my official citizenship papers. 

‘Congrats, you’ve gone from a miserable person from the underground, to a miserable person above ground like the rest of us. 

Cheers!   
Peter’

I smile at the note from Peter. He’s going to go mental when he hears about what happened last night with Laurie. I’m not looking forward to talking to him about it. 

I lay down on the bed and close my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose. When I open my eyes, I’m not in my bedroom anymore, I’m in a hospital bed.

(Flashback) 

I’m breathing heavily, even though my broken ribs scream for me to stop. I’m shaking uncontrollably, scared at who may come through the door. 

I hear the door to my hospital room open, I scream and cover my head with my hands, “(y/n)! It’s okay it’s me!” I look up and relief washes over me as I see Katrina walk into the room. 

“Kat,” I cry, reaching out to her. She was taken aback by my reaction. She has never seen me so upset and unnerved before, even when Mac died I was able to control myself in front of other people, but not this time. 

“Oh my god, (y/n), what happened?” She’s giving me a worried look as she studies my face, not wanting to look at the rest of my abused body. 

“It’s Andrea! They came for her, they’re going to kill her! We have to do something before-“ I try to explain when Katrina interrupts me with a confused look, “Wait, who’s Andrea?” She asks. 

Who’s Andrea? She’s only her closest friend since they were toddlers! How does she not remember who Andrea is? Oh no... so it is true... I thought it was just a rumour... They really can erase a person from someone’s memories. 

I start panicking and hyperventilating. Katrina starts rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. But my broken ribs do not like that, causing me to become even more panicked. 

“Kat please! You have to stop him! You have to stop Laurie, please!” I grab her hands hard enough to make her wince, begging her, “You have so much influence on the paper. People will listen to you, please! If this keeps up I won’t survive! Please Kat, please!” 

“Okay,” Katrina said calmly, trying to release my iron grip on her, “I’ll see what I can do okay? I won’t let them hurt you.” She wraps her arms carefully around me and rocks me gently until I calm down. 

(End of flashback) 

“(Y/n),” my eyes snap open to see Oluo again, staring at me with a look of concern. 

I was curled up on my bed, knees hugged to my face. I unwrap myself and sit quietly on my bed, not looking up or otherwise reacting to Oluo’s presence. 

Oluo sighs and sits next to me. I tense up at his presence, but I don’t reject it. 

“I know I’m the last person you want here with you when you’re clearly going through a tough time, but you can talk to me.” He says quietly. 

“Survey says, not a good idea.” I say smirking at him, trying to go back to my usual stoic self, but failing. 

“What is it about being here that is making you so panicky?” He asks me. 

I stayed silent for a moment. Why do I feel like opening up to him? Laurie found me because of him, I should hate him, right? 

“My husband and I lived not far from here,” I mumble, barely loud enough for him to hear me, “Our house was exactly like this one, same layout and everything. It just brought back memories I suppose, good and bad.” 

Oluo stays silent and waits to see if I want to continue. I can feel burning behind my eyes as tears build up, demanding to be released, but I wouldn’t let them.

“It’s just, I had it all planned out you know?” I continue, surprising Oluo, “I didn’t make plans before I married Mac, I honestly didn’t expect to live that long. But when I was with him, we made so many plans. I was going to be a stay at home mom, and he was going to help save the world against titans. We were going to grow old and embarrass our children together. We would retire and buy a big farm somewhere away from everyone else. Maybe even outside the wall one day. But then he died, and reality set in.” I finish, looking down at my hands. 

“Odd, I didn’t peg you as someone who would settle for that kind of life.” Oluo says. I just shrug in response. 

“Plans almost never work out the way you want them to,” Oluo started, now also looking down, deep in thought, “This wasn’t the life I planned for myself either. I was an only child, you know?” 

“You don’t say.” I respond sarcastically, I think anyone who knew Oluo could guess he was an only child. 

“Shut up,” he smirked and continued, “I planned on taking over my father’s business when he retired and I became of age. That’s what I wanted at the time. I was even in a relationship at the time. I was ready to take on all the responsibilities that were expected of me. But then one of my best friends died fighting the titans.” I look up at him as he pauses, my features softening a little. 

“I told him not to join the scouts,” He continues with a heavy sigh, “But he thought he was invincible. I knew that about him when we were growing up, we always competed with each other. He was like a brother to me.” He started smiling, reflecting on the memories he had with his friend. 

“When he died, everything changed for me. I didn’t want to be the person my parents wanted me to be anymore. I wanted to live for him, and I made his goals my goals. When I said I was joining the scouts, my parents were disappointed and the girl I was with didn’t want to be with a solider. People in the scouts don’t have a very high chance of survival, and she couldn’t handle that.” His smile fades and he looks at me. 

“You remind me of him, you know?” Oluo laughs at the face I make, “He was just as talented and motivated as you are. He was better than me at everything and he didn’t let me forget it. But it’s also that attitude that got him killed.” He gives me a serious look. “I think that’s why I felt I had to knock you down a few pegs, Maybe humbling you would mean you wouldn’t be as reckless out in the field.” 

“My point is,” He sighs, “We can plan all we want, but reality always has a way of smacking us back down. But that doesn’t mean we give up, so what’s the plan now, (y/n)? Since the whole apple pie house wife thing didn’t workout. Something better than a relaxing docile life?” 

“I just don’t know if anything can be better than what I had.” I answer honestly. 

“It won’t feel that way forever,” Oluo puts his hand on my shoulder, “You just have to find out who you are now. You didn’t really feel the pain of the loss you experienced, because you have been too busy running away and hiding from Lawrence and his people. Now that they know where you are, you’re less worried about it, and can now really feel the pain that has been numb up until this point.” 

I give him a surprised look, “Are you really Oluo?” I start pulling on his hair as if he were wearing a mask. “Quit it.” He mumbles as he slaps my hands away. 

“So, you’re not Lawrence’s property anymore, you’re not a wife anymore, you’re not (y/n/n) who hides her identity with a hood, and you’re not someone who is heading behind Dr. Thompson. Who are you (y/n)? Who do you want to be?” I blink slowly at him, he continues to surprise me. 

Truth is I never really thought about it. Wherever I was, I just made myself into whoever I needed to be under the circumstances. Whether that was sneaky seductress, a spy, a loving wife, a strong shoulder to cry on... But who am I outside of all that? What do I do now? I want to know the truth about the titans and the outside world, but is that all? 

I smile at Oluo, which seems to catch him off guard, “Thank you, Oluo. But you still have to beat me at something if you want me to forgive you. Life coaching doesn’t count.” 

He laughs, “Alright, how about a drinking contest? Usually a couple days before a big expedition outside the walls, we like to go out and have a little fun at one of the bars in town. Whoever pukes or passed out first loses.” 

I consider his challenge and accept, “Alright, Oluo, but don’t let my size fool you, I can hold my liquor. So you better bring you’re a game.” 

“Yeah, whatever brat.” He held out his hand for me, “Come on, let’s head back to HQ.” 

I roll my eyes but I accept and head back downstairs with him. I take one last look around my house, not knowing when I would be back. I sigh contently as Oluo and I head out. I lock the door behind me and turn my head over to my horse. I see the horse that is tied up next to mind, which must be Oluo’s, and notice it doesn’t have a saddle. 

I start laughing which startles Oluo and he whips around to see what I am laughing at, “What?” 

“You didn’t put a saddle on the horse? Your balls must be really sore.” I laugh even harder at the face he makes. 

“Shut up! I didn’t have time to, I wouldn’t have known where you had gone if I stopped to saddle up. And yeah, they are sore, so can we please stop talking about it and get going?” He huffs as he makes his way over to his horse. 

I roll my eyes at him, “Take my horse, it will be more comfortable for you.” 

Oluo looks at me and smirks as he makes his way over to my horse, “You’re right, I’d rather your balls be sore instead of mine.” 

“Oh, he’s got jokes now?” I return his smirk as I go up on his horse while he mounts mine, “Don’t be jealous because they’re bigger than your’s.” 

We ride in silence for awhile, not an awkward one, it was comfortable silence. But then, of course, Oluo has to ruin it. 

“When you were in your bedroom, what were you screaming about?” 

I turn to give him a surprised look, “Wow, we had our first amicable interaction and now you think you can ask me all the personal questions?” I tsked him. 

“It’s just, I thought I heard the name Katrina, and it reminded me of an article the girl at the lounge gave to me.” He responded. 

I tense up at her name, “I thought someone might have shown it to you.” I sigh quietly, turning my back to him. 

“She’s my oldest sister. You may have caught a glimpse of her as we were leaving Peter’s office in Stohess.” I explain to him as he urges his horse a little faster so he can ride next to me. 

“Your sister wrote that article about you?!” He yelled even though I was right next to him. 

“She wrote it after a particularly bad beating I endured, along with another girl, from Laurie,” I started to explain, “Katrina visited me in the hospital, and I begged for her to expose Laurie for who he really is. The other girl got the worst of the beatings, Andrea, was a close friend of my sisters. But her existence was erased from her memories. I am the only one who remembers who she was. I’m guessing so Laurie can make sure I know what he is capable of.” 

“After I begged for Katrina’s help, she agreed. She is one of the main editors for the newspaper in Sina. But she printed lies about me instead,” I growled at the memory of that article, “She said I was trying to spread lies about Laurie. That I was just another drunk slut who was glad her husband died so I could go back to my ‘whorish’ ways.” 

Oluo remains silent, shocked that a family member would do something like that. 

“She was dating a man I used to work with. She had been obsessed with him for years, I’m sure he helped with the article too.” I didn’t realize that my hands were balling up into fists, until my horse shook his head uncomfortably at the added pressure I put on the bit. I loosen the reins immediately and pat his neck as an apology. 

“I’m sorry,” Oluo says, trying to meet my eyes. “Don’t be,” I mutter, “I’m glad I found out who she really is.” 

Thankfully, the rest of the trip to HQ was quiet.


	16. Chapter 16: Guilt

Levi's POV 

All these meetings are getting annoying. I think we all get it at this point. Look out for anyone else who may be a Titan shifter and don't tell anyone. 

I hope (y/n) is doing okay, maybe I should have gone with her... I also haven't seen Oluo all day, what the fuck is he up to now? He's starting to become more trouble than he is worth on my squad. 

"Oh! I forgot to ask! Erwin, how did last night go with (y/n)?" Hange asked Erwin after our meeting had concluded. 

I perked up when I heard (y/n)'s name. I haven't had a chance to ask him about that yet. 

To my surprise, Erwin seemed to lose his composure for a second. He froze up and his eyes went wide. I narrow my eyes at him, what is he hiding? 

"Fine, it went fine, Hange." Erwin answers quickly before clearing his throat, no doubt getting ready to change the subject. But there was a knock at his office door. 

"Come in!" Hange called to the person on the other side. 

The door opens to reveal Nile Dok on the other side. "What the hell are you doing here?" I growl at him, giving him a disapproving look. 

"Nice to see you too, Levi," Nile replied curtly before addressing Erwin, "I've come for Lawrence Pearson." 

Erwin stares up at him from his seat, "Mr. Pearson attacked one of my cadets last night, he's not going anywhere." 

"Yes he is," Nile replied, handing Erwin a rolled up letter, "He has a royal pardon. So you will release him by order of the king." 

Erwin glares at the Commander of the Military Police, but opens up the letter and reads it. 

After Erwin finishes silently reading the letter, to my amusement, he holds it up to the candle that is lit on his desk, watching the letter as it slowly burned out of existence. 

"Erwin, don't get yourself involved." Nile sighed at him. "But it does involve me," Erwin rebutted, "She's one of my cadets." 

"... How is she?" Nile asked quietly. 

Erwin gave Nile a shocked and suspicious expression. "Why do you care?" I snarl at him, getting more and more irritated by his presence. 

"She did used to live in the capital, you know. We've met on more than one occasional." Nile replies, glaring at me. 

"If you're so worried about her, maybe you should do your job and punish the people who have wronged her, and others like her." Hange added. I'm surprised it took her this long to chime in. 

"I can't, or I would have." Nile said as he shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, "Anyway, I'm here to get Lawrence, not argue with all of you. I merely came as a courtesy to let you know I'm releasing him." Before any of us say anything else, he turned on his heels and left Erwin's office. 

"Tch, useless pricks." I mutter, not really being a fan of the MPs. Hange and Erwin nod in agreement. 

Then there was yet another knock at the door, "Oh for fuck sakes." I groan as I stomp toward the door to tell whoever was behind it off, but when I open the door, it was an amused (y/n) standing there. 

"Bad day?" She asks, trying to conceal a smile. I narrow my eyes at her, but I am relieved to see she seems to be in good spirits. Then I notice Oluo is standing there too, and immediately feel even more annoyed, "Where the hell have you been?" 

"Uh..." Oluo starts, but (y/n) interrupts him, "He was busy stalking me and-" Oluo puts his hand over her mouth to stop her from going on. Anger flashed in me and I grabbed Oluo and press him against the wall, "Don't touch her." I growl at him. 

(Y/n) laughed, "It's okay sir, he actually helped me out a bit, please don't let me get in between you 2."

"So what are you doing here?" I ask her as I push Oluo away from me. "I was going to ask Hange to examine me." She replied, stepping into the office to wave at Hange. 

"No, go to Dr. Thompson," I shake my head at her, and her smile fades once I mention Thompson, "As he is a licensed medical professional, plus he has been looking for you all day. Seems to be under the impression you may try to avoid him today." 

(Y/n) stays silent and looks at me nervously, "Sure! I'll go right now." She finally days and turns to leave when I grab her by the shoulder, "Oh no, I'm going with you to make sure you actually go." 

Her shoulders sag when she realizes her plan of escape wasn't going to work. "See you." I wave briefly at Erwin before leaving with (y/n). "You," I say to Oluo as I start walking with (y/n), "Stables. Clean them, now." He nods and sets off toward the stables. 

"So, how was the trip to your place?" I ask her casually. She doesn't answer me right away, the topic seems to be making her uncomfortable. 

"It was fine, it just brought back a lot of memories. It's not far from where I used to live with Malcolm. The layout is exactly the same too. So it triggered the memories I guess..." She trailed off, seemingly lost in thought. 

"Kind of weird isn't it?" (Y/n) says out of no where. "What do you mean?" I ask her. "Memories, the things you can't seem to quite remember, and then the things you can never forget." 

She smiles sadly and looks at me. It is true I suppose, the memory that always sticks with me no matter what is definitely the moment I lost Isobel and Farlan. But I find it hard to remember most of the better times we had in the underground. 

(Y/n) places her hand on my shoulder, making me jump a little. I definitely wasn't expecting that from her. I haven't seen her try to comfort anyone, she seems pretty prickly by nature, not really the nurturing type. 

"If you wanted someone to go with you, you should have asked me, why Oluo?" I ask her, annoyed that Oluo was alone with her. 

"He followed me without my knowledge," she waves off my question, "Anyway, what was Nile doing here? I saw him walking away from Commander Erwin's office." 

"So you do know him." I say quietly. 

"Yeah, he requested me a few times, MPs get special deals. Whoa!" She suddenly yelled when she saw how angry I got, "No, it wasn't what you think!" 

She walked in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders, blocking my way forward. "He and his wife, Marie, came to a few of my shows when I would work at the theatre. I met them both there. Sometimes he would request me, but he would just ask me to babysit for him. He was really kind to me, Marie too especially! People don't request me to babysit, but when I went back to Laurie after Mac died, I couldn't do theatre anymore. I just didn't have it in me anymore, to dance and to sing with heart when I didn't have it anymore. Nile noticed I was not doing well, so he would spend a lot of money just to rent me to babysit, so I could get away from the other awful patrons and Laurie even if it was only for a little while." 

She lets go of my shoulders, "Not everyone is corrupt in the military police, there are some good guys too. Nile is one of those people." 

I narrow my eyes at her, but decide against arguing with her. So we just continue to Dr. Thompson's office in silence. 

When we got to his office, his door was already opened, so (y/n) took a quick peak in his office. I wanted to wait until she walked into the office before I leave, I won't let her run away. She stiffened and walked back over to me quietly, "Please don't make me go in there." 

"You're a big girl, you can handle seeing the doctor." I say, smirking at her. 

"Peter, yes. But his ex-wife is in there too. I can't handle both of them fussing over me at once." She replies. 

"(Y/n)! Just go in!" I shouted loud enough for Dr. Thompson to hear me. 

(Y/n) glares at me as we hear 2 people come rushing out of the office. Thompson was one of them, and the other was a woman with short blonde hair and green eyes. 

"Have fun." I say to her as I push her toward them. 

"I'll get you for this, Levi Ackerman." She growls at me as Thompson pulls her into his office, along with the blonde woman. 

Your POV 

Dealing with Peter and Ellen together was a lot. I knew they would be sick with worry when they heard about what happened. But I didn't expect them to freak out as much as they did. 

Ellen wanted so badly to go down to the dungeons and kick Laurie's ass, but that would just draw attention to the fact that her and I are well acquainted. Which would in turn hint at a more personal relationship between Peter and I. 

I guess that's the thing that worries me the most, Laurie finding out that Peter has been the one helping me. It's even more dangerous now that he knows I'm in the scouts. It may not be too long until he makes that connection, since Peter is a doctor for him still as well as to the scouts. 

Maybe I'm giving Laurie too much credit, he isn't as smart as he thinks he is. But he is still pretty cunning. 

Exhausted from being poked and prodded by Peter, and answering all of his questions about what happened, I slowly make my way to Erwin's office. Hopefully my window gets fixed soon, I don't want to impose on him for too long. 

When I reach his office door I knock politely to see if he is already there. I listen closely and didn't hear anything, so I opened the door and let myself in. 

I was surprised to see him passed out on the couch. I make sure I close the door quietly, and make my way over to him. He looks so adorable in his sleep, especially his slightly messy hair. 

He must have fallen asleep while reading, he had a book lying open on his chest. It looked like it was starting to slide off his chest, so I carefully took it off him and put it on the table. 

As I blow out the candle next to him, I can hear him stirring in his sleep a little bit. I grab the blanket that is draped over the back of the couch and cover him with it. Before I walk into the bedroom I can hear him moan in his sleep, "(y/n)..." my face going completely red when I hear that. It was so clear for a second I thought he had woken up, but he was still sound asleep, moaning my name...

I close the bedroom door gently behind me, face still heating up. Usually I'm disgusted by any man who moaned my name like that in the past, but I felt different this time. Could I be slightly turned on? 

I try and shake the thoughts from my head, but they keep coming anyway. Oh man, how much longer can I take this? 

I quickly change and hop onto the bed. It doesn't help that the bed smells like him. I expected to fall asleep right away, but my mind is racing and sleep is just out of my grasp. This may be a long night. 

(Dream)

As we are waiting for the man who rented us, I turn to Andrea, hoping to talk to her before he gets here. "Andrea," I say, getting her attention, "I need you to distract him for me, so I can make a quick run to the library." 

She looks at me with wide blue eyes and ran her fingers nervously through her long auburn hair, "(y/n), no. You'll get us both in trouble." 

"Please please please please Andrea, I'm close to knowing more about the mysteries outside the little world we live in!" I plead with her, "I'll be quick I promise!" 

"(Y/n), all this theorizing and sneaking around isn't going to help you. Even if you do find what you're looking for, so what? Nothing is ever going to change." She replies to me sternly. 

"Did Kat tell you to say that?" I ask her suspiciously. "She's just worried about you, (y/n)." 

"Andrea, I don't sleep, I don't eat I don't do anything other than think about this. I need Mac's death to mean something, that he wasn't just fighting a pointless war, that he was apart of something bigger." 

She looks at me nervously, I feel bad putting her in this position, but I know this customer has very interesting information. Last time I was here be let me look through some of his library, but I was stopped by him when I tried looking around a little farther. 

"No one can say 'no' to you, can they?" Andrea sighs at me, finally relenting to my shameless begging. 

"Thank you!" I kiss her cheek, once he is done with me, try to stall him for as long as you can, okay?" 

"I can give you 20 minutes at the most, okay?" She replied, "Not a second longer." 

I nod just as our customer comes out to invite us in, "I'm sorry that took me so long, but as always it is great to see you Peitho and Eleos." He greets us with a smile. 

"Good evening, Lord Reiss," We greeted him with sweet smiles, "How can we please you?" 

The short chubby man looks at us like a starved animal, before gesturing toward Andrea first. "Eleos, if you would please come with me first. Peitho, wait patiently like a good little pet, I'll be with you soon." I smile at him as I sit back down on the couch, "As you wish, Lord Reiss." 

Andrea gives me a nervous look as she allows Reiss to guide her into the room. As soon as the door shuts, I stand up and make my way over toward the library. I've been to his estate enough times to know where I am going. 

It's a good thing it's not too far from where I was sitting, otherwise I would be more concerned with people seeing me. 

I reach the library and slowly open the door. Excellent, it's empty. I make my way over to the books I was denied access to last time. 

But when I get there, none of the books have any titles on them. Without me consciously doing so, I automatically reach for one of the books. 

I feel myself smile, but why? I only see a blank book in front of me. But I can feel myself smile in excitement at the contents of the book. Why? What is printed on these pages? Whatever it is, I feel like it's something I've been searching for. 

I gasp when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I'm turned around forcefully and come face to face with one of Reiss' guards, "What the hell are you doing here?" Oh shit, I'm screwed. 

I blink and my surroundings change. Andrea and I are chained up in one of Laurie's dungeons. How long have we been down here? Hours? Days? Months? I can't tell. 

"Andrea," I try to call to her, but I can only manage a whisper, throat too dry from dehydration, "I'm sorry." As if Sorry would make up for this, she is doing worse than I am. 

The door opens and Laurie walks in. He makes his way over to me first. He picks me up by my neck as much as my chains would let him, and be slams me against the stone wall. 

"You are far too curious for your own good, (y/n)." He spat at me, he used my real name, I'm in big trouble. 

"Do whatever you want to me," I smile at him, making his anger rise 10 times over, "I read some interesting things, you can't get ride of that." I spat the blood pooling in my mouth out at him. 

I figured he would slam my head against the wall again and knock me out, but he didn't. He dropped me and then made his way over to Andrea. "Doing whatever I want to you won't get my point across, Peitbo." He sneered at me as he grabbed Andrea's auburn hair, "I'll do it to your co-conspirator Eleos instead." 

"No!" I cry, please not her. It's all my fault she's in this position. I look away, but he calls someone else into the dungeon. Someone from the military police stepped into the room, "Make sure she doesn't look away," Laurie commanded the man, "If she tries to close her eyes, pry them open." 

The man nods and makes his way over to me. I try to fight against him, but it's useless, I have no energy left. All I can do is scream as I helplessly watch Andrea take the full force of Laurie's anger. 

(End of dream)

My eyes snap open as I feel someone gently shake me awake. I jerk up into a sitting position and clutch at my head with my trembling hands. It was me, I'm the reason Andrea died. I'm the reason her existence was erased. How could I have forgotten that? 

"It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's all my fault!" I repeat to myself over and over again, "She's dead because of me." 

"(Y/n)," A voice said, and I recognize it right away as the deep voice belonging to Erwin, "You were just having a nightmare." He sits on the bed in front of me and grabs my arms that are trying to cover my face. He pulls them down gently and rubs his thumbs in slow circles, trying to calm me down. 

"It wasn't though, it was a memory," I groan, raising my head to look up at him, "It's been happening more and more recently. But this time it was a memory I didn't know I had, I didn't remember this." 

"What happened?" He asked me gently, concerned blue eyes looking into my panicked (e/c) ones. 

"I asked a friend that I worked with to distract a client so I could sneak into his library, and look at some books that I wasn't allowed to," I explain, finding some comfort in Erwin's presence, "I knew we could both get in a lot of trouble. But I was curious and couldn't help myself. And of course I got caught." Ashamed I broke eye contact with Erwin to look down at my lap. 

"Laurie locked us up and we were tortured. But Andrea got it worse because he knew the only way he could truly hurt me is to hurt someone else I care for. Andrea's existence was erased, she was killed, and it's all because on me. I didn't come to find out the memories people had of her were erased, until my oldest sister Katrina visited me in the hospital. When I mentioned Andrea to Katrina, she had no idea who I was talking about. Do you want to know something else? I don't even remember what I read in that book. I sacrificed her for nothing." 

Erwin lets go of my arms and sighed, "Even if that's true, you have to push on, you don't have any other choices. You don't get to quit now." 

I look up at him and be brushes some hair out of my face, "I know what it's like to sacrifice people for little to no reason." 

"What are you talking about?" I ask him, giving him a confused look. He chuckles a bit, "I don't know if you're aware you do this, but sometimes when you ask questions or if you're listening intently you tilt your head to the right slightly. It just reminds me of when you ask a dog if they want to go for a walk." 

I scrunch up my face and give him a playful punch, still waiting for him to continue on his previous statement. 

"I wanted to become Commander because, yes I do want to save humanity. But my primary reason is for information. Information as to why my father was killed. To learn the secrets that they have wanted to keep hidden. It's my reason for surviving. Secondary to that would be the survival of mankind. I sacrifice lives by the hundreds, without giving it a second thought." This time he looks down as he continues, "Have you met a more selfish person than I?" 

I take a moment and consider his confession. He may do a good job at hiding it, but I know he isn't that selfish. Sure, he has his own personal agenda, but that's not all he is fighting for. 

"I don't think that's true," I say as I lift up his face to look at me again, "A truly selfish person wouldn't feel guilty about his actions. The people who fight and die for you do so because they believe in you, they want to follow you. I've heard some of your speeches, you know how to inspire. Maybe you consider it to be manipulative, but it doesn't come off as that to me. I manipulated a lot of people in my time working for Laurie, I know what manipulation looks like." 

He stares at me silently with an unreadable expression, so I continue on, "People are drawn to your passion and your ability to plan from A all the way to Z. Plus, weren't you the one who came up with the long distance scouting formation? Someone who doesn't care if they lose lives wouldn't bother to come up with something like that. Sure, one of your ultimate goals is finding the truth, but that doesn't stop you from being effected by the deaths around you. You should give yourself for credit."

"You're doing it again." Erwin said, looking at me quietly, "Doing what?" I give him a puzzled look. 

"Trying to make me feel better when you're the one in pain." He replied with a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. 

"You started it." I pout childishly, causing him to let out a light chuckle. "You should take some of your own advice then, (y/n). You're not a bad person either, try and remember that." 

We exchange smiles before he moves to get up, but without thinking I grab his arm before he stands. Confused, he gives me a questioning look and I shyly look away from him but kept hanging onto his arm. 

"I know it's probably inappropriate, but would you mind staying with me? I just feel like for once I don't want to be left alone." I say quietly. Erwin seems quite shocked by my admission, but agrees. 

He walks around to the other side of the bed and gets under the covers. "Thank you." I say as I turn to lay on my side, back facing toward him. "My pleasure." He replies in return, but he narrows his eyes at me when I turn to raise my eyebrows at him suggestively, "Shut up." He says, and thanks to the soft light of the moon, I was able to see his face go a little red.

I laugh softly and drift back to sleep, feeling comforted and safe with Erwin there.


	17. Chapter 17: Jealousy

Your POV 

I slowly open my eyes to feel the warm gentle light of the early morning sun. I stretch a little bit, but not too much as to not disturb the wounds on my back. As I stretch I don’t realize at first there are 2 arms wrapped around me, and a body pressed up against my back. 

I can feel my face go red as I realize Erwin is spooning me. Must have happened at some point during the night; I know we didn’t fall asleep in this position. I could feel him breathe against my neck and it made me shiver a little bit. His warmth felt so good, I didn’t want to get up. 

I turn myself around gently, as to not wake him up, and brush some of his blonde hair out of his face. I smile at his sleeping face, so peaceful. My movement caused him to stir a little in his sleep and he pulls me closer. 

I enjoy the embrace until I feel something large brush against my thigh. Uh oh, I have lived around enough men to know what happens to them in the morning. It doesn’t really bother me much, I get it, but I don’t want him to feel awkward when he wakes up. So I slowly unwrap myself from his embrace, and go to grab my uniform and shower supplies from the corner of the room. 

Thankfully he remains asleep and I slowly make my way out of the bedroom and office. As I’m walking down the hallway, I see Levi again. Does he wait for me or something? 

“Morning, Brat,” He greets me, “To the hospital wing, let’s make it quick.” I roll my eyes at him, even though secretly I do appreciate his concern. 

“Yes mom,” I sigh and follow him. 

We walked in silence, it wasn’t an uncomfortable one though. I was always comfortable just sitting or walking with Levi in silence. Neither of us are particularly chatty, so it’s kind of nice not feeling obligated to start a conversation. 

We get to the hospital wing and I hurriedly take my shirt off, “Make it quick,” I remind him as I assume the position, “But please, be gentle with me, Captain.” I turn and wink at him and bite my lower lip. I let out a laugh as he narrows his eyes at me. The men here are so easy to work up, it’s pretty entertaining. 

“You’re strange.” He mutters at me as he starts pulling off my bandages. 

“... A strange person just called me strange.” I say in the same tone he muttered in. I can feel his eyes burning holes through my skull. 

“You shouldn’t joke like that you know,” Levi sighed, “Someone is going to take it the wrong way.” 

“I use humour to mask my pain, Levi,” I wave off his warning, “Plus, I can handle myself, thanks.” 

We stood in silence as he finishes examining my back. The familiar shudders I feel run up my spine are back, as Levi gently brushed against my back with his fingers. 

I try to keep myself still, and hope he can’t hear my quickening heartbeat. I freeze when he suddenly starts running his fingers through my hair, and grabs it in his fist. He grabs the hair tie I have on my wrist and he pulls my hair up into a ponytail. 

“It was getting in the way.” Levi mumbles as he continued. “Sure sure.” I reply, smirking slightly.

He yanked on my ponytail so I was facing him, “It was.” He insists, eyes narrowing at me again. 

“Oh course it was, Levi. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you have a thing for hair pulling. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I smile at the malicious look he gives me. 

He gives me a curt ‘tch’ and continues examine my back. 

There was silence again for awhile before Levi broke the silence, “Oluo didn’t bother you yesterday, did he?” Levi asked me quietly. I could hear the anger in his voice, why is he so angry? Shouldn’t I be the only one angry about the situation?” 

“No,” I reassure him, “He didn’t bother me, I promise. Why do you ask?” 

“I’m just making sure you’re okay, brat.” He mumbles in response. 

“I haven’t forgiven him, but I don’t have the energy or time to waste on hating him,” I continue, “I’m not mad, Levi. So why are you? I don’t need you to be angry for me.” I think that came out a little more defensive than I intended for it to be. But he shouldn’t hold anything against Oluo, I was supposed to be the one that had a problem with him, not Levi. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me, seemingly out of no where. “I don’t know, you’re the one looking at my wounds, you tell me.” I knew what he meant, but it’s too fun and easy to tease him. 

He rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated groan, “Alright, you’re done.” He says, signalling for me to put my shirt back on. I shrug my shirt back on and then to face him, “So, I’m good to train today, right?” I ask him hopefully. 

He looks at me and considers my question, “Fine, but don’t go too crazy.” He sighs, relenting to the puppy dog eyes I give me. 

“Yes!” I kiss my palm and lightly slap his forehead with it, “What the hell was that?” Levi blushed a little, touching his forehead where I palmed him. 

“I didn’t think you would want me to actually kiss you, so I transferred it to you via my hand instead. You’re welcome!” I explain as I turn and walk briskly out of the hospital wing, leaving Levi giving me a confused look as I walk away. 

I made my way to the showers, happy now that I know I can at least be somewhat useful today. Eating breakfast in the Mess Hall is going to be weird though. People are going to stare and ask questions. 

Eren’s POV 

I make my way into the Mess Hall for breakfast, hoping to see (y/n) there. I even left my room earlier than I usually do, I don’t want to miss her. 

When I get there I’m disappointed when I don’t see her anywhere. I see Oluo sitting with Petra, Eld and Gunter. I heard he was with her yesterday. Jealousy flared up in me when I heard that. Wasn’t he the one who caused all the problems in the first place? Why was he the one who got to spend time with her. 

I make my way over to the table with my squad, hoping to see if any of them had heard anything from (y/n) or the captain. 

“Good morning, Eren,” Petra greeted me sweetly as usual. “Morning,” I mutter before I direct my attention to Oluo, “Where is (y/n)?” I ask him with a glare. 

“Don’t give me that look, Brat,” He retorts, “How should I know where she is?” 

“You were with her all day yesterday. What happened?” I demand, feeling myself getting more frustrated. 

“That’s none of your business. Ask (y/n) if you’re curious, I don’t have to explain anything to you.” Oluo is getting more annoyed too, not appreciating me interrogating him. 

“I would, but I don’t know where she is.” 

“Well neither do I, so why don’t you go look for her instead of bothering me about her?” He complained at me he continues eating breakfast and doing his best to ignore my glare. 

“No need, I’m right here.” I hear a familiar voice say from behind me. I jolt around in my seat to see a freshly showered (y/n) behind me. 

I leap out of my seat and pull her into a tight hug. “Ah!” She hisses in pain. I let go of her immediately and try to see if I can see any injuries peeking through her uniform. 

“They’re on my back.” She smiles gently at me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “Sorry.” I say to her, feeling bad that I just leaped on her without considering that she is probably still in pain from whatever she went through. 

“You didn’t know, it’s okay.” (Y/n) reassures me. I notice her look around nervously, I can understand why, everyone was staring at her. 

“So, are you coming to train today?” I ask her, trying to keep her mind off the stares. “Yes,” she smiles at me again, “I will be there to kick all your asses again.” She laughed as she sits down next to me. 

I notice some bruising around her neck and a dark purple one further down. Was she strangled? 

“Great! How about my first challenge today then?” I hear Oluo say as he looks over at (y/n). 

“You’re on, pick your poison, what’s it going to be?and don’t say a dick measuring contest, because I will win that too.” (Y/n) smirks at him and takes a sip of her tea. “ODM challenge. We’ll set up a bunch of dummy titans, whoever downs the most in 10 minutes, is the winner.” Oluo suggests to (y/n). 

“Oluo,” (y/n) tsks at him, “You’re a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?” 

“Save it. I’m more than confident in my ODM skills, I have this.” He smirks back at her. 

“We’ll soon see, won’t we?” She laughs and starts to participating in idle chit chat with our other squad members. 

No one is asking her about that night, that’s probably how she wants it though. I’m dying to ask her some questions of my own, but I don’t feel it’s my place to bring it up. 

Myself and most of my friends demanded answers from Sasha, but she wouldn’t give much away. All she said was a man attacked (y/n), and broke their window. 

But I feel it’s safe to assume the person who attacked her is a person she was trying to hide from. That must have been scary for her, but now she is here acting like nothing is wrong. 

I know she’s a strong girl, but how much can a person take? I hope she really is okay, I’ll keep a close eye on her though. 

Erwin’s POV

It was a really nice day out, so I decide to open the windows to my office while I do more paper work. I slept in a little bit this morning, so now I’m a little bit behind. 

I hear a knock on my door and I invite whoever it is in. “Hello Erwin!” Hange greets me excitedly. Where does she get her energy from? “I just wanted to let you know the window has been replaced in (y/n)’s room.” She says as she sits down across from me, awaiting my reaction. 

I stop writing and look up at her. I knew (y/n) wouldn’t be here for much longer, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that she would be leaving. 

“Erwin, she’s not leaving base,” Hange seems to notice my inner turmoil, “She’s only going back to her own room.” She lets out a little laugh as I shoot her a glare. 

This is for the best anyway. I can’t keep her here, she’s already enough of a distraction... Even more so now. 

... Why is that my reasoning? She has to go back to her own room because it is her room, end of discussion. 

“Maybe you should just talk to her.” Hange comments. She gets up and walks behind me to my window, enjoying the light breeze coming through. 

“About her window being replaced? Of course I will tell her.” I knew what she was really trying to say, but I hoped she would take the hint and not bring it up anymore. 

“That’s not a what I meant, and you know it.” She replied smugly. 

Damnit. 

“I know what you mean, but you have the wrong idea.” I try to say it as nonchalantly as I can. 

“Speak of the devil,” Hange smiles as she looks at the window. 

I don’t have to look out the window to recognize that voice that is in my mind constantly. 

“Too bad, Oluo,” I hear (y/n) laugh outside, “Maybe when you’re a big boy you can challenge me again.” 

“Cutting down one big dummy Titan and that dummy Titan knocks down smaller dummy titans, doesn’t count as 5 points, it’s still only 1!” The unmistakable annoyed voice of Oluo yelling at (y/n). 

I decide to step away from my desk to watch the exchange. All of squad Levi was standing outside watching (y/n) and Oluo argue. 

“Captain Levi?” (y/n) shifted her gaze from Oluo to Levi, who seems pretty annoyed by the argument. 

“Did an action, whether direct or indirect, caused by (y/n) result in the collapse of the other smalller dummy titans?” Levi asked Oluo in a frustrated voice. 

“... Yes, but-“ 

“5 points to (y/n).” Levi interrupted Oluo before he could continue. 

“Ha!” (Y/n) laughs at Oluo triumphantly. 

“I don’t know why the number mattered to you, Oluo,” Petra said to him, “Even if it only counted for 1 point she still would have beaten you.” 

“It’s easier to say she beat me by 2 points than by 4 points.” Oluo muttered to Petra. “You were able to keep up with her though,” Petra smiles at him, in an effort to cheer him up, “It’s hard to keep up with a monkey bird like (y/n).” 

“A what?” (Y/n) laughed. 

“A monkey bird,” Petra giggled, “You fly with ODM gear like she was born with wings and you can jump from obstacle to obstacle like a monkey. Monkey bird.” 

“What does that make me then?” Oluo asks Petra. “A sloth.” (Y/n) answered instead, causing Oluo to glare at her again. 

“Well Captain Levi is better than all of us, what would he be?” Eren asked (y/n). 

“A honey badger.” (Y/n) answered simply, smiling at the scowl Levi gives her. 

“A what?” Levi retorted, giving her a menacing look. 

“Never heard of them? I read about them from a book in the capital,” (y/n) started to explain excitedly, “They are the most bad ass little creature ever! They scare off animals many times their own size. All animals fear the honey badger, they are very aggressive little creatures, and they avoid human contact as best they can. Also, they are so cute!” 

(Y/n) walks closer to Levi and starts pinching his cheeks. 

When she let go, Levi lifts (y/n) up with ease and carries her on his shoulder, “Stables. Clean. Now.” 

(Y/n) just keeps giggling at how Levi reacted. The rest of Levi’s squad following after them. 

I didn’t even realize that my hands were clenched into fists until I realize how sore they felt. “Jealous?” Hange giggles when she saw the annoyed look on my face. 

Yes, I was. I didn’t expect to ever have these types of feelings for anyone. Maybe I should distance myself from her... I find myself getting jealous by anyone who gets too close to her. That’s not the type of emotion I should be feeling right now. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with this. 

Hange decides it’s probably for the best to not tease me anymore. “Erwin, you know your position doesn’t stop you from pursuing something with (y/n). So what is stopping you?” She asked me, sitting back down on the chair on the other side of my desk. 

What’s stopping me? I don’t have a good answer for that. I can think of 100 reasons as to why I shouldn’t pursue (y/n). But I can always think of at least 1 reason as to why I should. It keeps me at this stalemate, where I refuse to actively pursue her, but I also refuse to give up the idea entirely. 

“If you’re going to make a move, you should do it sooner rather than later. I’ve noticed Levi seems to have an interest in her as well.” Hange states. 

I already knew that, it’s pretty obvious in his case. He avoids spending time with most people unless he has to, but I’ve seen him go out of his way to be around her. I’ll have to keep an eye on him. 

“Your silence speaks volumes you know?” Hange says as she raises an eyebrow at me. “Close the door on your way out.” I smirk at her. 

She lets out a dramatic sigh, “Fine, but just so you know you better hope she isn’t into girls too... Or you will be in trouble.” She winks at me as she leaves my office. 

Your POV 

It was exhausting cleaning the stables, definitely a decent punishment I suppose. But I called him a honey badger because I meant it as a compliment. 

Oh well I guess. As I make my way toward the Mess Hall, I see Sasha running down the hall toward me. As she approaches me, she wraps me into a tight hug, “(y/n)! How have you been?! I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you!” She cried happily when she sees that I’m okay. 

“I’m fine, Sasha, how are you?” I laugh but wince a little bit when her hands graze over a few of my stitches, but I hug her back. “I’m not the one who got attacked, I’m fine (y/n).” She said, letting go of me, “Are you heading to the Mess Hall? Come on, let’s go together.” I smile and nod at her as she links her arm through mine. 

“Our window has been replaced, and the broken glass is gone so we can go back tonight.” Sasha tells me happily. “Oh, that’s great!” I say, trying to match her enthusiasm. But to be honest, I felt a little sad I wouldn’t be in Erwin’s room anymore. I had only been there a couple nights, but I felt so comfortable around him. 

“How was sleeping with Mikasa?” I ask, trying to take my mind off of Erwin. Sasha shivers, “I honestly didn’t think my snoring was going to be that big of an issue, but Mikasa is a light sleeper. At least Krista didn’t complain though.” I laughed, picturing an angry Mikasa standing over a sleeping Sasha, pillow in head ready to suffocate her. 

We reach the Mess Hall and I decide to sit with Sasha today. Despite complaining about her sometimes, I did actually miss her a little. 

There were a couple empty spots next to Reiner and Armin, so we decided to sit there. “(Y/n)!” Reiner greeted me as I sit down next to him, “Hey,” I smile at him nervously. The rest of the people around the table greeted me with smiles too. 

It was sweet that they genuinely seemed happy to see me. They could probably tell I was nervous, so they didn’t ask me any questions about the night I was attacked. I was thankful for that. It was nice to just kind of relax and talk about random things. 

After I finish my dinner, I made my way to Erwin’s office to grab my stuff and thank him for letting me stay there. 

I knock on his door and wait for his permission to enter. When I hear his voice invite me in, I open the door and greet him with a smile. 

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know my window has been replaced, so you don’t have to babysit me anymore.” 

Erwin doesn’t even look up from his desk when he says, “I’m aware.” I paused at his curt response, is he okay? 

“Thank you for letting me stay here, I really appreciate it. And I’m sorry if I ever inconvenienced you.” 

He didn’t answer this time, just continues with his paper work. I expect him to say something, but I got nothing from him. So I decide to leave him alone and just go grab my things. 

After I grab my stuff, I made my way to the door leading out of his office. “Good night, sir.” I say to him, but he still remains silent. 

I sigh and walk out the door, closing it gently behind me. That was weird... What is his issue? Did I do something wrong? It made my chest tighten a bit when I think about getting the cold shoulder from Erwin. He’s not the type of person to keep silent if someone is bothering him... So what is it then?


	18. Chapter 18: The Night Out

Time skip, 2 days before expedition.

Your POV 

The days have been going by rather quickly, non-stop training and preparation for the upcoming expedition. Erwin was still acting pretty cold toward me. In fact, he barely acknowledged my existence. 

I was growing tired of it. I didn’t do anything to him, if he all of a sudden has something against me, I no longer care. I don’t have the time or energy to waste on trying to figure out his weird mixed signals. So I just ignore him too. 

But at least I will get to have some fun tonight. I’m trying to figure out what I should wear to the bar for the night of drinking that is about to take place. It will be nice to just let loose with everyone; drink all my worries away, as they say. 

I decide to wear my (f/c) fitted top with a low neck line, and my favourite pair of tight black pants. My hair is down and falls neatly around me. “Ooooo you look hot!” Sasha compliments me from her side of the room. “Thanks, you look great too.” I smile at her. She does look cute in her blue tank top, white sweater and light brown pants. Plus, they are free of any visible food stains. 

We decide to walk into town together to head for the bar. It was a beautiful night, and the walk was nice. Even though Sasha’s constant chatter can be annoying. I was in a good mood and just happy to be off base. 

When we got to the bar, almost everyone was there. Heads turned to my direction as I walk in, making me pretty uncomfortable. I see my squad sitting at a table near the back of the bar, so I make my way over to them while Sasha goes to sit with Connie and Jean at the bar. 

“Finally!” Oluo says as I sit down, “Let’s do this, you’re going down, (l/n).”

I smile at him and take one of the full mugs of beer and start downing the whole thing. My squad members watch in awe as I finish the whole thing as quickly as I did, “We’ll see about that.” I smirk at him over my mug. 

.... 

I have to admit, Oluo is pretty good at holding his liquor. We are both at least 6 beers in at this point, and we are both feeling pretty tipsy to say the least. But not enough to start puking or passing out yet. 

“It’s getting boring just watching you two drink and stare at each other, we should spice this up a bit.” Hange says as she comes to sit at our table, “I’ll give you guys some challenges to complete. Complete the challenge, you get a point. Whoever has the most points, wins.” 

Hange’s challenges were basically like a game of truth or dare, but truth isn’t an option. It starts off easy of course, as we test the waters of our limitations. We do shots, dance around like idiots, make people uncomfortable, confess embarrassing secrets. But now they are starting to get tougher. 

“Alright, next!” Hange announced, “Do a handstand and walk on your hands across the bar.” 

“Easy!” Oluo laughed, slowly climbing on top of the bar. Levi stands next to me watching Oluo make his attempt, “If this goes on, one of you is going to get really hurt.” He comments quietly to me, giving Oluo a disapproving look. “Aw, Levi! Do you want to join in? It’s all for some harmless fun.” 

Oluo suddenly falls off the bar after only taking a few steps with his hands. He crashes to the floor, knocking over a few drinks on his way, soaking a few other cadets in the process. Levi turns to smirk at me, “You were saying..” 

“Well, some of us are actually good at hand stands.” I say to him before making my own way to the end of the bar to try it out. I can hear people applaud and shout for me as I raise my arms dramatically, as if I were about to do something amazing. 

I place my hands on the bar counter and gently use my core to lift my legs up high, my shirt was form fitted but it fell a little bit to reveal my scared but toned stomach. Something like this is usually pretty easy for me, but the alcohol does make me a little wobbly. 

Regardless of the slight dizziness, I walk across the bar with my hands like a pro and smirk at Oluo as I pass the part of the bar he fell at. I go farther down the bar before I lower my legs and land gracefully into the splits, just to rub the loss even more in Oluo’s face. “Show off!” I hear Oluo laugh as others around him cheer me on. 

I jump off the bar and stand next to Oluo, waiting for Hange’s next task. 

“Okay,” Hange laughs at the determined looks on our faces, “Get a complete stranger to kiss you!” 

“That’s not fair!” Oluo protests, “Look at (y/n), she can get anyone to kiss her. It’s a lot tougher for a man!” 

“No complaining, Oluo,” Hange tutted him playfully, “Just do it!” 

Myself, Hange and the rest of my squad sit at our table to watch Oluo make his attempt. I watch in amusement as Oluo attempts to flirt with random women around the bar. But in his drunken state, none of the women are interested. 

“I give up,” Oluo sighs and sits back down at the table next to Levi, who looks very annoyed for some reason.

I get up from my seat and look around the bar. I know all of the men here already from the scouts, and even some from the Garrison Regiment. My eyes fall upon a familiar blonde head of hair, I didn’t even notice Erwin was here too. But I guess I was also surprised when I saw Levi was here too when I first came in. They just don’t seem like the type that would want anything to do with dealing with drunken cadets. 

I notice Mike is sitting next to him too. Erwin is staring at me now, but I look away immediately. Now he is acknowledging me? I’m too drunk to try and decipher his actions. 

My eyes fall on a pretty woman with black hair, sitting a couple seats down form where Mike is sitting. She’ll do. 

I put on my best smile and channel Peitho. I might as well go all in, worst she can do is say no. I can’t do any worse than Oluo. 

“Excuse me,” I say to the woman. She looks at me with pretty brown eyes, “Yes?” She replied, a confused look on her face. 

“I need you to kiss me.” I say to her matter-of-factly. “... Sorry, what?” She said, looking even more confused. 

Instead of trying to explain, I gently cup my hand under her chin and press my lips gently to her’s. I expect her to pull away after a peck, which works for me, that’s all I need to win. But she didn’t. After getting over the initial shock, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer to her. 

I bite at her lip roughly, causing her to gasp, allowing me to slip my tongue in her mouth. Her tongue danced around with mine, not fighting for dominance, just enjoying each other’s movements. 

I can here hooting and cat calls erupting around the bar. “We get it!” I hear Oluo yell at me, “You win! Stop rubbing it in!” 

I break away from the woman, wiping saliva from the corner of my lips and wink at her. I head back to the table where everyone is clapping for me, except Oluo and Levi. Why does Levi look so pissed? 

“How did you do that?” Oluo asks me as soon as I sit down. “What ever so you mean?” I ask him innocently, smirking a little. 

“Teach me,” He demanded, holding out another mug of beer for me. “You want a woman to teach you how to be a man?” I give him a smug look. He starts to say something else, but Hange interrupts him.

“Okay, I have another good one.” She says to us, “Make Keith Shadis laugh.” 

We both look at her in disbelief, “Shadis?” I complain, “There are rocks that laugh more than him!” 

“Which is why it is called a ‘challenge’! Come on, let’s go sit next to him on the bar.” Hange laughs and gets up to get closer to Shadis. 

Oluo and I sigh as we follow Hange reluctantly. “Shadis!” Hange greeted him warmly, “Can we sit here?” 

“No.” Shadis replies without even looking up at her. “Thanks!” Hange said, going to sit on his left, Oluo to his right and I sit on the other side of Hange. 

Oluo tried his best to make Shadis laugh, but it seems to be a wasted effort. People near Oluo laugh at his jokes and funny stories, but Shadis remains as stony faced as ever. It’s kind of fun to watch actually. 

Shadis doesn’t seem like the kind of person to laugh at someone else’s expense. Maybe making fun of him would work? Or maybe make him uncomfortable? There are a lot of people who laugh when they’re uncomfortable or nervous, I know I do. Maybe I should try that...

Hange leans over to me while Oluo is still talking to, or rather ‘at’, Shadis. “(Y/n), do you have a plan?” She whispers to me. “Maybe, I was going to try to get an uncomfortable or nervous laugh out of him, since normal jokes and stories don’t make him laugh.” 

She nods and goes back to listening in on Oluo’s attempts to make Shadis laugh. I rest my head on the bar counter, I’m definitely feeling drunk now. Maybe I’ll just take the loss for this challenge, I’m already beating Oluo. Plus I can’t really think straight let alone think of something I could use to get Shadis to laugh. 

All of a sudden I hear Hange start speaking, “Oh right! (Y/n), when we first met, didn’t you say you slept with Shadis?” 

I lift my head to look at her and give her a confused look, “I did say that...” I admit, but obviously, under the context of the conversation, I was kidding. What is she trying to do? 

“I’ve always wondered,” Hange continues, loud enough for Shadis to hear her too, “What is he like? Is he warm and soft as he wraps his arms around you like a comfy blanket?” 

“No,” I say with a smirk, maybe this could work, “He’s cold and smooth to touch, like a dead snake.” 

I hear someone snort with laughter on the other side of me, it was Commander Pixis. I didn’t even realize he was beside me. I guess it makes sense though, he does like to drink. 

“Dominant or submissive?” Hange asks with a smile, nudging me in the side to get my attention again. 

“Surprisingly submissive,” I answer her, “He even kept his bolo tie from when he was the Commander. He wanted me to wear it; he has a thing for powerful women.” 

I look over at Shadis to see if I’m getting any kind of reaction, but it seems he is doing his best to ignore me. 

“How big?” Hange asked, holding up her fingers for me to position them. 

I ignore her fingers and dramatically drop my forearm on the counter, “That long.” I say pointing at my arm. 

“What’s his kink?” Hange giggles. I notice that Shadis is looking over at me now, eyes giving me an icy warning glare. 

“Well, he said a total of 3 things to me the whole time,” I say, smirking at Shadis, “Choke me, spit in my mouth and shove it up my -“ I didn’t get to finish, Shadis finally makes his way over to me and grabbed the front of my shirt, “What do I have to do for you to shut up?” He growled at me. “Say I made you laugh, and tell Hange I’m funnier than Oluo.” 

“I don’t lie.” Shadis replies, eyes narrowing even more at me. 

“Fine,” I smile at him, “If you don’t want to acknowledge our passionate night together, I’ll remember for the both of us! And Pixis of course, his fault for walking by at the wrong time, and after what he witnessed he hasn’t been able to stay sober since.” 

I can hear another hearty laugh from Pixis, he raises his glass at me, “Cheers!” Then he chugs his beer and slaps Shadis on the back. 

“Oh! I saw that!” Hange cried happily, “I saw that smirk when she brought up Pixis’ drinking, Shadis! Another point to (y/n)!” 

“Yes! Haha! Up top!” I shout to Shadis, lifting up my hand for a high five. He just continues to glare at me, so I grabbed his hand and forced a high five. 

“No way!” Oluo complained, “He didn’t laugh, it was only a smirk!” 

“I will allow it!” Hange laughed and patted me on the back. “Thanks for the assist, Hange.” I whisper to her. 

Oluo looked like he was going to argue more, but stopped. I give him a questioning look, “Be right back.” He mumbles as he rushed out of the bar. I ran after him, is he about to do what I think he is going to do? 

As soon as he makes it outside, he runs for the side of the bar, next to an alley. I can hear him retching around the corner. Which means I win both challenges! 

“Awww are you okay, Oluo?” I giggle as I make my way over to him, “Want me to hold you hair back, love?” 

“Shut up.” He groans as he slaps my hand away from him. 

“Want me to get you some water? Maybe a nice fruity drink that all the ladies love?” I tease him. 

He ignores me and pushes past me to go back inside the bar. I laugh and decided to stand outside for a little bit. The cool night air feels really good after being in that bar for so long. Plus, getting some air may help with my drunken state. 

Erwin’s POV 

I’ve never been to one of these little gatherings before an expedition, but I knew (y/n) was going to be here, so I wanted to be here too. I felt bad for treating her coldly after her window was replaced. I’m trying my hardest to distance myself from her more, in hopes that maybe these feelings would go away. But my efforts were useless, I can’t get my mind off of her, even more so now. 

Watching her smile and interact with her squad is worth the trip. Also making sure no other man puts his hands on her. 

“I didn’t think it was possible for (y/n) to look even more beautiful, but it would appear I was wrong.” I hear Mike comment from next to me. I shoot him a glare and take another sip of beer from my glass. 

“Hey, the way I see it, she’s fair game,” Mike chuckles, “Her smell is intoxicating and you refuse to make a move.” 

That may be true, but like hell I was going to let anyone have her. I can feel as insatiable hunger building in me that can only be satisfied by (y/n). 

I watch her as she follows Oluo up to the bar, watching him attempt a handstand, it would seem. But it doesn’t take him long to lose his balance and tumble to the floor. I hold my breath as the masses cheer her on as she slowly lifts her legs up in the air, and walks on her hands as if she does it all the time. 

She makes her way pretty far down the bar until she decides Oluo has been humiliated enough. She drops her legs and shows off her flexibility by doing the splits... The things I could do with her. Inappropriate thoughts coming to my mind as I watch her sit back down at her table. 

“Impressive,” Mike comments, also looking at (y/n), “I guess it makes sense, she did dance after all, good balance and flexibility.” I nod at him as I take another drink from my mug. 

Before long, I see her stand up from her table again and make her way towards the bar. Her (e/c) eyes meet mine when she finally sees me sitting here. I can see a hint of sadness in her eyes when she sees me, but it is quickly turned into frustration as she breaks eye contact with me. I probably deserve far worse. Avoiding her is difficult and I don’t know if I have it in me to do it anymore. 

(Y/n) walks farther down the bar to a woman with black hair. She has a brief exchange with the woman before (y/n) starts kissing her. I hear whistles and cat calls around the bar as everyone’s eyes are locked on the pair.

Typically a man would find such a site arousing, but it only made me more frustrated and jealous. How pathetic am I becoming? 

(Y/n) finally breaks away from the woman, who clearly wanted more, and goes back to her table. She really does have an intoxicating effect on everyone. 

I continue to keep an eye on her as her and Oluo play their little game. Mike laughs at Oluo when he starts telling Shadis jokes and stories. But my eyes are glued to (y/n). The alcohol seems to finally be kicking in for her, and she now looks tired and completely over Hange’s little game. 

But I was pleasantly surprised when she finally decided to fight back and won another challenge. It’s nice to see her smiling so brightly, she has such a pretty smile. 

I turn my attention away from her to order another drink. The blonde bar tender looks at me hungrily as she brings me another drink, “You know, I’m off in a little bit,” She says to me as I thank her and pay for the drink, “My place isn’t far from here, can I take you home? I will make it a memorable night for you before you leave for your next expedition.” 

But I wasn’t really listening to her, I look around and notice (y/n) is not in the bar anymore. Is she okay? Where did she go? 

Panic setting in, I make my way to the door, maybe she is just getting fresh air. As I step outside I see Oluo stumbling toward the door to let himself back into the bar. I look around out front, but I don’t see her anywhere. 

Feeling more and more nervous. I walk around the corner of the bar, and there she is. She was leaning against the wall and looking up at the night’s sky, breathing in the brisk night air. 

“(Y/n),” I call to her as I walk closer. She looks over to see who called her, when she sees it was me she frowns and narrows her eyes at me, “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, sir.” She said curtly and tilted her head back again to look up at the sky. I walk closer to her, not really knowing what to say. 

“Can I help you with something?” She demanded, glaring at me again. 

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” I say to her, stopping a few feet from her. 

“Well, as I said, I’m fine sir. You can go now.” (Y/n) retorted, I can see her getting angrier. But I have to apologize to her. 

“(Y/n), I’m sorry.” I say to her, wishing I could figure out something better to say, but that’s all I can manage right now. 

“Don’t be, sir,” She growled at me, “You don’t owe me anything, let alone an apology.” 

“I do though,” I continue, taking a few more tentative steps toward her, “I have been treating you unfairly.” 

“You mean by ignoring me for no reason?” She asks, setting her furious gaze on me again. 

“I wouldn’t say, ‘ignoring’. I would say ‘avoiding’ would be a more accurate word.” I admit to her. 

She turns her body to completely face me now, “Avoiding? You really want to argue semantics?” She replied, (e/c) eyes burning into me. 

I sigh, “It’s hard to explain, but I’d like to have a conversation with you about it when you’re sober.” 

(Y/n) scuffs at my words and tries to storm past me, but I gently grab her arm. “I find it hard to be around you, but I also find it even harder to not be around you.” I start, but (y/n) interrupts me, “I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable. But you don’t have to worry about it anymore, you can go back to ignoring or avoiding me. I don’t care.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” I say gently, but firmly. I block her way forward and backward by trapping her between my arms, pinning her against the wall, “You’re all I think about, when I’m around you and when I’m not around you.” I look at her, worried about making her uncomfortable. I remove my hands from the wall, wanting to give her an out if she wants it. Forcing her to stay and hear me out would be no different than those men who tormented her in the capital. 

To my surprise, she stayed where she was, looking up at me with red cheeks. I felt the urge to kiss her soft plump lips, but it wouldn’t be right. I can see an alcohol fuelled glaze over her eyes as she stares up at me. 

“(Y/n),” I sigh, “You have no idea what you do to me.”

“There you are!” I jerk my head to the direction of the voice, it was Mike, “You need to get Hange back to base! She’s passed out on the bar!” 

I give him an irritated look, “Why don’t you? You look perfectly capable!” I yell back at him. 

“That pretty bar tender was so sad when you ignored her advances. So I chatted her up, and I’ll be leaving with her in a few minutes!” Mike laughed, turning to head back into the bar. 

“Yes Mike! Get some!” (Y/n) giggled as she cheered for Mike. Mike turns back around, “Don’t get too comfortable, (y/n). I’ll be after you before long.”

“What?” (Y/n) yelled, giving him a confused look.

Mike was about to repeat himself, so I covered her ears like she were a child. Mike laughs again at my glare and returns to the bar. 

I sigh and remove my hands from (y/n)’s ears. She gives me an amused look which I return, “Looks like I have to escort Hange back to base.” I say to her, but I can’t take her with me. If she comes back to my room tonight, I’m not entirely sure I would be able to control myself. Plus, she is still here with her squad, I trust they won’t let anything happen to her. 

“We’ll talk more after the expedition, okay?” I say to her while twirling a few strands of her soft (h/l) (h/c) hair between my fingers. “Okay.” She answered me quietly. 

I give her a gentle kiss on her forehead, and make my way back into the bar to get Hange. 

Levi’s POV 

Where did (y/n) go now? I leave for a few minutes to go to the washroom and she disappears. I head back to my squad at our table and take my seat. 

I’m looking around the bar but I don’t see her anywhere. “Captain,” I hear Petra from next to me, “There you are! I’ve been looking for you.” She wraps her arms around my neck and tries to pull me closer to her. Well she’s clearly drunk, “Petra, let go.” I tell her sternly before I start unwrapping myself from her hold. “What’s wrong, sir?” Petra pouts as I put more distance between myself and her.

I’m not blind, I know she has some form of personal feelings toward me. But she has never brought it up to me, so I have been able to ignore it. But now that she is drunk, she seems to have the courage to let it be seen. 

“Where is (y/n)?” I ask her. Her face flushes as angry red, “It’s always about her, isn’t it.” I groan at her, “Petra, don’t start.” 

She’s about to argue more, but I see the door open and (y/n) walks in with Erwin. My hands clenched into fists, wasn’t he ignoring her or something? They had been acting weird around one another for several days. 

Erwin walks over to Hange, who is still passed out on the bar, and nudges her awake, “Come on,” he mumbled to her, “let’s go.” 

Hange, now half awake, had to lean most of her weight onto Erwin, since she couldn’t seem to stand up straight on her own. (Y/n) waves cheerfully at Hange and sits in the open seat between Oluo and Eren. Oluo’s head was on the table, seemingly passed out as well. 

(Y/n) jokes around with Eld and Eren, and a semiconscious Oluo contributes every once in awhile. I can feel Petra’s eyes still on me, “What?” I snap at her, getting annoyed by her persistence. 

“Just tell me why, why not me?” Petra asked me desperately. “Because you’re not her.” I answer simply. 

She looks really depressed now, but I’m not going to try and avoid hurting her feelings. She needs to get it so she can drop the idea and move on. 

My attention is all on (y/n) again when I see someone from the MPs was trying to get her attention, but she ignored him. 

“Come on,” I heard him say to (y/n), “You remember me don’t you? I certainly remember you.” 

(Y/n) shrugs her shoulders, “I met a lot of men and women from the MPs, they all start to look the same to me after awhile. So don’t take it personally.” 

I want to punch the guy in the face, but I know (y/n) will complain and say she can defend herself. So I’ll just stay out of it... For now anyway. 

“Either way, since you’re not one of Lawrence’s bitches anymore, you’ll come home with me for free right?” The man said, eyeing her up and down. 

“Sorry, but I wouldn’t fuck your with Oluo’s vagina.” (Y/n) smirked at the man. 

“Hey.” Oluo moaned, lifting his head off the table. “I said ‘I wouldn’t’, Oluo.” (Y/n) laughs, “So if anything I was complimenting you.” 

“Oh, okay.” Oluo replies as he rested his head back down on the table. 

(Y/n) stood up from the table and started walking in the direction of the bar, when the MP man stood up as well and grabbed her ass, “Come on, how about if I pay you? I would pay a lot of money to get you in my bed.” 

I stood up from the table, getting ready to beat the living shit out of this scum. But (y/n) turned around and grabbed his groin roughly, causing him to freeze immediately and gasp in pain. 

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” (Y/n) growled quietly, leaning into him and tightening her grip a little more, “Doesn’t this turn you on? To be grabbed without your permission, for someone to be forced on you? Isn’t it fun? Aren’t you having fun?” 

I think at the terrified face on the man from the MP, mouth open but unable to let out any coherent words. 

“Well, I’m having fun,” (y/n) smiles at the man, “How do you feel right now? Are you in pain? Scared? Feeling helpless? Yeah, I know what that’s like. And now, so do you.” 

“Please,” was all the man managed to let out. 

“Sure,” (y/n) smiles, “But first you’ll promise me you will never touch or look at me again, and that you’ll never request a woman by the name of Clio. Understand?” 

“Yes.” The man said quietly, barley a whisper. “I can’t hear you!” (Y/n) laughed and she tightened her grip even more. 

“Yes!” He practically screamed and (y/n) let go of him. Once she let go, the man ran out of the bar as fast as he could. 

(Y/n) was about to sit back down next to Oluo, but she noticed Petra looked distressed, “Petra, are you okay? You don’t look so good.” 

“I’m fine.” Petra mumbled without looking up at her. 

“Can I walk you back to HQ?” (Y/n) said gently, walking over to her and placing her hand on Petra’s shoulder. 

Once she touched her, Petra jumped up and swatted her hand away, “I don’t need your help.” She yelled at (y/n). 

“Here, I’ll take her.” I mumble, I don’t want her causing any trouble for anyone, “Stay here.” I say to (y/n) as I walk with Petra out of the bar. 

Thankfully she was silent for most of the walk. I thought we were actually going to make it without me having to speak with her, but I was wrong. 

“Why don’t you come to my room with me? Or I could go with you to your office.” Petra said quietly, looking at me closely. “No.” I say firmly, reaching for the doors leading inside. 

“Levi, please!” Petra clutched my arm tightly, “Just give me one night, if you won’t feel anything I’ll never mention it again. But just please give me a chance.” 

All her begging just makes me want to get away from her faster. “I already told you no, Petra. Now go to your room and sleep it off.” 

Petra looks like she is about to cry, but she does what I ask and stomps away from me. I breathe a sigh of relief when she doesn’t push the idea anymore. 

Now to make my way back to the bar so I can walk back again with (y/n). Sure it was amusing for a while watching her kick Oluo’s ass at anything they were competing at. But I was hoping to spend a little bit of time with her alone. Even if it’s only for the duration of the walk back. That will be enough for me. 

I make it back to the bar, but I don’t see (y/n) anywhere. Most of my squad is still at the table, so I head over there to see where she went. “Where did (y/n) go?” I ask them, but all of them shrug. “She said she was going with you and Petra, we assumed she was with you.” Gunter said, taking another sip from his drink. 

What the fuck? She wasn’t walking with Petra and I... Could she have gotten lost on the way? She is pretty drunk. I race out of the bar again to go look for her. I decide to retrace my steps back to HQ, looking down alleyways as I went, calling out her name. 

Every second I don’t see her, I can feel myself getting more and more panicked. If she passed out somewhere? What if someone kidnapped her? I clench my fists, fingernails digging into my palms. If that happens, I’ll rip whoever it was into tiny little pieces. 

I make it back to HQ and don’t see her anywhere. Maybe I’ll go grab a horse, it’ll be faster. I turn to make my way to the stables, but I see a figure out of the corner of my eye. 

I walk closer and breathe a sigh of relief when I see it’s (y/n). She’s laying on her back looking up at the night’s sky. 

I surprise her when I take a seat next to her, “Oh hey Levi, what are you doing out here?” She asks me, propping herself up on her elbows. 

“Me? You’re just laying outside looking at the sky. What the hell are you doing out here?” I scold her, still annoyed by the fact she just disappeared like that. 

“I was going to try and talk to Petra, but then I realized that you 2 may have been walking together back to HQ to hook up. So I felt that maybe I shouldn’t interfere.” (Y/n) explained, “I was going to head back to the bar, but then I looked up at the sky and just thought it was so pretty. So I decided to stay out here and stargaze a bit.” 

I narrow my eyes at her, “You’re here because you couldn’t see straight and had trouble walking because you’re drunk, and decided to sit out here so you don’t run the risk of your clumsy ass falling down any stairs.” I say to her, studying her reaction. 

“... Yes.” She admitted as she lay back down on the grass. 

I sigh at her, “Come on, I’ll bring you inside.” I hold out my hand for her to grab. “No, it’s okay, Levi,” She said, waving off my request, “I’ll be okay, I just need some time.” 

Without warning her, I grab her and pull her up onto my shoulder, “Ah!” She shrieked in surprise, but started laughing afterward, “You really like throwing me over your shoulder don’t you, Levi?” 

“Just shut up and enjoy the ride.” I smirk at her. 

She starts laughing again, “Please tell me that’s what you say to all your casual hook ups.” 

“What makes you think I have casual hook ups?” I ask her. “Have you met you?” She says as she slaps my back. 

It’s not like there haven’t been offers. I’ve been approached by many female cadets who have wanted a night with me. But I have never had any interest in them, so I never went through with it. When I was younger and living in the underground, sure, I hooked up with a few women. But that kind of behaviour hasn’t interested me in a long time. 

“Shut up.” I respond. 

Then I feel her slap my ass, “I was giving you a compliment, don’t be rude.” She giggles. “Don’t do that again, or else.” I snarl at her. 

She doesn’t say anything for a minute or so, but then she slaps my ass again. Oh she’s going to get it now. With my free hand I give her ass a hard firm slap in return. 

I hear her yelp in surprise, she probably wasn’t expecting that. But it was a good excuse to slap her perfect ass. 

She squirms on my shoulder a bit and I can feel the dagger she usually straps to her leg, “That better be a dagger I feel digging into me.” I say with a smirk. 

“Nope, that’s just my dick.” She says innocently. I just roll my eyes and adjust her weight slightly on my shoulder. “Where are we going?” (Y/n) asks me as she realizes we are not heading to the female dorms, “You can sleep it off in my room,” I tell her, “I don’t want you vomiting in your sleep and suffocating.” 

“I’m not that drunk!” She protests a little and struggles against my grip. 

“You were going to sleep outside because you didn’t want to accidentally kill yourself on the stairs. And I don’t trust Blouse to look after you.”

She doesn’t resist anymore, just lets me carry her quietly to my room. 

On the way something pops up in my mind. When (y/n) was talking to the man from the MPs, one of her conditions for releasing him was to leave someone named Clio alone. I wonder what that’s about. 

“Who is Clio?” I asked her out of the blue. 

“You heard that?” She asks. 

“Well it was a pretty entertaining interaction between you and that man.” I respond. 

She giggles, “Her real name is Celeste. She’s a good friend of mine from Laurie’s. I tried to help her as much as I could; she’s too kind and timid to work under Laurie. So I helped her out whenever I could, even if it meant a beating for me.” 

She falls silent again, and I don’t want to press her too hard. 

We reach my door and I shift her weight around in order to unlock the door. 

I put her down as I close the door behind us, and she learns on the wall next to the door. “Can you help me to the washroom? I just want to wash my face, I feel so gross.” 

I smirk at her, “Considering your current state and the fact that you’re pretty clumsy at the best of times, I wouldn’t recommend you doing that. You’ll probably drown with your luck.” 

“... Fair.” She sighed and immediately she staggers over to my couch and plops herself down on it. 

“You can take the bed you know.” I tell her as I go grab an extra blanket for her. 

She is face down on one of the pillows and only mumbles in response. As I drape the blanket over her, she turns over to look up at me, “Why didn’t you hook up with Petra?” She asks, beautiful (e/c) eyes staring up at me. 

“Why do you care?” I retort with another smirk. “Asking for a friend.” She answers simply. 

I sit on the table in front of the couch and study her face, “You’re a bad liar.” I tell her, watching her face go red. 

“Tell you what,” I cup my fingers under her chin to make sure she is looking at me, “You tell me why you care and I’ll tell you why I won’t sleep with Petra.” 

(Y/n) considers my offer and her face goes even redder. “No.” She answered, pulling the blanket up and over her now scarlet face. 

“Truth is, it can never happen with Petra because I feel something for someone else. Beautiful (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes is all that occupies my mind.” I say quietly, but loud enough for her to hear me. 

She lifts the blankets over her head, “My father?” She gasps, “He got to you too?!” Typically I would roll my eyes at her little jokes, but I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. 

(Y/n) gasped again, “The honey badger laughed!” 

“Shut up and listen to me,” I grab her face gently, but firm enough so she can’t look away from me, “I want you. I want you in so many different ways. I want your back on every surface in here. I want to pound into you until you can’t walk for a week.” Her eyes widen at me, but she doesn’t try to pull away. “You’re being especially candid tonight, Levi." she comments, her eyes not leaving mine. 

"I guess it's because I know you probably won't remember any of this tomorrow," I say to her, "And i wanted to get it off my chest anyway." 

“Clever.” She giggled as I let go of her face, “Goodnight, (y/n).” I brush some of her (h/c) hair aside so I could give her a gentle kiss on her jawline under her ear. 

I can feel her shiver from my touch, making it even harder for me to leave her. But she’s drunk and when I make her mine, I want her to be sober and coherent. 

“Goodnight, Levi.” I hear (y/n) say as I head into my room. I pause, just hearing her sweet voice say my name made me want to forget my morality and give into my urges. But I can’t, I want to do this right. 

I don’t dare look back at her, knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist is if I saw her again. I close the door behind me and do my best to try and fall asleep.


	19. Chapter 19: The Morning After

Your POV 

I hiss as I feel the light from the sun on my body. I slowly open my eyes but shut them again immediately when I see the blinding light peek through the curtains. 

I groan and rub my head, as if that would get rid of the pounding headache. I was about to turn over and try to get back to sleep, but I finally realize that I'm not in my room. 

I sit up slowly as to not get too dizzy, and look around the room.... Where am I? It's the same layout as Erwin's office, but with different furniture. Oh! It's Levi's office. How did I get here? Why am I here? 

I'm still wearing all of my clothes, not that I thought Levi would do anything with me since I was so drunk. Just making random observations to try and keep my mind off of the pain in my head. Ugh, I need water, I doubt I drank any last night, so I'm definitely feeling dehydrated. Levi's bathroom should be inside his bedroom. 

I look next to me, on the table I see a glass full of what appeared to be water. But when I see it, I shiver. It reminds me of the last time I took a drink of clear liquid sitting next to me the morning after a drunken night out, thinking it was water... It was not. 

I had to motivate myself to stand up, but that wasn't working. Every time I tried to stand, dizziness and nausea would take over. I sit back on the couch trying to think of what to do. I don't want to throw up on Levi's floor, he'll have me publicly whipped or something... I can't stand, but maybe I could crawl my way to the bathroom. 

I let my body slither off the couch as if I were made of liquid. If I didn't feel as sick as I did I would probably laugh at that very ungraceful way to get off a couch. 

When I'm on the cool floor I pause and just lay there. The coolness from the floor felt so nice against my tired body... Come on (y/n), no more staling, you need water, let's go. 

I slowly crawl my way across the floor, having to take occasional breaks on my way. I have never been this hung over before, it's borderline unbearable. It feels like forever, but I finally reached the threshold for Levi's bedroom. Good, he's not in here. No one needs to witness this. 

"What are you doing?" 

Fuck. 

I turn my head a bit to see Levi walking toward me, an amused expression on his face. 

I stretch my limbs out and wave them around, "Cleaning the floor, sir." I say quietly. 

"Too inefficient." I don't have to look at him to know he is smirking now. 

"I'm getting water, if you must know. So, if you'll excuse me." I confess, continuing slowly crawling my way to the bathroom. 

"I left you a glass of water on the table next to the couch." Levi sighed, walking around to stand in front of me. 

"How was I supposed to know it was water?" I grumble, trying to crawl around him, but he keeps blocking my path. 

"Do you have reason to believe otherwise?" He glares down at me. 

"Last time I woke up after drinking that much the night before, my drunken self left me a glass of what I thought was water. Being dehydrated, I grabbed it and took a bit drink. It was gin... and I puked everywhere." Talking about it made me want to throw up, I never want to drink again... But that's what we always say. 

I look up to see an even more amused looking Levi, "I can see drunk (y/n) doing that to sober (y/n)." He comments. 

"Yep, she's a gem. Now, if you'll please excuse me." I try to go around him again, but once again he blocks my path. 

"I told you, it's water, go drink it." 

"I have to go into the bathroom anyways, so it's fine. Out of the way, honey badger." I say, knowing it will annoy him. 

Levi walked around behind me and grabbed my ankles, "No!" I scream as he drags me all the way back to the couch. 

All that progress I made, lost. I worked so hard to get there, now I have to start all over again. Damn him. 

When we reach the couch he lets my ankles go and smirks down at me as I glare up at him. 

He grabs the water off the table and hands it to me, "Just hurry up and drink it, let's go." 

"Go where?" I ask, giving him a confused look, "We don't have anything planned today other than some final preparations and briefings." 

"Firstly, you're going to shower, I smell alcohol coming out of your pores. Secondly, breakfast. Thirdly, you're taking it easy today, I can't have you in this kind of shape for tomorrow." Levi explained as I downed the whole glass of water. 

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously, "Shouldn't you be mad that I got so drunk in the first place?" 

"Do you wish for me to lecture you about the dangers of binge drinking?" He asks me, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

"... No." I answer. 

"Alright, then get up. I don't have all day." Surprisingly he holds out a hand to help me up. Who is this Levi, and why is he being so nice to me this morning? 

I accept his hand and he pulls me up a little too quickly and the dizziness and nausea hits again. Levi hangs onto me and walks with me toward his bathroom. 

He leaves me standing by the sink and turns on the water in the shower, "Make it quick." He says as he goes to leave the bathroom. I nod at him and make my way toward the shower. 

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel like I want to throw up again. My face was pale, huge bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and dehydration, very dry lips despite the water I just drank, and my (h/l) (h/c) was sticking out in all directions. 

I sigh and slowly make my way into the shower. The warm water felt so nice on my dehydrated skin. I try to remember the events from last night as I wash myself using Levi's soaps. 

I can remember being at the bar, and kicking Oluo's ass in everything that was thrown our way by Hange. I remember most of the challenges we did, especially the one where we had to make Shadis laugh, or I guess smirk. I'll have to apologize to him next time I see him. 

I briefly remember talking to Erwin outside the bar. I still don't really understand why he was ignoring me, but he did seem genuinely sorry. I wonder what he wants to talk to me about after the expedition. Oh well, no point in dwelling on it, I'll find out when we come back. 

And how did I end up in Levi's room? That was another curious mystery to me. If he was trying to walk me back in my drunken state, why didn't he just bring me to my room? Why bring me here? I appreciate his concern, but it is rather confusing... 

Oh well I guess. I finish showering and grab a fluffy towel hanging by the edge of the sink. I dry myself off and finally realize I don't have a change of clothes. I don't really want to put the clothes back on I went out in last night... 

I notice on the sink there are some folded clothes that must belong to Levi. He really does think of everything, doesn't he? 

I put the clothes on, it's just a simple grey long sleeve shirt and some plain pants with a belt. I am a little smaller than him, so his clothes don't exactly fit, but they do fit better than Erwin's clothes. 

I towel dry my hair until it isn't dripping anymore, and make my way out of the washroom. "Thank you for letting me borrow some clothes, Levi." I say to him as I enter his office. He looks up at me and I notice he's blushing slightly. Is it because I'm wearing his clothes? 

Levi stands up and walks towards me, "It's nothing, now let's go. Food." 

"I don't remember much from last night, but thank you for helping me, I appreciate it." I say to him. I decide against insisting I didn't need his help, but I don't know if that's true since I can't really remember all that happened. 

Levi just shrugs, "I don't dislike you, so I don't really mind helping you." 

I freeze and stare at him in awe. "What?" He growls at the look I'm giving him. 

"You 'don't dislike' me?" I mimic him as best as I can, "Levi! That's practically a love confession coming from you!" 

He sighs, "I should have left you to sleep outside." 

I follow him out of his office into the hall, still giggling. I look up to see Petra standing there, "Hey Petra! Did you hear?! Levi doesn't dislike me!" 

She gives me a weird look. She seems both angry and sad, trying to figure out which emotion she wants to convey first. I stop laughing and give her a concerned look, "Are you okay, Petra?" 

She glares at Levi who just raises his eyebrows at her. What is this weird tension? 

"Um, I'm going to go to breakfast. You 2 seem like you need to talk or something." I start to make my way toward the Mess Hall, but Levi grabs my arm, "There's nothing to say that hasn't already been said. Let's go." 

I stare at Levi, "What was that about?" I ask him curiously, as he doesn't seem to be at all surprised by her behaviour. "I'll just say you're not the only one who had a rough night." He mumbles and walks with me toward the Mess Hall. 

"Did she confess to you?" I ask him softly. Why do I care? It's not my business... What am I doing? 

"Yeah," He said simply. "Did you reject her?" I press. "I would think that would be obvious seeing her reaction this morning to seeing you and I walk out of my room." 

My face goes red, oh no, I hope Petra doesn't think we hooked up last night. I don't want any awkward tension with her. Not when we were just starting to get to know each other more. 

"We didn't do anything last night, right? I mean, I feel like I would remember if we did..." I trail off as Levi smirks at me, "If we had hooked up you would still be laying on the couch, unable to move, brat." He says as he flicks me hard on my forehead, making it pound even more. 

"True," I smirk back at him, "And who would ever be able to forget the sweet nothings you would have whispered to me like, 'I don't hate you as much as everyone else', 'You're not unattractive', 'You smell like you've showered somewhat recently', and then after everything, 'You're not the worst I've had." 

I notice Levi has stopped walking beside me, so I turn to look at him, only to see he is trying his best not to laugh. "Please stop." He says quietly, trying to compose himself. 

" 'I mean, it was sex, I guess... I wouldn't be disgusted if you wanted to do it again... I suppose.'" I continue, trying my best to imitate his usual monotone voice. 

"Pfft." Is all the laugh I get out of him, but I'll still take it. 

We reach the Mess Hall and it is almost full at this point. There are still a few spots open at the table my squad usually sits at. 

The table behind our's sits most of the other higher ups, including Mike, Erwin, Hange, Nanaba and Gelgar. I was shocked to see Hange seemed to be her usual self. Wasn't she the only one of us who passed out at the bar? How is she functioning right now? 

I briefly remember talking to Erwin last night, so when his eyes meet mine my face goes red immediately. He wants to talk to me about something after the expedition tomorrow. I was going to go crazy trying to figure out what he wanted to say. 

"So where did you disappear to last night?" Eren asks me as soon as I sit down. "Ahhh," I start, but I can't really remember, so I give Levi a pleading look. Maybe he can explain what happened to me after the bar. 

"She attempted to follow Petra and I back to base, but her clumsy idiot ass couldn't go upstairs, so she lied down on the grass and just gave up." Levi explains. I start laughing, "Yep, sounds like me." 

"Sasha was worried about you," Eren frowned at me, "She told me this morning you weren't in your room when she got back, and you weren't there this morning." I feel like Eren is about to lecture me like a parent. 

"She was in my room." Levi answered nonchalantly. I saw an angry expression cross Eren's face before he composed himself. "Why?" He ended up saying through clenched teeth. 

"What business is that of you's, brat?" Levi retorted. 

"Captain, if you say it like that people will get the wrong idea," I laugh nervously, "He was just being kind and making sure I was alright, Eren. The gods forbid anyone actually knowing Captain Levi is a nice person." 

Eren just stares down at his breakfast and doesn't say anything else on the subject. 

I look casually to my left to see Oluo with his head down on the table, food untouched. I seriously considered scaring him awake, but I suppose I can give him a break. He is probably hurting from the multiple losses as well as the alcohol. 

All of a sudden there was a bang on the table, startling Oluo out of his sleep. I look to see what the cause of the noise was, and it appeared to be Petra. She must have slammed her food trey on the table pretty hard. 

I raise my eyebrows at her, "Was that necessary? Most of us are still hungover." 

"Please, a hangover? " She laughed at me, her normal sweet and caring disposition has been replaced with something else, "I'm sure you slept just fine with the Captain tending to your every need." 

Petra made sure she was speaking loudly enough for other's in the area to hear. I didn't know that jealousy would change her like this. 

"Petra, I'm really not in the mood to argue with you, so just stop. You're only going to embarrass yourself." I warn her. I'm already not in a great mood today, and she does not want to push me now of all times. 

"That's why you followed us back, right?" She continues, other cadets were turning to listen into the conversation. They have probably never seen Petra freak out like this before, from another perspective I'm sure it is rather amusing. "You followed us so you could make sure you could get him to reject me and go after you." 

"Wait, wait. I think I've heard this one before, don't tell me.. Ugh, I can't remember the punchline." I say, feigning ignorance. 

"It's not a joke, (y/n)!" Petra raises her voice even more. 

Levi looks furious, I see him out of the corner of my eye trying to rein in his anger. I put my hand on his arm, trying to reassure him that I can handle Petra's jealous rage. 

"Petra, that doesn't make any sense," I sigh, "I may not remember parts from last night, but I do remember you were in a bad mood at the bar. So your issue with Levi popped up before you left the bar with him. I barely even spoke to him when we were there." 

Petra's face is growing redder and redder as her anger rises. She was about to argue more, but Oluo spoke up this time, "Petra, will you relax? She was basically with me the whole night. When did she have time to conspire with Levi to reject you?" 

Petra turns on him, "Now you're on her side? I thought if anyone would understand it would be you, Oluo!" 

I slam my fist on the table, startling both Petra and Oluo. I've had enough of this petty argument. "Petra, it's not my fault that Levi doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him. I can't believe you actually have to blame someone else, in order to justify in your mind as to why you were rejected." 

I stand up from the table getting ready to leave, "Maybe, just maybe, the issue is with you and not with me." I feel more exhausted than ever. I turn to leave the Mess Hall. I see Eren and Levi get up from the table, so I raise my hand at them, "Please, don't follow me." They respect my request and sit back down as I make my way out of the Mess Hall. 

First Oluo and now Petra? Relationship wise, things are not much different than what they are from when I was working under Laurie. People being petty and jealous over things I have no control over, it's so frustrating. 

I decide to go pop in and see Peter, I haven't seen him around recently. I am pretty nervous about my first expedition tomorrow, and I would just love to to sit and chat with him for awhile. 

I reach his office door and give it a quiet knock. I hear him invite me in and I greet him with a smile. "Hey Peter, I hope I'm not interrupting anything." 

Peter looks up at me, hazel eyes shining brightly, "There you are! I was hoping you would stop by before you die tomorrow." 

"Ouch! No faith at all, huh?" I laugh as I sit down across from him. "You know I wouldn't joke if I didn't know for sure if you were coming back. You're going to come back, I know it." He reassure me with a smile. 

"Do you have anything for a hangover?" I ask him hopefully. Peter gave me an amused look, "Have a little too much fun at the bar last night?" He stands up from his chair and goes to one of the cupboards to grab a couple pills and some water. 

"Well, from what I remember I had fun." I say as I reach for the pills and water. I smile my thanks as he puts the pills in my one hand, as my other hand reaches for the water. 

I grab it, but my hand jerks suddenly, causing me to drop the glass. I stare at my hand, frozen. As suddenly as the jerking happened, it stopped. 

Peter looks at me with concern, he goes to grab my hand but I pull away from him, "Sorry, I'm just dehydrated and hungry, so I just have the shakes a bit." I stand up and grab the glass I dropped, good thing it didn't break, and go get more water and clean up the water I spilt. 

"(Y/n)," Peter starts, but I interrupt him, "So how are the kids? I'm sorry I won't be able to see them before I leave." I smile at him nervously, hoping he won't persist. 

His shoulders sag a bit, but he allows me to change the subject, "Yeah, they ask about you everyday. Have you visited your house yet?" 

"Yeah, it brought back a lot of memories. Mac and I lived a few blocks down it. It was even the same layout." 

He face palms his forehead, "Shit, I didn't know that. Are you okay?" 

I laugh at his reaction, "I know you didn't know, but I'm fine. I had some weird flashbacks, but it's fine, I promise." He breathes a sigh of relief and sits back in his chair, "So, tell me about last night." 

"I kicked Oluo's ass in everything." I smile smugly. "Well obviously," Peter laughed, "But that's not what I was referring to." 

I give him a confused look, not really understanding what he means. 

"Were Levi and Erwin there?" Peter asks, studying me carefully. I narrow my eyes at him, "Yes... Why?" 

"Curious. I've never seen or heard of them spending more time with cadets than what is required of them." He says thoughtfully. 

I shrug my shoulders, "I guess they just wanted to let off some steam." 

"I don't think that was the reason." He retorts, smirking at me. 

"I know what you're implying," I chuckle, "But nothing happened with either of them. I just talked to Erwin and Levi helped me get back last night." 

"I thought you and Erwin weren't talking to each other." Peter said, giving me a confused look. 

"You knew about that?" I groan. "I'm pretty observant, (y/n). Especially when it come to you." He answers with a smile. 

"Erwin said he wanted to talk to me about something when we get back from the expedition." I say, trying not to make a big deal out of it. 

"And Levi helped you, huh?" 

"... Yes, but I'm sure he would have helped anyone that was in my state." 

"Oh (y/n)," Peter tutted at me, "You are so blind. I remember a time when Petra got too drunk, and when she came back to base, Levi refused to be anywhere near her. He hates dealing with drunk people." 

"Whatever, Peter." I wave off his insinuation, "Can we talk about something else now?" 

"Want to tell me what happened with your hand when I handed you that drink." Peter studies me seriously. 

"Nope, because there is nothing to talk about, Peter. I know you're used to dealing with my mother and her tremors, but just because my hand shook a little, it does not mean I have her illness." I say furiously to him. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I'm fine. I haven't had anything like this happen before, so I will just take it as me being dehydrated and hungry. 

"Okay," Peter raises his hands, "Don't shoot, you know I had to ask. But speaking of your family, you should let them see you before oh leave tomorrow." 

"Why? I'll be back before long; they won't even know I'm gone." I answer simply. I don't want them to worry about me, telling them will only cause them to worry needlessly. Plus my mother doesn't even know I'm in the scouts, telling her would be pointless since she would just forget I told her. 

Peter just sighs at me, not bothering to argue anymore since he knows he won't get through to me. "I should go, I wanted to stop at the library before heading off to a briefing with my squad." As I get up from my seat, Peter gets up too and pulls me into a hug," Don't be reckless, okay? I know you're good, but you don't have to prove it. Just follow instructions and do what is asked of you, nothing more." 

I nod and return his hug. I give him a final smile before I head out of his office, and make my way to the library. 

Author's POV 

Reiner and Bertolt were pacing down the halls of HQ, nervous for the upcoming expedition. They have not been able to pin point exactly where Eren is going to be in formation. They kept getting conflicting information from others they have tried asking casually. 

But it has been tough for them, they don't want to draw too much attention to themselves for trying to figure out where Eren is going to be. That will only cast suspicion on them, and everything will be ruined. 

"Maybe we could just ask Eren directly," Bertolt suggested to Reiner, "I'm sure he would tell us without being suspicious." 

"No," Reiner refused, "The higher ups are watching his every move, he may not suspect anything, but someone else might." 

They weren't only worried about being caught, but they were also worried about you. You're in Eren's squad after all, and when Annie shows up tomorrow, she will destroy anyone to get to Eren, that includes you too. 

They both like you a lot and want to do what they can to make sure you're okay. But in this scenario, it doesn't seem like they have a choice. At the end of the day, if you get between them and Eren, there's nothing they can do. 

"What about (y/n)?" Reiner asks, "She used to live in the capital right?" Maybe she has read about what's outside the walls. Maybe she'll be willing to come with us." 

"She doesn't remember everything," Bertolt argued, "We can't risk it." 

As they were rounding the corner they didn't realize you were also rounding the same one, and they bumped right into you. 

You were carrying a stack of books that went tumbling to the ground, "Shit," was all you muttered as you hurriedly tried to grab the books you dropped. 

"Sorry (y/n)," Bertolt apologized to you, cheeks very red at this point, "Let me help you with those." 

"It's okay," You smiled at the 2 guys, causing them to blush even more, "I got it." 

"Doing a lot of reading before tomorrow?" Reiner asked you, trying to peek at the titles. 

"Uh yeah," you say nervously, "Just doing some last minute Titan reading, you know how it is." 

Reiner gives you a confused look as he looks at some of the books you have in your arms, "Those are medical books..." 

You froze for a minute, "Uh yeah, well I thought I should also refresh my medical mind a bit. Just in case anyone needs me." 

"Are you okay?" Bertolt asks you, hearing the nervousness in your voice, "Are you scared about tomorrow?" 

"Yeah, but I'm sure everyone is a little nervous right?" 

"I suppose so," Reiner commented, "You'll be okay though right? I heard you guys were in the right flank up front." 

"Um, I believe we're centre rear in formation." You mumble in your haste to get away, "I really must be going, bye guys!" 

You didn't realize what you had done, who you just gave your position away to. You didn't mean to, but now they both knew.

But they didn't know for sure if you were telling the truth about your position or not. And even if they knew you were being honest, there was no way they would be able to see Annie before the expedition tomorrow. They will have to wait until tomorrow to give Annie the heads up. 

They hoped you would be okay though; you're smart and fast. But so is Annie, and you had no idea what you would be up against. 

Your POV 

I didn't want to read in the library, there were quite a few people there today. So I decide to bring them outside. It's a nice day out, and I have some time before my squad has to attend our final briefing. 

I flip through the medical books I grabbed from the library, trying to see if I could find anything about my mother's illness. I know it's a rare disease, but maybe there's something written down somewhere in these books about it. 

"(Y/n), what are you doing out here?" I jump when I hear Erwin's deep voice from behind me. 

"Nothing sir," I smile nervously, "Just enjoying the weather and doing some light reading." 

He looks at the rather large stack of books I have and laughs, "Light reading indeed." To my surprise he sat down next to me and grabbed one of the books, "Medical textbooks? Are you prepping for the expedition." 

"Uh yeah, of course! I want to be useful out there after all." I reply, putting the book I had in my hand down. 

"Has anyone told you you're a bad liar?" Erwin sighs at me, but gives me a small smile. 

"... Yes. But I am out of practice. I used to be good at in when I worked for Laurie." I reply, face going red in embarrassment. 

"What's troubling you?" Erwin asked me gently. 

"Please sir, it's nothing. You have enough going on without me unloading on you too." I try to reassure him. 

"Erwin," He corrects me, "And you are one of the best, if there is anything I can do to help you, I will." 

I pause at that. There's just something about Erwin that makes me want to tell him everything. Maybe it won't hurt to get his opinion. 

"Well, it's probably nothing but earlier I was talking to Peter and when he handed me a glass of water, my hand trembled a bit and I ended up dropping it." I explain as I stare down at my hands, "Tremors were an early symptom for my mother. I remember when I was little she broke many a plate and cup. Nothing was safe." 

I laugh a little at the memory, she would just say, 'Oops! clumsy me' and go about the rest of her day, not wanting me to worry about her. But thinking back on it, she must have been terrified; not being able to control your own body. It was too difficult for my father to deal with anyway. I don't remember much of him, but I do remember him screaming at my mother many times. He would say she's crazy and leave again for a few more years. 

"So, I'm doing my own research," I continue, looking around at the books I have by me, "I don't want to worry Peter or anyone else, especially since there really isn't a reason for them to panic yet." 

"What are we looking for?" Erwin asked me as he picks up one of the books I have laid out around me. "No, Erwin, it's fine really. I'm sure you have a ton of other much more important things to do than sit and read with me." I appreciate his kindness, but I can't ask for his help, not when tomorrow is a very important day. 

"I can't help you in any other way," He sighs, "You either have it of you don't. If it's the former, there isn't anything you can do. If it's the latter, there still really isn't anything you can do to help your mother. Either way you're going to feel helpless, and if digging through medical textbooks will help ease your mind, I want to help." 

As we flip through the pages, I notice Erwin stare at me out of the corner of his eye, giving me a weird expression. Kind of like he wants to say something, but doesn't know if he should or not. 

"Ask me." I laugh, startling him a little. 

"I shouldn't," He said, looking away from me again, "It's not my place." 

"It's better than you staring at me out of the corner of your eye, and it's obviously bothering you. So go on, you have my permission." I smile at him, waiting for his question. 

"When Levi took you to his room to look after you, he didn't do anything, did he?" Erwin asked nervously.

I was a bit surprised, I thought if anyone would defend Levi it would be Erwin. "No, Levi wouldn't do that," I answer, "I may not remember everything from last night, but that I can be sure of." 

Erwin looks relieved and he gives me a genuine smile, which makes me blush and look back down at the open book on my lap. 

"(Y/n)," It was a woman's voice calling for me this time. I look behind me and I can see Petra walking across the grass to where Erwin and I are sitting. 

"What now?" I let out an exasperated sigh, what the hell does she want now? 

"Can I please speak with you?" Petra asks tentatively, clearly nervous about approaching me. 

Erwin stands up to let us speak privately. Petra salutes him politely before he walks off into HQ. Petra sits down next to me, in the spot Erwin just left.

She doesn't speak right away, just stared down at her fingers, pulling on them nervously. "Petra, I'd you're going to speak, speak. I don't have the patience to deal with you right now." I say as I let out an impatient sigh. 

"Sorry," Petra said nervously, finally looking at me, "I just wanted to apologize for my behaviour earlier. I've always been pretty jealous of your relationship with Levi." 

"We don't have a relationship," I roll my eyes at her, "He's my superior, I'm his subordinate. That's our relationship, same as you." 

Petra smiles at me sadly, "Maybe for now, but I can tell he feels something for you and I can tell you feel something for him too. I guess I just get frustrated when I see you 2 just having a casual conversation, both of you avoiding the obvious." 

I let her words sink in. Do I have feelings for Levi? I certainly respect him as my superior, and do consider him to be a friend as well. But do I feel anything past that? 

"It's okay," Petra says gently, watching me closely, "I know you don't really like to talk about your past, especially Malcolm. But from what you have told me about him, I don't think he would mind if you moved on." 

"You sound like Peter's ex-wife," I comment, "It's not that I feel guilty or anything. I just prefer to keep people at a distance when it comes to personal relationships. Many men and had feelings for me when I worked in the capital, that was my job essentially. I suppose it's just a hard transition to make, letting myself feel such emotions again. But Levi isn't the only one I find myself thinking about." 

Petra nodded, "Commander Erwin, right?" 

"Yeah," I admit, "I like both of them, more than I would like to admit even to myself." 

"Well, you're in a good position," Petra laughed, a little sadly, "I think those are the only men on base who have never shown any kind of interest toward anyone. You're definitely someone special to them." 

"I'm sorry, Petra," I say to her, "If I've hurt you indirectly, I apologize for it." 

"No, it's okay," She says as she puts her hand on mine, "I'll be fine, I finally have the confirmation I need to move on. Now, it's almost time for our last briefing! I'll help you carry your books, let's go." 

I nod at her as she helps pile up the books I brought outside, and helped me carry them back to the library. 

Author's POV 

By the end of the day, everyone knew their jobs, but only a few knew the real reason for the expedition. You spent much of your time working with and joking around with the members of your squad. 

You were blissfully unaware of the hidden plot going on among the warriors from outside the wall. And the true nature of the expedition. 

Levi and Erwin watched over you carefully, afraid of what may happen tomorrow. Neither one of them could stand the thought of losing you, and it worried them. 

But it doesn't matter, everything will go the way it will go, despite their best efforts to protect you. You're a solider at heart, and you'll do whatever you think is best, no matter the cost to yourself. 

Going to bed that night, your thoughts wandered to those who you have gotten pretty close with. Eren, the hot headed Titan boy who's passion is almost palpable. The rest of the members of your squad, who you have joked with, drank with and trained with. 

Eld and Gunter have been like big brothers to you, helping you out whenever they could, and scolding you whenever you needed it. 

Petra, who feels more like a sister to you. Even after the argument, you can't stay mad at her. Especially when she apologized as sincerely as she did, she really wants what's best for you, and you for her. 

Even Oluo, the man who exposed your secret to everyone else on base. But he has been doing everything he can to make up for it, and you appreciate it. 

Levi and Erwin, you know you have strong feelings for the 2 men, and you're worried about what may happen to them. Even though they are amongst the most capable soldiers there are, there will always be that little bit of fear in the back of your mind. 

Sasha, your roommate and friend. Annoying with her senseless chatter at times, even trying to pick certain food items off your plate when you're not looking. But you love her like a little sister. 

The rest of Eren's friends you met over the course of your time there so far. You've become especially close with Armin because of your mutual love of learning and reading. You've also become pretty close with Reiner and Bertolt too. You think they're kind and very capable soldiers. 

But they aren't soldiers. To their core, they are warriors, and they have a plan that must be carried out. No matter their personal feelings for you, or anyone else in the scout. They have a job to do, and they must see it through.


	20. Chapter 20: The Expedition

(Warning: things are going to get a little gross and gory) 

Your POV 

I was barely paying attention to Erwin's speech, my adrenaline was going and I couldn't concentrate on anything. 

I look around at all the determined faces around me, everyone looked ready for a fight and that's what we are going to get. 

I see Eren looking around too and he locks his eyes on me. He smiles at me and nods as I do the same. I hear Erwin shout '57th expedition', and before long we were off. 

Making our way out of the confides of wall Rose from Karanes District to Shiganshina District. Supporting squads were already on their way to the sides of formation to help with any incoming titans. 

The fear was gone from me, this is what I have been waiting for. I want to get my hands on as many titans as I can. I feel my heart pounding in my chest, my (e/c) eyes widen as I take in all my surroundings. 

I see flares go up every once in awhile, and Erwin responding with his own to direct our positions. But it almost seems like things are going a little too smoothly. I haven't seen any titans yet. Something doesn't feel right, and I can't quite put my finger on it. 

After a little while, we notice that there hasn't been any flares coming from the right flank, where we had noticed flares from them before. Odd, that's supposed to be where the titans are, right? We should definitely be seeing more flares from them. 

My stomach sank when a thought crosses my mind, what if they are being overrun? I bite my lip as I consider that possibility. 

We see a lone rider coming from that direction, it looks like he has blood on him. But it seems to be steaming and disappearing, so it has to be titan blood. 

"Captain Levi! The frontal right flank is being wiped out, pass the message along!" The man shouted at Levi. 

"Petra, go let Commander Erwin know." Levi says to Petra. She nodded and made her way over to where Erwin is in formation. 

"I'll come with you." I tell the man before he turns his horse around to leave. "No." I hear Levi shout as I turn to follow the man. 

"Sir, you told me I could be a runner if other squads need me. So I'm going." It wasn't up for discussion, whether he likes it or not, I'm going to help no matter what he says. 

"(L/N)! GET BACK HERE NOW! (Y/N)!" I hear Levi yell after me, but there is nothing he can say. If there are still people left they may need medical help.

As I follow the scout I take a quick look at my saddle bags. I have some medical supplies, not a lot, but enough to get someone severely injured to a medical wagon. I hope I have enough to deal with a fair amount of people, but I may have to get creative. 

We slow down when we get to an area with a bunch of steaming titan corpses, but the ground was littered by even more human bodies. Almost none of the bodies I see are intact, most missing arms or legs, some missing entire lower bodies, others missing their entire upper bodies. 

I scan the area as best I can, but I see no survivors anywhere. "This way!" The scout I was following calls. I look in the direction he is pointing, there are a bunch of titans and some more scouts. 

We gallop over to them, once we get closer I start standing up in my saddle, ready to deploy my anchors. The scout with me did the same, and we were off. 

My anchors attack to the back of a 10m titan who has a scout in its grasp. I slice its nape and maneuver my way around to catch the female scout the Titan was holding. She was crying and her eyes were shut tight. She was taller than me of course, but I was able to hang onto her without straining. "Cadet! It's okay, I've got you!" I shout at her, and she finally opens her eyes. 

She hugs me, "Thank you." 

"No time for that, if you're able I need your help, let's go." I urge her to follow me as we make our way to the other titans. 

There were about 15 cadets still alive when we got there. 8 of them were still able to fight and were zipping around with their ODM gear. The other 7 were sitting or lying down on the ground. Those were the ones who were injured or in shock. 

There was about 12 titans left and the other cadets were really struggling. The titans ranged from 4m to 12m. I tried to help the best I could, despite my best efforts, I couldn't be everywhere. Only 5 cadets were left other than myself. 

I walk around trying to find any other survivors among the bodies, but I wasn't having any luck. The scout I followed here still stuck with me, and the other 4 survivors had mounted back up on horses and rushed to other squads to warn them about what happened. 

I don't have much for medical supplies anymore. I had to patch up some minor injuries in a hurry for a couple of them. I only have some bandages left and a little bit of the alcohol solution to help prevent infections. 

I hop back on my horse, disappointed I couldn't save more people. "Hey," The cadet says to me, "Don't look like that, we did all we could." 

"What's your name?" I ask him, I've seen him around base before, but I don't do a lot of mingling so I don't know a lot of their names. "Johnathon," He answered me, "And you're (y/n)." 

I nod and turn to head back to my squad when I think I hear a faint voice. "Hang on." I mumble to Johnathon. I squeeze my horses sides with my heels for him to go a little faster. The closer I get to the sound I can hear, "Help." 

I came up to an old houses that seems to have collapsed during the battle with the titans. I go around the other side, and I can see a male cadet who's leg seems to be trapped under the ruins of the house. 

"Johnathon!" I call to the other cadet who wasn't too far behind me, "I found someone!" He rushes over to me and gives me a wary look when he sees the man's trapped leg. "What are we going to do?" He asks, "We don't have enough supplies to help with this kind of injury." 

I study the man trapped under the house. If I cut his leg off I don't have enough bandages to adequately stop major blood loss. I can't use clothing, that's just asking for a major infection. 

I look around helplessly, think think think (y/n). Be resourceful, what can you use? I look up and see another 12m titan stumbling around the battle field; it hasnt appeared to have noticed us yet. 

Seeing the titan, I think back to training with my squad. When we were doing experiments with Eren's titan form, I remember him growing just a titan arm when he went to reach for various objects. Most of the time the arm would form incompletely, leaving out layers of skin only leaving the muscle exposed. When Hange would examine the arm, sometimes she would touch it without thinking and screech in pain. Apparently, under the layer of skin, the exposed muscle burns very hot. Especially if it is a bigger titan. 

When you kill regular titans, their corpses steam for varying amounts of time depending on their height, before they disappear. 

Could the muscle be too hot for bacteria to thrive on it? Maybe there will be less of a chance for him to develop an infection if I used the titan to help stop the man from bleeding out. 

"I have an idea," I whisper to Johnathon, "It may sound a little crazy, but hear me out." Johnathon turns to look at me, giving me his full attention, but also keeping an eye on the titan in the distance. 

"The titan's bodies burn very hot after we kill them, hence all the steam coming off their bodies. But when my squad did experiments with Eren, the muscle underneath burns even hotter. If I lure that titan over here, cut off a limb or two, to expose the muscle, kill it and before it vaporizes, cut off the cadet's leg and cauterize his leg using the extreme heat the titan's body emits." 

"Are you fucking insane, (y/n)?" He asked me furiously. "Probably, but that doesn't mean it can't work. But if you don't agree, offer me another solution." I answer him quietly. 

I look down to see the reaction of the cadet trapped under the house. He looked terrified, but also determined. "What is your name, cadet?" I ask him. "Oliver." He answered me as I lower myself to be closer to his level. 

"Oliver, do you want to live?" I want it to be his choice. Some of the cadets I tried to help were in so much pain and their injuries so severe, they asked me to just let them die. I would still try to reason with them, but they would fight me on it. It's Oliver's body, and I won't mutilate it against his wishes. 

"What are the chances I'll survive?" Oliver asks me quietly. "Well, if we leave you here, you'll die. If we cut off your leg and try to use the limited supplies I have, you'll either bleed out or get a severe infection and die. If we go through with my plan, than you may live." I answer him honestly. 

He looks up at me, tears building up in his eyes. "I want to see my family." I grab his hand and squeeze it gently, "I'm not going to lie, the pain will be unbearable, but hopefully, you'll pass out from the pain. I'm going to do my best to get you home, do you understand?" 

Oliver nods and let's go of my hand, "Okay." He replied. ".... This is crazy." Is all Johnathon can seem to say. 

I grab a stick from the ground beside me and hand it over to Oliver, "Bite down on this." He nods and puts it in his mouth. 

I stand up and grab Johnathon's hands, "Do you want to cut his leg off, or do you want to lure the titan?" I ask him. 

"I'll cut the leg." He answers shakily. I give him a nod, "Okay, but you have to do it either right before or immediately after I kill the titan. You have to be fast or the corpse will vaporize and Oliver will bleed out. Carry him over to the titan so we can cauterize his stump to stop the bleeding." Johnathon looks pale, but he nods and kneels down next to Oliver. 

I hop on my horse and ride closer to the titan and whistle to get its attention. The titan immediately makes its way toward me, huge teeth grinning down at me, matted brown hair swaying from side to side as it approaches me. 

I turn my horse and run back toward Johnathon and Oliver. I only have one shot at this, it has to be perfect, and maybe with a little bit of luck we can pull this off. 

I stop my horse when we are several meters from where the two me are, and I deploy my anchors into the titan. I go for its legs first, doing a spin move, copying Levi's signature move to cut both its legs off. 

"Now!" I yell to Johnathon as I make my way up to the titan's nape before it has a chance to regenerate its legs. I slice its nape and it stops struggling to grab me. I look up to see how close Johnathon is with Oliver, but to my dismay, Oliver is still attached to the leg stuck under the house. 

I growl and quickly make my way over to him, there is no time for this, it has to happen now before the titan's body disappears. I wanted to yell and scream at Johnathon for wasting time, but, ironically, that would also be a waste of time. 

I reach the men, raise my right blade and brought it down hard and fast, cutting through Oliver's leg. The stick in his mouth does little to dull his screams. "Let's go!" I yell at Johnathon, to shake him out of whatever daze he is in, and he helps me lift Oliver as we run over to the still steaming titan corpse. 

When we reach it, we go directly to the exposed muscle and bone that is left where its legs used to be. 

Without preparing Oliver before hand, we press his stump against the steaming hot surface and hold it there long enough to burn the vessels and stop him from bleeding out. I wanted to throw up at the smell of burning flesh along with the inhuman screams that came from Oliver. 

We got there just in time, the titan started to disappear but the job was already done. Oliver has finally passed out thankfully, probably the best thing to happen to him all day. 

I leave Oliver with Johnathon as I whistle for my horse and grab the few bandages I had left, along with the alcohol solution I had. Johnathon holds Oliver's stump up for me to wrap. All he had left was half of his thigh, everything below was gone. 

I pour the solution over what remains of his leg, it's not pretty, but he has a good chance of survival if we can keep infections out. I clean the area as best I can and wrap it up as much as I can. At least he's not bleeding or screaming anymore. 

"Can you hold him up while I get my horse?" Johnathon asks me nervously, not knowing if I could bear Oliver's weight, even for a short period. "Just go." I tell him as he leans Oliver on me. I grit my teeth as I try to keep him up right. 

As Johnathon calls his horse, Oliver stirs and starts to come back into consciousness. "Oliver," I say quietly to him, "I know it's difficult, but I need your help to get you on Johnathon's horse, do you think you can do that?" He nods weakly and continues to moan in pain. 

Johnathon rides over and slides back on the saddle to make room for Oliver in front of him. Oliver raises his hands to grab the saddle and onto Johnathon's outstretched hand. I push up on Oliver as he and Johnathon pull, and with a lot of effort he makes it shakily onto the saddle. 

"Get him to Hange, she has the nearest medical wagon." I say to Johnathon as I get ready to whistle for my horse. 

"Thank you for not leaving me there." I hear Oliver say, barely above a whisper. "Every life matters, Oliver. Now stay alive, you have family that is waiting for you." I smile up at him. 

"(Y/n), I'm sorry, I froze... I'm so sorry," Johnathon stuttered to me, but I raise my hand to silence him, "It's okay, I understand." 

I turn to look for my horse, but Johnathon speaks up again, "(y/n), thank you. All of us probably would have died if you hadn't have come." He says as he wraps his arms around Oliver to take hold of the reins. 

"It's my job, now go, get out of here. There is no telling how many titans are still over here." 

He nods at me and he and Oliver take off. I finally whistle for my horse and hop on, time to head back to my squad to be yelled at. 

I only wish I could have saved more people. The ones who wanted to be left alone, I should have forced my help on them. But I also don't feel it's my place to go against their wishes. Most of them probably wanting me to not use my very limited medical supplies on someone who doesn't have a good chance of survival. 

I can see flares go up every once in awhile, among them were quite a few black ones. Seems like an abnormal is causing some issues. 

It took me awhile to try and figure out where my squad is. Our course seems to have changed quite a bit since I left my squad. But finally I see them and quickly made my way over to them. 

"(Y/n)! You're back!" Eren greets me happily. I smile at him and take my place back in formation. "How were things over there?" Eld asked from behind me, "Bad," I answer grimly, "Only 6 people got out alive, for now anyway. Who knows what we'll run into next." 

"You shouldn't have gone, (y/n). I told you not to." Levi mutters without looking back at me. 

"Yeah, then those people would have died!" I growl at him, "I'm not going to apologize to you for doing my job, sir. You and I agreed in the field, if other squads need me I can go to help reduce casualties. And that's what I did. You don't get to just change your mind." 

To my relief, Levi didn't argue further and we continued on. "What are we doing?" I ask as I notice we're approaching a forest of giant trees. 

No one answers, but my other squad members look uneasy too. I stay silent as we make our way into the forest of giant trees. What is going on? This wasn't apart of the plan, was it? I mean I guess it's easier deploying ODM gear, but visibility isn't great. 

I hear some arguing amongst my squad, but I'm not paying much attention. I feel goosebumps all over my body, and my senses are heightened. Something is coming, and it's making us all uneasy. 

All of a sudden I hear thunderous footsteps behind us. I whip my head around to see a very odd looking titan. All titans I've seen resemble male bodies without sex organs, but this titan is clearly female. 

As I stare in awe at the strange titan, I see other scouts flying around her trying to slow her down or stop her. But the titan seems to have no interest in any of them. She doesn't eat then or anything, just swats them away like flies. 

Strange... Even for an abnormal, I feel like this kind of behaviour is unheard of. Wait... Could she be another titan shifter like Eren? That could make sense, I have no evidence to back the theory, but I feel I've read about something like this before... But I can't quite remember.... 

"Everyone, cover your ears!" I hear Levi shout out as he raises his flare gun. We do what he asks, and a piercing sound is released that makes me grit my teeth. 

It's not long after that we hear a bunch of what sounded like gunshots. We whip our heads around to see the female titan with a bunch of harpoons shooting into her body, stopping her in her tracks. 

I hear other members in my squad laugh with relief and scold Eren for not trusting them. I must have missed that conversation, I was too distracted by the bizarre titan to listen to any conversations going on around me. 

"(Y/n), come with me." I hear Levi call to me as he takes off from his horse. I give him a weird look, but take off after him. He lands on one of the large trees close to the female titan, as Erwin gives the order to fire again. 

"Any trouble?" Erwin asks Levi as we land next to him. "There were a lot of scouts that made it possible for us to lure the titan here, it's because of them that we were able to capture her." 

Erwin nods and looks at me, "Are you okay, (y/n)? You look a little pale." 

"Uh," I start, but I'm interrupted by Hange pulling me into a hug, "There she is!" She laughed as she twirled around with me. 

"Let her to, shitty glasses." Levi snarls at her as she put me down, "Oh, was she telling you guys about the man she saved using a Titan corpse?" She asked excitedly 

"What are you talking about?" Levi glared at her, "Don't praise her, she went off when I ordered her not to." 

"What happened?" Erwin asked me, crossing his arms sternly. My mind was going crazy, I can't get the female titan out of my head, and other possible titan shifters. I can't seem to form a coherent answer, so Hange answered for me. 

"One of the men (y/n) saved, Oliver, is in my wagon. Johnathon told me his leg was trapped under a fallen house, and (y/n) didn't have an adequate amount of supplies to stop the bleeding after cutting off his leg. So she used a steaming hot Titan corpse to cauterize the stump! Brilliant!" 

The 2 men looked at me with stunned faces, "I had to be resourceful," I mumble uncomfortably as they continue to stare at me, "Enough about that, I only did what I had to. You knew about the female titan before the expedition, didn't you?" 

The three of them nod their heads at me, "Does it trigger any memories for you?" Hange asked me hopefully, but looked at me with concern. 

"I don't know I-" I pause and clutch at my head as I sit myself down on the branch, "Attack, founding, female, colossal, armour... Why am I remembering these words? What does it mean? I can't remember." As I close my eyes I can see I'm in a library, but I don't know who's it is. There is a book open on the table, and I can see pictures of odd looking titans in it. 

I see a man being held down on the table I was sitting at with the book. A guard is holding a knife above the man. I can hear the man scream my name, but I can't do anything, I'm frozen. I see the guard smirk at me as he has the man pinned down, and he brings the knife down and sliced off one of the man's hands. 

"(Y/n)!" I hear Hange as she shakes me out of my daze. "Sorry," I mumble to her, "I thought I was remembering something..." 

"Oh! What was it? Something to do with the female titan? Any other titans? Hmmm?" She asks, lowering her face closer to mine. 

"Hange, let her be, don't push her." Erwin warns her. 

"Come on, shitty glasses, let's get the bitch out of the Titan." Levi sighs as he pulls Hange off the tree and head to the trapped female titan. 

"If she is from the scouts, would it not be better for her to just take Eren while we are still on base? Or did she have to wait for an expedition to transform into a titan in order to ensure his capture? Is she acting alone or does she have accomplices too?" I ponder out loud while watching Levi and the other scouts try to slice through the female titan, but having no success. 

"It's possible," Erwin mumbles quietly, "There is still so much we don't know, only theories right now. Oh, and well done for saving those cadets." 

"It wasn't that many," I sigh sadly, "If I had gotten there sooner I could have saved more lives. I should have headed over there when I saw how frequently they were setting off flares." 

Erwin puts his hand on my shoulder, "But without you, I doubt any would have survived. That has to count for something." 

I smile up at him, "Thanks Erwin." 

All of a sudden there is a loud screeching noise. I cover my ears and look at the female titan, the sound seems to be coming from her. 

The screeching ended and we all froze, what the hell was that about? Then we hear loud rumbling from all around us, it was more titans. They all ran straight to the female titan and started surrounding her. 

I immediately jump off the tree and try to help my fellow scouts protect the female titan as best we can. But it becomes evident pretty quickly that there are just too many titans, and we have to abandon the mission. 

Levi and I land back on the tree and wait for further instructions from Erwin. "Just who exactly are we dealing with?" He mumbles, more to himself than to us, "She would rather have herself cannibalized by titans than to let herself be exposed." 

"Are we heading back now?" I ask Erwin. He looks at me with a worried look and nods, "Yes," I turn to jump off the tree and head in the direction of my squad, but Erwin stops me, "You're going to Hange's squad." 

I turn back around to face him, "What? Why? I'm going to go meet up with my squad." I say defiantly. 

"No, you're going with Hange. She may need help with wounded." Erwin argued, putting his foot down. 

"But sir, I-" 

"Do what you're told, brat. You have a direct order from your commander. Go." Levi interrupts me. 

I know I can't argue with them, so I just glare at them and take off in the direction Hange went not long ago. What's their problem? The female titan is after Eren, my place should be with my squad, helping to defend him. 

As I'm still making my way away from the men, I turn my head to make sure I'm out of their site. When I realize I am, I change my direction to the area I know my squad is in. 

We're retreating all the way back to the wall, I'm sure Hange can handle any injured scouts herself. Now that I know the true meaning of this expedition, my priority is Eren. 

I swing from tree to tree keeping my eyes peeled for my squad or anyone suspicious. Eventually I see my squad beginning to make their way out of the forest. 

"(Y/n)!" Petra smiles with relief when she sees me pull up by them, "What happened? Why are we retreating?" 

"The capture didn't really go as they planned," I explain to her, "The female titan was able to call other titans to her, and in the madness she was able to escape." 

"Where's Captain Levi?" I hear Oluo ask me. "He should join us soon, I'm sure he took off not long after me." 

I am a little worried about the lecture I will get when he finds out I disobeyed his and Erwin's orders. But whatever, I'll deal with it later. 

"That must be him." I hear one of my squad mates shout as a flare gun goes off not too far from our location. So we fire a flare in response, letting him know what our position is. 

We change course a little bit to meet up with Levi faster. But I have a sinking feeling in my gut, and everywhere else in my body is screaming for me to stop, that something is not right. 

"Hey guys," I start, but I'm interrupted, "Gunter!" I hear someone shout as I stop and look towards Gunter. 

He was dangling lifelessly by his ODM gear, blood dripping from his almost severed head. I stop dead in my tracks for a moment, then make my way over to a shocked Eren. 

"It's not Levi, it's the female titan, GO!" I yell at my squad. I push Eren in front of me and get ready to defend him with the rest of my squad. We stare helplessly as the hooded person transforms back into the female titan, and starts charging at us full tilt. 

"We aren't going to out run her, there's no way." Oluo says from behind me. 

"Let me fight her," Eren shouts from in front of us, "I can take her." 

"No Eren, we do not give you permission to transform!" Petra yelled back at him, "We can take her, I thought you said you trusted us!" 

"I do." Eren says after a brief pause. 

"(Y/n), go with Eren, protect him! Leave the female titan to us veterans!" Oluo says as he taps me on the shoulder, "Get him out of here." 

"No! I can -", I started, but Oluo speaks over me, "Oh no! You don't get to take credit for this too! I'm going to defeat that bitch, and then you'll have to forgive me, right?" He laughs nervously. 

He gives me a determined smile and slows down to join Eld and Petra, "Oluo!" I call after him, "I do forgive you!" He nods and gives me one final smile and joins in with the others. 

"Come on, Eren!" I yell at him, "And don't look back!" 

I keep my distance slightly behind Eren, looking back occasionally on the others and their progress with the female titan. 

I smirk as I see they have her on the ground and back against a tree, nape exposed. Come on guys, you got this. 

I look forward again, but after I turn my head I hear Petra and Oluo scream for Eld. I turn my head back around as the female titan spits out the upper half of Eld's body. 

"Petra! Oluo! Go, get out of there!" I scream at them. Fighting her is hopeless, she's too powerful and far more advanced than Eren is with his titan form. 

But it's no use, the female titan gets up and charges at Petra. I can't look, I can't watch them die. "Eren! Come on, go! Don't let their sacrifice mean nothing!" 

My words can't reach him, he is far beyond listening to reason as he watches Petra and Oluo die. "Eren don't!" But it's too late, he's already bitting down on his hand and makes his way to meet with the Female titan. 

I turn around and chase after him, trying over and over again to get his attention, but it's no use. He is in a blind rage and there is nothing I can say to get through to him. 

I can't just stand and watch though, I need to help him somehow. It's even more dangerous to get involved when it's 2 intelligent titans going at it. I can easily be killed if I get caught in the middle. But I don't care, reason is out the window for me now too, and all I feel is anger. 

As her hands are busy fighting Eren off, I try going for her nape. But she seems to notice me there, and covers it with one hand. With one less hand to contend with, Eren was able to throw a punch to her face, stunning her a little. 

I decide to go for her legs, maybe I can slow her down and make her a little more vulnerable to Eren. 

The female titan is getting pummelled by Eren. I smirk at her as I zip closer to her legs. But as I got closer to her again, I saw her eyes were on me and not on Eren. Before I could stop she grabbed me with the hand that was covering her nape. 

I can feel my ribs breaking as she squeezes the life out of me. Instead of squishing me to death, she threw me against a tree farther away from where they were fighting. Once she got rid of me, her full attention is back on Eren again. 

My back hits the tree hard and I start falling down down down, hitting branches on my way which helped to slow my decent. Then nothing only darkness and silence.


	21. Chapter 21: Alone

Time skip, a few hours later 

Your POV 

(Flashback)

I’m lying in a small bed, nice soft warm blankets are wrapped tightly around me. I hum happily to myself, enjoying the quiet of my small room. 

I can here mama in the kitchen washing dishes. I loved listening to mama do chores, it always soothes me for some reason. I love her quiet reassuring presence as I drift off to sleep. 

I hear my door open. It can’t be mama, she always knocks on the door no matter what. “Get up, (y/n).” It’s a man’s voice, I feel like I have heard it before. But I don’t answer him, I’m too scared. 

“She’s just a little girl, Seth!” I can hear my mama rushing toward my bedroom. 

“I don’t care! She needs to learn now, or men from all over this shit hole will be lining up to kidnap and rape her. Is that what you want, Laney?!” I hear the man yell at my mama. 

I keep my eyes shut tight, refusing to look at the man, somehow believing that maybe if I didn’t look at him he would leave me alone. 

“Open your eyes, (y/n)! Stop being scared, you have to face things head on! Now get up! Get up now if you want to survive!” 

“Stop it! She’s only 5!” I hear mama cry. “It doesn’t matter! No matter what, down here you have to fight everyday of your life!” The man yells at mama, he’s scary. 

“Now, up child! You want to live don’t you? Then learn to fight! Learn to survive, (y/n)! No daughter of mine is going to just give up. If that’s the way you’re going to act when you’re scared, you might as well die now!” 

(End of flashback)

My eyes slowly flutter open and I’m staring up at the huge trees, leaves blowing softly in the wind. Where am I? What am I doing here? Why are the trees so tall? Where is my squad? Levi? Erwin? 

Then it all comes rushing back to me. Everyone on my squad is dead. Is Eren dead too? What happened? How long have I been lying here? 

I try to sit up, but my body screams for me to stay still. Every time I try to breathe I feel my ribs protest. I must have broken several ribs. I fell from a decent height, I should check to see if I broke any bones in my limbs. 

I move my arms first, as well as my fingers. I can move them fine, they are bruised, but nothing is broken. 

Now for my legs, immediately I feel pain shoot up and down my left leg. Shit, broken probably. I have to take a look at it, if bone has broken skin, I’m done for. 

It’s impossible to ignore the pain in my ribs, but I grit my teeth and sit myself up against the tree I fell beside. The effort made me breathe heavier, which my broken ribs were not pleased with. 

I sit against the tree and steady my breathing before I try and look at my leg. Honestly, I’m scared to look. I grab the knife I keep strapped to my thigh to cut through my left pant leg. 

I carefully cut the material away, giving me a better look at my leg. To my relief no bone was sticking out of my skin, that’s good at least. There doesn’t seem to be any nicked blood vessels either. I’m pretty lucky considering the circumstances. There is an ugly lump sticking out were the broken bone of my tibia is threatening to break free of the safety on my skin. 

Next I slowly unbutton my shirt to get a look at my upper body. I have bruising all around my ribs, yep definitely some broken ribs. 

I sigh and look at my surroundings. There is no one around, that’s bad. But there are no titans in the area, that’s good at least. What happened after I blacked out? Did Eren defeat the female titan? 

Did everyone leave without me, figuring I was with Hange like I was supposed to be? They probably won’t notice until they make it back to the walls. By then it will be too late. Higher ups are not going to let people come out and look for me, and they would be right. 

They can’t send out a search party into hostile territory to find one girl, who will probably already be assumed dead since she is stuck in titan territory. 

Well, I’m not going down without a fighting chance. First things first, I have to set the bone in my leg. I’ve had to do it for others, but never to myself, so this should be fun. 

What am I going to use to splint my leg with? Come on (y/n), you can figure this out, be resourceful remember? 

I suppose I could cut a couple straight and thick branches off one of these trees. But what am I going to use to hold them there and stabilize my leg? 

My belts! I can use my belts to straighten my leg and keep it in the right position. But I need to move out of this position first, I’m far too exposed to titans here. At least I didn’t break my more dominant right leg; my right leg is always the one I use to slow down and stop on my ODM gear. 

My body is not going to like this, but I have no choice. Humans did used to live here before wall Maria was breeched, so there may be a house nearby I can stay in. 

But what about after that? After I set my leg, how am I going to get back to the walls? I can’t use ODM gear since there is nothing to attach the anchors to once I leave the forest. I’ll have to keep on the look out for any surviving horses. The odds of that happening are slim to none, but I can’t think of any other way. 

I don’t have a lot of gas left in my canisters, so I can’t waste too much time. As much as my body refuses, I force myself to stand using my blades. I almost fall right back down, the pain in my broken leg was just too much. 

I quickly deploy my anchors to trees that are close together, so I can move a bit slower. The belts squeeze against my broken ribs, but I grit my teeth and do my best to ignore it. If you don’t find shelter and fix yourself, you are going to die (y/n), you can do this. 

I look around me as I swing from tree to tree, looking for anyone else. I see a lot of blood in the area, but no bodies. I recognize one area where my squad mates were killed. The female titan really did throw me quite far. 

I was distracted by the scene and I wasn’t paying attention to a titan that was coming toward me. It grabbed onto one of my cables, jerking me back hard, and the pain is so bad that I can’t see straight. I let out a weak cry of anger at the 10m titan’s grinning face. “Come on then, fucker! I’ll fucking kill you!” I must have been a very intimidating site indeed. 

A short girl with broken ribs and a broken leg, dangling from one cable, as the Titan still has hold of the other, screaming at the Titan. Yep, terrifying indeed. 

Just before the Titan reaches up to grab me, another Titan grabs it and bites at the nape to kill it. I was half expecting to see it was Eren’s Titan, but it wasn’t. It was the female titan. 

“You.” I glare at her, “YOU FUCKING BITCH! I’LL KILL YOU!” 

The female titan just stares at me, “What are you waiting for?! Finish the job!” I’m not able to get enough air in my lungs with my ribs complaining, so I can’t yell the way I want to. 

She blinks at me a few more times, then turns and starts to make her way out of the forest. “Get back here! If you don’t finish me off here I’m going to kill you, bitch! Do you hear me?! You’re dead!” 

I’ve never been this angry before. The pain all over my body and the confusing interaction with the female titan is making me furious. I can feel angry tears leaking from my eyes. No. I can’t let my body lose too much water, I don’t know if I’ll be able to find any fresh water here. 

I try to calm myself down, still dangling from my one cable still attached to the tree. The other cable retracted after the Titan let go of it after the female titan killed it. Why did she save me? 

I don’t have time to think about that, I need to look for shelter. I continue along as slowly as the ODM gear would allow me to. I come across another area where there is a lot of blood, but no human bodies, only a few dead horses. 

I lower myself down to check the left over saddle bags to see if anyone left any food or water behind. I slowly and painfully limp over to them, trying to keep my left leg as still as possible while leaning on my blades. 

Looks like only one horse has saddle bags still attached to it. I felt horrible for the poor horses, they don’t ask for any of this. We force them to do this, and a lot of them get killed in the process. “I’m sorry.” I murmur to the dead horse and look into the saddle bag. 

Yes! There is a bottle of water! But as I lift it up I realize it is only about half full. It’s better than nothing though. I rummage through the rest of it just in case, but there is nothing else. 

So I grit my teeth and take off slowly again, keeping my eyes peeled for shelter. Then I see it. A small cabin to my left. I plant my anchors into the closest tree to the house, and slowly lower myself to the ground. 

I very slowly make my way to the little cabin, pleading to my body not to give up yet. It hurts so much, but I’m so close. 

I reach the door and open it slowly. I see a dusty bed in the corner and a table with a few chairs, but nothing really else. Works for me. 

As soon as I’m inside and close the door, my only good leg gives up, sending me tumbling to the ground. I land on my back and hit my broken leg against the floor, causing me so much pain I pass out. 

(Flashback) 

“Get up, (y/n)!” I hear my father snarl at me as I look up at him, wiping blood from the side of my mouth. 

“That was a cheap shot you asshole!” I yell at him, “You distracted me on purpose!” 

He doesn’t wait for me to get up. He lunges at me and picks me up by the front of my shirt, angry (e/c) eyes staring into mine. “I’m sorry, princess, was I not fighting fair? Shall I let you know my move before I make them? Because that’s how people in the underground fight. Fairly.” He scoffs at me and throws me away from him. 

“My eyes told you I was distracted, but my body told you all you needed to know to block my attack.” He growls at me. “We’ve been out here for hours, just let me go and rest.” I cry, my 7 year old self tired and bruised from his most recent ‘lesson’. 

“You don’t get to rest! No matter what, fight! Fight through the pain! Fight through the fatigue! Fight through everything! Now get up! Stop being weak!” 

(End of flashback)

I open my eyes slowly, looking up at the roof of the cabin. Ugh, my father is the worst. I’m glad I haven’t seen him since I was 13. 

Alright, enough, it is time to get this leg set. I prop myself up on my elbows and look towards the table and chairs. I can use a couple of the chair legs, they are straight and thick enough to work. Plus, I can use the longer wooden table legs of the table as canes to help me move when I stand. 

I drag my broken body over to the chairs. It cost me a lot of effort, so I had to take a break before grabbing my knife to cut off the chair legs. 

It felt like forever, but I was able to cut 2 of the legs off. I drag myself over to the wall so I can lean against it while I set my leg. I take a deep breath as I stare down at my broken leg and the chair legs. 

I remove a few of the belts from my legs so I can tighten them around my broken leg to keep the chair legs and bone in place. I have a little bit of gas left, but I won’t be able to use the ODM gear properly with missing belts. 

Oh well, it is what it is. 

Erwin’s POV 

It took us a few hours to get back to the walls. After getting ridiculed by the public, we were now unloading the injured cadets and other supplies. 

We lost a lot of people, but at least we learned a few things. We can confirm there are more titan shifters and whoever they are, they are definitely targeting Eren for something. 

I wonder how mad (y/n) is at me for making her go back with Hange. Yes, it was selfish of me to send her away to another squad. But I had a feeling the female titan would try to go for Eren again after she escaped. I wanted to at least try to keep her safe. 

Eren has been in and out of consciousness for the entire ride back to HQ. He doesn’t seem to remember what happened after the initial capture of the female titan. 

I see Levi limping out of one of the supply wagons, “You really shouldn’t be doing that,” I say to him, “You don’t have to help unload, go see Dr. Thompson.” 

“I’m fine,” He replies as he grabs a box out of the wagon. “I’m sorry about your squad.” I say to him quietly. Levi stops for a moment, but doesn’t say anything. He puts the box down inside and makes his way back to grab another. 

“Have you seen (y/n) yet?” Levi asked me as he limped over to another box. “No,” I answer, “I was going to go find Hange and find out where she is.” 

“I’ll go with you.” Levi replies as he puts the box down carefully. 

I wonder if she knows her squad was wiped out yet. How are we going to tell her? She will be very angry she wasn’t there to help them. 

We see Hange helping a scout with a missing leg onto a stretcher to be taken inside, “Oh! Eyebrows! Shorty! This is the cadet (y/n) saved!” 

“Hange, let the poor man be taken in to see Thompson already.” I sigh as she lifts Oliver up slightly to see us. 

She laughs and asks Moblit and another cadet to take him in on the stretcher. “Why are you 2 hanging out here?” She asked us as we stood there staring at her. 

“We’re looking for (y/n), is she helping with the wounded inside?” Levi asked her, looking around to see if he can see her nearby. 

“Huh?” Hange responded, giving him a confused look, “How would I know where she is, she’s a part of your squad, no?” 

“Enough joking,” I sigh in frustration, “Just tell us where she is.” 

“I haven’t seen her since before you gave the order for us to retreat, I swear.” She answers me seriously. 

“Where is Eren?” I ask Levi, panic beginning to bubble up inside me. As I look at Levi I can tell he is feeling the same. 

Instead of answering me he starts walking away as fast as his injured ankle would let him. I follow him, knowing he is heading straight for Eren. 

We head inside toward the hospital wing. When we get there, most of the beds are occupied by wounded soldiers. I see Eren who appears to be passed out again, on a bed in the corner, Mikasa Ackerman sitting by his bed. 

When we reach Eren, Levi immediately starts to shake him. Mikasa glares at him but does nothing to get in his way, “Eren,” Levi said loudly, “Did you see (y/n) shortly before you turned into a titan?” 

Eren slowly opens his eyes, but doesn’t show any sign that he heard what Levi asked. But then he sits up so quickly it startles all of us. “(Y/n)?” Eren groaned while rubbing his head. “Yeah, what happened to her?” Levi pressed. 

“She was with us when we were retreating, but then the female titan showed up... She was with me when everyone else died... The female titan grabbed her and threw her..” Eren tries to explain, “Oh no!” He shouted suddenly, “We have to go, we have to save her! Where is she?!” Eren looked desperately around at the wounded scattered around the hospitals wing, looking for (y/n). 

Mikasa tried to calm Eren down and keep him from moving too much. So it’s true, my worst fear has been realized, she was hurt and left behind. I felt sick. We were in a hurry to get back to the walls, so no one went out searching for wounded. We just grabbed as many of the dead as we could and retreated. 

I sit down in an open chair trying to compose myself. She was supposed to be with Hange, if her stubborn ass had just listened to my instructions, this would not have.... No, stop thinking about it like that. What’s done is done and now I have to get her back. There is no way I’m letting her die, no way.

“Erwin,” I lift my head to see Levi standing in front of me, “What are we going to do? We have to get her back.” 

I nod, “Follow me.” I tell him as I stand up from my chair and we leave the hospital wing. 

Your POV

I had to be careful not to drink too much of the little bit of water I have. I need to make this last for as long as I can, I don’t know how long it’ll be until I find more. People used to live here, so there has to be some form of natural water source around here somewhere. 

At least I was able to stabilize my leg, the chair legs and the belts seem to be holding it in place okay. I didn’t know if I would be able to, honestly. The pain was almost more than I could bear. 

I’m still sitting up against the wall, just trying to relax and catch my breath before moving to the bed. Now that I found shelter and took care of my leg for the time being, my mind wanders to the expedition. 

It finally seemed to hit me that most of my squad mates were dead. I’ll miss them a lot, especially Oluo oddly enough. But we got pretty close when we were competing, and I really appreciated his friendship after that. 

I wonder if Eren is okay. The female titan was clearly not in a hurry when I ran into her, so I doubt she succeeded in capturing Eren. So he is probably alive. 

Erwin and Levi have probably realized that I didn’t follow their instructions for going to Hange after the signal to retreat. I chuckle a little bit at that, I have a strange sense of humour. 

I should stay off my leg for at least a few days before going out to see if I can find food and water. I don’t have any food, but dehydration will kill me faster, and I do have some water that should last me for a couple days if I use it sparingly. 

I feel my eye lids getting heavy, so I make my way over to the bed. I sighed as I slowly and carefully dragged my body toward the bed. Not dissimilar to the way I dragged my hungover body across Levi’s floor. The memory made me laugh and then moan in pain from my broken ribs. 

I finally reach the bed and pull my upper body onto it. Then I use my right leg to hoist the rest of my body up. The effort was making me breathe a little too heavy again. I have to be more careful, I can’t afford any broken ribs puncturing a lung. 

I steady my breathing again and lay myself down gently on the dusty old bed. But after everything, it felt like the most comfortable bed I have ever been on. Although, I would have appreciated Erwin’s warm body next to me, like the last morning I woke up when I was staying in his room. 

I hope Erwin and Levi are okay, and I hope they know better than to waste their time and resources to come out and get me. I’m not worth the effort, if I survive out here on my own. If not, then that’s just the way it is. 

The most comfortable position I can lay in is on my back. Not ideal, but I don’t exactly have a choice. Regardless, I start drifting off to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22: The Rescue

Time skip, 3 days later 

Levi's POV 

I was pacing around Erwin's office, waiting for him to be finished reading the letter he received. Hange and Mike were sitting in chairs in front of Erwin's desk. 

We've been waiting for a few days now for permission to send out a search party for (y/n). The higher ups have been taking their sweet ass time, and the longer we leave (y/n) out there, the slimmer her chances for survival get. 

Maybe that's what they want, there are a lot of people in the capital who would probably be relieved to hear of (y/n)'s death. Any possible condemning memories she possesses dying with her. 

Erwin puts down the letter and sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose. "Well?" Hange prompted him nervously. 

"They said they will not authorize a search party for (y/n). Even if she is a valuable and talented solider, it's too risky to send us out to save her." Erwin explained angrily. 

"Well, they're not wrong, Erwin," Hange said carefully, "We don't even know for sure if she is even alive." 

I slam my hand down on Erwin's desk, startling all 3 of them, "That's bullshit," I growl at her, "If anyone can survive in the worst of circumstances, it's (y/n). She's alive, and I'm going to get her no matter what those assholes say." 

"Levi, I understand your frustration," Hange says, not backing down, "But the scouts can't afford to lose you and Erwin. You're humanities strongest solider, and Erwin, you're the best Commander the Survey Corps has ever had. We can't risk losing either one of you." 

I knew she was right, of course she had a point. But in this moment, it doesn't matter to me. I refuse to believe she is dead, and one way or another she will be back. 

"They can't go, but I can," I hear Mike speak up for the first time, "If she's still alive in that forest, I can sniff her out." 

"But how will you exit the walls?" Hange asks him, "The Garrison has been given orders to watch the gates at all times, how will you and a horse get out?" 

"They must really not want (y/n) to come back if they are cracking down on the garrison like this," Mike says thoughtfully, "I guess it would be best for them, lest she come back and speak out against the capital. Even if her memories are lost, there is still that possibility she could remember lingering in the back of their minds, I'm sure." 

"I'll talk to Pixis," Erwin said, "Maybe I can convince him to let out a small search party for (y/n)." 

"How are you going to do that?" Hange asked him curiously, "He's in the capital at the moment. And you can't go to the capital without them hounding you about custody over Eren." 

"I'll figure something out," He answered simply, "Mike, if you can, gather up a few other scouts to go with you. Volunteer only though, don't coerce anyone." 

Mike nods and gets up from his seat and heads towards the door, "I'll go with you too, I can't stand not seeing her pretty little face here." Hange sighed as she followed Mike out of Erwin's office. 

Erwin and I were the only ones left in his office now. "Continue being on the lookout for anymore co-conspirators of the female titan," Erwin says to me as he stands up from his desk, "I will find out when Pixis is due back from the capital, and speak to him then. It can't be more than a couple days." 

"You should know I have feelings for her too, Erwin," I say quietly, as he heads for the door, "I know you do too, but that won't stop me." 

"No, I doubt it would stop you," He replies, hand hovering over the door handle, "But I won't hold back either." With that he leaves his office. 

I limp my way to the door next, "You better be alive, brat." I mumble to myself as I leave Erwin's office. 

Time skip, 3 days later 

Your POV 

How long has it been? I've lost track of time, I'm so tired... So hungry... So thirsty. It has to have been almost a week by now. 

I slept okay the first night I spent here, but I haven't been able to sleep since. The hunger and the worry of a titan attack keeps me up at night, I'm always on alert. I'll close my eyes for maybe an hour or so, but then I'm right back up and can't get back to sleep, brain refusing to rest. 

I'm having trouble noticing the difference between delusions and reality. My sleep deprived, hungry and thirsty mind is playing tricks on me. 

For example... I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating because Malcolm is dead, but there he is, sitting on the end of my bed... Watching me. He looks so real I feel like I can touch him. But I don't dare, I just sit and look at the ground, telling myself he isn't there.

"Come on, (y/n)," I jump when I hear him actually speak, then screech in pain as the sudden movement sends pain jolting up and down my broken leg, "I thought you'd be happy to see me." 

"You're not real, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real," I keep mumbling to myself, trying to force my brain into reality. I guess it's safe to say, because of the isolation and my deteriorating health, that I'm becoming a little, 'loose around the edges' or 'unhinged'. 

"What's on your mind, (y/n)? You look stressed." Mac says with a chuckle. 

"Stressed? Of course not, I'm doing great! Everyone has visual and auditory hallucinations about their dead husbands, right?!" I respond, giving him a crazed look. 

Sure, I've had memories pop up at bad times, or dreams where he shows up.. But I've never had full on hallucinations of him, or anyone for that matter... 

"Maybe even tactile hallucinations," He grins at me as he holds out his hand for me to touch, but I ignore it. 

"Don't worry, (y/n). I'm sure one of the many men you flirt with will come and save you. Then you can ruin their lives, like you ruined mine." Mac laughs as he flashes me an evil smile that just looks wrong on his kind features. 

"No they won't, because they're smart men." I say quietly. 

"I find it interesting that you even entertain the idea of being with someone else. How dare you think of finding happiness," Mac continues, his features growing more and more menacing, almost so I can't even recognize him anymore. 

"Stop it." I whisper and try to cover my ears. 

"How many people have had to suffer for your curiosities? How many of them are dead or mutilated? You can't even remember, can you?" He continues. 

"Shut up!" I try to scream, but my throat is too dry, so a squeak is the only thing that escapes my lips. I look up and he's gone. 

I need water. I finished my limited supply of water a couple nights ago. I need to get up and find more. 

I reach for the table legs that I cut off to use as canes to help me move along with my broken leg. I don't have anything long enough to fashion some crutches, but these will do. I haven't moved far from the cabin, but I'll have to try covering more ground. 

I make my way over to the front door and open it slowly. "There she is!" I hear the unmistakably annoying voice of my father, "Going out to fail on another mission?" 

I ignore him, it's just a hallucination or whatever, he's shown up before, just ignore it. "Ah, don't be like that (y/n)!" He continues, "I like the person you've become, you're a lot like your dear old dad now. We will use anybody to get what we want, no matter the cost." 

Don't entertain it, just keep hopping in the other direction. "Though it seems like maybe you have inherited the same crazy your mother has." I stop when I hear him talk about my mother. 

"Oh ho, that got your attention didn't it? It is fitting I suppose, you got my eye colour and hair colour, but you have your mother's good looks. So it only makes sense you get her crazy too."

I whirl around, almost falling over in the process, to glare at my father, "She wasn't crazy you fucking moron, she's sick. You were too pathetic and weak to help her!" I snarl at him. 

"What did you call me?" He closes the distance between us in a hurry, and grabbed me by the neck. I smirk at him, "A weak ass bitch." 

I close my eyes, waiting for the punch to the face, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and he was gone. I breathe a sigh of relief and hop along with my canes to see if I can find food, and more importantly water. 

After hobbling around for probably an hour, I'm exhausted and have to head back for the cabin. I can't exert myself too much, don't want to be stuck out there for a titan to find. 

I head into the cabin and make my way over to the bed. I rest my elbows on my knees and put my face in my hands. What am I going to do now? If I don't find water in the next couple days, I'll die from dehydration. What a story that would be. (Y/n) (l/n), escaped the evil underground to the open arms of the evil above ground, escapes that evil alive, joins the scouts and survives 3 encounters with the female titan... Dies of dehydration. 

I can't help but chuckle at the circumstances I've found myself in. I feel a hand on my arm. I jerk my head up to see my mother sitting next to me. 

"Hard day, sweet heart?" My mother smiles at me gently. She looked beautiful, this is what she looked like when we lived in the underground. Her eyes were bright, her soft skin was radiant and her smile could make all my worries disappear. "Mom," I sigh happily, "I miss you." 

Her smile falters a little and she takes both of my hands in her's, "I have to talk to you about something, (y/n). Mama's pretty sick and the doctors down here can't help me. So we need to move above ground." 

I give her an excited look, "Really?! Ben and Beth talk about living above ground and how nice it is! This is great, now I'll be able to see them all the time!" 

My mother isn't smiling anymore, "(y/n), we will be separated when we move above ground. You see, Mama's husband, David, agreed to have me come back to him so I can get the treatment I need." 

"That's amazing! I'm sure you'll get great care!" I reassure her. 

"Yes, but you will have to stay somewhere else. A friend of David's wishes to meet with you, and he will decide if he will take you in or not." She explains to me, I can see pain behind her eyes as she tells me I won't be living with her anymore. 

"What kind of a man is he? What's his name?" I ask nervously. 

"Lawrence Pearson." My mother answered me. I hear a laugh from the other side of the cabin, so I jerk my head away from my mother and look in the direction it came from. It was Laurie. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, my sweet little pet," Laurie says sweetly as he steps closer to me, "My my my, you are a beautiful one aren't you? Oh yes, you will do nicely." 

I turn my head to where my mother was on my bed, but she wasn't the beautiful looking woman she once was anymore. Now she looked like she does in reality, greying hair, gaunt features and dull grey almost lifeless eyes. I can feel her cold hand on my face, "Sweet heart, what's wrong? You used to wake up every morning smiling and happy to take on the day. Where is that smile, mama misses it so much? What happened?" 

I remove her hand from my face and look sadly into her eyes, "I grew up." 

She disappears as well as Laurie, leaving me alone in my cabin once again. 

Time skip, 2 days later 

Erwin's POV 

"Almost everyone volunteered when they found out I may be looking for people to form a group to search for (y/n)," Mike informed me as I was walking toward Commander Pixis' office, "Most of the new recruits from the 104th cadets offered to help, but I feel it's best to only use those who have plenty of experience." 

I nod at him, "How many did you decide on?" 

"8 sir, Myself, Hange, Nanaba, Gelgar, Johnathon, as well as 3 others (y/n) helped in the field, Don, Adam and Werner." Mike explained. 

"A good group," I commented, it's true, everyone on Mike's list is a capable soldier. I just wish I could go myself but I know there is no way any of them would let myself or Levi go. 

We reach Pixis' office and I knock on the door, "Come in," Pixis' voice calls out, giving me permission to enter. 

"Ah Commander Erwin, Squad Leader Mike," He nodded a greeting to us, "What can I help you with?" 

"I'll get right to the point, we are running short on time," I say, walking across his office to sit across from him, "I need you to look the other way as a group of 8 scouts leaves wall Rose for a recovery mission." 

Pixis studies me closely, "Is this about the (l/n) girl?" 

"Yes." I say simply, returning his gaze. 

He sighs, "Her siblings were here earlier today asking if they could go out and find her." 

"That's foolish." I comment. 

"Said the pot about the kettle." Pixis smirks at me. 

"She's a valuable asset to the scouts," I explain, "Her skills are almost on par with Levi, and she is quick on her feet out in the field when it comes to helping others." 

"Oh yes!" Pixis laughed, "I heard about Oliver's leg, quick thinking indeed. But perhaps if she were quicker and more skilled, she would be here today." 

I clench my fists as his words, "I'm not asking you to let a bunch of us out, just a small group of volunteers." 

"I see, and you think this girl is worth the potential loss of life of 8 scouts?" Pixis asks, giving me a serious look. 

"We won't lose," Mike cuts in from behind me, "We need her here, not just because of her fighting skills. She has knowledge involving corruption in the capital as well. Those in the capital don't want her to come back." 

We sit in silence for awhile, waiting for Pixis' answer. This is time sensitive, we need to get out there by this evening. Leaving at night is the best option, since the titans don't move around as much without the sun. Replying on Mike's instincts is a gamble, but it's the best shot we have. 

"I do miss seeing her pretty face around," Pixis chuckles, "As soon as the sun goes down, I'll open the gate for you." He finally agrees. 

"Thank you." I say as I stand up and make my way to the door. "Erwin, do try to keep her in check will you? It doesn't look good on your part giving special treatment to a cadet you have feelings for." Pixis scolds me. 

"No," I answer, "I doubt it looks good. I'll keep an eye on her." 

"I'll get everyone together then," Mike said as he walked out of Pixis' office, "Do you need to speak to us as a group before we go?" 

"That's not necessary," I reply, "Just do what you can. If the situation is helpless, just retreat." 

He nods at me and hurried off to gather the 7 others in his group. This is going to be a long night; I doubt I'll sleep at all. Not until they are back, regardless of the outcome. 

Author's POV 

The group didn't know what to expect when they came looking for you, but all of them knew you were alive. They had no proof, but they believed it all the same. Although, they didn't know what state you would be in when they find you. 

Your hallucinations were getting worse, the dehydration, sleep deprivation, starvation and isolation is taking over your mind. Most of your time was not spent in reality anymore, it was spent with Laurie tormenting you, your father mocking you and your mother trying to soothe you. 

If you closed your eyes for even a few minutes your mind would be haunted by your time in the capital. So many faces of people who you can't quite remember, you know their faces are significant, but you don't know why. 

You had become so delusional and out of reality at times that you were even walking on your broken leg slightly. So out of your normal mind, that you didn't even feel the excruciating pain. 

This night you were wandering around the woods in the dark. Silently searching the area, waiting for the return of those who haunt and torment you. Not being able to tell yourself they are not really there anymore. 

Meanwhile the group coming to find you has slowly made their way to the forest of giant trees. It took them awhile to get there, not wanting to go too fast incase they ran into you trying to walk your way back to the wall. But they don't see you anywhere, so you must still be in the forest." 

They see a few titans scattered around the field, but none of them show any interest in them. Without the sun they are left without any energy to chase after them. 

"Where in the forest do you think she is?" Nanaba asks Mike quietly. 

"Hard to say," Mike answers her, "She'll probably be held up in a house somewhere." 

They don't talk much out here, even though it is dark and titans are known not be active at night. But not long ago they would have thought it was impossible for a person to turn into an intelligent titan. Who knows what else may be lurking out there.

The group heads deeper into the woods, Mike asks them to stop every once in awhile to see if he can detect your scent. After meandering around the forest for several hours, they were starting to lose hope a bit. It feels like they have been going in circles. The dull light emitting from their torches doing little to help with the confusion. 

"We have to find her soon," Hange said quietly, "At this point, by the time we actually leave the forest, the sun is going to start rising." 

"Wait," Mike says suddenly, bringing the rest of the group to a halt, "I think I sense something. Mike starts heading to the left slowly, not wanting to lose the scent, it was very subtle. The others followed him closely, eyes peeled for any titans or you. 

Mike's eyes widen when he smells your sweet familiar scent more strongly, and stops the group again. They can see a small clearing and a little cabin in front of them. "Dismount," Mike calls to the group, "Tie the horses up and leave a few torches by them. We go on foot here." 

Everyone dismounts their horses and file out around the clearing, looking for any signs of you. Mike and Nanaba head toward the cabin, while the others check the area around it. 

They slowly open the door, "(y/n)?" Mike whispers into the darkness of the cabin, but there is no reply. They walk farther into the cabin and notice a chair with a couple missing legs, as well as a wooden table in the same state. 

They walk over to the bed and see your jacket lying abandoned on the bed. Mike picks it up, it's still a little warm, as if you had been wearing it recently. He could smell your familiar sweet scent radiating off of the jacket. It gave him and Nanaba hope that you were indeed still alive. 

Mike and Nanaba leave the cabin, but as soon as they are out of the threshold, something hard crashes onto Mike from above. "Yes!" He heard your voice say, "I knew you would be back, Laurie!" You laughed as you grabbed your knife and held it to Mike's throat. 

"(Y/n)!" Nanaba gasps and tries to pull you off of Mike, but you have a tight grip. 

"What's wrong, Laurie?" She cooed at him, "You've always wanted me on top of you, bet you weren't expecting this though huh?" 

Your voice was hoarse, shaky and quiet, throat too dry for every word to be understood. The others in the group heard the commotion and come rushing over. 

Hange is shocked when she sees the state you're in, but she acts quickly and pushes Nanaba out of the way. 

She wraps her arm around your neck, causing you to drop your knife and claw at Hange's arm. She squeezed you until you passed out, arms falling limply beside you. After you were unconscious she set you down gently. 

She knew she had to knock you out, it was clear you were in a delirious state and you would only end up hurting yourself more. 

"Get the stretcher." Hange says to Gelgar, as she examines you more closely. 

You have bruises all over your body. Your shirt was open with your bra and stomach showing. She noted you had bruising all around your ribs from breaking them. Your skin looked dry and your lips were bleeding from cracking. 

Her eyes moved down to your splinted broken left leg. 'How was she on this leg?' She asked herself as she stared down at you in awe. 

Gelgar came back with the stretcher and they carefully placed you on it. They weren't sure if you would still be in a delirious state when you wake up, so they strapped you to the stretcher just in case. 

They load you onto the wagon attached to a horse driven by Hange. The rest of the scouts mount their horses, but Nanaba rides in the wagon with you to keep an eye on you. 

As they made their way across the forest, the soft glow of morning light was starting to peek through the trees. This caused a lot of nervousness among the scouts, yes visibility was better, but that also means titans will be active again. 

They quickened their pace as they have the open field in site between the forest and the gate. They were in the home stretch, but it was also the most dangerous. Now that the sun is up, the titans are active and they are more difficult to deal with in the open field. 

For awhile there wasn't a titan in site, but of course that didn't last long. When they were about halfway to the gate, they see a group of 5 titans running across the field toward them. 

"Damnit," Mike growls, "Come on, let's take them out. Hange, keep going with (y/n)." Mike and the other scouts get ready to deploy their anchors on the fast approaching titans. 

Johnathon starts going for the legs of a couple of the titans, hoping to stop their advance and making it easier to get to their nape with them on the ground. Things went smoothly at first, but with only 7 scouts dealing with 5 10m titans, it was pretty difficult. 

There were a few more coming from the same direction the first 5 came from. Mike split off from the main group to deal with the 3 that were coming, leaving the other titans for the other 6 to deal with. 

It was a tough battle, but they were able to down the titans. They jumped back onto their horses and sped off after Hange. As they were catching up to her, Johnathon noticed 2 abnormal titans running on all fours at an incredible speed. 

Mike was about to turn around and meet the 2 abnormal titans, but Johnathon, Adam and Werner stopped him, "We can handle this, make sure no other titans are between (y/n) and the wall. Get her home safe." And with that, they were off to meet the titans. 

Mike gallops back to his position, and none of them look back as they urge their horses faster to get to the wall. 

Finally, they see the gate. There appeared to be no more titans in site. As they approach the gate it opened slowly to allow them safe passage into Karanes District. 

When you were safety in the walls, Mike uses his ODM gear to go to the top of the walls to look out for the scouts that engaged the 2 abnormal titans. He sees no sign of them, only their three horses who were able to find their way back to the wall. 'That's not a good sign," he thought to himself. 

He sighed heavily, cursing himself for letting them take on those 2 by themselves. But what's done is done, nothing he can do now. 

Instead of bringing you directly to the HQ hospital, Pixis told Hange to just bring her to the little hospital wing that is typically just used for soldiers in the garrison. 

Hange and Nanaba carry you into the small building and transfer you from the stretcher onto a bed. Once they set you down, you woke up. Your (e/c) eyes were wide with panic, your brain not comprehending where you were or who was around you. 

You start fighting Hange and Nanaba, it wasn't registering in your brain that they were trying to help you. In your mind you were fighting for your life, the adrenaline coursing through you allowed you to completely ignore the pain you felt all over your body. 

But you were still too weak to fight them off, and with some effort they were able to immobilize your limbs by strapping you down on the bed, "(y/n), it's us," Hange tried to appeal to you, "You're safe!" 

Your eyes still looked at her and Nanaba wildly, but you seemed to calm down a little bit. Nanaba leaves to go get you some water as Hange tried to calm you down a bit more.

"Nanaba has water for you," Hange said to you carefully, "We're going to prop the bed up a bit so you can drink, okay?" She waited to see your reaction before continuing, making sure you were not going to freak out again. 

You nod your head slightly, so they tilted your bed up to give you some water. As soon as you felt the water touch your lips, you tried to drink it down greedily, but your dry throat almost wouldn't allow this foreign feeling of water. You cough up all the water, Hange and Nanaba undo your restraints to let you sit more forward. 

Without thinking, Nanaba patted you on the back, causing you to jolt from the pain in your broken ribs, "Be careful!" Hange scolded her. 

"Slowly." Hange says to you, allowing you to grab the cup of water. Very slowly you consumed the water and sat back in the bed again. 

The 2 women just stared at you as you tried to slow down your breathing back to normal. They were amazed that you were still alive; you survived out in titan territory for a little over a week with broken ribs and a broken leg. They wanted to ask you so may questions and examine you for more possible injuries. But you were exhausted and you slowly drifted off to sleep. 

Hange and Nanaba took turns watching over you. They wouldn't let anyone else come in to see you, they wanted to give your privacy and keep things quiet. But word was spreading that you survived, and people were showing up trying to come in and see you. 

You slept deeply and nightmare free. But Hange was worried about what you were going to say when you woke up. You're not the type of person to accept people risking their life for you. What were you going to say when you found out that 3 people died in order for you to live? 

But for now at least, you can have at least a little bit of peace... But only for now.


	23. Chapter 23: Ambivalent

Hange’s POV 

I decided to let her sleep for at least a few hours before bothering her again. I have to clean her up and take a look at the rest of her body, just incase there are any injuries we missed. 

For a dehydrated, starving and hurt girl, she sure can still put up a fight. She seems to have an abnormal affinity for staying alive in the worst of circumstances. It would seem she has been in many scenarios were she a normal human being, she would have died. 

She’ll never fail to amaze me that girl. “How is she?” I hear Pixis ask me as he sits down next to me. 

“She’s alive,” I sigh, “But I don’t know the extent of her injuries yet.” 

“How many did you lose?” He inquires quietly. 

“3.” I answer him.

“Damn.” He responds. “Damn indeed.” I nod, even though they volunteered and knew the risks before heading out, it doesn’t make the loss any left tragic. 

“Do the other’s know she is alive?” He asks as he takes a swig from his flask. 

“I sent Nanaba to give an update and ask them to stay where they are. They have to stay where they are and give her some privacy for the time being.” 

“Do you think they will listen?” 

“Probably not.” 

We sit in silence for a little bit, remembering the loss of the 3 who sacrificed everything to say (y/n). She is not going to be okay with that, she is going to be angry and I don’t know how to tell her. Will she hate us? 

“I’m going to get her something to eat.” I say to Pixis as I wave him goodbye. 

I go down to the Garrison Regiment kitchen, deciding I’ll just make her a small sandwich or something. It doesn’t look like she was able to eat anything at all while she was out there, so I don’t want to give her too much. I don’t want her eating more than she can, causing her to get sick. 

As I’m heading back to (y/n) my mind drifts to Erwin and Levi. I really hope they don’t cause trouble for Nanaba. If they could just take my advice and just wait for me to bring her, I’m sure (y/n) would appreciate it. I don’t want her to be overwhelmed with company, especially how currently I don’t even really know her current state of mind. 

I slowly open the door to the small hospital wing quietly, not wanting to disturb (y/n) if she is still asleep. But I was surprised to see her sitting up in her bed, looking out the window. When she hears me open and close the door she turns her head slowly to look at me. 

“Hey,” She smiles weakly at me, and speaks barely above a whisper.

“Hey!” I repeat back to her, “I brought you something to eat in case you were awake.” 

I walk closer to her and she frowns at the sandwich I brought her, “What is that?” She asks me curiously. 

“A sandwich, why? Are you still hallucinating and see it as a spider or something?” I laugh at her odd response. 

She shakes her head, “That’s not a sandwich, a sandwich has all kinds of stuff in it as well as meat. What you’re giving me is a couple pieces of bread with a couple vegetables. Not a sandwich. Go back, put a sandwich in it and bring it back, wench.” 

I chuckle at her, seems like she may be coming around to being herself again, “No, you need to start small, I’m not going to give you a full sandwich. Your stomach won’t be able to handle it after going over a week without eating anything.” 

(Y/n) scowls at me, but takes the trey and slowly tries to eat what I brought for her. I sit with her silently, watching her carefully. 

“Are you going to tell me how I got back here?” She asks me without looking up. “You don’t remember?” I reply tentatively. 

She shakes her head and looks over at me. She has an unreadable expression on her pretty face, is it anger? Confusion? Relief? All of the above? It’s hard to tell. 

“Tell you what,” I finally answer her, “Let me clean you up so I can examine you fully and then will tell you everything.” 

“Promise?” She pressed. 

“Of course,” I smile at her, taking her trey away from her and putting it on the table beside her bed, “I’ll grab a wheel chair and we’ll go to the bath.” 

She nods and allows me to help her into a nearby wheelchair. I try and chat with her a little bit on the way, but she doesn’t seem interested in chatting. 

Once we reach the bath I start running the water and start to carefully undress her. She winces every time I take off an article of clothing. Every new area exposed presented another bruise of cut on her body. 

“Huh.” I murmur as I stare at (y/n). She gives me a confused look, “What?” 

“Well, I figured you going without food for as long as you did, your body would start consuming most of your fat stores,” I explain, amused as I watch her frown deepen, “I guess I just assumed it would feed off of all the fat in your boobs and ass, but they are still the same size.” I smile widely at the annoyed face she gives me. That’s better, her annoyed look is better than the blank looks she has been giving me. 

(Y/n) punches my shoulder weakly as I laugh at her effort, “Come on! If anything I was giving you a compliment! Even staring down the threat of starvation, your beautiful figure remains intact despite the odds!” 

She glares at me and lifts herself up to sit in the tub, “Left leg out miss, I’m not messing with the lovely splint you made. I’m sure Dr. Thompson will want to put on a proper cast though.” 

She nods and makes sure her splinted left leg doesn’t go in the water. As soon as she settles in she dunks her head underwater and starts scrubbing away the dirt and grime she has accumulated over her body. 

I carefully try to clean as much of her broken leg as I can without removing her splints. Definitely a resourceful one she is, despite the circumstances she found herself in. She was still able to figure out how to keep her bone locked back in its correct place with the help of the belts. 

Now that all the dirt has been washed away, I can see her injuries even more clearly. She’s purple, black and yellow all over. The stitches that are still in her back don’t look good. 

I clean them as thoroughly as I can, but it’s best if I go get some alcohol solution to clean them out more effectively. I run and grab some and ask her to lean forward so I can dab at her back. She grips the tub until her knuckles turn white, (y/n) always tries her best to put on a brave face. But I can tell she is scared and hurting a lot. 

My eyes stare at the ‘slut’ scar on her back, I don’t think I could ever get used to seeing that. But I try and ignore it as best as I can. 

Her back and chest are badly bruised from her broken ribs, and she has what appeared to be hand marks around her neck. It looks like she was chocked, but how could that be? She was the only one out there. Unless she did it to herself during one of her delusions. That’s probably the most likely cause. 

“Alright, out you get,” I pat her wet head, “I’ll bring you back to the room, sleep a little more and then I will bring you back to HQ. Everyone is dying to see you.” 

“I’m sure that’s true,” She says glaring at me, “In more ways than one apparently.” 

I don’t respond to that, just tried to avoid her accusing gaze. 

“You promised you would tell me after I washed up” she stated. 

“Rest first (y/n), please,” I sigh at her whine, giving her a pleading look to not push further for now, “Everything will still be as it is when you wake up. I want you to at least sleep a little soundly.” 

She doesn’t inquire anymore thankfully, this conversation is going to be hard for her. I don’t know how she will react when I tell her 3 cadets died while rescuing her. I’m honestly a little afraid to tell her. 

I wheel her back to her bed and help her up. I wish her sweet dreams and bring a chair closer to her bed. It’s not too long before I feel myself drifting off to sleep. 

Levi’s POV 

I was waiting impatiently in Erwin’s office with him and the titan brat. It was daytime now and we had still received no word from anyone. 

Erwin tried to do paperwork, but failed to keep himself concentrated enough to actually do it. Eren has been camped out here too, refusing to leave until he heard of (y/n)’s condition.

Suddenly there’s a quick knock on the door, without any of us having time to say anything, Nanaba walks into the office. 

“Well?” I say impatiently as she tries to catch her breath. 

“We found (y/n),” Nanaba says quickly, “She’s alive.” 

We all breathe a sigh of relief at that, “Where is she?” Erwin asked her, getting up from behind his desk and walking towards the door. 

“Hange said to be patient,” Nanaba said as she blocked the door in front of Erwin, “She’s alive, but she’s not in good shape. Let her rest more, and Hange will bring her to the hospital wing here after she wakes up.”

“Move.” I growl at her as she refuses to move from the door. 

“Captain Levi, I understand you all want to see her, but Hange asked me to tell you to please just give her time.” 

Although I hated the thought of not seeing her right away, I was at least happy that she was alive. We calm down and agree to give her space. 

“Did we lose anyone?” I ask Nanaba as she takes a seat next to Eren. 

“3, Johnathon, Werner and Adam.” She replies. 

“Damnit.” Erwin cursed as he takes a seat behind his desk again. 

“What’s her condition?” Eren asks Nanaba. 

“Broken leg and ribs for sure,” She said nervously, “She was in a pretty bad state when we found her though; she seemed to be hallucinating and attacked Mike.” 

We just stared back at her, waiting for her to continue, “She’s a tough one though,” she chuckles, “She forced her leg back into alinement herself, using a couple chair legs and belts from her gear.” 

That must not have been easy, but she did what she had to do to survive. I have to admit I’m pretty impressed. 

“When can we see her?” Erwin asks the question we were all wanting to ask.

“Just leave her be for now,” Nanaba answered sternly, “Wait until she is moved here.” 

“When will that be?” I ask her impatiently. 

“She’ll be moved tomorrow probably, so try to relax for now.”

Easy for her to say, she was able to actually see (y/n). Time was going by even slower than what it did when she was still missing. Now I know for sure she is alive. I could see her, talk to her, touch her, but I can’t. 

I also feel a strong urge to yell at her. If she has just followed mine and Erwin’s orders, this wouldn’t have happened to her. But no, she had to be stubborn and act like a hero. 

But I guess I’m also nervous about seeing her. How angry will she be when we tell her people died to get her back here? No use worrying about it now, we’ll know soon enough. 

Your POV 

I wake up from a long dreamless sleep. I can see the sun streaming in from the window, how long was I asleep for? I’m quite confident I fell asleep when it was light out as well. 

I did dream a little bit, but it was a nice dream. I dreamt about my mother, the good times when we lived underground. When her and I would go to the market she would always buy me a little candy when I was being good. 

We would go to the alley, not far from our house, to feed some stray cats that were there almost everyday. We couldn’t take them all home, but my mother and I always made it over there to give them something to eat. 

I dreamed of the times she taught me how to play the piano and sing. And the gentle yet strict way she taught me to read and write. 

I guess I haven’t really thought about the good times we had together. My mind has been plagued by the negative, when she agreed to sell me to Laurie and when her health really started to decline. She did what she had to in order to survive and be there for her children. 

I want to see her. More than anyone else, I want to see my mother. 

I sit up in the bed, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I look next to me and see Hange slumped over in a chair, sound asleep and snoring away. I still don’t remember how I got here, my last memory is only of the forest. But it’s evident now that they must have sent out a search party for me. There was no way I could get back here on my own. 

I can feel anger bubble up within me. I thought they would be smart and realize searching for me was a bad idea. I’m grateful they care so much about me, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they shouldn’t have risked more lives to save one person. 

“Hange,” I wheeze, throat feeling dry again, and ribs not allowing me to take in too much air, “Hange!” 

Nothing, she didn’t even stir. I look to the table next to me and see an empty trey, that’ll do. I push it off the table like an annoying cat sending it crashing to the floor. The noise was loud enough to wake the sleeping Hange. 

“Ah! You’re awake,” She smiles at me as she stretches the stiffness out of her limbs, sleeping in a chair can’t be comfortable, “Thirsty? I’ll get you water.” She says quickly, almost as if she is trying to prolong the inevitable, my questions about how I got where I am now. 

I narrow my eyes at her as she dashed out of the room. I sit back and sigh as I wait for her to come back. As promised, she returns not long later with some water for me. I nod my thanks and drink the water slowly. 

“How about breakfast?! I’m sure you’re hungry.” Hange says, as she turns to leave again. But she pauses when I throw the cup she gave me between her and the door, “No.” I say weakly. No more avoiding my questions, she is going to give me answers right now whether she wants to or not. 

Hange’s shoulders sag and she picks up the cup I threw. She puts it on my side table and sits back down in the chair she slept in, “Okay,” She sighed, “What do you want to know first?” 

“How many people died?” I wanted to get straight to it, no easing myself in, I want to know the worst of it now. Hange doesn’t say anything, just stares down at her hands, pulling nervously at her fingers. 

“1?” I whisper to her, and she shakes her head. 

“2?” She shakes her head again at me. 

“... 20?” 

“3.” She finally admitted, meeting my burning gaze. 

“Get out.” I say angrily. 

“(Y/n), I know you’re mad. But it was volunteer only. We all wanted you back, so 8 of us went out to get you: Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar, Johnathon, Adam, Werner, Don and myself. We all knew and understood the risks and we were will willing to help.” Hange hurriedly tried to explain to me, “Erwin and Levi wanted to be there too, but there was no way we were going to risk losing them too.” 

“Who died?” I ask her. 

“Johnathon, Adam and Werner.” She responder sadly. 

“The men I saved out in the field.” I say sadly. 

“Yes.” Hange said quietly. 

“Thank you for saving me,” I say after a long pause, “Please leave.” 

“(Y/n), I don’t regret what we did, none of us do. Believe me, I hated losing those brave men, but they died doing what they wanted to do. And in that moment, it was to save you.” 

I didn’t want to hear it, I covered my ears, not wanting to hear her defend their actions anymore. What about what I wanted? I wanted people to not die for me, I’m not worth saving. I’m a monster, a monster who grew up in the underground and the capital using people for my own benefit. All I want is to redeem myself, so I did my best to help the few others I could. And if that meant I had to die because of it, I made peace with that. 

I never wanted anyone to come looking for me, I’m not worth it, don’t they see that? They made a mistake. They let 3 men die for me, and it was a mistake. 

“Please Hange, just leave me, please.” I begged her as I felt tears beginning to pool in my eyes. 

She paused, but she respected my wish and walked out, closing the door gently behind her. 

Once she was gone I let myself go. I start sobbing, not caring about the pain I felt in the process. She can say they volunteered and knew the risks all she wants, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. 

Am I happy to be here? Not if it means 3 others had to die in order for me to be here. I’m feeling too many emotions, I feel sad for Johnathon, Werner and Adam. I feel relieved to be alive, but also guilty. I feel mad at Erwin and Levi for allowing the search for me. I feel confused and conflicted, and more than anything I just want to see my mother. 

I can’t talk to her about what has happened, she’ll be way too confused. I just want to see her. I feel like I’m turning into a little girl again, scared, alone and not knowing what to do next. 

There was also a part of me that longed to see Erwin and Levi too. Though I know that we are all going to be mad at each other. They will scold me for not following their instructions, and I’m angry with them for allowing 8 people to risk their lives for someone like me. 

Hange’s POV 

Yep, that’s pretty much how I expected it to go. Though I assumed she would shout more and throw more things. But at least that didn’t happen. 

I asked Mike to go and get Dr. Thompson for me, it’s time we move her back to HQ and I know she trusts Thompson. I know she’s angry with me, so maybe she will be more cooperative with Thompson’s help. 

I was waiting there for about an hour when I heard, “Sorry it took so long.” A voice approaching me from the right says, it was Dr. Thompson. 

“No problem,” I reassure him as he sits next to me, “She’s in there.” I point to the closed door of the hospital wing.

“How is she ?” He asked me, catching his breath before he goes in to see her. “Frustrated, I believe would be the correct adjective,” I sigh, “She knows about the men that died on the search to save her.”

“Ah yes, did she kick you out?” He asked me.

“Mhmm, but if you’re ready we should head in, I’d like to get her moved there around dinner time. And I don’t want people showing up and bothering Pixis about seeing (y/n).” 

Thompson nods and stares silently down at his hands for a moment. “Everything okay?” I ask, giving me a concerned look. He sighed and stood up from his seat, “Come on, let’s get her home.” 

I follow him into the room silently and grab the wheel chair as he goes to get (y/n). 

He smiles sadly at her as she sits up and stares at him silently, “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He pulls her into a gentle hug. She seems to accept the embrace, but does not return it, she just stares blankly at the wall lost in thought. 

“Come on,” Thompson said, forcing a smile, “Let’s get you home.” 

Your POV 

We made it to HQ safely. I was happy to see Peter, but he looks weird. Almost like he has not been sleeping. I hope I didn’t cause too much trouble for him, that’s one of the things I can’t stand, upsetting him. Maybe he is just overworked with the wounded they undoubtedly brought back on the expedition. 

We arrive at HQ around dinner time, as planned, so the halls would be free of any onlookers, since everyone would be in the Mess Hall eating. When we get to the hospital wing, Hange leaves to grab me dinner and Peter examines me closely. 

“You did a fine job on your leg with the limited resources you had,” Peter comments as he examines my broken leg. “When did you break it?” I don’t answer, just continue staring at the ground. 

“Well, your ribs should be okay in another few weeks, same as your leg. I’ll put a proper cast on it. Also, did you even notice you broken your big left toe too?” 

I shook my head, no, I didn’t know that. It must have happened just before I was rescued. Without warning Peter pulls up on my toe suddenly, to shift it back into place, “AH!” I scream at the pain from my big toe being put back in its proper place. 

“Hurts less if you don’t know it’s about to happen.” Peter smirked at my intense glare. He grabs some tape nearby and wraps it around my big toe and my neighbouring toe to keep it in place. 

Peter gets everything he needs to put my leg in a cast. Typically he would talk endlessly to me, but he is pretty quiet. It is so out of character for him. 

“How is Oliver?” I ask him quietly.

Peter looks up at me and gives me a genuine smile, “He’s doing well. No infections were detected so he is going home in a couple days.” 

“Good,” I sigh with relief, “I was worried about him.”

“I was worried about you.” Peter says, smile disappearing from his face. 

“I know,” I sigh, “But I’m fine, see?”

“So what exactly happened out there? Tell me everything.” Peter said, pulling up a chair and waiting for me to speak.

I sigh and outline everything. I told him about everything starting before we even left Karanes District, and ending with what I could remember of my time alone in the titan forest.

Peter listens closely and says very little, not wanting to take me out of my train of thought. My throat was getting dry, I haven’t spoken this much for a while. 

“So the female titan saved you?” Peter questions me in disbelief as he hands me a cup of water. 

“Yeah,” I answer, taking the water from him and taking a long drink, “It wasn’t just that instance either. She killed everyone that got between her and Eren, that’s how so many people were killed, including my squad. But after Eren turned into a titan, I tried to help him take her down. She grabbed me and thew me. She killed everyone that stood in her way, but she only squeezed me enough to do harm and then threw me away, leaving me alive.” 

“Why?” Peter asks, deep frown lines visible on his forehead. 

“I don’t know,” I shrug in response, “And she went out of her way to save me from a titan... Nothing makes sense.”

I yawn widely and lay back in my bed again. Peter smiles at me gently, “Alright, I’ll get out of here. I have to report to Ellen anyway, she’s been going insane with worry. Plus, the kids are going to want to come and visit you too, so be ready for that.”

I give him a smile and a thumbs up as he heads to the door. But as he walks out the door, he quickly backs back into my room, “Everything okay?” I give him a weird look. 

“Yeah, just thought you should know I saw Erwin talking to Hange out in the hallway.” 

My eyes go wide when he turns and smirks at me. Oh no, I knew I had to face him sooner rather than later, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon. I’m not ready to be lectured by him, shit what do I do? 

“Have fun!” Peter laughs before walking out the door. No! My buffer is gone! It won’t be long before he comes in, I need to hide! 

Yeah, I know it’s a pretty immature thing to do.. But I’m not ready to face him yet. I mean, of course I want to see him... But not right now! 

There is only one thing to do... I look to the window next to my bed, I’m on the first floor, so going out the window is probably my best bet.

Peter left a pair of crutches for me beside the bed, perfect! I quietly open the window and stick my right leg out of the window first. Okay, halfway there. 

“Hello there,” I freeze up immediately when I hear Erwin’s familiar deep voice from my right, “You wouldn’t be avoiding anyone would you?”

I turn my head slowly to look at him innocently. His arms are crossed in front of his chest and he is smirking at me, “No sir,” I give him a shaky smile, “I fancied some fresh air.” 

“Well good, Hange told me you were too tired to have a visitor, but it looks like you have enough energy to try and escape.”

“Okay.” I let out a dejected sigh as I go back through the window, “Oh and cadet,” I hear Erwin call after me before I close the window, “Your hospital gown is wide open at the back, cute polka dot underwear.” 

“Um, I’ll have you know they are flowers, Erwin. Geez.” I correct him while closing the window, trying to hide the fact that my cheeks were going red. I lay back down in my bed, waiting for Erwin to come in. Damnit, Hange was able to get rid of him too. I guess I’ll have to face him now. 

Not long later, Erwin comes quietly through the door and pulls up a chair next to my bed. “Before you say anything, I’m sorry for not following your instructions,” I say before he has a chance to scold me first, “I know you had reasons, but I had my own. I needed to be with my squad, Erwin, I had to try and protect Eren.” 

“Even though you are indeed skilled, you’re still a new recruit. What makes you think you know better than I do? I’ve been out on quite a few expeditions you know, so I think I’m more qualified than you on telling you where you should be. I felt your skills would be more valuable helping Hange, not dying at the hands on the female titan.” He replied sternly. 

“So you admit you did know she would go for Eren again.” 

“Of course I had a suspicion, yes. Hange didn’t think the person controlling the female titan could have the energy to transform again. However, that line of thinking is from her experiments with Eren, who is merely a novice when it comes to using his titan powers. This person is clearly knowledgeable in how to correctly control the titan, and how not to completely deplete their energy,” Erwin explains, “Before Levi left for your squad, I asked him to replenish his gas canisters. I figured there may be another fight.” 

“And you didn’t tell anybody?” I ask furiously. 

“It was a theory, (y/n),” Erwin retorted, anger rising, “I had no evidence to back it up, just my own suspicions.” 

“I made a dumb decision in your eyes and disobeyed you, why did you go out of your way to have me saved?” I ask him quietly. 

He doesn’t answer me right away, just runs his hands through his neat blonde hair, “Erwin?” I prompt him. 

“You know why.” He answers, meeting my (e/c) eyes with his mesmerizing blue ones. 

We both sit silently, just staring at each other. Then his eyes travel down my body, looking at all my injuries, gaze softening, “Hange told me about your leg, nice work.” 

“Thanks,” I laugh nervously, “Broken leg and broken ribs, compliments of the female titan.” 

He scrunches up his eyebrows and looks me in the eyes again, “I was going to ask you about that, how did you escape the female titan? Eren said he remembers you trying to help him, but that the female titan got a hold of you.” 

“She just squeezed me and then threw me,” I explain, “I remember feeling her breaking my ribs as she squeezed me, but instead of killing me she just decided to throw me.”

“Why didn’t she just kill you like she did with almost everyone else she came into contact with?” Erwin ponders more to himself than to me. 

“Almost?” I give him a confused look, “I thought she did kill everyone else that got in her way.”

“It appears Armin, Reiner and Jean survived a direct encounter with her as well.” He answers me thoughtfully.

“Well here is something else for you to ponder over,” I chuckle, “When I woke up in the forest after our encounter with the female titan, I used my ODM gear to try and find shelter. But I ran into a titan that almost killed me, but the female titan saved me.”

Erwin’s eyes went wide, I could practically see the gears turning in his brain. 

“She went out of her way to save me, and then just left me there.”

“We’ll have to talk about this more when you’re feeling better,” Erwin says softly, reaching up to tuck some stray hairs behind my ears, “I’ll let you get some rest, but this conversation isn’t over.” 

He gets up and makes his way towards the door, but I see him pause as his hand hovers over the door handle. He seems to contemplate something, then turns around and makes his way back towards me. 

Erwin sits carefully on my bed and gently pulls me in to a warm hug. I shakily return the embrace, his chest is too big I can’t reach my arms all the way around him. 

“I’m glad you’re alive,” He whispers to me, making me shiver a bit, “Don’t act so recklessly again okay? Or next time I’ll have to punish you.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t mind being punished if it was by you.” I comment quietly. Oh gods, what am I saying? 

Erwin releases me so he can look at my face again, he’s biting his lip a bit, “Were you not in this condition I would make you come to my office for your ‘punishment’, and you would not be permitted to leave for a couple days at least.”

He chuckles when he sees my face go completely red and kisses my forehead gently, “Good night, (y/n). I hope you sleep well.” 

I was too flustered to bid him a good night. Looks like I may be having another sleepless night.


	24. Chapter 24: Guilt

Levi’s POV 

I was trying my hardest to avoid seeing (y/n) right away, I know she is probably tired, and I want to yell at her when she is completely alert. Of course that’s not the only reason I want to see her. 

My usual restless nights have become even more so when she hasn’t been here. If the brat would stop being so fucking stubborn, we wouldn’t have had to send people out to get her. I know I’m trying really hard to justify my actions, I know wanting to go out and get her was not in everyone’s best interest. 

I hate that this girl has me wrapped around her finger. When did I turn into this person? I never mixed personal feelings with being a solider before. I always felt people who did were stupid and naive. Yet here I am, intentionally going out of my way to protect 1 cadet. 

“Hey Shorty!” I hear Hange’s annoying voice coming to sit with me at my table, “I saw you over here drinking your tea angrily. Must be thinking about (y/n).” 

I didn’t respond to her, just did my best to ignore her, but she is the type of person who absolutely refuses to be ignored. “Erwin was just up visiting (y/n), I’m surprised you haven’t limped your way over there yet.” 

I put my tea down and give her a furious look, “What? I thought we weren’t allowed to see her until tomorrow!” 

“Yes technically, but Erwin saw her trying to escape when he was leaving the hospital wing. She is so adorable.” Hange laughed. 

Without saying anything, I push myself up from the table and head toward the hospital wing, “She’s on the first floor!” Hange calls after me, “Last room on the right!” 

Damnit! Erwin was already able to see her. He certainly is fast. I make my way as quickly as I can to the hospital wing. When I get to her door anger starts to bubble up inside of me. She wouldn’t be in this position if she had just followed my instructions. Why can’t she just let me try and keep her safe? 

I calm myself down before entering, I don’t want to yell at her yet, I just want to see her. That alone will make me feel better. 

I walk slowly into the room, “(y/n)?” I call to her, but I was met with nothing but silence. Is she sleeping?

I walk over to her bed and find her sound asleep, curled up with the blankets wrapped around her. I couldn’t help but smile a little bit, she really is adorable when she’s asleep. 

Her blankets are wrapping around her, so I can’t see her injuries. The only thing not covered is her head. Her (h/l) (h/c) hair is tucked neatly behind her ears. 

I play with a few strands of her hair between my fingers slowly. All the anger built up is quickly snuffed out when I see her. The frustration is quickly turned into affection, and that is driving me insane. Such a new feeling to be experiencing. This is getting really annoying. 

I feel myself getting more and more drowsy. I guess I’m finally able to let myself sleep more soundly now that I have seen her. I lay my head down on the side of her bed, and I can feel myself fall asleep. 

Your POV 

I slowly flutter my eyes open as I feel the warm light of the sun. I try to stretch as much as my aching ribs and leg would allow. I was graced with another dreamless sleep, I wonder how long that will last. 

I look to my left and see a sleeping Captain Levi. I can’t help but smile a little when I see that. He doesn’t seem like the type of person to fall asleep in front of anybody. He must be sleeping less than usual, probably my fault. 

I run my fingers gently through his raven hair so I can get a better look at his face. The dark circles that are usually under his eyes seem bigger than usual. I feel bad for making everyone worry, as well as frustrated that they even bothered wasting effort on saving me. 

I feel Levi stir a bit under my hand and open his steel eyes, “Morning honey badger,” I greet him cheerfully, “Be a good boy and fetch me some water.” I clap my hands at him, giving him a smug smile, because I knew it would wind him up. 

He sits up and glares at me, “You have a lot of nerve, (l/n). You get nothing,” he growled at me as he grabbed my hand that was going through his hair, “But I do have some questions for you.” 

“I may have answers.” 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Levi asks. 

“You just looked so peaceful in your sleep,” I say sweetly, “I needed to push your hair back so I could see your adorable sleeping face.” 

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” 

“I don’t know what you mean, sir.” I answer teasingly. 

“Stop acting like a child!” Levi growls, clearly getting annoyed, but I can’t help myself. 

“Make me!” I say childishly. 

“Your current state may stop me from making you clean the stables or run laps, but it doesn’t protect you from a smack to that smart mouth.” He snarls dangerously. 

“Stop! I yield!” I laugh, not wanting to push him much farther, “Despite what you and Commander Erwin might think, I didn’t disobey you to be stubborn. I did it because I had a feeling the fight with the female titan wasn’t over, and I wasn’t about to abandon my squad to help Hange look after the wounded.” 

“Yeah! And a lot of help you ended up providing!” Levi started yelling, “How different would things have been if you hadn’t been there? There would have been no difference! Everyone else would still be dead, Eren would still have survived, and we wouldn’t have had to send 8 people after your stupid ass, and 3 people wouldn’t have died.” 

“I never asked anybody to save me!” I started to raise my voice too, “In fact, I expected you guys to leave me out there, because that’s what you should have done! I would have died, and it would have meant something! I would have died, but most of the people I saved would have lived! But now, I have to live with knowing 3 good people died for me! It shouldn’t have happened, Levi! You guys should have kept emotion out of the decision. If it were anyone else, other than Eren, you wouldn’t have let people come and look for me.” 

Levi is silent at that, so I continue, “You shouldn’t have allowed it. You and Erwin should have never allowed it.” 

My ribs groan from my yelling, so I stop and take a breather. Now that I sit and think about it, I do feel bad for yelling at him. But I felt so much guilt built up in me, and I’m lashing out. 

Levi hasn’t said anything, he just sits there staring blankly at his hands. His silence was killing me, I can handle him yelling at me, but I can’t handle the silence. I remove myself from my blankets and swing my legs over the side of the bed that Levi is on. 

“Levi,” I pull on his hands, trying to pull him up to me. He looks up at me and gently wraps his arms around me, “I’m sorry.” I whisper into his shoulder as I wrap my arms around him too. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help them.” I say to him as he holds me, “I couldn’t save them, I’m so sorry.” I had so much regret for being one of the only survivors of my squad. I’ve caught myself wishing I had died with them sometimes. 

“Idiot,” He muttered into my hair, “You’re alive, and you’re the one I can’t lose.” 

I noticed he was favouring his one leg while he was standing, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Levi says as he releases me from his embrace, “Female titan too.” 

“What happened?” I was curious to know what went on after I got knocked out. How did Eren get away? How did Levi get hurt? 

“After I found out our squad was wiped out, I went around looking for Eren.” He explained, sitting back down in his chair, “I found Mikasa chasing after the female titan, since she had Eren at the time.” 

“I’m surprised Mikasa’s glare wasn’t enough to finish off the female titan.” I laugh. 

“I told her it was useless trying to kill the female titan,” Levi continues, “We should have just saved Eren and got out of there. But she stupidly tried to go in for the kill. I had to save her, so that’s how I hurt my ankle.” 

“Wait, did you try and scold her for making a poor decision, based on personal feelings?” I raise my eyebrows at him. 

“Don’t start with me, (l/n). You are already on thin ice with me.” He warns me. 

“Alright,” I laugh as I raise my hands up in defence, “Fair enough.” 

“Your turn,” Levi says, “Tell me what happened with the female titan. 

“After she appeared I stayed with Eren while the others went to face off with her,” I start to explain, staring down at my hands, “But she killed them, and I couldn’t stop Eren from turning into a titan. So I tried to help by going after her legs and her nape, but she grabbed me, broke some ribs and threw me quite a distance. I assume my leg broke when I fell to the ground.” 

“I’m surprised she didn’t just kill you.” Levi mutters thoughtfully. 

“I know, right?! But it gets weirder,” I continue, “When I woke up I had another run in with a titan while I was looking for shelter, and the female titan showed up out of nowhere and saved me. I’d have been eaten by that titan if it weren’t for her. The first time I had direct contact with her and she didn’t kill me. I could write that off from the fact she was also battling with Eren at the time, and didn’t particularly care to make sure I was dead. But my second direct encounter with her, there was no mistaking it, she kept me alive on purpose.” 

“Very strange,” Levi says quietly, “You need to get better soon, we’ll be having meetings with Erwin, Hange, Eren and some other cadets from the 104th trainee group.” 

“Why? Do they know something?” I question him. 

“I don’t know, but you should be there too.” 

“When is it?” 

“Tomorrow.” 

“... No thanks, I’ll stay in bed.” I smile at him sweetly. 

“I’ll drag you there if I have to.” He growls at me. 

“Any excuse to get your hands on me, huh?” I tease him. 

“There will be time for that when you’re better,” He smirked at me, “So make sure you focus on healing.” 

My cheeks go red and his smirk goes wider, “I have to go brat, some of us have work to do.” Levi patted the top of my head and left me alone. 

Erwin and Levi just make it a mission to make my heart beat as fast as it can. 

Eren’s POV 

I made up my mind, I don’t care what anyone says, I’m going to go see (y/n) after breakfast. I know I’m not in the best shape myself, but I’ve been dying to see her ever since the expedition. 

I still feel bad I was unconscious when we were heading back to HQ. If I had stayed awake maybe I could have remembered what happened to (y/n) faster, and we could have saved her right away. 

Armin was driving me insane with his questions, I haven’t really been speaking to many people other than Mikasa. He has something bugging him about the female titan and her identity, but I can’t help him. I don’t really know anything about her. 

“I want to go with you,” I hear Armin say from beside me, snapping me out of my own thoughts, “I know you’re planning on going to see (y/n), so I’m coming.” 

“Why?” I asked him, annoyed that he wanted to tag along. 

“I want to see if she knows anything more about the female titan that can help in identifying her,” Armin explained, “I may have my own theories, but I’d like to know what she may know as well.”

I shrug and we finish eating in silence. After we finish we make our way to the hospital wing. As we are walking there, we run into Captain Levi. 

“You brats better not forget about that meeting tomorrow,” Levi says to us as he passes, “Don’t be late.” 

We salute him as he walks by, he must have been in to visit (y/n). Jealousy flares up within me when I think of them spending time together alone. 

We reach (y/n)’s hospital room and slowly open the door. (Y/n) was sitting on the side of her bed, she looks up when she hears us come in and gives us a sweet smile that make us melt. 

I didn’t want to run over and hug her because I know she is hurt. (Y/n) must have seen my inner struggle and held out her arms toward me. This is the first time she has ever allowed me to hug her. She doesn’t typically like people touching her, but I was happy when she decided to let me embrace her. 

I pull her gently into my arms and breathe in her familiar sweet scent. “I was so worried about you!” I say into her (h/c) hair. 

“Get in line,” she laughed and patted my back, “I’m just glad to be alive I guess.” 

“It hasn’t been the same around here without you,” Armin says as I reluctantly let go, reaching his own arms around (y/n) now, “But now things can go back to normal.” 

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” She said as Armin released her, “I heard you had a direct encounter with the female titan too, Armin.” 

Armin nodded his head, “Yeah, it was an interesting encounter.” 

“Same here,” (y/n) commented quietly, “She let me go on a couple occasions.” 

“What?” Armin and I said in unison. 

“Yeah,” (y/n) sighed, “When she was fighting Eren she had an opportunity to get rid of me for good. But she only broke my ribs and threw me. Then later when I was finding shelter, a titan got a hold of me and she came out of nowhere and saved me by killing the titan that had me.” 

We both stare at her in disbelief, mouths agape, not understanding why the female titan would do such a thing after all the people she killed. 

She chuckles at the shocked looks on our faces, and reaches under our chins to close our mouths. 

I look over to Armin and I can see he is deep in thought. I wonder what he is trying to work out in his mind. 

“I’m sorry, (y/n).” I say quietly while looking down at my hands. 

“What for?” 

“You were left out there because of me. If I had woken up and remembered right away what happened, you wouldn’t have been stuck out there for as long as you were.” 

I feel her rest her hand on my shoulder, “Technically I wasn’t supposed to be there at all. Commander Erwin and Captain Levi both ordered me to go back with Hange, but I decided that you were the priority, Eren. I had a feeling that she would come back.” 

I can feel my face heat up, “Thank you, but yeah, you probably should have gone with Hange.” 

“Et tu, Eren?” She laughed nervously, “Well Armin, I’ve been waiting to pick your brain. What was your first impression of the female titan?” 

“When I ran into her I thought I was done for,” Armin started to explain, “But she didn’t kill me, she just pulled back my hood, looked at my face then left me behind.” 

“Guess she was disappointed that you weren’t Eren.” (Y/n) comments. 

“Yeah, I was able to guess that was probably who she was after,” Armin continued, “Even more so when she responded to me saying, ‘suicidal idiot’, which anyone from our trainee group knows I’m referring to Eren.” 

“So the suspect is someone you trained with huh? That’s awkward. But that was pretty smart Armin,” (y/n) chuckled while patting him on the head, making his face go red, “Have you already told Commander Erwin?” 

“Not yet,” Armin sighed, “They’ve been pretty busy trying to get you back, I haven’t really had the chance to talk to him about it. But I’m going to go see him today, then maybe we can discuss it more in the meeting tomorrow.” 

“You better go do that then, Armin,” I say to him, nudging his arm a bit, “He’s a pretty busy man.” 

Armin seemed to take the hint and waved goodbye at the both of us as he left the room. 

“I’m sorry, (y/n).” I sighed once Armin left. 

“Why?”

“I wasn’t able to help you, all I could think about in that moment was to kill the female titan. I didn’t even notice her grab you and throw you, until it was too late.” 

“Eren,” I feel her hand on my shoulder again as she speaks, “Don’t be sorry, I shouldn’t have got in between 2 intelligent titans fighting.” 

I put my hand over the hand she still had on my shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save our squad mates.” 

“I’m sorry too.” She smiled at me sadly. 

“Mind if I stick around for a bit longer? Just to chat.” I ask her nervously. 

“Of course.” 

We spent a couple hours just talking. She told me about what she went through after she was left behind, and I told her about life here without her. 

I would have spent all day with her, but Captain Levi dragged me away around lunch time. She seemed to be in good spirits, but it’s so hard to tell with her sometimes. (Y/n) is usually pretty good at masking her emotions. 

Author’s POV 

Lawrence was sitting in his office looking through some papers. Most of his colleagues couldn’t sit still knowing you were back from beyond the walls. But he loved that you returned, you are still his favourite toy after all. 

He is startled out of his thoughts of you by knocking at the door. “Enter.” He growled at whoever was behind the door. 

A tall man with curly golden hair and frantic amber eyes burst through the door. “Conrad, what do you want?” Lawrence snarled at him, pushing some of his silvery blonde hair away from his face. 

“(Y/n) is back, did you not hear?” Conrad asked him nervously. 

“Of course I heard you idiot. Some of us actually have brains in our skulls. It’s a wonder why Katrina ended your marriage.” Lawrence scoffs at him. 

“I didn’t think she would actually leave me!” Conrad said desperately, “Katrina always turned a blind eye when I was out with other women. Too afraid to confront me about it because she didn’t want to lose me. Now all of a sudden she grew a back bone.” 

“It’s because you lost your hold over her!” Lawrence yelled furiously, “You stopped trying to keep her infatuated with you! You became Conrad to her, and stopped being Helios! Now what am I going to do? Out of (y/n)’s 3 siblings, she was the easiest to manipulate. With you out of the picture she will never marry another one of my pets.” 

Conrad stopped to think for a moment before responding, “Maybe Benjamin. Elizabeth wouldn’t fall for any of us, but Benjamin might. It might work if you offer up someone who knew (y/n) well.” 

Lawrence considers Conrad’s words. It’s true he won’t be able to manipulate Katrina again, he knows this. Not to mention the fact that her father, David, is not pleased with the situation with Conrad and Katrina. Not enough to crumble their friendship, but enough to strain it and make him question it. 

Lawrence tried in the past to set Elizabeth up, but that wouldn’t work. She is not an easy one to manipulate. Katrina was the easiest, she was desperate to be involved in a world she considered to be glamorous. She was always jealous of you so she has always been easy to manipulate. 

But she is not an option anymore, so Benjamin will have to do. ‘Perhaps Celeste will do’. Lawrence thought to himself, ‘Not only is she a close friend of (y/n)’s, but Benjamin will trust her too with her history with (y/n)’. 

“I mean, I could try to work on Elizabeth,” Conrad said, interrupting Lawrence’s thoughts, “I found her to be quite attracted to me on a few occasions before Katrina and I got married.” He puffed out his chest proudly, stroking his own ego. 

“Do you know what I hate more than disobedient pets?” Lawrence asks, giving a dangerous look to Conrad, “Over confident pets who think they are worth more to me than they actually are.” 

“My apologies, sir.” Conrad said quietly. 

“Go find Clio, and tell her to meet me in my office tomorrow.” Lawrence orders Conrad. 

Conrad bows to Lawrence before heading out of his office. 

Lawrence didn’t know why he hadn’t thought about using Celeste against you. You always stood up for her and protected her as best you could. Celeste was very special to you, but unlike you she is weak minded. Lawrence knew exactly how to turn her against you.


	25. Chapter 25: Plots and Plans

Your POV 

I was sitting with Levi and Eren, waiting for the rest of the people to arrive for the meeting. I was getting used to the crutches on my way down, and can get around a little easier. 

I hear Levi and Eren chat about something, but I wasn't really paying much attention to what they were saying. I'm excited to hear what is going to happen next. If Armin really knows the identity of the female titan that is amazing news! I have to heal up fast so I can help in anyway I can. 

"Sorry to keep you waiting," I hear Erwin's familiar voice as he steps into the room, "Glad you made it, (y/n). How are you feeling?" 

"I'm well, sir." I nod at him, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about taking down the female titan.

Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Hange and another cadet I didn't really know follow Erwin into the room and take seats. 

"Alright," Erwin started, sitting down next to me, causing me to smirk when I see the pissed off look on Levi's face, "I'll make this brief and to the point. Cadet Arlert here believes he can identify the female titan, she is someone in the Military Police." 

Armin was sitting on the other side of me, "That's my smart boy!" I squeal and give him a quick kiss on his cheek. I didn't have to look around at the men in the room to know they are all glaring at me. 

It took Armin a minute to compose himself, "Yes well, I have reason to believe it's Annie Leonhart." 

I hear Eren gasp when he hears the name of the girl, "Armin, come on you can't be serious. Annie is our friend, we trained together! She taught me how to fight! What are you even saying?" 

"Wait," I gasp, "Is she the one you told me about when I was helping you with your hand to hand combat? The one I said, 'you'll see her again someday', about? The one I said I would like to meet one day?" 

Eren looks at me and nods. I can't help but burst out laughing, "Don't take this personally, Eren, but I don't think I'll get along with her very well." 

I know it's an inappropriate time to laugh, but I can't help it, irony is my weakness I suppose. I can laugh in the weirdest situations, "I'm sorry, it's not funny, it's not funny." I tell myself quietly. 

"Anyway, I know it's hard for you to understand Eren, but I'm sure I'm right." Armin tried to reassure Eren. 

"Well where is your evidence, Armin?" Eren countered, "You can't accuse someone of something like this without proof." 

"You mean other than the fact they look a lot alike?" Armin argued, "She knew I was referring to you when I said, 'suicidal maniac' for one-" 

"So what?" Eren interrupted Armin, "A lot of people would have made that connection!" Eren must really care about this Annie person, it's kind of sad watching him try to defend her. 

"Eren, you wouldn't have known this because you were already in the scouts at the time, but after that mystery person killed Hange's titan subjects, we were asked to submit our gear for inspection," Armin affirmed, "When Annie put her gear forward, I realized it wasn't her's, it was Marco's. She was trying to hide her actual gear, don't you find that suspicious?" 

Eren is silent, he seems at a loss for words. "Come on, Eren," Armin continues, "When you were fighting her, did you not recognize any of her moves? She helped you train right? You would know better than anyone what her fighting style was like." 

Eren seems deep in thought. I remember hearing about Hange's titan subjects being killed by someone who was skilled with 3DMG. Anyone who killed those titans is not on the side of humanity, that much is clear. 

"Each of those individual pieces of evidence may not prove anything on their own," Armin sighed, "But when you put them all together, it is far too suspicious to ignore." 

Still, it must be hard for Eren to come to terms with the fact that someone he considered a good friend and mentor, may actually be the female titan. 

"Anyway," Erwin clears his throat, "Since we know her identity we can make a better plan of attack. I was hoping to do this sooner, but I believe we should wait a few weeks until Levi and (y/n) are in better shape to help. We will need as many skilled soldiers as we can get. Plus the female titan may let her guard down a little more if we don't act right away." 

"Do we have the time to wait?" Hange inquires, "Haven't they sent a summons for Eren yet?" 

"Not yet," Erwin answers, "But we can't step foot in the capital yet, as soon as we do Eren will be taken into their custody. I propose we use Stohess district as a means to trap the female titan. We'll send in a convoy and use Eren as bait. Stohess has a series of underground passageways, we can use that to lure the female titan underground. That way, if she transforms it will be very difficult for her to move." 

"What if she doesn't fall for your little trap?" I question him, "What if she were to transform above ground?" 

"Then the fight will be up to Eren." He answered simply. 

"If that happens a lot of people will die, property will be destroyed." I comment more to myself than to Erwin. 

"Indeed," He nods, "The losses will be great, but think about what we will be gaining. Capturing the female titan will be a big step for humanity as a whole. If you say that's not worth it, I won't believe you. All victories come at a cost, but we have to continue pushing forward." 

"My best friend, Celeste, works in Stohess a lot," I bite my lip nervously, "Not to mention Peter's office is there too." 

"If the female titan is lured to the underground passageway, it is quite a distance from the lounge and Peter's office." Erwin reassures me. 

"But if she transforms above ground and runs, she can go in any direction," I argue, "There is no telling what she will do, and Eren will have to do everything he can to try and stop her. That will include buildings getting caught in the crossfire, killing those residents." 

"I'm aware of the risks, (y/n)," Erwin sighs, "It will be unfortunate if it comes to that, but we have to do what we have to do to capture the female titan." 

I chew on my lip nervously, I know we have to do this. But plans go wrong all the time, especially when it comes to titans. But I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to Celeste or Peter. Perhaps there is a way I can warn them without telling them what is going on.

I listen silently as they go on to talk about the operation in Stohess. Ideally I should be able to tell Peter at least, how will I even talk to Celeste? I haven't seen her in 3 years. She could be dead for all I know. 

Maybe I'll ask Peter about her, see if he can get her here somehow. Or maybe I can meet with her somewhere else... I'll ask Peter about it today, he should be in his office here today. 

Author's POV 

Conrad was making his way to Lawrence's office with Celeste. The terrified looking brown haired girl was visibly shaking at the thought of having Lawrence call her to his office like this. Usually when she gets called to the office it's for a punishment. But she has no idea what she may have done, she has been following all the rules and making her clients satisfied. 

When they reach Lawrence's door, Conrad knocks, "It's Helios sir, I've brought Clio." 

"Come in." Lawrence greets them from behind the door. 

Lawrence smiles at Celeste's terrified blue eyes, "Hello my pet, there is no need for you to worry, I have a job for you." He motions for her to take a seat in front of his desk. 

Conrad stands by the door, waiting to be dismissed or waved in by Lawrence. 

"How may I serve you, sir?" Celeste asks nervously. 

"Well, you see Clio, I have a bit of a problem and I was hoping you could help me with it." 

"Of course, sir," she replied automatically, "I'll do everything within my power." 

"Helios over there," Lawrence begins to explain, pointing his finger at an embarrassed looking Conrad, "Has lost his grip on a certain family I need to be in good graces with. Because of Helios' shameless gallivanting, I am in trouble with the Sanderson family." 

Celeste fidgets nervously in her seat, she knows where this conversation is going. 

"So," Lawrence gives her a sweet smile, "I need my Clio to get into Benjamin Sanderson's good graces." 

"(Y/n)'s brother?" She shivered. She has met him on various occasions, she has always liked him. He is a very kind man and cares a lot for you. 

"Yes. Also, if you agree to it, I will have a very special reward for you." Lawrence cajoled, "You had a baby recently, correct?" 

Celeste froze up completely as soon as he mentioned her son, and she could feel tears running down her face. 

"As you may have been informed, the father refuses to take responsibility for the child," Lawrence continues, giving her a wicked smile, "So, as you know, your baby will be sent to the underground and raised there." 

"No!" Celeste cried desperately, "Please, please let me have him. I beg you, sir!" 

Lawrence puts his hand up to her, silencing her immediately, "I'm prepared to allow you to keep custody of him and raise him here. But only if you do as I ask and seduce Benjamin Sanderson." 

Celeste couldn't stop herself from shaking, she had never felt so conflicted in her life. You were the only person who tried to protect her, the only one that looked out for her. She felt sick at the thought of betraying you.

But she knows what happens to any babies born to Lawrence's pets. If the fathers do not want the child, they are sent to the underground and raised under horrible conditions. Making them grow up in such a brutal environment just breeds more and more underground criminals. Lawrence takes precautions when it comes to his pets and birth control. The method isn't exactly ethical and doesn't always work. 

Celeste's baby was only a couple months old, and was taken from her right away. She loves you like a sister, but she's a mother now and she knows her baby will not have a good life being raised in the underground. 

'I'm so sorry, (y/n),' She thinks to herself, 'but I have to do this, I have to save my baby. Forgive me'. 

"What must I do?" Celeste asked Lawrence quietly. 

"That's what I like to hear!" Lawrence clapped his hands, "That's a good girl, Clio!" 

Celeste felt horrible having to go along with Lawrence. But she will do anything to protect her baby. She knows what they are raised to be underground, her baby wouldn't be the first baby sent to the underground, and he wouldn't be the last. 

But she has a chance to raise him herself, even if it means going behind your back, she will do what she must. 

Your POV

I was told to go straight back to the hospital wing after the meeting, but I wanted to wander around a bit. I hate being stuck in a bed all day, I just wanted some fresh air. 

I hopped along on my crutches and decided to sit out on the grass in the sun. I carefully set myself down on the ground and sigh with relief as I lay back and feel the sun on my skin. Not sure how I'm going to get up... What with my broken leg in an awkward cast, and my ribs hurting when I bend forward or back. But that's a problem for later.

I hum quietly to myself, eyes closed and enjoying the warmth of the sun. "What are you doing?" I hear a deep voice ask me from above. 

I open my eyes to see Mike smirking down at me, "Oh no, not you." I groan playfully. 

"What do you mean?" He crosses his arms and continues to stare down at me. 

"It hurts my neck to talk to you, you're too tall. Whenever I talk to you and you stare down at me like that, I feel like a helpless little woodland creature." 

Mike laughs and sits down next to me, "How were you planning on getting up?" 

"I was waiting for a big strong man to save me in my moment of need." I sigh dramatically. 

"I'll help you, but not if you're going to hold a knife to my throat again." Mike chuckled. 

"Are you not over that yet? That's just how we say 'Hello' in the underground." I tease him. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a more serious tone. 

"I feel fine, promise. I'm not having hallucinations anymore if that's what you're worried about. Oh! I completely forgot to ask! How did it go with the bar tender?" 

"You remember that?" He smirks at me, cheeks turning a light shade of red. 

"Of course I do, she was a hottie! Were I not so drunk at the time, I would have stolen her from you." I wink at him while returning his smirk. 

"Yeah well she was hitting on Erwin first." I can feel a little hint of jealousy flare up in me a bit. I've never been a jealous person... But I can be territorial, a 'get off my lawn' kind of person. But Erwin isn't mine and neither is Levi for that matter. But I still feel a little hint of 'being territorial' when I think of either of them being with anyone else. 

I can hear Mike laugh at the face I'm making, "Don't worry, he didn't respond to her advances at all. He was too distracted by a certain someone." 

"True," I agree, "His one true love is and will always be Titans."

"That's not what I meant." 

"Oh!" I gasp, "You meant Captain Levi?! I knew it!" 

"You're hopeless." Mike sighed and lay down next to me, looking up at the sky. 

We were both just enjoying the gentle breeze and the quiet together when I hear a voice. A voice that makes me shoot back up into a sitting position, groaning in pain from my ribs because of my sudden movement, "(y/n) (l/n)!" 

It was Ellen stomping towards me. When she reaches me she lowers herself to my level so she can be close to my face. 

"When you came to Peter's office after you were assaulted by Lawrence, you told me you wouldn't do anything reckless! You promised to come back unscathed! You said not to worry, you would be fine! That's what you said, you said that to me!" Ellen chastised me as I just give her an innocent look. 

"Well, I did make it back though!" I smile at her, hopefully she will accept the brighter side of the situation. 

"I could strangle you, do you know how worried I was?!" Ellen fumed, "What would I have told Jack and Ellie?" 

"That you released me back into the wild to be with my own kind, or brought me out to a farm somewhere where I can run free, or whatever lie you tell children when their pet does." I offer, giggling a little bit. 

"(Y/n)!" 

"Ellen, you may have to get used to the idea of me dying. That just comes with the job, I'm sorry that I made you worry. I won't promise you my safe return anymore." I appealed to her, hoping it will calm her down a bit. 

"Come on," She sighed at me as she stood up straight, "The kids are here, they're with Peter." 

"Okay," I smile at her and try to get up on my own. Mike notices my struggle and lifts me to my feet for me and grabs my crutches. 

"Than you." I nod at him as I follow Ellen into HQ and toward Peter's office. 

Author's POV 

Reiner and Bertolt were relieved when they heard that you were okay. The last time they met with Annie before the expedition, they asked her to leave you alive if possible. 

Honestly, they didn't think she would, but she did as they asked and kept you alive. When they came back from the expedition they heard a rumour that you did not return. They didn't believe it at first, but it turned out to be true in the end. They worried about you alongside everyone else on base. 

There was talk about them sending a group of volunteers out to find you, and of course they offered right away. But they only wanted experienced soldiers out there. 

They had to fight the urge to go out and find you themselves. Reiner wanted to transform and take you to the outer edges of the island. He was hoping maybe Zeke would be there, and hopefully they could somehow convince him to take you somewhere safe. Away from the carnage that is inevitably going to go down on this island. 

They were surprised when they realized you actually gave them the correct position in formation that Eren was in. Reiner was able to confirm it with Armin when they were on the expedition and was able to communicate that to Annie out in the field when they ran into her. 

There isn't much they can do for you now, if they are planning on a counter attack against Annie, they haven't heard anything about it. But they agree to try and keep their ears and eyes open just in case, it's too dangerous to ask outright. They can't draw any attention to themselves. 

Meanwhile, in the capital Celeste is making her way back to Lawrence's residence after a short session with a client. The man was usually gentle with her, so he was a nice client to have. Being requested by him almost felt like a break. 

As she turns the corner she runs right into Benjamin, "Oh! Sorry Celeste!" He laughs after bumping into her and catching her so she wouldn't lose her balance, "I wasn't paying attention, I was just looking for Helios." 

"To punch him?" Celeste giggles nervously, "I heard about him and Katrina." 

"Yeah, I love saying I told you so to her, especially after she put (y/n) down so much for her warning her about him. But she is still my sister, and I do still feel I should defend her honour." Benjamin admits to her. 

"How is (y/n)? Is she well? I heard she is back safe inside the walls." 

Benjamin's grey eyes narrow a bit when he thought about you and how you almost died out there. He felt guilty, he's your older brother and he wanted to do everything he could to help you. But he couldn't and it weighed on him a lot. 

"Yes, I was going to go see her in a few days. I need to have a talk with her about her life choices." Benjamin said, rubbing his long dark brown hair anxiously. He had always had a little crush on Celeste. She is pretty, kind and the fact that you trust and love her. 

"May I go with you?" Celeste asked carefully, "I haven't seen her in years, I miss her so much." 

"Of course," Benjamin agreed quickly, "I'll come get you with my carriage in 3 days, in the morning if that's okay with you." 

Celeste only smiles sweetly and nods at him. Benjamin walks her the rest of the way to her dorm and bid her farewell. 

As soon as she closed the door behind her, she cried silently to herself. She prayed for her son and prayed for you to have mercy on her. 

Erwin's POV 

"Hange, is there a reason why you're still here?" I grumbled at Hange as she continues to stare at me behind my desk. 

"No reason," Hange tries to say nonchalantly, "I just thought you would enjoy some company while looking through your mail after I brought it to you!" 

I narrow my eyes suspiciously at her, what is she playing at? "Oh!" She exclaims suddenly, "This looks like an interesting invitation!" She grabs a letter out of the stack I was currently going through. 

I yank it out of her hand, "Hange, what are you doing?" I chastised her, "I'm pretty sure those are addressed to me, not you." 

"I know," she groaned impatiently, "But it's an invitation to a fancy party!" 

"Yes, and?" I growled, "Commanders within the different regiments always get invitations to things like this. I never go, why should this be any different?" 

"Well if you were to bring a date... Maybe there is a certain pretty little (h/c) haired girl you could invite..." Hange encouraged me. She has the subtly of an abnormal titan who has their sites set on you. 

I was about to wave off her suggestion, but she may be right. It may be nice to get away from HQ with her. It is in Orvud District, so it's not like I'm inviting her to go into the capital. 

"Little bit of drinking, little bit of dancing, then you can invite her back to your room and-" 

"I get it, Hange," I interrupt her, "I'll consider it." 

"Okay!" Hange smiles brightly, "Alright, I'll leave now, see you at dinner!" 

Ah, so that's why she was hanging around. I look at the invitation again. The date is set about a week after our plan to capture the female titan in Stohess. I look at the name on the invitation, Harvey Banning. I believe he is a prestigious doctor who is also a nobleman on the king's council. I wonder if (y/n) has met him before. 

I don't know if I'll go, I guess it depends on how angry the higher ups get after we complete our mission in Stohess. That being said, it may be nice to spend alone time with (y/n) in a different setting.


	26. Chapter 26: Discord

Your POV 

Peter seemed to be very amused by Ellen’s constant lecturing of me. I just sat there and took it, no point in arguing with this woman. I know she was just worried about me, the least I can do is just hear her out and nod occasionally. 

But it was great seeing Jack and Ellie again, they were super excited to see me. But they were also careful not to touch any major injuries. I listen to how they have been, well Ellie mostly talked, Jack would interject here and there, but that was normal for them. 

I was having so much fun with them I didn’t even notice it was getting close to dinner time. Peter seemed especially annoyed today, I wonder what is going on with him. But he decided to come down and have dinner with the kids and I in the Mess Hall regardless. 

We get to the Mess Hall early enough to find an empty table in the corner of the room, perfect. Jack and Ellie sit on each side of me and Peter sits across from me. He brought some papers with him to sign while he picks off his tray. Ellen stayed up in Peter’s office, I’m not sure what she is doing but she said she would be down soon. 

Ellie is busy telling me about a couple new toys she obtained since the last time I saw her, and Jack is listening, but is more focused on his food. 

“Aw! Who are these guys?” I hear Hange’s familiar squeal as she sat down next to Ellie. “Peter’s kids,” I answer her, “They stopped by to visit me along with their mother, Ellen.” 

The kids introduced themselves to Hange and started asking her tons of questions about titans. Better her than me, she is the titan expert after all. 

“Shouldn’t you be back in the hospital wing?” I look up to see Levi glaring at me as he sat on the other side of the table. 

“Come on, sir,” I whine, “I’m fine! I can move around on my crutches well enough and my ribs don’t hurt as much. I’m not having hallucinations and I’m not dehydrated or starving. So just let me be, please!” 

“She’s fine for now, Levi,” Erwin chuckles as he sits beside him, “She’s well enough to be out on her own, plus she is with Dr. Thompson.” 

“Fine,” Levi mutters, “But starting tomorrow you’re staying in the hospital wing. I won’t risk you hurting your clumsy ass even more until you’re fully healed.” 

I was about to argue with him, but then I realized he was right... I want to make sure I am fit to go on the operation we are planning in Stohess, so I better be careful. Plus, I am trying to be more obedient and following instructions instead of deviating to the point of no return. 

Having more people at the table made Ellie overjoyed. She loves to chat and ask questions, so this is right up her ally. Jack however gets even more shy in front of new people, so he says very little. 

I laugh when Ellie starts directing her questions towards Levi. He scowls constantly and doesn’t really answer any of her questions, which seems to amuse Ellie even more. Levi must not be very good with kids. 

“Peter Thompson!” Everyone from my table turned to look up and see Ellen standing behind Peter with something in her hand. 

“That’s Ellen,” I say to Hange, Erwin and Levi, I doubt any of them have met her yet. Levi saw Ellen briefly when he sold me out to her and Peter when I was trying to avoid them after Laurie’s attack, “Peter’s ex-wife and mother to their children.” 

Peter turns around to look at her but scowls when he sees the letter she is holding in front of him, “What are you doing with that? We’re not married anymore! Go through Paul’s things, I didn’t divorce you to spend more time with you bothering me.” 

“When were you going to tell me you were invited to go to a party for Harvey fucking Banning?!” Ellen shouted at Peter. Jack and Ellie both cover their ears when they hear Ellen swear. 

My ears perk up when I hear the name ‘Harvey Banning’. Now that I look at the letter she is waving around, I do recognize it. I got a similar letter this morning when I was eating my breakfast. 

I’ve never met him personally, but I do know who he is. I’ve heard Laurie mention him a few times before. All I know for sure is he used to come to some of my shows and he wants me to sing a song or 2 at this party for him. I was going to just reject the invitation, but he’s a member of the king’s council. If I can sneak away from the party, I may be able to find out some interesting information. So I already decided that I would go. 

“Why did you get invited, Peter?” I ask him curiously. 

“We trained together when we were studying medicine, even worked on some studies together. He probably wants to rub his success in my face.” Peter shrugged and gives me a bored expression. 

“He’s not only a talented and famous physician,” Ellen sighed dramatically, “But he’s also handsome and so very charming. Peter is just jealous that he will never be as successful as Harvey.” 

“I met him before actually, when he and Peter were working together,” Ellen continues as she sits down beside Peter, “I would have gone out with him had I not been married to Peter at the time.” She nudges Peter who is trying very hard to ignore her. 

“Anyway, since you obviously don’t want to go, how about you give your invitation to me.” Ellen suggested to Peter. 

“Why?” Peter smirks, “You give yourself too much credit, he won’t even remember who you are.” 

I let out a gasp, “Oh no! Shots fired! Shots fired!” I grab Ellie and Jack and hide myself under the table with them, ignoring the pain in my sides, “Get down get down! Mom and Dad are about to go at it!” 

Usually the two of them get along really well, especially when it comes to them co-parenting. But something Peter will let slip a little jab here and there if Ellen is annoying him, and sometimes she will go off on him. 

“That’s fine Peter, I’ll go and see him anyway. I’ll let him know you are still bitter over the past, and couldn’t bring yourself to be the better person and just congratulate him.” I hear Ellen say in a calm voice, which shocked me, I thought she was going to smack him for sure. 

“It was my research too,” Peter mumbled to her, “It’s despicable what he did, and I can’t believe you’re still in awe of him.” 

“Well I’m sure (y/n) would like to come with me, won’t you love?” Ellen called to me. Jack, Ellie and I peek our heads up from under the table and crawled back into our seats. 

“I already got an invitation.” I giggle at the surprised look on Ellen’s face. “How did you get one?” 

“He came to a couple of my shows and liked my voice, so I’m invited to perform there.” I shrug like it’s no big deal. 

“You’re not going, are you?” Peter glares at me. 

“Of course I’m going,” I replied, “I’m not passing up an opportunity to do some digging.” 

“That’s great!” Hange shouted suddenly, “Erwin is going too!” 

I raise my eyebrows at Erwin, “Is that so? I didn’t think you would agree to something like that.” I giggle. 

“It’s not a for sure thing,” Erwin replies, “I don’t know if I’m going to go, as you said, it’s not really something I would normally agree to do.” 

“You should go,” I encourage him, “It’ll be interesting.” 

I give Levi a smirk as I notice him glaring at Erwin and I. 

“You shouldn’t go, (y/n).” Peter says to me quietly, “I know what you’re thinking.” 

I stiffen at his words. I know he’s worried about the possibility of me being at a party so close to the capital, and with a lot of people who I have met under various circumstances. But Harvey is a doctor and he’s close with the king. There has to be something I can find at his residence, maybe something about the titans. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling I’ll learn or remember something of value if I go. 

“What do you mean?” I ask him innocently, “I’m just fulfilling an obligation.” 

Peter probably knows exactly what I’m planning on doing. I’ll be doing it on my own though, I refuse to ask for anyone else’s help, not after using people when I worked for Laurie. I’m not that person anymore. 

“Yes!” Ellen clapped her hands, “I’m so excited for this now! Since Peter won’t be using his invitation, I’ll use it for him.” 

“Are you going to take Paul then?” I ask her, amused by how excited it made her to see this man again. 

“Probably, what about you (y/n)? Who are you going to bring, you have a plus one too don’t you?” Ellen queried. 

“No,” I shake my head, “The entertainment doesn’t get a plus one.” 

“I’ll go with you, (y/n)!” Jack speaks up for the first time in awhile, “Someone has to protect you from all the men!”

“Oh Jack, I wouldn’t make you come to this,” I laugh and put my hand on his shoulder, “It’s just going to be adults dressing up and pretending they get along with each other. Trust me, I’m doing you a favour by not taking you.” 

I was starting to feel really tired at this point, so I finish the rest of my dinner quickly while everyone around me continued to chat amongst themselves. 

“Alright,” I yawn after I finish, “I’m heading off to bed, see you guys later.” I kiss both Jack and Ellie before I stand from my seat and grab my crutches. 

“I’ll walk you there.” Peter says as he stands up too. “But mooooooommm,” I groan, “I’m not that helpless!” 

“I’m just making sure you actually go back to your hospital room and not your dorm room.” He smirks at my whining. 

I roll my eye at him and wave goodbye at everyone else at the table. Peter made sure he slowed his pace to walk next to me. 

“Do you think it’s a trap?” He asks me quietly as we continue walking down the deserted corridor. 

“For what? They know I’m here, what would be the point in luring me to a party to get me?” 

“You’re surrounded by soldiers here, (y/n),” Peter reminds me, “People everywhere who can and are willing to protect you. If you go to this party you’re not going to have a lot of people there that are willing to stick their necks out for you.” 

“I don’t need them to,” I argue, “I can handle myself, Peter. More importantly, do you think it’s worth me going? Do you think Dr. Banning will have information I could find interesting?” 

“I’m sure he has many interesting secrets, he has worked in the capital for so long now. I don’t know how tight security will be though. So you better figure out a good plan.” 

“I know,” I sigh, “I’ll think of something, I always do.” 

“Erwin may be there,” He reminded me, “Maybe you can coordinate something with him.” 

“I’m not using people like that anymore.” I respond seriously. 

“You wouldn’t even have to ask him,” He pushes, “You know he will be more than willing to help you and you’ll have a lower chance of getting caught.” 

“Of course I know he would help without a moments pause,” I retort, “But I won’t put him in a position that will jeopardize his safety.” 

Peter stops in his tracks, causing me to stop too, “What’s wrong?” 

He starts chuckling, “Oh nothing, it’s so nice of you to care for Erwin so much.” 

“Shut up,” I glare at him as my cheeks go red, “Let’s go.” 

“Now that I think of it, I notice you’re pretty close with Levi too.” He says as he raises his eyebrows at me. 

“I knew it was a bad idea to let you escort me back to my room.” 

Time skip, 3 days later 

Your POV 

Ugh I’m so bored. I’m not allowed to train or do anything really. I have people coming in to visit me when they can, but more than anything I want to be able to leave with them. But nope, I have to stay here and wait to heal. 

It was about noon and I was just waiting for my lunch. They really are being protective, I can at least hop down to the Mess Ball and eat there. 

Screw this, I’m tired of this boring room. I was getting ready to get up when I heard a knock at the door, “Yeah?” 

The door opens and in walks my brother, “Ben!” I laugh with delight, holding out my arms to him. He crosses the room in a few quick strides and pulls me into a hug, “Ah!” I yelp as he squeezed me a little too hard. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben whispers, “Did that hurt?” 

“Yes, but -“ 

“Good!” He shouts as he squeezes me again. 

“Ow! Ben!” 

“What the hell, (y/n)?! I believed you when you reassured us that you would be okay in the scouts. I knew something like this would happen!” I’ve never seen him so angry before. 

“Ben, let her go, she’s alive and that’s what matters.” I hear another voice, a female one this time. 

I look over to the door and see a pretty girl with blue eyes and short brown hair, “Celeste!” I cry out when I see her. 

She hurried over to me and Ben reluctantly let go of me so she could embrace me. It felt so good to see her again, from what I could tell she looked well. I didn’t see any new scars or bruises which relieved me. 

“How did you manage to get Laurie to give you time off to come here?” I ask her. 

She gives me a nervous look, “He doesn’t know I’m here, I came on my own accord.” I give her a weird look. This is odd, she was terrified to ask for a sick day when we worked together. But now she is able to just leave and come and see me... Very strange. 

“Well I’m glad to see you again,” I say, trying to push my thoughts to the back of my mind, “How have you been?” 

“No no no, you first (y/n),” Ben interjects, “Tell m everything.” 

I obey and outline everything that happened on the expedition. They both listened to me closely and didn’t say anything until I was done. 

I ask Ben how mom was and he got quiet. Her moods have been getting worse apparently, and the mood swings have gotten more dramatic. 

Celeste said very little about life working for Laurie. But she really didn’t have to say anything, I know all too well what it is like living and working with him. But at least she seems to be doing rather well considering the circumstances, which I am grateful for. 

“So, what are you 2 doing here together?” I finally ask the question that has been on the back on my mind since they got here. 

“I ran into her while I was looking for Conrad.” Ben answered me in a dangerous tone. 

“Uh oh, what did the sun god do?” I roll my eyes when I hear his name. 

“Slept with too many women that weren’t Katrina.” 

“Well obviously, anyone with any kind of sense who knew him saw that coming a mile away.” 

“I thought for sure you were going to break out into uncontrollable laughter.” Ben chuckles. 

“Why? Everyone knew it was coming. Plus I already laughed about it a while ago.” 

“Ah, I see. Anyway, Celeste asked if she could come with me when I mentioned I was coming to see you.” Ben finally answers. 

“Okay,” I give them both a suspicious look, Ben has gone after quite a few of my co-workers, so I don’t know whether to believe if they are just friends or not. I mean, if they were seeing each other it wouldn’t be the worst thing. Celeste deserves some happiness, “Well I’m glad you could both come, I wanted to request something from both of you.” 

They both raise their eyebrows at me and wait for me to continue, “Celeste, you still work a lot at the lounge in Stohess, correct?” 

She nods and grimaces in response. “Ben, do you still find your way into Stohess often?” 

“Periodically,” He nods, “I meet with some clients for my father there.” 

“Okay, I need you to avoid going to Stohess in exactly 3 weeks.” I say matter-of-factly. 

“Why?” Ben asks, narrowing his gaze and crossing his arms at me. 

“That’s classified.” 

“Oh, in that case, of course!” Ben smiles widely at me. 

“Really? Thank you!” 

“No! (Y/n), I’m a grown ass man who has business in Stohess weekly. You want me to skip out on important clients, and you won’t tell me the reason why? Forget it (y/n), no deal.” Ben scolded me. 

“I’m sorry Ben, I can’t go into details,” I give him a pleading look, “Just trust me okay? Just don’t go there for one day, I’m sure you won’t get into trouble with your clients for missing one day.” 

Ben sees the desperation and seriousness in my eyes and sighs heavily as he runs his fingers through his long dark brown hair. 

“Celeste,” I address her next, “I don’t care if you have to take a sick day or try your hardest to get a patron to request you to their home that day. But please, make it happen, just trust me, I beg you.” 

Celeste bites her lip and stares at me like she is about to cry, what is going on with her? 

“Okay,” She finally says, giving me a small reassuring smile, “I won’t go to Stohess on this day in a few weeks time.” 

I return her smile and look back at Ben, waiting for him to reconsider, “Fine fine,” He throws his hands up in defeat, “I’ll trust you on this.” 

“Make sure the rest of the family doesn’t go either,” I instruct him, “I doubt any of them will have business in Stohess, but just in case they do, stop them.” 

Ben nods at me and changes the subject, “So, when are you going to come and visit mom?” 

“When I don’t look like this anymore,” I answer him, pointing to my broken leg, broken toe and the multiple bruises on my body, “I don’t want to freak her out. I will see her as soon as I can.” 

I hear some soft crying and I turn to look at Celeste. Tears were falling down her face that she tries to conceal. “What is with you, Celeste?” I ask her gently as I reach for a tissue box next to my bed and try to hand it to her. 

Before she can grab it from me, my hand shakes and the muscles in my hand and fingers contract involuntarily, causing me to drop the box on the floor at Celeste’s feet. 

Her and Ben both give me the same concerned look. “(Y/n) -“ 

“Sorry about that!” I laugh loudly, “Clumsy me, I haven’t had lunch yet so my hands are a bit shaky.” 

Ben tried to talk to me about my random shaking, but I refused to comply. I reassured him that I was fine and changed the topic of conversation. It seemed to work, we chatted about other random topics until a nurse came in with my lunch. 

I hugged and kissed Celeste and Ben goodbye and they reassured me they would not go to Stohess on the day I specified. I felt a bit more relaxed as I watched them walk away, now I just have to warn Peter. 

Author’s POV 

When Benjamin and Celeste made their way back to the capital, Benjamin decided to walk Celeste to the entrance of Lawrence’s residence. 

“Thank you for letting me come with you.” Celeste says as she offers him a sweet smile. 

“My pleasure,” Benjamin returns her warm smile, “I’ll look forward to seeing you again.” 

Celeste leans up and places a warm gentle kiss on his lips. Benjamin was surprised by her boldness, but melted into her soft kiss and returned it. 

“I’ll see you again soon, I hope.” She smiles at him as she turns to walk in the door. Benjamin can only wave silently at her as he thinks about their kiss, and how he wanted to do it again and again. He had never felt like this around a woman before. Celeste made him feel nervous in a good way, it was a new feeling for him that he was enjoying. 

After Benjamin left, Celeste breathed heavily and leaned on the other side of the door. “What are you so worked up over?” 

Celeste is startled by a female voice coming from her left, it was a tall girl with long golden hair and blue eyes, “Nothing, Antheia,” Celeste muttered, “I was just going to go and see Laurie.” 

“What would be possibly want with you?” Antheia fumed. She was stuck working at the brothel again and was annoyed with everyone. 

“I don’t have time for this,” Celeste rolled her eyes at Antheia and made her way towards Lawrence’s office. 

When she gets there she raises her hand to knock, but pauses. She could feel tears start to build up in her eyes again. She apologized to you over and over in her mind, and also to Benjamin. 

She was about to walk away from the office all together, but the image of her son flashed through her mind. Her mother instincts kicking, she knocked on the door and was let in. 

“Ah, Clio,” Lawrence greeter her, “Tell me my pet, how was your visit?” 

Celeste didn’t want to stay in there longer than necessary, so she gets right to the point, “(y/n) told me to avoid Stohess district in exactly 3 weeks time. She didn’t say why, but it is safe to assume the scouts have something planned that she is in on. I don’t know if she will be in Stohess when whatever it is goes down. She may be there or she may stay at their Headquarters.” 

Lawrence sits back in his seat and let’s her words sink in, “I see, I’ll have to arrange for a couple of small groups. Whether (y/n) does go to Stohess or not, I’ll have a plan. Thank you, Clio. Since you have been such a good obedient pet, to show you my appreciation, I’ll allow you to see your son for a few minutes.” 

Celeste couldn’t believe it, she was over joyed to hear she could see him, “Thank you, sir!” She cried. 

Lawrence asked one of his men to escort Celeste to her son. After she left he turned to another one of his men, “Get me Kenny Ackerman.” 

Time skip, 1 day before Stohess mission 

Your POV 

So BORED! The past few weeks have been torture! I’m still not allowed to do much of anything, which is ridiculous since the Stohess mission is tomorrow. 

I’m currently waiting for Peter to get here to take off my cast. I’m just laying across my bed, head hanging upside down off the bed. 

People come and visit often, but I’ve been pretty moody as of late. I have so much energy and can’t do anything with it. So I’ve been pretty frustrating to deal with. Apart from Ben, Beth is the only other person from my family that has visited me. My mom can’t come, it would just mess with her mind. And I don’t want Katrina here for obvious reasons. 

I’ve found myself thinking of my father from time to time. I wonder if he’s even still alive... Who knows? .... Who cares? 

Erwin and Levi haven’t been by in awhile, they used to come everyday and visit me. But they are busy and have a lot to do before tomorrow. Plus, I do have a bit of a short temper these days, and I don’t blame them for wanting to give me some space. 

I was able to convince Peter not to go to his Stohess office on the date set for the mission. Despite his reservations, he agreed to take my advice. 

Finally I hear the door open and Peter walks in, “Hey (y/n), how are you feeling today?” He asks me cheerfully as he brings his tools to remove my cast over to me. 

“Brilliant, I’m nothing but a slowly decaying organism that was born and raised in a society run by money and greed, and the only escape is the sweet release of death; the tax all most pay for a life lived, good or bad.” 

“Awwwwww, does someone need a hug?” Peter coos at me playfully. 

“I need this cast off, I’m becoming more sardonic than before.” I growl a him. 

“You say that like you weren’t before.” He laughs and gets to work on my leg. 

“You know, you’ve been pretty angsty for the last couple weeks.” Peter notes. 

“What do you expect?” I sigh at him, “I’ve been stuck here, not allowed to do anything other than read.” 

“Don’t be silly, you’ve loved spending time with me! You don’t have to hide it!” Peter jokes. 

“... I’ll hit you.” 

“Alright alright, calm down, I’ll stop.” 

We fell into a blissful silence as he worked away, but of course it didn’t last long. 

“You know, I know something that will help with your pent up frustration.” Peter says. 

I was almost afraid to know, “What?” I ask nervously. 

“Sex.” He smirks at me. 

“... Peter, I told you, if you are going to propose a threesome you have to invited Ellen too and make it a foursome. I need something to do while you and Grace are all over each other.” 

“That sounds like something out of my worst nightmare. I didn’t mean me, (y/n). It really works you know, see how happy I am today? It’s because I just had sex this morning.” 

“I’m fine thanks, and congrats on the sex.. I guess.” 

“It’s like you have this weird association when it comes to sex -,” He pauses when I cover my ears with my hands. 

“You’re worse than a child,” He laughs and pulls my hands away from my ears, “You’ve never had a talk like this before have you? Your mother clearly didn’t, and I doubt your father would have. Then you were thrust into this life where sex is this bad thing that men forced on the women working around you.”

I just shrug in response. I guess I never thought of it like that. I don’t know if I necessarily have a bad view on sex. I almost did with Mac, but I never allowed it to go too far. Mac was always so patient with me. 

“Of course I’m not saying you have to experience it,” Peter continues, “I just want you to know when you’re with the right person, it’s an amazing experience. Just don’t close yourself off okay? You’re allowed to give yourself to someone you trust, Lawrence isn’t here to punish you.” 

My face was going red at this point, “Please stop, it’s embarrassing.” 

He was just about done with my leg, it felt good to finally feel a breeze on it. Now I can finally itch it, it’s been driving me crazy. 

Peter chuckles at my reddening face, “Come on, (y/n)! Just let your tits out and take out that angst and bounce on some dicks!” 

“Peter!” I protest, covering my face. 

I hear someone clear their throat from behind Peter. And of course it had to be Erwin. 

“Hello Erwin,” Peter greets him cheerfully, “What can I help you with?” 

“One of our soldiers got hurt during a sparing match, and I need you to take a look at him.” Erwin explains to Peter. 

“Sure, I just finished up with (y/n). I’ll go right away.” With that, Peter gives me a smirk and leaves the room. 

There was silence after Peter left, I can still feel my face heating up. I’m not able to look at Erwin in the eye. 

“How much did you hear?” I ask him quietly. 

“‘Tits out’, and ‘bounce on some dicks’” He answered, I can practically hear the smirk on his face. 

“Terrific.” I face palm. 

“You know,” Erwin started, “If you need help with your frustrations, there are plenty of people who would be willing to kill to help you out with that.” 

I give him a small smile, “Yeah, I’m sure plenty of women throw themselves at you offering the same thing.” 

“That may be true, but it has never worked. I have never wanted any of them.” 

“... Erwin.” 

“(Y/n).” 

“Are you offering yourself to me?” I ask him. 

His smirk deepens and he steps closer to me, “I’ve never seen your face this red before,” He lifts my chin up to meet my gaze, “It’s adorable.” 

I narrow my eyes at him and grab my pillow to throw it at him playfully. Erwin gives me a genuine smile, “I have to go, I’ll see you later.” 

I return his smile, I was afraid my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I stand up and walk the stiffness out of my left leg and foot. It felt weird to be up on it, I better get in some last minute training before tomorrow. 

But not before I have a proper shower, it’s been difficult trying to bathe with my cast. I make my way to the showers and breathe a sigh of relief that I am the only one in there. 

I already feel less frustrated now that I can walk around normally. The thought of being able to finally do some training cheered me up. 

After showering I start making my way over to the training grounds. As I’m walking along outside, I can hear voices coming out of an open window. I peek in to see Hange, Levi, Mike and a couple other soldiers. 

I move from the open window and quietly make my way around to the window that Hange has her back to. Levi is sitting on one end of the table, facing the window I am at, and Mike and the other 2 soldiers were sitting to the right of Levi. 

Maybe I’ll have a little fun, I haven’t annoyed Levi in awhile. I get his attention by waving in front of the window, since he is the only one facing the window I’m at he notices me. 

I smile and wave at him as he glares suspiciously at me. I love trying to crack his stoic expressionless exterior. I’ll try and make him smile or laugh, that never fails to annoy him. 

I started dancing back and forth in front of the window, making weird expressions and movements to get a reaction out of him. He is trying his hardest to ignore me, but I refuse to be ignored. 

I see Hange notice Levi trying to maintain his composure, and I duck down from the window so she couldn’t see me. Since I’m farther away from the open window, I can’t really hear what they are saying. It must be an important meeting... I shouldn’t bother him for much longer.

I pop up and down from the window, getting Levi’s attention again. I enjoy the fact that he finds my childish side amusing. I give him a few more weird expressions and dance moves before deciding he has probably had enough. 

Before I leave I stop dancing around and get him to look at me once more. He stares at me, lips pursed in a tight line, restraining a smile. I smile sweetly at him and playfully blow him a kiss through the window. 

He narrows his eyes at me as he raises his left hand, as if to catch my kiss. Then he smirks at me and threw my kiss out the open window to the right of him. I clutch at my chest dramatically, as if I were shot through the heart and fell to the ground. 

After successfully annoying and distracting Levi, I happily make the rest of the journey to the training grounds. 

When I arrive there is only a few people there, Eren being one of them. He is really going hard on that training dummy, I hope he’s okay. 

I head over to him to check up on him, “Geez Eren, you’re really going at it, does the dummy owe you money or something?” 

Eren pauses when he hears my voice and turns to give me a small smile, “(y/n), it’s good to see you out and about without your cast on. Though for some reason you look even short to me now.” 

“I’m not short,” I correct him, “I’m vertically challenged.” 

“I’m going hard on the dummy because I’m trying to condition my legs more like you told me to, remember?” 

Oh yeah, that feels like it was so long ago. But it seems like something is weighing on his mind, maybe it will help for him to talk about it. 

“Come on, Eren. I can tell when something is bothering you. Tell me.” I say gently. 

“I’m worried about tomorrow.” He admits to me, staring down at his feet. 

I guess he would be feeling a little apprehensive about tomorrow, after all he has found out that a good friend is actually the female titan. 

“Is it wrong that I still can’t bring myself to hate her?” Eren asks me, looking at me again, “I know she’s done a lot of damage, but I still see her as Annie, not the female titan. I mean, she’s the bad guy here, I should hate her.” 

“Eren,” I say, “It’s more complicated than that. I don’t think anyone is simply good or bad exclusively, things are a lot more complicated than that for such generalizations. We all have the ability to be good and bad. My view on the female titan is different than your’s. I only know her as the girl who killed a lot of good people. But you knew her before that, you know her as Annie, as your friend and mentor. Your heart and mind are in conflict with each other.” 

I pull Eren to a bench nearby so we can sit. “You’re head knows what she has done is wrong and something has be done to stop her. But your heart knows her as your friend and you can’t conceive that she could do something like this.” 

Eren looks down at his hands as he listens to me, “I understand your feelings, Eren. When we capture her, we will hear her out. No one just does things like what she has done for no reason. It’s important we understand her perspective, but you also have to be prepared to do what has to be done, Eren.” 

“Now come on,” I pat him on the shoulder and stand up again, “Come on, we can help train each other, I’m a little rusty.” 

He smiles at me as he stands up next to me, “Okay, but I won’t go easy on you.” 

Eren and I spared again and again. Even though I haven’t been training for awhile, my senses and skills are still the same. That’s good at least. 

After training and dinner I made my way happily to my dorm room. I was happy to be back in my room with Sasha, I even missed her snoring. I was exhausted from the preparation for tomorrow, so I was able to drift off to sleep right away. 

Even though I am good at hiding it, I am nervous about tomorrow. There is no way to know if it will go smoothly or not. But if it’s anything like the last expedition, we are in for some surprises.


	27. Chapter 27: Stohess

Your POV  
(Dream)

I was walking through the corridors of Laurie’s residence looking for him. Where is he? He is usually always in his office at this time. I need to talk to him about some information on Lord Reiss. 

I hear some raised voices as I walk down one of the halls, one of them definitely sounds like Laurie. As I get closer to the voices, I see a guard out front. If I had any doubts about the voice belonging to Laurie, I am 100% sure he is there now. 

I’ve seen this particular guard around a lot, and his face always goes red when I talk to him. So it should be easy getting rid of him. 

“Tom! Hey! It’s so weird for me to run into you, I was just thinking of you actually!” I give him my best fake Peitho smile, causing his face and neck to go completely red. 

“H-hey P-Peitho,” He stuttered as I smiled at him, “What are you doing here?” 

“I was looking for Laurie, is he in there?” I try to move closer to the door but he blocks my path. 

“Sorry, I can’t let you in there, he has a meeting with someone very important.” 

“Oh, no problem,” I try my best to maintain my flirtatious smile, “I’ll wait out here like a good girl. Oh, actually it’s fortunate I ran into you. I was looking for Laurie because I heard some girls talking about a stranger lurking around the dorms. I was just thinking if I can’t find Laurie I should get you! That’s why I was thinking of you, you’re the only guard I trust that can go and find this person and make him pay.” 

Tom puffed out his chest a little bit at my words, “You know you can always count on me, Peitho. I’ll look into this right away.” 

“Thank you so much, Tom!” I say happily as I rise up on the tips of my toes to plant a kiss on his lips. He was so surprised his entire body froze, “Don’t worry, Tom. I’ll stay out here and be a good girl watching the door while you go check out the situation. But don’t take too long, I’ll eagerly await your turn.” 

I bite my lower lip seductively as he gives me a dazed smile and runs in the direction of the girl’s dorms. Too easy. I slowly open the door a crack so I can listen to the voices within the room a little clearer. 

“I can’t get you anymore spinal fluid, Harvey,” I hear the unmistakable annoyed voice of Laurie, “We didn’t pay you to ask questions, just work with what we give you, and do what you’re told!” 

“I understand, Lawrence,” I hear another male voice I didn’t recognize, “But I can only experiment on so many samples with one vial! What do you want from me? I can’t make synthetic spinal fluid, it wouldn’t work for what you’re asking me to do.” 

I lean in a little closer because the voices seem to get quieter and quieter, until I can only hear muffled words that I can’t make out. Even though I can’t understand what they are saying, I can feel my body react to what they are saying. 

I feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes grow wider and wider. I feel myself smile as my heart beats faster and faster in excitement. What is going on? What am I hearing? 

Without warning the door opens and Laurie is standing right in front of me, “You!” He snarls at me, “What the fuck are you doing here? Eavesdropping Peitho? Really?! Where is Tom?! You are both in for it now, bitch.” 

He picks me up and throws me onto his shoulder with ease and carried me further and further into the dungeons bellow, “If you want to know so badly, Peitho,” I can hear the evil smile in his voice, “I’ll show you.” 

(End of dream) 

I wake up coughing, gasping and covered in sweat. ‘It was just a memory and a dream’ I tell myself quietly, ‘you’re not there anymore, you’re safe’. I was trying to calm my heart beat back to normal. That was a new memory, I guess it was triggered by hearing Harvey’s name several time yesterday. This is even more confirmation that I have to dig deeper into Harvey Banning when I go to the party. 

What kind of experiments could he have been doing? Who’s spinal fluid? What was he doing with spinal fluid? 

No use in trying to figure out now, might as well get up and shower before breakfast. 

It was recommended we wear civilian clothes so we don’t stand out while we wait for the female titan to make her move. 

There are not going to be too many scouts in Stohess for this operation, they wanted to keep the mission as quiet as possible. It is believed by Erwin that there is a good chance there are others in the scouts that could be working with the female titan. It is also looking increasingly likely that it could be someone from Eren’s 104th cadet group. 

There is only a small group of trusted soldiers that will be going to Stohess. I’ll be a fair distance from the location of where they plan on luring the female titan. They have some stronger soldiers farther away away to keep track of her if she bolts in any direction, and try to slow her down while others catch up. 

Jean is supposed to rendezvous with me at this location after he is done being a stand in for Eren, in the group that is heading towards the capital. 

After I’m finished showering and changing, I head to the Mess Hall for breakfast. On my way in, I run into Reiner, “Hey, (y/n)!” He greets me cheerfully, “It’s so nice to see you out of that cast. Aren’t people with a broken leg supposed to stay in a cast a little longer though? Will you be okay?” 

“I’m a quick healer.” I shrug at him. It’s true, even when being tortured by Laurie or his customers, I heal faster than most other people. 

Reiner follows me and sits across from me when I pick a vacant table. I don’t mind, I haven’t seen him very much, so it’ll be nice to chat with him. 

“I thought a bunch of you were supposed to leave on a mission with Mike, Nanaba and Gelgar.” I comment casually as I pick at my breakfast. 

“I think we were, yeah,” He replies, “But plans changed a little bit, so we are staying here for now. Why are you in casual clothes today?” 

I look down at my (f/c) long sleeved shirt and black pants, “I’m still kind of in recovery,” I answer him, “I’m not back to full solider status, so I have the next few days off from regular duties.” 

“Oh yeah?” Reiner laughs, “That must frustrate you, you must be going a little stir crazy. What are your plans for today?” 

“I have to do some shopping,” I lie, “I received an invitation to this event in Orvud District in a little less than a week, so I need a new dress.” 

“They must miss seeing your face around wall Sina,” Reiner comments, “Do you need any help?” His cheeks started going red when he asked that. 

“That’s sweet of you,” I smile at him, “But I’ll be fine thank you, shopping for a dress is a process no man should have to endure.” 

We continue to chat casually as we finish our breakfast. I finish before him since he was doing most of the talking. “Great catching up with you, Reiner,” I say as I get up to leave, “I’ll see you later!” 

He waves at me as I exit the Mess Hall and make my way to the stables to get ready to leave. Most of us have to leave earlier than the other’s since we need to be there before the convoy heads towards the capital. 

I saddle up and head toward my position in Stohess. When I make it there I wait patiently to see what will happen next. It’s anybody’s guess at this point, will this ‘Annie’ girl actually follow Armin, Mikasa and Eren into the underground passage? Hell, we don’t know if she will even leave her post to talk to Armin. There are no guarantees here, but I trust Armin knows the right things to say to her and convince her. 

About an hour later I look out from the alleyway and see Erwin’s convoy move into position, making their way toward the gate for the capital. I see the military police line the way. I should probably gear up now and get on the roof so I have a better view. I grab my gear off my horse and untie him; I don’t want him tied down in case things get ugly. 

After I’m strapped to my ODM gear, I release the anchors so I can get up onto the roof. I feel uneasy, not in anticipation on what may happen with the female titan. My senses were screaming warning signals at me, it felt like hidden eyes were on me. 

I feel like I can hear heavy breathing not far from me. I stand still and try to pay attention to what was happening in front of me. It appears the convoy has stopped, probably by the MPs. 

I can still feel eyes on me, so I bend down and fiddle with my belts as if I were adjusting them. But secretly I was moving my throwing knife from my thigh to conceal it on my hip and covered by my shirt. It’s better to have it there, easier for me to get to quickly. 

“Drop your blades, bitch.” I hear a deep voice from behind me. Nice to see that my instincts are still working nicely. 

I turn around to look at the man, he was tall and muscular with a bald head. Judging by his pale complexion he must be from the underground. It’s not just his pigment though, people from the underground have a certain look about them that is hard to define, plus they give off a certain vibe. 

I notice an oddly shaped tattoo on his temple, from my distance away from him I can see a dagger with something dripping off of it. I think I recognize that scar, they belong to a certain gang in the underground. I was surprised to note that I didn’t see any visible scars on him. A lot of men in the underground gangs show off their scars as a way to show they are seasoned fighters, and make them look more intimidating. 

“I said drop your blades!” He growls at me as he points a gun at me. I sigh and let go of my blades, mind racing, trying to figure out what I should do. 

“Remember me?” He asks me as he steps closer to me. 

I gasp, “Daddy?!” I joke. 

Bad idea, he knocked me straight off my feet sending me toppling face up on the roof tiles, “Bitch, your father is the ultimate reason why I even agreed to come here.” 

He grabs me by the collar of my shirt and pulls me closer to his face, “Now answer my question, (l/n). Do you remember me?” 

“You know, I’ll bet your buddies from the underground would say your lack of scars makes you a pussy,” I smile at him, “But I think it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to be a dainty little flower.” 

He slams me back down on the roof with a growl, “You’re definitely your father’s daughter. Screw the bonus for getting you back alive. Squeezing the life out of that smug face of your’s is worth more to me than any amount of money.” 

“Hey, if that’s your kink I don’t judge.” I chuckle at him. 

He slammed me back against the roof tiles and brought his boot down on my throat, slowly trying to crush it with his boot. He’s smiling darkly down at me, watching me gasp for air. 

“I’ve waited so long for this,” He laughs, “You deserve every bit of what comes to you. Your father took my daughter away from me, and as they say, an eye for an eye, a daughter for a daughter.” 

He was too distracted by watching the pained expressions on my face, that he didn’t see my hand go for the knife I had just relocated before he attacked. 

I plunge my knife right into his leg that was stepping down on my throat, he screamed in surprise and anger. I kick him off me and get up quickly. I charge into him, knocking him off balance and onto his back, I perch myself on top of him and smile down at him. 

“You should really stop smoking you know, it’s not good for your lungs. I could hear your heavy breathing long before you pulled your gun out.” 

“You fucking -,” He gasped when I interrupted him by burying my knife into his gut. I didn’t want to kill him, but he tried to kill me first, and I can’t have him sticking around. 

“Woo,” I wipe sweat from my face, “That was good for me, was it good for you?” 

I pull my knife back out and kick him off the roof. I notice a small vial fall out of one of him pockets before he rolled off the roof. I thought it looked familiar so I grabbed it before it fell off with him. 

It was a small vial, only about 2 inches long. I examine the dark liquid that’s inside of it. Hmmm, this could be useful, better hang onto it just in case. 

As I put the vial in my pocket, I hear what sounds like an explosion followed by cracking of lightning. I whip my head up to see what was going on. I’ve seen Eren transform, I know what that is. But is it Eren or the female titan? 

Plans have changed, I have to go help anyway I can, the MPs know we are all here now, no need for subtlety. 

As I deploy my anchors from building to building, I notice I’m being followed again. I turn my head from left to right to get my bearings. I see 3 people following me with ODM gear. They are definitely not scouts or MPs. I note that their heads are shaved like the other man, must be in the same gang. I guess there was more people from the underground following me.

No point in trying to figure out how they knew I would be here, there will be time for that later. If I head straight for where the titan appeared, I would probably lose them with everyone else around. But if I did that, others may get hurt or get killed in the crossfire, or they may be mistaken for me. 

“Damnit.” I mumble to myself, I change course and head to the right instead of straight. I kick up my speed and maneuver through buildings, alleyways and side streets. They are bigger and slower than me and can’t keep up with my speed. But there is three of them and they are keeping track of me expertly. 

I was going to grab my first attackers gun, but I had to move when I heard the bang and saw the lightning. It’s not safe to let them get too close... I could separate the individual blades that make up the swords on my ODM gear. I have really good aim when it comes to throwing knives. 

I don’t want to kill them unless I have to, if I could just aim at limbs I should be able to slow them down or make them give up. I just have to make it more trouble than it’s worth to chase me. 

I make a sharp right turn into a building when I see an open window. It was just large enough for me to fit through, but too small for the men to fit through easily. 

1 or 2 may come into the building, but at least one will stay outside to watch the exterior for me. I duck into a room quietly, taking my blades apart and slip them into the belts of my gear. 

After I’m well equipped, I move around silently, trying to find the men that entered the building after me. A couple minutes go by of searching and I finally see them. I sneak up behind them and throw two of my blades. 1 hits a guy behind his knee, the other embeds itself deep into the other guy’s forearm. 

They both yell in surprise and pain, the guy with one of the blades in the back of his knee collapses to the floor. But the other man whips around and comes barreling towards me, his own knife in hand. 

I throw another blade at him, this one sticking into his shoulder, “I don’t want to kill you,” I warn him, raising another one of my blades, “But I will if you continue to come after me.” 

He grunts in pain as he stares at the blade sticking out of his shoulder, “Nice try, bitch. But we’ve been offered a lot of money for you, you’re not escaping this time.” 

I sigh and throw another blade into his knee, stopping him in his tracks. He finally toppled onto the floor and I walk around him toward the other guy, “Don’t follow me, and I’ll let you live.” 

“You can’t run from this, (l/n),” He growled as he looked up at me, “You’ve had this coming for a long time.” 

“It’s my father you hate, not me. I didn’t ask to be his daughter, in fact I’m not happy about being his daughter, I just am.” I grumble at him, “I can’t choose my parents anymore than anyone else can.” 

“Doesn’t matter, we were ordered here to do one thing and that’s what we’re going to do. The fact that you are Seth’s daughter just makes everything even sweeter.” He says as he slowly gets to his feet, getting ready to charge at me. 

“This message has been brought to you by the Underground Society of Obedient Bitches. For donations, we accept hugs, pats on the back, kisses and being told we’re good little boys!” I mock him as I back up toward a wall of large windows facing the street, three stories up. 

He is so focused on me he doesn’t even see what I’m planning. He charges toward me like an idiot and gets ready to throw his full weight onto me, but I dodge him easily. He goes crashing through the window and onto the street below. Stupid. 

But at least this is the distraction I need to get away from the guy outside who will be investigating the sound of something crashing through a window. I quickly run to a different side of the building and silently open a window and make my escape. 

I look around and I don’t see anyone following me anymore, so I start to make my way over to where I had seen the results of a titan transformation. 

But I veer off course again when I hear more men with ODM gear coming up behind me. I groan in frustration and start weaving my way through tight alleyways again. 

I hear the wind of an arrow shoot just inches from the side of my right ear. I grab a few of my blades from my belt and turn my body around, “Hey!” I yell at them, “You should be more carful! That could have killed me!” 

I duck as another arrow flies my way, and throw a few of my blades. There are 4 men this time, also bald like the last one, probably with the same tattoos too. None of my blades make contact with any of them. Shit, I’m running out of blades. 

I stop abruptly and bring myself closer to the ground. The men fly over me and I was able to hit one of them in the back with my blade. He came crashing down onto the street below with me, as the others try and slow down to change directions towards me again. 

The guy I hit had a bow and a couple arrows, perfect. I quickly relieve him of his bow and the arrows he had left. As the other men were getting closer, they continued shooting arrows at me and missing. I shoot one of my arrows, and it hits one of them right in the heart, and he also falls to the ground. 

I don’t have time to take aim again at another one, so I take off again. I look behind me to see where they are but I can only see 1 of them behind me now. Shit, where did the other one go? I look behind me again and see the man is slowing down now, what is he doing? 

When I look back in front of me, there is the other guy. I crash into him and both of us fall to the street bellow. We both hit hard and fall away from each other. He seemed to hit harder than me, he was still trying to get up when I rush over to him and sit on his back. 

He was laying on his stomach, and I was easily able to wrap my arms around his neck, slowly cutting off his airway. 

“(Y/n)?” 

I raise my head to look at my surroundings as I hear my name being called. I look up to see a bunch of MP soldiers that seemed to be walking down the road with a handcuffed Erwin Smith. But it wasn’t Erwin who said my name, it was Nile Dok. 

“Nile!” I smile up at him while still strangling the underground stranger, “Long time no see!” I say nonchalantly. The man under me tries to grab me with the hand that isn’t trying to get my arms off his neck. I free my left arm and grab my last arrow to jam it into his hand. 

He yelps in pain and I tighten my hold around his neck even more until he passes out. At least I don’t have to kill him, knocking him out works for me. Everyone around me seemed to be in shock, including Erwin. 

“So, how have you been, Nile?” I ask him cheerfully as I stand up from the unconscious man and walk towards him, “How’s Marie? Oh and the kids? They must be getting big now, huh? Can I borrow that?” 

I point at his gun and he doesn’t do anything to stop me from taking it. I grab it and aim toward the alleyway I had just come from. Sure enough, the other guy that was following me came speeding through on his ODM gear. 

I take aim and shoot at his hand, he’ll have trouble getting away with ODM gear with only one working hand. The gun had quite a kick to it, I thought maybe it knocked my shoulder out of place, but it was just sore. 

I throw it back to Nile who caught it with ease. I make my way over to a stunned Erwin, “It seems some men from the underground knew I would be here and have been chasing me. So I haven’t been able to help my fellow soldiers, my apologies for that.” 

“You’re bleeding,” Erwin sighs at me, “Why does it seem like you are always bleeding after I leave you unattended?” 

“... I like to play rough, what can I say?” I raise my hand to just above my left eye where there was a cut, probably from when I fell with the man, “Surface wound,” I shrug, “It’s nothing to worry about. I’ll head over that way now and see if I can help.” 

He nods at me and before I deploy my ODM anchors I turn to him one more time, “Be brave, Erwin! I will never forget you! I’ll be sure to write to you while you’re locked up!” I joke. 

I hear Erwin chuckle as I take off and go to join the battle that must be taking place by now. It’s not long however until I hear another loud bang accompanied by another pillar of lightning as another titan transforms. 

Shit, I have to get over there. As I’m making my way over I take note that there is another person on ODM gear following me. This one seems faster though, I better be more careful. I continue in a straight like for a little while then quickly duck down into a narrow alleyway and wait for my pursuer. 

I wait until I see the person’s anchors attach to one of the buildings closest to me. I quickly deploy my anchors and throw myself into the person. We fall onto a nearby roof and I land right on top of him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” I recognize that voice all too well, it was Levi. 

I gasp playfully, “Levi,” I cover my ears, “No swearing! My virgin ears can’t take it!” 

“What are you attacking me for?” He grumbles at me. 

“I thought you were someone from the underground chasing after me again. I mean, I wasn’t wrong... Technically you are originally from the underground .” 

“Where have you been? Jean came to get me when he went to your post and you weren’t there. Nor were you around the female titan. We didn’t know what happened to you.” 

“I was being chased.” I reply quickly. 

“Alright, get off me now, brat.” 

“Actually, I kind of enjoy the view, think I’ll stay.” 

I laugh as he glares up at me and I roll off of him and sit next to him, “So, what has been going on? I’ve been pretty busy dealing with a gang from the underground that has been trying to capture or kill me.” 

Levi gives me a worried look, “Why? How?” 

I shrug, “It’s safe to assume Laurie is somehow behind this. They wouldn’t have found me on their own after all. If they had, they would have come for me a while ago.” 

“How did he know you would be here?” 

“I dont know, but come on, we should go.” 

As we are getting ready to depart, Jean comes flying out of nowhere and sees us on the roof, “(y/n)! You’re okay!” Jean throws his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. 

“When I went to the spot we were supposed to meet at, all I saw was blood and a dead body. I didn’t know if you were hurt too.” 

“I’m fine, Jean,” I giggle, “I just ran into a little bit of trouble, nothing I couldn’t handle.” 

I can see Levi glare at Jean and be pulls him off of me, “We can talk about this later, let’s go.” 

We take off and finally make our way over to where we assume the titans are, judging by all the debris we see as we get closer. 

It was insane, buildings were knocked over, people crushed under piles of rubble and civilians walking around in a state of shock. I wanted to go down and help, but I’m a solider, the priority is the mission and that means Eren and the Female titan are more important right now. 

By the time we show up, Eren has the female titan on the ground, “DON’T EREN!” I hear some people scream at him as Eren seems like he is getting ready to devour the exposed girl within the female titan’s body. 

He seemed to pause for a moment over the girl’s body, “What is he doing?” I hear Hange mumble to herself. 

Then we felt a huge gust of wind coming from Eren and the female titan’s body. It almost seemed like Eren was starting to fuse with the female titan. 

I can feel myself start to panic as Eren struggles to get away from the female titan. But it seems whatever she is using to hold Eren in place is really strong. 

Unsure of what to do, I see Mikasa trying to head towards Eren. I speed over to her and hold her back as Levi makes his way over to Eren to cut him out of his titan form. 

We watch as the girl in the female titan body encases herself within what looks almost like crystal. When the air is clear and calm again, I let go of Mikasa so she can head over to Eren. 

Hange comes over to me and hands me some cloth, “You’re bleeding, as usual.” She gives me a small smile as I thank her, “It’s nothing, I ran into some trouble, but it’s fine now.” 

“It’s unfortunate we don’t have a lot to show for our efforts.” She sighed as she looks over at the girl entombed in that weird material. 

“Are you kidding?” I stare at her, “You caught her! We have the female titan. It’s not in the way we would like, but no matter what way we look at it, it’s still a step forward.” 

She laughs, “Where do you get your optimism from?” 

I shrug, “I was never really optimistic before becoming a scout,” I admit to her, “But it’s something right? At least we have her.” 

Hange turns to some other soldiers, “Come on, let’s get her down underground.” 

I walk towards Armin, Mikasa and Eren to see how they are doing. Eren is still knocked out and Mikasa looks like she’s about to cry. I really admire how much she cares for Eren, it’s really sweet. 

“Damnit Annie!” I hear Jean yell as he continuously tries to stab through the hard material that Annie is encased in. Now that I have a better look at it, it looks like the armour she generated when she was protecting her nap on the expedition. 

“Get our of there! You owe us some answers!” His blades have broken off at this point, but he continues to hit it regardless. It’s got to be hard for everyone who was friends with her and trained with her. 

“Jean,” I grab onto his shoulder, “Come on, this isn’t going to help, and we will have a job to do.” 

He slowly lowers the hand that was pounding against the crystal like tomb and follows me. I head over to where the MPs, Erwin and Levi are. I salute Erwin, “Permission to help recover any wounded, sir?” 

Erwin nods at me, “Be careful, (y/n). Take Levi with you too, I don’t want any more men from the underground attacking you.” 

“I think I’ve demonstrated quite clearly that I can handle myself.” I smile smugly at him. 

“I’m going with you, brat,” Levi nudges me, “No complaints, let’s go.” 

“When you make it back to HQ, wait in my office for me, (y/n). I want you to explain what happened to you.” Erwin says to me as I turn to walk away. 

I nod at him and walk away with Levi. Jean followed us too, wanting to make himself useful in some way. 

Walking around on the street made my stomach churn. I could see a lot of blood around the buildings, victims of being in the wrong place at the the wrong time as the unthinkable happens around them. 

“Be on the look out for anymore people from a gang underground,” I say to the 2 men, “They are bald with daggers tattooed on their temples.” I turn to Jean to address him directly, “If you see any of them, let Levi or I know. Don’t engage them in hand to hand combat.” 

“Come on, (y/n),” Jean lets out a frustrated groan, “I can handle some thugs from the underground.” 

“You’re used to fighting titans and sparing with friends and colleagues,” I remind him, “Fighting hand to hand with people from the underground is even more dangerous. They have no honour and will do whatever they can to kill you, especially if it means doing something sneaky.” 

Jean just nods at me and we continue to look for survivors. 

I can see what Hange was saying, was this all really worth it? So many people just gone, lives ruined and for what? Even more questions with very few answers. 

But I can’t think like that, it will drive me crazy. The mission may not have gone the way we all hoped it would, but that does mean it was a complete failure. 

We can see a few people walking around clearly in shock by what they were seeing. They are residents of Wall Sina, I doubt they ever thought it was even possible for them to see a titan. 

We try to help who we can, and I try to comfort as many people as I can. But how can you comfort anyone in this situation? 

I see a little girl stumbling around looking for her mother and father. I walk over to her to see if I can help her in anyway. 

“Hi sweetie,” I greet her gently, “Are you okay? Are your parents around here somewhere?” 

She looks up at me with tears streaming down her face as she nods at me. I can see blood dripping from a wound on the side of her head. “Levi,” I call to him, “Can you take her to the MP medics? Jean and I will try and find her parents.” 

I half expect him to argue, but he nods at me and picks the little girl up and hurried back in the direction we came from. 

I see a man wearing a hat, standing by the remains of a large house, so I head over to him to make sure he is okay. Who knows? Maybe if we’re lucky he is the father of that little girl. “Excuse me, sir,” I gently put my hand on his arm, “Do you need medical attention?” 

Without warning the man turns around and he’s on me in seconds. His hat falls off and I see he has a shaved head and a familiar dagger tattoo on his temple. 

I’m able to react fast enough to slip just far enough from him and grab my knife. “(Y/n)!” I hear Jean shout as he rushes towards me. “Jean! Stay back! Don’t get involved!” I yell back at him. 

The man grabs a knife of his own and starts trying to get closer to me, he must not be very good at throwing. I smirk at him as I continue staying just out of his striking range, frustrating him more and more. 

“Have you been skipping knife throwing classes? Because that would really come in handy for you right now.” I smirk at him. 

“Shut up, bitch,” He snarls, “I’m here for one reason.” 

“Ah, tired of living?” I giggle.

“Hope your feet are still as quick as your wit,” He smiles darkly at me, “I’m not letting you go this time, still have that nice scar I gave you on your arm?” 

Oh, now that I get a better look at him I do recognize him. He is definitely the one that gave me that ugly scar on my left bicep. But I was able to wiggle out of his grasp and get away before he could do worse. 

I’m about to throw my knife at his leg, but Jean comes up behind him and tries to immobilize him. 

“Jean! What are you thinking?! I told you not to let them get within striking range!” 

He only grunts in response as the man struggles to turn around to deal with Jean. The man swipes at Jean but misses the first couple times. Jean tackles him to the ground, and the man grazes Jean with his knife on his arm, drawing blood. 

“Jean!” I gasp as I rush to help him. I slice at the man’s hand that was holding the knife. He drops it and I kick it away from him. 

Levi arrives back from delivering the girl to the medics and pulls Jean off the man. An MP officer wasn’t too far away, he ran over to us when he finally noticed the struggle. He grabbed the man from the underground and cuffed him so he couldn’t fight back anymore. 

I quickly examine Jean’s cut on his arm, “Calm down,” He smiles at me, “He just nicked me, I won’t even need stitches.” 

I give him a smack to the side of his head, “Ow! What the hell?” 

“I told you! You’re not used to dealing with people in the underground, so you shouldn’t be getting involved in the fight!” 

“He was after you, I saw an opportunity to help you and I took it!” He argued. 

“I had it under control,” I retort, “I was backing away so I could stay away from his knife, so I have time to grab mine and aim it so I could throw it at him.” 

“Everything okay over here?” We turn our heads to see Erwin walking up to us, MPs must have let him go. 

“Yes,” I sigh, “Everything is fine. 

“Good,” He narrows his eyes at Jean and I, “We should be heading back now, I want all of you in my office when we get back.” 

“What happened to helping the injured?” I ask him, “Don’t we have any kind of obligation to help clean up the mess we made?” 

“The MPs can handle it, and there will be scouts that are staying behind to help, let’s go.” 

Erwin left no room for argument, so we get ready to head back to HQ. Eren is still passed out, so they have him in a carriage. 

I was able to find my horse in the area of where I left him. I hop on him and head back to HQ with the others. 

On my way back, I try to figure out how a gang from the underground found out that I was with the scouts. Also that I was in Stohess on this particular day. 

There was only a small group of people who even knew about the mission today, and I trust all of the people who did know with my life. I told Celeste and Ben to avoid going into Stohess, but I didn’t tell them about our mission or anything. 

Could there be a spy for Laurie in the scouts? There hasn’t been any new recruits since I joined, so that doesn’t seem to likely. Unless someone who already worked with Laurie was here before I even came here... But then how did they find out about the Stohess operation? 

Too many unanswered questions that I have no idea how I’m going to solve. 

When we get back to HQ Eren is sent to the hospital wing to rest, while the rest of us head to Erwin’s office. Hange is still in Stohess, so in the meeting there is only Erwin, Levi, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, a couple other soldiers that helped capture the female titan, and I. 

I listen to them quietly about what happened from their perspective. But I’m finding it hard to concentrate at the moment. I keep worrying about Jean, is he really okay? He may have problems later, but by then will it be too late? I can’t follow him around everywhere waiting for something to happen. I have to do something to make sure the knife that grazed him wasn’t poisoned. 

It is just a small graze, it may take a while for the poison to take affect... But was it even poisoned to begin with? I should do something, I need to figure this out or he could be in big trouble. 

Armin and Mikasa finish answering Erwin’s questions about their perspective during the battle and why it took so long for Eren to transform into his titan form. After he was finished questioning them, he dismissed them. I didn’t even realize Erwin was calling my name until Levi snapped his fingers in front of my face, “Hey! Brat! Quit day dreaming and pay attention.” 

I shake my head and give them an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I’m just worried about Jean.” 

I look over at him and see his face go red. Oh! I have an idea! Time to get the blood pumping, if he was poisoned the affects should surface faster if his heart beats faster and the poison in his blood travels faster. It’s worth a try anyway. 

“I mean, I appreciate what you did for me, Jean,” I say as I stand up from my chair and walk around the table where he is sitting, “But what would I have done if something worse were to happen to you? Bad boy!” 

His face goes even redder, if that’s possible, and can’t look me in the eye. I sit myself down on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, “Thank you for caring so much for me, Jean. I really appreciate it.” I whisper into his ear making him shiver. 

I grab his injured arm and gently raise it so I can get a better look at it, “Does it hurt?” I ask him sweetly. 

“N-n-no,” He stutters, “I feel f-fine.”

I place the palm of his hand on my cheek and nuzzle into it, “I’m glad, you were so brave.” I lock in his gaze with my (e/c) eyes and slowly lean in to give him a kiss on his cheek. 

He starts gasping for air, eyes wide in surprise and panic. His hand immediately scratched at his throat, not understanding why he was having so much trouble breathing all of a sudden. 

“Just as I suspected,” I smirk at him triumphantly, “I warned you not to get involved with people from the underground, Jean. They fight dirty by poisoning their blades. That way they only have to cut you a little in order to kill you.” 

I stand up from his lap and hand him the vial I took from the first man who attacked me, “Here, drink this and you’ll be fine.” 

Jean quickly takes the stopper off and drinks the dark liquid down. The effect is almost instantaneous, he his breathing normally again and looks up at my smug face, “How did you know?” 

“You noticed the tattoo on the guy’s temple, yes? It’s a dagger with liquid dripping from it. That particular gang is proud of the fact that they dip their knives and arrowheads in poison. There is only one antidote, it’s very expensive and even harder to come by. I didn’t want to just give it to you right away just in case that man’s blade wasn’t poisoned. The best way to figure out fast is to get the blood flowing faster, you’ll see the effects of the poison sooner.” I wink at his blushing face. 

“Come on, Levi,” I turn to look at his angry glaring eyes, “You should know this, don’t you?” 

I notice that Levi and Erwin are both glaring at Jean and I, “What? I did what I had to, don’t glower at me like that; it’s not like I stripped for him or anything.” 

“It’s just ironic,” Erwin sighs, “That you yourself have a hard time following orders too. You really have no right to scold Jean for doing exactly what you do.” 

“Oops,” I snort with laughter, “Damn, you’re right.” 

Erwin dismisses everyone except for me, Levi was the last to leave, shooting a suspicious glare at Erwin before he leaves. 

“Any theories as to how that gang found out you were going to be in Stohess today?” Erwin asks me, resting his chin on one of his hands. 

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, “The only thing I can really think of is that maybe Laurie does have someone in the scouts that reports to him. Though that does seem unlikely with all the precautions that were taken when planning the mission in Stohess.”

“Did you tell anyone about the mission?” He looks at me seriously. 

“Not exactly, I told Peter, my brother Ben and Celeste to avoid going to Stohess today. I didn’t say anything about the scouts being on a mission or anything like that.” 

“How much do you trust Dr. Thompson?” 

My eyes widen in surprise, “I trust Peter with my life, he risked everything to get me away from Laurie. Celeste is like a sister to me, she would never do anything to hurt me and neither would Ben.” I say firmly to Erwin. 

“Even so,” He sighs, “Be more careful, (y/n). We can’t lose you now.” 

“You’re right,” I smile, “I’m the comic relief of this place, you need me for morale.” 

He smiles back at me, “True, you’re dismissed, (l/n).” 

I make my way towards the door but pause just as I reach out for it, “You are coming to Banning’s party, right?” 

“I am.” He replies. 

“Want me to find you a nice date?” I laugh nervously, face going red a little bit. Come on, (y/n), what are you doing now? 

“That won’t be necessary, the person I was planning on inviting is already going.”

“No he isn’t,” I joke, “Levi didn’t get invited, you can still ask him!” 

“Funny.” He smirks at me. 

“See you later, sir!” I wave at him as I finally leave his office. 

Author’s POV 

“None! Not one of your men caught her or killed her? How is that even possible, Kenny?!” Lawrence yelled at Kenny as he pounded his fist on his desk. 

“What can I say,” Kenny smirks and shrugs, “She’s a slippery one. Plus, I had my men all over Stohess, we didn’t have any information on where exactly she would be. If we sent up some kind of signal when we found her, other scouts would have been alerted and would have gotten involved. And they weren’t all there, some of them were sent to the scouts HQ in case she was left there with less protection.” 

“That’s no excuse! What the fuck do I pay you for, Ackerman?! You haven’t even given me anything useful on Rod Reiss for months! Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn’t have you killed right now!” Lawrence was shaking with anger now. 

Kenny smile darkly at him, “Because you need me far more than I need you. How else will you get more of your little subjects for your experiments? Try and kill me if you want, I’m not one of your dogs you can dispose of.” Without saying anything else, Kenny walked right out of Lawrence’s office. 

Fuck!” Lawrence cursed, throwing things off of his desk around the room. He hated the fact that you won again against him. 

‘Celeste isn’t enough to get her’, he thinks to himself, ‘I’m going to have to figure something else out’. 

He paces around his office trying to think of another way to get to you. He pauses, ‘What about Peter Thompson? I’m sure there is something I can do to use Peter against her, I’m sure they have gotten rather close with each other since she joined the scouts’. 

Lawrence doesn’t have any proof, but he has had a feeling Peter helped you in some way to help you escape. And if he truly does believe that to be true, his next move is to split the two of you apart. It will take some digging, but he is determined to bring you down anyway he can.


	28. Chapter 28: The Perfect Dress

Time skip, a few days later

Your POV 

Things have been pretty crazy since the Stohess mission. Erwin has been summoned by the higher ups to explain what exactly the motivation behind the operation in Stohess was. Hopefully the scouts will be fully pardoned and Eren can stay with the scouts instead of being surrendered to the military police. 

Finding out there was a titan in the walls is big news. When Hange found out she tried to make one of the ‘wallists’ talk, but he is determined to keep his mouth shut. 

She ended up just bringing Pastor Nick back to HQ for now, I don’t know why. He won’t talk, none of those wall worshipping nut jobs will give anything away when it comes to their precious walls. I have to admit, I admire his dedication. 

It’s getting close to dinner time and I have to pause from what I’m doing to stretch my limbs out. Levi has been buried under paper work, and I have offered to help him out. 

“You can go, (l/n),” Levi mumbles without looking up, “You’ve helped me enough.” 

“I’ll leave when you’re done,” I smile at him, “Never leave a solider behind!” 

“Suit yourself,” He replies, “But I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to stay here.” 

We have a few more moments of blissful silence when Levi speaks up again, “I never asked, how was growing up in the underground for you?” 

... Huh? Levi never asks anymore personal questions about their childhood. Typically I assume it’s just because he doesn’t want to get even a little bit close to anybody. Not that I would blame him, he has lost a lot of people, and the probability of someone else he may like dying is pretty high. 

“Awww! Levi, you do care!” I tease him, “Are we going to talk about our feelings too? Oh! Are we going to have a sleep over?! We can have a share circle and braid each other’s hair too!” 

“Why do I even talk to you...” Levi wonders our loud. 

“I had it better than most,” I admit to him, “My mother worked in a pretty popular bar before she got sick. She was awesome, no man messed with her. She was the one who made it a habit for me to carry around a knife strapped to my thigh.” 

“But when she started getting sicker, things definitely got more dangerous for the both of us,” I continue, “Of course my father was no help, so I had to do what I could to help protect my mother. Then I moved above ground and it has been downhill ever since.” I let out a laugh when I finished, “I don’t know anyone from the underground who said their lives were worse above ground.” 

“There are also very few people from the underground that live above the ground, and not many that would like to admit it.” Levi commented. 

“True,” I chuckle, “How about you, Levi? How was growing up for you?” 

Before he could answer, there was a knock at the door, “What?” Levi groaned. Well that’s nothing new, I’m pretty sure he is always annoyed when someone knocks on his door. 

“Hey shorty!” It was undeniably Hange, “Is (y/n) in there still?” She opened the door and walked in before Levi could answer. 

Hange cheerfully greeted the 2 of us and brought another person in. Uh oh, it was Ellen. 

“There you are!” She exclaimed when she say me, green eyes beaming at me, “I’ve been looking for you! Come on, let’s go!” 

“Go where?” I narrow my eyes suspiciously at her, what is she up to? 

“(Y/n), the party is in 2 days, have you bought a dress yet?” She crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently. 

“I have a bunch of dresses I got from working for Laurie,” I shrug as I reply, “I’m sure one of those will suffice.” 

Ellen gasps dramatically, “(y/n)! You lived within Wall Sine for how long and you still don’t understand the basic rules for women and parties?! You can never wear the same dress twice to a party!” 

“I understand it, I just don’t agree with it.” 

“Come on, (y/n),” Ellen closes the distance between us and grabs onto my arm, “Let’s go, we can get dinner after!” 

Ellen wasn’t going to let this go, I could see it in her eyes. I might as well humour her, and now that I think about it, maybe she is right. I haven’t worn any of the dresses I have from the capital more than once. Wearing pretty dresses was Peitho, now me. If I put on any of those dresses I already have, I almost feel like I’ll become her again. Maybe I do need something new, something that is (y/n), not Peitho. 

Sometimes we would get paid to attend events with wealthy men, they always dressed us up in gold, silver or white. We weren’t allowed to choose the dress, they were chosen for us by Laurie or the man we were going with if he paid enough. It always had to be something quite revealing, it was pretty much an unspoken rule. Any scars that were visible were covered up expertly by make-up or add ons to the dress. 

I sigh audibly and stand up from my seat, “Alright Ellen, I’ll humour you.” 

“Yes! You can help me pick out mine too!” She cried happily. 

“I’ll see you later, Captain Levi.” I salute him as I leave his office to follow Ellen into whatever dress hell she has in store for me. 

Erwin’s POV 

Things went better than I had anticipated. But all that matters is that the scouts are clear, I won’t be thrown in jail and Eren does not have to be surrendered. I wasn’t wrong, the Stohess mission, even though it wasn’t a big success, it was not unsuccessful. 

Humanity has already taken a couple big steps forward. Not long ago we didn’t even know it was possible for humans to turn into titans, and we already have 2 of them. 

The higher ups may not be after me at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I can let me guard down. They’ll use any excuse to lock me up if they can, especially if more information starts getting released. They will be really on edge now, I’ll have to keep an eye out for (y/n) as well. I don’t know how people from the underground found out about her being in Stohess, but it’s definitely troubling. 

Hearing from Hange about there being titans in the walls is also worrying. We don’t exactly know what that means yet, but maybe she’ll be able to get something out of Pastor Nick. 

I finally make it out to my carriage and set off back towards HQ. Although, since I’m in Wall Sina I need to pick up some more soaps, and probably a new tie for Banning’s party. 

“Stop here,” I call to the driver, “Wait for me please, I have to pick up a few things.” 

The carriage comes to a stop and I step out onto the street towards a little novelty shop, where I usually buy soaps from. 

I head into the store and start looking around, “(y/n)! I found it!” I freeze when I hear a woman call out (y/n)’s name, is she really here? What is she doing here?” 

Sure enough, I see (y/n) pop around a corner and walk towards a woman with short blonde hair. Ah, I recognize her now, it’s Dr. Thompson’s ex-wife, Ellen. 

“Not so loud, Ellen,” (y/n) shushes her, “When you’re not around your children, you’re allowed to bring your voice down a few levels. And that is similar to my usual soap, but it is not the one I’m looking for, nice try though.” 

Ellen’s green gaze settles on me when she sees me, “Ah! Commander Erwin! What are you doing here?” 

(Y/n) whips around to look at me, a surprised but happy look on her face, “Erwin,” She greets me with a smile, “Didn’t expect to run into you here.” I can’t help but smile back at her, “I had to pick up a few things, what are you doing here?” 

“Ellen says I need a new dress for the party coming up.” She shrugged and laughed at the face Ellen gave her. 

“Excuse me for not wanting you to wear a Peitho dress when you’re not Peitho anymore!” Ellen retorted. 

“How did your meeting go, sir?” (Y/n) asks me, ignoring Ellen. 

“It went surprisingly well, though we will still have to stay on guard,” I say sternly, “Also, if you’re looking for a dress, why are you here? I’m fairly sure this is just a small novelty store that mainly sells soaps.” 

“Your observational skills are unparalleled, I need to pick up more of the lavender soup I like,” She explains, “I only know it to be sold here, so I thought I would stop here. I used to come here on a periodic basis.” 

“Since you’re familiar with this place, do you have any recommendations?” I ask her, “I have also come to purchase soap.” 

(Y/n) considers my questions carefully for a moment before responding, “Yeah, I think so actually.” 

I follow her down the narrow sections of shelves lined with many different types of soaps. She stops when she reaches the end of one of the rows, “This one,” She hands me a large light coloured bar of soap, “I’ve always loved the smell of this one, it’s made with rosewood oil. I’m not much of a subscriber to the benefits of essential oils and their properties, but it’s supposed to have a relaxing and calming effect.” 

It does have a nice scent, a spicy almost woodsy scent to it, with a tiny hint of some floral smell. 

“Well, as long as you approve, I’ll grab this one.” I smile down at her as a blush creeps into her cheeks. “It’s just my personal opinion, if you don’t like it you don’t have to get it.” She replied shyly. 

Another scent catches my attention though. I look to the shelf beside me to see a light purple coloured one with an all to familiar lavender scent, “This is the one you’re looking for.” I say confidently as I grab it and hand it to her. 

“Yes!” She breathed a sigh of relief, “Of course they put it on the top shelf so I couldn’t reach it.” She took the soap from me and smiled thankfully up at me. 

“Don’t worry,” I pat her on the head, “You’ll grow up one day.” 

“Funny,” (y/n) slaps my hand away, “I can kick the shit out of your shins though.” 

“Awww! You 2 are adorable,” I hear Ellen squeal from father down the row of shelves, “Stop flirting you 2, (y/n) we have to get to the boutique before it closes!” 

“I’m coming!” (Y/n) sighs at her, “Well, see you back at base, sir.” She salutes me before turning around to go and pay. 

I follow behind her to pay for my own soap when I get an idea. I try to grab (y/n)’s soap from her, but it appears she knew what I was planning. 

“Nice try, sir,” She teases me, “But you have to be quicker than that old man! I can pay for myself, thank you!” 

I smirk down at her as I lift her up and hold her against my right side, immobilizing her arms so she can’t flail about, “Erwin!” (Y/n) protests, “Put me down!” 

I ignore her and talk to the woman behind the counter, “This and the lavender soap she has, please.” 

“Ah! (Y/n)! I haven’t seen you in so long! How have you been?” The woman behind the counter seems to recognize her. 

“Hi Mila,” (y/n) greets the woman as she tries to struggle out of my grip, “I’ve been well thank you, how are you? Also, I’ve been kidnapped and am being held against my will, can you-“

Ellen covers her mouth, “Sorry Mila, we have to go, just let Commander Erwin pay for both and we’ll be out of your hair.” 

(Y/n) glares at both of us, but stop struggling when she realizes it’s useless. I pay for the soaps and we head out of the store where I finally release (y/n). 

“I can pay for myself.” She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m aware,” I reply, “But now you’re in my debt and can’t refuse when I ask you for a dance at Dr. Banning’s event.” 

Her face goes completely red, “You didn’t have to do that, I would have said yes regardless.” She mumbled quietly. 

“I figured,” I admitted, “However, it would appear your affinity for purposely annoying people has rubbed off on me.” 

She chuckles, “I’m a good bad influence on you.” 

“Alright, alright you 2,” Ellen claps her hands at us, “I really need to get (y/n) to pick out a dress, so goodbye Commander Erwin.” 

“Of course, I’ll leave you to it,” Before I head back to my carriage, I grab (y/n)’s hand and give it a light kiss before departing, “I look forward to seeing it, (y/n).” 

I smirk at her reaction, I do enjoy making her flustered. Without another word, I leave her speechless as I head for my carriage. Oh yes, definitely looking forward to seeing what she plans on wearing, my imagination going wild. 

Your POV 

I was standing stone still, shocked at Erwin’s boldness. I guess he has steadily been acting more and more bold, not holding back anymore. 

“Okay,” Ellen sighs loudly, snapping me out of my daze, “Explain. Now.” 

“We have to get to the boutique,” I remind her, “Let’s go.” 

“You can explain on the way,” Ellen insists, “I don’t mind.” 

“There isn’t anything to explain,” I insist, “He’s a good friend at this point.” 

“Come on, (y/n),” She groaned, “There is no way that interaction was between 2 platonic ‘good friends’.” 

“I’m trying to not read too much into it,” I admit, “It’s confusing.” 

“Even more confusing when you add Captain Levi in too.” She replied nonchalantly. 

I stopped and stared at her, “What?” 

“I chatted with Hange while we were looking for you,” She smile at me, “She says that he treats you differently too.” 

I can feel my face go red again and without saying anything else, I push passed her and hurriedly make my way to the boutique. The faster I get through this, the faster I can get away from Ellen and her nosy nature. 

Ellen giggles as she follows me, but she does seem to take the hint and doesn’t press anymore about Levi or Erwin. I mean, what is there to say? I have questions of my own, questions that I’m afraid to answer if I’m honest. 

Admitting I have feelings for them is scary to me. It’s scary enough to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else. I’m afraid to get close to them, there is a good chance they can die, and I don’t know if I would be able to handle that, especially after Malcolm. I guess talking about it makes it more real, so I would very much like to not talk about it with anyone. 

We reach the boutique and enter the store, there is every kind of dress you can think of from wall to wall. When we enter the store a lady walks up and greets us, “Welcome ladies, how may I help you?!” 

Her energy was so over the top and fake, I’m definitely in a boutique within Wall Sina. “Wait! I recognize you! You’re Peitho!” 

... Damnit, this is why I didn’t want to come to a fancy dress shop here. “I loved going to see your shows! What can I help you with?” 

“It’s okay, we are just going to look around until something jumps out at us.” Ellen waves her off in hopes she will leave us be. Thankfully, the woman took the hint and left us to it. 

“So, what kind of dress do you want?” Ellen asks me as she pulls me farther into the store. 

I consider her question, I haven’t really given it much thought at all. But I want it to be different than what I usually wore as Peitho. The style of dress that was always chosen for me was something that would never even reach my knees. It was supposed to show off my breasts, legs and back. I didn’t do many events after Laurie engraved ‘slut’ into my back thankfully. 

“Something that goes past my knees,” I reply to Ellen, “I don’t want to play ‘Hello Titty’ with anyone so not too low cut, and I want it to be (f/c). I never got to wear that colour in a dress. 

She smiles at me, “Alright, I’ll keep an eye out. I’ll be looking for a dress too, let me know if you want to try something on.” 

I nod at her and we split up to cover more ground in the store. It’s pretty overwhelming if I’m honest, I’ve never been allowed to choose and now there is just too much... Where do I even start? 

It has to have been at least half an hour at this point. Ellen has tried on a few dresses and finally settled on a red one with no sleeves that went down to her shins. She looked beautiful in it, I was happy she was able to fine something that suited her so well.

I’m still wandering up and down rows and rows of dresses, when an older woman stops me, “Having trouble finding something to your liking, love?” 

I look to see a pretty woman who had to be around the same age as my mother. She had long grey hair pulled up in a tight bun with kind brown eyes. “Maybe,” I laugh nervously, “I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed.” 

She smiles at me, “I can see why, anytime I have seen you come in here, you’ve had a man choosing everything for you.” 

Ah, so she did recognize me. I didn’t recognize her though, but that’s not too surprising. I was always in a hurry to get in and get out when I was with a patron or Laurie. Shopping for a dress wasn’t a fun ordeal, so I made very little conversation with anyone. 

I smile sadly, “Yeah, I’m sort of out of practice when it comes to choosing dresses on my own.” 

“Come with me,” She gives me a confident smile as she grabs my hand and leads me further into the store, “I have something I think would look amazing on you.” 

She leads me to one of the changing rooms in the back of the store, “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

She is back in almost no time, she hands me a dress and ushers me into a changing room, and closes the door, “Let me see it when you’re finished.” 

I hang the dress she gave me up on the hook on the closed door, to get a better look at it. 

First thing I notice, it was (f/c), my absolute favourite colour. It had 2 pieces to it. The top half was long sleeve and made out of lace with intricate floral designs on it. It had a v neck in the front, but the back had better coverage. Definitely enough to cover up the majority of the scars on my back. 

The bottom of the dress was made out of more silky material that went all the way down to the floor. 

I was impressed with the woman’s choice, this could work. I quickly remove my current clothes and carefully pull on the dress. As soon as I get it on I love how it feels against my skin, it’s a perfect fit. 

There is no mirror in my changing room, so I open the door and see Ellen and the woman standing there waiting for me.

Ellen gasps when she sees me, “(y/n)! That looks beautiful on you!” 

The woman next to her clapped her hands, “I knew it would suit you! Come here, love! The mirror is this way!” 

I follow her and she stands me in front of 3 mirrors so I can see myself in different angles. She was right, it did suit me. 

The top didn’t show too much of my breasts, just enough to be subtle and sexy. My shoulders were visible, but my arms were nicely covered by the patterned lace down my arms. 

The top part of the dress and the bottom part were close, but far enough apart to give a sneak peek to my abs. And at the back I can only see a few of my scars, but most are hidden by the lace. 

I smile as I examine myself in the mirror, I love it, it’s perfect. “These too!” I head the woman say as she puts a pair of heels at my feet. I look down at the shoes she offers me, they are a simple pair of heels. They are a silver colour that sparkles brightly in the light. 

I skip them on and note how comfortable they are, also making me at least a couple inches taller. I’ll be at Levi’s height now, maybe a little taller. 

“I’ll take it!” I smile thankfully at the woman and she nods at me, “Of course you will! I’ve never seen a more beautiful match.” 

I remove the dress and Ellen and I pay for our dresses and shoes. I’m definitely hungry at this point, so Ellen and I go out for a late dinner. 

She chats a lot during, and I’m able to keep up with her for most of the tine. But my mind keeps going back to thinking about this party. I’m actually kind of excited for it now, hoping that there will be people there that work with Laurie. 

I want them to see that even after everything I’ve been through, I’ve managed to come out stronger and more confident. I want Laurie to know he hasn’t broken me, and I refuse to be afraid of him anymore. I’ll meet whatever challenge he throws my way, and I’ll come out on the other end victorious. 

I also can’t help myself from wondering what Erwin will think of my dress. I can’t wait to see his reaction. Ugh, I need to stop thinking about stuff like that, bad (y/n). 

After Ellen and I finish our dinner we take her carriage back to HQ. She waves me goodbye and I carry my dress carefully to my room. 

“There you are!” Sasha greets me as I enter our room, “Where have you been?” 

“I had to get a new dress for that party in a couple days.” I answer her, putting the dress carefully in my closet. 

“Ooooh can I see it?! Please please please!” She begs me. 

“You can see it when I put it on for the party.” 

She moans and finished changing and getting ready for bed. I kind of wanted to put it on again to show her. I just love the way the dress feels, it makes me feel confident and sexy. I’ve never felt like that in dress before. Dresses that were chosen for me never really made me feel anything. It was just something I had to wear, just another obligation I had to fulfil. 

But this one felt different, it was one I was proud to wear. 

....   
(Dream) 

“Ah yes! That’s the one!” Laurie says happily as he asks me to twirl around for me, “That dress should make him very happy!” 

I stop spinning and look down at the dress, I hated it. It was skin tight and I could barely move. My breasts were almost popping out of it, and the length of it barely covered my thighs. 

“You’ll have to load her up with make-up,” Conrad smirked, “The bruising in her face is sure to draw a lot of attention.” 

“Right you are, Helios,” Laurie comments, “Tom! Get Anthea! She is very skilled when it comes to make up.” 

“Is this length necessary?” I ask Laurie quietly, “If I get out of the carriage wrong or sit too low, people are going to be able to see my ovaries.” 

“Don’t make me give you more bruises, Peitho,” Laurie growls at me, “We already have enough to cover up tonight, plus I do hate it when you make me ruin that pretty face of your’s.” 

Tom comes back with Anthea before long, and I almost fall over when I see her, “That’s what you look like without make-up?!” I give her a smug look. 

I guess she is pretty skilled at make-up, she’s basically able to give herself a completely new face. She glares hatefully at me which only makes my smile widen. She’s been trying for months to get me into trouble, but it hasn’t worked yet. I don’t know what her problem is with me, I have always been nice to her. But if she doesn’t want to play nice with me, she can get in line with the other bitches waiting for me to care. 

“You know, Anthea,” I say to her as she comes closer to me, “If your customers saw you without make-up on, they would accuse you of being a shape shifter. So be careful, if they know about it they are going to tell the religious fanatics and you may get thrown out of the walls.” 

She narrows her eyes even more at me, but bites her tongue as she works on covering up my bruised face. When she is finished, Laurie inspects her work, “Acceptable, thank you, Anthea. You may go.” 

She storms off without another word, “You really have a way with your female co-workers, don’t you?” Conrad laughs as Anthea storms out and slams the door behind her. 

“Only the ones that hate me for no valid reason.” I shrug. 

“Enough,” Laurie silences both of us, “Come, Peitho,” He holds out his arm for me to grab, “I most deliver you to your master for the evening.” 

I obediently grab onto Laurie’s arm and allow him to lead me to the entrance of his residence. I wonder who requested me to go to this party. 

I walk quietly with Laurie, not wanting to say anything to set him off. 

We reach the front and there is a man waiting outside in front of a fancy looking carriage, “Ah, there is my beautiful date!” He greets me with a wide smile. To me he looks like every other man that requests me. After awhile they just all blend into one person. 

“Oh! You put her in white!” He beams at me, “Tell me, princess. Is this what you will wear to become my wife?” He jokes, but I can hear the hopefulness in his voice too. 

“Nothing would make my skin crawl more!” I say sweetly and I give him a big smile. He didn’t even listen to what I said, just stared blankly at me. But Laurie heard what I said, he gives me a menacing look that says he will deal with me later. 

The man looks up and down while circling my body like a predator about to pounce on his prey, “Oh yes, this will do nicely.”

He laughs as he grabs my ass without warning. I try and raise my hand to slap the shit out of him, but Laurie still has a tight hold on me. 

“Thank you, Lawrence!” The man beams at Laurie as he holds out his hand for me to grab on to. I hesitate, leaning away slightly from the man. Well, as far as I can with Laurie’s grip on me. 

“Behave yourself, Peitho,” Laurie whispers to me, “I don’t know what has gotten into you lately, but you know all too well what will happen if you don’t.” 

His grip was so tight on me I assumed it would leave bruises. He lets go of me and pushes me towards the man who opens his arms to receive me. 

“Have fun you 2!” Laurie says, brushing some silvery blonde hair out of his face, “Let me know if she misbehaves at all.” 

I stand up straight and put on a smile for another job, another customer, another piece of my soul leaving my body. 

(End of dream) 

Time skip, night of the party

Levi’s POV 

I feel more irritated today than most other days. I just can’t stand the thought of (y/n) going to some party in Wall Sina. It’s driving me insane. What if something happens to her while she is there? Men will be all over her, there is no doubt about that. 

Even more irritating is the knowledge that Erwin is going to be there too. He better not try anything with her... 

“Hey Shorty!” Hange greets me as she sits herself uninvited next to me. I mumble in response and drink more of my tea. 

“Ooo someone is in a mood,” She laughs and pats me on the back, “I wonder what it could be...” 

I do my best to ignore her as usual, but she doesn’t need my contributions to keep running her mouth, “Well let me see if I can figure it out,” She continues, “Oh! That’s right! Harvey Banning’s party is in a couple hours, isn’t it?” 

She stares at me for a reaction, but I refuse to give her one, “I imagine (y/n) is up in her room getting ready. Making herself look even cuter than she already is.” 

I didn’t notice that my hands were clenched into fists until I felt some soreness. “Hmmmm, I wonder what her dress is going to look like,” She continues as she tries to get a reaction out of me, “Erwin is sooo lucky! He’s going to get to see her sing too. He gets all the luck!” 

I narrow my eyes, I’m ashamed to admit her teasing is starting to get to me. 

“Although, there is still a chance,” Hange whispers to me, “I’m pretty sure she is still getting ready, if you hurry up there, you could be the first one to see her in her dress. Even before Erwin sees her.” 

I stand up from my seat, grabbing my tea and getting ready to leave the Mess Hall. “Ooooh! Did I finally get to you?” Hange laughed. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re annoying me, I’m going to finish my tea in my office.” I try to say nonchalantly as I exit the Mess Hall. 

I make my way quickly over to the woman’s dorms and finally reach (y/n)’a door. I knock softly on it and wait for her response. 

“It’s fine, Sasha! I’m done, why are you knocking?” Came (y/n)’s voice from behind the door. I swallow hard and slowly open the door. 

When I open the door, she turned from her mirror to look at me, “Oh, Levi! Hello, what are you doing here?” 

I couldn’t speak, my throat went completely dry. She looked breathtaking, her hair was up in a slightly loose updo with a few strands of her (h/c) hair framing her face perfectly. She wore very little make-up, playing off her natural beauty instead. Her lips were a subtle shade of red and she was smirking at my reaction to seeing her. 

My eyes travel down to the dress she was wearing. I haven’t see a dress like that before, but (f/c) is definitely her colour. It was separated in two pieces. The top half was made of intricate lace in different floral patterns travelling down her arms. 

The v neck of the top of the dress descends between her breasts a little, not showing too much of them but enough for one’s mind to go wild. 

The bottom of the dress hugged the curve of her waist just above her belly button, and travels all the way down to the floor. 

Some of her midriff is exposed, showing off her toned stomach a little bit. 

“Levi!” She was trying to get my attention, but my mind was running wild with thoughts of ripping that beautiful dress off of her. 

“I was asking how you think I look!” She smiles at me, “Beautiful? Stunning? Gorgeous?” 

“I was thinking more along the lines of mediocre, average, run-of-the-mill.” I smirk at her as she punches me playfully. 

“Want to see something even better?” She asks me as she slowly lifts the skirt of her dress to reveal her soft toned legs. I look up farther on her thigh, there she has her usual throwing knife attached to her thigh, “Good huh? The skirt covers it perfectly. Can never be too careful, right?”

(Y/n) let’s go of the skirt and let’s it fall gracefully back to the floor. She walks over to a bag that seemed to contain casual clothes in it, “What are you doing?” I ask her, loving the view I get when she bends over to zip up the bag. 

“I received word from my sister, Beth, that her father is going to be away for a few days,” She explains, grabbing a pair of shoes that were lying next to her mirror, “So, after the party I’m going to just sleep at my place, it’s closer to where I have to go.” 

She slips into the heels she grabbed and looks at me smugly, “Now I’m the same height as you.” 

It was true, with those heels on she was exactly my height... I don’t like it. She reaches out for the mug of tea I didn’t even realize I’m still holding, “Smells good,” she comments, “Black tea, yes?” I nod and she presses the cup to her lips and takes a drink, “Hmmmm, so good, you’ll have to make me tea sometime.” 

She hands the mug back to me with a red lip stick stain and giggles when I glare at her, “Sorry Levi, here,” She leans in and gives me a soft kiss just to the left of my lips on my cheek, “Perfect.” 

I look in her mirror and notice her lip stick now left a mark on my face. She laughs again as I rub irritably at it, “Come on, Levi,” She grabs her bag and walks closer to the door, “You won’t let a lady walk to her carriage by herself now would you?” 

(Y/n) grabs my arm as I offer it to her quietly as I open the door for her. The smell of her lavender soap is intoxicating, and I can feel myself getting more frustrated when I think about other men who dare to try and touch her. 

“So, do you know what you’re going to sing tonight?” I ask her, trying to calm my mind down by conversing with her more. 

“Nope.” She answered simply. 

“Idiot, aren’t you supposed to have that figured out by now?” 

“No,” she disagrees, “On the contrary, some of the best performers I have given have been spontaneous. If I plan, I over think it too much. I’ll think of something when I’m in front of the piano, I always do.” She smiles confidently. 

“Whatever.” I roll my eyes at her. We make it out the entrance of HQ far too quickly. 

“Thank you, Levi,” She says as she walks up to the carriage and puts her bag in with Ellen and whom I assume to be her husband, “Have a good night, try not to fantasize about me too much.” She teases me as she sticks her tongue out at me.

... No promises there. I watch as her carriage sets off until it is well out of site. I really hope she will be okay, I know she knows how to handle herself, it is one of the reasons I am so attracted to her. But naturally I am still going to worry about her. 

She better not snoop too much, that will only get her into more trouble. I sigh and make my way toward my office, but switch directions to go to the training area. I need to get my mind off of that woman.


	29. Chapter 29: Worth the Wait

Erwin’s POV 

The party was already in full swing when I arrived. I looked around at all the people in the Great Hall, it looks like it is mostly nobles and politicians. Dr. Banning’s place is huge, I guess that’s one of the perks of being on the King’s council. 

I recognize quite a few people, even Shadis and Pixis are here. I’m still trying to figure out what this party is even for. He is a doctor, is he celebrating some breakthrough? If it were for a birthday I feel that would have been made clear by now. 

I make polite conversation with people who stop me to greet me. I had a few women trying to keep me around to chat with, but I make it clear I don’t have any interest in them. 

I decide to go up the stairs to a balcony overlooking the large room, maybe I’ll be able to see (y/n) from up there. 

“Ah! Erwin!” Pixis calls to me as I start heading up the stairs, “Strange to see you here, where is (y/n)? Oh! Is that why you decided to come?” 

I turn around to give him a confused look, “How did you know she was coming?” To my knowledge, (y/n) didn’t exactly advertise the fact she was going to come to this event, let alone tell anyone she was performing. 

“Heard it through the grape vine!” 

“Hange told you, didn’t she?” 

“Yep!” He laughs, trying to hand me a glass of wine, but I wave it away, “That’s why I’m here! I can’t wait to hear what all the fuss is about when she lived in the capital.” 

“You’re here because there is an open bar, Pixis,” I chuckle at him, “(y/n) being here is just an added bonus for you.” 

“Cheers!” Pixis grins at me and makes his way back over towards the bar. 

Well he seems to be well on his way to a drunken stupor. Oh well, whatever gets him through the night I suppose. 

I weave my way through the crowd of people on the upper level, making my way toward the balcony when I hear someone call to me. 

“Commander Erwin!” I look to my right to see who called my name, it was a man I didn’t recognize, “Wait until I tell everyone you came to my party and no one else’s!” 

Ah, this must be Harvey Banning. He holds out his hand for me to shake and I accept, “Thank you for inviting me.” He looked to be in his mid to late 40s, he had short blonde hair combed back, dark brown eyes, thick glasses and a few inches shorter than me. 

“It is curious though, I must admit,” He continues, “Why you would choose to come to my event and never any other events.” 

“I’m curious as to why you find that curious.” I reply to him. 

“Well, it’s curious that (y/n) (l/n) joins the scouts, and suddenly you are eager to attend a party within Wall Sina.” 

He captures my full attention when he mentions (y/n)’s name, is there more to this than Banning just being a fan of her’s? 

“Relax,” Banning says when he sees me tense up a bit, “I doubt she remembers me, but perhaps that is for the best. Tell me, Erwin, is Peter well? Will he be attending this evening?” 

“To my knowledge, no.” I answer curtly. 

“Such a shame,” Banning sighs, “Oh well, if you see (y/n) tell her I would like to meet with her before she performs.” 

He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just waves and makes his way over to a group of people that were waving at him. I finally make it over to the balcony overlooking the room. 

What was that interaction just now? So he has met with (y/n) before... 

“Erwin?” I’m startled out of my thoughts by someone calling my name from my left, I look over to see that it was Marie. 

“Oh, hello Marie.” I greeted her politely. It has been a long time since I have seen her last, but she looks just as I remember her, only older. 

Her long wavy light brown hair is falling loosely around her, she smiles up at me with shinning blue eyes, “I never thought I would see you at one of these!” 

“I have my reasons.” I say simply, taking my eyes off of her and return scanning the room below for (y/n). I can kind of hear Marie trying to chat with me, but I don’t really pay attention to what she is saying. 

“Geez, talking to you is almost like talking to Nile these days.” She sighs heavily and steps closer to me. 

“Nile has a lot going on right now, and that is mostly because of me, so I apologize for giving him more work to do.” 

“It’s not just now.” She continues, “It has been hard to get any time with him for awhile now. He is away from the kids and I too much, and when he is home he is far too distracted.” 

“That’s just how it is, Marie,” I reassure her, “If you wanted a husband who would be home everyday at set times, you picked the wrong type of man.” 

“You made time for me when we were together,” Marie whispers, “Before you chose work over me anyway.” 

“Marie, what do you want from me?” I ask her, letting out a frustrated sigh. 

“Where is your date, Erwin?” Marie inquired, avoiding my question and trying to keep a conversation going. “I didn’t bring one.” I answer shortly, hoping if I don’t contribute much to the conversation she will take the hint and leave me be. 

“That can’t be true,” She gasped dramatically, “You must have had women knocking down your door to be invited to come with you!” 

“Not really.” 

“So what’s the occasion anyway?” Marie asks, trying to engage me with another question, “I’ve never seen you at a party.” 

Why is she doing this? 

I’m still trying to look through the sea of people in this giant hall for (y/n). I scan the dance floor to see if she is there, and along the edges where there are tables and people chatting. Nothing. I look towards the opposite end of the hall, where there is a couple sets of stairs leading down from the entrance to the hall when I finally see her. 

She definitely knows how to make an entrance without even trying. (Y/n) was walking arm in arm with Ellen and who must be Ellen’s husband. She looked like she was giggling at something Ellen said, a beautiful bright smile on her face that I can see even from how far away I am.

There were a lot of people who stopped to stare at her as she came in and walked down the stairs, but she ignored them all. She walks with confidence and her head held high. 

She was wearing a quite unique (f/c) dress that seemed to have two pieces to it rather than just being one uniform dress. She’s too far away, I need to get closer to her. 

“Wow,” I hear Marie gasp next to me, “I never would have thought I would see (y/n) at a party like this after she left! She looks amazing!” 

“She does.” I agree, not having the ability to take my eyes off of her. I want to go over to her, but I also feel frozen. I don’t think I have ever felt this nervous because of a woman before. 

Suddenly (y/n) turns her head and she sees me. She is still a bit far, but I can see a smile spread across her beautiful face, making my chest feel tight. She waves a greeting to me which I return. Our little interaction is interrupted when Pixis sees (y/n). 

He greets her and appears to ask her for a dance, which she politely accepts. My smile is replaced by a frown as he leads her onto the dance floor. She looks up at me again and playfully sticks her tongue out at me. 

“Erwin,” I hear Marie say quietly, tone more serious. I forgot she was still here, “What was that?” 

“What was what?” 

“The way you were looking at (y/n), I’ve never seen you smile like that.”

I just shrug in response, this is none of her business, why is she involving herself? 

“Erwin, you can’t be serious about her,” She says giving me an exasperated look, “No way! I can’t allow that!” 

“I’m fairly certain that my personal life is none of your business, Marie,” I cross my arms and frown down at her, “Why are you still standing here? I thought my short responses were a clear indication I’m not interested in going on with a conversation.” 

“I thought you weren’t interested in any kind of relationships,” She argued, “That’s the reason you pushed me away, remember?” 

This is getting really annoying now, I guess holding back isn’t going to get me anywhere, it’s probably best to just be brutally honest with her. 

“It would have never worked out for us, Marie. You wanted kids and a husband that would put you first. You knew I would not be able to give you that. Our personalities were never compatible, we were both young and I never saw anything long term between us. You were better off with Nile, he loves you and will do anything to keep you safe. And I am better off alone.”

“But now that some beautiful young cadet comes waltzing into your life, you’re all about commitment?” She retorted angrily. 

I need to get out of this conversation, it’s starting to get more exhausting. Arguing more with her at this point isn’t productive, so leaving it entirely is probably the best course of action. 

I turn to my right but she grabs onto my arm like a stubborn child, “Just tell me why it didn’t work for us, but it can work for you 2. Just tell me that!” She begged. 

“Because you’re not her,” I answer her simply, “I didn’t expect to ever feel this way, but here I am regardless. We have similar motives and goals, she makes me excited to see what happens tomorrow, instead of just living off of revenge and spite. Do you really need me to explain more? Is this doing anything for you, or have you finely had enough?” 

I can see the frustration and sadness in her eyes as she continued to clutch onto my arm, but I felt nothing looking at her. There was a time where I thought I made a mistake in letting her go. But now I just see a woman who is confused and frustrated that I want nothing to do with, she isn’t my problem, hasn’t been for a very long time. 

I feel a tug on my other arm and look down to see (y/n) smiling up at me, “Erwin, just because Pixis beat you to me does not mean you are excused from dancing with me. I owe you a debt, remember?” 

Now that I’m closer to her I get a much better look at her. Her beautiful (h/l) (h/c) hair is pulled up into a loose but neat updo, with strands of her hair framing her face. 

The dress she is wearing does not disappoint; I haven’t seen anything like it before. Her arms and chest are covered in beautiful patterns of lace, her shoulders are mostly bare and her breasts are mostly covered but also offering a little peek, making me bite my lower lip as certain thoughts start running through my head. 

A few of her scars are showing where the 2 parts of the dress almost meet at her abdomen, showing off a little bit of her abs. The skirt of the dress goes all the way to the floor, it was loose and flowed gracefully around her, but tight enough to show off the beautiful curve of her ass. 

This is definitely worth the wait, but I already know it’s going to be hard to control myself around her. Note to self, don’t drink any alcohol. 

“Hi Marie,” (y/n) greets Marie politely, “It’s nice to see you again! I just ran into Nile on my way up here, he is looking for you.” 

Marie gives (y/n) a suspicious look, she looks like she is about to argue but decides against it. She gives me one final look before heading toward the stairs, finally leaving me alone with (y/n). 

“Thank you,” I whisper to her, “That conversation was getting very uncomfortable for me.” 

“Yes, I heard,” She laughed, “But, like I said, I still owe you a dance,” She grabbed me by tie and pulled me down to her, “You’re mine, let’s go.” 

I have to admit, I like the aggressive side of her. She let’s go of my tie and grabs my arm again, leading me down the stairs and onto the dance floor. As we danced I could smell her intoxicating lavender scent. 

I had my right hand more on her back than on her waist where it should be. I feel like I’m trying to avoid touching the bare skin of her waist, afraid to make any sudden moves that may scare her off. 

“You haven’t said anything about my dress yet, Erwin,” She giggled looking up at my flushed cheeks, “What do you think?” 

She steps away from me and twirls herself around so I can get a view from all angles. What can I say that she doesn’t already know? She has to know what kind of affect she has on me, she is just teasing me. 

“Come on, Erwin,” She says impatiently, “I’m not your sister, say what you feel.” 

“You look.... Taller.” I smirk down at her. 

She gasps, “Erwin, stop! You’re making me blush!” 

“Obviously you’re beautiful,” I tell her as I pull her toward me again, resuming the dance, “You have tons of people who remind you of that.” 

“I know,” She shrugs, “I can have 1000 people compliment me and feel nothing, but one compliment from you and I can’t think straight.” She grabs my hand that is on her back and moves it to the correct spot onto her waist. 

Her skin is soft and warm to the touch as I rub my thumb against one of her scars, “You know what you do to me,” I whisper to her, “You know I find you incredibly attractive, why are you being coy with me?” 

“Because it’s fun, of course.” She replies. 

We dance for the rest of the song in silence. I enjoy the feeling of my hands on her soft skin and the smell of her sweet scent. 

I didn’t want to let go of her when the song ended, but (y/n) pulled away and looked around at the sea of people, “Is everything okay?” I ask her, giving her a confused look. 

“This is the best time to do a little investigating, the party is still in the beginning stages. Banning will be busy greeting his guests for the next little while. That gives me a small window of opportunity where I can slip away, and do some digging.”

“What can I do?” I ask her, confusing her a bit, “What? I would love to help you in some way.” 

“(Y/n)! There you are!” 

(Y/n) turned around to see who had called to her, it was Dr. Banning. 

“I’m sorry, I -“ 

“No, I should be apologizing,” Banning smiled at her, “I’ve seen you many times, but we have not officially met.” Clearly he is concealing the fact that they have indeed met before. 

He holds out his hand for her to shake, “I’m Harvey Banning, and I’m very excited you decided to come.” (Y/n) takes his hand to shake it, but he brings her hand to his lips and kissed it. 

I wanted to slap his hand away from her, but I had to make sure to hold myself back, “Thank you for inviting me sir,” She smiles sweetly at him, “It’s an honour.” 

“If you’re free now, I would like to hear that pretty singing voice of your’s again,” Banning starts leading her toward the stage, “I want you to perform before everyone is drunk!” 

(Y/n) gives me an apologetic smile over her shoulder and allowed Banning to lead her. 

Part of me wanted to follow and yank her out of his hand, but at the same time I have been excited to finally hear her sing. 

Your POV 

It feels like I have met him before... Could I have met him and not remembered him? If that were true, why is he hiding it? 

I can think about that later, right now I have to concentrate on my performance; I don’t want to disappoint Erwin... 

It is not the time to be worrying about something like that, (y/n), focus! 

“Wait here,” Harvey says to me, leaving me at the side of the stage, “I’ll introduce you.” 

I give him a small smile and nod. I’ve never been nervous for a performance before. Is it because it has been so long? Is it because I’m back at a party within Wall Sina? Or is it because there is actually someone here who I want to impress? 

Harvey claps his hands to get everyone’s attention as he walks out onto the stage, “Everyone! I would like to start off by saying thank you for coming. It’s been a long road, but we have finally been making progress! But more on that later, for now I’m very pleased to announce I was able to convince a very special performer for tonight. None other than the former darling of the capital, formerly known as Peitho, but from now on known for her real name, (y/n) (l/n)!” 

He holds out his hand gesturing for me to go out on the stage. I take a deep breath and walk confidently up onto the stage, close to the piano. 

People in the crowd who didn’t see me enter the party originally seemed to be shocked to see me. But once the initial shock was over, I was met with a sea of applause. I look down on them and politely bow. It’s difficult to conceal my distain for the majority of the people in this room. They applauded me for years for my success, but they also found pleasure in my downfall. 

I seat myself at the piano bench and close my eyes, willing a song to come to my mind. What do I want this performance to convey? What am I feeling? Without thinking my fingers begin to move skillfully over the keys. Ah yes, it’s been so long, but (your choice of song, piano version) seems to be just the right song to sing. 

Erwin’s POV 

I thought her normal voice was pleasing to the ear, but it had nothing on her singing voice. I listened closely to the lyrics, but she could be singing about anything and it would sound amazing. 

I can see why she is still as popular as she is, Lawrence would be foolish to let anyone other than her to be the star of his shows. I person who has had an easy life doesn’t sing with the amount of soul and heart she has. She doesn’t just sing the song, she feels it. 

The emotion of the song shows in her body language and tone. She makes you feel everything she is feeling, it’s truly captivating. Like she is the only other person in the room besides you; like she is singing directly to you. 

It seems everyone else in the room feels the same. No one else is saying a word, barely even breathing, too focused on (y/n)’s performance. 

Your POV 

The lyrics flow through my lips so effortlessly, and my fingers manipulate the keys as if I had never taken a break. Whenever I perform I always block out the audience, like it is just the piano and I. 

When I finish there was roaring applause coming from all around the great hall. I get up from the bench and bow politely to the crowd. 

“Breathtaking as always, (y/n)!” Harvey claps as he returns onto the stage next to me, “I hope you’ll grace us with another song later in the evening! But for now I’ll bring the regular band back up, please resume the drinking and dancing!” 

I nod and smile at him as I quickly make my way off the stage, eager to get back to Erwin. 

I try to make my way back over to where I left him, but a crowd quickly forms around me. I’m overwhelmed by people trying to talk to me as soon as I leave the stage. I try to politely make my way around them, but it is kind of difficult for a person of my height. 

I feel a large pair of hands grab onto me and help me wade my way through the groups of people. I’m relieved to look up and see that it was Erwin. 

“So, what did you think?” I smile up at him. 

“Not the worst I’ve heard,” He comments, smirking down at me, “Looks like sneaking away is going to be a bit tougher for you with the crowd of admirers you have amassed.” 

“Just glower at them for me, you have a very intimidating scowl.” 

“Joking aside,” Erwin sighs, “I’ve never heard anyone sing quite like you. You have my permission to sing whenever and wherever you want on base.” 

“If you’re lucky I can offer you a more private performance,” I wink at him and smile when I see a faint blush in his cheeks, “Try not to miss me too much, I have a mission.” 

“Wait,” I pause when Erwin grabs my wrist, “I said I would help you. I’m not going to take ‘no’ for an answer, so just tell me what you want me to do.” 

Usually in parties like these there are not guards standing in front of any rooms that are off limits, that would draw too much attention to that room. They keep the doors locked, and leave the key to some member of the staff. The hard part is finding out who that would be. When I figure that out, it should be easy to manipulate my way past the person, it was basically my job once. 

“I need to figure out who of the employees has keys to locked rooms on the upper floors.” I tell Erwin quietly as we make our way to the outer edges of the room, where there is a little less noise. 

We both look at the employees around the hall, they were all wearing burgundy coloured jackets, black bow ties and pants. None of them stood out right away to me, so Erwin and I take our time in watching them. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Erwin nudges me when he notices something I don’t, “See the man on the top of the stairs now?” 

I look to where he is pointing, there is an employee standing by the stairs, seemingly monitoring the other employees, “Yeah, why? Is there something different about him?” 

“I’ve been watching him, he is the only employee that talks to the other ones. None of the other employees talk to one another, he is the common denominator. When they do speak with him, they start doing something different than what they were originally doing.” He explains to me. 

There are many reasons why he is the Commander, but this is definitely one of them. His observational skills are seemingly unparalleled. 

“Thank you,” I say gratefully, “That makes things easier for me. After I’m done speaking with him and he comes back, try to make sure he stays in this area. Please don’t get involved too much, I don’t want you to get in trouble. I can only slip away for at most an hour before people start to notice.” 

He nodded at me, “Be careful, I want you returned to me unharmed.” 

“Yes sir.” I smirk at him before I head for the man at the top of the stairs. 

“Excuse me, sir,” I say sweetly, getting his attention immediately. Once he sees me, a smile spreads across his face, “Oh hello, that was a great performance, Ms. (L/n), you had everyone transfixed.” 

“Thank you, sir,” I flash him a big smile, “That means so much to me! It’s been so long since I performed, I’m a little out of practice. Being around this many people and this much excitement has really been depleting my energy. And I’m still technically in recovery from my time stuck outside the wall.” 

“Oh yes!” He replied excitedly, “I heard about that, you’re a real survivor!” 

“Thank you, but it did take a lot out of me, and I really don’t have much energy still. I know it’s a lot to ask, but may I please just lie down in any of the rooms here? It doesn’t even have to be a bedroom, just anywhere with a couch where I can quietly rest for a bit. I want to make sure my next performance will be just as good as my first.” 

The man bites his lip nervously, clearly trying to decide on whether or not he should allow me access into any other rooms on the upper floor. I rest my hand on his arm and lean into him, “Sorry, I’m just feeling a little faint.” 

His face goes red and he puts his arm around me gently, “Okay, I’ll bring you to one of the rooms.” He relents, letting me lean on him as he walks with me down a hallway and up another flight of stairs. 

He stops a few doors down a hallway after the stairs. I watch carefully to see what pocket he keeps the keys in. He reaches into is left pant pocket and quickly finds the key to open the door. 

“It would take me forever to figure out which key to use,” I giggle as he immediately puts the correct key in the hole, “I would be completely useless.” 

“It’s not too difficult,” He said proudly, “All the locks and keys have slightly different patterns, it isn’t something one would notice unless you knew.” 

“Very clever,” I compliment him as he opens the door for me. I pretend to trip over my feet on my way through the door. The man quickly catches me before I fall to the ground. His left hand seems to be his dominant one, his keys are in his left pocket. He used his left hand to unlock the door and he caught my upper body with his left arm too. Perfect, I should be able to swipe his keys from him when he is putting me down. 

The room he brought me to did seem to be a bedroom, a guest room perhaps? It somehow feels familiar and I don’t know why... 

“Okay,” He sighed as he lay me down on the bed, “Take some time to rest in here.” 

Before he can turn to leave, I grab him by the bottom of his jacket, “Thank you so much, I really appreciate this.” 

He smiles down at me, “No problem.” As I slowly release my hold on his jacket, my hand slips down to his trouser pocket where the keys are dangling out ever so slightly. 

I am able to grab it without rousing his suspicion, and wait a few minutes for him to leave the room. I wait for a few more minutes to give him time to walk back down to the party. 

Once I’m comfortable with the amount of time I have given him, I get up from the bed and quickly made my way back to the door. I open it slowly to make sure I wasn’t mistaken and he decided to stick around in front of the door instead of heading back down. 

The hallway was clear, perfect. A weird feeling came over me as I start to head down the hallway. It kind of feels like in my dreams where my body knows where to go, but my mind is unsure. 

So I must have been here before and don’t remember it. I let my subconscious lead me to wherever it feels like I need to be, and I come upon a door that is at the end of the hallway on the left. 

I examine the lock and the keys I have in my hand. The man was right, each key had a slightly different intricate pattern on it. I flip through the keys and quickly find the one that matches the door in front of me. 

I turn the key in the lock and quietly open it. The room looks like an office, there is a large desk and chair at one end of the room, and a large bookcase on the other end. 

I make my way toward the desk first. It doesn’t seem like any of the drawers are locked, so I am able to get into them easily. Most of the drawers have nothing of note in them, just regular office supplies. 

I open the final drawer and I see a small black box in it. I take it out of the drawer and open it. There was a syringe and a vial with some form of liquid in it. There was no label anywhere around it, so I’m not sure what it is. 

Best to leave it alone for now, so I make my way over to the bookshelves instead. My subconscious brought me here, but I don’t know what to do now. My body isn’t moving automatically anymore... Looks like it’s only up to present me now. 

I look at the spines of the books and files that are on the shelf. There are a lot of names, probably patients. I freeze when I come upon a familiar name though, Laney Sanderson. 

Why does Harvey Banning have a patient file of my mother? Peter is supposed to be her only doctor, to my knowledge, she has never been seen by anyone else. I grab it off the shelf immediately so I can flip through it. But it’s empty. Why have all the documents been removed? 

I put the empty file back up on the shelf and tried reaching for a book instead. This may take a little while, but I can’t take too long... 

Erwin’s POV 

It’s been a little over an hour now, and I still have not seen (y/n) return. Could she be in trouble? The man that led her away hasn’t left the party area, but could someone else have caught her? 

I’m starting to get a little worried, maybe I should walk the halls and see if she’s okay. I make my way towards the stairs leading out of the great hall, being careful and mindful that no one sees me go. 

Most of the guests are either tipsy or drunk, dancing and chatting the night away. I am able to slip away quietly and head upstairs. I try opening doors as I go, but all the ones I try are locked. I’m about to give up when one door I try does open. 

I open it slowly and step inside. It looked like a guest bedroom with a pair of glass doors leading out onto a balcony. (Y/n) was there, staring at a book she has in her hands, it doesn’t seem like she heard me come in. 

“Snooping again, Peitho?” I say in a low voice, startling her so much she almost dropped the book over the balcony. 

But she relaxes when she sees it is only me, “Not funny, Erwin.” She smirks at me. 

“Find anything interesting?” I ask her, sitting down on one of the benches. 

“I did find something very curious,” She hands me the book she was flipping through, “Take a look.” 

“Plants, Animals and Fungi,” I read the cover and give her a quizzical look, “This book interests you? Seems to be very old too.” 

“It’s not the contents that’s curious, it’s what isn’t in there that is curious.” She corrects me. 

She takes the book back from me and starts flipping through the pages, “Everything seems to be normal, but when you reach the middle, there are some pages that have been ripped out.” 

“That is curious, but without knowing what those pages contained there isn’t much we can do with this book.” 

“Look at the front where the table of contents is,” She replied, flipping back to the front of the book, “Whoever ripped out those pages was dumb enough to not rip out the table of contents too.” 

(Y/n) was right, the table of contents remained intact, “Animal and Plant Pheromones and How to Use Them.” I read the missing pages title out loud. 

“Yes,” (y/n) said excitedly, “If you skim through this book there are a lot of plant and animal species that are not documented in any books available to the public within the walls. And if you look at the subscripts underneath the title, it lists medicinal benefits and titans are mentioned in the table of contents too.” 

I raise my eyebrows and give her my full attention, “What if fighting the titans head on isn’t the right way to win against them? What if there is a way we can camouflage ourselves against them? They don’t attack animals, just people. Is it because they just see us as human? Or is it our smell? Is it the way we sound? Is it all of the above? What is it specifically that draws them to only us? What if in this old book was an answer for how to do just that? But it was removed so no one else could figure it out?” She concluded excitedly. 

“That’s quite the jump to make from only a few pages missing out of a book,” I consider her questions, “But why not just get rid of the entire book?” I puzzled, “It seems counterintuitive to me.” 

(Y/n) shrugs in return, “There must be other uses that he still needs this book for. Maybe medications. But, if nothing else, at least this book is even more confirmation that the government is doing their best to hide the mysteries outside the walls. I tried flipping through a bunch of other books, but this is the only one that really got my attention.” 

She grabs the book from my hand and throws it over the balcony, “You worked pretty hard for that,” I laugh at her strange action, “Why did you do that?” 

“Ellen and Paul are letting me use their carriage to get to my place tonight,” She explains, “The carriages aren’t parked far from here, so I’ll collect the book when I’m on my way over to get the carriage and go to my place. I can’t be seen walking through the party with that book on me.” 

She’s going to her house instead of back to base? I’m a bit disappointed, but I’m sure she has a valid reason. 

“I know it’s a bit odd,” (y/n) sighs, “But Commander Pixis and I are meeting up later. I feel we will be a bit too noisy, so I thought it would be best if we just went to my house instead.” 

I know she’s joking, but just the thought of her ever hooking up with anyone else irritates me to no end. She starts laughing at my stern expression, “I am joking, you know that right? Though I guess sometimes it’s hard to tell with me, but it’s usually safe to assume I’m kidding.” 

“I know,” I give her a reassuring smile, “Why aren’t you just coming back to base?” 

“I’m going to visit my mother tomorrow, my house is closer than HQ is, so it is just easier if I stay there tonight,” She explains, “I also want to take a look around there too. The room I found that book in also had many files on patients. One of those patients is my mother. I’ve never heard of him trying to help my mother, but that doesn’t mean it never happened. But her file was empty, like all the other files on patients, so I’m not sure what he was treating her for. Did he move the actual contents of the files to a more secure location? And why?”

Very curious, a doctor with empty patient files. What is he hiding? 

“I also found this weird syringe with some unknown fluid in it. Is it some kind of new drug? Is he doing tests with it?” She sighs, “No use trying to figure it out now I guess, we don’t have enough information to go off of for a solid theory. I thought I was going to find more than what I did. But we better get back to the party,” She said as she started heading towards the door, “I can’t have them get suspicious.” 

I get up from the bench and follow her to the door, “You know, if you’re feeling lonely tonight you can always invite Marie back,” She laughs, “I’m sure she would be more than willing.” 

She tried to say it nonchalantly, but I could detect a little hint of jealousy in her tone. 

“Never going to happen.” I say firmly. 

“I mean, she is married, but that doesn’t seem to deter her at all considering the way she was clinging on to you.” 

“We had something a long time ago,” I admit, “But that’s in the past, I would have thought she would be long over it by now. But I guess she is not.” 

“Maybe you guys should talk before you leave, it seems like she has a lot she still needs to say.” 

Before (y/n) can open the door I put my hands on the door on either side of her, boxing her in front of me, “What are you doing?” 

Her face is completely red and she won’t look me in the eye, “You just have some history with her, so I thought maybe you would like to get closure too.” 

“I don’t need closure, I was the one who ended it. You’re trying to test me, see if one meeting with an ex will make me lose interest in you?” 

She doesn’t really respond, just continues to avoid my gaze, it’s actually kind of entertaining watching her squirm. 

“Are you jealous?” 

“No!” She replies quickly. 

“You have a lot of nerve being jealous of Marie when guys throw themselves at you all the time. I have to keep myself from punching all of them.” I smirk at her. 

“I didn’t know you felt that way.” She replied, feigning ignorance. 

“Stop playing.” I lower myself closer to her level. 

“Someone’s bold tonight.” She giggled. 

“It’s your fault. Look at me.” 

She finally raises her (e/c) eyes to meet mine, and now I have to look away. I feel the overwhelming urge to kiss her, but I don’t know if it’s the right time. 

“Fuck it.” She groaned and pulled my face closure to her’s and pressed her lips to mine. 

The kiss turned into a more heated one fast. I place my hands on her ass and pull her further up more against the door. I’ve thought a lot about grabbing her ass, it feels even better than I imagined. 

I bite impatiently at her lower lip, demanding access to inside her mouth which she eagerly allows. I grind myself against her and she moans into my mouth as she wraps her arms around my neck. 

I shift her weight more onto my left so I could reach the door handle with my right hand. The door locks with an audible click, and I bring my full attention back to (y/n).


	30. Chapter 30: First Time (Lemon)

Warning: This chapter contains Lime/Lemon sections. If that isn't your thing, the perspectives will be Author's POV. If you want to skip those sections, then just scroll past the Author's POV. 

Author's POV 

'Why did he have to stay so close?' You thought to yourself, 'If I didn't look at him I would have been fine.' But with him so close to you, you could smell the soap you recommended to him, his voice was low and alluring, and those blue eyes of his were the last straw. You needed to kiss him. 

The way you just attacked him without warning definitely turned him on. He wanted to tear that dress off of you and take you in every way imaginable. But for what he had planned for you, he didn't want to be rushed. This isn't exactly the best place for this kind of thing, but at least he can give you a sneak peek for what's to come. 

After locking the door, Erwin grabbed your hair and forced your head gently but forcefully back so he had better access to your neck. You gasped when he started exploring your neck and collar bone with his eager lips. 

A devious smile spread across his lips when he reached your sweet spot, "Ahh-, Erwin." You gasped breathlessly as he started abusing the spot on your neck. He growled deeply into your skin, loving the way you said his name in such a lewd voice. 

You tried to make yourself be more quiet, but it wasn't working well. He put his leg between your thighs so he could use his hands to explore your body a little. His hands roamed teasingly around your breasts, squeezing them gently. 

You've never wanted to be naked more, you wanted him to explore every inch of your body with his hands and lips. But you both know you're short on time, but this will hold you over until you 2 get away from this place. 

But you were both enjoying the moment, you wanted so badly to touch Erwin. But he was taking complete control and you were really enjoying it. 

His hands moved from your breasts and travel down slowly down to your waist, where he rubs his fingers lightly over the exposed flesh of your sides. His light touches send shivers throughout your body. 

You wrap your legs around him to bring him even closer. Erwin takes his lips off of your neck and goes back to your mouth. Your moans were getting louder, and he was afraid someone might hear you. Even though he loved your gentle moans, he couldn't have you 2 being caught. 

You decide to take the lead a bit in this kiss and slide your tongue into his mouth first. He groaned quietly when you started sucking on his tongue and bit gently on his lip. You feel the bulge in his pants growing harder, making his pants uncomfortably tight. 

As you grind your lower body against him, he growls and reaches his right hand down underneath your dress, "Careful," You giggle, "That is a dagger in my pants, but I am still very happy to see you." 

"Hot." Erwin smirks and removed the knife attached to your thigh. Once he removes it, he resumes what he was planing on before. He was not going to let you win, he was going to leave you weak and begging for more. 

"You're already so wet," He comments as he teases your sensitive folds, "Have you been wanting me that badly?" 

Your face goes red and you refuse to answer, "I asked you a question, Cadet," He growls lowly at you, "Answer me." You feel a jolt of delicious electricity as he rubs his thumb against your sensitive bundle of nerves painfully slow. 

"Yes sir," You moaned quietly, his authoritative voice turning you on even more. 

Pleased with your answer, he slowly inserts a finger into you. It's a good thing you aren't standing, if you were you probably would have collapsed. Your body felt weak to his touch, and you couldn't keep yourself from moaning a little loudly. Erwin kisses you again to swallow your moans, sucking your breath right out of you as he started adding another finger into you. 

"Mmmm!" Your hips start moving on their own, pleading for him to go faster. You feel him smirk against your lips as he obliges and starts pumping his fingers faster in and out of you. 

"I wish you knew how amazing you feel," Erwin groaned inside your ear as he bit your lobe gently, "I can't wait to take you completely." 

"Then do it," You replied, breathing heavily, not thinking of the consequences, "Take me here and now." 

Erwin struggled when you were so forward, he wanted more than anything to fuck you right there, but the risk of being caught is too great, "Bad girl," He chuckled, "You know we can't here." 

He picks up the pace and starts scissoring his fingers inside you, causing you to spasm a bit as you reached your limit, "Erwin, don't stop, please! I'm so close." 

He kisses you again as he speeds up a little more to get you to your climax, "Cum for me." He whispers against your lips. 

The coil that has been building up in your core finally snaps, and your legs try to squeeze together as you're overwhelmed from the feelings and the aftermath of your orgasm. You moan loudly into Erwin's mouth, who desperately tries to quiet you down again. 

He slowly lowers you back to your feet, "That was surprisingly fast." He smirked as he licked your juices off his fingers, "Shut up!" You laughed, blushing furiously, "Virgin, remember?" 

"No witty remarks or sarcastic comebacks." 

"Give me a minute, I can't think clearly." 

He laughed at your response and admires the purple marks he has left on your neck, "Those look good on you." 

When you realize what he is talking about, you take your hair down from the updo in an attempt to cover up the hickeys, "I'll get you back for that." 

"I look forward to that." He grins down at you. 

"I'll help you take care of that later." You say, pointing to the sizeable bulge that is still in his pants. 

"I can't even begin to explain how badly I want that." He replied, running his fingers through your soft (h/l) (h/c) hair and pulling you in for one final kiss. When he releases you he gives your ass a firm slap, "Better save at least one more dance for me." 

"Of course," You giggle as you grabbed the employee's keys off the side table and re-attached your throwing knife to your thigh, "Come to my house tonight." 

You weren't asking, you were demanding. Erwin's smile widens at your demand, "Yes ma'am." And he makes his way out of the room first. 

You wait a few minutes to leave the room, not wanting to show up with Erwin. You were, after all, supposed to be resting by yourself up here. 

After inhaling deeply and make sure your hair is concealing Erwin's love bites, and you finally exit the room and make your way downstairs. 

Your POV 

I walked slowly so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, my short private time with Erwin has left me a bit dazed and craving more. The feeling of his large hands on my body, his warm touch, his surprisingly soft lips and his low deep voice were enough to drive me insane with desire. 

As I finally reached the great hall with the party still going strong, I looked for the employee who's keys I stole. I spot him at the side of the dance floor holding a trey of what appeared to be wine. 

I was having difficulty squeezing my way through the sea of people. I was constantly being stopped by people wanted to talk to me or dance with me. I recognize some of them as people I was rented out to in the past, and even some men and women I used to work with. But I politely declined them all, I had to get these keys back to the man, before he realizes they are gone. 

When I reach him, I noticed he was pretty distracted by the tipsy women in front of him reaching for more wine. I quickly place the keys carefully back into his left pocket and grab onto his jacket, "Thank you again so much, sir," I say as I smile innocently at him, "I feel much better." At least I didn't lie about that. 

He blushes when he sees my smile face, "It's no problem, Ms. (L/n)." 

I reach up on the tips of my toes and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing again into the crowd. I make my way to the edge of the dance floor where I can breathe a little bit. 

"Well well we'll, who do we have here?" 

I look up to see who spoke and was surprised to see Kenny standing there. How the hell did he get in here? No way he was invited to something like this. 

"What are you doing here, Kenny?" I furrow my brows at him suspiciously, "Come to finish the job your lackeys couldn't manage?" 

He laughs loudly, "I guess it was pretty easy to determine that it was me." 

"The only think I don't understand is why you wanted me to get away, or how Laurie found out where I was." 

He stares down at me with a smirk, "Oh, and what makes you think that I let you get away?" 

"Simple, the men you sent after me were good, but you have much better fighters and trackers than them. Why didn't you send you're A squad after me? If you really wanted to capture or kill me, that is." 

"Why indeed," Kenny pulls his hat further down his forehead to cover his face a little more, "Let's just say I still have a use for you." 

"What makes you think I'll cooperate with your schemes?" I raise my eyebrows at him. 

"You'll have to trust me." 

"Trust you?" I laughed loudly, "Why would I do that?" 

"I helped you once before if you remember." 

"Yeah, but your policy is reciprocity; you only helped me because I gave you information. I'm pretty much useless in that department now, I'm sure you know more than I do at this point." I sigh. 

"So it is true, you did lose some of your memories, interesting." 

"Yeah, fascinating." I say shortly, hoping it will conclude our little conversation. 

"I also find it interesting that you will trust Peter, but you have trouble trusting me. I have done nothing to you." He commented, knowing he would get a reaction out of me. 

"What are you talking about? Of course I trust Peter, he hid me from Laurie and took care of me when I needed it most. At great personal risk, I might add." I respond, glaring up at his smirking face. 

"Oh, is that what you thought it was? You think it was out of the kindness of his own heart? You're so naive it makes me sick, what would your father say?" He returns my glare. 

"Shut the fuck up, Kenny," I snarl at him, "What the fuck do you know about what he has done for me?" 

"Apparently I know more than you, how pathetic." 

This conversation is doing nothing for me, I need to get out of it before I cause a scene. 

"You can trust me more than you can trust him, or any of the men who still work for Pearson, we have a common enemy," Kenny continued, "At least I won't lie to you." 

Kenny doesn't say anything more, just disappears into the crowd again. A use for me huh? Interesting, but whatever he is scheming for me, I don't want any part of it. 

What the hell is he trying to do? Cause a rift between Peter and I? But why should he want that? They worked together to get me out of Laurie's after all... 

"Hello sister-in-law." I roll my eyes when I see Conrad's curly blonde head make its way over to me. 

"Ex sister-in-law," I correct him, "Apparently Katrina finally decided to grow a back bone." 

"I didn't think I would see you here," He continues, "Such a nice performance you gave." 

I ignore him, my eyes fall on the stage where Dr. Banning is, he must be preparing to make another speech. 

"Laurie told me to come just in case you did decide to show up," He comments, my cold shoulder doing nothing to deter him, "Are you brave or stupid? They look so similar sometimes it's hard to tell." 

"I'm not afraid of any of you anymore, so just continue on with whatever speech you've been rehearsing and fuck off." I reply, giving him a bored expression. 

"You think you can escape this? You can't, (y/n). How much longer are you going to play solider until you get it?" 

"Until I die I imagine." 

"No one gets out of this life alive, you'll be back whether it is by force or by choice." 

"You know, for someone who likes to talk, you really have nothing to say, Conrad." 

"Attention everyone!" 

Banning's booming voice interrupts whatever Conrad wanted to say next, "I'm sorry to interrupt the festivities, but I do want to take the time to say thank you to our generous donors! Without whom, we would not be able to do the research we have been able to!" 

There was applause and whistles all over the great hall, "Yes! Yes! Thank you all!" He continued, pushing his glasses further up on his nose, "I'm pleased to announce that we are on the verge of a breakthrough! Our research indicates that we can start human trials soon for our cancer research! In the not so distant future, cancer will no longer be a death sentence!" 

Again there were cheers and applause that broke out around the hall, even louder than before. Yeah, but at what cost? Was all I could think to myself. Something doesn't feel right, but what is it? 

After the applause subsided, loud slow clapping could be heard from the side of the stage. It was Kenny. I couldn't help but smirk a little, this should be good. 

"Looks like your dog is off his leash." I whisper to Conrad, who looked very irritated to see him there. 

I look up at Banning to see his reaction, his face went completely white when he saw Kenny, "Congratulations, Dr. Banning," Kenny smiles as he makes his way up on the stage with him, "A group of real smart people you have, although, for smart people you're pretty dumb. Or maybe you just lack street smarts." 

"(Y/n)," I felt someone grab my arm, when I looked I was relieved to see it was Erwin, "You need to go." 

"No way," I pouted playfully, "I want to stay! I'm finally having fun now, right Conrad?" I laugh at the scared look on his face, "See, it's fun!" 

"For example," Kenny continued as he walked closer to Banning, "Not paying your debts to the person who has provided you with a lot of 'support' and 'resources', along your journey doesn't seem very smart, huh?" 

I look around the hall to see how others are reacting to the scene unfolding on the stage. Everyone's eyes were fixed on the stage, no one saying a word. My eyes are drawn to the people I used to work with at Laurie's. They looked even more scared than everyone else. I guess there has been some kind of falling out between Kenny and Laurie. Is that why they look so scared? 

"(Y/n), please." Erwin pulls on my arm again. 

"But it's fine," Kenny sneers, "You'll pay me back, but with interest." 

Suddenly I hear a scream as a girl not far from me is stabbed in the gut by a man standing in front of her. Then all hell started breaking loose. 

It appeared that the assassins in the crowd were only after the people that worked for Laurie. But I saw a couple of their faces and it looked like they were from the underground. I'm in trouble. 

"Go!" Erwin yells at me this time as a hooded man tries to approach me. He doesn't have to tell me twice, "Be careful!" I yell back at him as I turn to leave. Conrad is still frozen in place, still watching the stage with Kenny admiring the chaos, and Banning looking horrified. 

"Conrad," I try to get his attention, "Come on, we're targets." I may hate the guy, but that doesn't mean I want him to die. 

Without waiting for a response I grab the knife attached to my thigh, grab Conrad and start running. 

I dodge outstretched hands that try to grab me as we run, taking a swing with my knife if I had to. Conrad just follows after me silently, "For fuck sakes, Conrad," I glare at him, "Are those muscles just for show? Fight back!" 

I was frustrated by how little he was helping. Anybody that grabbed him I would have to double back and deal with them. 

When we get outside I start running in the direction of the carriages, with Conrad following me closely. I can hear 2 men running up behind us, that's not good. Even if we make it to the carriages they will catch us no problem when we stop to get the carriage ready. 

"Go!" I yell at Conrad, pushing him forward. I turn around to deal with the 2 running up at me. I throw my knife at one of the men so he won't go after Conrad, leaving the other one alive to deal with me. 

I act fast and throw the first punch before he has a chance to defend himself. He is much bigger than me, so I have to get in my punches as early as possible. I didn't throw him off as much as I had hoped, so I quickly take up my defensive stance and be careful to avoid being in his striking range for too long. 

I try to back up to the other man to grab my throwing knife that is still sticking out of his chest. But the man sees what I am planning, every time I try to get closer he throws punches so I have to bring my attention back to him and start blocking. 

We circle each other for awhile, throwing punches and kicks at each other, neither one of us giving the other a chance to strike. I feel something cold and hard behind me, it was a fountain. I start to move to my left but something strange happens. 

I feel my legs suddenly buckle underneath me and completely give up, leaving me to fall backwards straight into the fountain. The man I was fighting took the opportunity to hold me under the water. 

I struggle against his grip the best I can, but I still wasn't in control of my legs so I couldn't kick at him. The best I could do was claw at his arms and hands with my nails. But he merely grunts in response, too focused on trying to drown me to notice the pain. 

I can feel myself getting weaker and my brain starts to go fuzzy as I stop struggling, not having the energy to fight back anymore as my vision starts to go dark. 

Just when I'm about to pass out, the man's grip on me disappears and I'm pulled out of the fountain coughing and gasping for air. I look up to see Conrad was the one who helped me out of the fountain, "What is with you? You could have taken him out! I've seen you fight 3 guys that were his size at once!" 

I shake his hands off me, "Shut up!" 

"Get up," He sighs, "We're almost at the carriages."

"I can't." I mumble. 

"... Why?" 

"My legs gave out on me, that's why I fell in the fountain," I admit to him, "I don't know if I can walk." 

"I can carry you." He offered, holding his hands out to lift me up. But he stopped when I gave him a, 'If you touch me, you die', look. 

"Well, there is only one way to find out for sure, yeah? Get up." 

I want to, but I'm also afraid to. My body is betraying me and it's scary. I'm scared to know for sure, if I sit a little longer I can still pretend like I actually have control over my body. Why are my legs suddenly giving out? It doesn't make any sense. 

"Well fine, if it's okay with you I'm going to take your fancy knife with me," Conrad teases as he grabs the knife out of the man that was trying to drown me. He must have taken it out of the other guy in order to save me, "Good luck with everything!" 

"Don't you dare!" I yell at him, leaping up onto my feet. "There you go!" He laughed, watching me stomp towards him. 

I mean, I guess that is good. But what just happened? When it comes to my hand jerking randomly I can explain it away... What is this? Did my mom have any issues like this? 

"Peitho! Let's go!" Conrad shakes me out of my daze. 

"Don't call me that," I glare at him, slapping his hands off of me, "I'm fine, you should get out of here." 

He shifts from foot to foot nervously, as if he is trying to contemplate whether he should say anything more or not, "Thank you." Is all he says to me before leaving me on my own. 

Instead of heading straight to the carriage, I decide to turn back and look for Ellen. I know they probably won't be targeted, but I'm worried about her and Paul. I just want to make sure sure they are okay. 

I weave through the people that seem to be rushing out of Banning's party, and I don't see Ellen or Paul among them. I reach the large doors and push past the crowd of people, calling out for them. 

"(Y/n)! What the hell are you still doing here?" Uh oh, I know that stern deep voice, it was Erwin. 

I turn to look at him and worry starts filling me up. It looks like he has a gash on his head, "Erwin, what happened?" 

"It's fine." He muttered, "I'll deal with it when I get back to base, you need to get out of here! They are after you too." 

"I know, but have you seen Ellen? I can't leave unless I know she is safe." 

"I saw her and her husband leave a few minutes ago, she's fine. What happened to you?" He asked, examining me for injuries and noticed my wet dress. 

"I fancied a swim in the fountain," I joke, "The water is at the perfect temperature!" My smile fades when he glared at me, clearly not in the mood for my usual sarcastic comebacks, "I was pinned underwater by one of the men, but I'm fine." 

"(Y/n)-"

"Be careful, Erwin," I say to him as I turn to leave, but Erwin grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. I was surprised, he clearly didn't care if anyone was watching. "You too." He said as he released me and walked further into the crowd to help who he could. 

This is insane, I never would have thought Kenny would orchestrate something like this and turn on Laurie so publicly. Then again, I don't really know the ins and outs of their strange partnership, so I guess I can't really comment on what went wrong. 

I notice Banning is still standing in the stage, seemingly still in shock, unsure of what to do.

I feel an arm wrap around my waist and a hand over my mouth. As the person pulled me against their body they whispered into my ear, "Stop struggling, I'll get you out of here." It was Kenny again. 

He walked with me through the crowd and out the front doors again, and started walking in the direction of the carriages. When we were farther away from the main crowd he put me down, "What are you doing?" I growl at him while he smirks down at me. 

"I can't have you dying yet, (l/n)" He laughed, "I still need you, remember?" 

"For what?" 

"You'll see when the time comes, for now stay out of trouble. Oh and tell Peter what happened here too, he's just as apart of this as Banning and Pearson," He leans down so he's closer to my face, "If you want to know more, why don't you go searching at your mother's husband's place? Better still, why not take a sneak peek around Peter's office too." 

"Why are you so focused on turning me against Peter?" I demand, "He helped me! He risked everything to keep me safe! He would never do anything to deceive me!" 

"Oh ho," He snarled, "Is that why you think he took you in? Out of the goodness of his own heart? Sure, you keep thinking that (l/n). Keep avoiding the truth, it's what you seem to be good at now-a-days." 

He tipped his hat to me before leaving me there stunned. How am I supposed to react? I can understand David being involved with something sketchy, but not Peter. Peter has always been amazing to me... So why is my stomach fluttering nervously? Something doesn't feel right. Kenny has no reason to lie to me, does he? 

I finally grab the book from the bushes and hop on Ellen's carriage. I urge the horse faster to get me out of there, eager to get to my home, shower and sleep. Though I can't help but wonder if Erwin will still stop by... On the drive home I can't stop thinking about our little alone time in that room. The way his hands felt against my body and how his kiss sent shivers down my spine. 

Stop thinking about it, (y/n). He won't come tonight, he was busy trying to help people. He is not as selfish as he makes himself out to be. 

Erwin's POV 

I should have escorted (y/n) to the carriages myself, I'll never be able to forgive myself if she is not okay. When I went back into the crowd to help some others fighting against the group of people from the underground, I glanced over at (y/n) one last time and I saw someone grab her and carry her away. 

My stomach dropped immediately and I tried to run after them. But the doors were way too crowded with people, when I finally pushed my way through, I couldn't see her anywhere. 

'It's okay,' I try telling myself, 'You know how much of a fighter she is, she'll get out of this alive too'. I do my best to help out a few more people being attacked by the men from the underground. Only one other died and I was able to save 2 more. 

I could feel the blood from the cut on the side of my head run down my face and neck. I'm fairly certain it is just a superficial wound, head wounds do tend to bleed a lot and it makes it look worse than it actually is. 

I race off on my horse, I need to get (y/n) I need to make sure she is okay. But I realize I don't know where she lives outside of HQ. I may have to stop at base to see where it is, it should be written in her file. 

I hop on my horse quickly and I'm off, going a bit slowly until I clear the crowd and speed off to HQ. 

My mind is going crazy the whole ride back to HQ. What if she wasn't able to fight that man off? What if he has taken her? I know she is a capable fighter, but I can't help but worry about her. 

It feels like hours until I finally reach HQ. It doesn't seem like anyone is still awake. Good. I race to my office and look for (y/n)'s file. Yes, her address was added to the file not too long ago. 

I quickly memorize it and run back out of HQ, not wanting to run in to anyone or waste anymore time. I need to see her, I need to know if she's okay. 

As I ride in the direction of her place, my thoughts go to the moment we shared in that room. I could hardly believe it when she decided to make the first move to kiss me. The want and need I feel for her shot up, and the only thing I wanted to do is explore her body and mark it as mine. 

I reach the number of the house that should be her's and hop off my horse. I quickly make my way to the door and knock loudly. I start to panic when I don't hear anything from the other side. I'm about to try and let myself in to check, when the door opens. 

(Y/n) is standing there with a smile on her face when she sees me, like nothing happened, "Erwin! I was wondering if you were going to show up." 

As I look down at her I'm overwhelmed with relief that she seems to be unhurt. She must have showered, because she was patting at her (h/l) (h/c) with a towel. I look further down from her face to see that she was wearing the shirt I let her borrow when she was hurt. 

She sees what I'm looking at and laughs, "Sorry, it's just so comfortable, I've been sleeping in it recently. If you really want it back, I'll give it to you." 

Is she even wearing anything under it? I can see her bare legs. Is she wearing shorts or just underwear? I bite my lower lip as I stare down at her, trying to fight the urge to ram her against the wall and finish what we started. 

"Erwin, you're still bleeding," She tsked at me, "Come on." She pulls me by my arm into the house and sat me down at a table, "Stay here, I know Peter would have left me medical supplies." She leaves the room and comes back quickly with some materials. 

She starts cleaning my cut and all I can think about is how close she is to me. Her sweet lavender scent is much stronger when she is freshly out of the shower, and her breasts are teasingly close to my face. 

I was still overwhelmed with that rush of relief. But now my thoughts are brought back to when we were in that bedroom. The way her soft warm skin felt against my hands, the little moans she made and the way she said my name.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" She ask as she finishes wiping the blood off my face and starts circling around me. "I don't think so-" 

"Um, what about back here?" She moved behind me and places her hand on my back, "You have a cut here too." 

"Really? I didn't even notice." I chuckle. 

(Y/n) steps in front of me again and reaches for the buttons on my shirt, "Your hands are shaking." I comment as she nervously starts unbuttoning my shirt. 

Her face goes red, "Shut up." She giggled as she finished with the buttons and pulled off my shirt. I noticed she started biting her lip as she examined my body, it felt good that I was able to have such an effect on her with just me being shirtless. 

She moves around to my back and starts patting at a cut between my shoulder blades. I don't even remember getting that cut, oh well, can't be that bad. After she finishes with that cut I can feel her fingers lightly dust up and down my back. If gave me shivers as she traces the scars I received from years of using ODM gear. 

I could feel my heart race just from her touches, she must know at this point the effect she has on me. "Who was the blonde man you were standing with before everything kicked off?" I ask her, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing. 

"Conrad?" (Y/n) giggled, "I used to work with him, he was one of the more persistent of my co-workers that made it known he wanted me. But I ignored him most of the time, and then he married my oldest sister." 

"What about the man who grabbed you?" I ask, trying not to think of this Conrad man trying to hit on (y/n). 

"He's the one who helped me escape from Laurie's," She says quietly, "He wants something from me, but I don't know what it is yet. That's why he let me go." 

"What does he want from you?" I questioned her, worried about what he may asked of her. It was the same man that was up on the stage to confront Banning, so who knows what he could possibly have planned for (y/n). 

"I don't know, when he helped me escape from Laurie, it was information he wanted. But I doubt I have any information currently he does not already have. So who knows what he wants." (Y/n) shrugs. 

"Try not to worry," She laughed when she saw the face I made, "I'll be alright." 

"You know you can't ask that of me," I respond, grabbing a hold of her arm, "I'm going to worry." 

"I know," She sighed, putting her hand under my chin to tilt my head up to look at her beautiful (e/c) eyes, "But try, I can take care of myself." 

"I'm aware, it's one of the many things that attracts me to you." I give her a gentle smile. 

"Oh?" She giggles, "Let's mix it up, what do you dislike about me?" 

"The way you disobey orders for one," I laugh, "The way you pretend not to know about what you do to the people around you." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She gasped dramatically. 

"Case and point," I smirk, "The way that you're always on my mind, it gets rather annoying and distracting." 

"Oh?" 

"Also, I don't like that you're still wearing my shirt. I want it back, now." 

(Y/n) smiles at me and walks behind me towards a set of stairs. I turn around in my seat to watch and see what she is up to now. 

She slowly pulls my shirt over her head and holds it in her hands, "Then come and get it." She gives me an alluring smile over her shoulder. Oh, I'll come and get it. 

I watch her walk up the stairs, all she was wearing was a pair of black panties that we're having a hard time covering her perfect ass, and a (f/c) bra. I hardly believed that this was actually my reality, I've fantasizes about her many times, but I didn't actually think it would happen. 

I quickly make my way up after her, but before following her into her bedroom, I have to stop myself briefly. I need to calm down, I don't want things to progress too quickly, I want her to be more comfortable. 

"Erwin," I hear her sweet voice call to me, "If you don't hurry up I'm going to start without you." 

"You better not." Restraint gone. 

Author's POV 

You didn't want to wait anymore, you wanted him to fuck you since your little session in the room. You sit on your bed and run your eyes up and down Erwin's body, disappointed that he still has his pants on. 

You stand up from your bed and he grabs you and pulls you into a heated embrace. Erwin bit at your lip roughly making you gasp, he clearly wasn't going to hold back anymore, he wanted you, now. But you were fine with that, you wanted him to lose control. There was just something about making Erwin lose his restraint that turned you on. Especially knowing you were the only person who could affect him like that. 

He carried you easily over to your bed and dropped you on the soft covers. He stopped and stood back to admire your body. It made you a little nervous, you may have been confident, but you've never been in such an intimate position before. Even Malcolm never saw you naked. 

You hated the scars all over your body, proof of your past life of never ending pain and suffering. Now here Erwin is, admiring your body, memorizing every curve, every inch of your skin to his memory. He thought you were beautiful, he didn't care about the scars or your past, he'd never been so turned on by anyone before. 

Erwin always prided himself on being in control of everything. But when it came to you, he felt he didn't know what he would do next, or how he would react. You brought life he didn't knew he still had back into him, and he was enjoying the moment. 

Your face is completely red as he stared down at your body, you were still wearing your bra and panties, your last line of defence before being completely exposed. 

"Are you nervous?" Erwin asked, making sure you were okay. 

"Yes," You admitted, giving him a sheepish smile, "It's just, whenever someone saw my body like this before, I had no choice. They would tear off my clothes and do what they pleased. But I've never voluntarily taken off my clothes for someone in such an intimate way, it's just a new feeling." 

You stand up from the bed, and motion for Erwin to sit. You were starting to get your confidence back, feeling like you were finally in control. Knowing Erwin would never do anything to hurt you gave you the final boost you were waiting for. 

You hold eye contact with Erwin as you slowly unhook your (f/c) bra, and finally let him see your breasts. Your new confidence turned Erwin on even more. He wanted you to be comfortable, so he was okay with letting you take the lead a little bit... For now anyways. It took a lot of effort for him to not touch your beautiful breasts, but he did his best to sit still and watched you undress all the way. 

Turning to the side a little bit so he had a better view of your ass too. You slowly slipped out of your panties, giving him a little show as you do. Seeing the desire in Erwin's eyes, and how hard he was trying to control himself made your stomach flutter. 

You strut over to him and sit on his lap, straddling his legs. You teased him by going to kiss him, but then you moved your lips to his ear instead, "You smell amazing," You moaned into his ear, biting his lobe gently, "Do you want me, Erwin?" 

"You have no idea how badly I want you." He groaned, finding it harder and harder holding himself back. 

"What do you want to do to me?" You asked as your lips travel down his jaw and his neck, making it even harder for him to speak. 

"So many things." 

"Touch me." You urge him, knowing he was holding back so you would be more comfortable. But you wanted to feel his large rough hands on your soft skin. 

He grabbed onto your hair and pulled your lips to his. He pressed his lips hungrily to your's, wanting to claim every part of your mouth. 

As you let him dominate your mouth, your hands reach for his belt. You eagerly unbuckle it and stood back up so Erwin could slip out of his pants. 

You have seen quite few dicks in the capital, literally and figuratively. But none of them prepared you for this. You've never seen anything like it, it made you feel even more excited and even a little scared. 'How is that even going to fit?' You pounder to yourself 

Erwin was surprised to watch you kneel down in front of him, "You don't have to." He reassures you. 

"I want to." You reply firmly, keeping eye contact with him as you slowly wrapped your soft lips around his head. 

He hissed loudly and throws his head back, trying very hard not to buck his hips into you. Your tongue slowly swirled teasingly around his head, making him moan your name loudly. 

You used your hand to stoke his shaft to make up for the places you couldn't reach with your mouth. Erwin watches you take in as much of him as you can, your (e/c) eyes look up at him again and he can't help but grab onto your hair and lower your head down more onto his cock. 

You started moaning, the vibrations sending jolts of intense pleasure throughout Erwin's body, "Fuck (y/n)," He growled. You still couldn't quite make it all the way down to his base, but you played with his balls a little to give him a little more pleasure to make up for it. 

Erwin couldn't take it anymore, he lifted you up and threw you on the bed. You smirked, you were wondering how long it would take him to lost control, and it looks like he has. 

He positions himself on top of you and smirks down at you, "I won't let you win, I'll have you begging for me before long." 

Now that he is more in control again, you lie back and let him proceed with what he has planned. He kissed and bit gently down your body, stopping at your breasts first, he has been waiting so long to touch them. 

You moaned softly as he started squeezing them gently. He started swirling his tongue around one of your nipples as he teases the other with his fingers. He bit gently down on your erect nipple making you arch your back, pushing yourself into him more. 

He performed the same treatment on the other breast before moving his way down your body. You gasped as he started gently pressing his lips to some of your scars on your stomach. You squirmed underneath him, his hot lips and tongue make you feel all kinds of sensations you never experienced before. 

His mouth finally made its way to your womanhood, "Erwin," You breathed heavily, feeling nervous. You have never had this kind of treatment before. He was gentle but firm, taking his time and making sure he moved slowly, you didn't know how to react to it. 

"Just relax," He reassures you, "If you want me to stop just tell me." 

You nod nervously for him to continue and lay yourself down again. You can feel him leave a trail of kisses up your thighs as he creeps closer to your most sensitive area. 

You gasped when he parted your lips a little to easily slide his tongue into you. "oh my god, Erwin! Ahh!" Are all the words you can manage as Erwin continues to flick his tongue around and in your pussy. 

Erwin used his left hand to hold down your waist from all the squirming you were doing, and his right hand reaches up to play with your breasts. You gripped onto the bed sheets, head tilted far back into the pillows. 

You were a little embarrassed by your shameless moaning and grabbed one of the pillows next to you and put it over your face. It was an attempt to try and stifle your moans a bit. 

Erwin notices and he grabs it and throws it away from you, "No, I want to hear your moans, don't hide them from me. I want to hear how good I make you feel." 

You nod in agreement, and he makes his way back to your pussy, "Look at me." He demanded. 

You did as he requested and watches him as he continues to eat you out. You were having a hard time staying still, the pleasure you felt was far too intense for you to stay still. You feel that familiar coil building up and becoming tighter, you were close, "Erwin, please," You didn't want to cum just yet, you wanted Erwin to fuck you to ecstasy. 

But instead of slowing down, he picked up the pace more. Sucking and biting at your clit making you a writhing mess below him, "Erwin, I'm going to-, ah! Fuck!" 

Your body convulsed as he sucked up all your juices from your orgasm, making him moan loudly at how sweet you tasted. 

Erwin comes up to kiss you, wanting you to taste yourself in his tongue. Without warning he shoved a finger into your sensitive pussy, stretching you out a bit to accommodate his size. When you started bucking your hips more eagerly against his finger he added another one and started curling them inside you, "What do you want, (y/n)?" He whispered to you in that deep voice of his, sending shivers up your spine. 

"I want you to fuck me, Erwin, I want you to fuck me until I can't see straight. Please, I need you." 

Hearing you beg and watching you become undone by him turned him on even more if that was possible. He removed his fingers from you, and wets his cock with your juices on his fingers. 

He slowly thrusts into you, almost tearing his lip open trying to stifle a very loud moan. Your tight wells immediately sucked him in to pure bliss. 

You dug your nails into his back as he pushes himself all the way inside you. He paused to give you time to adjust to his size. He kisses and nibbles at your neck to distract you from the pain. It worked, it didn't take long for the pain to subside. You could feel Erwin's cock throb inside you, begging to ram into you over and over again. 

You buck your hips up at him, signalling to him you wanted him to start moving. He picked up his pace and started thrusting in and out of you, "Fuck, you're tight, (y/n)," He moaned, "So good." 

He is mesmerized by your breasts bouncing up and down with each powerful thrust. "Erwin, harder please," You groaned, "Your cock feels so good." 

He lifts up your legs and rests them on his shoulders, and pounds into you mercilessly. With your legs up he is able to reach even deeper, and it doesn't take him long to hit your g spot, causing you to practically scream out his name, "Oh god, Erwin! There please!" 

You didn't care about the expressions you may be making on your face. Erwin felt so good inside you, every thrust caused you to see stars. 

Erwin smiles down at you, "As you wish." He thrusts his hips at an inhuman pace sending you into a state of pure euphoria. Watching your expressions was turning Erwin into an animal, "Yes," He growled lowly, "Gods I could fuck your tight pussy all night." 

His hands move to your ass to lift your hips a little more, earning more moans from you as he plunges himself even deeper inside you. 

You took him by surprise when you rolled out from underneath him and switched positions with him. You stare down at his hooded blue eyes and bounce up and down on his cock. 

Erwin reaches up to play with your breasts as you ride him, "Erwin, I can't last much longer." 

"Then cum," He said breathlessly, "Cum all over my cock." 

His words pushed you over the edge, and your second orgasm hit you like a giant wave crashing into you. Erwin let's you ride out your orgasm on top, and then flips you onto your back again so he could be on top again, getting ready for his own release. The bed slams against the wall loudly at his violent thrusts. 

He started sucking and biting at your neck again, "Fuck (y/n), so amazing." He moaned loudly as he came inside you. 

You loved the feeling of him filling you up, and you can feel your eyes roll back in your head. You were both breathing heavily and dazed by the after math of your releases. He rolls off you and pulls you closer to him, "You're the best I've ever had." He comments, wrapping his strong arms tightly around you. 

You wrap your arms around him too and nuzzle into his neck affectionately, "Was it everything you hoped it would be?" He started shivering as you gently scratched his back. 

"And then some." He chuckled, as he gave you a kiss on your forehead. 

Neither of you wanted to let go of the other to put clothes back on, so you just stayed wrapped in each other's embraces and drift off to sleep together.


	31. Chapter 31: Repudiation

Your POV

(Dream) 

I was stuck in one spot, not allowed to move, "How long do I have to stay like this?" I moan at Katrina, "I've been standing here all day!" 

"You're so dramatic, you've been standing there for like 10 minutes at most," Kat laughed at my complaining, "You should be used to getting your portrait done." 

"Yeah, but if I didn't stay still I would have gotten at least 20 lashes." 

"Do you need me to threaten you in order for you to stay still?" 

"... Maybe." I giggle. 

Katrina sighed, "Come on, just continue looking out the window, the light is perfect." 

"Fine." I relent. At least I don't have to worry about David walking in and seeing me here. 

"Katrina!" I hear my mother yell as she opens the door to the room Kat and I are in, and slams it behind her. 

"Ah Elizabeth, you're here too!" My mother exclaimed when she saw me. Great, she thinks I'm Beth again. "That's (y/n), mom," Kat corrected her, "Beth is out, now please don't distract (y/n), I finally got her to stand still again." 

"I've had it up to here with your father!" She yelled at Kat, holding her hand up as high as she could reach, "He won't give me my father's death certificate!" 

"Why do you want that?" Kat took her eyes off her painting to give our mother a confused look, "And why would Dad have it?" 

"I just need it, Katrina! I know everyone will believe me, if you only see it! You'll understand!" 

Neither one of us knew what to do or say to her. What is she talking about? Though, I guess there is not much point putting too much weight in her words. Her mental state has been declining faster and faster. 

Mom stomps over to the window where I am trying to stand still for Kat, "Never get married, Beth. Only stupid people get married." 

"I'm (y/n), mom, and I'm already married." 

"Then you're stupid." 

"Love you too." I roll my eyes at her. 

She gives me a sad expression and grabs some strands of my hair, "I'm sorry, (y/n). None of this should have happened." 

"Mom, come sit down, you're in the way." Kat calls for her to sit in the chair behind her. 

Our mother pauses, still watching her fingers play with a few strands of my hair, "No one believes me." I hear her whisper to herself. 

I take my eyes off of her and look out the window again. When I look out I am relieved to see Mac is out there now. Perfect, if he comes up I can chat with him instead of just standing here doing nothing while Kat concentrates. 

But Mac isn't alone, he is walking with Peter. I guess that's not too strange, they do both work for the Survey Corps after all. Peter must be here for an appointment with my mother and ran into Mac on his way over. 

They pause outside before reaching the front doors of the estate. I watch them chat and am surprised to see that Mac looks like he is mentally struggling with something. I wish I could hear what they were saying. 

Peter hands MAC a note for him to read. After he skims over the document, he puts it in his pocket and nods at Peter. Strange, I wonder what that is about. 

"No! Don't let him in!" I'm startled out of my thoughts from my mother's cry, "My mind goes fuzzy when he comes! Don't let him!" 

"Mom, he's your doctor," I say calmly to my mother, she doesn't do this often. Sometimes if she has gone for a longer period of time without seeing Peter, she freaks out like this, "He only wants to help you, you'll be okay." 

She looks desperately back at me, "Believe me, (y/n)." 

I just nod my head in response because I know there is no point arguing with her. Sometimes she can't appreciate that Peter is only trying to help her. 

There was a knock on the door, and my mother's mood changed in an instant, "Oh! Who can that be? Katrina! Answer the door!" 

Kat glares at mom and puts down her paint brush to open the door, "Hello Malcolm! Where's Peter?" 

"He's waiting in the usual room," Mac answers her, "You'll have to bring her, Ben left for the evening." 

"What? But I'm trying to paint (y/n)'s portrait!" 

"Use you mother as a template and just use (h/c) paint instead of dark brown and grey." He offered. 

Kat groaned loudly, "Come on, mom, time to see Thompson." My mom gives me one last confused look before she follows Kat out of the room. 

"M'lady," Mac smiles at me and holds out his arm for me to grab, "Shall we head home?" 

I give him a smile and nod in response. On our way out of the Sanderson place, I finally ask the question that has been bothering me. 

"I saw you talking to Peter, what did he talk to you about?" 

"Hmmm? Oh, he just wanted to talk about the expedition tomorrow." Mac replied. 

"What about the expedition?" I ask quietly. Why do I sound like I'm suspicious of something? It's just weird to me that I'm questioning him about Peter and what he talked to him about. It's none of my business. 

"Nothing to worry about, (y/n)," He gives me a reassuring smile and pats me on the top of the head, "Everything is going to be fine." 

For the rest of the journey home we just chatted and joked, I didn't bring up his expedition again. I watched him closely whenever he spoke, memorizing all the details of his face and his expressions. His crooked smile, the way his brown eyes would shine when he talked about being outside the walls, the sound of his voice. 

I didn't know then this would be the last time I spoke to him like this. The following morning he didn't bother to wake me up, he just left me a note saying he loved me and that he would be back that night. But that evening I would get a knock at the door that would confirm my worst fears.... I never got to say goodbye to him. 

(End of dream) 

I wake up to the warmth of the sun shining through the window, and Erwin's body heat as I'm still wrapped in his arms. I can't help but smile at his sleeping face, so peaceful. I gently brush some of his blonde hair out of the way of his face. 

I just lay there and watch him sleep for a little bit, stop it (y/n), you're getting attached. I gently unwrap myself from his arms, being careful not to wake him up. He groaned a little bit, but otherwise stayed asleep. 

I put on the clothes I brought with me and head downstairs. I don't have any food here since I don't really stay here, maybe I'll pick up breakfast over at the little restaurant I used to go to a lot when I lived in the area before. I'll be sure to bring some back for Erwin too. 

I slip on some boots and head out of the house. It's a nice morning, the crisp air felt so nice. 

As I'm walking my mind goes to the dream I had last night. That must be another memory. I didn't know that I visited with my mother and Katrina a day before Mac died. 

But the part of that dream that I can't stop thinking about is the part involving Peter. After Peter and I ended our little 'relationship', he asked me about Mac like he never met him before. I didn't think that was weird at first, I'm sure there are a lot of scouts who have never met Peter. He's a busy doctor, he really only sees scouts that are injured or sick. 

So why would he lie about not knowing Malcolm? Or was that interaction in my memory the only time they spoke to one another? And what was that letter about? 

Then there is the part with my mother, I don't remember her ever being afraid of seeing Peter. But apparently sometimes she did.... 

It was weird though, when she was talking to me and expressing her concerns, when I looked into her eyes she seemed clear. Usually whenever I talk to her i only see confusion and uncertainty in her eyes. Results of a woman who's mind and body betray her on a daily basis. 

But in my new memory, she seems so clear for a moment. Just a moment though, before it went back to confusion and frustration. 

Also, why did she want to see my grandfather's death certificate? He died of the same disease she is dying of, what use did she have for such a thing. 

I finally arrive at the restaurant, "(Y/n)!" I hear a familiar voice say excitedly, "Welcome back! How are you sweetie?" 

It was the owner's wife, she's a sweet older woman in her 60s. I used to come here a lot when Mac and I were married. 

"Hi Mrs. Becker," I greet her with a smile, "I've been well thank you, how are you and Mr. Becker doing?" 

"Fine sweetheart, we're just fine! Can I get you your usual?" 

"You still remember?" I laugh. 

"Of course, hun! Have a seat!" 

"Two of those please." I tell her, thinking of Erwin. I'm sure he will be hungry when he wakes up. 

"Oh! Have you gotten into another relationship?" She asks, a wide smile spread across her face. 

"Um, no not exactly." I answer her uncomfortably. 

"Well, he must be at least a little important if you're buying him breakfast." She giggled. 

She disappears into the kitchen and leaves me to my thoughts. I mean, Erwin is definitely important to me, but where does our relationship go from here? 

I don't think either of us wants a relationship, there is just too much at stake for us to get even more involved with each other. I can't let myself fall in love again, if I did and then lost Erwin.... I just don't think I would be able to bounce back from something like that. Not again.

But I wouldn't mind sleeping with him again, that's for sure. I definitely don't regret last night, I had fun. Minus, of course, what happened at the end of Banning's party. It will probably be all over the paper tomorrow. 

Then there was that conversation with Kenny I had. That must be what triggered that memory to come back to me, Kenny planting seeds of doubt when it comes to my relationship with Peter. 

But Peter deserves the benefit of a doubt. He's done so much for me, and I can't jump to conclusions. So what if he didn't mention meeting Malcolm before? That doesn't prove he's been dishonest with me. 

I sit in silence for a few more minutes when Mrs. Becker comes back with my food. I smile my thanks at her, pay for the food and head out, "Come back again soon, (y/n)!" I hear her call after me. 

When I make it back to my place, I head upstairs to check on Erwin. I giggle when I see he is still fast asleep. Should I wake him up? I don't know if he has to be back at HQ by a certain time. 

I decide I should probably wake him up, knowing him he probably has some sort of meeting to go to.

"Erwin," I start to shake him gently, "You should probably get up, you have Commander things to do." 

He just mumbles in response and doesn't move. I try shaking him a little harder but he grabs me and pulls me down. I squeal in surprise as he pins me underneath him. 

He gives me a smile of satisfaction and starts kissing me. I forgot right away that I am supposed to be getting him back to HQ. But I can't help it, he has the ability to make me lose my train of thought right away. 

His tongue fights lazily with mine as he is still kind of sleepy. He starts kissing down my neck, sending sweet shivers throughout my body. I run my fingers through his soft messy morning hair, and let out little moans as he gets closer to my breasts. 

"Off." He demands, referring to my shirt. I lean up so he can pull it off. He yanks it off my body and as he throws it across the room, he finally looks at the clock on my bedside table. 

"Shit, I have a meeting in an hour." 

I start laughing, I knew he would have something going on, "Go shower, I brought you breakfast to have when you're done." 

"To be continued?" He asks me, giving my lips a quick peck. 

"Of course." 

Erwin hopped off of me and I pointed him in the direction of the shower. I go back downstairs and start putting stuff away in the kitchen that are still in boxes. 

I'm a little nervous on what's to come from my visit today. I wonder if Katrina is going to be there... Probably, but I'll just do my best to ignore her if she is there. I'm there to check in on my mother, not fight with my half sister. 

Erwin's POV 

Damnit, why did I have to have a meeting today? It would have been great if I had time to pound into (y/n) again. But I guess that will have to wait until later. 

I can remember every detail from last night. (Y/n)'s expressions, her beautiful body, how she can switch from being nervous and shy to a seductress in the blink of an eye.

Apart from the party taking a turn for the worse, last night was perfect. But now I guess we actually have to have a conversation about what is going on here. I don't think either of us is really up for a traditional relationship, it's just too difficult; I'm already too attached to her, especially now. 

But I'm sympathetic to her past, she was married to a scout before and that was ripped away from her. I don't want to cause her that type of pain. Maybe we can figure something out and have a more physical relationship. 

Whatever she decides I know I will be okay with it. She has me wrapped around her little finger, she could ask anything of me, and I would do my best to give it to her. Even if she decided she wanted a more emotional relationship, I know I would have my reservations, but I would say yes in a heartbeat. 

As I'm in the shower it finally dawns on me that the only soap available is (y/n)'s lavender soap. This may get very distracting, her scent is going to linger in the air, and that is going to make me think about her all day. 

After I shower I make my way downstairs. I'm greeted with an amazing site. (Y/n) is humming a tune to herself and dancing around the kitchen. It was definitely a pleasing site to see. I just lean against the threshold watching her for a little bit, she looked like she was having fun. 

"You're energetic this morning." I finally comment, startling her a little. 

She smiled at me once she saw me, "Breakfast is there, you better hurry." She pointed to a plate of food on the table. 

"Before I leave we should probably talk about last night." I say as I take a seat at the table. 

"Yeah, probably..." She said quietly, sitting down next to me. 

"I just want you to know," I start, "I don't want what happened last night to be a one-time thing. I believe I've made it pretty clear I enjoy your company. Am I right to assume the feeling is mutual?" 

Her face goes red and she nods her head shyly. I couldn't help but smile at her adorable reaction. 

"I've never had a physical relationship with anyone before, but traditional relationships very seldom work out in the scouts, as you know." I was trying to sound casual, but deep down I do want more. But I know she would never agree to that, not after what she went through with her late husband. I want her in my life, even if it is only in a physical sense, it's better than not having her at all. 

"Erwin," She interrupted my thoughts with her sweet voice, "You don't owe me anything. I don't expect you to forget your position and start something with me just because we slept together. I think both of us are reluctant to fall for the other, and that's understandable. We don't exactly have the luxury of making life plans with another person, especially given our positions where it is very likely one of us won't survive." 

She looks down at her hands pensively, she must be worried about her emotions. I know she feels something for me as I feel for her. As she mentioned it's very likely one of us will die, devastating the other. It's also possible one of us would make rash decisions out in the field if the other is in trouble. That would be a problem I would battle with more than her. 

(Y/n) has been through more heartache than people twice her age, and the last thing I want to do is to cause her more pain or distress. 

Yet I can't keep myself away from her, if we can't have a traditional relationship, I am more than fine with a physical one. However, I also don't want her to know how invested I truly am with her. I need to sound casual and nonchalant; if she knows how deeply I actually feel for her, she may call this whole thing off. 

"I won't always be available because of my position," I continue, "But I would never ask you to not see anyone else, if it helps you to not get too attached to me..." What am I even saying right now? Trying to sound too casual is really not working for me right now. But I already said it, I can't take it back. 

"Um okay," She responds, giving me a perplexed look, "Same goes for you, I suppose... That's only fair." 

My stomach dropped when I see her face, I could tell she wasn't expecting me to say that. Hell, I wasn't expecting myself to say that. I'm just trying not to scare her off, she spooks easy when it comes to relationships. She'll never have to worry about me having sex with anyone else, before she came along I didn't have any desire for such things. 

But with her, I'm not sure. I was just trying to make it seem like this wasn't a big deal, that there is no pressure. I like her far more than I should, and if I have to pretend I'm fine with only something physical, that is what I will do. After all, having things like this is better than not having anything with her at all. 

"(Y/n)," I sigh, reaching for her hand. 

"It's okay, Erwin," She gives me a small smile, "I get it, we should keep things fun and casual. Nothing too serious, life is too short, right?" 

"Anyway," She slides her hand out from underneath mine and stands up from the table to head back into the kitchen, "You better finish your breakfast or you're going to be even more late." 

That conversation didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to, but at the same time I guess it could have gone worse. I wish I could ask her what she is thinking, how she is feeling. But that will lead to more conversations and I really must go. This meeting is about a possible mission with more of the 104th cadets, as there is still suspicion surrounding that group. I need to be there for that meeting, if it weren't so important I would skip it to spend more time with her. 

As I finish my breakfast I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I was finally able to sleep with (y/n), but she also bought me breakfast... Definitely the woman of any man's dreams. 

I finish my breakfast quickly, eager to talk to her one more time before I go. 

She gives me a genuine smile when she sees me walking up to her, "Stop worrying," She laughs, trying her best to reach up to my forehead to flick it, "I'm okay, I promise, this can just be an easy casual thing. I'm not going anywhere." 

I lean down and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Good luck with seeing you mother, I'll see you later." 

"Yes yes, go on now, get!" 

I give her one final smile before I leave her alone, and quickly hop on my horse to head back to HQ.

Your POV 

Well, I wasn't really expecting that. I mean, of course I didn't expect him to just start a relationship with me... Honestly, I don't really know what I was expecting. It's fine this way, neither one of us will get too involved with the other, my heart is still pretty guarded. But I have to be like that, I can only handle so much heartache in one lifetime. 

Relationships are difficult and complicated, which is something I definitely don't want. I want things to be casual and fun. I do enjoy my time with Erwin, especially naked. But I refuse to get too attached to anyone. 

Anyway, it's time to mentally prepare myself for visiting my mother. I haven't seen her since our brief encounter at Peter's office in Stohess. Should I ask one of my siblings if she has had problems with her legs giving out? But if I ask them that they will get suspicious and ask me more unnecessary questions I don't have the answer to. 

I spend about an hour just walking around the house, trying to figure out what to say and what not to say. But my train of thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. 

Huh? Who the hell is that? I cautiously make my way toward my front door and open it slowly. 

"Honey badger!" I squeal when I see it's Levi standing there, "How the hell do you know where I live?" 

He 'tsked' at me and pushes past me, "Not important," He mumbled, "I was thinking you would want some company going into the capital." 

"You're just being nosy," I giggle, "You want to hear all about last night, huh?" 

"Are you ready to go, brat?" He asks me impatiently, "I don't have all day." 

"... Said the person who invited himself! I didn't ask for you to come with me, why are you here, Levi?" 

He didn't say anything, just moved back to the front door and held it open for me. He made it clear he wasn't going to answer me, and that he was not going to take no for an answer.

I roll my eyes at him and sigh, "Fine, but I'm driving." 

"Fine by me." 

I get the horse ready as Levi sits back lazily in the passenger's seat. Ordinarily I would be annoyed by anyone else behaving this way, but this is predictable Levi behaviour, which I honestly find pretty amusing. I know he cares for me, that's why he is here. He doesn't have to admit it, it's sweet.

We sit in comfortable silence as we make our way toward the capital, until it is interrupted by Levi, "So, how was the party?" 

"Ummm, interesting... I guess."

I can feel him glare at me, willing me to elaborate, "Well I didn't find anything too scandalous. I did find a book that peaked my interest. Oh, and a few people I used to work with were killed and I had to run away from more people from the underground." 

"I don't know how I feel about your definition of 'interesting'," Levi smirked at me, "What caused that?" 

"I don't really know," I answer honestly, "I don't know what possessed the person to oppose Banning, and by proxy Laurie, so publicly. I was just as confused as anyone else." 

I didn't want to give him too many details. I don't want him to worry for my safety, so I don't want to tell him about Kenny having some kind of plan for me. Why throw Kenny's name out there if I don't have to. I don't even know the man's last name or if Kenny is even his real first name and not an alias. 

Levi asked me how my performance went and I told him it went well. It was nice performing again, I didn't realize how much I missed expressing myself when I sing. It was a nice feeling and I'm glad I got to share that with Erwin too. It's too bad Levi wasn't there to see it.

I made sure not to talk about Erwin, I really don't know if Erwin wants to keep our 'relations' a secret or not. So it's just easier if I don't mention it. 

Levi listens quietly to me as I talk about the party. I also told him about the book I swiped from Banning's office and the theories I explained to Erwin.

Before long we reach the gate leading into the capital. Then it is only another 10 minutes before we reach the Sanderson residence. 

I wave off the man at the gate when he offers to drive the carriage to the stable, "Maybe I didn't want to walk all the way to the house from the stables, (l/n)." Levi comments as I continue driving toward the stable. 

Levi gives me a satisfied smirk when I shoot him a glare and almost push him off the carriage. As we pull up in front of the stable, I see another carriage that makes my blood go cold. 

I recognize the over the top fancy exterior of this particular carriage as belonging to Laurie. I take a closer look and breathe easier once again when I see Celeste is standing out in front of it with my brother. 

"Celeste?" I get her attention after tying the horse and carriage up, "What are you doing here?" 

She turned to me and I could see that she looked pretty terrified. She must have heard about what happened at Banning's party. 

"(Y/n)!" Celeste cries out when she sees me, "You're okay!"

She ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me, "Yeah, of course," I laugh uncomfortably when I see Ben narrow his eyes at me. 

"Tell me you weren't at that party, (y/n)." Ben growls at me. 

"Okay, I wasn't at the party, Benjamin." I shrug.

"What were you thinking?!"

"There is something going on with Banning and Laurie, I want to know what it is." 

"... This is the first time in my life I have ever wanted to slap you." Ben groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "There were people from the underground there." 

"Yeah I know, they chased me around in Stohess for awhile too several days ago." I smirk. 

I've never seen Ben look so mad, so I quickly hide behind Levi and push him forward a bit, "Were you there, Celeste?" I shift my attention to her instead. 

"Don't change the subject!" Ben yelled angrily. 

"Yes, someone paid for me to be a date," She answered me, playing with a few strands of my hair, "You sang beautifully by the way, I haven't heard you sing like that in so long." 

"Why didn't you come up and say hi?" 

"I didn't want to interrupt," She giggled, letting go of my hair, "Who was the blonde man? You seemed to be having fun with him." 

My face goes red, "You're mistaken, I resent you suggesting that I looked like I was having fun with Conrad." 

"You never change do you?" She sighed, "You know that's not who I am referring to." 

I can feel Levi's eyes on me. Now what do I do? Ah! I know! Avoid this conversation all together!" 

"Anyways, I'm here to see mom as you know, Ben, so I will see you in there!" I say to Ben, "Bye Celeste!" I quickly start making my way toward the house.

I can hear Ben yell after me, but I ignore him and continue on, Levi following closely behind. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of my head. He has to know Celeste was referring to Erwin. Why does he care?... For that matter, why do I care if he knows? 

We reach the huge doors that lead into the Sanderson main house. I'm surprised to see that there seems to be no one around. Usually there are people everywhere: servants, nobles, employees and business partners wandering around and chatting. But it is eerily quiet. Does it have something to do with last night? 

David and Laurie are close, so whatever is effecting Laurie has to be effecting him too. I decided to wander around a little bit before seeing my mother, since there aren't any people around to be suspicious of me. Or maybe I'm just avoiding the inevitable when it comes to my mother.... Why not both? 

"So," Levi broke the silence, "Who was the blonde man you were having fun with?" 

"Um, Commander Erwin," I admit, no point in lying to him, he'll know, "We hung out a bit." 

Good thing my hair is down and covering the hickeys, I don't know how Levi would respond to that. 

"(Y/n)!" I look up a set of stairs to see a Beth call to me. I smile brightly when I see her, short dark brown hair tucked neatly behind her ears, grey eyes shining. 

"Beth!" I meet her down the stairs and she picks me up to swing me around.

"Thank you for coming, mom will love this!" She paused when she saw Levi with me, "What is he doing here?" 

"He's my new master, he just wants to make sure people are paying the right amount for my time, so..." I playfully hold out my hand for her.

"Oh you're such a delight, how I miss your humour so." Beth giggles, "I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go for a meeting." 

"No problem, where is everyone?" 

"I don't know, I heard something went down at a party in Orvud District," Beth shrugged, "Most of the employees are with my father." 

I didn't want her to react the same way Ben did, so I didn't mention I was at that party, "Alright, don't let me keep you, I'll see you later." 

She kisses my cheek and waves politely at Levi on her way out. I was going to start heading up the stairs to where I know my mother will be, but I can't make my feet move. I'm just nervous to see her, I never know how she is going to be or what she is going to say. 

"Want to walk around for a bit first?" Levi asks me, noticing my hesitation. 

"Yes." I sigh with relief and start heading away from the stairs. 

"What does your mother's husband do?" Levi puzzled as we walked around the vast system of corridors. 

"David? I don't really know. I mean, he is close with Laurie... So it's probably something shady." 

We walk past a room with double doors that are wide open. That's odd, when I've been here in the past this room has always been closed. Curiosity getting the better of me, I decide to go on in. 

"Oh!" I gasp as I look around the large room. There were portraits everywhere. Mostly of my sisters, brother and mother, but I was surprised to see a couple of me as well. One of them was a portrait of me standing by a window. This must be a bunch of Katrina's paintings. 

I look to the centre of the room and see a piano. It looks just like the one my mother taught me on during our lives in the underground. My fingers brush over the keys gently, reminiscing a bit. 

"It isn't fair." Levi commented, watching me stand at the piano. 

"Hmmm?"

"Erwin got to see you play and I didn't." 

I smile at him, "What do you want to hear?" 

"No," He scolded me, "I remember you telling me you can figure out what to play on the spot. I want that." 

"Okay, but you better be grateful for this, I've never played for just one person before. Apart from my mother of course." 

I sit myself down at the bench, I knew before I even sat down what song I wanted to perform for him. (Your choice of song, piano version) came to my mind right away, and my fingers begin to more effortlessly over the keys. 

I could feel Levi's intense gaze on me as I play. It makes me feel a little flustered to be honest. It's a good thing I know this song really well, otherwise I may have forgotten a verse. 

Eventually though I forget Levi is even there and just focus on the music. How it makes me feel, what memories it brings back and the way the keys feel on my fingers. I wish I could play more, but I don't think they have a piano back on base. 

Levi sits down next to me on the bench and watches my fingers glide expertly around the keys. I wonder what he's thinking. He doesn't look annoyed, which is weird because annoyed is just his normal look. 

He looks.... Dare I say, relaxed? I smile as I sing the rest of the song. When I finish I stare at him, waiting for him to tell me that I 'wasn't terrible', or that 'his ears weren't bleeding'. But I was shocked by the response I received from him. 

"Beautiful," He mumbled under his breath, "Thank you." 

I'm so shocked I start pulling at his cheeks, "This is a very convincing mask, but you can't fool me! Where is the real Levi?" 

"Stop it," He grabbed onto my wrists and pulled my hands away from his face, "I'm capable of giving compliments when I really feel they are warranted." 

I can feel my face grow hotter and hotter as Levi continues to start at me. My heartbeat starts going faster and I can no longer look him in the eye. 

I feel his cold hands under my chin as he tilts my head up so I am facing him again, "You're frustrating." He says quietly. 

"... Sorry." 

He doesn't respond, just continues to pull my face closer to his. Oh man, is he going to kiss me? I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to that. 

I can feel his warm breath on my face when we hear footsteps running down the hallway. We pull away from each other just as Ben walks in. 

"You didn't think you could just walk away from the conversation and it would be over, did you?" He asks as he stomps over towards me. 

"Come on, Ben," I roll my eyes, "I'm not lecturing you about dating my best friend, just leave it alone. I went to the party, there is nothing you can do to change that. Can't you just be happy to see me like usual." 

I understand that he is frustrated with me, but we don't get to see each other that often. I just hope he can lecture me about it some other time.

He seemed to wrestle with himself, trying to decide whether to continue or leave it. Thankfully, it seems like he is deciding to leave it. 

"Fine," He sighs, "Come on, let's head up and see Mom." 

"So, how are things with Celeste?" I ask him, raising one of my eyebrows suggestively at him. 

"Things are new," He chuckles, "But I enjoy her company, I'm kind of surprised you're so okay with it. I freaked out on both you and Mac when you 2 got married." 

"Celeste deserves someone good," I shrug, "She's an amazing person, and I know you will treat her right." 

Levi followed silently behind us as Ben and I chatted the entire way to my mother's room. I'm surprised he hasn't wandered off by himself, he usually hates listening to people make small talk. But he does seem to kind of be in his own little world, I wonder what he is thinking about. 

Ben knocks on mom's door before we enter, "Mom, I brought a surprise for you." 

He opens the door slowly and I realize she is in the room from the memory in my dream last night. She is even sitting by the window I was standing at. 

"(Y/n)!" Mom holds her arms out to me, "My beautiful girl! How are you?! How's Malcolm? Did you bring him too?"

I was surprised that she didn't stand up to give me a hug, usually she does. I look behind me at Ben as I lean down and hug my mother while she is sitting in her chair. 

"Her legs have gotten worse," Ben says to me, "It's not safe for her to be up and walking around." 

My eyes widen in surprise, this must have started happening recently. Neither of my siblings or Peter mentioned it when I saw her last. What does this mean for me? It's hard for me to keep denying the possibility that I have been showing the early symptoms of my mother's illness, especially now that I have experienced something so recent. What is happening to me? 

I'm shaken out of my thoughts when I feel my mother's cold hands cup my cheeks gently, "(Y/n), you look pale, love. Tell me what's wrong." 

"Nothing mom," I smile at her, "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm fine love," She pats the top of my head, "Tell your father he doesn't have to keep bothering Dr. Thompson, I'm doing fine." 

"Mom, David isn't my father." 

"Beth, you and your father need to make up! Just because your father and I fight doesn't mean you have to fight with him too." 

I'm trying not to get frustrated. I understand she gets confused easily, I'm just not used to dealing with her like this. Maybe if I talk to her like we did in the underground, it will stop her confusing me with Beth.

"Mom, I've been practicing piano," I smile at her, pulling up a chair so I can sit right across from her, "I've been getting really good." 

"That's great, (y/n)!" She gushed, her face lighting up when I mentioned playing the piano, "Soon you won't even have to read the music, you'll know it by heart like it plays in your soul." 

"You should play for her, (y/n)," Ben speaks up, "None of us play any instruments. There is another piano in the other room, mom used to play it often before her tremors became too frequent." 

"Oh yes!" Mom says excitedly, "Show me how much you've learned!" 

Ben helps my mother out of her chair by the window and helps her onto a wheel chair. My mom smiles at Levi when she sees him, but then frowns at me, "(Y/n)," She scolds me, "You're married, you shouldn't be hanging around with handsome men." 

"Interesting advice coming from you." I smirk at her, considering she ran off with my father while still being married to David. 

She starts laughing, "You are so much like Seth, especially that smirk." 

"That's not very nice mom, take it back." 

"He can be a little hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, he just wants to keep you safe." 

"Sure mom." 

We make it to the next room and I head over to the piano. What should I play for her? Maybe something she taught me herself when we lived together. 

I pause to think of the right song and decide on the very first one she taught me. There was no singing or anything, just the beautiful sound of the keys. 

My mom smiles as my fingers gently manipulate the keys to produce the most lovely of melodies. I smile to myself knowing how much she loves this song. 

But something strange happens as I focus on the notes. I close my eyes and let my fingers work from memory. 

(Flashback) 

There was knocking at the front door as I was practicing on the piano, "Momma! There's someone at the door!" She was in the kitchen humming to herself as usual. 

When I don't hear a response from her I sigh and hop off the piano bench. I close the short distance to the door and open it slowly. 

There was a clean cut man standing on the door step. He was handsome, he had short blonde hair, dark brown eyes and thick glasses. "Hello sweetie," He says with a smile, kneeling down so he could be closer to my level, "Is your mother home? I need to speak with her." 

"Yes sir," I say politely, "Momma! There's someone at the door to see you!" 

My mom doesn't seem to hear me, just continues washing dishes in the kitchen. 

"Laney," The man says from behind me, "There you are." 

Once my mom heard the man's voice her head jerked up in our direction. Once she sees the man she drops the dish she was washing and it shatters on the floor. 

"You didn't think we wouldn't find you again, did you?" The man says as he steps through the door and into the house. 

"(Y/n), go outside and play." My mom said calmly, even though I saw from her face that she looked terrified.

"But momma, I still have to practice!" I protest stubbornly, stomping my foot on the ground. 

"Outside, now!" 

I finally obey and head outside. 

(End of flashback) 

I didn't realize that I had stopped playing the piano until my mother holds onto my hand, "Go outside and play, (y/n)." I hear her whisper. She seemed very deep in thought, could the song I was playing trigger that memory for her too? 

I recognize the man from that memory, it was a younger version of Dr. Banning, "Mom," I bring her attention back to me, "Do you know who Dr. Banning is?"

I see a flash of recognition cross her face, her lips pursed in a thin line as she tries desperately to remember, "He gave me something, and he took everything away." 

I stare at her, hoping desperately she would remember something else. Another thought crosses my mind as I think of the memory in the dream I had last night. 

"Mom," She raises her eyes to meet mine again, "How did grandfather die?" 

I see anger in her eyes as the wheels turn in her head, "He was murdered." 

"That's not true, mom," Ben gives her an exasperated sigh, as if he has heard this declaration many times before, "He died of the same thing that you have." 

"That's a lie!" She yelled furiously, mood changing so fast, "It's a lie! It's a lie! It's a lie!" 

"Mom," I try to calm her down, "Peter has explained this to you and to all of us. I'm sorry, I wish things were different-"

"Not you too, (y/n)," She interrupted me, "You know the truth! Don't listen to them!" 

"I think you should give her a break," Ben cuts in, "She's getting agitated, it will be more frustrating to talk to her like this." 

My mother turns her attention back to the piano. She starts running her fingers over the keys, fingers trembling uncontrollably. 

"I'll be right back, okay mom?" I say to her as I stand up from the bench. If she heard me she doesn't show it, just keeps her attention on the piano and her hands. 

Ben, Levi and I leave the room to let my mother have some time to calm down. We head into the room next door, the room she was in originally. 

"That question kind of came out of nowhere," Ben commented, "Where did that come from?" 

Before I answer another person walked into the room, it was a man. He looks like an employee here, "Mr. Sanderson, Celeste is here again." 

Ben gives me one more look and leaves the room. My mind was racing, I didn't know what to do. I feel like I'm forgetting something profound. Like there is something right in front of my face and I can't see it. 

"What do you want to do?" Levi asked me, low voice pulling me back into reality. 

"I want to take a look in his office." He seemed to know I was probably referring to David's office. 

"Do you want me to help?" 

"Stay here, just tell Ben I went to the washroom or something. I expect he'll be busy with Celeste for a little bit. But I will try and be quick." 

He nods slightly at me, "Be careful." 

Before I leave I decide to be a little daring. I lean up and give him a quick kiss on his cheek, "Thank you." 

My face goes red and I dart out of the room before he can respond. I dash quickly down the hallway in the direction I know David's office is. I don't know why I know where it is, maybe I have been there before and don't remember... I guess I can add that to the long list of things I can't remember. 

I'm surprised to see the door is slightly ajar, he must have left in a hurry. I look around the large office, everything seems to be in place. 

I don't even know what I'm looking for honestly, what am I looking to gain from this? My mother seems very interested in my grandfather's death and the way he died. But why? Peter was pretty clear with us on how he died. Pneumonia brought on by the severity of this disease. Even though Peter wasn't there, he knew the doctor that treated him. 

It's tough trying to navigate quickly through his desk and bookshelves, not a lot is labelled. My attention is grabbed by a locked filing cabinet beside the window. I try pulling on it just to double check to see if it was indeed locked. It was..

"Damnit." I mutter, logic would dictate the only thing worth reading is in here. 

"(Y/n)?" I almost jump out of my skin when I hear a female voice say my name. 

I turn around to where the door is and my stomach drops when I see Katrina standing there. Her dark brown hair was pulled up in her usual tight bun. She pushed her glasses further up onto her nose as her face freezes in a shocked expression. 

I didn't say anything, what could I say? Nothing I say in this situation is going to help. She walks into the room slowly, grey eyes not leaving my (e/c) ones. 

Her eyes leave mine as she notices where I was standing and what I was trying to do. I look down at the floor, not knowing what to do or say. Katrina looked like she was going to cry, overwhelmed by many emotions I imagine. I feel just as emotional, I feel anger because of my recent history with Katrina, scared that I was caught snooping in her father's office, and to my surprise, a tiny bit of me is a little happy to see she looks well. 

"You look well, (y/n)," She says, a small smile starting to form on her face, "So beautiful and healthy." 

I lean on the cabinet as I feel my legs buckle underneath me. Damnit! Of course this would happen now of all times. Katrina rushes forward to help me, but she stops when I give her my most intimidating glare, "Don't touch me." I growl at her. 

Katrina backs off a little and gives me my space, "How long?" She asks me, eyes travelling from my face to my defective legs. 

"Not long." I mumble to her quietly. 

I can hear her sniffle as she starts to cry. I can't deal with her right now, I'll just wait for my legs to cooperate again and leave. 

Katrina shifts her weight around nervously as she bites her lip. She seems like she is trying to decide what to do next. She seemed to make a decision about something, and reached into her pocket and pulled a rolled up document. 

She made her way closer to the cabinet I was leaning on again. She holds up her hands when I tense up at her close proximity. She puts the document face down on top of the cabinet and stepped away from it. 

"What is this?" I demand, shooting her a suspicious glare. 

"Something I've been trying hard to get," Katrina says quietly, "Something Dr. Thompson has been denying for a while." 

I grab the document she gave me and flipped it over, it was a death certificate. 'Leopold Klein,' Klein is my mother's maiden name. It has to be my grandfather's death certificate. I look down to the manner of death, expecting to see 'natural causes' or maybe some abstract name in reference to this disease that supposedly runs in my family... Wait, why did the word 'supposedly' come to mind? Now that I think about it, Peter has never actually mentioned a name associated with this disease. 

Whatever, I skip down the document to manner of death and I'm shocked to see 'Murder' written there. 

Mom was right... Our grandfather was murdered, and he was around the same age as my mother is now. 

"It was a robbery," Katrina said suddenly, "It was completely random. They found the man and he was arrested, but grandfather died at a clinic of multiple stab wounds." 

"Where did you get this?" I demand.

"I had to travel around to all hospitals and clinics," She explained, "I had to find out which hospital he was being treated at. I finally found out he was brought to a small clinic in Stohess, where he died of his injuries. They had his official death certificate still on file." 

"Why should I believe anything you have to say to me?" I glare at her, "You used to publish lies all the time." 

"Yes," She admitted, "I can't tell you why you should believe me, because I know you're not going to trust anything coming from me. It's fine if you don't believe me, take it to the clinic in Stohess, they will confirm it with you. But show that to Dr. Thompson too and ask him about it. You're smart, the smartest person I know, you know a lie when you hear it. Even if you have blinded yourself to it recently, don't let them lie to you anymore." 

As I look up at her I see she still has tears running down her face. She seems to be under some sort of emotional stress. But as I look at her, all I see is a liar that ruined our relationship. 

"I know you hate me, (y/n)," She continues, "But there is something going on here. It involves Peter, Harvey, Lawrence, my father and many more. I'm trying to gather more evidence, but it's dangerous so I don't have much at the moment. Please don't get too involved though, (y/n), I'll find a way to save you from this." 

What does she know? Did she find something out from Conrad? Or maybe even Laurie? No, she has to be lying. She lied about me to every resident within Wall Sina, I can't trust her... and yet, I can't get my mind off of what she is saying. 

Some part of me believes what she is saying, some part of my subconscious mind knows she is telling the truth. There is only one thing I can think of doing now. I need to talk to Peter. I need him to explain himself, I need him to reassure me, tell me things aren't what they appear to be. That he hasn't been lying to me, that he has always had my best interests and my mother's as his priority. 

"I'll spend time with mom," Katrina said as she headed for the door, "Go talk to Dr. Thompson, I hope I'm wrong about him, I really do." 

She smiles sadly at me and leaves the room. I'm still frozen in place, unsure of what to do. I'm having a pretty intense battle with myself. Part of me is furious that I am listening to Katrina, but another part of me is screaming that she is telling the truth. 

There is only one person I trust to give me the truth, and that is Peter. But I'm also scared to know, because deep down I know this document is real. And there is a real chance Peter has been deceiving me. But there is also a chance that he could explain himself, maybe he will be just as confused as I am about this. 

My legs finally allow me to stand up straight, and I head out of the room. I see Levi come down the hallway toward me, "Hey, your favourite sister told me I should come get you." He said sarcastically. 

"We have to go," I grab onto his arm, "I need to talk to Peter." 

"Thompson? Why?" He asks as he allows me to pull him along. 

"I can't explain, not yet, not until I have the full story." 

He left me to my thoughts as we speed across the grounds, heading toward the stables. I see Ben and Celeste briefly as we pass, but I'm on a mission and don't have time to stop and say goodbye to them.

Levi offers to drive to which I graciously accept. I clutch the death certificate in my hands as my mind races with different theories as to what could be going on. 

After awhile we finally approach the stables of the Survey Corps. I didn't notice that my hair was mostly blowing to one side of my head, showing the purple marks left by Erwin last night. 

"What are those?" Levi asked me through gritted teeth. 

My cheeks flush, "Hickeys." 

"From?" 

"Does it really matter, Levi? I'm a single woman, I can do what I want." I'm getting a bit defensive, he has no right to be angry with me. 

"You're right," Levi mutters, turning away from me, "Sorry." 

"Levi," I sigh, grabbing onto his arm, "I'm not complicated, if you want me, tell me." 

I don't wait for him to respond, I just turn on my heels and quickly make my way toward HQ. What was I saying to Levi just now? Did I just give him permission to tell me he wanted me? I mean I'm not blind, I know he has some sort of feelings toward me. And I would lying if I said I didn't feel something for him too. 

This is getting too complicated. I don't like that I am getting so attached to Erwin and Levi. The more I try to sound like I don't really care and I'm just going with the flow, the more disingenuous it sounds to me. 

I don't have time to think about that right now, I need to get myself together to talk to Peter. It's around dinner time, so the hallways are pretty clear, no one around to stop me and have a chat thankfully. 

I reach Peter's closed office door. I take a few deep breathes getting myself ready for this conversation. No matter what I'm coming out with answers, whether I want to hear them or not. 

I knock on his door and wait to hear his voice, "Yes?" I hear his response. 

"It's (y/n)," I answer, trying to sound casual, "I just thought I would stop by, thought you would want to know how the party went." 

I hear him chuckle and invite me in. I take a deep breath to steady myself, and let myself into his office.


	32. Chapter 32: Point of No Return

Your POV 

“Ah! There she is!” Peter greeted me with a grin as he watched me walk through the door, “I’ve been waiting to hear how things went.” He got up from his desk and pulled me into a hug. 

“You’re in a good mood today.” I comment nervously as I return his hug. 

“I’m just happy to see you! So, how was your night, huh? Tell me all about it.” He sits back down in his chair behind his desk and waits for me to answer. 

I sit across the desk from him, trying to think about how to approach this. Should I try to catch him in a lie? If I show him the document I have, will he claim Leopold is the name of an uncle or great uncle? He never mentioned my grandfather’s name before, at least not to my recollection. But at the same time my memory isn’t exactly always reliable. 

I’m taking too long, he is going to get suspicious, “It went well for the most part,” I smile at him, “There were a few issues, but I would say, for the most part, things went fairly well.” 

“Yes, I did hear about some ‘problem’, at the event last night,” He laughed, “Guess Banning finally got the rug pulled out from under him, huh?” 

This isn’t like him. Why does he seem happy about what happened at the party? I get that he doesn’t like Banning, but innocent people were killed. To say I was a little surprised by his reaction would be a gross oversimplification. 

Has this side always been here and I have just never noticed it? Either way, I can’t have him feeling suspicious by my quiet behaviour. Play your roll, (y/n), find the truth. 

I let out a little laugh, “Yes well I suppose you were right about Banning, I would have never guessed he was up to anything shady. But I guess he is associated with Laurie so....” 

“Ah, don’t blame yourself, (y/n),” He smiled widely at me, “How could you have known for sure? This is good though, he will have a lot of uncomfortable questions to answer. The best part is he will be associated with something negative, and people won’t follow him blindly anymore.” 

Peter definitely seems to be more happy that Banning is in trouble than he is sad that people were killed as a result. I feel like I’m going to throw up, but I have to keep myself composed. 

“Well at least I got to perform one song before everything went to shit,” I say with a smile, trying to match his enthusiasm, “I have to admit, it was nice being up on stage again.” 

“Right you are, I’m proud of you for performing again, showing all those rich bastards you can bounce back from anything.” 

His kind words make my chest feel tight. But I can’t let it affect me, I need to learn the truth, whether I want to hear it or not. 

“Of course a lot of people recognized me,” I continue, “But there was one man who introduced himself to me that I don’t remember ever meeting. I can’t quite remember his name... Oh well, anyway apparently he knew my grandfather.” 

I study him casually for a moment, trying to get a read on if he responds at all to me mentioning my maternal grandfather. It was subtle, but there was a flash of uncertainty in his eyes. I wouldn’t have noticed it if I were not looking so intently for a reaction. 

“Ugh, it’s going to drive me insane now, I can’t quite remember it, Leonard, Lewis or something along those lines,” I groan, pretending to strain to remember his name. 

“Leopold,” Peter chuckle, “But you were close.” 

“Yes! Leopold, that’s it! Weird huh? He recognized me since I resemble my mother so much.” Okay, I’m able to confirm he knows my grandfather as ‘Leopold’. Now he can’t use a ‘wrong name’ excuse when he sees the death certificate. The only problem would be him claiming the document is forged. 

“So, I know you did some snooping. Did you find anything interesting?” He asked me, leaning back in his chair a little bit, studying me carefully. 

The way he was studying me made me feel a little uncomfortable. No, more like he is analyzing me. I have to plan out my next attack, I can’t tell him Katrina gave me the death certificate. He could use that to convince me Katrina is lying. And, in fairness, that could still be true, I haven’t ruled out that possibility completely. 

I should say I found it in Banning’s office, if he seems to be genuinely shocked, then Katrina is wrong about Peter. If he is hesitant, aloof or at all deceptive I’m confidant I’ll know, and I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 

If I feel he is trying to conceal something I can try and convince him I know more than what I do.... But would he fall for that? I guess it depends on how well he knows Banning and just how much information he actually has hidden. 

“I don’t know yet, I was able to find out a few things while I was looking around his office. There were a few ‘curious’ things I found.” I try to sound as confident as I can, but would he believe that Banning would leave something important in a place where it could be discovered? 

I scan Peter’s body language as I speak. I can see his jaw clench a little and he is absentmindedly pulling at his fingers a bit. I’ve been around him long enough to know that is a sign he is nervous. It’s now or never, he is vulnerable. 

“I found this in his office.” I say as I hand him the rolled up death certificate. 

Peter picks the paper off his desk and unrolls it. I continue to study him carefully as he reads it. It doesn’t take this long to read, he should already have some kind of reaction by now if he didn’t know this existed. Is he making a conscious effort to control his emotions? 

“How do you know this isn’t forged?” Peter asks, looking at me cooly. 

He’s not showing any kind of signs that he is surprised... If my grandfather died of this disease shouldn’t he be really surprised? He should be showing some kind of emotion, anything! 

“Why would Banning have a fake death certificate for my grandfather in his office?” I challenge him. 

Peter doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare at me with an unreadable expression. What is he doing? It’s like he is not even trying to seem innocent. He could at least try to mislead me, what is going on? 

“I suppose it has to be fake, right?” I continue, “Because he died of the illness my mother has, right? He wasn’t robbed and murdered, that’s a lie, right?” 

He is still not saying anything. I didn’t plan for this, I thought he would at least try and fight. He knows more, I know he does, his reaction to this whole conversation is a dead giveaway. Does he want me to find out? That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Why not just tell me the truth before this? 

“Peter, tell me the truth about my mother and my grandfather. I want to hear it from you. If you try and lie to me again, I’ll take the information I do have and give it to Erwin. But if you tell me the truth, I won’t say anything.” I have to make it seem like I actually have evidence on him, if I don’t he’ll be able to talk his way out of it. This way, he has no way of knowing what type of information I do have and do not have. 

He looks down at his hands and remains silent. I’m sure he is trying to figure out what I could possibly know; figuring out what he should say and avoid saying. 

“Peter, is this document fake?” I press him, growing impatient. 

He looks up at me again, sad hazel eyes looking into my determined (e/c) ones, “This isn’t fair, you know I can’t lie to you when you ask me out right. No, it’s not fake.” He sighs. 

“My mother doesn’t have an illness, does she?” I surprised myself with that question; where did that come from? Just because he lied about my grandfather, doesn’t necessarily mean he is lying about my mother... Right? Otherwise why would I be experiencing her symptoms? 

“No.” 

“What’s wrong with her?” My heart feels like it’s about to burst, what else has he been lying to me about? Or have I always known the truth? Is it stuck with my other memories, and Peter just wanted to protect me from it after they were gone? 

Peter paused for longer this time before answering, “Her body and mind are being destroyed by side effects.” 

“Side effects from what?” 

Peter bites at his lower lip, no longer looking me in the eyes anymore. I feel like I should feel more surprised, but I don’t. Is it because I have known the answer for a long time, but I have just not been able to remember or I have just been denying it...? 

“She knew too much... We..” He whispers to himself. 

“Just explain it to me, Peter.” I can feel myself wanting to back out of this conversation, like I don’t really want to know the truth, because there is no coming back from this, “Maybe I’m wrong, I’m wrong right? Just tell me you’re not involved.” I was starting to sound desperate. But I don’t have a large group of people I trust, and up until this point Peter has been at the top of that list. 

As I look at him I can tell he wants nothing more than to reassure me, tell me everything is okay. But he can’t, we’re at the point of no return. I’m popping my ignorance bubble, everything is going to change, I can feel it. 

“When I was a teenager, Dr. Banning insisted on mentoring me. He thought I showed a lot of promise. One day he decided he trusted me enough to show me a special project he had been working on.” 

Peter stood up and started pacing around his office as he continued, “He brought me to the dungeons of Lawrence’s main residence, and that’s where I met your mother.” 

My hands clench into fists and I can see my knuckles turning white. 

“Laney somehow got access to highly classified information. It was Banning’s job to make her forget it. They felt, given the circumstances, it was a good excuse to test their formula they had been working on.” Peter pauses to look at me, trying to read my body language and figure out what I am thinking. 

“What did she know?” I asked quietly. 

“That I do not know,” He answered before continuing,” Banning had been working on his own formula. I don’t know what template he was working off of, or who gave it to him. But he was able to provide a basic foundation for certain experiments involving titan spinal fluid.” 

My eyes narrow at him, what the hell is he even saying? Titan spinal fluid? How? Why? 

“I worked with him on trying to come up with a combination that would aid him in a number of things, one of the things he was studying was a more specific therapy for erasing memories. So he was trying to perfect a combination that would work on your mother. Titan spinal fluid has many mysterious properties, some good, some bad, and some really bad. The plan was to pinpoint certain memories involving the information she had learned. We had to experiment with different catalysts and different types of spinal fluid. We had created something to target her amygdala, but also something that wouldn’t completely destroy it.” 

“Who did you experiment on before my mother? There is no way you got it on the first try.” I interrupt him.

“(Y/n), you don’t want me to go into that. You want the rest of the truth from me, and I am willing to give that to you. But I won’t burden you with all the gruesome details,” Peter stops pacing and sits back down behind his desk, “Point is when we felt we had a combination that worked, we gave the final product to your mother. Her husband, David, is an important benefactor and didn’t want his wife to be killed. So he gave us permission to do what we could. He didn’t want his children to know about what was really going on with their mother. So we told them and you that it was a genetic disease. To make it easier for all of you to believe it we told you that your grandfather had it to. We destroyed any documents that contradicted that... Well I thought we did, apparently Banning was stupid enough to keep some evidence. As for the formula itself, the combination worked for the most part, and we were able to erase certain memories.” 

“But it doesn’t just affect her memories,” I whisper, “She has other problems.”

“Yes,” Peter nodded, “All experimentation comes at a cost. The treatment affected and continues to affect her brain in other ways too.” 

“Were those side effects the tremors and other somatic nervous issues?” I ask quietly, unable to look at him anymore. 

“Yes, the mood swings as well. Laney was able to escape though, and she ran into the underground with your father. Then she had you, and eventually we were able to track her down. We steadily gave her more and more doses to ensure her silence. I see her on a periodic basis to monitor her behaviour, and to make sure she doesn’t remember what we erased. I do my best to help with the after effects of her treatment the best I can. But despite my best efforts, she is continuing to decline faster.”

“My mother has started having more severe issues with her legs,” I comment, “For how long have her legs been giving out?” 

Peter’s eyes widen, surprised that I knew about that since it has been a more recent event for my mother, “Within the last week it has gotten more frequent.” 

“Did the experiments you did on her damage her DNA?” I feel sick, like I already know the answer to that question. 

“... Yes.” 

“My body is suffering the same effects as my mother,” I finally look up t glare at him, “You knew this would happen.” 

“We anticipated that it may happen. We kept an eye on you when we found out Laney had another child. I thought maybe you would be okay, but when you were 11, Banning noticed on one of his visits that you looked like you were having tremors.” 

“Why don’t I remember?” 

“We didn’t tamper with your memory of that event, if that is what you’re implying.” 

“Because that would be unethical, right?” I snarl at him. 

“We just modified it a little.” 

“Elaborate.” 

“When you were sold to Lawrence he was well aware that the side effects from the experiments on your mother were inherited by you. He took an immediate liking to you, so he asked us if there was a way we could prolong your life.” 

“Prolong my life? But I wasn’t dying.” I ponder, giving him a confused look. 

“Since you were affected by the side effects young, they were more frequent and severe. So you were dying faster than your mother.” 

“What did you do?” 

“We developed a new formula with different types of titan spinal fluid, and another catalyst to prevent you from actually turning into a titan-“

“Wait,” I interrupt him, “You can turn people into titans?” How is that even possible? I mean Eren and this Annie girl can turn into titans I guess... 

“Not intelligent titans like Eren,” He seems to read my thoughts, “Regular mindless titans.” 

Again, I feel like I should be more shocked by this revelation, but I feel like I have read about it somewhere before. It has to be in one of those private libraries I was in, maybe one of the ones I’ve seen in my memories from my dreams. 

“Anyway, when we injected you the effects were instantaneous,” Peter said, pulling me out of my thoughts, “You became stronger, no more tremors or mood swings, you were faster and far more resilient. It’s the reason why you can survive what seem to be impossible circumstances, and why you can heal faster than others. You and your mother were our first success stories out of those particular experiments.” 

“How many people died for me to live?” I ask him quietly, “How many people suffered while you figured out a combination that worked for me?” 

Peter doesn’t say anything, just goes back to staring at his hands. 

“Either way seems like your success with me is a lie,” I smirk at him, “I’m getting tremors and my legs are starting to give out on me.” Peter was talking to me like he did me a favour, so I’m finding amusement in telling him that he’s failed to stop what he and others have started. 

Peter just stares at me, shocked. Not knowing what to do or how to react to this new information. He’s probably been trying to believe my lie when I told him I wasn’t having tremors when I was in his office last. I mean I’ve been lying to myself too, I’ve been ignoring the tremors and making excuses for them but I can’t anymore. 

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?” I laugh, “I’m dead, I’m so fucking dead. I’m so glad you kept me alive all these years for your sick experiments and to suffer. Sucks for you, looks like your miracle isn’t such a miracle huh?” A realization dawns on me, “You had a falling out with Banning... That’s why you agreed to take me, isn’t it? You were mad at him so you stole his favourite toy?” 

“He wasn’t going to credit me in any of the work we did together,” Peter slams his hand down on his desk, “I was the one who determined the final formula that stopped you from dying! Me! I was the one who started working for the scouts so I could get someone to get more spinal fluid. But Banning took all the credit!” 

The memory in the dream I had last night comes to my mind. Peter talking to Malcolm and giving him a note. The unsure look on Mac’s face when he read that note... The reason why Peter didn’t tell me he knew Mac before he died... 

“Malcolm,” I say barely above a whisper, causing Peter to freeze, “Why did you lie to me about meeting Mac before?” 

Peter freezes and falls silent, the anger in his eyes from talking about Banning is replaced with guilt and sadness. That’s when I knew without a doubt. 

“He was one of the scouts you asked to get you a sample, isn’t he? I saw you give him a letter... But that’s not true, right? You’ve never met him, right? I’m mistaken, you would never purposely put someone in grave danger for your own selfish reasons, right?” 

I can feel tears sting the corner of my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of him, “That’s how he died isn’t it? You gave him some bullshit story as to why you needed titan spinal fluid.” 

“I told him it was for you,” Peter finally responded, “It wasn’t a lie, I need specific spinal fluid to keep you alive just in case the effects wore off from the initial dose.” 

Now I really feel like I’m going to throw up, I’ve never felt so sick before. 

“Yes, okay, my original plan was just to keep you away from Banning at first, and guilt because of what happened to Malcolm-“ 

“My fucking hero.” I reply sarcastically through gritted teeth. 

“And once I got away from Banning,” Peter continued, “I stopped participating in those kinds of things for Lawrence. I haven’t asked anyone else to get spinal fluid for me. I’ve changed, and it’s because of you. You woke me up, I had just been coasting through life, just doing whatever people told me to do. I covered up lies and lied for people who don’t deserve it. I have not and will never do that again, I was so thankful I had you, living with you I really did start to catch feelings for you and love you-“ 

“Love? Love?! How can you possibly say that to me?! I will not hear that, Peter, not from you! I will not hear it! Do you understand me? You’ve helped ruined my mother’s life, and helped kill her slowly! You’re still visiting with her to make sure she stays the way she is, and doesn’t remember what you have done to her! You killed Mac and you’ve killed me too! The minute I was born I didn’t stand a chance, not a fucking chance! I could have done something with my life, I could have mattered! But the only reason I’m alive is so you guys can say you’ve succeed at something no one else has! That you did the impossible, you’ve saved the unsaveable! But the only reason I need saving is because of you people! And to top it all off, the only other reason I’m alive is because people died in your experiments allowing you to fine tune a formula for me! I’m not worth that! And you put that on me too!” 

“Please, (y/n)-“

“Don’t say my name!” 

“You’re getting worse if your legs are starting to give out, I have to inject you again. Otherwise you’ll die!” 

“How long do I have?” 

“I don’t know, (y/n), from what you were like before we injected you I would say maybe a year at most. Which is why we have to act now, please. Don’t let yourself die because you want to punish me.” 

“No! You’re not touching me, never again. Stay away from me. You don’t get to make decisions about my life, it’s my body!” 

“(Y/n), be reasonable,” He pleaded, “Please don’t let this happen because you’re angry with me.” 

“Angry with you, is that what you think? I’m disgusted with you, I can barely stand to look at you.” 

I get up from my seat and walk toward the door, “(Y/n)!” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. The scouts need you and I happen to think you’re an amazing father to your children and I won’t take that away from them. We both know if Ellen ever found out about what you have done, she would never let you anywhere near those kids again. I can’t go to higher ups because they will silence me, and just say that I’m just a rambling drunken slut who doesn’t know what she is talking about, just like in that article Katrina wrote.” 

“Please, (y/n) please! I can give you more time, the last formula I made, if I could just manipulate it a little bit more and take another sample from you, by my estimate I can give you at least 10 more years!” 

“I don’t want your help, because you helping me is also helping you. And I refuse to do that.” 

“So you are going to let yourself die to spite me?” 

“So do something! Go run and tell Beth or Ben or anyone here to help you hold me down. Oh wait, then you would have to explain to them why you need to inject me.” I challenge him, “It’s not like I can say anything, no one in Wall Sina would believe me. That’s why they manipulated Katrina against me, isn’t it? You guys needed to discredit me ahead of time in case I remembered and started to tell others what has really been going on.”

I walk out and slam the door behind me. I run full tilt to my room, hoping that Sasha would still be in the Mess Hall stuffing her face with food. 

Of course I don’t want to die, the thought terrifies me. But I don’t want to live on someone else’s terms. I’m going to make the most out of the time I have, and find out as much as I can and expose this system for what it really is. I’m not going down without a fight. 

Peter and Banning may have been the ones who have been messing with my mother’s mind and body, as well as mine. But I know Laurie and David are the ones who call the shots. I am going to expose them if it’s the last thing I do. They are not going to get away with this. I need to figure out what memories have been taken from me. But how? 

I finally reach my room without running into anyone else, thankfully. 

As soon as I close the door I crumble to the floor. The interaction I had with Peter was still playing over and over in my mind. 

“Dead woman walking!” I hear someone say cheerfully. 

I get up and whip around to where I hear a male voice behind me, it was Kenny, “How the fuck did you get in here?” 

“I have my ways,” He laughs as he stands up from sitting on my bed, “So, talked to Thompson I imagine, judging by the look on your face.” 

I just glare at him as my response, “Why are you here?” 

“To be a shoulder to cry on of course!” He jokes, “You know, I kind of know how you feel, my family is a product of titan experimentation too.” 

“Is that so?” I scuff, “Are you also dying because of it?” 

“Nope!” He smiles, “Makes me better actually! Unlike for you, where it is both killing you and keeping you alive. Like some weird undead bitch. Plus, the people who dealt with my ancestors knew what they were doing, and had access to the good stuff. Unlike the amateur experiments they did on you and your mother. But I suppose they had to work with what they had.” 

“Oh god,” I give him a shocked expression, “Please don’t tell me this means we are related in some weird way.” 

“You wish,” He laughed, “If we were related in some way, you would be in a much better position.” 

“Just tell me why you’re here and then get the fuck out.” I growl, growing impatient with his senseless chatter. 

“Straight to the point, I like it! I happen to have a list of names of people who contributed to what has been going on at Pearson’s.” 

“And what would I want with them?” 

“Revenge of course.” 

“What’s in it for you?” I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. 

“Given my current position, I have to stay somewhat on the MP’s good side. I can’t go around murdering people that are helping them do sketchy stuff that they get into. My position will be much better with a certain confidant of mine if these men were to... Disappear.” 

“... Are you sure you’re Kenny the Ripper, how the hell are you butt buddies with the MPs now?” 

“I have my reasons, which is why I want you to take care of them for me.” 

“So that’s why you wanted me to find out the truth,” I smirk at him, “So I would be motivated to do your dirty work for you?” 

“Yes and no, you can think of it as me giving you an opportunity to get revenge on the people who wronged you and your mother.” 

“What’s done is done,” I shrug, annoying Kenny, “I don’t have any interest in playing your game, Kenny.” 

“Sure sure, but in case you change your mind, here is the first man on your hit list,” He says as he places a folder on my bed, “You only get one at a time though, you have to pay to play! You do this for me, and every asshole you dispose of, I’ll offer you information that may help you get your memories back.” 

Was that something I even wanted? There is just too much happening right now that I can’t even think straight. 

“What makes you think I want my memories back? From what I gather, they weren’t all fun and happy times.” 

“You’re not a person who is satisfied with ignorance, unlocking your memory is unlocking the information you’re looking for that is stuck in that thick skull of your’s.” 

Despite my moral code, I can feel myself responding to what he was saying. With the little time I do have left, wouldn’t it be best for me to find out all I can? I can give anything I find to Erwin or Hange, they would know what to do with it. Who knows what they will be able to do with the information I have forgotten. 

Even if it means I remember things I don’t want to, especially when it comes to taking advantage of people. I need to know, I have to do something with my short life. 

“So what was last night really about?” I raise an eyebrow at Kenny, “Are you 2 breaking up? Mommy and daddy getting divorced?” 

“Don’t worry, no matter what happens between him and I, we still love you no matter what.” He jokes with a smirk, “I just think we have come to a point in our relationship where we should start seeing other people. He just doesn’t satisfy me anymore.” 

“But Kenny, if your love doesn’t last, how will I ever believe in love again?!” 

“So, do we have a deal?” Kenny asks, reaching out his hand for me to shake. 

“I’ll think about it.” I walk past his outstretched hand and grab the file he put on my bed. 

“Edmund Digman,” I read the name at the top of the file, “Should I know who he is?” 

“He’s one of the main guys in the underground in that gang I sent after you. I need him dead, plus he is also the one who informed Banning where to find your mother. So he is also a secret informant protected by Lawrence.” 

“... You want me to go back to the underground and track him down, why?” 

“You don’t need to know all the details. I want him dead, you kill him, you’re one step closer to your memory being restored.” 

“I don’t think I want to have to serve 25 to life in jail for my memories.” 

“Well, as we have established, you’re a dead girl anyway, what do you have to lose at this point?” He laughs, “Besides, he’s also a wanted criminal, you kill him, no one is going to care. Apart from Lawrence of course.” 

“Then why don’t you kill him.”

“I already told you, I have to keep a low profile for the time being.” 

I skim over the file a bit and see a sketch of him. He does look familiar, but I don’t think he was one of the men chasing me in Stohess. 

“Think about it,” Kenny prompts me, “Once I have confirmation he is dead, I’ll offer up some more information you should find useful.” 

He turns away from me and heads for my window. Ah, so that’s how he got in undetected. 

“Later.” He tips his hat and ducks through my window. 

This is too much to process, I feel like I can’t even think straight right now. I need a distraction, I just need to not think about any of this for right now. It’s a lot to take in for one day. I have maybe a year left to live... Half of that time I’ll be like my mother, trapped in my own mind and not being able to control my body. 

Not being able to trust Peter anymore is a big blow though. I don’t know if I could ever forgive him for being apart of this whole thing. 

I shake my head, hoping that will help me think about something else. First things first, I need to have an existential crisis in the shower, then I’ll have to figure out something else to do so I’m not driving myself crazy. I can think of a very good distraction... Erwin. 

Erwin’s POV 

Well that meeting went a lot longer than I expected, but I guess it makes sense when Hange is involved. I tried to dodge her personal questions as best I could, she is a persistent one. 

Heading back to my office I’m trying to think of the best way to meet up with (y/n) again. I’ve had her on my mind all day, and I really want to hear how her visit went. 

What’s the best way to get her here? Should I go get her? Get someone else to bring her here for something? That might be a little too weird for her. 

I didn’t see her at dinner, I thought for sure she would be back by then. I hope everything is okay with her. 

I finally make it to my office and let myself in. As I close the door behind me, I realize I’m not the only one in here. 

“Erwin! Hi!”

I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration when I see Marie standing there. How has she not understood that I have no interest in rekindling things with her. If anything this behaviour just pushes me away even further, now I can’t even really stand to speak with her or look at her. 

“I understand you’re angry and probably don’t want to see me here. But I just want to get something off my chest. Just let me explain some things to you, please. If you listen to everything I have to say, and you still want me gone, I promise I will leave, just hear me out.” 

I sigh heavily, I really don’t have the energy to deal with this. But if hearing her out means she will leave me alone for good after this, then fine.

“Fine,” I answer her, “But make it quick.” 

“Plans with (y/n)?” She tried to let out a playful laugh, but I could tell it was for show. 

“Can you just say what you came to say and go, I’m really not looking to have you here longer than what is necessary.” 

“Fine fine, I understand. Look-“ 

A knock at my door interrupts her, and the person walks into my office. Of course it had to be (y/n), this is the worst timing. 

“Erwin, hey I-“ She pauses when she sees Marie there too, “Oh, hey sorry for interrupting.” 

More than anything I wanted to kick Marie out and keep (y/n) here. But at the same time, I know Marie isn’t going to leave me alone unless she says whatever she came here to say. So making her leave now wouldn’t help the situation, she would just come back later. 

I want this to be the last time Marie bothers me, so I’ll have to see (y/n) later, “(Y/n), sorry just give me a little bit.” 

Her (e/c) eyes go wide, “You’re asking me to leave and not the married obsessed woman? Does Nile know you’re here, Marie?” (Y/n) bites her lip and her face goes red, “No, sorry that was rude of me, I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” 

She backs out of the doorway and closes it behind her. Fuck, I was not expecting that. I hope she doesn’t think I have any intentions of hooking up with Marie, I’ll explain it to her later. 

“Wow,” Marie smirked, “Someone is a little defensive.” 

“Don’t talk about her to me, our relationship is none of your business,” I round on her, “Just say what you came to say and go.” 

“Fine.” She lets out a frustrated sigh and sits in the chair across from the one behind my desk. 

“Look, I’m sorry about how I acted last night,” She says quietly, “I just, I guess I was taken aback when you openly showed your affection for (y/n).” 

“That’s why you’re here?” I roll my eyes at her, “To talk about (y/n) again?” 

“I’m just trying to understand, Erwin,” She agonized, “I always thought the reason we couldn’t work out was because you couldn’t have those kinds of feelings for anyone. It’s bothering me, Erwin, you pushed me away and we could have had something amazing.” 

“And I fail to understand why you are still so hung up about what happened years ago,” I argue, “I mean seriously, Marie, you’re married and have kids haven’t you moved on by now?” 

“I know that! I love Nile and our kids. But ever since last night all these old feelings have been resurfacing, and I can’t make them go away.” 

“Try harder.” 

“How can you be so cold, Erwin?” 

Ugh this may take longer than I thought. I thought she had closure years ago. I’ll try not to cut her off, I know this is something she really just needs to say. I just hope that she gets whatever she needs out of this pointless conversation, and can finally leave me alone again. 

Your POV 

Well.... I definitely wasn’t expecting that. What is Marie doing here? I thought Erwin rejected her on more than one occasion, what is her deal? 

Clearly Erwin is busy at the moment, I’d like to say I wasn’t even slightly hurt that he asked me to leave instead of her... But I was a little taken aback by this. I know I shouldn’t be, what he does with other people has nothing to do with me and I have to remember that. 

I guess I will just head back to my room, nothing really else to do but lay awake thinking about my ultimate fate. Should I go along with Kenny’s plan? Ultimately I suppose it depends on who the people are he wants me to target. Maybe if I can get those memories back I’ll be able to help the scouts somehow. 

Helping the scouts has been my goal coming here in the first place. Since Laurie’s people were indeed experimenting on my mother and I, and others as well I’m sure. They have to know more about the titans than they are letting on. Why else would they be using their spinal fluid to experiment with? That’s the reason they tampered with my memory too. 

Did they use a similar techniques when it came to erasing problem from other’s memories? Like how Andrea was erased from everyone’s memories... Or were those types of situations different? My mother and I seem to be the only ones who’s health suffered as a consequence. Stranger still, though my physical symptoms resemble that of my mother’s, but her mental state is much worse than mine. What was done differently to us? 

I almost make it back to my room when I hear someone call my name. I turn around to see Sasha running up the hallway, “(Y/n)! There you are! I’ve been looking for you, how was your night last night?” 

“It was okay I guess, what is your rush?” I laugh at her urgency to get me to ask how my night went. 

“Captain Levi was looking for you when we were all in the Mess Hall,” Sasha explains, a little out of breath, “He asked me to find you and send you to his office.” 

Levi? Does he want to check up on me? He knows that I was dealing with something, but doesn’t know what. It’s sweet that he cares, so adorable. Maybe this could work as a distraction, my mind is still going crazy. 

“Okay, thanks Sasha, I’ll see you later.” I wave at her as I turn in the direction of Levi’s office. 

Levi’s POV 

Maybe I shouldn’t have sent Blouse to bring (y/n) to my office, whatever she is going through it sounds stressful. But I couldn’t help myself, I need to make sure she is doing okay. 

I’m starting to gross myself out, I’ve never done anything like this before. I have never been so hung up on someone before (y/n). Erwin may have gotten to her first, but that’s not going to stop me from pursuing her. 

I have to admit when I saw the hickeys on her neck, I wanted to find Erwin and punch him. But what would that solve? Nothing. 

I don’t even know what I’m going to say to her when she gets here... Should I express my desire for her? It seems she already knows that, I guess I haven’t exactly been hiding it. 

Ugh, when did I become this person? At least I was able to control myself in the past, and just avoid having to deal with what I feel for her. But since Erwin has made his move, I have to make mine. I’m not going down that easily. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door and someone opening it. It was (y/n), “Sorry to disturb you, sir. Also sorry for just walking in, but the act of you asking who is at the door seems to annoy you. So I weighed my options and decided I would just open the door and reveal myself right away, and maybe you wouldn’t be as annoyed....”

“... You’re rambling, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing I can’t handle myself, Levi. What did you need?” 

“You weren’t at dinner, I got worried.” 

“That’s so sweet, but I’m fine. Is that all?” 

“No, have a seat.” I say, gesturing toward the chair that is across from mine at my desk. I notice her bite at her lip nervously before she nods and sits down. Her intoxicating lavender scent wafts over to me and her (h/c) hair looks a little damp from a recent shower. 

“How did it go with Dr. Thompson?” I ask her. 

“Fine.” 

“You don’t look fine, I can see it on your face. You’re not as good at hiding your emotions as you think.”

“It’s cute that you care, Levi. What did I miss for dinner? Anything good?” She asks quickly. 

“You’re changing the subject.” I note. 

“Yep.” 

“Are you just going to avoid talking about personal issues until you die?”

She tried to suppress a giggle by covering her mouth with her hand. What was so amusing about what I said? 

“What’s so funny, brat?” 

“You wouldn’t get it.” 

“Try me.” 

“Why did you call me here, Levi?” 

“I wanted to speak with you.” 

“You’ve spoken to me, so what now?” 

“You’re frustrating.” I sigh. 

“You’re the one who called me here, and it’s not to talk about how I’m feeling. And I didn’t come here so I can share personal details about myself.” She says as she rolls her eyes. I couldn’t stop my eyes from staring at her midriff as she stretches her arms up, causing her shirt to lift up a bit showing off her stomach. 

She notices what I am looking at and smirks at me, “Ah, bad Levi, is that why you asked me to come?” 

“It is not.” Though the thought did cross my mind. 

She giggled and leaned forward in her seat a bit, further distracting me since I could see the top of her breasts peeking out. 

“You’re trying to distract me so I’ll stop trying to ask you personal questions.” I note out loud. 

“Mhmm,” She smiled and nodded, “Is it working?” 

“Yes.” 

She sits back again in the chair and studies me, almost like she is waiting for me to make a move. I flex the stiffness out of my fingers; I didn’t even know I was clutching my arm rests that hard. 

“Okay,” She sighs, “Well if that’s everything, I think I’ll be going then. Good night Captain Levi.” She teases me. I’ve held back for awhile, but I don’t know if I can do that anymore. 

She makes her way slowly to the door and I get up and make my way after her. She puts her hand on the doorknob and starts to open the door before I close it. 

I press myself against her, letting her feel how badly I need her, “I want you, (y/n).” I whisper lowly into her ear, making her shiver as I bite gently on her earlobe. She pushes her ass into my groin, making me growl and press against her more. 

“Finally, I thought you were never going to say it.” She giggles as she reached for the lock on my door. Once I hear the click I turn her around to face me. I’m not wasting anymore time, I’ve been waiting ages to kiss those beautiful lips of hers. She has no idea what she is in for, I smirk to myself. Oh the things I plan to do to her tonight, she is going to be sore in the morning.


	33. Chapter 33: (Lemon)

Warning: This chapter contains a lemon section. It will be in the Author's POV, so if Lemons aren't your thing just skip to the next POV! 

Author's POV 

Levi has been waiting so long to get his hands on you, and knowing you were just as eager as he was made him more turned on than ever before. As he pins you against the door he pulls your face to his and claims your lips hungrily. 

His kiss was demanding and full of lust. Where Erwin was gentle and patient, Levi was rough and demanding. But you loved the contrast as his tongue memorized every bit of space in your mouth. 

You can feel him harden even more against you, grinding his impatience on you as you wrap your arms around his neck. A deep moan escapes his lips as you run your fingers through his soft raven hair. 

He couldn't wait anymore, he removes his hands from your waist and brings them to the front of your shirt. In one swift movement he ripped it open, buttons falling to the floor and rolling across the room. 

"Levi!" You giggle as you feel the cold against your exposed chest. He merely grunts in response and steps away to get a better look at you. 

Your face starts to go red as he stares at you, his pupils dilate as he takes in the site. You were breathing heavily from his kisses and his touch, body eager for more of him. 

"Take it off." Levi orders you, looking disapprovingly at your clothes. He wanted to watch you undress for him instead of ruining your clothes. He had to try and calm himself down, he wanted this moment to last for awhile. But restraining himself was proving to be rather difficult with you standing there like that. 

You smirk at him and very slowly start to remove what remains of your shirt. Levi watches you slowly and teasingly remove it from your body. You bit your lip gently and give him a sexy smile as you slowly remove your pants. 

Levi couldn't take his eyes off of you. He knew you were going slowly to tease him, but he held himself back. He was trying to memorize every detail of your body, every scar, every curve, all of it. 

He had to continue fighting hard against himself to not jump you right there. But he didn't want to rush this, he's been wanting this for awhile and wants to make the most of it. 

After you kick off your pants you stand before him in just your bra and panties. You could feel Levi's eyes on your body, it made you feel nervous but hot at the same time. 

"Come here." Levi commands you, leaning against his desk. 

You obey and walk over to where he is, anticipating his next move. You get a sense of déjà vu as he grabs your hair band off your wrist to tie your hair back away from your face. 

"See, I knew you had a thing for hair pulling." You tease him as his fingers brush gently against your neck, giving you goosebumps. 

"Shut up," He smirks, "You're the one who insists on obscuring your beautiful face with your hair." He gives your hair a gentle tug. 

He walks around you to stand in front of you again, "Hold out your arms." He demands, undoing the belt from around his waist. 

You raise an eyebrow at him but obey, holding out your arms in front of you as he requested. He took your wrists and tightened the belt around them, holding them in place. 

"Turn around," Levi instructed, "Put your hands on my desk." 

You do as your told and Levi takes off the cravat around his neck. You tense up a little as he ties it over your eyes, blind folding you. 

"Relax," He sighs, "You'll enjoy it. Keep your hands on the desk." 

You tried to relax as best you could, but the fact that the scars on your back were almost fully exposed to Levi was making you more nervous. You were anticipating his next moves, you didn't know what was going to happen next or what he was going to do. But it was a little thrilling for you. 

You feel Levi's cold hands against your bare flesh again, making you shiver. His fingers traced down from your neck toward your mid back, unhooking your bra on his way. 

You gasp as you feel the cool air on your breasts, making your nipples harden. Levi bites his lip as he watches your reactions. 

He wanted you to feel a little like how he feels when he is around you. Not really knowing what is going to happen, not knowing what he should do, or knowing where he stands, just a constant state of confusion and wonder. It's not quite the same, but he's definitely getting enjoyment out of watching your reactions to him. 

You can feel your face heat up again, Levi isn't touching you, so you know he was just standing there staring at you, "Captain," You say nervously, "What are you doing?" 

You decided to use his title instead of his name because you figured it would annoy him, he doesn't like when you use his title instead of his name when you 2 are alone. And it wouldn't be a natural interaction between you 2 if you didn't try to annoy him. Even now. 

Levi places his right hand on your hip, pulling you closer to him and reaches his left hand around to squeeze your breasts. 

He had to bite his lip hard to hold back a moan, he didn't want you to know just how much you affect him. Not yet anyway. 

The feeling of his hand suddenly on your breast surprised you, but in a good way. He was gentle at first, but he is more used to being rough. He teases your sensitive mounds with one hand as his other creeps closer and closer to your core teasingly slow. 

You moan as he gets closer. Hearing your moans for him had him shiver with anticipation, but he forced himself to be patient.

Levi’s finger teases your sensitive button of nerves through your panties, as he kisses the back of your neck. 

“Please,” You moan desperately. 

“Please what?” He smirks against your skin. 

“Touch me.” You whine impatiently.

“I am touching you.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I want you to say it.” Levi demands as he increases the pressure he has on your clit and nips and sucks gently at the skin on your neck. 

“I want you.” You groan desperately. 

“You can do better than that.” 

“Fuck Levi, I need you inside me, please!” You cry out, embarrassed by the words that came out of your mouth. 

But it seemed to please Levi, he slides his hand into your panties and slides a finger into you, playing with your folds at a faster pace, “I can already feel how amazing you are here.” He groans lowly into your ear, making you shiver again. Seeing the affect he had on you had him biting at his lip again. But he wanted to see you completely undone by him, he was determined to make you beg for him. 

You start rocking your hips, trying to increase the friction. Levi’s intentionally slow pace was making you more and more impatient. He decides to grant you some mercy and adds another finger, “Ah, Levi more please! I need you.” You push yourself more against him, feeling how hard he is was getting you hotter and even more eager. 

He’s growing more and more impatient himself, your lustful demands where heading straight to his cock. He pumps his fingers into you a few more times before removing them, making you groan in frustration. 

“On the desk.” He orders you, bending you over more so your chest was touching the cool surface of his desk, arms over your head, still bound together. 

Levi had to pause and admire the view. The scars on your back you hate so much to him are nothing to be ashamed of. You’re a survivor and a fighter, it’s written all over your body. 

And of course his eyes lingered on your perfect ass. He was glad you were blindfolded and turned away from him so you couldn’t see the eager grin on his face. You yelp as he surprises you by giving your ass a firm smack. 

Not being able to wait anymore he kicks your legs apart, pushes your panties aside and unzips his pants, sighing with relief as his large member is finally released from the confides of his pants. 

You could hear the rustling of clothes and you realized you wanted so badly to see Levi, and to touch him. But you were still blindfolded, so all you could do was hope Levi would have mercy and take it off for you soon. 

But no such luck yet, you let out a loud gasp when you feel him slowly push himself into you, “Hmmm so tight..” Levi groaned. You couldn’t see, but you could definitely feel how big he is. He had to pause to give you a chance to adjust to his size and for the pain to subside. It took him an incredible amount of self control to wait. He gripped your hips tightly with almost bruising pressure as he waited for you to give him a signal that you were ready to continue. 

When you were ready you surprised him by pushing yourself onto him more, making him groan in satisfaction as he watched you fuck yourself on his cock. 

Finally Levi released all his restraint and pounded into you without mercy, “Oh fuck,” He moaned, “Fuck you feel so fucking good, (y/n).” 

You couldn’t seem to form words, only moans of pleasure as he searched for your sweet spot. It didn’t take him long to find it, “Oh god, Levi! There! More!” 

Levi smirked down at you as he focused on that area. Without warning he grabbed onto your hair and pulled your head back firmly, back arching slightly, “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this?” He growls into your ear. 

“Then show me,” You give him a smirk of your own, almost like you’re challenging him, “I know you can go harder, Levi. Fuck me like you mean it, don’t hold back.” 

“You may regret saying that.” 

Levi gives your ass another smack, harder this time, and pounds into you even harder. You can feel the desk shake underneath you as his body thrusts roughly and deliciously against you. You could even hear writing utensils, books and papers fall to the ground, but Levi didn’t care. This is the kind of mess he doesn’t mind making. 

You can feel yourself coming closer and closer to your release as Levi reaches around to play with your clit again, while still having a firm hold on your hair, “Levi,” His name rolls off your tongue as you feel the coil building in the pit of your stomach starting to become undone. 

“Already?” He teases you, “Very well.” He lets go of your hair to grab roughly at one of your breasts as he thrusts into you even harder and faster. 

You moan his name loudly as a warm wave of pleasure rushes over you. The way you moaned Levi’s name and how you tightened even more around him as your orgasm hits you is enough to send him over the edge as well. 

His grip tightens on you and he starts kissing the back of your neck again as he thrusts into you a few more times for you to both ride out your orgasms. When Levi is able to breathe evenly again he pulls out of you, leaving you to groan in protest. 

Levi chuckles at your reaction, “You don’t think I’m done with you, do you? I’m just getting started.” 

Still blind folded he surprised you when he lifts you up easily and carries you to his bedroom. He kicks the door closed behind him and throws you on his bed, causing you to giggle a little. 

“Levi,” You call his name seductively, “Take this off, I want to see you.” 

Levi obeys and removes the blindfold and the belt around your wrists. He stands back to take off the rest of his clothes, but you stand up and stop him, “Let me.” 

He allows you to start undressing him, even though it makes him a little uncomfortable. He is used to being the one calling the shots and making the moves, but you were special to him. So he decides he is willing to allow you some control. 

You stand in front of him and start slowly undoing his buttons. You tried to make eye contact with him, but your eyes can’t help but to stare down at his abs as you progress further. 

Biting your lip slightly you look back up at his face and notice he has a slight blush. It seems obvious to you that he’s never had a sexual encounter like this before. One where he actually allowed the other party to touch him. 

In the past if he were to sleep with someone it would be quick and dirty. Not really any kissing or caressing, just in and out, never really look at them and then never see them again. 

This was just as new for Levi as it is for you. It surprised him how badly he wanted you to touch him. It had never been like that before, he hates people touching him, even by accident. But with you he not only wanted your touch, he craved your soft soft hands on his body. 

Once you were done with the buttons you run your hands slowly up his chest and push the shirt off of his shoulders and arms. Levi assumed you would pull his pants off the rest of the way next, but instead you started kissing around his jaw and down his neck. 

He shivered as your soft lips graze along a sweet spot and he feels you smirk against his skin, as you immediately start attacking that spot. Levi tried to maneuver his hands around you to grab your ass, but to his surprise you slapped his hands away, “No, it’s my turn.” 

Your lips travel further down his body, stopping as you make your way to his chest where you lightly nip at his nipples and swirl your tongue around it. The sensations you were giving him were driving him wild, but he told himself to be patient. He was surprised by how willing he was to let you do what you wanted with his body. 

Your hands moved teasingly close to his, once again, fully erect manhood, without actually touching it. Making Levi groan in frustration. 

You move down farther, licking and kissing his abs as you move down to the place that wants your attention the most. 

‘So that’s where his height went’ You think to yourself as you admire his member. Comparatively speaking, he and Erwin are pretty much the same size, ‘Lucky me’. 

You get comfortable on your knees as you slowly tease his head with your tongue, “Mmmm fuuuck.” Levi moaned as you start sucking his head into your mouth. 

You can hear him panting as you hollow out your cheeks to take him further into your mouth. You moaned as you took him in deeper and deeper, causing an intense wave of pleasure to wash over him. 

Levi runs his fingers through your hair and moans your name over and over again as you bob up and down his length. Your lusty (e/c) eyes meet his hooded steel ones, and once you 2 made eye contact he couldn’t take it anymore. 

He removed himself from your mouth and threw you on his bed. He kicked off his pants and boxers the rest of the way and leaped on top of you.

As soon as he is on top of you he starts to kiss you, biting at your lip roughly to allow him access into your mouth, which you grant him eagerly. 

He moans into your lips as you run your fingers through his raven hair, pulling him closer to you. You wrap your legs around him, encouraging him back inside of you. 

Without leaving your lips, he grabs your legs and bends them closer to your upper body. Thanks to your flexibility, you’re able to keep them there as Levi lines himself up and thrusts hard into you again. You scream from the intense pleasure of the harsh thrusting as he hits you deep inside right away. 

“Fuck (y/n),” Levi groans loudly as he feels your tightness around him again, “You feel so fucking good.” He’s said it before, but he feel he can’t say it enough to you. 

In this position Levi is able to teach even deeper and you start digging your nails into his back. He leans up so he can get a better look at your face, wanting to see how your expressions change as he pleasures you. 

But you felt a little embarrassed of the lewd expressions you were sure you were making involuntarily. Your face was red and your tried looking away from him. 

“(Y/n), look at me.” Just him saying your name made your face go even redder. 

He stops thrusting, even though it pains him to do so, but he wanted to see your face. He was going to deny you release until you show it to him. 

“Levi, please,” You protest, desperately wanting him to continue. 

“Look at me.” He repeated. 

You sigh and look up at his face. Your face was red, plump lips agape as your panting intensified, (e/c) eyes hooded with lust as you stare up at him. 

Levi had never seen such a beautiful site, he didn’t understand why you wanted to hide it. He could get used to seeing this face, he wanted to see it more. 

Levi watches your expressions as he starts thrusting wildly into you again, causing you to let out more loud moans. 

As he is distracted by your bouncing breasts at his movements, you took that as an opportunity to attack him. Taking him by surprise you push him off of you and onto his back on the soft mattress. 

Now it was your turn to smirk down at him as you grab his wrists and hold them above his head, just like what he did with your’s when he bent you over his desk. 

Now it was your turn to tease him a little bit. You almost remove him all the way out of you, but kept his tip in. Whenever Levi tried thrusting up into you, you would move up a bit more, “If you don’t fuck me senseless right fucking now, I’m going to throw you against the wall and fuck you hard enough for you to get splinters.” He growled at you. 

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” You giggle and lower yourself back down his length, still holding his wrists above his head. He desperately wanted to touch you, but he was too distracted by your tight walls squeezing him to fight for the use of his hands. 

“Levi,” You moan into his ear, giving him goosebumps, “Your cock feels so fucking good.” 

You let go of his wrists so you can sit up, allowing Levi to go deeper again. As soon as you let go of his wrists he gripped your hips tightly and helped you bounce on his cock faster. 

He had a craving to kiss you again, so he propped himself up to capture your lips once again while you were still on his lap. This time you bite down on his lip harder, he growled into your mouth and grabbed your ass roughly. 

Your tongues are locked in a battle for dominance which you’re losing. But you didn’t care, you were more focused on getting yourself and Levi off. 

You spread your legs further, basically doing a split on Levi’s lap, taking him in even more. Your movements become a little sloppier as you reach the peak of your climax. Levi’s lips leave your’s to suck and nip at your neck, “Cum for me, (y/n),” He groans deeply against your neck, sending vibrations throughout your body, “Show me how good I make you feel.” 

His words and low voice push you over the edge. Your legs spasm and your movements slow as you’re sent into a state of euphoria. You moan his name loudly as you come down from your high. 

Levi lifts you off of his lap and pushes you onto your hands and knees. He wastes no time in thrusting into you again hard and fast, close to his own release. He was hypnotized by watching your ass bounce against him and he grabs your cheeks roughly. You look over your shoulder back at him, “Levi,” He looks up at the beautiful site of you straining to look into his eyes, “Please, cum inside me.” 

“Fuck (y/n),” He growled at you, “You have no idea what you do to me.” With a few more powerful thrusts he began to get sloppier as he finally reaches his own release. 

He moans your name loudly and collapses on top of you, caging you underneath him, “Did I tire you out, old man?” You tease him, running your nails gently along the length of his arm. 

“Shut up, brat.” He grunts and wraps his arms securely around you. 

Too tired to move, both of you fall asleep, too comfortable in each other’s arms to move. You relish the warmth of his body and you both fall asleep almost right away. 

Your POV   
(Dream)

God I can’t stand this old pervert. He never sticks with just one female, so why am I different? He takes me to one party and now he’s been requesting me like every other day for the past couple weeks. I wonder why he didn’t just take his wife with him. So annoying. 

As annoying as he is at least he has an interesting relationship with Laurie. That’s enough for me to grit my teeth and endure his shameless behaviour. 

“Of course you’re here again,” I hear a female voice coming toward me. At first I thought it was his wife, who is well aware of his gallivanting. But I was wrong. 

“Nice to see you too, Freida,” I smirk at the dark haired girl, “You know, everyone I speak to who knows you says you’re an amazingly nice girl... I don’t see it.” 

“You don’t deserve kindness,” She snapped, narrowing her eyes at me, “I know what you’re doing, Peitho. My father may not see it because he gets too distracted by you, but I do. You’re scum, just like your father.” 

“Awww, that’s not fair, Freida,” I sigh, “I don’t call you a philandering whore because of your father. By the way, you best be careful with what you say to me, I am petty enough to screw your father and make you my stepdaughter.” 

Instead of continuing to argue, Frieda walks past me before I make her stop in her tracks. 

“Are you heading out to see Historia?” 

She slowly turns around to look at me, a shocked expression on her face. 

“How did you-“

“She’s your sister, right?” I interrupt her, “She looks a lot like you, well with blonde hair instead of black.” 

I continue to smirk at the glare she gives me, knowing she is panicking, trying to figure out how much I could possibly know. 

“Peitho!” I hear a male voice coming from behind me, “There you are, I’m ready for you.”

“Goodbye Ms. Reiss!” I smile and curtsy sweetly at a scowling Frieda.

“Shall we go, master Reiss?” I grab onto Reiss’ arm and give Frieda one final look over my shoulder. 

I had my suspicions about the Reiss’ for a while, but now I can confirm they are up to something shady. I don’t know exactly what it is yet, but if the information I read is true, this could be huge. 

(End of dream)

I slowly open my eyes and wrap the blankets around me more when I feel a chill on my bare back. Levi must be up already, I should probably get up and out of here. I doubt he wants to have to deal with me, so I’ll make it easier for the both of us. 

But it is so warm under the blankets, I’m still so tired and I’m also still naked... Maybe I’ll stay a bit longer. 

What was with that dream? I definitely remember kind of knowing Rod Reiss, but I didn’t know I knew his daughter too... And who is Historia? From our conversation I guess it’s another one of Reiss’ kids... 

Why did Frieda appear to be upset when I mentioned her name? Secret love child maybe? But why would her reaction be that concerned with what I knew? No use trying to figure it out now, I don’t have enough of the memory to go off of; I’ll just have to wait and see if anything triggers more from that particular memory. 

My stomach growls loudly, taking my mind off the short memory in that dream. I guess that is to be expected, I didn’t have dinner last night. Alright, I guess I have to get up. 

I wrap the blankets around my body so I’m not walking around with absolutely nothing on. I may steal one of Levi’s shirts, his punishment for ruining mine. 

I lower my feet onto the cold floor and stand up, but once I try to take a step I fall right to the ground. At first I thought it’s my legs giving out on me again, but then I realize I’m just really sore and my legs feel like jelly from last night... Levi wasn’t kidding. 

“That has to be the most ungraceful thing I have ever seen.” I hear Levi chuckle from his bedroom doorway. Ugh, I didn’t even know he was still here. 

“It’s your fault,” I giggle, “Just because my legs are able to bend a certain way, doesn’t mean they should. My legs hurt, I’m not as flexible as I used to be.” 

“I beg to differ.” 

“Alright, well I’m going to use your bath, hope you don’t mind.” I say as I sit myself up on the floor, blankets still securely wrapped around me. 

“Fine, but don’t you think we should have a conversation first?” He comments as he folds his arms, looking down on me. 

“You know, actually, I think I’ll just go to the regular showers.” I start picking myself up off the ground. 

“Will you stop, we have to talk at some point.” 

“You know, I think maybe I’ll go listen to those religious fanatics who worship the walls. Maybe they aren’t all crazy, I mean Pastor Nick seems semi-normal.” I tease Levi, entertained by his frustrated expressions. 

“(Y/n)-“ 

“I would love to stay and chat with you, Levi, really I would, but I have some socks in my room that just need to be folded so...” 

Before I can take a step away from he pushes me back down on the bed, looks like I’m really trying his patience... But I can’t help it, it’s too easy to wind him up. 

“Do we have to talk about it?” I complain, “Can’t this just be easy? What do we need to talk about?” 

“What is your relationship with Erwin?” Levi asks me as he crosses his arms and glowers down at me. 

“Coming in hot, huh? It’s not really a relationship, strictly speaking... More of an understanding of sorts .” 

“Where does that leave me?” 

“I’m still going to hook up with Erwin, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. I like him, and I like you. So I’ll put it simply,” I stand up from the bed to stand in front of him, “I enjoy your company, and would like to do it again. But I also like Erwin, and enjoy his company as well.” 

“A traditional relationship,” I continue, “Is not something any of us can really offer. We don’t have that luxury in the scouts. But we all need a way to relieve stress, without talking about feelings, hopes and dreams. I’ll understand if you don’t want to be involved, but as I said I’ll still be seeing Erwin, so it’s up to you. What do you want, Levi?” 

He seemed kind of shocked at my openness, he doesn’t take long to give me an answer, “I think I’ve made it quite clear that I only have an interest in you. Now that I’ve had you, I won’t be able to get enough of you.” 

My face goes red at his words, “Good, glad we cleared that up, but I really do need to shower so...” 

“I don’t mind, I’ll help you.” Levi smirks down at me. 

“My body has been through a lot recently,” I giggle, “It needs a break.” 

“Shower is in there.” Levi points to his bathroom as he leaves me alone to do what I need to do. 

“Oh, Levi,” I call to him one last time, “Just for the sake of fairness, of course I wouldn’t say anything against you seeing someone else as well.” 

“Yeah,” He snorts sarcastically, “Because I was doing so much of that before you came along.” 

“I was just letting you know,” I laughed, “Oh, and Levi, try not to fall too hard for me.” I wink at him as he rolls his eyes at me. 

I see that Levi folded the clothes I had on last night for me. It looks like he put one of his shirts on the top of the nearby pile. Good, it would be awkward to run into anyone on my way back to my room and explain why my shirt no longer had buttons on it. 

I turn on the water and hop into the shower. The warm water feels so nice on my sore body. Last night was definitely fun, and it worked as a distraction for sure. 

Should I tell Erwin right away? He was the one who said I could see other people if he was busy. I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to tell him, but if he asks me I’ll tell him the truth of course. I hope this doesn’t get too complicated, I like them both a lot. 

I like how Erwin is gentle and loving toward me, and I like how Levi is rough and demanding. The contrast is a real turn on. I am a little worried about catching real emotional feels toward them. I don’t want to be in that position again, especially when I don’t have a lot of time left. And I also don’t want to put them in a position for them to get stronger feelings for me. It will just make it harder for them when I die. I’ll have to keep conversations to a minimum, just a physical relationship is better for all parties, and less conducive to an actual loving one. 

Maybe I should go along with Kenny’s plan... Who knows what kind of information I have stuck in the corners of my mind. Whatever it is I feel like it could be valuable to the scouts, I need to act fast though. 

After I finish showering I quickly get dressed and get ready to head down to the Mess Hall for breakfast. 

Levi is still in his office, waiting for you. He stands when you enter the room, “Shall we?” He heads toward the door first and holds it open for me. 

“... Was last night that good? Why are you being so polite?” I punch his arm playfully. 

“Shut it.” He growled at me. As I giggle and walk past him, he grabs me and gives me a quick kiss on my lips. It definitely surprised me but it was a nice gesture. Then he topped it off with a firm slap to my ass. Ah, there it is, I was starting to worry. 

We walk down to the Mess Hall together in a comfortable silence. My thoughts do linger on what went down last night, and how my legs still kind of feel like jelly and sore. Not that I’m complaining, this is the type of soreness I do not mind. 

We reach the Mess Hall and the only table that had any openings was a table currently holding Mike, Gelgar, Nanaba and Hange. I decided to go over and sit with him after I grab my food, Levi following closely behind me. I tried looking around to see if I could see Erwin anywhere, but I don’t see him. 

“There she is!” Hange exclaims when she sees me, “How was the party the other night?” 

“Interesting,” I smile at her as I sit down next to her and across from Gelgar, “I’m sure you have heard by now what happened.” 

“Yeah. Trouble does seem to follow you wherever you go.” She replies thoughtfully. 

“Facts!” I laugh at her comment, she is definitely not wrong. 

“Are you going to come with us, (y/n)?” Gelgar inquires. 

“Where?” 

“Mike, Nanaba and I are being sent outside Wall rose with some cadets from the 104th group.” Gelgar explained, “Commander Erwin wants us to keep an eye on them out there, monitor how they behave and interest with each other, or if they try anything out of the ordinary. Also, he wants Mike to keep his nose on the lookout for any strange plants growing out there.”

Plants huh? Erwin must have took what I said about the possibility of there maybe being some kind of plant that can help camouflage our scent against titans to heart. That makes me happy, hopefully they can find something. There has to be something though, why try to hide certain plants in that book if it doesn’t have anything to do with the titans? 

If Laurie and Banning know about something like that, why would they try and hide that information? Why do they want to stay trapped in these walls, what is hiding out there they don’t want us to find? 

“Commander Erwin said you found some book from Dr. Banning’s office that has given you some intriguing ideas,” Gelgar continues, pulling me out of my thoughts, “What makes you think such a thing exists outside the walls?”

“There are pages intentionally ripped from that book, why would they do that if there was nothing out there? If there’s no such plant out there, why rip the pages out? When people still occupied the areas in Wall Maria it would be easy for Laurie and others to make sure such things remained a secret. They could have sent people out to destroy them as they grew. By it’s been years since humans have been able to live within Wall Maria, so if mysterious plants are it there, they should be easer to find.” I explain to him. 

“I love your mind!” Hange squeaks as she pulls me towards her to kiss my forehead. 

“Well, we are leaving early tomorrow,” Gelgar replies, “So this may be the last time I ever see you.” 

“Gee, promise?” I say playfully. 

“Any last minute advice on being out there? Since you survived a week out there on your own.” 

“Alright, but lean in, I don’t want this getting out,” I gesture for him to lean across the table closer to me and whisper in his ear, “Don’t die.” 

“Brilliant, why didn’t I think of that! Also, since it is your fault that I have to go into Wall Maria, how about spending a night with me before I leave?” Gelgar asks jokingly. 

I see Levi out of the corner of my eye giving Gelgar a rather menacing look that even made me a little scared. Gelgar may be a little hopeful, but I know he is kidding... For the most party anyway. 

“No thank you,” I smile sweetly at him, “I value our friendship too much. Or insert other excuse here.” 

“Okay, well if you are going to keep me in the friend zone, you can help me screw one of your friends from the capital, new best friend.” He says, smirking at me. 

I chuckle, “Okay, how do you feel about tall blondes?” 

“Yes.” 

“Amber eyes, fit, will sleep with anyone. Oh, his name is Conrad, hope that’s not an issue.” 

“Pass.” 

“That’s probably for the best,” I nod, “He’s basically the human personification of period cramps.” 

“It’s a good thing you’re hot,” Gelgar comments, “Because you say the weirdest shit. Don’t you have a female friend you could introduce me to?” 

“None that like me,” I sigh, “Not a lot of the girls really liked me, except Celeste, but my brother beat you to her.” 

“Isn’t that weird for you?” He raised his eyebrows at me. 

“... Yep.” 

The conversation between us paused as we continue to eat our breakfast. I really want to go with them when they leave. Maybe if I talk to Erwin he will let me go...? It is my theory after all, I should be there too. 

Now that I have eaten I feel really tired again, I could fall into a food coma right now. But I better participate in some training today. Plus, I want to see how my titan boy is doing, it feels like I haven’t seen him in ages. 

“Good morning, Dr. Thompson!” Hange greets Peter as he walks by our table. My head snaps up and I look in his direction. He looks unsure, but Hange waves him over to sit in the empty spot on the other side of her. Now what do I do? I can’t be hostile toward him, they will notice and ask unnecessary questions. I’ll try my best to just ignore him unless he addresses me directly I suppose. 

I hear Hange and Peter engage in regular chit chat and I can feel myself getting more and more tense. I jump when Levi puts his hand on my thigh to get my attention, “What’s wrong?” He asks me, noticing my change in disposition right away. 

I don’t say anything, just trying to focus on something, anything else. 

“So, are you actually going to volunteer to come with us, (y/n)?” I hear Mike’s deep voice from beside Gelgar, it’s like he can sense a change in my mood and is trying to distract me. I sigh with relief and give him a small smile, “I will, but I have to get permission from Commander Erwin, he may have something different planned for me.” 

“For sure,” Gelgar cuts in, “Because volunteering to die by Titans is better than being ordered to.” 

“I’m not worried about being killed by Titans.” I laugh, at least not in the traditional sense, I’m being killed by Titans in a different way. 

“Oh yeah?” Nanaba chuckles, listening in on the conversation, “You’re a soldier, most of us die by the Titans eventually. How do you think you’re going to die then?” 

“Probably being sarcastic at the wrong time.” I answer her thoughtfully, “Captain Levi, write that on my tombstone.” 

“Ha!” Hange laughs loudly, “That’s probably an accurate prediction!” 

I can still feel Levi’s suspicious eyes on me, I just hope he won’t ask about it. I’m not really up for talking about what is going on between Peter and myself. Plus I don’t want Levi to worry about me. 

I can feel myself starting to get drowsy again, the voices around me make me feel more tired. 

I feel a sharp pinch on my side and jump a little bit. It was Levi, “Pull yourself together, what is going on with you?” He whispers to me, concern evident in his tone. 

Hange notices my behaviour too and cuts in, “Are you okay, (y/n)? Rough couple of days? Maybe you should talk to Dr. Thompson before training starts. Or have a nap..?” 

I scuff at her advice and offer a snort of derision toward Peter, “Oh don’t worry about me,” I say as I get up from my seat, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right Peter? Haha!” I give him a firm slap on his shoulder as I walk behind him to leave the Mess Hall. 

Rough couple days? More like a rough fucking life. As soon as I leave the Mess Hall I head straight for the training grounds, I’m really in the mod to punch something. It can’t be Peter, so the training dummies will have to do. 

I walk briskly toward the training grounds, and I was too distracted by my anger with Peter that I ran right into Reiner. 

“Uh, (y/n),” He laughed and steadies me before I fall over, “You really have to watch where you are going.”

“Sorry Reiner,” I sigh, “I’m in my head too much these days.” 

“Well I’m happy to see you, I haven’t seen you since before you left for that party. I’m sad I didn’t get to see you in a dress, you must have looked stunning. But this is good timing, I’m leaving tomorrow and I wanted to say goodbye to you before I go.” 

“Ah, you too huh? Who else is going?” I ask as he walks with me to the training area. 

“Bertolt, Christa, Ymir, Connie, Sasha and a few others.” Reiner says, listing off names on his fingers. 

“Sounds like a good group,” I comment, “Do you know what this mission is about?” I’m curious about what they have and have not been told. A lot of the scouts going on this mission are under suspicion, so what have they told them this mission is about? 

“Some kind of survival drill for the rookies I think, I’m not all that clear on the details. But we will be gone for a few says, so try not to miss me too much.” Reiner chuckles and pats my shoulder. 

“How did that party go by the way?” Reiner asks, “I hear things kind of went south, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, nothing I can’t handle,” I give him a reassuring smile, “I don’t suppose you want a sparing partner? I need to do some hand to hand combat.” 

“Sure, if I’m going to be thrown to the ground by someone, I’m glad it’s you.” 

We get to the training area and there are only a couple people around, good.

Before I take up my defensive stance my arms start jerking out of position. Damnit why now?! 

Reiner notices and gives me a worried look, “Are you okay?” 

“Fine.” I reply curtly, lunging forward at him to start the combat session. 

At least I still got it, it doesn’t take me that long to send Reiner tumbling to the ground. We spent about an hour going back and forth, I let him take some jabs at me here and there, but he would usually still end up on his ass. 

After I sent him into the dust a 5th time, I suddenly feel my legs buckle and give out underneath me. Come on! Of course it has to be in front of someone else. 

He seemed a bit hesitant to bring up whatever just happened to me, but he sat down next to me and chuckles slightly, “You know, you are the only other person who has been able to throw me around like that, apart from Mikasa and Annie.”

“The female Titans?” I raise my eyebrows at him. 

“Yeah, I didn’t know her very well, but I did spare with her a few times.” Reiner replies, rubbing the back of his head. 

I study him closely causing him to grimace slightly. He clears his throat and decides to address me about me legs, “What is going on with you?” 

I don’t really know what to say, there is no way I can explaining what is really going on, but Reiner is a persistent one. I trust Reiner, maybe I can let him in a little bit.

“It would appear I am beginning to suffer from the same illness my mother has. Got to love genetics huh?” I laugh uncomfortably. 

Reiner looks down at his hands, not really knowing what to say to that I imagine. He seems to be deep in thought about something. I wonder what is bothering him.

“Hypothetically speaking, what if there was somewhere you could go, where you could get more advanced medical treatment?” Reiner asked me carefully. Where is this coming from? 

“You mean the capital?” I ask him, “I don’t think they would do much to help me.” 

“I didn’t mean the capital.” 

“Then what did you mean?” 

“If there were a place you could go where you could get better, but it meant leaving this place, would you do it?” Reiner inquires again, staring at me intensely. 

What kind of a question is that? There isn’t anywhere else I can go. I guess I can technically still be treated by Peter, but I’d rather die than be experimented on by the likes of him. 

“Sure, I guess,” I shrugged in response, “But we don’t live in that world, Reiner. It is what it is, come on let’s continue.” 

“(Y/n),” I freeze when I hear a familiar deep voice call my name. 

“Commander Erwin,” I greeted him with a salute as well as Reiner. 

“At ease, I need to speak with you.”

“Oh course,” I nod at him, “See you later, Reiner.” 

Reiner looks disappointed to see me go, but you can’t argue with the Commander so he held his tongue, and I followed Erwin out of the training area.


	34. Chapter 34: Aloof (Lime)

Warning: There is a small lime section in this chapter, same as before it will be in the Author’s POV. So if you don’t like limes just skip past that section when you come to it. 

Your POV 

Erwin walks in front of me heading to where I assume would be his office. He doesn't say anything to me as I follow him silently. I wonder what this is about? Something about Marie maybe? Ugh, why am I even thinking about her, come on (y/n), that's none of your business and you know it. 

Plus, I have no right to be sad if he did hook up with her, seeing as I hooked up with Levi. I definitely don't regret it though, my feelings for these 2 men are messy and complicated. All I know for sure is that I like spending time with both of them. And hell, I don't have that much time left, so I'm going to get as much sex as I can from the both of them. 

When we reach Erwin's office, he holds the door open for me politely. I thank him and walk past him into his office. 

As soon as he walks in after me and closes the door, he pulls me into an embrace right away. His lips kissed mine hungrily, and I eagerly accepted. Definitely wasn't expecting this, but I'll take it. 

After a few moments he released me so he could look at me, "Sorry about last night, it was kind of an awkward situation." 

"A little bit, you don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to, it isn't my business after all. I'm sorry for the way I reacted, it wasn't appropriate." I reassure him with a small smile. 

"I don't mind telling you about it," He sighs heavily and goes to sit down behind his desk, "Have a seat." 

I'm an avoider, I don't know if I want to hear about what happened, ignorance is bliss as they say, "Actually, if it's about Marie, I really don't need to hear it. So if that's all, I think I'll-" 

"Sit." 

Uh oh, he's using his stern voice, it doesn't seem like he is up for dealing with my usual shit when it comes to pushing buttons, "Okay," I raise my hands in surrender, "You're right, or I could just sit down and shut up. Thank you sir, very good advice." 

I see a small smile form on his lips when I finally sit across from him, waiting for him to speak. 

"I'm sorry about last night," He started, "I didn't know Marie was going to just show up like that. She just waited in my office for me while I was away." 

"What did she want?" I try to ask casually. 

"To talk about our past and you mostly," Erwin explained, running his fingers through his hair, "It was basically her last ditch effort to see if there is anything still here." 

"Did she get the closure she needed?" I inquire, looking down at my hands, trying to look unbothered. 

"I hope so, she said everything she came here to say and I listened, that was all I agreed to do. That's why I kicked you out by the way," I could feel his eyes on me so I raise my head to meet his gaze, "She wasn't going to leave if I didn't hear her out. I did, so she won't be bothering me again." 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I smile, "You're a lot to lose, Erwin. I can understand why she is still clinging to you after all these years." 

I seemed to have taken him by surprise when I said that, judging by the shocked expression on his face, "What? I can be nice and give compliments! Not everything I say is sarcastic." 

"I know," He chuckled, "I was just a little surprised." 

Erwin sat back in his chair a bit and studied me carefully, "So, what happened yesterday? You seemed like something was really bothering you."

There it is. I knew it was coming, but I still wasn't prepared for it. I can't talk about it, not about Peter, about my mother, about Katrina, any of it. I can't open up, not to anyone. I won't put my burdens on someone else, especially not someone I care about. Erwin has enough stuff to worry about. 

This conversation already feels like it is getting too personal, "I just wanted some alone time with you and I was a little taken aback that you already had some company." I say as I stand up from my chair and walk around his desk to him. I'll get his mind off of asking me more personal questions. 

"Is that so?" He asked as he watched me approach him slowly, "You seemed a bit upset, was it because of the visit with your mother? Or were you just not expecting to see Marie in my office? Were you jealous, (y/n)?" 

I pause at that, was I jealous when I saw Marie in his office alone with him? I mean... a little... I would be lying if I said I didn't want to punch her face when I saw her there looking all smug, does that count? Probably. 

"(Y/n)?" Erwin pulls me out of my thoughts. 

Should I tell him the truth? Would he be a little uncomfortable if I admit I was a little jealous? No, I should just bite the bullet and be honest, no point in lying about it. 

"Yes." I admit, avoiding his gaze again. 

Immediately I feel his hand on my arm and he pulls me onto his lap and kisses my lips roughly. 

I hum into his lips and run my fingers through his soft blonde hair. I can feel his large hands go under my shirt to feel my body. His hands are warm and gentle as he traces circles on my back. 

I bite at his lip eliciting a deep growl from him as he bites back at mine, shoving his tongue into my mouth before I can fight back. 

I can feel him harden underneath me and I grind teasingly slow on him. He grabs my hair in response and yanks my head back, giving him better access to my neck. 

I gasp as I feel his lips on my throat and his hands grab onto my ass, encouraging my body to rub against him faster. 

Then of course there had to be a knock at the door. I pull away from him and giggle quietly at the frustrated look on his face. 

"Erwin, it's me," Mike's familiar deep voice can be heard from the other side of the door, "I'm coming in." 

I slide off his lap in a hurry and hide underneath Erwin's desk, with Erwin still sitting in his chair. He pulled himself more into his desk, trapping me under it.

Well that is unexpected, but I can't help but giggle a little bit. What a compromising position to be found in. Maybe I should have a little fun with this... 

Author's POV (Lime) 

You weren't really paying attention to what was being said between the 2 men, when Mike sat down across from Erwin. You had a plan to mess with Erwin for a little bit, or maybe torture would be a better word for it. 

Erwin's legs were very close to you, if he sat too far away to give you more room that would look a little odd. He didn't have to look at you to know what you were planning and that you had a satisfied smirk on your face. 

You run your hands teasingly up his legs, starting from his lower leg. He tensed up immediately when he felt your hands on him, knowing exactly what you were planning on doing. But he didn't yet know if he would try and stop you or not. 

You quietly readjust yourself under the desk, so you are sitting on your knees. Your hands reach up to his knees now, putting some pressure behind your movements, massaging your way up his lower body. 

Erwin tried to stay focused on listening to Mike, but it was proving to be rather difficult. All he could think about was your soft but firm touch creeping up his body. Plus it didn't help that he was already hard from your interaction before Mike arrived. 

All he could do was try his best not to show any reactions on his face, but on the inside he was screaming for more from you. 

Your hands have reached his thighs now, you move your hands up and down them as you creep closer and closer to his belt and zipper. 

Occasionally you'll listen a little bit in on their conversation, but you didn't really care what they were talking about. 

"Are you okay, Erwin?" You hear Mike ask with concern. 

"I'm fine, Mike," Erwin replies, trying to keep his voice even, "Continue." He wanted Mike to say what he came to say and leave quickly. Not that having you hidden under his desk is particularly a bad thing, but he does prefer having a little bit of control. But this way, he is at your mercy. 

You brush your hand over the big tent that has formed in his pants, causing him to push into your hand slightly more. Trying to make it look like he was just shifting his weight around to Mike. 

Slowly and quietly you start to unbuckle his belt and undo his zipper. Your slow pace was driving Erwin crazy because he couldn't do anything about it, and you loved it. 

You spread his legs apart more so you can get closer to him. You pull out his throbbing member and he has to bite back a moan of relief. 

You love when Erwin loses his composure, you didn't care that Mike was there, you wanted to see how far you could push him. 

You could see Erwin's knuckles go white as he clutches at the arms of his chair, as you rubbed your thumb over his head. His teeth were clenched tight trying to listen to what Mike was saying. He knew you were trying to make him lose his composure, and he was determined not to lose to you. 

Smiling to yourself you start licking up and down his impressive length, making his fingers clutch even tighter on his arm rests. It took a massive amount of self control for Erwin to not make any sounds, but it was proving to be very difficult. 

"Are you okay, Erwin?" Mike asks him, confused by his odd behaviour. 

"Yes, continue." Erwin didn't trust himself to speak for too long, one of two word sentences was all he could safely manage. 

You had to keep yourself from laughing evilly at Erwin straining to remain calm. You slowly started taking him into your mouth as much as you could. 

"Alright, well you seem a bit preoccupied," You heard Mike comment, "I'll talk to you more later." 

"Okay." Erwin replied through gritted teeth. 

"Oh, and (y/n)," You freeze when you heard Mike say your name, "Finish up quickly, Hange needs to speak with you, she says it's urgent." 

"Yes sir!" You surprised Erwin by actually answering back. 'Who cares,' you thought to yourself, 'he already knows I'm here.'

You can hear Mike chuckle as he leaves Erwin's office. 

Once you hear Mike close the door behind him, you sigh dramatically, "Well, I better get going." 

"Don't you dare," Erwin growls, "Finish what you started, then you may go." 

You smirk at his impatience and lower your mouth down on him again, using your hand to add friction to the areas you couldn't quite reach. 

Erwin was finally able to let out a deep moan as you work your way up and down his length. He uses one hand to grab onto your hair, holding it behind your ears so he can have an unobstructed view of your face. 

"Fuck, you look so hot like that, (y/n)." He groans as he watches you. 

You hum in response causing Erwin to tighten his grip on you, feeling overwhelmed by the intense pleasure you gave him. You hollowed out your cheeks and he started hitting the back of your throat, making you gag a little bit. 

You use your hand to play with his balls, driving him even more crazy, "Damnit (y/n), I'm going to-" 

He can no longer form coherent words as you start bobbing your head faster. His breathing becomes heavier and his groans become a little louder as he reaches his release. 

Erwin throws his head back as he cums in your mouth, "Mmmm, (y/n)... Fuck." Is all he can say as you swallow and look up at him. You smile at him as you release him from your mouth and stand up from your knees. 

"I'll see you later, Erwin." You kiss his cheek before turning to leave, "I better go see what Hange needs." 

"Alright," He says, still breathing a little heavily, "See you." 

Erwin's POV 

I watch her as she winks at me and exists my office. What am I going to do with her? I've never had to work so hard to maintain my composure. 

I thought I would care more when Mike admitted to knowing (y/n) was in here. But I didn't, I didn't really care that it was completely unprofessional. What is this woman doing to me? 

I was frustrated when I couldn't find her last night. I could tell from her face that she was upset by something when she came to my office. I felt awful for sending her away when Marie was here, but it was necessary. 

Marie just went on and on by how hurt she felt by my actions, past and present. I didn't know what she was expecting to get from me. I decided apologizing was really the only thing I could offer her. Even if it was insincere, it seemed to work. In my mind, I don't believe I have anything to apologize for. But I believe she has the closure she needs, and she can go back to Nile and leave me alone for good. 

After she left, I tried looking for (y/n). I even tried going to her room myself, but her roommate told me she wasn't there. My stomach dropped, because I knew she was likely with someone else. 

Whatever was bothering her, when she came into my office last night, it was clear something weighed on her mind and she was looking for some sort of distraction. And by me sending her away, it's likely I pushed her to someone else. 

She smelled different, obviously she showered recently, but she didn't have her usual lavender scent. Which must mean she showered using someone's personal shower, rather than grabbing her soap from her room and going to the communal showers for the scouts. 

I can't be angry with her, we made it clear to each other that we can't have a relationship. It's not my place to bring it up to her, because I know she wants to keep our 'relationship' casual. I'm afraid if I bring it up to her she will figure out I'm too invested in her. If she knows she will end whatever this little arrangement is, and I don't want that.

When she is not with me she is always on my mind, and when she is around me I can't keep myself away from her. Is it because she is the only woman I have had any interest in for years? She's a beautiful woman, but good looking women have expressed interest in me before, and I have always turned them down. 

There is something different about her and I can't get enough of her. So if I have to hide my jealousy, I will do my best, I don't want to lose her. Our little arrangement is still pretty new, maybe she'll allow herself to pursue something more series with me. Even if she doesn't, this will have to be enough for me. 

Your POV 

Crisis averted, I can avoid talking about personal problems for another day. Avoiding is fun if I get to have more play time with Erwin and Levi. 

I knock on Hange's office door and await her response to invite me in, "Come in!" I hear her say cheerfully from the other side of the door. 

"Section Commander Hange," I salute her politely as I enter her office, "You wanted to see me?" 

"Yes!" Her face lit up when she saw me, "Please, have a seat." 

I sit in the chair across from her on the other side of her desk, "So, what's up?" 

"I was wondering if I could get that book from you that you found from Banning's," Hange explains, sitting down in the chair at her desk, "I wanted to read through it and see what other plants are listed in there." 

"Sure," I nod at her, "Is that all? Mike said you needed to speak with me urgently. Seems like something that could have waited." 

"No, there is something else," Hange sighed and fiddled with her fingers nervously, "What is going on between you and Peter?" 

I stiffen in my chair, "I don't know what you mean." 

"Come on, (y/n)," Hange said seriously, "The boys aren't going to notice your change of tone when Peter sat with us, they are too distracted by you. But I noticed that change in you, you tensed up then like you tensed up just now when I mentioned his name, so what is going on?" 

"Hange please," I look up at her, "Don't make me. You don't want me getting into it." 

"What happened? Did he do something to you? Or is it the other way around?" Hange asked me, leaning further over her desk toward me. 

It's weird seeing Hange like this, concern is written all over her face. But I can't burden her with this information, it's not that I don't trust her. I just... Can't tell her. I can't tell anyone. Even if I did tell her, so what? Nothing can be done about it, the damage is done and nothing will happen to the people who are responsible for this. It would just be more shit to pile on top of everything else going on. 

"(Y/n), please don't keep things to yourself," Hange pleaded, "If there is something wrong I can help you. I know you're independent, but sometimes it helps confiding in someone else. To you it probably seems like I enjoy participating in gossip, which is true to an extent, but anything you tell me will stay between us. I promise." 

I'm thankful that she cares about me so much, but I can't tell her. If I tell her it will be a bigger conversation. And it will probably involve talking about Kenny's plan for me, and she will try to stop me. 

I don't want to ruin her relationship with Peter, as much as he fucked up with me, I also know that he is at least trying to change. Regardless of my past with him, it's my past, my problem and it should stay between us. 

"I'm not a virgin anymore." I blurt out in a panic, this should get her mind onto something else. 

"... Eh?" 

"It's just weird to be around Peter," I sigh heavily, "I know he had feelings for me at one point, and I just don't want to give anything away." 

"No way!" Hange laughed, "I mean, I figured something might happen, but I just thought it would be a kiss or something, but sex? That's... fast. Who with? Was it Erwin? At the Party? After that party? Details!" 

This should be enough to distract Hange for now. It's much easier to talk about my sexual escapades than it is to talk about what is really going on between Peter and I. 

"Yes, it was Erwin," I admit to her, "Um... Levi too though." 

"What the hell, (y/n)!" Hange shouted, "Not just 1 but both of the scouts most desirable men?! What does that mean for your relationships? Do they both know you slept with both of them?" 

"Erwin and I have an understanding," I reply, "Erwin told me when he is busy he doesn't mind if I see someone else." 

"Did he use those exact words?" 

"Maybe not those exact words, but he definitely said I could." 

"Ah, so he said you could, but he didn't say that he doesn't mind it." Hange points out. 

"... What are you getting at Hange?" I narrow my eyes at her. 

"I'm saying I have known both Erwin and Levi for a long time," Hange continues, "And I have never seen either of them show any interest in any woman, not even just in the scouts, in general." 

"Don't worry, Hange," I laugh, "You don't have to worry about me getting my feelings hurt by them only wanting a sexual relationship, I'm embracing it actually." 

"I'm not worried about you, (y/n)," Hange smiled sadly, "I'm more worried about them." 

I pause at that, what is she getting at? I'm sure they are more than fine with just a physical relationship, aren't most men? 

"Your concern is adorable, Hange. I’m not a bad person, they are safe with me.” I wink at her. 

“I’m not saying you’re a bad person,” She reassured me, “I’m saying they have never experienced any sort of attachment or feelings when it comes to sex. You have had emotional attachment and feelings without the sex. You’re experiencing something new, and sex may not be a big deal for you because you have learned to shut off emotional attachment as a result of what happened to your husband. But it’s obvious you’re different to Levi and Erwin, I guarantee it’s not just sex for them.” 

I brush off her comments, “Yeah yeah, I’m sure it will be fine. If they have a problem with our current relationship, they can tell me-“ 

“They won’t tell you, (y/n), they don’t want to lose you.” Hange interrupted me, but I continued, “Relationships, no. Sex, yes. That is how it is, I’m trying to enjoy their company before I de, just let me live for the moment!” 

“What does that mean?” Hange gives me a worried look. 

“I don’t mean anything,” I give her a small smile, “It’s just something people say, right? Don’t worry.” 

“How is your mother doing?” She asks suddenly. 

“She’s well, for the most part I suppose.” I reply, a little surprised of the sudden change of subject. 

“And how are you doing?” 

“If you just wanted to talk to me about the book I will go get it and bring it to you now.” I get up from my chair, officially done with the conversation. 

“(Y/n), wait!” Hange tries to call after me, but I ignore her and leave her office. 

I had to get out of there, I felt like if I stayed I would have eventually opened up to her. I can’t do that, I have to keep this to myself. I refuse to burden anyone else with my problems. 

I’ll just grab the book for her now. I headed straight for my room, avoiding anyone who tried to stop me to chat along the way. 

I run into my room and close the door behind me, “Hey! Coming to training today?” I jumped when I heard Sasha behind me. 

“Ooo, a bit jumpy huh?” She laughed at my reaction, “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” I smile, “Just have to grab something for Hange, I’ll see you down there.” 

“Wait, where were you last night? You never came back to the room, I was getting worried.” 

“That’s classified.” I tease her. 

“Commander Erwin was looking for you, did he speak to you yet? What did you do?” 

“Nothing that wasn’t consensual.” 

“What?” 

“Sasha, I really have to get this book for Hange, we can talk later.” 

Sasha relents and nods at me before leaving me alone in our room. I go to my bag to grab the book when out of the corner of my eye, I see the file Kenny left for me last night. 

I grab it and open it, Digman’s portrait looking at me as I flip through it. 

(Flashback) 

“Oh, you will do nicely,” I heard a man say as he quickly made his way over to me, “Wait, you look familiar.” The man frowns when he gets closer to me. 

My eyes go wide as he studies me, I try to back away from him, mama always warned me about keeping my distance from strangers. But he grabs onto my arm and pulls me closer to him. 

I can’t do anything, all I can do is stand there, terrified at what the man might do. Mama has been warning me about children going missing, what if that happens to me? What will happen to mama? 

“Hey!” I hear another deep voice yell from behind me, “Get your hands off my daughter!” The new man growled to the man that had a hold of my arm. 

The new man had the same colour hair and eyes as me, he does look kind of familiar... But I’m too scared to think straight right now. 

The man with the same colour hair as me punched the man that had a hold of me hard. He let go of my arm as he fell to the ground. 

“How long are you going to hide the capital slut, Seth?” The man on the ground snapped at the man named ‘Seth’, “And stop pretending that you are any better than I am, just because you’re not in the life anymore doesn’t mean shit. We are still the same.” 

“Come near either of them and I won’t be as merciful, Edmund.” Seth growled at him. 

“And what would you do if I did? Unlike you I’m protected. Just try it.” 

Seth picked me up and started walking with me, “Why the fuck are you out by yourself, huh? Where the hell is your mother?” 

“Home.” I say in a shaky voice, scared of the man’s tone, “She told me to go outside, there is a man talking to her at home.” 

“Who?” He glared at me. 

“I don’t know.” I start to cry, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. 

He rolls his strange yet familiar (e/c) eyes at me, “Don’t go near that man again, understand?” 

I nod nervously at him and remain silent as he brings me home to my mother. 

(End of Flashback) 

I open my eyes again and I realize I’m sitting on my bed now, the file still open next to me. When I was younger I didn’t even recognize my father, he was around so rarely... 

My fragmented memories are really starting to irritate me. Maybe after training today I will try going down to the underground and see what I can find out about this Edmund Digman. 

I guess seeing his face again triggered that lost memory. I recognize the man in that memory as a younger version of the man in the portrait in the file. 

In the memory he had brown hair, but in the portrait he was bald with a familiar tattoo on his temple. But I recognize him, his icy blue eyes were devoid of any emotion, or empathy. 

What did he mean when he said my father and him were the same? Now that I think about it, I don’t really know what my father did when he was not at home. I know he was a hired hitman a few times, but other than that I don’t really know. 

I look up at my closet and see the hood I wore when I first came here. When I was only known as (y/n/n). I smile at the memory, a lot has happened since then. But maybe it’s time to use it again when I go to the underground. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I need to go. I need to understand my past, and if finding this man and getting rid of him will help me do it, so be it. 

I won’t be able to stay down there for too long, but I think I know where I should go. I do remember when I was little my father would talk about this bar he would go to ‘find jobs’. It wasn’t too far from my old house, maybe I should start there. 

I’ll deal with this later. I stand up from my bed, grabbed the book and made my way to Hange’s office again. Hopefully she’ll have more knowledge than I do about the plants in this book. If anyone can figure something like that out, it’s her. 

I walk into Hange’s office without knocking and am surprised to see Moblit there too, “Hi Moblit, are you well?” I greet him politely. 

“Yes, thank you. Are you heading down for training?” He asks, smiling at me. 

I nod my head and return his smile, “Just dropping this off for Section Commander Hange.” I place the book on her desk and get out of there before Hange could interrogate me more. 

As I rush out of her office I hear Moblit rush out after me, “Mind if I walk with you?” 

I narrow my eyes at me suspiciously, “.... Okay.” 

Did Hange say something to him? I like Moblit, but we aren’t exactly friends, we don’t really speak with each other much. 

He walks with me quietly, looking at me out of the corner of his eye occasionally. 

“Something on your mind, Moblit?” I ask him, growing frustrated with his silence, “Hange say something to you about me?” 

“Please don’t take offence, she’s worried about you, (y/n).” He says quietly. 

“It’s none of her business, Moblit. It’s not her place to worry about me, she can worry when my presence here is more of a burden than a blessing. I’m aware I have given probable cause to worry, but it has to do with my personal life, not as a soldier. If I start being a bad solider or team player, then she can interrogate me. Any questions?” 

“It was not my intention to offend you,” Moblit replied. Damnit, being angry with him is like trying to be angry at a puppy, you just can’t stay mad at him, “Hange just doesn’t want anything to happen to you is all.” 

“I’ll be fine, Moblit, promise. Maybe you should take her mind off of me.” I smirk at him, raising my eyebrows suggestively. 

“Wh-what do you mean?” He stuttered, face beginning to go red. 

“You know,” I smile widely at him, “‘Feed the kitty’, ‘do the horizontal happy dance’, ‘2 person push ups’, ‘test her humidity’,” As I continue with as many euphemisms as I can, I notice Moblit’s face gets more and more red and more and more terrified... This will work, no way he will stick around if I make him more uncomfortable. 

“(Y/n), please stop.” 

“‘Ride the skin wagon to pound town’, ‘attack the pink fortress’, ‘assault with a friendly weapon’, ‘tickling her tommy from the inside’,” I continue, trying to make him as uncomfortable as possible. 

Moblit starts to cover his ears, but that won’t stop me, I can be very annoying when I put my mind to it, “‘Disappointing the wife’, ‘plowing through the bean field’, ‘roughing up the suspect’,” Moblit has finally had enough and he rushes away from me down the next perpendicular hallway. 

“Hey! You chose to walk with me, I can do this all day!” I laugh loudly, satisfied by the end result. 

“What are you doing?” Mike laughs, not far from the hallway Moblit just exited down. 

“Giving Moblit life advice.” I reply innocently. 

“You are in no position to give anyone life advice.” 

“Fair,” I agree, “Walk with me to training? This may be our last chance to hang out before you leave.”

Mike nods and falls instep beside me, “So, get a chance to ask Erwin if you could come on the mission?” 

“My mother told me I shouldn’t speak with my mouth full.” 

“Whoa,” He chuckles, “So forward, I was not expecting that.”

I was going to ask Erwin about that, but with less superiors around it will be a good time for me to sneak away to the underground and do what I have to. I doubt I’ll find Digman my first night looking for him, I’ll have a few days in a row I can search after my regular daily tasks. 

“Too bad,” Mike says, “In that case...” He doesn’t finish his sentence. He puts his hands gently on my shoulders to keep me still and gives me a light kiss on my forehead, “I would have given you a proper one, but I know where that mouth has been not one hour ago. But I had to do something,” He smirked at my shocked face, “Just in case I die.” He continues walking down the hall as if nothing happened. 

“Mike Zacharius!” I yell after him and punch him playfully, “If anyone is going to come back from that mission, it will be you.” It’s weird to see him like this, he is usually so quiet, it’s kind of refreshing though. 

We chatted the rest of the way to the training area, and got to work. 

Time skip, after dinner... 

It was nice to get back to my regular routine. Eren has been stuck to me like glue today once he saw me walk into training with Mike. He also kept trying to figure out where I was last night, Sasha must have mentioned something to him. 

I haven’t seen Erwin or Levi around, that’s probably a good thing. They don’t typically take part in regular training with the newer cadets, they have their own work to do. If one of them were to be around I’m sure I would be convinced to stay instead of leaving to the underground. 

I make it to my room and grab my hood, this feels kind of weird. I haven’t worn this for a long time... But I have to conceal my identity down there, there will be a lot of trouble for me if I don’t. 

Hange’s POV 

I can’t get my mind off of what is going on with (y/n). Something isn’t right... Why is she moving so quickly? This is the kind of behaviour I would expect to see in someone who is dying. It wasn’t long ago she blushed whenever I even mentioned Erwin or Levi’s name, and now she is just nonchalantly admitting to sleeping with both of them? Get as much living in as they can before they die... 

Why would she be at odds with Dr. Thompson, though? Does she have her mother’s illness like she feared? What is going on? 

I’m startled out of my thoughts by a knock at my door, “Come in!” 

A woman with dark brown hair pulled up in a tight bun on top of her head, grey eyes and glasses walks into my office. 

“Hello, do I know you?” I ask the woman, studying her carefully.

“No, not officially,” She replies, sitting in the chair across from me, “My name is Katrina Sanderson, I’m (y/n)‘a oldest sister.” 

My eyes go wide, so this is Katrina. The sibling (y/n) appears to hate, “What can I help you with, Ms. Sanderson.” 

“My sister found out some pretty devastating news yesterday,” She said nervously, “And I’m worried she may have something drastic planned.” 

“What makes you say that?”

“My sister isn’t the do nothing type, I gave her something yesterday and I think I may have made a mistake. I just saw her collapse and I panicked. It was wrong, I should not have shown it to her. I should have just dealt with things by myself. I didn’t mean to get her involved and now I’m afraid she is going to get herself killed.” 

“Wait, what happened to her? What do you mean, what information?” 

“I’m sorry, I can’t go into detail, telling you would put you in danger as well.” 

“Why did you come to me then?” I narrow my eyes at her. 

“I tried to visit (y/n) when she was rescued from outside the walls, I saw you speak with my brother and sister when they were visiting. They seemed to like and trust you, so I thought I would come to you. It’s clear you care for (y/n), so I felt I could trust you to keep an eye on her” 

“I don’t know what you expect me to do,” I say, giving her a confused look, “She’s an adult, she is able to do whatever she wants, I can’t stop her. Especially if I don’t know what I’m supposed to protect her from.” 

“I only want you to keep an eye on her, and who she interacts with. There are a lot of people who don’t have good intentions for her, even those who seem to be close with her. Please, I know you have every reason not to trust me. I was awful to her, I chose a lie of a marriage over my sister who needed me more than anything. I’m trying to make it right. I’m not asking you to get involved, I’m asking you to monitor and take care of her. Make sure you keep anyone you don’t know away from her. Please.” 

Looking into her eyes I can tell she seems to be in a lot of distress. She looks like she’s about to cry, but determined to keep her emotions in check. 

I was very suspicious when she first told me who she was, but I can tell she is being sincere. Whatever this family is wrapped up in sounds dangerous, and obviously effects (y/n). 

“Is (y/n) well?” I ask her quietly. 

“No.” 

“What’s wrong with her?” 

“I can’t be the one to tell you. If she wishes to confide in you I cannot stop her.” 

“Is Dr. Thompson involved?” 

“Yes.” 

“In a good way or a bad way?” 

“Both.”

This is bad, can I even go to Thompson and ask him? Would he be honest? What is wrong with her? It must have something to do with her mother. That’s the only thing that makes sense. 

“Please,” Katrina’a voice pulls me out of my thoughts, “Just do what I couldn’t do, protect her. I’ll do what I have to on my end.” 

She gets up from her seat and heads to the door, “Should I tell (y/n) anything?” I ask her before she walks out. 

“No,” She looks back at me and smiles sadly, “She still hates me, it’s best if she doesn’t know I was here. I’m trying to make things right, the only way I can.” Without saying anything else, she leaves my office. 

What am I to make of all this? Can I even trust Katrina? Should I try talking to Thompson and find out what is actually wrong with (y/n)? Should I mention something to Erwin or Levi? Would she have confided in them? No, she wouldn’t do that. 

Maybe I’ll just go directly to her, just to check on her. I get up and head out the door. It’s after dinner, she’s probably in the shower or her room... Or maybe she is with Levi or Erwin... 

I start making my way toward the women’s dorms, might as well check there first. When I reach their door I give it a few loud knocks. 

“Section Commander Hange,” It was Sasha who answered, “Is this about what happened in the kitchen? I told them I’m sorry! I get raging black outs when I haven’t eaten for an extended period of time! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone!” She says hurriedly. 

“... What?” 

“Oh, nothing ma’am,” She laughs nervously, “What can I help you with?” 

“Is (y/n) here?” 

“No, she just left actually.” 

“Did she say where she was going?”

“No, is everything okay?” 

“Yes, sleep well Cadet Blouse, you have to be up early tomorrow.” 

“Yes ma’am.” She salutes me and closer the door again. 

I guess the next stop is the showers then check with Erwin and Levi. I looked out the windows down the hallway when something catches my eye. 

I see a hooded figure walking across the grounds towards the stables. I know that hood, I haven’t seen it for awhile, but it is unmistakably (y/n)’s. Where is she going that she needs to hide her face? 

I hurry after her, but being careful to stay out of her site. I will have to be careful though, she is pretty in-tuned with her senses. She will notice me if I’m not extremely careful. 

I quickly grab a horse and follow after her. This is so strange. why is she sneaking out like this? I keep a decent amount of distance between us as I follow her for about half an hour, and I finally realize she is heading into Wall Sina. 

I follow her for another 20 minutes when she stops to tie her horse up to a post.... She is heading toward an entrance to the underground...


	35. Chapter 35: Return to the Underground

Your POV 

I give my hood one last pull over my head to make sure it is secure. Ah, just like old times. I take a deep breath and make my way down. 

The place looks just as crowded and shitty as ever. When Wall Maria fell I'm sure a lot of people had no where else to go but down. Not able to afford housing behind Wall Rose, let alone Wall Sina, and forced to go underground. 

The crowds will help with sneaking through without being noticed. Plus my hood doesn't stand out down here, this place is full of people trying to hide who they are and keeping a low profile. 

I weave in and out of the crowds, passing by unrecognized by the masses, but don't get too cocky, (y/n). Anything can happen down here. 

Yep, everything more or less is the same. People either look terrifying or terrified, that is the general feeling you get when you walk the streets of the underground. 

All the congestion in the streets is making everything worse. I push my way through the crowd to reach one of the back alleys. The back alleys are more dangerous, sure. But I'm confident I can handle myself in a fight. 

I remember this alleyway, it's not far from where I used to live with my mother. This is the alley I would come to feed the stray cats, but as I look around I don't see them anymore. That made me kind of sad, maybe with more people living down here people took them in. 

"Bad idea to come down here, bitch." I hear a male voice say from behind me, followed by the clicking of a cocked gun. 

"I don't do well in crowds," I shrug nonchalantly and turn around to face him, "I have social anxiety in big crowds." 

I study the guy that stands before me holding a gun at arms length, pointing at my chest. He looked younger than me, can't be more than 18 years old. I could see how pale he was even with all the dirt clinging to his skin. He had short black hair and green eyes. I could see he was trembling a bit, even though he was able to keep his voice even when he spoke.

"Hand over your money, bitch. Or I'll blast a bullet through your skull." The guy growled lowly.

"Why? Do you want to buy yourself a pretty new dress you little bitch?" I sneer at him. I have to take on this persona while I'm down here, I act more like my father. People don't expect someone my size and gender to be aggressive, but I like it to be a little surprise. 

He steps closer to me, aiming his gun at my head now, "You want to die for some coins, cunt?"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" I giggle, "If you want to threaten me, you better have the balls to pull the trigger, dumbass," To his surprise I closed the distance between us even more, until the gun was touching my forehead, "I'm not giving you shit. Go on, shoot me." 

The man looked shocked and didn't know what to do. He must be new to petty crimes. I could tell from his body language if I didn't relent he wouldn't do anything, he's too nervous. 

He narrows his eyes at me, "Wait," My hood was pulled back a bit as I try to make eye contact with him, and I didn't notice my hair was untucked from my hood, revealing my signature (h/c) hair. The man pulls it back more and his eyes go wide. 

"No fucking way." He smirked at me, "(L/n)'s daughter, ooo this is too good." 

He lowered his gun and booked it past me. Fuck! I was careless, he probably reports to someone who has it out for my father, I can't let him get away. 

The man runs swiftly through the alley and into the crowded street. I need to get a higher vantage point so I can track where he is going. I'm sure he can navigate through the underground a lot easier than I can. 

I look at my surroundings and notice a rusted ladder leading up to the roof of a building. That will do. I scurry up the ladder and strain my eyes trying to find the man. I thought it would be more difficult to spot him, but he was the only one rushing through the crowd. Idiot. 

I run and hop from roof to roof, tracking his every movement. But suddenly I blink and he is gone. What the hell? Where did he go? I look to the spot where I had lost site of him and I can see a very narrow entranceway to another alley. 

He's got to be in there, I would have spotted him if he were entering a building. I jump down from the roof I am on and cross the busy street. Once I cross I scale up another rusted ladder so I can see down in the narrow alley. 

I hear voices coming from farther down the alley. I make sure my hood is up and my hair is tucked into my clothes, so it doesn't stick out again. 

"Where's the money. Ash?" I hear a deep voice say. 

"You'll get it, I swear! I'm working on it!" 

It was the guy I was following who answered the deep voice. He was surrounded by 5 men larger than he was. They were all bald, they must be apart of that gang that chased me in Stohess... This could work out in my favour, I won't have to kill him if they have it out for him. Problem solved. 

I'm about to turn and leave when I hear another man with the deep voice speak up, "You can't back out of a deal," One of the bald men growled, "You'll get it for us now, or after we kill you. We'll go to your mother next, she's not doing too well is she? Or maybe we will go to your sister, she is 13 years old now, right? She's old enough for us to put her to work." 

I shiver when I can practically feel the creepy smile they must be giving him. What has this kid gotten himself into? He couldn't even rob a little girl like me, how did he get mixed up with this gang? Stupid question, obviously he needed money or protection. 

"Please!" The guy, 'Ash', shouted, "I- I- I have information about someone!" 

"We don't want information, Ash. We want money, and you don't have it. So, there is only one thing we can do." 

I see the 5 men swarm around him, punching and kicking him, "Help!" He yells, but it's no use, no one is going to help him. Others aren't going to want to get involved even if they did hear him. People try to keep to themselves down here, it's better than getting caught up trying to help someone a gang is after. 

I sigh heavily and line myself up to land on the man that has his hands on Ash. I'm going to have to use the element of surprise to my advantage. I am pretty quick and strong, the only upside to slowly dying from being experimented on using titan spinal fluid... 

I jump off the roof and land right on one of the men, knocking him out as my boot collides with his head. The other man pull their weapons out in a hurry. 

I don't want to kill them, I will if I have to, but I would like to avoid it. But at this point, it is either the them or me, and I'm not quite ready to die just yet. Since I landed by Ash, I grabbed the gun he had on him and shot one of the other men in the shoulder. Looks like the bullet passed right through him, as long as he gets that taken care of soon, he should be okay. 

I duck as I sense a member of the gang winding up to take a swing at me. I avoid his fist and pull out my throwing knife, I make a cut where I know his femoral artery is, "Better get that stitched up soon or you'll be dead in minutes." I smirk at the man as he glares hatefully at me. 

But he wisely decides saving his own life is better than killing me, good choice. 3 down, 2 to go. 

I twirl my throwing knife expertly around my fingers and square up against the 2 uninjured men that are left. They circled me but kept their distance, "What's wrong, boys?" I tease them, "Scared of a little girl?" 

One growls and lunges at me, but I was ready for it. I threw my knife to burry itself deep in his thigh, he groaned in pain and fell to the ground. The other man finally makes his move and barrels into me, knocking me to the ground. My head hits the ground pretty hard, cushioned a little bit by my hood, but not much. 

I groan dramatically in pain and clutch at my head, as I heard the man who knocked me over got up off of the ground and started coming toward me again, "Ha, got you now you smug bitch." 

'Idiot', I think to myself, still clutching at my head with one hand as my other reaches for Ash's gun. The man was too focused on me he didn't see me grab it off the ground and fire a shot at his leg, "Ha! Tricked you!" I get up and run to the man who has my knife sticking out of his thigh. 

He hisses and tries to swipe at me with his own knife when he sees me coming, but I dodge it as I reach for my knife. I yank it out of his leg with one strong pull and turned to Ash. 

"Come on," I grab onto Ash and pull him away from the alley before any of them decide I am far more bothersome than their pain, "Let's hurry." 

He follows me silently as we jog out of the narrow alleyway. I pull him across the road to a more well-lit alley and take a look at him. 

It doesn't look like he's seriously hurt, just some surface cuts and some bruising, it could have been a lot worse for him. If I had left him there, I'm sure they would have killed him. 

"Thank you." Ash mumbles without looking at me in the eye. I honestly wasn't really expecting him to say anything.

"You're welcome." I say, looking around to see if I can see if any of the men were able to follow us. The only one I can realistically see chasing us is maybe the one I knocked out first. The others have some pretty back injuries. 

"So, I guess you can't be Seth (l/n)'s daughter," Ash laughed nervously, "No way she would have saved my ass back there after what I did, or attempted to do." 

"No, you were right, I am his daughter." I say matter-of-factly. 

He looks at me with wide green eyes as I continue, "I am (y/n) (l/n), just underground murderous scum like my father. Everything bad anyone has ever said about us. Ash, I don't know why I felt compelled to save you today. I was going to let you die; I can't have people knowing I'm here, you see. But it seems like I may be coming down here intermittently, and that needs to stay a secret." 

I step closer to him, he tried to back away from me, but he didn't get far when his back hit a wall, "I really hope, for your sake, I don't regret saving you, Ash. Am I going to regret saving you?" 

"N-n-no ma'am!" He stutters. 

"Great, what's your full name?" 

"Asher Neumann." 

"Asher Neumann," I repeat back to him, sticking my hand out for him to shake, "I'll be sure to remember that name." 

He grabs onto my hand and I pull him down so his face is more level with mine, "I'll be checking in on you, Asher Neumann, don't make me regret saving you." 

His frightened green eyes stare at me as he nods, "Good," I smile and let go of him, "Get out of here before those guys decide to come after you. Oh, and you'll be needing this." I toss him the gun and chuckle as he fumbles it. 

"W-wait," He calls after me as I turn to walk away, "What if they come looking for me again?" 

"Of course they're going to come looking for you, idiot. You owe them money, that's a you problem," I shrug at him, "I saved you once, figure out how to pay them back before they find you again. Even if you do pay them back, there is no guarantee that they won't kill you just for being a nuisance." 

"Wait!" 

"What?!" I round on him. 

"Here."

Ash hands me a small pocket knife, "I need the gun, but you can have this. Give it back to me when you're satisfied I won't tattle on you." 

"What kind of logic is that? It's just a regular little pocket knife, why would you care if I have it?" I narrow my eyes at him. 

"If you look on the blade it's engraved," I look down and see N. N engraved on the blunt edge, "It's my father's initials, it's the only thing I have left of him." 

I study him, his shoulders sag a bit when he mentions his father, it must be a painful memory for him.

"What happened to him?" 

"Killed by your father, actually." 

I couldn't stifle a little laugh that escaped me, "Ironic." 

I expect him to scowl at my reaction, but he smirked, "Yes, so I do want that knife back when your 'business' in the underground comes to an end." 

I wonder what kind of a man his father was... Why would my father kill him? Who knows, what does it matter anyway? No one is safe down here. 

"Alright," I offer him a small smile, "You better head home." 

Ash nodded and turned to leave the alley, but this time I called after him, "Hey!"

He turns around to look at me and I throw him a small sack of coins, "To help you keep them away from your sister." 

He catches the bag and gives me a small smile before he disappears into the crowd. I really hope I don't regret doing that. But I don't know, I just feel like there is something about him I trust. 

Once again I make my way toward the bar close to where my old house is, sticking to the crowds this time. I'm careful to keep my hood down and covering my faces as I make my way through the crowds of people. 

It wasn't too long before I reach my old house. I was surprised that it seemed to be abandoned. There was graffiti all over the place, mostly scribbles and expletives about my father. 

I had to fight the urge to walk into it, I have to stay focused, no more detours. Maybe I'll try going in another day, it looks too suspicious for a hooded person to break into an empty house that would have already been picked over for any valuables. 

Come on, don't stand around for too long, you know you will get people's attention if you do that. I sigh and make my way toward the area I know the place I am looking for is. 

I walk down the streets swiftly, passing by several bars on the way. But none of them looked like the place I was looking for, they were not grungy or sketchy enough. 

There were even a few small bakeries, I don't remember those being here last time. Must be from people who moved down here, that's good at least. 

I make my way down a few more alleyways when I stop in front of an old building. It's only one level and looks like it is not much bigger than the house I used to live in with my mother. Which isn't saying much, that house was pretty tiny. I guess small is less noticeable... More unassuming I suppose.   
They have that going for them I guess. 

I look up at the faded sign hanging above the door, 'Der Untergrund'... Quaint. 

I open the door and walk in, it smells like sweat and alcohol. Good thing I'm wearing my hood, or my grimace probably would have made me a target right away. 

There are only 4 tables in the small bar, and about 6 stools sitting at the bar itself. Only one table is occupied, with a few burly men. And there were 2 men sitting at the bar talking to the bartender. 

"It was a good job, thanks, Uwe," One of the men sitting at the bar said to the bartender, "That rich party was the best party to crash. It's amazing what you can get away with in a panic. Plus, the women above ground are something else man." 

I sat further down at the bar waiting for the bartender to notice me so I could speak with him. But that was stupid of me to think that, this is the underground, if you went something you better get it yourself. 

I tried waiting patiently for at least a few more minutes for the men to finish their conversation, but it's getting annoying hearing them stroke each other's egos about what a good job they did above ground. They must be talking about Banning's party. 

"Hey," I finally speak up, getting their attention, "Can you guys stop sucking each other's dicks for a second? I'd like a drink, bar wench."

The men glower at me, but to my surprise do not say anything. The bartender made his way over to me, "Weapon on the counter." He crosses his arms and glares at me. 

He has a bald patch on the top of his head with grey hair around the sides and back of his head, and a thick moustache under his large nose. He was kind of short, not as short as Levi or myself, but only slightly taller, "I have to admit, I thought it was just a joke when people claimed if you grew up in the underground you were more likely to be shorter than average," His brown eyes narrow even more at me, and I note that he has a long scar running from the left of his forehead diagonally down to the right I his ear, "Nice scar, kitties giving you a hard time?" 

"I don't mind people coming in here with some attitude, but you better be careful." He smirks at me. 

"Fair enough." I put my throwing knife on the counter for the bartender to take. 

"Now, what do you want?" He asks as he takes my knife and puts it somewhere under the counter. 

"Is that any way to speak to a customer?" I tease him.

"Why don't you write a complaint so I can shove it up your ass?" 

"Oooo scary, the bigger boys in jail must have looooooved you." 

Without warning he grabbed my collar and pulled me across the counter a bit. Oops, probably pushed a bit too far. 

"You got a death wish?" He growled lowly at me. 

"Kinda." 

"How about you tell me what you want to drink, then shut the fuck up, yeah?" 

"Sure princess," I raise my hands in surrender, "Whiskey." 

He drops me harshly and grabs a bottle behind the counter and pours me a drink. 

"Now, what are you doing here?" He asks me, shoving the drink in front of me. 

"I'm looking for someone." I answer, throwing back the whiskey in one gulp. 

"Everyone is. Who?" 

"Edmund Digman." 

"Get in line." He chuckled darkly. 

"I have money." I press. 

"Money won't get you what you're looking for. You're not from here, are you? We deal with a different type of currency down here." 

"I am from here, I've just been on vacation for some odd years." 

"Let me give you some advice, you want information on someone, you better have information to offer on another person of equal value." He explained, crossing his arms at me again. 

"What kind of information?" I ask him. 

"Most popular payment is information on wanted people, like Edmund Digman for example." He offered. 

My eyes get distracted by what looks like a score board behind the man's bar. There are a bunch of names attached to other names. A lot of the names look like aliases, but the names attached to them I have seen a few of them on wanted posters above and below ground. 

"What's that for?" I inquire curiously. 

"That's for the big boys, it doesn't concern you." He chuckles. 

"I have information and access to a person you may find of value." I respond. 

"Oh yeah? Who?" He smirks at me, believing I have no idea what I am doing, and probably finding some amusement in it. 

"(Y/n) (l/n)." 

He freezes when I mention my name, "I know where she is, it's accessibility that's the problem. Nice try though, cupcake." He turns to walk away from me, but I stop him. 

"What if I could get her down here? What are the rules to your little game?" 

"Assuming I believe you, as long as you can prove to me that your information is accurate, I would put your name up on the board along with whatever name you choose to use. Others on the board will decide if they want the information you have, but we do have some wanderers too that don't show their hand until they see your bet. Someone will challenge you, or you challenge them. Whoever lives gets the information. But, if you challenge someone with information you want, and they don't want your information, you may have to challenge someone else until you gather enough to satisfy the original person." He explains. 

"Information provided by underground criminals? That information must be sooo reliable." I scuff. 

"Everyone who enters has to prove their information is accurate to me, as I said, in order to qualify for the board." He rolls his eyes at me, as if I should already know he is a trustworthy person. 

I pause, can I really trust the is man? At the same time what was I expecting? This is the underground, (y/n). If you want to get anywhere, you're going to have to play along. 

"So, how about it? Can you prove you can get (y/n) (l/n) down here?" He prompts me. 

He leans closer toward me and looks at me smugly, assuming I'm all talk. 

"Sure can." I pull some of my hair out of my collar and pull my hood back a bit so only he could see my face. 

His eyes go wide, shocked that it was actually me. I tuck my hair back in and pull my hood further over my face again, "Is that proof enough?" 

He laughs, "I see, I see, last time I saw you, you barely reached above my knees. What happened to those pretty little girl dresses, huh?" 

"My balls dropped." 

"Indeed," He scoffs, "I guess that's what happens when your daddy runs away, your momma goes crazy and you're sold to Lawrence Pearson." 

"Yep, anyway how do I know you won't tell your boys who I am before I have a chance to prepare myself and fight?" I ask him seriously. 

"This may be the underground, but I'll make sure you get your fair fight." He insists. 

"Ooo honour among thieves, huh? That's adorable. Do I get an invite to the circle jerk too?" 

"You're father wasn't all bad," He glares at me, "I owe him a favour. You'll have your chance to fight fairly, but if you're out of your league, I won't help you." 

"When do the fights start?" I smile at him. 

"Tomorrow night, here, don't be late." 

"Deal." I stick out my hand for him to shake, but one of the men that was sitting at the bar when I came in shoved me so I was facing him instead of the bartender. 

"This little bitch giving you problems, Uwe?" He asked the bartender as he spat at me. 

"Maybe he just enjoys having a conversation with someone who actually has functioning neurons." I retort coolly. 

"What did you say?" He shoved me against the bar. 

I noticed the bartender, 'Uwe', place my throwing knife on the counter before he shoved me. How sweet, what did my father do for him to help me out a bit? 

"Aw, getting your knife back, huh? That the only way you can fight back? Maybe you should learn how to shut your fucking mouth. It's going to cause a lot of problems down here, maybe it's time you learn." 

"I don't need it," I smirk up at him, hood still mostly covering my face, "I don't need a big knife to go toe to toe with a tired old man like you. What took you so long to say something? Working up the courage to approach me and 'put me in my place'? That's sweet, but I'm not interested in playing with you. How about this, I'll let you turn around and go back to your seat. That way, the few people in this bar don't have to watch me bend you over my knee and spank you like the bad boy you are.” 

He's seething, I've never seen someone so mad. It's his fault for letting my smart ass mess with him and wind him up. If you let anger take over, you're more likely to do something irrational or stupid. I watch him closely for signs that he may want to attack, and I see it. 

He turns like he is going to walk away, but I can tell he has no intention of walking away. He went to grab for my knife, but I was faster and saw it coming. I still had the small pocket knife Ash gave me hidden in my sleeve. I stab it through his palm and into the bar counter. 

The man shouts in pain and surprise, staring at his hand with the knife sticking out of it and into the counter, "I did warn you," I shrug, "Sorry, I meant to tell you to bite down on something, I don't have any lube, my apologies. But I think you took it like a champ, atta girl! I had fun." 

I grab my knife and yank the pocket knife out of the man's hand. Uwe rolls his eyes, "Damnit, I just cleaned the counter." 

Before I turn to leave I hear Uwe call out to me, "Hang on, what name do you want me to put up with your offer?"

"(Y/n/n)." I reply. 

"Remember, fighting starts tomorrow night, (y/n/n). I'm sure you'll be at the top of the list." He says and points me toward the door before I can cause more of a disturbance. 

Alright, I guess now all I can do is hope the person with information hates my father as much as most other people in the underground. Then it's just a matter of beating him. I should be okay as long as I stay away from any knife that person may bring. Just in case he also enjoys poisoning his blade. 

I quickly make my way back up to the surface, eager to get away from this place. As soon as I reach the exit I take a deep cleansing breath, loving the feel of the cool evening air. 

"Good evening, (y/n). Breaking curfew?" 

I practically jump out of my skin when I saw Hange standing there by the entrance, "Late night?" She asked, frowning down at me. 

This isn't good, Hange never frowns down on people... I'm really in trouble now. 

"Good evening, Hange. Invading anyone's privacy?" 

"I wouldn't have to be nosy if you would just tell me what is going on with you." She retorts. 

"It's nothing that has anything to do with the scouts, so you can lose interest." I grumble to her, knowing that's not going to be enough. 

"If it truly is nothing to worry about, why not tell me?"

"Because I am under no obligation to do so."

I walk past her to my horse and untie him quickly so I can head back to HQ. Hange quickly follows and hops up onto her own horse.

Why was she insisting to follow me? I haven't seen her since I was in her office this morning. How did she know I would be here? She had to have followed me from HQ, how else would she know I was heading to the underground? 

Did she follow me for a bit into the underground too, or has she just been waiting for me up here the whole time? 

"Please (y/n)," I hear Hange say from next to me, "I just want to help, whatever you're going through I can help. Just tell me what it is." 

"You can't help me, Hange," I say quietly, "No one can, I have to do this myself." 

"What did Thompson do?" 

"Nothing that affects you." 

It was getting harder and harder not to say anything to her. I was fighting with myself. Part of me wants to open up and tell her everything, because I feel like I'm going crazy keeping things to myself. 

But no one's focus should be on me, it should be on finding the female titan's accomplices. I don't want to take any attention off of that and put it on me. Although, at the same time, focus is still on me whether I talk or not. 

"Should I just go ask Dr. Thompson then?" Hange interrupts my thoughts. 

My fists clenched on the reins tighter as I think about Peter, "Do what your conscience dictates." 

I urged my horse faster to make it more difficult for Hange to speak to me. Thankfully she doesn't say anything else for the duration of the trip back to HQ. 

After I reach the stables and tend to my horse I decide to make my way to the Mess Hall. I don't know what Hange is planning, but I'm not going to stand around and wait for her to talk to Peter. 

I decide to go and get some tea and just sit quietly. After making my tea I head into the Mess Hall and I'm surprised to see Ymir sitting there by herself. How strange, what is she doing here? 

She sees me and I'm even more surprised when she gestures for me to sit with her. Weird... I jokingly look around me as if I were trying to find who she was pointing at, then I look back at her, "You know I'm not Christa, right?" Not an unreasonable thing to ask considering she usually avoids spending time with anyone who is not Christa. 

"Shut up and sit down." She smirked at me. 

"Alright." I relent and walk over to her table. 

"Hey." She greeted me with a nod as I sit across from her.

"Hey," I repeat back to her, "What are you doing up? Aren't you apart of that group that is heading out early tomorrow?" 

"Yeah, but I couldn't sleep. I haven't seen that hood for awhile." She laughs at my still hooded head. 

"Thought it was about time I took it out again, I don't want to completely let go of my identity as (y/n/n). So many good memories." I joke as I shrug my shoulders. 

"Sure sure, and what happened to your head?" She asked me. 

Ah, she must be referring to the mark I got from being slammed down onto the ground. I don't know why people bother asking to be honest, it seems like I'm always injured, you think people would just be used to it. 

"I fought the floor and the floor won. But it's not fair, the floor has gravity on its side too." I sigh, rubbing at the dried blood on my forehead. 

Ymir studies me carefully and it's making me a little uncomfortable if I'm honest. Why does she care? Ymir has a one track mind when it comes to people, and I'm not on it. 

"You've been acting weird today," She commented, "You've been overly nice to people and going out of your way to talk to people." 

"Human beings require a certain standard of human to human interaction, we are a social species after all. Also, why do you care, Ymir? As we have already covered, I am not Christa so you can lose interest." 

"You're an interesting person." 

"Fine, you got me," I raise my hands dramatically, "I'm in love with Christa too. I'm trying to be nicer in hopes she'll come to find she is more attracted to fake nice." 

"So you're admitting that you're not being genuine." Ymir notes. 

Damn, she got me there. To be honest, I don't know why I was pretending to be more happy and candid with people today. Maybe I'm trying to put up a front so people won't ask me what is wrong. Truthfully I feel like I'm going to throw up and cry all day, but I guess I'm overcompensating a bit. 

"You know, if something is bothering you, you can tell me. It's not like I would care enough to tell anyone," She pushes, "You look like you have something you want to get off your chest." 

"Aw, Ymir! You're too kind! What will people think? Fake nice is my facade, I'm not giving up on Christa. You can't stop our love!" 

I expect to at least see a smirk from her, but her face remains expressionless. I sip my tea in silence trying to get a read on her. She stares into her own mug of tea, seemingly lost in thought. Is she scared of the mission tomorrow? 

"What are you afraid of, Ymir? I've never pegged you to be the type to be afraid of going out into the field. It didn't bother you last time you went out." I remark, trying to keep the focus off of me. 

"More things have happened since then. People are turning into titans and are wanted." Ymir replied quietly. 

"Well yeah, we don't exactly know their motives, other than kidnapping Eren. At least with him, his motives are clear. Don't worry, no one is going to go after Historia." I comment, trying to reassure her, but failing. 

"Who?" Ymir narrows her eyes at me. 

Wait, why did I say that? I meant to say Christa, but I said Historia instead... I mentioned that name in that memory I had not that long ago... What is going on...?

"(Y/n)," I look behind me to see it was Hange calling to me, "Thompson is not here, come with me." 

"What did you do to make Hange use her serious voice?" Ymir chuckles at me. 

"I'm sleeping with Moblit, shhh." I press my fingers to my lips. 

"Please," Ymir laughs, "You would eat that man alive." 

Hange gently pulls on my arm to prompt me faster, "Come on, (y/n). You won't talk to me, maybe you'll talk to Erwin." 

... Shit. 

Erwin's POV 

None of the names on this list are jumping out at me, but I guess at the same time it's not like I know them very well yet. It's far too likely that there are names on this list that are accomplices to the female titan. 

I suppose the best thing to do is figure out where exactly Annie Leonhart is from, and see what other cadets may have come from there as well. 

"Commander Erwin," I hear knocking at my office door, "It's Hange." 

"Come in." I sigh, putting the list back on my desk. 

Hange let's herself in and to my surprise drags (y/n) with her. I tried not to smile when I saw her, I wanted to at least try and remain professional while Hange is here, "Good evening," I greet the women, "What brings you here?" 

"This one." Hange pushed her forward. I was a little surprised by Hange's frustration toward (y/n), what has she done for Hange to act like this? 

I look at (y/n) closely and I see a fresh gash on her head, "Really, (y/n)?" I sigh heavily at her, "What have you got into now?" 

"Um... In my defence," (y/n) says, blushing ferociously, "I don't want to point fingers, but Hange did leave me unsupervised, so..." 

As frustrated as Hange seemed to be with (y/n), it's difficult to remain angry with her. She smiles sadly at (y/n), "It's not funny, (y/n)," Hange directs her attention to me again, "I followed her and she snuck into the underground." 

I narrow my eyes at (y/n) who is refusing to meet my gaze, "I wasn't able to follow her all the way," Hange continues, "I lost her pretty quickly in the crowd down there, so I waited by the entrance she went in until she came out. Maybe she will talk to you about it." 

Hange salutes me and walks back out of my office, closing the door behind me. 

"Sit." I tell her sternly as I get up from my chair. She obeys without hesitation, still refusing to look at me. 

I let a frustrated sigh out as I stare down at her, "Wait here." 

She waits quietly as I go to my bathroom and get supplies to clean her wound. What am I going to do with her? How many times have I asked myself that question anyway? 

Why would she go to the underground? It's dangerous for her to be down there, right? So why do it? What is she after? When she first came to the scouts, one of her main goals was to stay far away from the underground, so what has changed? 

I walk back into my office and get to work. (Y/n) remains silent, deep in thought about something. I would give anything to know what she is thinking, but I know she won't tell me. 

"Why were you in the underground, (y/n)?" I finally ask her. 

"Avoiding ambiguous questions," She smirked, "But I'll leave it up to your imagination." 

"(Y/n)-" 

"You don't want to do this, and neither do I, so let's just not. I had some business down there, that's all." 

I grab her chin and tilt it up to force her to look at me, I see fear in her beautiful (e/c) eyes, there's also pain and uncertainty. She's holding back, she doesn't want to burden me with something. She's worried about how I will react. 

"What's wrong?" I ask her, stroking her jaw with my thumb. 

"I-" She pauses and gently places her hand on mine, but suddenly I feel tremors coming from her hand. 

She lowers her hand in a hurry, placing it firmly back in her lap. I remove my hand from her face and grab the hand that was jerking. It stopped when I grabbed it, "Burden me," I beg her quietly, "Just tell me what's going on. I can't help you if you don't tell me." 

She licked her lips nervously and looked like she was about to confess, but she bit her lip and stopped herself.

"I need to shower," She sighed, "I feel like I still smell like the underground. You don't mind if I use your shower, right?"

Her tone has changed completely, now her voice is low and seductive, and she's looking at me with lust instead of fear or sadness. 

Damnit, I know what she's doing, and it's going to work, I already know. She is going to seduce me so I'll stop asking questions, and I know I will give in to her. 

My resolve is strong except when it comes to her. I watch her as she stands up from her seat and walks toward my bedroom. On her way over she started to disrobe. 

I see a smirk on her face as she looks over at me one more time before disappearing through my bedroom door threshold. 

It's no use, I have to follow after her, I crave her and she knows it. I get up and walk after her, removing my tie and jacket as I go. 

I close the door to my bedroom behind me and head into my washroom. (Y/n) was standing there waiting for me. I feel a deep growl forming at the back of my throat as she stares up at me with those eyes of her's. 

She smiles up at me and walks toward me, hands reaching out to undress me. I grab her wrists to stop her and offer her a smirk of my own, "I don't think so, you denied me the pleasure of tearing off your clothes, why should I allow you the opportunity?" 

"Because you love the feeling of my hands on your body." She says, removing my hands from her wrists, "Sure, you could tease me and undress yourself, but where is the fun in that?"

She arches one of her eyebrows and reached up to start unbuttoning my shirt, but I don't stop her this time. She's right, I do love her soft hands roaming my body. She knows I don't have the will power when it comes to denying her what she wants. 

Hange's POV 

Alright, now that I have (y/n) distracted I can go talk to Levi. I knew if I brought (y/n) to Erwin he would distract her for now. Levi is the one I need to speak with when it comes to (y/n) and the underground. 

I knock quietly on Levi's office door but don't bother waiting for his reply to enter. He was sitting at his desk, glaring up at me as usual, "What is the point of you knocking if you're just going to walk in anyway?" 

"I figure you'll be annoyed by my presence no matter what, so why bother with formalities." I reply with a shrug. 

"What do you want, Hange?" He demands. 

"I'm here about (y/n)." 

I notice a flash of longing in his eyes when I mention (y/n)'s name to him. Wow, this woman really does have them wrapped around her finger. 

"What about her?" Levi mumbled in response, trying to sound uninterested. 

"She's in trouble and she won't let anyone help her. You went with her when she saw her family, correct?" 

"Yeah, why?" I can see Levi growing more and more concerned. Definitely different for him, I've never seen his 'concerned' face before. 

"Who spoke with her last before you guys left?" 

"Her oldest sister, Hange-" 

"Did she say what they talked about?" I interrupt him.

"No, but she was in a hurry to leave, then she went to talk to Thompson." 

"And when you were with her after, did she say anything about what they talked about?" I pressed. 

"No, she wouldn't answer any of my questions. Where is she?" 

"I left her with Erwin, I needed to talk to you, uninterrupted." I answer him. 

I see jealousy flash in his eyes, oops. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that, "I need her distracted so I could come talk to you." I remind him. 

Levi narrows his eyes even more at me, waiting for me to continue. But he won't be patient long, I can tell if I don't get to my point he's going to rush out of his office and go get (y/n) himself. 

"I followed her after she left earlier this evening, and she went to the underground." 

Levi's eyes went wide, "What? Why? She's been avoiding going to the underground because it is too dangerous for her." 

"It would appear the risks don't matter to her anymore. I don't know what she was doing, I lost her pretty quickly and I don't know my way around down there. So I waited for her by the entrance." 

"Why did you start following her all of a sudden?" He asks me suspiciously. 

"Her sister came in to talk to me, she expressed some concerns about (y/n)'s health and about her relationship with Thompson." I answer. 

Levi sighs and points to the chair across from, "Tell me what you know, I'll figure out what she's up to underground." 

I make myself comfortable in the chair he gestured for me to sit in and get ready for a long night.


	36. Chapter 36: Questions (Lemon)

*Warning: Lemon in the beginning of the chapter. If you want to skip it, just scroll past Author's POV to the next POV.• 

Author's POV (Lemon) 

You figured since it wasn't your first time with Erwin you would be less nervous. But you quickly realized that was not true. 

Your fingers still trembled slightly as you unbuttoned his shirt. You knew his eyes were on you, making you feel hot but still nervous at the same time. 

When you finished with the buttons you slowly slid the shirt off his shoulders. You didn't think you could ever get tired of seeing Erwin without a shirt on. 

His body is hard and hot to the touch, and you can feel his heart beat faster. As much as Erwin tries to keep his composure, he finds it very difficult, especially when you take things slow. 

If he had it his way he would already have your back against the wall, fucking you senseless. But he let you take your time, savouring the feeling of your soft hands roaming his body. 

As you ran your hands up and down his body you lightly scratched your nails against him, making him shiver and bite his lip to keep himself from groaning too loudly. 

Watching his reaction gave you a devious smile. He'll always try and maintain his composure, but that's fine with you. It makes it all the more fun to make him break it. 

You decide to tease his nipples with your mouth as you slowly unbuckled his pants. He stiffened even more, he hadn't really had anyone do that to him before. But he had to admit to himself that he did quite enjoy the change. 

You pushed him back so he was leaning against the door, and your mouth started working its way down his abdomen. Erwin starts breathing more heavily in anticipation of your sweet mouth being closer and closer to his lower region. 

"(Y/n)," He groaned your name, making you feel even hotter and more impatient, "Please." 

You smile sweetly up at him and finish removing his belt and pants. A sigh of relief escapes his lips as his massive hard member is finally released. 

Backing away from him, you finally unhook your bra with your back to Erwin, denying him the view he craved of your breasts. You smile seductively over your shoulder at your lover and turn on the water to the shower. 

Erwin was mesmerized by the view in front of him as you bent over and slipped out of your panties. He started stroking himself as he watches you tease him by running your hands over your body. 

"Erwin," His cock twitches as you call his name, "Please, I need you." 

You didn't have to tell him twice, with your permission, he was on you in an instant. You squealed as he lifted you up by your ass and slammed you into the wall of his shower. 

His lips claimed your's, tasting you and leaving traces of himself everywhere. The feeling of Erwin's warm body against you, the cold of the shower wall and the warm water running over the 2 of you felt amazing. 

You had to break away for air, giving Erwin a chance to suck and nip at that sweet spot on your neck and throat, "Ahh, mmmm-" You tried to stifle your moans from getting too embarrassingly loud, but Erwin would not have it. 

"No, let me hear you, (y/n)," He growled at you, "Do you think I care if some soldiers hear how good I make you feel?" 

You felt your face, no, your entire body go red. You always act confident at first, but Erwin has a way of making you feel shy with his words. 

Erwin's lips started travelling further down to reach your sternum, sucking harshly between your breasts. 

With one hand holding up your full weight, he uses the other one to travel closer to your aching womanhood. 

His fingers slowly tease your area making you groan in frustration at his teasingly slow pace. He slides a finger in as he bites down gently on one of your nipples. 

You moan as you wrap your arms around him tighter, wanting to feel his body even closer to your's. You loved the way his large body just enveloped your much smaller one. 

Erwin wanted to tease you more, but he was growing more and more impatient himself, especially hearing your sweet moans. He couldn't wait any longer. 

He steadied you by putting both his hands on your ass and pressed you even more against the wall as he eased into you.

You pull his lips back to your's breathing sharply from the feeling of Erwin stretching you. You didn't know if you would ever get used to that feeling, but you took the pain because you knew you would get used to it quickly, and it would be replaced by intense pleasure. 

Erwin groaned deeply into your mouth, sending shivers throughout your body. He waited for you to signal him to continue when you were ready. But it was difficult having your tight walls squeeze him and him not being able to bounce you up and down on his cock. 

Eventually you rocked your hips against him, desperate for him to move, and without pause he begins slamming in and out of you. 

"Fuck," Erwin moaned in your ear, "So fucking good, (y/n)." 

You started attacking his neck and throat with your lips, wanting to leave your mark on him. His fingers squeeze your ass tighter and tighter as you find his sweet spot on his Adam's apple. 

The taste of him made you moan even louder, sending vibrations throughout Erwin's throat. He growled again and pulled on your hair to jerk your head back, giving him better access to your neck. 

Erwin smirked to himself when he started purposely slowing his pace to drive you even crazier. Payback for you teasing him earlier. 

"Erwin," You whined, "Please." You couldn't look at him, you knew you were probably making extremely Lewd faces, and you were still embarrassed by it. Plus, you were finding it hard to concentrate when you still felt Erwin's cock move slower and slower. Making you whine in frustration, desperate to feel him fill you again. 

"What happened to the confident seductive young woman who likes to tease her commander?" He teases you in a low voice. He had to admit that he did enjoy this side of you too. He loved when you were being a confident tease, but he also loved when he broke your barriers down to see that shy almost insecure side of you.

"(Y/n)," The way he said your name sent chills throughout your body, "Look at me." 

"I can't," You say quietly, "It's embarrassing." You admit. 

"Why?" He chuckled, "It's only me." 

"'Only you?' You're wrong, it's because it is you." You just had so much respect for the man before you, it was embarrassing to you to show him your more vulnerable side. Plus the confusing personal feelings you feel for Erwin weighs on your mind as well. 

"There isn't a side of you that you could show that I wouldn't want to see," He reassures you, offering you a genuine smile, "I want to see everything." 

He lets go of you with one hand to bring it to your face. You look up at him with wide eyes as his hand begins to travel down your body. His touch sent electricity pulsing throughout your body. 

Erwin stops to palm your breasts, "Don't look away from me, (y/n), seeing that beautiful face of your's arouses me even more." 

You bit at your lower lip at his alluring words, meeting his piercing blue eyes with your (e/c) ones. 

His hand continues further down to your lower region, using his thumb to put pressure on your clit as he watches your reactions. 

You started to breathe heavier and your nails dig into Erwin as you moan loudly as shocks of pleasure radiate through your womanhood. He memorizes your reactions, every facial expression, every twitch, everything. 

"Never hold back on me, understand?" He used his authoritative voice as he whispers in your ear, sending more shivers down your body by his deep voice. You nod enthusiastically, desperate for him to continue. 

"What do you want, (y/n)?" He asks, pulling back again so he can look at your face, still slowly pumping himself in and out of you. 

You found forming words difficult, "You." 

"That won't do," Erwin smirks, "What do you want me to do?" 

He was teasing you again, "I want you to fuck me." You moaned, trying to grind yourself against him. 

"Say my name, (y/n)." He demanded. 

"I want you to fuck me, Erwin." 

You yelped as you felt his large hand give your ass a firm slap, "Louder." He growled lowly. 

"Please fuck me harder, Erwin!" 

This seems to have pleased him as he obliges by pounding harshly into you at an inhuman pace. Erwin could tell you were close by the way your walls began to squeeze him tighter, "God, (y/n)," He breathes heavily, "I'll never get tired of fucking you senseless." 

He captures your lips with his again, wanting to feel your moans reverberate in his mouth as you reach your peak. 

You tangle your fingers through his wet blonde hair and moan even louder at each powerful thrust. 

You feel that familiar coil in your core as you reach your end. That warm wave of euphoria crashes into you as you murmur Erwin's name, legs spasming as he continues thrusting into you as he closes in on his own release. 

The feeling of you squeezing him even tighter and the way you moaned his name was too much for him. He bit down on your shoulder, stifling his loud grunting and groaning as he releases into you. 

After you both catch your breath, Erwin places you gently down in the shower and you begin to wash each other's bodies. 

"Never get tired of fucking me, huh?" You tease him as he passes you soap, "High praise coming from you." 

"I'm nothing if not honest." He smiled down at you, watching you soap up your body. 

"Again?" You giggle as you stare at Erwin's member that has become fully erect again as he watched you. 

"It's your fault," He shrugs, "Stop being so alluring." 

"You really want to go for round two, huh?" You smirk at him, "Not too tired, old man?" 

"Careful," He replied, "Or you're going to be in for a rough ride." 

'Ooo,' You thought to yourself, 'Yes please!' 

You quickly finish showering and wait impatiently for Erwin to finish. 

Watching the soap wash off his body was starting to drive you insane. You didn't care if your legs still felt weak, or that you were still sore, you wanted him now. 

You surprised him when he felt your hands begin to roam his body, your confident side coming out again, "I was polite enough to let you finish showering," He chuckled, "Won't you grant me the same courtesy?" 

"Nope." You respond, running your hands down his abdomen, pushing your breasts against him as you go down. 

He does try to resist you as you tease him further, but you both knew he can't. He reaches behind you to turn off the water and he lifts you up and carries you over his shoulder. 

You giggle in delight at his slightly rough handling of you. Erwin threw you down onto his bed and climbed on top of you. 

He kisses you roughly at almost bruising pressure, biting at your lip to gain access. But you decide to tease him and deny him the access he craves. 

Erwin surprises you by squeezing your breasts harshly making you gasp, giving him the opening he wanted. He slipped his hot tongue into you, leaving you breathless when he refused to break away to allow you to breathe. 

He reaches his hand down to play with your sensitive folds, "Already so wet for me," He breaks away from the kiss to stare at you, "How do you want it, (y/n)?" 

He enjoyed watching you go red at his question, but he was surprised when you actually answered him right away, "Rough." 

Erwin grins down at you and flips you over. He lifts your hips up to meet his and grabs your wrists to hold them behind you. 

He was able to hold both of your wrists with one hand as he steadies your hips with his other hand, "As you wish." 

Without warning he thrusted harshly into you, stretching you mercilessly. You gasped loudly at the sudden intrusion, he hit deep at your sweet spot almost instantly. 

"Oh fuck," Erwin grunts, "I love your tight little pussy." 

Each thrust was powerful and sent intense pleasure coursing throughout your body. At this angle his cock goes deeper and deeper. 

Erwin watches your ass as he thrusts faster and harder into you, making him growl lowly and grab at it roughly. 

"Mmmm Erwin," You moan into the bed sheets, "Oh you feel so good."

You're starting to see stars, your climax rushing to you quickly as Erwin hits all the right areas. 

"Erwin," You turn your head to look back at him as best as you could with him holding your arms, "I'm going to-" 

He looks down at the sweet sight of you straining to look back at him, seeing you like that was driving him wild. He released your wrists and leans over to groan in your ear, "Do it, cum for me, (y/n). Tell me how good it feels." 

You moan louder as he bites gently at your earlobe and works his lips to the back of your neck, "It feels fucking amazing, ahhh!" You gasp as you once again become undone by him, feeling like you're about to collapse from the feeling of ecstasy washing over you. 

Erwin doesn't last much longer when your walls contract and squeeze him tighter once again, "Fuck," He grunted, "Mmmm, yes, ahhh-" He releases inside you, filling you up and making you feel even more satisfied. 

He lets go of you and collapses next to you, breathing heavily, extremely satisfied. After you catch your breath you move to get up, but Erwin grabs your arm and stops you. 

"Stay." 

You raise an eyebrow at him, "Is that a command, sir?" 

"Yes." He replied simply. 

You know you probably shouldn't, it's not a good idea, you don't need to feel even more attached to him than you already feel. But you can't say no. 

You giggle and allow him to pull you back down onto the bed. He wraps his arms securely around you and pulls you closer to him. He falls asleep almost instantly, comforted by your warm body and presence. 

You relax into his arms, enjoying the body heat radiating off of him and his hard body pressed against you. 

It doesn't take long for you to also drift off to sleep. 

Your POV (Dream) 

Judging by the houses and the fact that I can easily see the sky, I am walking down a street somewhere within Wall Sina. It was dark and the streets were deserted. 

I walked up and down the streets enjoying the quiet and peaceful evening. Is this an actual dream or another memory? Nothing seems familiar so far. 

Suddenly the stillness and quiet of the streets is interrupted when I head a quiet whimper, barely noticeable. Had there even been a cricket chirping, I would not have heard it. 

I rush over to where I heard the noise, it seemed to be coming from behind a waist height wall of bushes. I push my way through the bushes and I'm shocked at what I see. 

It was a girl, she looked like she was either 15 or 16. Her body was bruised, broken, bleeding and swollen. I didn't recognize her, her face was swollen and her eyes were closed. Her hair was matted with blood, since it was dark out it made it hard to distinguish what colour hair she had. Her mouth was slightly open and quiet squeaks were escaping her. It almost looked like she was screaming. 

"Help!" I yell, trying to get anyone's attention, "Please! I need help!" 

I look up and down the streets and see no one, this isn't good, "I'll be right back." I tell the small girl on the ground, I don't even know if she can hear me or if she is even fully conscious. 

"HELP!" I run down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one responds to me. I tried running to houses with soft candlelight shining dully from windows. But it didn't matter how many times or how loudly I knocked, no one came. 

I race back to where I left the girl to check on her, on my way there I can hear hushed male voices where the girl is. 

"Stop, there is no point asking anyone else for help," I heard a male voice say, "They would have heard her scream hours ago. They know better than to get involved."

As I move closer, 2 hooded figures come into view standing over the girl, "Is there even any point trying to save her?" One of them said, "I mean, look at her. She's as good as dead the way I see it." 

"Trust me, he wants this one alive, and we'll get a nice pay check for returning her," The other man answered, "If you're going to stay up here, you're going to have to learn the rules." Now that I can hear his voice more clearly, I realize it sounds like Kenny. 

"Hey!" I try to get their attention, but they show no signs that they have heard me. What the hell is going on?

"Kenny!" I yell as I'm only a few feet away from him, but still no answer from him or the other man that is with him. 

I was growing more and more frustrated, how can they ignore me like this? I'm just trying to help. 

"Try to be gentle," Kenny says to the other man as they stand on either end of the girl, "We don't want to make anything worse than what it already is." 

The men bend down to pick up the small girl, unfortunately for the girl she did not seem to be unconscious. She could only manage a squeak in place of a scream as the men lifted her off the ground. 

"Careful you asshole! Look at her!" I shriek at the men, but they continue to act like they do not hear me. How could they not?! I'm literally screaming in front of their faces. 

"..." The girl in the men's arms seems like she is trying to speak. 

"What's that, love," Kenny chuckles, completely unsympathetic, "Can't quite hear you, probably some fluid in your lungs." 

"Kill... me.." My heart broke for the girl as she was finally able to form words. 

"Sorry, Peitho, can't do that, you know that." He answers her and leads the way down the cobblestone streets. 

Peitho? No, it can't be... That was me? How could I have survived that? It was hard to believe, but it was me. 

My surroundings change and I'm laying on a table in a brightly lit room. I can't see very well, my eyes were swollen and almost completely shut. But I could see a little bit. I was in what appeared to be an exam room, I could hear voices around me. 

"You're going to have to change your rules a bit or deny him access to her," A male voice said, "He went too far, how do you expect me to save her?" 

"I don't care what you have to do," My blood went cold when I heard this voice, it was unmistakably Laurie, "We have put a lot of work and resources into her. I want her fixed, I don't care how you do it." 

"It isn't right!" The other male voice answers, "We have not had any success with any of the other subjects! There is no evidence our formula will save her from this! We need to save the real spinal fluid when we know it will work, we are running low!" 

"Maybe she'll have a different reaction," Yet another male voice says, this one also sounds familiar, "She has already been injected with our original formula, and she has done very well where others have failed. Maybe she will have a better reaction than the other test subjects." It was Peter, I recognize it now, meaning the other voice is probably Banning. 

"Explain to me how it will work," Banning rounds on Peter, "She has been bleeding into her abdomen for god knows how long, the experiments we have done haven't even been able to strengthen blood vessels, let alone repair them!" 

"We have to try something!" Peter fights back, "What do we have to lose? She has too much internal damage to be fixed by regular medicine, so she is dead if we do nothing, so we might as well try something!" 

"It's cruel! She has several broken bones, bruising and swelling everywhere and she can barely breathe! Keeping her alive and torturing her further is inhumane!" Banning yells back at Peter. 

"Thompson, take over," Laurie interrupts their argument, "Banning, come with me." 

I hear footsteps of the two men cross the room and exit. Peter walks closer to me and gently tries to turn my body a bit. I try to scream but no sound came out. 

"I'm so sorry," I hear Peter whisper to me, "Forgive me, (y/n)." 

(End of dream) 

I wake up screaming as I try to toss and turn but I'm being held firmly in place by Erwin, "Hey, it's fine, it was just a dream." 

It wasn't 'just a dream', it was another torturous memory. His arms are securely wrapped around me, the pressure he exerts helps me calm down a bit. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked carefully, probably fully aware I would reject the offer. 

"Nothing to worry about," I laugh nervously, "I just had a nightmare where Levi made me clean up all of HQ by myself." 

"Really? I was expecting you to come up with something wittier." Erwin chuckles. 

"Shut up, I just woke up." 

He sighs but doesn't push further, he knows I won't talk about it. He lays back down on his pillow and falls back asleep. 

Once I hear him breathing more heavily I know he is fast asleep again. I unwind myself from his grasp carefully, and am able to get away without waking him. 

What was with that dream? For some of it I was just watching it, not experiencing it until later... I don't remember what exactly happened to me back then, or who was responsible. It's safe to say it was one of Laurie's patrons though. 

I kind of remember lying in the grass, not being able to move. I was in so much pain that I just wanted to die. I remember Kenny finding me, but I don't remember who was with him... Is that significant? 

Whatever happened I have to set it aside for now, it's still pretty early but I'll get a head start on training. I need to be ready for tonight, I need that information on Digman. 

Time skip to after dinner 

Levi's POV 

It was definitely a long night with Hange last night. Even after going over everything we still don't really have a solid idea on what exactly (y/n)'s motives are for going underground. 

We are also still no closer to figuring out what's wrong with her. It's probably safe to assume it has something to do with her mother and whatever ails her side of the family. 

I've tried keeping my eyes on her all day, but I can only do that so much; I do have other things I have to do in a day after all. I'm also trying not to be angry with her, I know she was with Erwin last night... But I can't be mad at her, because she was up front and honest about her intentions... But screw it, I'm still mad. 

I look around the Mess Hall to see if I can see her but she doesn't appear to be here. Now that I think about it, it's been a few hours since I checked on her last. 

Erwin is here, so she isn't with him. She's angry with Thompson, so I doubt she is with him. The only places I can think of that she might be would be her room or the library, she doesn't really go anywhere else. 

For the next hour I'm speeding around HQ trying to find her, but she is no where to be seen, and no one else I ask has seen her for awhile. She's not in her room, the library, the kitchen, training grounds... I've looked everywhere I can think of. 

I don't think she would have gone to her house, she doesn't really have a valid reason to... I guess the only logical place to look next is probably underground. Even if I don't find her maybe I can figure out what she has been up to down there. 

I decide to leave HQ to head to the stable, but before I can reach it Hange catches up to me, "Levi!" I hear her call to me.

"What?" I round on her, "I'm busy." 

"I just got word," She said out of breath, "Titans were spotted within Wall Rose."

"Good thing there are already a group of skilled scouts out there to look for them," I shrug her off, not really phased by the news, "Is that all? I have to go."

"Going to look for (y/n)?" She asked quietly. 

"Yeah," I nod curtly, "I didn't see her around HQ anywhere, so I'm going to do some searching in the underground. I'll see if I can find her or find out what she is doing." 

"Alright," Hange sighs, "Good luck. I'll try and figure out what is going on with these sightings." 

She leaves me to make the rest of the way to the stable and I quickly grab my horse and saddle up. 

Titans within Wall Rose now, huh? Strange, there must have been another breach, that's not good. But hopefully they'll find the hole and maybe the titan brat can figure out a way to deal with it. 

I reach the entrance to the underground before long and pause. It's been so long since I have been down there, I thought I would never go back. But here I am, heading back to this shit hole to look for this elusive brat. 

Making my way down I can see the population underground seems to have exploded. Refugees from Wall Maria I suppose. 

I don't even know where to start down here, how the hell am I going to find her? Especially if she is concealing her identity. 

I walk up and down the streets looking carefully for her, but I see no signs of her anywhere. After about half an hour of searching aimlessly, I hear a lot of commotion coming from behind a rather grungier looking bar called, 'Der Untergrund'. This place looks familiar, I remember Kenny taking me here a few times when I was living with him.

I walk over around to the other side of the building to where I could hear voices behind the building. I see a rather large crowd of people packed closely together around what appears to be some kind of ring. 

I look at the building and see some crates piled next to it. I head over there and use the crates to climb up onto the roof so I can get a better look at what is happening. 

I saw that the ring was a raised platform enclosed by heavy bars. This must be a recent edition, I don't remember anything like this being here when I was last here. 

There were people standing around the ring pounding on the bars excitedly and shouting incoherently. There were 2 people in the ring, one was a large, bald, muscular man with no shirt and a dirty pair of pants. I freeze when I see the other participant in the ring. 

It was (y/n), she was only wearing a sports bra and a tight pair of black pants. Her hair was braided tightly against her scalp. I guess her goal is to make it more difficult for someone to grab at her head or clothing in a fight I imagine, same thought process as her opponent. 

She doesn't look so good, I can see she had a lot of bruises on her and some cuts here and there. But the man looks just as beat up as she did, so at least she is holding her own. 

I have to fight the urge to get in there and help her. But that wouldn't be a good idea, this seems to be some sort of organized event. If I were to intervene it will be harder on the both of us. 

Plus, I've seen her fight, I'm pretty confident she can handle herself. The man tries to lift her and slam her against the bars, but it doesn't work out quite the way he was probably expecting it to. 

Before she collided with the bars, (y/n) raises her legs quickly to prevent him from slamming her completely against the bars. Is he trying to push her fully against the bars so the people around the ring can grab onto her? 

They must have been going at it for awhile, the man was breathing heavily and sweat was dripping off of him. His legs began to shake from the effort of trying to pin (y/n) against the bars.

Looking at (y/n) she seemed to be in a similar state. She has probably been focusing a lot of her time in tiring the man out. It's a good strategy when you're someone her size going up against someone as big as him. I can see her legs shaking a lot from the effort of keeping him back. 

The crowd around me was roaring their approval, most of them were cheering for the man. I guess that is to be expected, I'm sure a lot of them want to see (y/n) dead. But I'm not too worried, (y/n) can handle herself, and she doesn't give into pressure. It's one of the many reasons I'm so attracted to her. 

(Y/n) holds the position they are currently in, her legs pushing against the bars and her body pushes against the man's chest as he has his arms wrapped around her. 

Ah, I think I can see what she is planning, I can see it too. He pauses slightly and takes the pressure off a bit before putting more effort into trying to force her closer to the bars. As I expected, she waits until he is about ready to push into her again, then she pushes hard off the bars into him knocking him off balance and he pulls her with him as he lands on the floor. 

They land with a grunt, the man on his back still clutching (y/n) to his chest, not letting her wiggle out of his grasp. (Y/n) turns her head to her right, I look to see what she is looking at. It's a knife, it doesn't look like her throwing knife, it must belong to the man. I guess that explains the cuts on both of them. 

She tries to use her weight shifting from side to side to make him loosen his grip on her, but he holds onto her tightly. I can see their mouths moving but I can't hear what they are saying because of the roaring crowd. But it's probably safe to say (y/n) is probably being a smart ass. 

The man roles with (y/n) and smashes her head on the floor of the ring. This is starting to look bad for her, I have to figure out something, I can't have anything happen to her. 

Your POV 

The last blow to my head was making me feel dizzy. Well, that didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to. 

"Just. Fucking. Die!" Stefan grunted, pounding my head against the floor of the ring with each words. 

"Oh yeah," I moan jokingly, "Harder daddy."

"Stop!" He practically screamed, unfortunately for him I'm having a lot of fun frustrating him further. But annoying him is working, I'm tiring him out more and more; I'm in this for the long haul. 

He sees me trying to reach for his knife that has been left on the ground for awhile now, after I knocked it out of his hand pretty earlier in our fight. 

Good, I knew if I brought his attention back to the knife at least it would make him lose his concentration on me for a second. 

Honestly, I'm getting just as tired as he is, we've been at it for at least half an hour. 

One of his hands let's go of me to reach for his knife that is just out of his reach. I take advantage of that right away. I turn myself around at lightning speed and kick him hard in the jaw. 

He grunts in pain as I can hear his teeth knock together hard, stunning him for a moment. It was enough time for me to get to the knife and kick his exhausted body onto the floor when he tried to grab at me. 

Too tired to fight with me anymore I sit on his back and pull his head back, knife held at his throat. 

I've been ignoring the crowd for the majority of the fight, most of them are screaming for my head, but now that I clearly have the upper hand I actually hear some people cheering for me. 

"Please," I hear Stefan whisper, "I'll tell you where he is, you don't have to kill me." 

"Nice try," I let the knife draw a little blood from him, "Uwe has the information for me after you die." 

"I got kids." He appeals. 

"Then why are you here?" I counter, "You don't win any money doing this, just information. How does that help your kids?" 

"Maybe, but there is a mighty high bounty on you, and that money would go a long way for my kids." 

"Not my problem." I'm about to finish him off, but I stop myself. The crowd around me is screaming for blood, it's unsettling. I'm not this person, I already won, he's too tired to get himself out of the situation he is in. I still have energy to fight on if I have to, he doesn't.

Technically I don't have to kill him, it's not stated in the rules that you have to kill your opponent, you can just knock them out. But it's just recommended that you do kill them. Otherwise there is a good chance they will come after you. 

"Come on," He interrupted my thoughts, "He is just outside of a large forest southwest of Wall Rose. Ride south from Krolva District and you'll find it." 

"That's within Wall Maria," I growl, pressing the knife against him harder, "Do you take me for a fool? Digman is living in titan territory? Bullshit." 

"It's true! I swear it." He insists. 

I look toward the entrance of the ring where Uwe is still standing, "Don't look at me," He smirked, "I won't confirm or deny shit until you make your decision." 

I bite at my lip nervously, what should I do? I don't want to kill him, I don't want to kill anyone. People in the crowd are just screaming for blood, no matter who's it is. 

I make up my mind, I won't contribute to the blood shed down here. Maybe it will come back and bite me in the ass later, but whatever, I'll probably be dead by then anyway. 

I make my decision and push Stefan away from me and walk toward the entrance of this weird bared in ring, giving him an opportunity to rush me if he felt like it. I kept his knife close to me just in case he tried anything. 

Uwe unlocks the cage and opens it to let me out. I turn and look over at Stefan again, he looks very defeated and the crowd isn't helping. They wanted bloodshed and death but they were denied it, so they were booing now. 

But I didn't care, I wasn't down here to entertain, I came for information and I got it, "Was he telling the truth," I ask Uwe as I walk past him. 

"Mhmm," He mutters, "Big forest, southwest outside of Wall Rose." 

"Terrific." I reply as I look back at Stefan again and throw him his knife back. He catches it and gets up. I half expect him to turn on me, but he didn't. He stormed past me and walked into the bar, avoiding the crowd. 

Must be tough for him to sell out Digman, apparently they were good friends before Digman relocated above ground to work for Laurie. But at the same time it didn't seem to be too hard for him to sell him out, he did offer up details on him after all. He fought quite a few people before me, so he hasn't had to cough up that information before tonight. 

"Here." Uwe gets my attention and passes me a generous bag of coins. 

"What's this for?" I squint my eyes at him suspiciously. 

"I've never had a turn out like this," Uwe smiles widely, "Let's just say the odds weren't in your favour when it came to betting. Everyone bet against you, except for 3." He chuckled. 

Really? Interesting... I wonder who actually bet for me to win.

"Thanks, but I don't need it." I wave away his offer. 

"Come on," He insists, "You'll need it for your hospital bill." 

"Is he known for poisoning his blade?" 

"No, not to my knowledge." 

"Then I'm sure I'll be fine." 

"Suit yourself," He sighs as he pockets the money, "You're annoying as fuck, but you certainly have a way in that ring. I've never seen anyone fight like you. You ever want to take your anger out on anyone else let me know, I'm sure you'll have a list of people who want to offer up information so they get a chance to fight and kill you." 

"I wasn't fighting out of anger." I protest. 

"Yes you were, I don't care what you're angry about, but it makes you a good fighter. I don't know what you have been through, but from what I have heard I would be angry too if I were you. You'll be back, I know it." He pats me on the shoulder and I shrug him off, "Sure, I'll let you know." 

I start to head toward the bar but he stops me, "Not through there, I'm sure you will get jumped going through there and onto the streets." 

He jerks his head to a small door leading into the ground hidden partially at the side of the bar by some crates, "Use that, it'll take you close to the entrance, you'll bypass the crowd." 

"Awww you're so sweet!" I gush playfully at him, "You know, I find you delightfully paradoxical, in a sense that you act like a big dick, but you're actually a little pussy!" 

"Get out of here before I take you into the ring myself." He growls, pushing me toward the small door. Underground under the underground... How fun. 

The tunnel smells musty and moldy, I have to cover my nose as it overwhelmed my senses. But I just endure it and quickly make my way down the narrow tunnel. 

I think I'll head out after training tomorrow to get to Digman. Why the hell is he outside of Wall Rose? I mean, sure no one is likely to go out looking for him there, but how is he surviving out there? I have a lot of questions. 

It doesn't take me long to reach the end of the tunnel and make my way quickly out of the underground, before my presence can cause more of an uproar. 

I find my horse and start heading back to HQ. At least Hange didn't follow me today. I ducked out of my window to avoid anyone seeing me walking through the hallways, and I think it worked. 

I was not expecting the bar to be as busy as it was when I got there. I guess word had gotten out that someone fighting had information on me. But I bet none of them were expecting me to actually be the one fighting. 

The look of shock on people's faces was pretty priceless. I was quite surprised no one tried to grab me on my way to the ring. But the crowd seemed to be more interested in watching someone kill me than killing me themselves, how nice of them. 

I won't lie, I was pretty intimidated when I met Stefan, he is almost as tall as Mike! He was bald so at first I thought he was also a part of that gang, but he didn't have the tattoo so I don't think he is. I knew tiring him out would work out for me in the end. I let him get jabs and cuts here and there to keep him confident. I should have brought my knife, but silly me, I thought I was going to be participating in a fair fight. 

But whatever, I won and now I have the information I need. I guess there is still no guarantee that he will be there, the information I have is just the most recent information on him. So it's important I head out as soon as I can, it will have to be tomorrow after dinner. 

I finally make it back to HQ and I am in a pretty good mood. Sure I'm sore and sweaty, but I won and showed those people I'm not someone to be messed with or underestimated. I think I'll have a shower then maybe head to the Mess Hall, I just want to sit, drink some tea and wind down. 

I gather my shower items and a change of clothes from my room and head to the showers. As I undress I examine myself in the mirror. None of the cuts will need stitches, but there is way more bruising than cuts. Great, how am I going to explain this to people? I'll just have to be sure to wear long sleeves, which is a part of the uniform anyway, so maybe no one will notice. 

I wince as I get into the shower under the warm water, my cuts sting as the water washed away dried blood and sweat. 

After I finish I dress in some casual clothes. It was a warm night, so I threw on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Everyone should be in their rooms, no one is going to be in the kitchen now. 

Levi's POV 

Sure, I'm proud of her for winning, but what the fuck is she thinking? I was about to fight my way to the ring to get to her before she made her move and got the upper hand over the guy. I need answers from her, so I followed her back at a distance as to not rouse her suspicion. 

I think tomorrow I'll go back underground and see what I can find out what that was all about. I wasn't able to hear any of the conversations going on with (y/n) as I was too far away, and I didn't want her to see me. 

But now, I don't know where she went. I lost her when I reached the stable, I couldn't bring my horse in while she was still in there. 

She was covered in sweat, blood and filth, so hopefully she went to shower. I tried walking down the hallway where the showers are, but I don't hear any running water. I know she is not in her room because I checked there first. 

God, this woman is frustrating. Maybe I'll just grab some tea and bring it to my office, try to figure out what to do next. I feel like this is going to be another long night. 

I reach the kitchens and I can hear rustling and occasional clanking. Who the hell else is up at this hour? I walk quietly toward the source of the sound, and a site I was not expecting greets me. 

It was (y/n), her wet hair was swaying around her as she danced to a beat no one else could hear. She was wearing form fitting shorts and a tank top, showing off her beautiful body. 

Her hips sway slowly then quickly as she jumps around the kitchen; she is certainly in a good mood. I can't help but stand there and watch her for a little while. Her movements are mesmerizing and I love to see that small smile on her face. She makes it very difficult to be angry with her. 

Her eyes are closed as she dances around, judging by the kettle it looks like she is waiting for water to boil. She even starts snapping and clapping to a beat of her own making.

She finally opens her eyes and sees me standing there leaning against the threshold. She jumps in surprise when she sees me, but she recovers quickly and makes her way toward me, still dancing. 

"What are you doing?" I smirk at her. 

"Dancing, obviously." 

"There's no music." 

"Sure there is," She smiles, "Up here." She points to her temple. 

"Brain tumour?" 

"No," She laughs, "But that would explain a lot, huh?" 

She's closer to me now, I can smell her familiar lavender scent and I can feel my breath catch in my throat. My thoughts about questioning her are wiped from my mind as she smiles at me and grabs my hands to place them on her waist. 

"Dance with me." She whispers seductively at me, making me shiver with anticipation. 

"There's no music." I repeat. 

"So?" 

She rubs her body against me making me have to bite back an audible groan. 

"Levi," She smiles sweetly up at me, "Do you want any tea?" 

"No." 

She squeals in delight as I pick her up by her ass and wrap her legs around me. I walk with her over to the counter and place her on it, keeping myself placed between her legs, "I want you."


	37. Chapter 37: (Lemon)

*Warning: this chapter contains a lemon section in the beginning. If you want to skip it, just scrolls past the Author’s POV*

Author’s POV 🍋 

You knew this wasn’t exactly the best place for this, but you didn’t really care. You didn’t want to wait and head to Levi’s room, you wanted him now, just as much as he wanted you. 

Levi presses his lips roughly onto your’s desperate for your touch. But you didn’t mind, you quickly allowed his hot tongue entrance to your mouth. The way he kisses you send shivers up and down your spine. 

He surprised you when he started sucking on your tongue, earning a low moan from you, “Quiet brat,” he muttered, “You don’t want anyone to hear you and come looking, do you?” 

You shake your head and pull him in for another kiss. You snaked your arms around his neck pulling him closer. ‘This could be interesting,’ You thought to yourself, ‘I wonder how long it will take for him to be the one who can’t keep quiet.’ 

You started grinding against Levi slowly, feeling a large bulge in his pants growing larger and harder at your movements. You pull away from his kiss to start sucking at his neck. 

Levi purses his lips, trying to fight back the groans that desperately want to escape his lips. You unwrap one of your arms from around his neck to travel slowly down to his lower body. 

He knew what you were trying to do, but he couldn’t stop you, or rather he wouldn’t stop you. As much as he knew how difficult it would be to keep quiet if you kept going, he craves your touch and would just do his best to bite his tongue in an effort to conceal the moans and groans that desperately want to be released. 

Your hand reaches the sizeable tent growing in his pants, making Levi breathe sharply. You run your fingers a long the outside of his pants very lightly brushing his clothed manhood. 

Levi growled lowly and grabbed at your hair to yank your head back roughly. He quickly started attacking your neck and collar bone with his lips, sucking and biting harshly making you inhale sharply. 

You unbuckle his belt in retaliation and force your hand into his pants after you undid his button, “Mmmmm, fuck-“ He moaned quietly into your neck as your soft hand gripped his throbbing rock hard member. 

That wouldn’t do, you wanted him to be louder. You slowly begin to stroke him as he starts palming your breasts through your shirt and bra. He starts rocking his hips, fucking himself into your hand desperate for more friction. 

Levi can’t take it anymore, he removes your hand from his pants and lifts your shirt over your head and takes off your bra. He steps back to admire you, making you blush a deep shade of red. 

“What?” He smirks, “It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” 

“I know,” You sigh, fingering a few strands on your hair, refusing to meet his lustful gaze, “I still get nervous though, especially around you.” 

“Oh?” Levi steps closer to you again, “Why is that?” 

You smile and bite your lip, “.... No reason.”

“Tell me.” 

“No.” 

You start to unbutton Levi’s shirt, finally meeting his steel gaze. You can see him flush ever so slightly as you continue to move painfully slow. When you finish with his buttons you move your hands up and down his body lightly. 

He bites his lip to keep himself from groaning again, but it’s difficult. He enjoys the feeling of your hands roaming his body, it drives him crazy. 

“You’ll tell me, even if I have to force it out of you.” Levi says quietly, and he swiftly lifts you off the counter and turns you around so that your back is to him. 

Your arms rest on the cold counter top as Levi pulls down your shorts and panties, “God, I’ll never get tired of this view.” You hear him comment from behind you, then he gives you a hard slap on your ass making you jump in surprise. 

You hear Levi unzip his pants the rest of the way and you waited excitedly for him to continue. 

A shiver goes down your spine as he takes his hands and runs them slowly up and down your body. He stops at your breasts first, he pinched your nipples and palms gently at them. You let out a moan that was a little louder than you intended, but you couldn’t help it. 

“What did I say?” You can hear the smirk on his lips, “Quiet.” 

One of his hands stays at your breasts while the other makes its way further down your body to your aching womanhood. Desperate for him to just fuck you already, you press your ass against his huge throbbing member. 

You earn a quiet groan from him, but he refuses to bend to your will. Instead of stopping at your pussy, his fingers travel to ghost along your thighs instead. 

“Tell me, (y/n),” Levi leans over you to whisper in your ear, “Why do you still get nervous around me?” 

You feel your body flush as he bites at your earlobe, making it harder for you to speak, “Levi,” You moan quietly, “Please.” You rub against him more, trying to distract him.

His fingers move closer to your core, but to your dismay still refuses to enter you. 

“Tell me first.” He demanded. 

You didn’t know what to say or how to say it, “You know why?” 

“I want you to tell me.” He insisted. 

“You just want to torture me!” You whine. 

“Yes.” 

You know he’s not going to let this go, so you finally relent, “I find it difficult looking at you in the eyes a lot of the time.” You admit. 

“Why?” His fingers creep closer to the place you want him the most, but you would have to admit more before he gives you what you wanted. 

“Because when I see you look at me like that my mind goes blank, and I can only think of certain embarrassing thoughts.”

“Like what?” 

“Like how you moan my name, how you look at me, how good you feel inside me, how whenever you look at me like that I just want to tear your clothes off and fuck you senseless.” You finally admit, whole body going red. 

“Good girl.” 

Levi finally starts fingering your folds, earning a loud moan from you, “Ahhh Levi-“ He growls and covers your mouth with the hand that was on your breasts. 

“Quiet.” He hisses as he quickly slides another finger into you, eager to get you ready faster for him. 

You thrust your hips on his fingers as he kisses you behind your neck and works his way down your spine. 

“Mmmm!” You moan into his hand as he uses his thumb to give your clit the attention you craved. 

Levi smirks at your reactions, you were trying to be quiet but the man knows how to make it very difficult for you. 

Unable to wait anymore, Levi removes his fingers from you and quickly thrusts his huge manhood into you. 

You gasped into his hand as he stretches you to your limit. Levi bites down on your shoulder, trying to keep himself from groaning too loudly. But the feeling of your tight velvety walls squeezing him feels too amazing to keep quiet. 

Levi thrusts deeply into you sending waves of pleasure throughout your whole body. You moaned into his hand even more. 

Levi grips your hip at bruising pressure, trying hard to stay quiet himself, but he was getting to a point where he no longer cares if the 2 of you were caught, “Fuck it.” He grunts as he removes his hand from your mouth, after all one of his favourite things was hearing you moan for him. 

You groan in protest when he removes himself from you to turn you around so that you’re facing him, back against the cold counter. He stares into your lust filled (e/c) eyes, mesmerized by them. 

He never wanted to look away from those eyes that send shivers up his spine, those eyes that can drive him to near insanity with want and need. 

He thrusts powerfully into you again, making you see stars as the coil builds in your core. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling his body closer to you. 

Your back is pressed against the cold surface of the counter as Levi pushes his upper body away from you so he could watch your reactions to his movements. Making him growl approvingly at the lustful expressions you were making. 

“Levi,” His grip tightens even more on you when he hears the way you say his name, “I want to touch you.” 

He obliged by leaning over you again, letting you roam his upper body with your hands. You lightly scratch at him as he increases the speed of his thrusts. He didn’t know how much longer he could last with your tightness engulfing him, sending him to a whole new level of pleasure. 

Your hands work their way around his neck again, pulling yourself up to start sucking and biting at it. Levi gasped at the sudden feeling of your lips on his throat. You start thrusting your hips up to meet his as he thrusted into you. 

“(Y/n),” He groaned, biting his lip, “If you keep this up, I won’t last much longer.” 

You smirked up at him and lower yourself a little more so you can kiss and nip at his nipples, earning a delicious moan from your lover, “God fucking damnit, (y/n).” 

You moan loudly into him as his powerful thrusting sends your nerves into overdrive as you meet your end. The coil in your core snaps, your legs spasm and shake as Levi continues thrusting into you, helping you ride out your orgasm as he comes close to his own end. 

After a few more thrusts he moans your name loudly and releases into you, your tight walls contracting around him proving to be too much for him to withstand. 

“So much for trying to keep quiet.” You giggle. 

You both snap out of your daze when you hear whistling to your left. But you both sighed with relief when you realize it was just the kettle, notifying you that your water was boiling. 

“Want that tea now?” You laugh as you turn toward the kettle, pulling your clothes back on your person. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi asked you, pulling his pants back on, “You don’t think I’m done with you, do you?” He made his way over to you again. 

“Ummmm, whoa!” You giggle as he lifted you up. He turned off the stove and walked with you out of the kitchen toward his office. 

When you reach his office he sets you down and turns to lock the door behind you. Once you heard the click of the door locking you take your shirt off again, ready for round 2. 

Levi smirks at your eagerness, but the light of the bright moon shining through the window off the fresh bruises you received from your fight in the underground made him pause. 

“Does it hurt?” He asked you quietly. 

“What? When I fell from heaven? I’ve heard that pick up line before, Levi.” You joke. 

“Shut up, idiot,” He sighed, “I know where you got those bruises from.” 

“Excuse me, I am topless,” You turn around to face him, “Why are we still talking?” 

“We need to talk about it.” Levi insisted. 

“Fine, talk,” You walk closer to him, “But my lips will be busy.”

You close the distance between the 2 of you and start kissing along his jaw.

Levi groaned in frustration, he knew he wasn’t going to get anything out of you right now. He knows he won’t be able to focus on getting to the bottom on what you have been up to. Not now anyway, he can’t keep himself focused when he can’t keep his hands off of you. 

He yanks your head back with a growl as he sucked harshly at your throat. He pushes you toward his desk, lips not leaving your skin. He picks you up by your legs as you wrap your arms around his neck. 

Levi sits in his chair and sits you on his lap, “Ride me.” He demanded. 

You bite your lip and give him a coy smile, “Yes sir.” 

Levi grew even harder when you called him sir, though he loved hearing his name from your lips he did quite enjoy hearing you call him ‘sir’ too. 

You hop off his lap and eagerly unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants enough for his large cock to spring out. You remove your shorts again and climb back onto Levi’s chair hovering over him teasingly. 

“How badly do you want me, Levi?” You whisper into his ear, biting at his lobe. 

“You have no fucking idea how bad I want you every second of every day, (y/n).” He groaned, running his hands down your body to your hips urging you to lower yourself down onto him. 

You oblige and slowly lower down onto him. You still have to work slowly to get used to his huge cock entering you again, plus you were still sensitive from your last encounter just minutes ago. Levi tried to be patient, his hands squeezed tightly on your hips as he moans at the feeling of your tightness consuming him again. 

“Oh fuuuuck, Levi.” You gasped as you lowered down all the way. 

“Kiss me.” He whispered. 

You were surprised by that command, when you looked at him you were even more surprised. When you had sex with Levi last, all you could see was lust and carnal desire. But now you saw longing, a different kind of desire and something else, something that you never expected to see from Levi Ackerman. 

But you pushed it from your mind as you bounced up and down on his cock faster and harder. 

“Fuck yes,” He groaned when you parted for air, “Fuck me, (y/n).” 

You rocked your hips even harder against him, earning the most beautiful of moans from your captain. His hands grip at your ass now, thrusting his hips up to meet your’s. 

The feeling of him sliding in and out of you more easily and the sounds of his grunts and groans was making you feel hotter and hotter. You knew you wouldn’t last very long in this position. Every time you lower yourself down on him he hits you deep and in all the right places. 

Levi pushes you back a little bit so he has a better view of your breasts, watching them bounce up and down. You pull his head closer to you, desperate for him to give your sensitive breasts more attention. 

He smirks as he kisses and sucks on your breasts as one of his hands plays with your other one. 

It felt like shocks of pleasure were pulsating through your body as Levi uses his other hand to rub at your clit, sending you into overdrive, “Levi,” You gasped, “If you keep doing that I’m not going to last, ahh-“ 

He silences you as he bites down on your nipple, “Good, come undone for me. Cum all over my cock and scream my name.” 

Motivated even more by his words you slammed yourself down on him harder, making him reach his limit faster too. 

You only lasted a few more thrusts before you reached your climax and felt that familiar warm wave of pleasure wash over you as your arms wrap tighter around Levi, “Mmmmm, Levi! Fuck!” 

“Fuck yes, baby,” He groaned loudly, “Again, say my name again.” 

He thrusted up into you hard reaching his own climax fast with your walls tightening around him, “Ahh, LEVI!” 

With you screaming his name it pushed him over the edge and he releases inside of you again, moaning your name over and over again. 

Your limbs went limp, exhausted from the day’s and night’s events, you couldn’t even remove yourself from Levi’s lap. You could fall asleep right there. 

“Carry me to my room?” You giggled quietly into his ear. 

“Stupid,” He mumbled, “You’re not going anywhere.” 

Levi lifted himself and you out of his chair and carries you to his bedroom. He lays you down gently, like you were made of glass and pulled the blankets over you. 

You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. He smiles at your sleeping form and quickly climbs into his bed and pulls you closer to him, “Goodnight, (y/n).” He kisses your neck one more time before falling asleep himself. 

Your POV 

(Dream) 

I was laying on my side on the hard stone floor of one of the dungeon cells. I tried to move as little as possible, everything in my body hurts. 

I heard the door to my cell open but I didn’t pay any attention to it, no energy left to care. 

“What the fuck, Kenny?!” I hear a man whisper angrily, “This is not what I agreed to!” 

“Don’t touch her!” I hear Kenny hiss at the man, “The last round of experiments had a bad reaction, she’s covered in bandages because her skin is really sensitive. Touch her slightly and she freaks the fuck out, and her screaming is going to bring everyone down here.” 

With the dim light shining in a little I can see I am facing the wall with my back to Kenny and whoever else came in with him. 

“You expect me to help you after this?” The other man growled at Kenny, “You can go fuck yourself you son of a bitch, you were supposed to be looking out for her!” 

“I think you’re confusing your responsibilities with mine,” Kenny countered, “I’m not the one who abandoned her. You told me to make sure she lives, look at her, living and shit. You said nothing about the quality of life. It’s your own fault for not being more specific, (l/n).” 

What the hell is my father doing here? He’s one of the last people I want to see, “Fuck you, Kenny. You know why I couldn’t be there.” 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, she’s alive, I’ve been fulfilling my end of the deal. I expect you to be ready when the time comes, you may be a piece of shit, but you’re a man of your word.” 

Just go away, I have a headache... Not just that, my whole body hurts. I hear footsteps coming closer to me and to my horror, a hand was placed gently on my shoulder. 

Immediately I shrieked in pain, the slightest touch sends my nerves into overdrive. It didn’t matter where the touch occurred, the pain was felt all over my body. It was unbearable. 

The hand is taken off me immediately, “Who did this to her?” My father asked quietly. 

“You know I’m not going to tell you that,” I could hear the smirk in Kenny’s voice, “I still work for Pearson, remember? I’m not jeopardizing that because you feel like you want to be a father all of a sudden.” 

“It’s funny that you’re judging me about my parenting practices, but what about your nephew? How is he?” My father countered. 

“Don’t know, nor do I really care. I taught the kid how to survive, that’s all I’m obligated to do.” 

Kenny has a nephew? I already feel bad for whoever he is. 

“Get... Out!” I try to say, but all I can manage is a couple of squeaks. 

“We need to go,” Kenny hisses, “We don’t have long before the guards make their rounds. You confirmed she is alive, now you have to go before they find out you are here.” 

“(Y/n),” I heard my father say quietly as he leaned toward me, “Just hang on, I’ll get you out of here when the time is right.” 

“Get... away.. from me!” I try to scream at him, but it doesn’t really work. 

My surroundings change from a dark dungeon cell to a brightly lit exam room. 

How strange, the walls down here seem to generate their own light. There are no candles or torches anywhere, just the light coming from the walls. 

I’m sitting up on an exam table with Peter examining me, “Well, at least you seem to be experiencing less pain.” He comments as he pokes at my skin. 

The slight touch still stings, but not as unbearable as it was. I look over Peter’s shoulder and notice Laurie is standing behind him. 

“Let’s try this again, who did this to you?” Laurie asked as he glares at me. 

I could feel my mouth move, but I didn’t know what I was saying, and I couldn’t hear it either. All I heard was a muffled voice with indistinguishable words. 

Laurie didn’t seem to like how I answered his question. Anger flares up in me as I smirk at his angry face as I refuse to comply with what he wants. He took a syringe and injected me with a dark liquid. As soon as it entered my veins I writhed and twisted in pain as every part of my body feels like it is on fire. 

Peter tries to hold me down so I don’t fall off the table, but his hands on me made the pain increase ten fold. I passed out from lack of oxygen, screaming too much to breathe properly. 

I blacked out for was probably a few minutes, Laurie is standing behind Peter again who is wiping sweat off my face. 

“Give her more.” Laurie growls at Peter. 

“Lawrence, you don’t want her to end up exactly like her mother. We are already playing with fire here. We have to be careful with the doses.” Peter replied cautiously to Laurie. 

“I don’t care,” Laurie rounds on Peter, “Do what you can to make sure she forgets. I’ll bring you a couple more subjects, practice on them first.” 

Laurie leaves the room leaving me alone with Peter, “You should have just lied,” He gives me an exhausted look as he scolds me, “He wouldn’t have made me do this if you had just lied. What are you doing, (y/n)? Do you want to die?” 

“He would know if I lied,” I protest, still breathing heavily, “Plus, it’s better than living with all of this.” I try to keep my composure as stoic as possible. 

Peter sighs and wipes at my face again, this time with a cold cloth to cool me down a little bit. 

“How do you do it, Peter?” I whisper to him. 

“Do what?” 

“How do you live with all the things you know, all the things you have done? How do you sleep? How do you breathe? How do you raise children? How do you go on like there is nothing wrong?” 

“Everyone has a reason for living, (y/n). You have to find your’s. Don’t worry, I’ll make you forget, it will make everything easier.” He said gently. 

“No!” I try to scream, but in the blink of an eye I was strapped down to the table with another needle going into me. 

(End of dream) 

I jerk awake from my dream, breathing heavily. Oh man, what was with that memory? I look toward the window to see how early it is. It does seem to be early morning, but the early morning sun seems to be hiding behind dark rain clouds. Maybe it will rain today. I’m confused when I feel some weight over my chest, I look next to me to see Levi still sleeping with his arm over me. 

I have to smile at him sleeping, no one sees him sleep, we just assume he does on the account of he is not dead. 

‘Stop staring, (y/n), no getting attached.’ Well there goes my original plan of not sleeping next to Erwin or Levi. But when they ask me to stay, I stay. I can’t say no. 

Lost in thought I start absentmindedly running my nails gently over the arm Levi has over me. That memory must have taken place after they saved me from whatever happened in that last memory. I guess not everything worked out as they had planned seeing as I seemed to have a negative reaction to whatever they tried. I guess already being injected with their titan experimental formula before kept me alive, albeit barely, from the bad reaction. 

I guess in the end it worked in their favour, I cannot remember who it was that did that to me. And why did my father show up with Kenny? What is their relationship? They have some kind of agreement going on, but what the hell could it be? 

What am I going to do today anyway? I need to get out to where Digman is at some point today. Should I try and leave earlier? Should I wait until night when titans are supposed to be less active? Maybe if it does rain today it will work to my advantage. It will be harder for Digman to hear my horse if the rain is pounding down. 

I freeze when I feel Levi stir under my touch. I have to be careful not to wake him, I don’t want him to continue questioning me like he tried to last night. And I can’t distract him right now, my body needs a break from sex. As good as it is, my body needs to recover. 

Did Levi know where I was yesterday? He didn’t seem surprised when he saw the extensive bruising and he didn’t ask how I got them, he seemed to already know. If that’s the case I should get out of here before he wakes up and can stop me from leaving. 

I was able to slink out of his grasp without waking him, he must be more tired than usual, probably my fault. It seems me trying to keep to myself and try not to worry anyone is having the opposite effect. 

It is still pretty early in the morning, so I can probably make it to the showers and eat quickly before I get found by Levi, Hange or Erwin. 

I slip back into my clothes and exit Levi’s room without waking him thankfully. My whole body feels so sore, my lower body hurt from so much sex and the rest of my body hurts from the fight last night. 

I make it to my room and the showers without running into anyone. I wonder what is going on, I expected to maybe run into a few scouts... Not that I’m complaining, it is better this way.. But it is still strange... 

When I head into the showers I’m surprised to see Mikasa there, I never run into her this early. She nods a greeting at me and I nod back at her, she is not one for small talk which is fine by me because neither am I. 

As I’m undressing I can feel Mikasa’s eyes on me, “Need something?” I raise an eyebrow at her. 

“What happened to you?” She asked me as she eyes my more bruised than usual body. 

“Ah, don’t be concerned with me. Eren walks around with bruises all the time and you don’t bat an eye.” I laugh nervously. 

“Eren gets into a lot of scuffles by nature,” Mikasa answered seriously, “You don’t get into fights, yet your body is bruised everywhere. Even when you do spar with people they barely touch you.” 

“Come on, Mikasa,” I sigh, “You are the last person I expect to care about me of all people. Anyway, you’re up earlier than usual, what is going on?” 

“You didn’t hear?” She raises her eyebrows at me. 

“No... What happened?” 

“There have been titans spotted within Wall Rose, another group of us is going out to see if the ones that went out with Mike’s group need help.” 

What? Titans within Wall Rose? How is that possible? Was there another attack by the Colossal titan no one knew about...? 

Something at the back of my mind is bothering me, but I don’t know what it is. It’s not the Colossal titan or the Armoured titan... But why am I so sure? 

“So that’s where we will be,” Mikasa pulls me out of my thoughts, “Hange is coming with us and I think Captain Levi. What’s wrong?” 

I felt my face go red when Mikasa mentioned Levi, that must be what she noticed, “Um, nothing.” I quickly hop into the shower and pull the curtain, “Good luck with that! Hope you find them quickly.” 

“Sure,” Mikasa answered in a confused tone, “Try not to get yourself hurt anymore, see you later, (y/n).” 

I hear her grab her stuff and leave the shower room. Well this isn’t good... But at least everyone will be distracted by this and I can slip away again undetected. 

I turn on the water and sigh with relief to feel the warm water over my sore body. Without warning my legs buckle and give out from under me once again. I shift my weight forward so I don’t hit my head by falling backward against the wall. Damnit, well maybe if this happens now it won’t later when I confront Digman. 

This is going to be a long day, sure I have killed people when my life is in danger. But I have never directly caused someone’s death who isn’t threatening my life. This is going to be difficult, but I have to do what I have to in order to learn what I can. 

I look down at the floor as I wait for the ability to move my legs comes back to me. I notice blood dripping onto the shower floor and gets washed away down the drain. Huh? Where is that coming from? I didn’t hurt anything from my fall.... 

I raise my hand to my face and feel around my head. My fingers move to my mouth and my nose, when I remove my hand I see blood. So that’s where it came from, my mouth? My nose? Both? What is happening? 

Erwin’s POV 

Hange’s group should be leaving soon, hopefully they find the hole quickly and get Eren to do what he can to fix it. 

The circumstances are definitely curious though. When the walls were breeched in the past 100s of people were witnesses to it. But in this instance no one has reported seeing anything, no Colossal or Armoured titan, nothing.

I wish I could go out with the group, but I have to stay here. Sometimes I wish I rejected the Commander position, I should be out there in the field. 

Well whatever the situation is I have full confidence that Hange will figure it out. As I head back to my office, as per usual my mind goes back to (y/n). 

I wonder where she is, I haven’t seen her at all since she left my bed. She is not part of the group that is going out to look for Mike’s group, so she has to be around here somewhere. Has she gone back down to the underground? I hope not. 

As I walk down the long corridor I stare out the window, the rain is beating heavily on the glass. Hopefully the rain won’t last that long, it may effect visibility for the groups. 

Despite the heavy rain, as I look out I see someone outside just standing there in the rain. I squint my eyes at the figure and see it’s (y/n). 

My heart always beats faster when I see her, what is she doing just standing out there? I head down the corridor the rest of the way and turned to head outside to join her. 

What’s on her mind? Why is she just standing there? I hope everything is okay... 

Not wanting to startle her I call out her name as I approach her. She stops looking up at the sky and turns her head in my direction. A smile appears on her lips when she sees me, making my heart leap a bit in my chest. 

“Erwin! It’s raining!” She exclaimed excitedly. 

I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm over the smallest of things, “Yes, you seem happy about it.” 

She nods excitedly, “I love the rain! When it rained while I was living in the underground it was not a pleasant experience. The rain water washed all kinds of filth into the underground. But above ground it’s so refreshing. I love the feel of it! I wasn’t allowed to go outside freely in the rain when I lived with Laurie. When I left I made it a habit to just stand and appreciate the fresh rain and the post rain smell.” 

“I suppose,” I reply, stepping closer to her, “I guess it’s something I don’t typically stop and appreciate.” 

“You have to learn to enjoy the small things, Erwin,” She smiles back up at the sky. “I won’t always be here to make sure you do.” 

I feel my blood run cold when she said that, what is that supposed to mean? “(Y/n),” 

She turns to look at me again, realizing what she had said and her eye go wide, “No, I - I - didn’t -“ 

“Commander Erwin!” I hear Hange call to me as she runs over. Damnit! Now isn’t the time for Hange to pull me away. 

“Hange, it can wait until -“ 

“It’s important, sir. I have to talk to you before I head out.” She interrupts me. 

I look away from Hange to look at (y/n) again, she looked relieved to see Hange interrupt. She may win this round, but I’ll get the truth out of her later, “Come find me later.” I say to (y/n) before leaving with Hange. 

“This better be good.” I mumble to Hange as we walk back inside. 

“Levi has some new information about (y/n), he was able to follow her better than I could since he knows his way around down there. She went back to the underground yesterday. Levi said she was in some kind of altercation. I’m just bringing you to talk to him before we go, maybe while we are gone you can do some more digging between meetings.” 

I haven’t spoken much with Levi, no more than what is required by our positions. We both know how the other feels when it comes to (y/n), but neither of us will say anything about it to each other. 

“Very well,” I sigh, “Let’s get there quickly.” I guess eventually we were going to have to talk about her with each other, it’s just easier to try and forget that they have their own little relationship similar to the one I have with her. It’s aggravating, but it is what it is, (y/n) made her intentions clear to both of us. But that doesn’t mean I like it, it’s definitely getting more difficult with my feelings only getting stronger for her. 

Your POV 

That was a lucky break when Hange came and grabbed Erwin. What I said just kind of slipped out, I didn’t mean to say that. If he was only a little suspicious about my health before, he is definitely very suspicious now. Way to go, (y/n), you are succeeding in making everything worse. 

I better leave now before they are done with their talk and he finds me again. I run through the rain toward the stable to quickly grab a horse. Hopefully there are not too many people there. But since Hange is occupied with Erwin for at least a little bit, I’m sure her group is waiting for her to finish her business before heading out. 

I was right, there was no one at the stable for the moment. I better not take my time though, I’m sure Hange won’t be long. Maybe it’s best if I don’t take my own horse, Hange or Levi may notice. I pick out one of the extra horses, of course I prefer my horse, he knows what I want before I even ask him. It’s fine though, I have a way with horses, I’m sure I’ll get along with this one just fine. 

My horse sticks his head out of his stall when he sees me walk past him with another horse. He nudges me on my way by, he almost looked offended that I dared to take another horse out. I give him an apologetic scratch on his nose and start saddling up the other horse in record time. 

I dash away from the stable and make my way away from HQ. I can’t go through Trost, the gate leading out to Wall Maria is blocked by the boulder Eren placed to stop the flow of titans. Best thing to do is probably what Stefan offered, head out of Krolva District. 

It is going to be a pretty long ride, but that’s just the way it is. I galloped across the wet land for quite a while before I reach the gate leading into Krolva District. 

I dismount the horse and call out to get the attention of one of the Garrison soldiers, “Hey! Open the gate!” 

I see a familiar face appear, it was Hannes, “Hey beautiful, what are you doing out there by yourself?” 

“Let me in!” 

He looks at me suspiciously, “A group of scouts is supposed to be out wandering around, no one said anything about them having any business in Krolva District. Weren’t the titans spotted inside Wall Rose?” 

“Just come down so I can explain it to you!” I shout impatiently. 

I see his figure disappear as he comes down to talk to me. He opens the gate to let me in and he meets me on the other side. 

“What are you doing, (y/n)?” 

“I need access into Wall Maria.” 

“Are you crazy? What could you possibly need to go into Wall Maria for?!” 

“Hannes please, there is just something I have to do. It’s important that I get out there.”

“You’ll die! I don’t care if you survived a week out there on your own, or how talented you are or how big of a badass you are. You got a death wish?” 

“The heavy rain will help cover me,” I plead with him, “It’s important, I’m missing something, well, actually a lot of things, but some answers lie on the edge of the big forest. I know it will help me figure something out, something I can use to help humanity with the titans.” 

Hannes just continues to give me a suspicious look, I know he is under no obligation to let me out. But he is also not prohibited from doing so. I’m a soldier, going outside the walls is a part of my job. 

“Come on, Hannes,” I continue to plead, “I can just stand around and be useless when I know I can do something that will help in the long run. I feel like with the information I learn I can use it to help with us actually getting the upper hand over the titans, and most importantly helping Eren.” I know he has a close relationship with Eren, Armin and Mikasa. Maybe if I use Eren’s name it will pull at his heart strings a bit. 

He bit at his lip nervously obviously conflicted by my request. But it doesn’t seem like he can come up with a decent reason as to why he can’t let me go. I’m not Levi or Erwin, my role as a new recruit is far less significant than there’s. A newbie can be replaced, Erwin and Levi can’t. 

“Alright,” He sighed heavily, “But be careful, I know you have skill, but don’t do anything reckless.” 

“Said the alcoholic who gets drunk on the job.” I smirk at him. 

“Hey,” He points a finger at me, “Functioning alcoholic.” 

He turns away from me and walks away to grab one of the horses tied up by the gate, “Follow after me, I’ll come up with something and open the other gate for you.” 

“Thank you, Hannes.” I breathe a sigh of relief. 

He mounts up on his horse, I’m about to hop up on mine when my eyes are distracted by a bow and a quiver with a few arrows. 

“Hannes,” I got his attention again, “Can I take that?” I ask point at the bow and arrows. 

“I guess,” He shrugs, “Don’t know how much good it will do you against titans.” 

I grab the bow and arrows and mount up. I follow closely behind him trying to avoid the stares and the whispers I get from people as I ride by. 

“Who is that? She looks like she is from the capital,” “Isn’t that Peitho? I’ve never seen her this close. She looks just like her portraits,” “What is she doing here?” “Is she trying to have another suicidal adventure outside the walls?” 

I try to drown them out and ignore them. I have a lot to concentrate on at the moment, I need to pay them no mind. 

“Wait here,” Hannes said once we reached the gate leading out into Wall Maria, “I’ll get the gate open.” 

“Thank you again, Hannes. I need this.” 

He nods at me and disappears out of site. I wait as patiently as I can but I’m getting more and more anxious. I just want to get out there and get this over with. Hopefully I won’t run into too many titans while I’m out there. But they are unavoidable, this is within Wall Maria after all, it’s been taken over by titans for years now. 

After another 10 minutes the gate slowly opens. Even if the other soldiers are suspicious of Hannes it will be too late. I will be long gone before they can get the word out. And they won’t bother sending soldiers out to look for me, more loss of life is not worth it. 

To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to handle this. I’m sure I will figure it out on my way and when I’m actually faced with Edmund Digman. 

What is his relationship with Kenny? What does he know about what happened to me? How is he able to live outside the safety of Wall Rose? How are he and I connected? So many questions and no answers. They are not just going to come to me, I’ll keep getting fragments of my memories in my dreams, but it’s time to start connecting the dots.


	38. Chapter 38: Morality

Your POV 

As I am heading south from Krolva District I haven’t run into many titans yet, not any that I couldn’t avoid anyway. I’ll avoid engaging for as long as possible; I’m hoping I can use the rain to my advantage. Hopefully the titans will have a harder time spotting me, however at the same time it’s also more difficult for me to spot them a head of time as well. 

The rain is pouring down harder than ever, it’s a good thing the land is mostly flat. The last thing I need is for my horse to slip going up and down hills and get hurt. 

For the next 45 minutes or so I do run into some titans, but nothing over 7m yet though. They have been pretty spaced out, no more than 3 at once. 

I’ve been pretty good when it comes to spotting them so far, keeping the hood of my cloak up trying my best to shield my eyes from the rain. 

Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, an abnormal titan on all fours is speeding toward me. My horse noticed too and stopped dead in his tracks. 

I was too busy focusing on the fast approaching titan, I didn’t even have time to stop myself from flying out of the saddle. I tumble into the mud and my horse runs off in the opposite directions of the abnormal. Not that I blame him, I would do the same if I could. With nothing around I can sink my 3DMG anchors in, I am a sitting duck. This is definitely when having my actual personal horse would have come in handy. He is very loyal, he wouldn’t leave me here unless the titan actually ate me. 

But I haven’t bonded with this horse, and he didn’t hesitate to leave me behind. I get it, I hope he gets back to the wall safe. 

I was completely covered in mud and I stand up slowly, a little dazed from my fall. 

I look in the direction that I thought I see the titan coming from, but I don’t see it. Where the hell did it go? I can still feel the ground rumble underneath me so it can’t be that far off. 

Suddenly the ground stops shaking and I look to my left and finally see it. It was standing in the same direction that the horse ran into, it was standing still head swivelling around trying to locate me. Why wasn’t it coming after me right away? I guess it is an abnormal, but that still seems pretty strange behaviour... But as suddenly as it stopped it charged at me again. I didn’t even have time to ready my anchors before it grabbed me with its long bony fingers. 

I gasp as I feel the air being forced out of my lungs as the titan squeezed me, leaving my hands free with my blades in hands. I try jamming my blades into its hand and fingers but it is not making a difference; they don’t seem to be able to feel pain. 

It brings me closer and closer to its smiling face and slowly begins to open its cavernous mouth. As it draws me closer I have a clear shot in my striking range to its eyes. Not wasting anytime, I plunge each of my blades into its eyes making it pause for a moment. It was just enough time for me to retract my blades and use one of them to slice at the titan’s flexor tendon, causing its fingers to drop me. 

As I’m falling toward the ground I trigger my anchors to imbed them into the titan so I can reach around and go for its nape. I have to work fast before it heals itself and can use its hand properly again. 

With a grunt I slice deep into the titan’s nape and it falls to the ground, disappearing slowly as the steam leaks from its body. 

When I land back on the ground I look around to see if I can see the horse anywhere, but he is long gone. I can’t risk whistling for him, I shouldn’t be that far away from the giant tree forest. I can’t risk Digman hearing me or other titans. Best to try and stay as quiet as possible. 

I bend down to pick up the bow and arrows that were thrown from my body from my fall. I’m going to have to walk the rest of the way, I don’t have a choice. There is nothing I can use my 3DMG off of, but I keep my blades out and remain on high alert as I continue. 

I was lucky enough to not run into anymore titans during my 2 hour hike across the plains to the giant tree forest. Finally I can see them, I’ll be able to use my gear in there to look for his place. 

About 15 more minutes of light jogging and I am close enough to deploy my anchors. I speed toward the trees and keep my eyes peeled for a cabin along the tree line. 

It was nice to get in the forest, I was chilled to the bone with all the rain. Even with the heavy downpour mud is still caked onto my person. But it is nice to have a little bit of coverage from the rain with the giant trees and their leaves. 

I reach the other side of the forest and I finally notice a cabin. I stop in one of the trees close to the cabin and study the surroundings. 

It was a small cabin, about the same size as the one I took shelter in when I was trapped outside the walls. This one does seem to be a little bigger though. 

Beside the cabin was a small fenced in area with a shelter in it. Must be for a horse, how else would he get around? 

I don’t see a horse there though, could he be away? I lower myself slowly from the tree to get a closer look inside the cabin. I don’t hear any footsteps or anything, but it is still raining heavily, I would be surprised if I did hear him puttering around in there. 

I carefully peak through one of the windows. Inside the cabin everything was all in one large room. Good, makes it easier for me to see if he is there for sure or not. I squint inside the cabin but I still don’t see him anywhere. 

He must be away somewhere... Fuck! I kick at the ground impatiently and sigh heavily. I didn’t come this far to strike out now. Looks like I’ll have to wait for him. Assuming he isn’t actually already dead, which is still a possibility. 

Maybe what I had feared is actually true, it is possible he has just moved on from this place. When I looked through the window nothing popped out at me that indicated that a person definitely lived there recently. 

I can’t break in and wait for him in his cabin. Being someone from the underground and working for Laurie he probably has some sort of trap set for any intruders. Trees it is. 

I embedded my anchors into one of the trees and settle down on a thick branch. I had a perfect view of the front door and the horse enclosure. Time to play the waiting game. 

Erwin’s POV 

“What do you mean she’s not here?! Where the hell is she?!” I yell angrily at Hange. 

“What do you want me to do about it, Erwin?! I can’t watch her 24/7, we all have shit we have to do!” She shouts back at me. 

Levi already walked out of my office when Hange came back to tell us she couldn’t locate (y/n). I know it’s not Hange’s fault, but speaking with Levi about (y/n) has put me more on edge and I am definitely more irritable. 

I have more questions about (y/n)’s plans than when we started. A fight in the underground? What the hell for? I don’t know what to do or how to help her. However, I would like to start by finding her and locking her in my room so she can’t sneak off anywhere else. 

“Levi will figure it out, Erwin,” Hange said quietly, “Just try not to kill each other, please.” 

It is just frustrating that Levi can do something and I can’t. She won’t talk to either of us unless it’s sex or work related. She is keeping us at arm’s length and it is making us feel more and more frustrated. 

“Will you manage without Levi?” I ask her. 

“Oh we’ll be fine,” Hange reassured me, “Anyway, he would be useless to me if he is distracted by trying to figure out what (y/n) is doing.” 

“Is Thompson here today?” 

“Yes, I believe I saw him earlier.” 

“Send him to me before you head out, please.” 

“Yes sir.” She salutes me and leaves my office. 

I may not know how to get information in the underground as Levi can, but I can see what I can get out of Thompson. 

I cannot forget her cryptic words, “I won’t always be around..’ 

Of course as soldiers we have a high likelihood of dying sooner rather than later, but we don’t know when or how necessarily. The way she said it made it sound like she knows exactly when and how she is going to die. 

Damnit! This is exactly what I have been trying to avoid! I was worried about pursuing what I feel for (y/n), and here I am, mind consumed with worry for the woman. 

But it’s too late now, I’m in too deep at this point. I can’t back out of this even if I wanted to. I can’t stop my feelings for her and it’s extremely aggravating. 

I hear a firm knock on my door, “Come in.” I reply, figuring it is probably Thompson. I was correct. 

“Commander Erwin,” He nodded at me as he stepped into my office, “Hange said you wanted a word with me.” 

“Yes, please sit.” I gesture to the chair across my desk. He briskly makes his way to the chair and sits down, studying me with his tired looking hazel eyes. 

“I’m assuming this is about (y/n).” He didn’t phrase it as a question, it was more of a statement. 

“Yes,” I confirm, “I need to know what is going on with her.” 

“You don’t ‘need’ to know, Erwin,” He corrected me, “You ‘want’ to know.”

“I didn’t ask you here to argue semantics, Thompson,” I respond, “There is something going on with her, she’s in trouble and I know you care for her too. Even though you 2 have been acting rather odd toward each other recently.” 

He grimaces in his seat and looks down at his hands, “I can’t be the one to tell you,” He stated quietly, “I’ve done enough to her, if she wishes to tell you I will not stop her. But it is clear she doesn’t want you to know, so I will not betray her wishes.” 

“She’s been visiting the underground,” Thompson’s head jerks back up to look at me when I said that, “She was down there last night, Levi followed her. What is she doing down there?” 

He sits back in his chair, deep in thought. I watch him carefully, trying to get a read on his body language. He definitely seems nervous to hear that (y/n) has been going underground. Could he be worried about what else I may know? It’s hard to tell. 

“She was in some kind of ring and fought with someone,” I continue when Thompson remains silent, “She won the fight, but we don’t know what was in it for her to fight. She left shortly after. Any ideas?” 

“I don’t know.” He finally responded. 

“Bullshit,” I growl, losing my patience, “What are you hiding, Thompson?” 

“Are you in love with her?” 

I was taken aback by his question, what does that have to do with anything I have mentioned thus far? Is he trying to distract me or catch me off guard? 

“Don’t change the subject,” I glare at him, “You’re trying my patience, and I’m almost at my limit.” 

“I can tell,” He smiles sadly at me, “You can’t save her, Erwin. She has to save herself. I can’t help her either, I have tried to remedy my mistakes, but I cannot. You can’t force her to allow you to help, I’ve tried that, learn from my mistake.” 

What the hell is he talking about now? I’ll do everything I can to save her, maybe he has given up on her, but I refuse to. I need her here with me. 

“I know she has deep feelings for you that I doubt she will ever admit to you. But you might have a chance to save her. Don’t push her though, if you push too far you’ll never get her back. She is dealing with a lot right now. Give her a chance to come to her senses, maybe she will listen to you or Levi. She won’t listen to me, I’m the last person she wants to take advice from. Just be there for her, she’ll tell you when she is ready. Or she won’t, either way you have to be okay with that.” 

I’ve never seen the man look so defeated for as long as I have known him. Something is obviously weighing on his mind when it comes to (y/n), and it’s clear he is not going to tell me about it. As angry as she seems to be with him, he will still not betray her confidence.

“For the record,” Thompson continues, “I don’t know exactly what she is doing underground. She doesn’t speak to me anymore so I don’t know what she has been doing recently. It may be a lot to ask considering you and Levi clearly harbour strong feelings for her, try not to meddle too much. It’s a dangerous game to get involved in, and (y/n) would never forgive herself if something were to happen to you or Levi on your pursuit to understand the complexity that is (y/n) (l/n).” 

He doesn’t wait for me to respond or to diss him, he stands up from the chair and heads toward the door. He’s about to close the door behind him when he turns to me one last time, “Don’t hurt her,” He looks at me seriously, “That girl has endured more pain than the average person could experience in 100 life times.” 

Without saying anything more he closed the door behind him. 

Your POV 

How long has it been? Where the hell is he? I’ve been sitting on this tree for hours now. The rain has stopped, not that I needed its cover anymore considering he doesn’t seem to be anywhere in site. 

I was starting to lose hope when I hear the distinct sound of approaching hoofbeats. I stand up quickly and look around the trunk of the tree I’ve been residing on all day. I squint to see a black horse appear through the remaining fog from the rain. I was still pretty high up in the tree so my visibility is not great. But I can see him as he takes off his hood to reveal an older looking bald man. 

I watch as the person on the horse rides to the cabin. He dismounts his horse and leads it to the horse enclosure. I keep my eyes on him, bow at the ready in case he sees me. I want to question him before I kill him, but if he sees me I’ll lose the crucial element of surprise and he will be very difficult to beat. I don’t have control over my body like I used to, who knows what may happen in a hand to hand combat situation. 

I watch him closely as he untacks his horse and hangs the saddle on the fence of the enclosure. How should I approach this? Should I just show up behind him and make my threat with the arrow known? Best not to get too close to him, considering his back ground and current employer, he knows how to fight. Any little trick I use I doubt will work against him. 

I see him move to enter the cabin but he pauses before he walks up the steps. I can feel my heart beat faster, damnit! Did he notice something? 

He kneels closer to the ground as his eyes are focused on something on the ground... My footprints are in the mud. Fuck! I’m always so calculating, how could I miss something so simple?! 

Digman whips around pulling a large knife out of a sheath attached to his hip. He looks around the outside perimeter of his cabin carefully, looking for clues as to where I had gone. Shit, he’ll see my footprints disappear suddenly when I deployed my gear to get up in the tree. 

I can’t use my gear to move to another location, he would hear the gear in a heart beat. 

I rush around the trunk of the tree I was standing on, not wanting him to figure out where I went. On the other side of the tree there were barely any branches, let alone one I could stand on like on the one side. 

I look up and grip a couple of branches above me that looked a little stronger and struggle to maintain my grip on the wet branches. At least I can hold my weight okay, Erwin would have a difficult time with his big ass. I feel a smile on my lips as I picture him trying to hold his weight in my position. Although, he is pretty strong, maybe he would last quite awhile... What am I thinking right now? This is not the time. 

Focus (y/n), you can’t get distracted now. It’s hard enough holding onto these wet branches. I grit my teeth and hold on tight, knuckles turning white from the effort. 

I was dangling there for a couple of minutes before I try and use the last of my gripping energy to pull me around back closer to the other side of the tree. I have to see what Digman is up to now. 

He was still circling his cabin, he has probably already looked up at the trees. I quietly make my way to my large branch and rub the stiffness out of my hands and wrists. 

Digman heads up the stairs leading into the cabin and he opens the door slowly, knife at the ready in his hand. 

Oooo I have an idea. I stand up straight on the branch and pull my blades out of my gear. I hover my fingers over the triggers, ready for the right moment. I square myself up so I am directly in line with the door of the cabin. 

Digman pushes the door open all the way and stands in the threshold of his cabin, looking for any signs or movement or disturbance probably. Now! 

I deploy my anchors, each going into either side of the cabin door, and I fly at high speed toward him. He didn’t have time to react, he started to turn around but I collided with him hard. He was knocked off his feet immediately and tumbled by the force of the impact into the darkness of the cabin. 

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the site. The image of me slingshotting myself into him with enough force to not only knock him off his feet, but also making him roll into his cabin and hit the opposite wall just really got to me.

“PFFT! Oh my god, that was amazing! You should have seen the look on your face when you saw me!” I laugh loudly at the man groaning on the floor, “Get up, old man! Let’s do that again!” 

I see him roll over and start to get up, I better act fast. I dodged just in time to avoid his knife that he threw directly at my head. I race across the room and knock him out with the handle of my blade to his head, before he had a chance to stand all the way up. 

He slumped to the floor with a grunt and I look around the cabin for something to bind him with. I see some rope over by his bed and go to grab it. 

I turn him over so he is lying on his stomach and I tie his hands together as well as his feet, preventing him from running or attacking. It took quite a bit of effort when you compare his size to mine, but I was able to lift him to a sitting position and lean him against the wall. 

I pat him down to check for anymore weapons he may have hidden up his sleeve or elsewhere. I can’t have him get out of these ropes. I find 3 different knives on him that I toss aside out of his reach. 

Once I’m satisfied with the knowledge that he has no more weapons, I step back from him and wait for him to wake up. It isn’t too long before I see him begin to stir and his eyes flutter open. 

“Hey Digman,” I greet him as he stares up at me, “You look nice by the way, has Laurie been letting you be on top for once? Remember me?” 

His cold icy blue eyes send terrified shivers up my spine. Those eyes just appear so cold and calculating, it was making me a bit uncomfortable but I have to keep my composure, show no weakness. 

“Some sort of swamp thing?” He guessed as he squints at my mud and stick covered form. 

“Soooo close,” I reply and pull my hood off for him to see my face, the only part of my body that isn’t completely covered in mud, “Now?” 

His eyes widen but he composes himself quickly, “(Y/n) (l/n), huh? The fuck are you doing out here?” 

“Funny you should ask,” I smile as I grab my bow and an arrow, “I was going to ask you the same.” 

“Seems like someone has grown a set of balls since I last saw them, or at least think she has. I don’t know what your plan is here, but whoever you tortured to get my location, that same treatment won’t work on me.” 

“I didn’t have to torture anyone. I won information on you fair and square. You’d be surprised the information and cooperation you get out of a person when you don’t torture them.” 

“Why are you after me so soon? Seems to me I shouldn’t even be on your list... Okay, but maybe closer to the bottom.” 

“You’re on Kenny’s list, not mine.” 

“Ah, so you’re his bitch now.” 

“I wouldn’t say that,” I shrug as I load my bow with my arrow, “Why does Kenny want you dead?” 

“Kenny doesn’t want me dead,” He growled, “Rod Reiss wants me dead. But since those 2 are buddies now, what Rod wants Kenny wants.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.” I pull the arrow back against the string of my bow, building up the tension. 

“Yeah, and you will get no answer from me. I might as well keep silent, you’re going to kill me either way after all. I won’t give you the satisfaction of giving you anything.” He glared at me hatefully. 

“Not necessarily, I’d be willing to let you go if you prove to be more useful to me than Kenny.” 

Digman doesn’t answer right away, I was surprised he was actually considering my offer. But as I expected he rejected it. 

“Fuck you, bitch,” He spat on the floor in front of my feet, “I’d rather be dead.” 

“Very well, I had to offer.” I sigh, I was secretly really hoping he would take my offer so I wouldn’t have to kill him. I pull my arrow back even more and steady my aim. As I was lining up my hands seized up and started spasming, sending the arrow way off to the right of where Digman was sitting. 

I can hear him laugh as my legs buckle and give up underneath me again and I topple to the floor. I can feel a metallic taste in my mouth as I start coughing up blood onto the floor. 

“Well isn’t this a beautiful site,” He smiles down at me, “Looks like you’re worse off than your whore mother ever was.” 

“What are you blabbering about?” I ask him between coughs. 

“You’re rotting from the inside out, stupid bitch. Having a fight with Thompson are you?” He smirked at me. 

My eyes widen at him, how does he know that? “How-“ 

“Because he’s the only one who can keep your dumb ass alive,” He says as he starts laughing again, “You were as good as dead when we found you in the bushes, but thanks to him you survived.” 

“It was you,” My mind goes back to the memory of my broken body being found by Kenny and the other man, the other man being Edmund Digman, “You were with Kenny.” 

He stops laughing and frowns down at me, “How did you remember that?”

“What’s wrong? Surprised to see the memory erasing isn’t as permanent as Laurie thought?” I grin at him, relishing the anger building in him. 

His jaw clenches as he grows angrier and angrier, “Doesn’t matter now, if you refuse to let Thompson help you, you’ll be dead soon.” 

“My mother has been lasting a long time, even though I was afflicted much earlier in life, I figure I got the time for what I want to do.” I shrug, not phased by his words now. 

“Your mother’s organs aren’t failing because she didn’t receive the beating of her life in the capital. Nope, that would be you.” 

Is that why I was in the state I was in when they found me? Someone must have been really angry with me to do so much internal damage. But why? What the hell could I have done to deserve that? 

So they were experimenting to keep my organs from failing? I hoped Banning was able to use the results to actually help other people with internal injuries. I may be screwed, but I hope they were at least able to help some others. 

I guess in the end when the spinal fluid experiment effects wear off it will be multiple system organ failure that kills me before the other spinal fluid starts to attack my brain and nerves again, causing them to atrophy more rapidly. 

I raise my head to look at Digman again when I hear him laughing, “You don’t even care do you? You’ve been metaphorically dead on the inside for years now. Well I guess that makes sense, if you’re getting your memory back, someone like you can’t live with the amount of blood on your hands.” 

“Quit your mumbling, be a man and speak up.” I snap at him. 

“You don’t think those fancy experiments they did on you were just done to you, do you? Stupid cunt, you just got the one that worked the best on the other’s.” 

Of course the thought crossed my mind, but I tried not to think about it too much. I can’t go down that rabbit hole right now, not when I have to focus as much as I have to right now. 

“Technically, you have more blood on your hands than I do. Ain’t life a funny thing?” He commented. 

“From what I understand, you brought people to Laurie. Stole children from their mothers and forced women who refused. How many death sentences did you hand out?” 

“Ah, but for whom were those people taken for? Not all of them, but the majority of them I would say were taken because of you. Because Laurie can’t lose his little pet. But his little pet kept getting hurt, he had to ensure your survival.” 

I lower my eyes from his, was it really that bad? How many people exactly died because of me? It’s impossible for me to think about, if I think too much about it I’ll fall apart. 

“You don’t remember anything more?” He presses, “Not even where you were before, or who threw you into the bushes...” 

I try to focus and think back to what happened in my dream and trying to discover what came before. But suddenly I’m on the floor again writhing in pain. I start screaming and convulsing on the floor, the pain was like what I experienced in my memory/dream after that fluid was injected into my veins. This is the kind of pain that can make you feel like you’re actually dying, and when you realize you’re not, you wish that you were. 

Is this why my subconscious refuses to remember certain events and details? Because my body was manipulated to deliver intense pain when I try to focus on the past, to discourage me from remembering it? 

I grit my teeth to try and get through the pain. I grab my bow from where it fell beside me, load up my arrow and release it into his leg, wiping the smile clean off his face. He stops laughing and grunts in pain as he stares at the arrow in his leg. 

“You’re not better than me, (y/n),” He growled through gritted teeth, “You may have the pleasure of forgetting, but if you continue down this path you’ll find the answers you seek. And those answers will be the death of you.” 

“Great, looking forward to it,” I reply and grab another arrow from my quiver, “Why is Kenny targeting Banning?” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Come on! One more time with more feeling!” 

He just scowls at me in response. 

“God you’re boring in the face of death, you know that, Digman?” 

“Pearson will make you regret this.” 

“Who do you really think is more valuable to him, you or his little pet? Besides, Laurie isn’t after me right now, he’s too busy dealing with Kenny and whatever he has planned.” I smirk at him. 

“Is that what you think?” Digman smiles maliciously, “You probably thought you could just hide behind Thompson forever too, huh?” 

His smirk turns into a wide smile when he sees my eyes go wide, “Of course we know he has been the one housing you when you disappeared. But Pearson needs the both of you, you’re his proof of his usefulness to the king himself after all.” 

This is going nowhere, maybe there is something around here I can use to make him talk. I start walking around the cabin, Digman’s icy gaze following my every move. 

“Why was I almost beaten to death?” I ask him as I wander around his cabin. 

“You did what you always do, put your nose where it doesn’t belong, and said things you ought to not say. Your smart mouth always gets you into trouble; you get that from your father.”

“Yeah.” I head over to where his bed is and reach toward his bedside table. I was trying to listen closely to Digman’s reactions as I walked around his cabin, but I received nothing. But reaching toward his bedside table drawer, I hear his breath hitch slightly. 

I turn to raise an eyebrow at him and his eyes glare daggers at me. Interesting... 

I open the drawer to find a folded up piece of paper. It was the only thing in there so I pick it up to examine it. I unfold it to reveal a portrait of a young woman. She has the same icy blue eyes as Digman, but her eyes looked kind and gentle. She had long wavy brown hair and she was smiling up at me. 

I bring it over to Digman, “I’m assuming this is your offspring?” 

He clenched his teeth and his features soften slightly when he looks at the portrait. Yep, definitely his daughter, it’s probably the only possession he treasures here. 

“Seems like a nice girl,” I comment, taking the portrait away from his line of site, “Pretty, I’m sure she gets that from her mother no doubt. Now, why is Kenny or Rod Reiss after you?” 

“Whatever you have planned is no where near as bad as what Pearson has planned for me if I talk.” Digman said quietly. 

“Such a shame,” I tut at him, “I was really hoping to avoid finding your daughter, but maybe I’ll pay her a visit. Perhaps she will cooperate better with an arrow or 2 sticking out of her.” 

Digman’s eyes darken dangerously, had I not tied him up I have no doubt he would have ripped me to pieces right then and there. 

“She has nothing to do with this.” He snarls at me. 

“A daughter who has to pay for the sins of her father, I can’t imagine how that feels.” I retort sarcastically. 

We glare at each other for a few more seconds before I grab at the arrow I shot into his leg and jerk it a bit, not enough to remove it, but enough for him to gasp from pain. 

“You should have let me die back in those bushes. It would have saved a lot of people a world of pain. You had no right.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” He says through gritted teeth, “But it’s too late now, it’s too bad I won’t be around to watch you become the monster Pearson has raised you to be.” 

“I make no apologies for how I fix what you chuckle heads broke within me.” 

“As I will make no apologies for following orders. So hurry up, kill me and be damned. Be the person you have been trying to suppress, be your father.” He grins at me dangerously. 

His words couldn’t suade me, I’m on a mission to find the truth and he stands in the way of that. I’ve already made up my mind that is what I have to do. He’s a wanted criminal dead or alive, yet that doesn’t make me feel better about what I have to do. 

“Have you any final words?” I ask him, moving further away from him and raising my bow at him one final time.

He glares and spits at me one more time, “I’ll haunt you in your dreams.” 

“Cool, can’t wait. It’ll be a nice change of pace than what I have been experiencing recently.” 

I loose my arrow and it goes directly into his heart. He slumps over and dies almost instantly. 

As soon as he dies I have to run out of the door and retch over the side of the steps leading into the cabin. I could feel my eyes water and my hands shake. 

That was horrible, pretending nothing phased me while I was in front of him was extremely difficult. He was defenceless and I killed him. 

I did what I was told in order to understand what has been going on around me. But it doesn’t help the sinking feeling in my stomach. He was still a person, and he wasn’t attacking me. That is the part I’m having the most difficult time with. The ones I killed when I was on Stohess, I did it for self defence, and even then I would try to aim for limbs to give them a chance to live. 

But I’ve never done something like this. Maybe he did deserve it, maybe he didn’t. It’s done now, and I have to move forward in order to understand my past and know what to do for the future. I have people I want to protect more than anything now. 

I sigh heavily and head back into the cabin, trying to decide what to do next. I just stand there in silence for awhile, just staring at Digman. I should bury him, right? It would be the human thing to do. 

I sigh again as I look around the small cabin, looking for some shovels or something. As I’m going through his cupboards all I can seem to find is alcohol and some other unlabelled fluids on smaller bottles. Maybe he was tortured by the people who’s lives he took. Maybe he wasn’t that bad, just someone doing what he had to in order to survive. This is something I should have considered before coming here. I didn’t even ask him about how he survived out here, I was too distracted to think straight. Although, he probably wouldn’t have told me anyway. 

I reach for one of the many battles of alcohol and take a few big gulps. It felt like fire was going down my esophagus, but this is going to be a long night, and I refuse to be sober for all of it. My liver is already trash apparently, might as well marinade it in some liquor. 

I wonder what the other bottles contained. They are much smaller and each bottle only had about an inch or 2 of liquid. Maybe I’ll bring those with me, see if Hange can find anything under her microscope. 

How has he been able to stay out here anyway? I keep asking myself that question, feeling like I already know the answer.. But I don’t. That’s another thing that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I should grab anything that looks out of place, maybe I’ll be able to figure out this mystery. 

I reach his closet and I open it up to find a shovel. Perfect, I better get busy. 

Levi’s POV 

I decided to head back underground to see if I could find any other clues as to what (y/n) has been up to down here. I told Erwin all I know so far, which isn’t much, and he agreed to let me go. 

My presence in Hange’s group isn’t paramount to their success, they just went out to find the hole where the titans have entered and track down Mike’s group. So while they are out, I’ll be down underground trying to understand what (y/n) has been doing. 

I suppose the best place to start is the bar she was fighting at. Once I get down the stairs I head straight to that bar. 

The inside of it is even worse than what I remember. Kenny brought me with him when he went looking for jobs, and now it looks more dirty and run down than ever before. 

I’m careful not to touch any of the surfaces in this disgusting place, this is going to be a nightmare. No matter what I look at, everything is dirty. 

“Levi Ackerman,” I hear a man’s voice say from across the room behind the bar, “What the fuck brings you back here?” 

I see a short man with a long scar across his face. He does look a little familiar, but I can’t put a name to his face. 

“Uwe.” The man says as I walk closer to him. Oh yeah, he was the man that was talking to (y/n) before she left. 

“So, what brings you back to this shit hole?” He asks me as he crosses his arms. 

“There was a girl here last night,” I say to him, avoiding brushing against any of the stools seated along the bar, “(y/n), why was she here?” 

The man narrows his eyes at me suspiciously, “Why do you care?” 

“Not important, that has nothing to do with you.” 

“Kind of like her business down here has nothing to do with you?” He raises his eyebrow at me. 

“Tell you what, you tell me what Kenny has been up to and I’ll tell you what I know about (y/n).” 

“I haven’t seen Kenny since he left me down here. I don’t have anything to offer you.” 

“Too bad,” He sighed, “Get the fuck out then.” 

I’ve had enough, I hop over the bar and grab Uwe by his collar. I lift him up and slam him against the wall of the bar, sending a bunch of bottles off their shelves and smashing to the floor. 

“Do I look like I’m in the mood to argue with you?” I growl at him, tightening my grip on him even more. 

“Maybe not, but you wouldn’t just be fighting with me.” 

I look over my shoulder and notice a bar full of men holding their weapons up, watching the exchange between Uwe and I. 

“Your reputation is certainly an intimidating one, but you’re an outsider here now, Levi,” Uwe chuckles, “You could probably take a bunch of them by yourself, but you won’t be able to handle all of them. Especially with a bunch of them having long range weapons, how long do you think you’ll last before you’re finally cut down?” 

He’s probably right, my speed is a big asset, but in this small bar I can’t use it to my advantage. But I’ll never back down, even if I’m against 100 underground thugs, “I’ll take my chances.” 

“Sure sure, or maybe you would like to make a similar deal as the lovely young (y/n)? Oh, that got your attention didn’t it.” 

I don’t like the way he said her name, this is getting more and more aggravating, “What kind of deal is that?” 

“Fight for information,” He said, “You beat me, I’ll tell you what I know about (y/n) and what she was doing here. If I beat you, you tell me everything you can about your dear old mentor, Kenny.” 

“I told you, I haven’t spoken with him in years.” I narrow my eyes at him. 

“Maybe so, but I want to know about his past. Tell me anything you can about him.” He insists. 

I consider his offer, I’ve heard Uwe’s name many times before. He used to be an amazing fighter and mercenary, so he would probably at least put up a decent fight. But I don’t really know what he is expecting to hear from me, or why he’s really doing this. It’s not like Kenny and I really had any deep conversations with each other about our lives. We communicated mainly through him teaching me how to survive. I don’t know what use that information would be to Uwe, but if it means I’ll learn more about what (y/n) has been up to, maybe I should take it. 

“Alright,” I let him go, “Deal.” He smirks at me and gestures to a door leading out to the back of the bar, “I’ll show you place, then you come back tomorrow, bright and early, ready for a fight.” 

Time skip to early next morning... 

Your POV 

I woke up from a surprisingly dreamless sleep for the first time in awhile, but of course I woke up with a head ache. I did drink quite a bit after I buried Digman. It was tough and definitely took a lot of effort, he is a pretty big man. 

Did he really deserve to die? I have been struggling with that the entire time. I mean, maybe... He’s killed and tortured a lot of people, I know that. I hate this. I hate playing god. But I hate not understanding and not remembering what is going on with me even more. If I have to mow down more criminals in order to get there, I’ll grit my teeth and do it. I’m sure I will pay for it later down the line. Hell, I’m already paying for it. 

The early morning sun is starting to rise and I start to stand up. As soon as I stand I realize I am still drunk. Fuck. It seems I slept in the horse’s shelter. 

“Sorry for the trouble.” I mumble and pat the black mare as I leave the enclosure. There is a body of fresh water not too far from the cabin. I head over to it and strip out of my clothes. 

I spend awhile trying to wash my clothes and body clean or caked on mud and blood. When I finish, the sun has almost completely risen and I put my clothes back on, damp, but at least they aren’t dirty anymore. 

I walk back into his cabin, hoping he had some paper and writing utensils. I wasn’t optimistic though, a lot of the underground thugs are illiterate. They value combat knowledge over everything else, very few bother to learn how to read and write. Hell, if I didn’t have my mother down there, I doubt I would have learned. 

But I was pleasantly surprised to see he did have a small desk with what I needed on it. I take some paper and scribble a quick note for whoever comes out to check on Digman.

‘Tag you’re it, Twat. Come and get me. 

Love always, Peitho xoxo’ 

I snorted at my letter, finding the petty name I used for Laurie amusing. Damn, I really am still drunk. I turn and grab the mystery bottles that I found yesterday and tuck them into pockets inside my cloak. 

As I’m leaving the cabin I look on the floor and see the portrait of Digman’s daughter. I lean down and pick up and brush off any dirt on it. I fold it back up the way it was and tuck it into my pocket. 

I wouldn’t put it past Laurie to go after his daughter when he finds out Digman is dead. I’ve seen him do that before with people who he feels have failed him, he will go after their remaining kin after their death. 

If she is smart she would have come up with a decent alias the day her father became a widely wanted man. Hopefully if they don’t have a more recent portrait of her it will take them longer to find her. Maybe I can find her first and warm her about Laurie. 

I head out of the cabin and head toward the horse, can’t leave her by herself. Plus I need her to get me back to the wall fast. 

I open the pen and approach her slowly, she shouldn’t be too wary of me; she didn’t bother me when I slept in her shelter. 

She showed a little bit of interest in me but she was much more interested in eating grass. But we both jump when we hear a loud crack of lightening and I look up and see the sky darkening. Oh no, I know what that is. 

But can that really be Eren transforming? That lightening was much larger and more intense than what I am used to witnessing from Eren transforming. There was also more than one loud crack of lightening... More than one titan? I don’t have time to saddle up. I open the gate wide and hop on her back. She gives a little buck, irritated by me having the audacity to get on her while she is still eating her breakfast. 

“Come on!” I give her a squeeze with my heels and hope she is well trained enough to respond to my leg movements and pressure rather than the use of reins. I didn’t have time to grab her bridle. Thankfully she responds easily to my movements and we gallop off toward the area where the sky is continuing to darken. 

As I got closer I look on top of the wall and see what looks like the colossal titan... What the fuck?! But it only looks half formed and it’s clinging to the top of the wall. I look forward and see the armoured titan fighting what is unmistakably Eren’s titan. 

“EREN!” I scream as I watch him go toe to toe with the armoured titan. They must have been going at it awhile, ever since the lightening I suppose. I don’t know how long it took me to get here, but they have definitely been at it awhile. 

I watch in horror as the armoured titan pins Eren on the ground and pushes him forward. What is it doing? But I spot it, he’s pushing him under the colossal titan. 

I’m getting there, I’m getting closer, hang in there Eren, please. They both look pretty exhausted. 

Suddenly there is a high pitched scream coming from the armoured titan. I see people hanging from 3DMG anchors on the wall, helplessly watching the fight below. 

The scream, it wasn’t just random, what is its plan? Oh shit, I know it. He has pushed Eren right under where the colossal titan is, now it’s signalling that Eren is in position, how is everyone else not seeing this?! 

“GET OUT OF THERE!” I scream at the on-lookers, “MOVE!” It seems like I have gotten some of their attention, but it’s too late and I know it. 

I’m close enough that I can use my gear to get closer using the trees, “Get out of here!” I yell at the horse I was riding and try to make my way as fast as possible over to Eren. I don’t know what I think I can do, maybe my drunken brain somehow thinks I can get to him and actually do something. I know it’s hopeless, but I’m not stopping. 

The colossal titan falls from the top of the wall and lands right on top of Eren and the armoured titan. Last thing I see is thick steam blinding me and the feeling of intense heat wash over me, and then nothing. 

Erwin’s POV 

I didn’t expect it to happen this fast, I knew we hadn’t seen the last of the colossal and armoured titans, but I wasn’t expecting it right now.

I head quickly to the wall where the titans appeared, I have to see what the damage is personally. There are soldiers laying on the wall, all injuries varying in severity, and most were passed out. 

“Commander!” A scout salutes me as I walk by him. 

“What’s the situation?” I ask him shortly, wanting to be brought up to speed fast. 

“Sir! The colossal titan and armoured titan revealed themselves to be members of the 104th cadet class. They were apart of Section Commander Mike’s group that went beyond the wall.” 

Just as we suspected, “Where is Eren?” I ask the soldier, knowing he was apart of Hange’s group that left yesterday. The scout pauses, “Come on, quickly soldier.” I press him. 

“They took him, sir! Most of the other soldiers are out of commission! We are waiting on equipment to get horses over the wall to go after them! We have also enlisted help from the Garrison regiment as well.” 

Shit. Hopefully the battle tired them out enough that they have to stop somewhere relatively close. Judging by the direction they went in, I’m sure they will run into the forest of giant trees to rest awhile, but we still need to move out as quickly as possible. 

“Erwin,” I feel a hand reach out and grab my boot, it was Hange, “Rest Hange, we’ll go get Eren. Just stay here and recover.” 

“It’s not just Eren,” She said hurriedly, “The colossal titan took Ymir as well. She revealed herself to be another titan shifter out in the field to save some of her fellow cadets. And while we were watching the battle between Eren and the armoured titan, (y/n) showed up.” 

My stomach dropped immediately. No. What was she doing outside Wall Rose? I kneel down closer to Hange, “What happened to her?” 

“I don’t know,” She practically cried, “She tried to warn us about what was about to happen, but it was too late. I don’t know what happened to her, she is gone. I think they took her too.” 

I put my hand gently down on Hange’s shoulder, “Hange, it’s okay, we will find her. She will be okay, she has to be.”

I was trying to convince her as best I could, but I was also trying to convince myself. We need to get Eren if humanity has any sliver of hope of getting the upper hand against the titans. And for much more personal unprofessional reasons, I need to get (y/n). 

What the hell was she doing in Wall Maria? I have many questions for her, after I punish her for leaving and lock her up in my office until I’m satisfied. 

She can handle herself, it’s true. But we know so little on what exactly the motives of our enemies are. Who knows why they decided to take her as well. All I can do now is focus on getting them back here as quick as possible. 

I stare off into the distance, hoping for any sign of them but there is none. I have to keep myself calm, the equipment will be here soon to get the horses over and then we will go. I have to stop myself from only thinking of (y/n), I need to Eren too, he must remain the priority. Plus, there is yet another cadet who is a titan shifter, other than the cadets who were the colossal titan and the armoured titan.

But I can’t stop the tightening in my heart when I think about what (y/n) might be going through. Although, since she was taken by a couple of her peers it’s doubtful that they would harm her. Everyone loves her, I can’t think of a single person on the scouts that would want to cause any harm to her. I keep that in mind as I try to focus on the task at hand. 

They may not want to hurt her, but I feel the overwhelming urge to snap their necks for daring to touch her. Not only did they take our most valuable weapon, but they dared to steal the most important person to me. 

(Y/n) is mine, how dare they steal her from me. I’ll give my all to get her back here safely, even if it kills me.


	39. Chapter 39: Cognitive Dissonance

Your POV 

(Dream) 

“I’ve never seen her this despondent before,” I hear the gentle voice of Peter say to someone, “She just sits there and doesn’t respond to anything. Since you’re close with her I thought maybe you could help her.” 

“I don’t know what you expect me to do, but of course I will try.” 

That voice... I know that voice, it’s been so long since I’ve heard it. No, it can’t be him, what would he be doing here? 

But it was him, it was confirmed when he stood in front of me, “(Y/n),” He says my name as he gives me his signature crooked smile, “I’ve missed you. Are you well?” 

“Mac,” I squeaked as I looked up at him, “You’re here.” 

“I am,” He chuckled as he sat down next to me, “Tell me what is wrong. What are you feeling? How are you feeling?”

He wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer to him, the gentle thumping of his heart helped relax me into his arms. 

“I don’t feel anything.” I reply quietly. 

“Like numbness? Where? Did you have a bad fall or something?” Mac asks me, examining my body for signs of injury. 

“No,” I respond weakly, “Emotionally. I think they have been messing with my head again.” 

“What makes you say that?” Mac asks nervously. 

“I didn’t mean to get Teresa and Kirsten in trouble, but they got punished because of me... But I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel guilty or angry or sad. It’s just... Nothing.” 

“What have you guys been doing to her?” Mac rounds on Peter who is just standing off to the side, “You said you were going to stop.” 

“We don’t have a choice, Malcolm,” Peter sighed, “She’s a lot tougher and resilient than anyone else; we have never had this much trouble before.” 

“What can I do? Just tell me, I won’t allow this to go any further. You see what her mother is like, I’ll die before I let you guys do that to her too. I may have enough to persuade Lawrence to let me buy her.” 

“It’s not that simple,” Peter replies, “He won’t just part with her.” 

“What if I threaten to go public?” Mac offers. 

“The word of one unknown man against Lawrence Pearson? That will never work.” Peter argued. 

“(Y/n) can talk about her experience, people will believe her.” 

“Her memories are too fragmented, she won’t be able to give adequate testimony.” 

“Let the experiment effects wear off and maybe that will help.” Mac pleaded with Peter. 

“She wouldn’t survive that, we’ve built a strong barrier in her mind preventing her from remembering. For most of them, as the effects wear off and her mind starts to recall certain memories she will experience overwhelming pain. The pain mixed with the guilt and sadness would kill her. It isn’t something I would ever recommend she do.” 

“You think I’m just going to stand here and allow you guys to continue these sick tests?” Mac growled at Peter, growing angrier. 

“Yes, you must. The spinal fluid is killing her, it’s in her genes from her mother. But it is also keeping her alive. She won’t survive without it, Malcolm. I know it’s frustrating for you, but there isn’t anything we can do. Pearson watches her like a hawk. Try not to worry too much, she was only just given another dose, her emotions will be more normal again soon once it settles in her system.” 

“Say that like you mean it, Peter. You wouldn’t have called me here if you truly believe that.” Mac said, glaring intensely at Peter. 

Mac stood up from his seat beside me and went to have a heated whisper argument with Peter. 

I’m not really paying much attention to what they are saying, I don’t understand anything they are saying. I look out the window at the bright sunny day and feel numb inside. 

“(Y/n),” Mac returns to me and places a hand on my shoulder, “I’m going to get you out of this, okay? Just hang in there a little longer.” 

“You shouldn’t be here, Mac,” I reply quietly, “It’s a dangerous place.” 

“Don’t worry, Peter will help you forget for now.” He gives me a small smile and steps back, giving Peter room to work on me again. 

“No!” I scream and try to fight him off, but it is useless, I am too weak to fight. 

(End of dream) 

My eyes open slowly as I hear arguing going on around me. What is going on? My eyes focus on what is above me, just a bunch of leaves... I thought I already left the giant tree forest... Did I just dream that I made it back to the walls? Did Eren actually fight with the armoured titan? 

“Ah, you’re awake (y/n), good.” I hear a male voice say. 

I try to use my hands to prop myself up, but I realize that I can’t. I look down and see the cloak I was wearing wrapped tightly around my upper body. My arms were pinned against my body, making it impossible for me to use them. 

I look beside me and see Eren with no arms and Ymir putting her one good arm on him. Eh? What happened to Ymir? I look across me on another branch and see Reiner and Bertolt staring at whatever is going on between Eren and Ymir. 

What the hell is going on? Why doesn’t Eren have arms? I guess it’s not too big of a deal for Eren to be missing limbs, he’ll just grow them back like the creepy little lizard boy he is, as Levi would say. But what happened to Ymir? 

I scrunch up my face, trying my best to try and remember what happened... I could have sworn I left the giant tree forest and headed back towards the walls... 

Then I remember, I was riding toward the wall and I saw the colossal titan and the armoured titan. Eren was there too... The colossal titan fell... Then I guess I passed out....? 

“(Y/n), are you okay?” I hear Eren ask me in a worried tone. 

“Ask me later when I figured out what’s going on.” I mumble to him. 

“You passed out from the intense heat,” I hear Reiner say, “I saw you before we started running away with Eren and Ymir; figured you would want me to bring you too.” 

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?” 

“Reiner and Bertolt are traitors,” Eren cuts in, shrugging Ymir off of him, “They revealed themselves as the colossal titan and armoured titan.” 

“Traders? What does that have to do with anything?” I respond, not really understanding what Eren was saying, “Traders? Since when? What the hell have they been trading? And Reiner, don’t say ‘good looks’ or ‘charm’, that will just earn you an eye roll, a stern, ‘damnit Reiner’, and a firm punch to the face.” 

“... You’re hands are bound.” Bertolt reminds me. 

“Oh yeah, forgot about that.” 

“(Y/n), are you drunk?” Ymir questions me with a smirk. 

“Yep!” 

“Not ‘traders’, (y/n),” Eren sighs in frustration, “‘Traitors.’” 

I give Eren a blank look and just start laughing, that can’t be true, “Come on, Eren, it’s Reiner and Bertolt. I’ve cleaned dust bunnies off the floor that are more threatening than them.” 

What is Eren on about? There is no way that is true. I mean yeah, the suspicion is high that there are traitors in the 104th cadet class, which Reiner and Bertolt are apart of... But how is that enough evidence to accuse them of such a thing.

“It’s true, (y/n),” Bertolt says with a heavy sigh, “I’m the colossal titan and Reiner is the armoured titan. We came here to take back what was stolen from our homeland.” 

His words still are not really sinking in, “Why am I here..?” 

“You aren’t well, (y/n),” Reiner speaks up this time, “We can help you. Medicine is much better where we come from. We wanted to bring you with us to save you.” 

“And Eren and Ymir.” I squint at him. 

“They possess powers that belong to our homeland, we are only taking back what is rightfully ours.” Bertolt answers simply. 

Something flashes in my mind, the title of a book I remember seeing in a client’s library. I can’t remember who’s library it was, but the book was called ‘Subjects of Ymir’. 

As soon as the title of the book comes to mind I double over in pain. It was the same kind of burning stabbing pain I experienced at Digman’s cabin. 

“(Y/n)!” Reiner grabs onto me as I thrash around, keeping me from falling off the branch, “What’s wrong? What happened?” 

I force myself to think of something else and the pain slowly subsided, leaving me sweaty and breathing heavily. 

“I’m okay,” I mumble, “Help me up, please.” 

Reiner nods and lifts me up to a standing position with ease, “Thank you.” I smile sweetly up at him, trying to blow some of my (h/c) hair out of my face without the use of my hands. 

“Here,” Reiner smiles gently, “I’ll get it.” 

“That would be great.” I sigh thankfully. 

He leans closer to me to tuck my stray hairs behind my ear, perfect. 

Before Reiner could realize what I had planned I jump up and head butt him hard, breaking his nose in an instant. He grunts in surprise and pain as his hands retract back to his profusely bleeding nose. 

I drop down onto my ass and kick at one of Reiner’s legs to make him lose his balance. As he puts most of his weight into one leg, I trap his other leg between my legs and roll over, sending him closer to the edge of the tree branch. 

It looked like he was about to balance himself again, but I give him one final hard kick to send him over the edge. 

I look over the edge to see Reiner struggle to get a hold of his triggers to the ODM gear, but he wasn’t fast enough. One of the titans waiting below caught him before he had a chance to. 

He deserves more than that, all those people he killed. If only I could get my feet on Bertolt too, then I would be much happier. 

“Nice,” Eren smirks as he sits next to me, “Good work.” 

“I know right?! Take note, Eren, grow a pair of tits, and learn how to act sweet. Rule number 176 in Surviving in the Capital.” 

But our celebration was cut short when Bertolt flew down with his gear and saved Reiner just before the titan could eat him. 

“Boo! Bertolt! No fair!” I jeered, “You’re no fun!” 

“We are only trying to help you, (y/n),” Bertolt said as he landed on a different branch than Eren, Ymir and I, “We don’t want you to get hurt or die.” 

“I don’t give a fuck about what you want!” I scream at them, “What about what all the people you killed wanted?! Did you ever think of them?!” 

“No, not really.” Reiner shrugged, blood still pouring out of his broken nose.

Anger flared up in me when he said that. How can he be so cold? How many people exactly did they kill when they broke through the walls? How could they live among the people whose lives they have ruined? Especially Eren, they were so close with him, but little did Eren know, they were responsible for the death of his mother and the disappearance of his father. 

I was about to yell at them again, but I stop myself when I think about that memory that came to my mind before I woke up on this branch. 

It seems like I got quite a few people hurt and killed in my time in the capital. Am I really one to judge? I don’t exactly know the circumstances of what has happened with them before they got here. 

“What’s wrong with you, (y/n)?” Eren asks me, concern in his voice. 

“Huh?” 

“Reiner said you weren’t well, is that true?” 

“I think we should hear from Reiner and Bertolt,” Ymir spoke up, “They said they would explain once you and Eren were both awake.” 

“There really isn’t much more to say.” Reiner said, holding his head back, trying to stop the continuous flow of blood from his nose, “We are waiting until night fall, then bringing you to our homeland.” 

“And you expect us to just go without a fight?” Eren growled at them. 

“Eren, you don’t have the energy to transform,” Bertolt rolled his eyes at Eren, “And even if you did we are in titan territory. Look around us, there are titans everywhere. You still won’t have enough energy to outrun or defeat them all. Plus, (y/n) can’t turn into a titan, how would you get her back safely too?” 

“Eren,” I interrupt, “If you think I’ll hold you back at all don’t worry about me. You’re far more important than me, save yourself.” 

“Would waiting until night even matter?” Ymir cut in, “At the castle, the titans that attacked us were able to move around just fine at night.” 

Eh? I was under the impression titans couldn’t move around at night... what does she mean? 

“... That was different, Ymir. But I think you could have answered that questions yourself.” Reiner answered her. 

Ymir falls silent, she looks deep in thought... Why would Ymir know about such things? Ugh, what the fuck is going on? It definitely doesn’t help that I am still drunk, but at the same time, even if I were completely sober I still feel like I wouldn’t understand any of this. 

“When I was outside the wall last,” I get Reiner and Bertolt’s attention, “The female titan, Annie, saved me. Why?” 

“We asked her to avoid killing you if she could,” Bertolt spoke up, “That you would be a valuable person to have come back with us.” 

“Why though?” I let out a frustrated sigh. 

“You don’t belong here, you’re better off with us.” 

“... WHY THOUGH?!” 

“Let’s not get into this now,” Reiner interrupts, “Better settle in, we leave when the sun goes down.” 

Levi’s POV

As I expected the fight didn’t exactly last that long. The man was in over his head with me. It feels like he had to have known he was no match for me alone, but he fought anyway regardless of the odds. 

Uwe tosses me a towel as the crowd around the ring dissipates, disappointed because we didn’t kill each other. I stare at the towel in disgust, no way am I letting that dirty towel anywhere near me. 

“So why did you challenge me anyway, old man?” I prompt him as he leans against the edge of the ring with me, “You had to have known you were not going to win.” 

“I couldn’t just give you what you wanted,” He chuckled, “The boys would have thought I gone soft and they would never respect me again.” 

“Why wouldn’t you just refuse altogether? You know I don’t know much about Kenny, you know what he is like.” 

“I had to say I wanted something from you as well.” He admitted. 

“Any why would you risk your men looking down on you for giving up the information I wanted?” His actions aren’t really making a lot of sense to me. 

“You’ve met the girl, yeah?”

“Obviously.” 

“She has a way with people. Maybe it’s her cocky attitude, but she can afford to be cocky because she can back it up. She’s changed a lot since I’ve seen her last. Last time I saw her she couldn’t have been more than 7. She was dragged in here by her father quite often.” 

“Seth came here a lot?” I ask curiously. 

“Yeah,” Uwe nods, “Odd man he is, more paranoid than most. With the amount of people in the capital wanting him dead I guess that makes sense. Though I really don’t understand how he has been able to stay alive for as long as he has. I got theories, but no solid proof just here-say.” 

“So why was (y/n) down here?” I ask impatiently, I don’t need a history lesson or theories on her scum of the earth father. 

“She was looking for Edmund Digman,” Uwe replied finally, “That’s the information she was fighting for.” 

Digman, I’ve heard that name before. His name and portrait are posted in various locations above the ground as well as bellow. 

“Why?” 

“Something to do with Pearson and whatever shit is going on there,” He shrugged, “You heard about that shit storm that went down in Orvud District, yeah?” 

“Yeah, everyone has.” 

“Digman is tied closely to Pearson and whatever shady business they are participating in. Digman took a lot of people from the underground and brought them to Pearson.” 

“So? Why would (y/n) care?” 

“Why indeed,” He agrees, “He became much more active after a certain incident involving (y/n). I don’t know exactly what happened, but she was gravely injured and shortly after that, Digman began taking more and more people.” 

“How do you know that?” I narrow my eyes at him. 

“Her father told me. Seth snuck into Pearson’s and caught a glimpse of her. I’ve never seen the man so angry. I haven’t seen him since.” 

Why all of a sudden would (y/n) start going after him for that though? “What prompted her to look for Digman?” I ask him. 

“Who knows?” Uwe sighs, “Someone from the group of people that attacked at Banning’s party most likely, made some kind of deal with her. That’s the only thing I can come up with.” 

Uwe falls silent for a moment, deep in thought. I leave him to it, maybe he’ll think of something. I wasn’t there so I really couldn’t say. Uwe wasn’t there, but this bar is a major crossroad for many different ‘colourful’ characters. I’m sure he’s come up with some theories. 

“Well, your old pal Kenny is a good candidate,” He smirks at me, “He’s been getting more and more secretive as of late, and I heard he was at that party. I’ve heard from people that he’s been seen conversing with (y/n) in the past. I got no idea what he is planning, but he is definitely at odds with Pearson now. It wouldn’t be difficult for him to convince her to cooperate, they have similar enemies.” 

“He was working for Pearson?” Anger courses through me, what the fuck was Kenny doing getting involved with Pearson? Kenny doesn’t work with or for anyone unless they have something he desperately wants, like power. 

“Yeah well their relationship has gone south. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Kenny was the one who spoke to (y/n) about Digman, there is an obvious connection there. He used to work closely with Digman, but their relationship has soured as well. Having Digman dead probably benefits him in the long run.” 

“But why would she cooperate with Kenny of all people?” This is just something I can’t wrap my mind around, “Even if they do have similar enemies, it seems like it would be too big of a risk for her.” I say more to myself than to Uwe. 

“Maybe you should challenge her to a fight in the ring.” He laughs. 

“Why are you being so candid?” I glare at him suspiciously. 

“I owe her father a debt, figure if I can help her I will fulfil that debt.” 

“So you just give information about her to anyone who asks? That doesn’t seem helpful.” I press. 

“The girl needs help, she won’t admit it to anyone, but she is. She is getting involved in shit she shouldn’t, she’s in real trouble,” He mumbles, “I guess if Levi Ackerman can’t help her, who can?” 

I stand up straight and get ready to leave but he stops me, “And make sure she watches that mouth of her’s. It’s going to get her killed.” 

“I know,” I say with a smirk as I leave the bar. Digman, huh? Now that I think of him I do remember hearing about him before, but I didn’t know he was working for someone high up in the ranks of the capital. 

Why would (y/n) want to find him? Does Kenny really have something thing to do with it? Why? He hates the upper class more than most, so why would he bother getting involved instead of just watching them kill each other?

So many new questions and even fewer answers, where is that brat anyway? I make it back above ground and make my way back to HQ to track her down. 

Your POV 

We’ve been sitting here for awhile now, my ass is starting to feel numb from sitting on the hard branch. 

“You don’t happen to have any water on you do you, (y/n)?” Ymir asked me out of nowhere. 

“Oh that’s right, you probably haven’t had anything since your group has been outside the walls. How did that go? I mean obviously not that well, but did you at least find the hole where the titans are getting through?” I ask hopefully. 

“Not well, only a few of us survived, we got help up at a castle surrounded by titans. That’s when I turned into my titan. Now, again, do you have any water on you?” 

“No water, but I have this weird liquid I found. No clue what it is, but since you’re a titan now, I’m sure you will survive.” I offer. 

“You mean those small glass bottles that were in your cloak?” Bertolt interrupts, “They fell out of your cloak when we wrapped you in it.”

Anger flares up in me, I needed to examine those! I don’t know why I’m getting so angry, but I just feel like those bottles contained something important. Damn them! 

I’m fuming, so I get up onto my feet with some difficulty with my arms trapped under my cloak. The only thing I can do is pace up and down the branch, only partially listening to Ymir and the 2 fucking idiots chatting nonchalantly. 

I try to think back, were there any red flags when it came to Bertolt and Reiner? I don’t recall any... Wait... I told them where my squad was going to be in formation on our first expedition, even after Levi warned us not to... Would my squad be alive today had I not said anything? I was in such a hurry to get away away from them and I was very distracted, it just slipped out. 

I zone in and out listening to the conversation, I don’t need or want to listen to Reiner and Bertolt compliment each other on what fine imposters they have been. 

But something seems off... It almost sounds like they are trying desperately to justify their actions to each other. At least that’s what it sounds like to me, I’ve been wrong before. 

“Quit playing the victims here!” I hear Eren raise his voice, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to the conversation, “Do you expect us to feel bad for you? You’re mass murderers! Just you wait, I’m going to make sure I kill you both as slow and as painfully as possible.”

It can’t be that simple... Yes, Reiner and Bertolt killed a lot of people with their actions, there is no doubt about that. But they were kids when they first attacked the walls, no, there is something much bigger going on than a few kids deciding to turn into titans and attacking the walls. Who is really behind this? Or what? 

“Hey Reiner,” Ymir says after scolding Eren for his outburst, “What is with that monkey?” 

My ears perk up at that, monkey? What is she talking about? What went down in Mike’s group beyond the wall? An image flashes in my mind, a portrait in a book, a giant humanoid beast that closely resembles a monkey. 

Where did I read that book? I remember the portrait, but I don’t remember the words... 

I vaguely hear Reiner and Ymir talking but I’m no longer paying attention. I’m trying to focus on this book, what was it about? Where did I read it? 

Once again overwhelming pain reverberates throughout my body, causing my body to drop back down on the branch and convulse and shake. Eren tries to help, but there is little he can do, plus he currently doesn’t have arms. 

I’m getting closer to the truth, that’s why I am experiencing this much pain.

Reiner and Bertolt watch on the other branch with concern, hesitant to try and help me. I don’t blame them, they are right to stay away from me. Even without the full use of my arms and hands, I can still be very difficult to deal with. 

The pain subsides and I just continue to lay on the branch, breathing heavily, “(Y/n), how did you know Christa’s real name was Historia?” Ymir asks me. 

I feel everyone’s eyes continue to stare at me, I mean, I didn’t know that was her real name. It just slipped out, and I don’t really know why. That’s a good questions though, how did I know that her real name is Historia? 

“Pillow talk.” I shrug. 

“You know who she is?” Reiner cuts in. 

“Huh? I don’t know,” I mumble honestly, “Probably, but I don’t remember how...” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Reiner sighs, “Ymir, we have similar goals, you know we do. Do you honestly think this place has a future? Come with us, cooperate and we can help Christa too.” 

I can tell that got Ymir’s full attention, real one track mind that girl, “I can’t guarantee your safety, Ymir,” Reiner continues, “But I can guarantee that we will keep Christa safe, you too, (y/n).” He gives me a small smile. 

Ugh, his smile just pisses me off. Using quite a bit of force I kick one of my boots off at him, bouncing it off his face and falling to the titans below. 

“Didn’t your masters teach you how to dodge? Shouldn’t that he warrior 101?” I sneer. 

“... Don’t you mean ‘soldiers’ ?” Bertolt asked. 

“You said ‘warriors’ earlier, idiot. I may not have seemed like I was paying attention, but I do hear you. Is that what they call you from your hometown?” 

“I get that you’re angry, (y/n),” Bertolt says quietly, “But the lives we have taken have all been for the greater good. We had to do it, the survival of our homeland is more important than all of this.” 

“Don’t lie to me, Bertolt,” I growl at him, “You can spout all the nonsense you want, but I can see you’re more emotional about this than you are letting on. So stop trying to convince us that you’re cold and don’t care. Convince yourselves then go home.” 

“We can’t go home until the job is done.” Reiner insisted. 

“Awwww, can the little mass murderers not go home? Oh I’m just devastated for you, absolutely positively titillated with grief!” I snort sarcastically. 

I feel more arguing about to come to the surface, when I hear something way off in the distance. Reiner and Bertolt seem to notice too and look over to the horizon. 

“Shit, are those flares?” 

Yeah, there was no mistaking it, those were definitely flares. Excellent, the scouts have come to rescue Eren. 

“Damnit!” Reiner groans, “The scouts are on their way! We have to move!” 

“Yeah, let’s go,” I hear Bertolt say as he uses his gear to get over to the branch Ymir, Eren and I are on, “I’ll take Ymir and (y/n), you get Eren, Reiner.” 

“Come on, (y/n),” Bertolt holds his hands out toward me, “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” He looks sad and pathetic but also determined. I don’t exactly have a choice, they won’t leave without me. If I don’t cooperate it will just make things worse for me. 

All of a sudden I hear Eren start screaming at Reiner, and I can’t help but laugh at it. Here is Eren going against a guy that has twice the muscle mass of him and he doesn’t have any hands to boot. Respect! 

The alcohol also doesn’t help my current state of mind, I tend to get pretty giggly when I drink. As I’m distracted by the entirely one sided fight between Reiner and Eren, Bertolt makes sure my cloak is still tightly binding my arms to my body and pulls me closer to him so he’s ready once Reiner gets Eren under control. 

I half listen to the conversation going on between Bertolt and Ymir, but none of it makes sense to me. Something about Ymir eating one of their friends... What? 

“Eren doesn’t seem to remember either, is that always how it is?” Ymir asks. 

“Couldn’t really say for sure,” Bertolt answers, “It’s different for everyone to my knowledge.” 

Once Eren passes out Bertolt helps Reiner attach him to his back. When Eren was securely in place, Reiner lifted me up carefully and placed me onto Bertolt’s back and tied me in place the same way. More to the side though so Ymir could wrap her arms around Bertolt. 

“Weeeeeee!” I squeal when we take off, “Ymir! I’m flying backwards!” I giggle as the wind whips my hair around, watching the horizon disappear as we move deeper into the forest of giant trees. 

“You really are drunk.” Ymir chuckled under her breath. 

Suddenly a realization seems to occur to her and her eyes go wide, “Hang on!” She shouts, “If it’s the scouts, Christa is definitely with them! If you’re going to take her now is the time!”

“What?” Reiner shouted back at her, “How can you possibly know that?!” 

“She has a Christa seeking projectile in her pants!” I chime in. 

“Of course she came!” Ymir argues, “She’ll always come to save me!” 

“That is on brand for her.” I interject thoughtfully. Even if her default kind demeanour is false, she would do anything for Ymir. That includes following her into titan territory. That’s so adorable. 

“Even if that’s true, we can’t risk it,” Reiner counters, “We will come back for her, trust us!” 

“You’re forgetting that my titan has the advantage in this environment,” Ymir comments, “It’ll be pretty easy for me to take Eren and (y/n) from you and return to the scouts.”

“Ooooo she came to play!” I whoop at Ymir. 

“I’ll put it simply, either you let me get Christa now, and I will help you guys get out of this. Or I fight you, giving the scouts plenty of time to catch up.”

“Oh damn!” I laugh. 

Ymir forced Bertolt to a halt by distracting him too much; I guess it would be pretty difficult using ODM gear when someone is grabbing onto your face. 

It didn’t take them long to decide, they are pretty pressed for time after all, and arguing cannot be on the agenda, “Go,” Reiner relented, “Be quick.” 

Ymir let’s go of Bertolt and bites down on her hand, just like Eren does when he transforms. 

“Oooo!” I squeal when I see her titan, “Yes please! 10/10!” She was right, her titan is smaller and much quicker, perfect for getting through the forest of giant trees. 

“Jaw titan,” I didn’t even realize I said that out loud until Bertolt asked me what I said. I don’t know why that just came to me... It just did. I’m trying not to think too hard about it, I don’t fancy another wave of excruciating pain. 

I watch Ymir quickly disappear from site when I hear Bertolt speak up, “How did you know Historia was Christa’s name?” 

Ugh this again? Why does it matter so much to them? “Dunno,” I shrug, “Probably a dream, that’s how I get all my information these days.” 

Bertolt is silent as he and Reiner pick a spot a long the tree line to wait for Ymir. Probably so Reiner can transform as soon as Ymir gets back and make a final run for the wall. We land on another thick tree branch, when Bertolt decides to speak up again. 

“Look, you don’t have to hide anything from us, we want to help you no matter what. With your knowledge and skill you will be a very valuable asset to us.” 

“I don’t know!” I let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m not hiding anything, I just don’t fucking remember! But speaking of hiding things...” I look towards Reiner since I’m strapped to Bertolt and can’t look at him, “I wouldn’t be the only one hiding things.” 

“We-“ Reiner starts but I interrupt him. 

“No! Wait! Never mind, don’t speak a word, I don’t want to testify against either of you in a court of law.” 

“So you still think the scouts are going to capture us?” Reiner smirks at me. 

“Maybe. It might not be today, but they’ll get you eventually. The scouts, to titans, are like herpes, they go away for awhile, but they’ll always come back.” I smile at him. 

“Doesn’t matter, we won’t be here long, we have what we came here for.” Reiner says as he points to the unconscious Eren on his back. 

“Not exactly, you have a long way to go before you hit the walls. And the scouts are coming.” I remind him. 

“Yeah, figure one of your boyfriends is going to save you?” He snaps at me, face going a little red. 

“Yeah probably,” I say thoughtfully, “Do I detect a hint of jealousy.” 

“You detect a lot of jealousy.” He mumbles. 

“Is that really what you should be thinking about? Shouldn’t you be apologizing profusely for lying to us this entire time?” I growl at him. 

“Why would I apologize for something I don’t feel bad about?” 

“So you really don’t care?” I raise an eyebrow at him, not believing him at all. I usually pride myself in being able to read people, I know I’m not wrong about how he truly feels. 

“I really don’t.” He replies, but he is refusing to look at me now. He just looks around at the trees, avoiding my eyes as best he can. 

“That’s bullshit, Reiner and you know it! Of course you care! You spent years with these people and helped a lot of them! Stop acting like a child and admit it! Why is it so hard for you?! Look at you! You can barely look at me!” 

“What do you want from me, (y/n)?!” Reiner throws up his hands in frustration, “We did what we had to, I don’t have to explain shit to you! Stop trying to make me feel bad, you’re wasting your breath!” 

“That’s an interesting coping technique,” I smirk at him, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that until you’re blue in the face. Repeat it to yourself over and over again, until you forget it’s all a lie.” 

“Enough!” Bertolt shuts us both up, “Reiner, Ymir should be here soon. Put Eren on my back, I’ll hold onto (y/n) in my arms while you are transformed.” 

Reiner unattached Eren from his back as Bertolt removes me from his, setting me down gently on the tree we were standing on. Reiner strapped Eren to Bertolt, Eren still seems to be out cold. 

Bertolt looks at me nervously as he opens his arms to receive me. 

“Don’t be so worried, Bertolt,” I smile sweetly up at him, “I don’t bite.” 

“... I don’t believe that for a second.” He laughed nervously. 

“Here comes Ymir, get ready.” Reiner said as he jumped from the tree and cut his hand to transform into the armoured titan. 

“Boo! No finesse! No passion! Eren is much better at transforming! 2/10!” I yell at Reiner as Bertolt uses ODM gear to get onto Reiner’s shoulder.

I watch as Ymir jumps from a nearby tree and hangs onto Reiner’s other shoulder. Where is Christa? I thought she went to go get her...

My face falls when I look back at the trees and see some of the scouts that were so close to catching us, but yet so far away. 

However, I look to my right and see a lot more scouts on horses coming. We still have a chance of getting rescued. Well, Eren anyway, my priority is to make sure he gets rescued, I’ll worry about me later. 

Bertolt shifts me around so he can have one hand holding us up onto Reiner’s shoulder. Then I hear a weird noise next to me as Ymir spits Christa out of her mouth. 

“Ymir!” I hear her cough as she looks up at Ymir, who has partially freed herself from her titan. 

“Christa, I mean, Historia,” Ymir stutters a bit, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eat you like that.”

“HA!” I chuckle and wiggle my eyebrows at Bertolt, “She said, ‘like that’! No offence, but their love story is better than your’s and Reiner’s. Ship! Ship! Ship!” 

“What is this, Ymir?” Christa demands as she looks over to see Eren strapped to Bertolt and me being tightly held against him. 

“Hi Historia!” I smile brightly at her. 

“We came to rescue you guys, what is going on?!” She stares at us, wide eyed and confused. 

“I’m going with them,” Ymir says to Christa, “Come with me, there is no future here! It’s not so bad outside the walls, no one to say things like, ‘it’d be better if you had never been born.’” 

“Of course titans wouldn’t say that because they are titans! All they want to do is eat you!” Christa retorts. 

“Everyone has faults! If you ignore that part, they aren’t so bad!” Ymir yells back.

“Yeah Christa!” I chime in, amused that Ymir is defending titans, “All these flavours and you choose to be salty!” 

“This is going to be a long journey.” I hear Bertolt mutter under his breath. 

“Yep, you chose to take me too. So strap in big boy, you’re about to feel the full wrath of my drunken banter.” I tease him. 

“Ymir, nothing you say is making any sense! You’re being threatened by Reiner and Bertolt aren’t you?!” Christa is trying very hard to try and justify Ymir’s actions. 

As selfish as Ymir claims to be when it comes to Christa she would do anything to protect her. It is really an admirable quality of her’s; she’s a good person deep down. 

As the conversation continues to go on between Ymir, Christa and sometimes Bertolt, my mind travels to that memory in the dream I had before waking up in this mess. 

Mac seemed to know about what had been happening to me. I guess it really was the ultimate reason as to why he married me. How did he convince Laurie to let him take me? Now that I stop and think about it, it couldn’t have been just about the money... 

I feel a little shocked that he knew, he never said anything to me or even hinted that he knew. I’m a little disappointed with him. If he knew he shouldn’t have let them continue to dose me. He should have stoop up and said something. He should have known I would rather die than have people waste their time and other lives to keep someone like me alive. 

But I can’t really blame him, can I? I don’t know, I’m so confused and frustrated, my mind is so muddled. What was right or wrong for him to do in that situation? Who can really say? 

“Please, help me!” I’m shaken out of my thoughts and back into reality by Ymir pleading with Christa. What have I missed? 

“Ymir, you know I’m always on your side no matter what!” Christa replied to her with a smile. 

The soldiers have gotten closer since the last time I was paying attention and I think I hear Eren stirring a bit on Bertolt’s back. 

I see a solider use their ODM gear to get up to Eren, but Ymir grabbed the wire and sent the solider tumbling hard to the ground, “What the fuck, Ymir?!” I scream at her. 

Eren is definitely awake now, I can here muffled grumbles from him, speech being hindered by some clothe they stuffed in his mouth. 

I hear Ymir’s titan roar in pain suddenly, was that Mikasa I just saw? Oh shit, they are in trouble now, nothing gets between a wild Mikasa Ackerman and her Eren. 

Suddenly Bertolt moves us around to Reiner’s neck, “Protect us!” He shouts to Reiner who pulls up his hands to protect us on his neck. 

I could hear the sound of blades breaking off Reiner’s armoured fingers, probably Mikasa fighting to get to Eren. I look up and see one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen. 

“Oh damn!” I laugh loudly when I see Mikasa peer through Reiner’s fingers to see Eren. I’ve never seen such a scary face, glad I’m not the one she is glowering at. 

I can hear Mikasa argue with Christa, she must have gone for Ymir instead. I strain to hear the argument, but Eren starts pushing against the wall created by Reiner’s hands and starts pushing Bertolt against the other side of Reiner’s hand. 

“Ow! Eren stop!” Bertolt gasps, dropping me to try to push off against Eren. Since Eren has him distracted I start to wiggle hard to get my arms free, but it isn’t working very well. 

“Save your breath, Bertolt,” I hear Jean say from outside Reiner’s cupped hands, “You can gag and bind him all you want, that won’t make him any easier to deal with.” 

“(Y/n)!” I hear Connie call to me, “You in there too?” 

“Yep!” I call back, “Oh and Mikasa! Bertolt was totally bragging about stealing Eren from you! He was going on and on about how it doesn’t matter if you have an 8 pac of abs, you can’t stop their love!Oh, and he squeezed his ass on multiple occasions!” 

I laugh at the face Eren makes to me, “I’m just lighting a fire under her ass even more. Now she’s motivated even more to get past Reiner!” 

“Bertolt! Give him back!” The way Mikasa screamed sent shivers down even mine spine, can’t imagine what it must feel like to be at the receiving end of such a scary tone. 

The guys outside are trying to reach Bertolt emotionally. It must be hard for them, they spent years training with these guys, I’m sure they must feel very hurt by them. I feel bad for them for sure.

I watch Bertolt’s expressions quietly. He’s definitely struggling, their words are definitely getting to him. 

“There’s no need to listen to their excuses,” Mikasa cuts in, getting impatient, “We don’t have time for this, we need to hurry up and cut their necks so we can get Eren back. That’s what matters now. They’re a plague, stop trying to appeal to them.” 

“Who do you think actually wants to kill people!” Bertolt shouted suddenly, looks like he has finally had enough, “Who actually wants to do something like this?! Who wants to be hated like this?! We did what we had to and it can’t be undone! We can’t be forgiven, but we enjoyed acting as soldiers with you! Not everything was a lie, I enjoyed my time with all of you, I consider all of you comrades! There is no way we could ever begin to apologize for everything! I know this! Yet, please, please, someone please find us, please!” 

It’s happening, the truth finally shinning through. Bertolt is a broken man and my heart hurts for him. Despite everything I wish I could use my hands just so I could at least try to comfort him. I know I probably shouldn’t feel bad for them, but I do. I know this wasn’t their idea, they are doing someone else’s bidding, and it’s taking it’s toll on them. 

“Give him back, Bertolt.” Mikasa said in a monotone voice, unmoved by Bertolt’s speech. 

“I can’t,” Bertolt said quietly, “Someone has to do it... Someone has to get blood on their hands.” 

“Guys! Get out of there!” I hear someone call from the ground, “Erwin is coming with titans at the front!” 

Oh shit, Erwin is really desperate, huh? 

Bertolt grabs onto me and holds me in place against him tightly. 

Suddenly Reiner removes his hands from around his neck so he can use them to deal with the onslaught of titans. Bertolt has to use one of his hands to hang onto Reiner, and his other hand grabs at my cloak as I start to slip out of his grasp.

As I’m dangling there I start to wiggle a little more against my cloak, my arms are starting to wriggle free with the help of gravity. 

“(Y/n)!” Bertolt grunts with the effort of trying to pull me up, “Hold on!”

“Oh shit, brilliant!” I snort sarcastically, “That never fucking occurred to me!” 

I hang onto my cloak for dear life as Bertolt pulls me up so I can hang onto Reiner’s armour. 

I look up to see Mikasa speeding toward us on her ODM gear. Well if anyone can get to Eren through this mess, it is definitely her. But it doesn’t really work, a titan grabbed her before she could reach Eren, “Mikasa!” I gasp as the titan squeezes her tightly. 

Reiner raises his hand to cup Bertolt in it once again, “(Y/n)!” Jean calls to me after he freed Mikasa from the titan, “Let go! I’ll catch you!” 

“No!” I refuse, “I’m not leaving without Eren!” 

“Come on, Reiner!” Bertolt yelled, “We can do it! We’ve made it this far, we are getting Eren back home!” 

“Bertolt!” It was Armin who called to him this time, using his ODM gear to anchor himself to Reiner, “Is it really okay for you to leave a comrade behind like this?!” 

Oh boy, Armin has a crazed look in his eyes... This should be interesting. I wonder what he has planned... 

I think back to when we were still on those tree branches, hearing something about Reiner telling Bertolt he should tell Annie how he feels when he sees her again. Oh yes, I guess they would be especially close with the female titan, Annie. 

“Oooo Armin, is this going to turn into a battle for Annie’s affection? I could see how that conversation would go, ‘Oh Armin, I just want to be held in your lean arms, even though you make me very sexually confused because you look exactly like Christa and no one talks about it and it’s kinda weird...” I stop myself before going off on too much of a tangent. 

Bertolt gives me an annoyed look when I look up at him again, satisfied that I at least annoyed him a little. Take it home, Armin! Got him warmed up. 

“How can you leave Annie behind?” Armin continues, “She’s deep underground in the north... Being tortured.” 

I stare at Bertolt, watching his reactions. He looked both terrified and furious. Oh shit, I wasn’t expecting this from Armin, but it’s a good tactic. 

“If only you could hear her screams, you would understand that even if her physical wounds heal, there is no way to dull the pain. Don’t worry, there is great care being taken to make sure she doesn’t die. At this moment, her body still hasn’t had any time to rest. She’s still underground while we come up with more ingenious ways to make her suffer.” 

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn, Armin! You’re scary! Always gotta watch out for the quiet ones, huh?” I say as I nudge Bertolt in the side. 

Bertolt seems to have had enough of Armin’s words, “You son of a bitch!” He roars at Armin, “I’ll kill you all!”

He grabs one of his blades and starts to lunge at Armin, when I see a large figure show up out of nowhere and cut Eren free from Bertolt. 

It was Erwin, I was overjoyed to see him. I jump from Reiner’s hand and grab onto him as Mikasa grabs Eren. 

Erwin and I land on Erwin’s horse smoothly, “All units pull back!” Erwin shouts to the rest of the soldiers as we speed away from Reiner and Bertolt. 

“Are you alright?” Erwin asks as he wraps an arm around me, “Look at me.” 

I finally take my eyes off of Reiner and Bertolt and focus on Erwin... Is he missing an arm? 

“You look different, Erwin. New hair cut?”

“No, just got rid of an appendage.” He replies with a smirk. 

“Well I hope you’re ambidextrous.” I giggle and give him a genuine smile. Boy was I happy to see him. 

Before I can say anything else he kisses me as if he has never kissed me before. So much feeling and need that I wasn’t used to from him, but it was pleasant all the same and I kiss him back eagerly. 

I pull away from the kiss when I hear a loud thump. I look behind Erwin and notice titans were being thrown by Reiner. Seems like he is so desperate to get Eren he doesn’t even care if he is eaten. 

“Oooo! New game! Titan toss, fuuun!” I giggle as I clap my hands. 

“You really do have an odd sense of humour.” Erwin sighs. 

“Hey, you picked me. No takes backs. Plus,   
you know what they say, what doesn’t kill you gives you an unhealthy set of coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humour.” 

I hear another loud thump and I see Eren and Mikasa fall off their horse. I don’t have ODM gear on me anymore, even if I did, there is nothing to attach to other than titans. 

I sigh and give Erwin one final kiss on his cheek, “My heart for the cause, Commander Erwin, sir!” I salute Erwin with a sad smile.

“(Y/n)!” I hear him scream after me as I jump off his horse and run into the madness toward Eren. Honestly, I don’t know what I can do, but maybe I can distract enough titans to stay away from him. Even if I can buy him a little more time, it will be worth it. 

I try to weave in and out of other soldiers and their horses, but it’s complete mayhem. There are people panicking everywhere, but I keep my eyes on Eren. 

As I get closer and closer I can feel the all too familiar feeling of my legs beginning to give out. No! Not now, please! But my body is not in my control, they give up and I fall to the ground. 

Fuck it! I’ll crawl if I have to. I drag myself along the ground, refusing to give in. But with all the commotion going on around me, it was only a matter of time before I get trampled by people, titans or horses. 

If anything, Eren and Mikasa seem even farther away and I’m starting to lose hope. I feel my legs are starting to come back under my control and I begin to stand. 

But as soon as I get up, I look up and see a horse galloping straight at me. There wasn’t enough time to move, the horse barrelled into me and then nothing but darkness. 

Author’s POV 

The scene is horrific from every perspective. Reiner trying everything in his power to get Eren, even if it means another titan eating him. At least if that were to happen it would be easier to grab that person when they transformed out of their titan body. 

Eren and Mikasa watched desperately as Hannes fights the very same titan that killed his mother, and then fail. 

Christa trying desperately to help Ymir, not wanting to leave her. Too stubborn to give up on her. 

Armin trying just as desperately to protect an unconscious Jean, but the titans are closing in. 

Erwin turned around to go after you, his heart stopped when you collapsed onto the ground and started crawling. A titan was thrown not far from him, the force of the impact knocking his horse off its hooves and Erwin off its back. 

He steadies himself to make his way over to you. You were on the ground unconscious now, blood pouring out of your head. 

“No.” He whispers as he grabs onto you with the only arm he has left. He pulls you to him as he examines the wound on your head. He listens to your breathing, it was laboured and shallow but it was still there. 

The situation was hopeless, everyone around him was fighting a losing battle. Erwin waited with you in his lap, waiting for death. He had to try, but it’s out of his hand now. He gives you a final kiss, “I love you.” He whispers to you. He had to tell you, one way or another. 

He closed his eyes and held onto you, but suddenly he heard gasps around him. He looks up to the most unlikely of situations. Titans were no longer attacking the soldiers, they were running for the titan that was closing in on Eren. 

In that shocking moment, Erwin acted fast, “Retreat! Don’t waste this opportunity!” 

With renewed determination and hope he grabbed onto a nearby horse and lifts you up onto the saddle first. He mounts up behind you and holds onto you tight, “Don’t you dare die on me now,” He begged you, “Just hang on a little longer.” 

Eren was running with Mikasa when he caught a glimpse of Reiner and Bertolt again. He screams threats at them as he retreated, sending the titans to redirect their attention the them instead. 

No one understands what is happening, especially not Eren, but they can pounder about that later, they have to get out of there. 

Ymir and Christa have an emotional goodbye, but Ymir knows with Eren’s powers, is it possible the world within the walls has a chance at a future. Leaving Christa is the hardest thing she has ever had to do, but she doubles back to help Reiner and Bertolt. 

You didn’t have a lot of time, you had some pretty severe injuries and you needed medical attention right away. There is no guarantees the titan spinal fluid running through your veins will save you, especially now that it seems like some of the effects are wearing off. But Erwin vowed to get you back home safely, he was not going to accept going through all of this just to have you die at the finish line.


	40. Chapter 40: Torn

Author’s note: This chapter is a bit heavier than the other ones so far, apologies.

Your POV

_I open my eyes and see nothing around me but darkness... Where am I? What's happening? Even Laurie's deepest and darkest cells were not this black. It feels like a void, like no light would be bright enough to penetrate it. I push myself up off the ground and look around me, but there is nothing._

_Where is everyone? Erwin? Levi? Eren? Reiner? Bertolt? Anyone? I decide to pick a direction and just start walking in it. I walk for awhile in the impenetrable darkness, when I finally see a little sliver of light._

_Yes! I walk faster toward the light, eager to get to it so I can figure out where I am. As I get closer it seems like I'm approaching a small dimly lit room. I get more and more confused as I get closer and closer._

_It looks like a hospital room, but not just that, it looks like a hospital room at the scout hospital. I stop just on the edge of the blackness that still surrounds me, staring at the dimly lit room, a feeling of dread washing over me._

_I don't want to go in the room, I'm scared. I back up from the edge of the dimly lit hospital room and I can feel my heartbeat faster and faster as I study the room._

_There is nothing really in the room other than a few lanterns, some candles and 2 beds. I've been avoiding looking at the figure lying in one of the beds, I don't want to look at it. But I have to._

_I finally force my eyes to look at the person laying in the one hospital bed. My stomach drops as I look at my own (h/l) (h/c) hair on the pillow, eyes closed, pale skin bruised and bandages wrapped around their head. It was me._

Hange's POV

"So use some fancy capital medication on her! You said she should be awake by now!" I hear Levi arguing with Dr. Thompson, they have been at it for days, ever since they returned from the rescue operation for Eren.

(Y/n) was in poor condition when Erwin brought her back. She had a nasty head wound and some major bruising from being trampled on while she was unconscious out in the field.

"It's not magic, Levi!" Thompson fires back, frustration building up over the past several days since they returned, "I said it is likely she will wake up around this time, but I never said I was certain! I've done everything I can for her! I can't force her to wake up! The only thing we can do is wait and hope!"

"That's bullshit!" Levi kicks over a medical trey, sending the contents to the floor, "You know something, what aren't you telling us?"

"Can you keep it down?" Erwin groans from the next bed, "Some of us are trying to recover."

"Maybe the yelling will force (y/n) to wake up to tell you guys to shut up," I smile hopefully, "Hey someone should go get her oldest sister, Katrina. If she is here I'm sure (y/n) will wake up just to tell her to get the fuck out."

Erwin refuses to leave (y/n) since he brought her in, he made sure they were put in a double room together so he could keep an eye on her. But it's been 4 or 5 days since they returned, and there has been no change in her condition.

I don't know how he managed to do it, as soon as he got (y/n) to the hospital he finally collapsed. He lost a lot of blood, but he was determined to get her here safe, so much so that his body ignored the severity of his own injuries to get her back here first. Quite extraordinary when I think about it.

Levi has been going insane with worry for (y/n), so he's been lashing out at everyone. Erwin has been mostly quiet and keeps to himself as he silently watches over (y/n). I haven't really had a chance to ask Levi about what he was able to learn in the underground, but our minds have been occupied with other things.

The confusing situation of titans showing up within Wall Rose with no breech in the walls whatsoever. Every inch of the walls was examined, no hole was found.

We lost many soldiers out there, losing Mike, Nanaba and Gelgar especially is a tough loss we have to make up for. And if we lose (y/n) too, the morale of the scouts may never come back.

Your POV

_I hear voices around me in the room. But I don't see anyone else other than me. It kind of feels similar to when I dreamed about finding myself in those bushes in the capital... Except I can't see the people who are talking._

_I feel like I can hear Erwin and Levi for sure, I know their voices anywhere, but I can also recognize Hange's voice as well as Peter. I can't decipher what they are saying though, their voices overlapping the other in an endless chain of communication I can't understand._

_Frustrated and unsure of what to do I lean against the wall and slide down until I land on the floor, covering my ears with my hands._

" _That won't help," A hand lands on my shoulder making me jump, "They are in your head, you can't block them out."_

_I look to my side and see Andrea... Andrea? What the hell? She died awhile ago._

_"Surprised to see me?" She smiles at me, pushing some of her auburn hair away from her face, "I'm not surprised to see you though, it was only a matter of time before you joined me."_

_I was shocked, I couldn't form words so I just stared at her dumbfounded, "Did you miss me, Peitho?" Her sweet smile turns into a twisted one, "I've missed you. I've been waiting for you actually."_

_She moves closer to me, so close I can feel her breath on my skin, "You didn't think you could get me killed and not have to suffer the consequences, did you?"_

_"I'm sorry-" I croak._

_"Sorry? Sorry?! You ruined me, (y/n). Do you even understand the full extent of what they did to me after they caught you? Of course you don't, you just get to forget and move on with your life. Well, let me enlighten you."_

_Andrea stands up from next to me and moves to stand in front of me instead. Suddenly she falls to the ground screaming in pain. Her skin started splitting creating sores all over her exposed flesh. Her hair started falling out in clumps until she was left with just a few patches here and there._

_I cover my mouth to try and keep myself from screaming, the horrifying scene in front of me was making me feel ill._

_"This is the effect those injections had on me." She whispered so quietly I almost couldn't understand her, "But that wasn't even the worst of it." She forces herself to look up at me, even though it causes her a great deal of pain, "I survived long enough to watch my family forget about me. My younger sister was so lost without me, and she couldn't even understand why. She overdosed and died alone. My parents were torn apart, an empty hole in their heart where I used to be. My brother who fought so hard to try and get me back lost his will to live. I was his reason for fighting, and he died himself a week after I was erased from his mind."_

_"Stop." I try to cover my ears and close my eyes, but her words reach me anyway. I try to scream to cancel out her screams, but that just makes it worse._

_I curl up on the floor and wait for it to stop._

Levi's POV

I keep staring at her as if that will make her wake up from her coma. But there is little else I can do, she hasn't woken up at all since she arrived here.

I was kicking myself when I got back to HQ and was told a group went beyond the wall to save people that went beyond the wall that also left to save people beyond the wall..

Even more frustrated when I heard that (y/n) was taken along with Eren and yet another cadet that can turn into a titan. I guess the theorizing Hange was doing with Eren's group was correct, it was Reiner and Bertolt.

I wanted to rip them apart when I heard they took (y/n) too. What the fuck was she doing outside Wall Rose? One of the many questions I have for her when she wakes up.

My frustration isn't helped by Erwin insisting on having his bed in the same room as her's. Shouldn't he be allowed to go back to his own room now? I haven't had a chance to just sit and be alone with her. Just her presence can help me calm down, but Erwin being here puts me on edge.

It's not just Erwin, people are in and out constantly checking on (y/n). Right now Hange is also here along with Eren and Armin. They are both picking Eren's brain trying to see what he can remember from the conversations between the titan shifters while they held them captive.

Can't they do that somewhere else? Why do they have to be here to have this conversation? I was about to yell at them when I see (y/n) stir a bit.

The others seemed to notice too because they stopped talking and rushed to her bedside.

"(Y/n)?" Hange called her quietly, but there is no response.

"Thompson!" I yell, knowing he isn't that far away, he never is, "Get in here!"

Thompson quickly makes his way into the room, "What? What's going on?"

"(Y/n) was stirring." Hange answered him.

He looks a little more hopeful as he stares down at her, "(Y/n)," He says more loudly than Hange, "Can you hear me?"

There is no response. Thompson let's out a frustrated sigh and puts his hand on her forehead and pulls up one of her eyelids. It was just an automatic reaction on my part, I reach out and slap his hand off of her.

"Levi," Thompson sighs, "I'm checking her pupils, will you allow me to do my job, please? We are on the same side."

I'm not so sure about that. I glare at him but don't interfere as he holds a light closer to her, "Her pupils respond to light,” He notes quietly to himself, “She hasn’t shown signs of any major brain damage, so why isn’t she waking up?”

Something is strange about the light he used to check (y/n)’s eyes, I haven’t seen something like that before. The small tool he used has a bright light on it, but no obvious source of that light. It is not a candle or a lantern, where did he get that from?

Thompson notices me staring at it, “A gift from the capital.” He answered the question I thought about asking.

I watch him carefully as he mumbles to himself. I can almost see the gears turning in his head, what is he thinking? What is he planning? He hasn’t said much about her condition,but it’s obvious he’s having some kind of inner conflict.

(Y/n) stirs again and scrunches up her face as if she were in pain. Then suddenly an ear piercing scream shatters the silence of the small hospital room. It’s coming from (y/n) still unconscious, but screaming.

Thompson puts pressure on her and tried to nudge her awake by calling to her, but it doesn’t work. After a couple minutes she calms down and immediately falls silent again.

“At least we know her lungs are fine.” Hange chuckles as she lowers her hands from her ears.

“It isn’t funny, Hange,” Eren glares at her, “It’s obvious she’s suffering.”

“I’m just acting the way she would react,” Hange shrugs, “She makes jokes when she is uncomfortable, unsure and wants to lighten the mood, I do too. It’s what she would want!” She finishes with a gentle smile.

There is a knock on the hospital room door and Thompson leaves (y/n) to go and answer it, “Elizabeth, everything okay? What are you doing back here? I told you I would come for you and your brother when I have new information about (y/n)’s condition.”

(Y/n)’s half sister, Elizabeth, walked into the room looking pale. She looks like she has been crying, “I still need to see her, so there hasn’t been any changes at all?”

I don’t think any of us wanted to tell her about the screaming fit she just had, so none of us said a word about it, “No, no change,” Thompson places a comforting hand on her shoulder, “But don’t give up on her, we haven’t.”

“I’m not just here to check on (y/n), I have also come to get you.” Elizabeth said to Thompson, wiping some fresh trees from her face, “It’s about our mother, can you come quickly?”

Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good. I hope it isn’t anything too serious, the last thing (y/n) needs is to wake up to more problems.

Author’s POV

Lawrence has been keeping a low profile since the incident at Banning’s party. It’s more clear than ever that Kenny is working for Reiss exclusively now, and that’s not good for Lawrence.

Kenny must have told him what their plan really is, now he is going to have to continue doing damage control with the king. He can’t have things falling apart now, he is so close. And it definitely doesn’t help that one of his closest allies, David Sanderson, refuses to help. He will have to figure out a way to make him join the fight, otherwise Lawrence is going down.

There was a loud knock on his office door, “What?!” He yelled irritably to whoever had the nerve to bother him.

The door opens to reveal Conrad standing there, “Sir, we have news on Digman.”

He stops looking down at his desk and narrows his eyes at Conrad, “And? Out with it! Where has he been?”

“He’s dead, sir.” Conrad answered him nervously.

Lawrence felt himself start to shake, too angry to keep it under control. He kicked himself away from his desk and flipped it in one swift movement, sending papers and ink all over the floor.

“Go with some MPs to his cabin, see if you can find any evidence to whom is responsible.” Laurie said through gritted teeth as he looked at the mess around his office now.

“That won’t be necessary, sir.” Conrad said quietly as he reaches for something in his pocket.

Lawrence was on him in a second, wrapping his hands around Conrad’s neck watching his face go red as he scratches at Lawrence’s forearms and hands, “Are you back talking me, Helios? When I tell you to do something, you fucking do it. You know better than that.”

Conrad let’s go of Lawrence’s hand to fumble in his pocket and pull out a note, “What is this rubbish?” Lawrence glares at him with his wild amber eyes before he looks at the note. Once he focused on the writing he dropped Conrad, leaving him to gasp and catch his breath.

He examines the note you left behind, he knew your writing right away.

‘Tag, you’re it, Twat. Come and get me.

Love always, Peitho xoxo’

A sinister smile spreads across his face when he reads your note. He’s been busy dealing with the consequences of Kenny dropping out from under his control, but this sparked renewed determination within him to make you suffer.

“Oh, I’ll come get you my pet, make no mistake about that.” He whispered to your note, ideas coming to his head.

“Helios!” Conrad jumps when he hears his pet name being called by Lawrence, he was still trying to catch his breath, “Get me Clio, we have some plans to make. Brilliant, perhaps this will force David into action too.”

Conrad’s eyes go wide, he knows what this means for you. After you helped him at Banning’s party he was trying to keep a low profile. He knew he would be dead if it weren’t for you, and as such he didn’t want to participate or have a hand in your downfall. And with everything that has been going on recently, Lawrence has been distracted.

But when Conrad was ordered to go out to look for Digman with a couple guards and found your note, and his dead body buried in the back, his stomach dropped. He knew this meant he would direct most of his attention to you once again.

He even considered killing the 2 guards he came with and try to hide Digman’s death for as long as he could. That way he could warn you they would find out soon. But the guards were well armed and he didn’t stand a chance in taking them both out.

He had to give your note to Lawrence, if he refused he knew Lawrence would have him tortured and worse. Conrad isn’t strong enough to stand up to Lawrence, you have been the only one who refuses to be completely under his control.

It pained him to do it, but he had to. He didn’t know for sure what Lawrence had planned, but if it involves Celeste, it involves Benjamin. There relationship has gotten more serious, especially with Lawrence distracted by Kenny’s betrayal.

Conrad didn’t know what your motives were for killing Digman first. He should be on your list, sure, but why would you kill him first if you were going on a revenge killing spree? He was definitely the most difficult one to get to...

“Now Conrad!” Conrad jumped right to attention when he heard Lawrence say his real name. He doesn’t have a choice, he left immediately to go bring Celeste to Lawrence.

Your POV

_Andrea is gone thankfully, I’ve been sitting in silence for who knows how long. I can see people here now, but they don’t see me. I see Levi, Erwin, Hange, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Beth, Ben... Peter._

_They all talk to me, but I don’t answer, I can’t answer. I just listen quietly to what they have to say. I stare at my unconscious body, not understanding why I don’t just wake up. I am in and out of listening to Ben talk about his relationship with Celeste. He sounds happy, I hope he keeps smiling. When Beth comes she doesn’t say much, just sits with me for awhile. I wonder what is wrong with her, she seems so sad._

_Behind her I see Levi, Erwin and Hange talking. I wonder what they are talking about. Is it about the titans? I would kill to know what is going on with the titans. What have they been up to? Have there been anymore titan shifters discovered? Did they do more research into Reiner and Bertolt’s backgrounds?”_

_It hurts me a little bit every time I see Levi and Erwin. They don’t say much to each other, they are the ones that are with me the most, other than Peter. I want to touch them, talk to them, tease them, cheer them up, feel their warmth... They are so close... I miss them. Though they don’t say it out loud, but I can tell they are taking my absence hard._

_“Must be nice,” I am startled when I hear a voice suddenly from next to me, “To have the captain worry about you like that. You don’t deserve his affection.”_

_It was Petra, but she looked... Wrong. There was blood coming out of her mouth and she is leaning against the wall with her chin and chest pressed against it. She was in the position I saw her briefly in when she was killed by the female titan._

_I gasp and push away from her as fast and as hard as I could, “Yeah, the captain’s pet through and through.” I hear a male voice right behind me. This time it was Oluo, he was laying on the floor, body completely broken from that killer kick from the female titan he received after Petra died._

_“How awful,” I look to my right and see Eld crawling toward me, lower body missing, leaving a trail of blood and viscera as he crawls closer, “Awful that the commander and the captain bother with such filth.”_

_“Stop it,” I cry out, “Please stop!”_

_The only way I can go is left, I scramble to move in that direction but I bump into the hanging body of Gunter, head barely hanging on to the rest of his body, almost completely severed, “How does it feel?”He asks, looking at me with dead eyes, “To know that we died and trash like you survived. You deserve way worse than death.”_

_“I know.” I say quietly._

_My dead squad mates surround me and continue to taunt me. Once again all I can do is cover my ears and scream and beg for them to stop._

_I don’t know how much more of this I can take, death has to be better than this._

Erwin’s POV

“What are you doing?” I ask Thompson sternly as he jerks himself away from (y/n).

“Erwin,” He laughed nervously, “I thought you were going to the Mess Hall for dinner.”

“I’m not hungry,” I narrow my eyes at him, “What are you doing?” I repeat.

I see a glimpse of a syringe being tucked into his lab coat, “What is that?”

“Medicine.” He replied simply.

“... Then why didn’t you give it to her?”

“It’s just... Something I thought might work on her. But she may be upset with me if I give it to her.” He answers me quietly.

“Why?”

“It’s a very rare drug, and she would strangle me if I used it on her. She would say it’s a waste.”

“Will it help her?” I ask.

“I don’t know for certain.” He says honestly.

“Maybe you should leave then.” I say sternly as I walk closer to (y/n)’s bedside.

“Yes, perhaps I should.” Thompson nods at me and leaves the room.

I sigh heavily as I play with a few strands of her (h/l) (h/c) hair, studying her face for her changes. But as usual there is nothing. My brain is still getting used to the fact that I no longer have a right arm, so I find myself reaching out for her with a limb that is no longer there.

More than anything I want to wrap both my arms around her, but that is no longer something I can do. It’s been a little over a week now and there has been no change. Thankfully I haven’t been discharged yet, even if I were to be released, I would not leave her. I don’t know what Thompson is up to, but I feel like I need to protect her.

I’ll stay here no matter what, I can’t sleep unless I’m in here with her. I kiss her forehead gently, grab the book on my bedside table and lay down on my own bed.

I try to pay attention to the words, but it’s difficult. All I can really think about is (y/n), and doing my best to will her to live. Physically, all signs point to that she should be okay, whatever is holding her back she has to fight it on her own.

Your POV

_How long have I been here? It feels like I’ve been here for years. Tormented by the people who died around me or because of me. This has to be hell._

_Maybe I do deserve this, maybe I’m finally getting what’s coming to me. I can’t even remember what fully happened to all the names of the people who died because of me._

_But they show up one after another anyway. Bodies mutated and wounded beyond recognition from the experiments that were meant for me. This is the first time in a long time where I have had some quiet. Now I’m just laying on the floor, watching my unmoving form in my hospital bed._

_“Are you okay?”_

_Come on, I can’t catch a break! I roll over from looking at my hospital bed to stare at the wall._

_“It’s me.” The male voice said._

_“That name doesn’t ring a bell.” I mutter._

_“Idiot, turn around.” The voice chuckled._

_“No.” I curl my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them._

_“You don’t recognize my voice?”_

_“I do. That’s why I don’t want to turn around.” I reply simple._

_“Are you angry with me?” He asked._

_“Only if you lie to me.”_

_“Ask me anything and I’ll tell you.” He reassures me._

_“Did you know the truth about me?”_

_“Why ask the question when you already know the answer?” He responds._

“ _This is my subconscious, yes? If I don’t know the answer you can’t answer my question.” I noted._

_“Would the answer change the way you look at me?” He asked tentatively._

_“... I don’t know,” I answer him honestly, “But I need to hear it from you. I won’t fully believe it if I just go off of my dreams.”_

_“Yes, I knew.” He finally admits._

_“You knew, and instead of telling me you just let me live and be happy and blissfully unaware when you knew what was happening to other people because of me.”_

_“No, it wasn’t like that, I -“_

_I finally turn around to look into Malcolm’s sad familiar brown eyes, “Shut up! Get away from me! Get out of here! Go! You let them put this on me, you stood there and let people die to save me!”_

_But he wouldn’t, he just stepped closer. Even though I tried hard to push him away, he persisted. He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me against his chest._

_“First Peter, now you,” I say into to his chest, “Was any of our interactions real and genuine? Did you even love me, or was I just something you were tasked with?”_

“ _I love you more than anything,” He answered as he kissed the top of my head, “That’s why I had to do what I had to in order to keep you alive. Even if it was the last thing I would do.”_

_We sit in silence for awhile, he knows to let my anger simmer for a little bit before getting me to talk again. Of course I can’t stay angry with Mac, he died trying to save me. That fact will haunt me until I die. But before long, he speaks up again, “You’re angry.” He notes._

_“Aren’t you?” I finally look up at Malcolm, raising my eyebrows at him._

_“No, (y/n), I’m not angry.” He smiles down at me, “I wouldn’t have changed anything, Peter gave me an opportunity to save you and I had to do it.”_

“ _I don’t see it that way.” I mumble._

_“I know,” He sighs, “But try. My only regret is that I left you alone to be sent back to Pearson. That is something I can never apologize for.”_

“ _It would have been better if you had just let the spinal fluid effects wear off on me and let me die,” I smile sadly back at him, “You could have lived a full life, had kids, a healthy wife, a dog maybe...”_

_He flicked me on my forehead, “I really want to slap you.”_

“ _Why?” I laugh, “It’s true, when I lived with you I even forgot I could not have kids thanks to Laurie’s insane birth control methods.”_

_“No offence, but I wouldn’t want you to have our kids, your genetics kind of suck.” He smirked at me._

_I slap him playfully, “Shut it.” I giggled._

“ _There was no one but you for me, (y/n),” Mac says quietly as he plays with a few strands of my hair, “Even if you had died, I wouldn’t have moved on.”_

_We just stare at each other for a little bit, thinking about the life I almost had. But it’s gone and I can never have that life, even if Mac were still alive. Not with the circumstances the way they are, I’ll never be able to find true happiness and that’s what Laurie ultimately wants._

“ _You can’t stay here, (y/n), you don’t belong here.” Mac says suddenly._

_“I don’t want to stay here.” I glare at him, what’s he on about? He is making it seem like I want to be stuck in limbo or wherever the hell I am._

_“Yes you do, you’re letting yourself be punished for things that were out of your control.”_

“ _But most of it was in my control!” I shrug out of his arms so I could stand in front of him, “If my mother didn’t have me Laurie wouldn’t have bought me. His staff wouldn’t have experimented on me, they wouldn’t have tortured and killed people for me, you would be alive, I wouldn’t have been a nosy bitch, and I wouldn’t have ruined lives! So much suffering and it all started with me, Malcolm!”_

_“(Y/n), even if you weren’t born they would have just done those things to someone else,” Mac said as he stands up too, “This goes way beyond just you, you were just the one he chose. It was going to happen to someone whether it was you or someone else.”_

_Mac pauses and lifts his hand to caress my face, “Are these real tears?”_

_I can feel him wipe away a few tears I didn’t even realize I was producing, “I don’t think I have ever seen you cry.” He says quietly._

_“I don’t cry in front of people,” I smile sadly, “I’m the comic relief, remember? After I make others feel better then I go away by myself and break down when no one is looking.”_

“ _That sounds healthy.” He smiles his signature crooked smile at me._

_I grab his hand and remove it from my face, his touch just makes me feel sad because it isn’t real, “I don’t want to stay here,” I reaffirm as I look over at my unconscious form in the hospital bed, “But I feel like I deserve this.”_

_“Well, you’re not dead yet, you still have time.”_

_“What do I have to do?”_

_“You’re not ready yet, many people have been hurt and died because of you, it is true,” He replied simply, “And you’re the only one who can make things right.”_

“ _But how?”_

_“Knowledge is painful.”_

_“... It’s pronounced ‘power’, Malcolm,” I correct him, “‘Knowledge is power.’”_

_“Not to you.”_

_I scrunch up my face in confusion, he’s so philosophical now... I don’t like it._

_“You know what you have to do,” He grabbed my hand and placed a gentle kiss on it, “You’re just afraid to.”_

_I watch him silently as he slowly disappears, leaving me alone again with my unconscious body._

Levi’s POV

It’s been almost 2 weeks now, and still no change. Every time I see her I feel like she is getting paler and paler. She feels cold to the touch and her breathing seems to be slower and more laboured.

I stare at her face and notice a couple tears leaking from her eyes. I haven’t seen tears coming from her yet, this is definitely new. She’ll scream once in awhile, but I’ve never seen tears. Hell, I’ve never seen her tear up before, conscious or otherwise. What is going on in that mind of her’s?

There is a knock at the door, interrupting the conversation Erwin and Pixis were having, “That’s probably Hange,” I mutter as I stand up from the chair next to (y/n)’s bed and head over to the chair next to Erwin’s, “Get in here.”

Hange opens the door with one of the new cadets next to her, “Ah, you’re here too, Pixis,” Hange says as she salutes Erwin, “Perfect timing.”

Hange and the cadet enter the room and close the door behind them, “No change?” The cadet asks as he looks over at (y/n). Oh yeah, I guess I have seen him in here before, but I don’t know his name.

“No,” I answer irritably, “Hurry up with your report, Hange.”

“Yes well, as you know we have been investigating the strange appearance of titans in Wall Rose without any holes in the exterior,” She pauses to gesture to the cadet standing next to her, “This is...”

“Connie Springer, of the 104th class, sir!”

“He is from Ragako village, which is the one that has been the main focus of our investigation,” Hange continues, “His knowledge of the area and the village has been paramount.”

“You’ve worked hard, Springer.” I nod at him.

“Yes.” He replied quietly.

“When you go to the village, the houses seem to have been destroyed by explosions from the inside. Though there is a significant lack of blood for such a thing to have occurred. Even stranger yet, we were not able to locate a single resident of the village dead or otherwise. Escape seems unlikely as all the horses seem to be accounted for. What’s more, the number of titans we encountered and suppressed within the wall is exactly the same as the number of residents of Ragako village.” Hange pauses briefly to let the information sink in a little before she continued.

“In regards to the evidence we have collected, I believe it is safe to assume that the true forms of the titans that appeared are indeed the residents of Ragako village.”

... What the fuck?

“Connie brought a portrait of his parents when we went to investigate,” Hange said as she pushed Connie forward a little bit, “The titan on top of Connie’s parent’s house was unable to move, and the resemblance between the portrait of Connie’s mother and the titan are uncanny.”

“The titan spoke to me,” Connie said confidently, “She said, ‘welcome home’. Reiner and Ymir said that it wasn’t possible,” He continued quietly, clenching his hands into fists, “But they knew exactly what had happened, and they knew it was possible the whole time.”

“So, in other words,” Erwin spoke up this time, “The true forms of titans are indeed humans?”

“At present it is still only a theory, we still don’t know if all titans are like this,” Hange continues, “However, going off of what we have surmised so far, this explains why the titans are vulnerable in their necks, and why, despite their height, they don’t weigh very much.”

“Hang on,” I speak up, “Haven’t you dissect a titan’s nape before? Did you not notice anything that indicates an actual human was in there?”

“I did take a look, yes,” Hange sighs thoughtfully, “It’s unlikely human organs can reside in the titans neck, but the 1 m by 10 cm region there were some structures where a human brain and spinal cord could have fused with the titan’s body.”

“So you’re basically saying all this time we have been wasting human lives to fly around killing humans this whole time?” I ask her quietly.

“I don’t have solid proof,” Hange answered, “But yes, I believe so.”

“So if this is true,” Pixis chimes in, “How do you tell the difference between titans like Eren from regular titans?”

I realize I haven’t heard Erwin say much to this revelation, theorizing is right up his alley. How has he not contributed at all to this, “Erwin,” I say as I turn to look at him but pause when I see a smile on his face.

“Hey, what are you smiling about?” I ask him, a little unsettled.

Erwin removes the smile right away, “Ah, nothing.”

“.... You’re a creepy man.”

“So I’ve been told.” He smirks.

I return his smirk, “Is that why you joined the survey corps? Because being an outright serial killer is illegal?”

“Come on, Levi” Erwin sighs, “Give me a break, don’t you feel bad for me? I did get my arm eaten after all.”

I consider it for a moment, “No.”

“Where are Eren and Christa?” Erwin asks Hange.

“We’ve taken care of it, we have them hidden away. They will stay there until the chaos subsides.”

“Erwin,” Pixis cuts in again, “Now is not the right tune to talk about theories surrounding the titans. The world within the walls is a fragile structure, you can’t go public with this.”

“I know,” Erwin responds, “With Christa and Eren we’ll be able to weed out the people who know the secrets of the titans.”

I hear Hange gasp and squeal, “Hange, what the fuck?” I grumble at her little outburst.

She looks over at (y/n), so I jerk my head to her direction as well. Her head was turned to face us as if she were listening to us. That’s never happened before, she hasn’t moved her head at all. This whole time she has been laying completely on her back, head facing forward always. The only time she has moved is when someone else does manually to make sure she doesn’t get bed sores.

Could our conversation have reached her somehow? We all stare at her in shock, waiting for something, anything, else to happen... But nothing, her head stayed turned to us, but her eyes didn’t open or anything.

“People in comas can respond to external stimuli,” Thompson walks into the room and looks at what we were staring at, “I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high.” He said dejectedly.

“Giving up on her, Thompson?” By his tone, Pixis seemed to be a bit taken aback by his attitude.

“Just being the realistic one.” He mutters in response and walks closer to (y/n)’s bedside. He has been pretty irritable more recently, must have something to do with the situation on (y/n)’s mother.

I was annoyed by his presence, he has definitely gotten more negative with the more time that passes. I mean, he’s not wrong, the longer she is like this the less likely it is she is going to wake up and be completely fine. Even if she does wake up we have no idea, cognitively, what her condition will be. She hit her head pretty hard, and was trampled, so it’s difficult to know if there are any permanent issues with her brain.

But none of us like to talk about that, “Optimistic as always.” Hange comments as she follows him to (y/n)’s bedside.

Thompson reaches her bedside and lifts one of her arms up high, then he lets it go, watching it fall limply beside her again, “See?”

“Thompson.” I growl at him and give him a dangerous look.

Thompson raises his hands and approaches her again, this time grabbing her arm to monitor her pulse. We continue on with our previous conversation on Eren and Christa, but we were interrupted by Thompson again, “How long has she been like this?”

“... You’ll have to be more specific, because I’m pretty sure she’s been like that since the day Erwin brought her back.” Hange answered him.

“Her heart beat and breathing is even slower,” He says as he listens to her chest more closely, “Shit.”

When I was over there not that long ago, yes, her breathing was slower. But it had been that slow before. Judging by Thompson’s reactions though it’s evident that it is even slower now. Is she declining faster now? 

Suddenly her head turns again and she starts coughing violently, sending blood onto the floor and the side of her bed. Her body starts jerking violently and shaking uncontrollably. A seizure maybe? I was shocked by the amount of blood she was coughing up. Just what exactly happened to her? This isn’t normal.

We all get up and rush over to her bedside, watching her helplessly as Thompson props her up on her side and holds her there, “Do something!” Erwin yells at him as he stands there just watching and holding her up.

“I can’t,” He shouts back, “She just has to go through it.”

We could only stare at her, desperately hoping that she would stop soon.

Your POV

_I feel even weaker, I can barely get off the floor anymore. I see people rushing around my bedside as my body starts coughing and jerking around. But I’m too weak to really care, I’ll just lay here and wait to die I guess. I hope they can forgive me, but I’m tired._

_I didn’t want to watch the people around me scramble to my aid, so I turned over and looked at the wall behind me._

“ _Forgive me.” I whisper to them even though I know my words won’t reach them. I’m sorry for not fighting, but I’ve had enough._

_Their voices slowly start to fade away. Good, I prefer the quiet._

_But the quiet doesn’t last long, I can hear a piano playing in the distance. Huh? That’s new. I feel a bit of my strength come back as I push myself off the floor to follow the beautiful sounds of the piano._

_I was walking through the void of complete darkness again, relying on my ears to find out where the sounds of the piano were coming from._

_Eventually I make it into a bright room that I don’t recognize. Maybe ‘a room’ is the wrong description. There was just endless light as far as I could see, and inside that light was a piano and a person sitting at it._

_As I walk closer to the person playing I make out some of their features. It was a beautiful woman with dark brown hair streamed with chunks of grey. I freeze when I realize who it is... No, why is she here? This can’t mean.. No._

“ _Mom.” I say quietly._

_The woman looks over to me and smiles brightly, still playing the piano, “Come here, my darling,” She pats the seated next to her, “Come play with me.”_

_No, I can’t. I need to get away. Why is she here? She shouldn’t be here. But at the same time it’s so good to see her like this. Despite my reservations I continue over to her and sit down next to her on the bench and watch her fingers skillfully move along the piano keys._

_“You shouldn’t be here.” I whisper to her._

“ _Neither should you,” She responds, “Yet, here we are.”_

_“Traumatic brain injury for me, what’s you’re excuse?” I inquire._

_“I’ve fought for too long.”_

_I listen to her in silence as she finishes up her song. It was my favourite thing in the world to hear her play the piano. I close my eyes and focus on the music, the more she played the more my heart filled with dread and sadness._

_She stops playing and I can feel her intense grey eyes stare at me, but I couldn’t look at her._

_“(Y/n),” She says, “Look at me.”_

_“I can’t.”_

_“Why?”_

“ _Because I know what you being here means.” I feel my chest tightening even more._

_There were a few more moments of silence before she spoke again, “You know, out of all of my children, you have always been the strongest and the most independent.” She laughs._

_She pauses for a bit, waiting to see if I’m going to respond. When I don’t she continues, “I’m not convinced you’ve needed me since the second you started walking. I remember it was strange because your siblings needed me or their father for everything, even when they were teenagers. But you wanted to do everything by yourself, so much like your father it was startling.”_

“ _Don’t compare me to him.” I snap at her._

_“(Y/n), you can’t stay mad at him forever, he’s your father.”_

_“So what? He’s never acted like one.”_

_“It’s complicated, love. He kept himself away to keep us both safe. Please don’t speak ill of him, I endured your siblings’ father, David, but I loved your father.”_

_“Sure mom.”_

_“(Y/n), please look at me.” She pleaded._

_I can hear the sadness in her voice more now than ever, “I can’t.” I admit._

_“You’re angry with me.”_

_“I’m not-“_

“ _Of course you are, you’re angry with me. Look at you, you can barely look at me. And I don’t blame you because I’m mad at me too. But you’re angry with a lot of people these days, (y/n). It’s not good for you. You’re angry with me, your father, Katrina, Peter, Malcolm. That’s too many people who love you to be angry with.”_

_I can feel her study me silently as I keep my head focused in another direction. I just can’t face her.. I can’t.. Then it becomes real._

_“Forgiveness is something you were never really able to do, or learned how to do. Humans aren’t perfect, (y/n), we all make mistakes. Forgive your father for not being there for us and going about things the wrong way. Forgive Katrina for her jealousy of you, and being manipulated against you. Forgive Malcolm for dying so young and leaving you alone again, as I did when I sent you to Lawrence. Forgive Peter for being under the influence of corrupt people, and for making a chain of bad decisions, one of which cost you your husband. Most importantly, forgive yourself for everything. You’re trying to make things right, and that’s what matters.”_

_I can feel tears run down my cheeks, because I know where this is going next._

_“And forgive me for leaving you alone and not being there for you when you needed me most, physically and mentally. And I hope you’ll forgive me that I won’t be there when you wake up.”_

_She tries to get me to look at her by nudging my shoulder gently. But I can’t do it, I guess I’m just prolonging the inevitable, because I know this is the last time I’ll be able to see her, touch her and talk to her._

_“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry since you were a newborn.” She laughed gently, “You were a very strange child, even a little creepy_.”

“ _I’m not crying,” I protest, “I’m just allergic to feelings and shit.”_

_“There she is,” She laughs again and keeps her hand on my shoulder, “Don’t cry for a soul set free. I was a prisoner in my body for far too long. Now, look at me, (y/n).”_

_I finally relent and look at her face. This is how I want to remember her, her beautiful smiling face and her shining grey eyes, “I’m scared.” I admit to her._

“ _Don’t be scared,” She kisses my forehead, “You’ve never needed me or your father. You’ve never needed anybody, it’s a trait I admire in you and one that I was also pretty wary of. I wish I could have been born under different circumstances, then maybe I could have been more like you. But I was scared, and I couldn’t fight back. I could never do the things you’re brave enough to do. To stand up against anyone and never backing down.”_

_“I’m not that great.” I mumble._

_“I know that you’re very independent, but loneliness is a dangerous thing, (y/n). I see you withdrawing from people again when they can help you. Once you see how peaceful and nice it is, you won’t want to be with people ever again. And that is dangerous.” She commented seriously._

_“You should write greeting cards.”_

_“(Y/n),” She sighs but smirks at me, “Loneliness = Bad.”_

_“Yeah yeah, I already got that.”_

“ _I know it’s hard for you to let people in, even before what happened to Malcolm and when I left you. But don’t close yourself off, you have a lot of people you have to be there for. As much as you need them to be there for you.”_

_“I’ll try.”_

_“Oh, and when your father finds you again, please hear him out. I know you’ll want to hear what he has to say.”_

_“But moooooooooom.” I whine playfully._

_“Trust me,” She smiles, “Just do it, for me.”_

_“Fiiiime.” I roll my eyes._

_“Good girl,” She pats my head and kisses my forehead one last time, “I have to go now. I love you.”_

_She gets up from the piano bench and without thinking I reach out and grab onto her arm, as if I were 5 years old again and wanted her attention, “Don’t go, please.”_

“ _Remember,” She tucked some of my (h/c) hair behind my ear, “You’re strong, you’ll survive this. You can come back from anything. Please, do what I was never brave or strong enough to do. I know it is a lot to ask, and I know I have no right to ask it. But still, you’re the only one who can expose them, they only one that can tell your story and make them hear you. But use small words and phrases, the people in the capital need easily digestible words and phrases or they will be overwhelmed.”_

“ _I don’t know how.” I admit._

_“You’ll figure something out, I know you will.”_

_“Are you scared?” I ask her quietly._

_“A little, but I can rest easy knowing I helped raise a badass who is going to expose the corruption in this world.”_

_“I’ll go with you.”_

_“Why sweetheart?”_

_“... It doesn’t hurt here.” I say as I look around the room bathed in bright warm light._

_“That’s the thing, (y/n). Dying is easy, living is the hard part.”_

_“Technically the human body is very resilient. So it’s not as easy as you think it is. Where is your next philosophical quote?”_

_“... Shut up.” She giggles loudly at my smart ass response._

_I get up from the piano bench too and go to follow her, “No my girl, everyone has to make their final journey alone. Don’t be sad for too long, my darling. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” With that she turned and disappeared._

“ _Goodbye.” I say to her quietly._

_Suddenly I hear voices again, they are louder than they usually are. I can feel a pain in my head as I close my eyes and clutch it between my arms waiting for the pain to subside._

I open my eyes a little bit but even the dull light of this room is too bright for me. I close my eyes again immediately, fearing if I open them all the way it will burn my retinas.

My head is ringing and pounding, but I’m more annoyed by the voices going on and on in the room.

“... Up.” Damnit, my mouth and lips are so dry that I can barely make a sound.

“Did you hear that?” A male voice says.

“Stop trying to change the subject, what were you doing?” Another deep male voice answers.

For fuck sakes, I have a headache. Shut up!

“Fuck.... Up.” I wheeze as I open one of my eyes by a fraction, a sliver of light made it through, trying to see who was being so noisy.

“Listen, she definitely said something.” I think I recognize that voice, is it Peter?

“-ache..”

“What?” Another male voice says, it sounds like Levi, “Talk!”

“Ow...” I wince, “Head... ache.” I had to take breaths between words,but at least I got the message out.

“Thompson!” He said loudly, “Get over here!”

“Shut.... up... Headache.” I wheeze.

“Sorry.” He mumbled.

I feel a hand be placed on my head as the person trying to pry my eyes open shines light into them. I hiss loudly and slap their hand away, “No.” I say firmly and more clearly as I pull the covers over my head, “Away... tired.”

“Tired?” I hear the easily recognizable squeal of Hange, “You’ve been asleep for 2 weeks, time to get up now and explain yourself.”

“What’s your name?” Peter asks me, trying to figure out what state I’m at mentally.

“Go... away.”

“No, what is my name?”

“... Annoying.”

“Close, but no. Do you remember what happened to you?”

I close my eyes again as the memories came back to me. I was in the forest of giant trees, Reiner and Bertolt were traders... Traitors. They were the titans that destroyed the walls... Eren and I were rescued... I went to help Eren... Oh no.

“Eren?” I ask weakly.

“He’s fine,” Hange answers me, “He and Christa are in hiding right now.”

“What were you doing outside Wall Rose?” Erwin’s deep voice asks me sternly.

“... Don’t... remember.” I try to say innocently, as I peak out of the covers.

“Don’t start with us, (y/n).” Levi said as he tried to give me an angry look, but it didn’t work out well. I could tell he was overjoyed to see me awake, well as overjoyed as Levi’s face would allow him.

The memories of what happened with Digman are still there of course, but I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. There is one person I need to talk to first.

“Peter... sit.” I gesture to the chair next to my bedside.

I look up at the rest of the people around the room, Erwin, Levi, Hange, Pixis, some female solider from the garrison, probably Pixis’ monitor and Moblit... Moblit? Weird...

I was especially happy to see both Levi and Erwin. They both looked relieved to see me, oh man, 2 weeks must have been a long time for them. But their questions and concerns will have to wait, I need to speak with Peter first. I need to remember farther into my past, even if it’s painful, it has to be done.

I look around at the group again, “Peter... Stay... Not Peter... Shoo.”

“So rude!” Hange laughs at my gesture, “Come on boys, let’s leave them be.”

I felt bad for kicking them out, I know they must have been worried about me. I give Levi and Erwin a small smile when they turn to look at me before leaving the hospital room. I need to talk to Peter only, I don’t want them to over hear and worry about me more.

I turn to Peter who is waiting for me to address him, “Let’s... talk.”


	41. Chapter 41: Recovery

Your POV

I don't know how I'm going to maneuver through this conversation. I can barely speak, I'll have to ask him about that too. Perhaps just a side effect from being unconscious too long. But I was obviously struck on the head, hopefully this aphasia is only temporary.

Peter just stared at me and waits patiently for me to speak. How do I even begin? Maybe if I mention Digman he can fill in the blanks of what happened before Digman and Kenny found me. I need to figure out why that happened to me. It had to be something significant for me to end up like that, so close to death's door.

"We were worried about you," Peter smiles at me nervously, "I was afraid you weren't going to wake up. I hate how we left things."

How we left things? Does he mean him telling me he was apart of a cover-up by experimenting on countless people including my mother and myself. How he essentially got my husband killed and how he has been lying to me for who knows how long... Yeah, I guess you could say we didn't exactly leave things on the best of terms.

How am I going to get my questions out? I'm still feeling exhausted and I can't exactly have a regular conversation, I'm not able to speak without breathing heavily.

Peter studies me a little longer and stands up to go and get something. Where is he going? Before I can try to shout after him he comes back pretty quickly with some water for me. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I saw the cup of water in his hand.

I nod stiffly as my thanks to him as I slowly sip at the water, "Do you want to start with what you were doing outside the walls?" He asks me.

"Digman." I say after I finish with my water. I study his reaction to Digman's name. Peter narrows his eyes, "What does he have to do with you being outside Wall Rose?"

"Digman... and... Kenny... saved me... from... a bush," I wheeze slowly, "Remember?" I know he does, he was the one who helped save me when they brought me in.

"Yes." He answered.

"What... happened.. to me? ... Why was... I ... left there?"

"(Y/n)," Peter warned me, "Don't ask me what I can't tell you."

"... I'll be... your best... friend."

"Stop," He lets out a low chuckle, "That would work on my kids, not me. Telling you would hurt you."

"I'm... already.. hurt... stop... protecting them."

"I'm not protecting them, (y/n), I'm protecting you." He insists.

I swing my legs over the edge of my bed, Peter watches me closely making sure I don't hurt my clumsy ass, "I... don't need... protection." I breathe heavily as I start to stand on my feet.

"No!" Peter shouts hurriedly, trying to carefully block me from standing, "You just woke up."

"You... you.." I have to stop and catch my breath, what is going on, I shouldn't be this bad off, should I?

"Stay there." Peter says as he stands up again and walks over to the other side of the room. He grabs a clipboard with a bunch of empty charts attached to them and something to write with and brought it over to me.

"This will make things easier." He smiles at me gently as I take the clipboard from him.

' _If you refuse to help me remember,'_ I write, ' _at least help me by telling people what I can't. Fill in the blanks for me.'_

Peter reads what I wrote and sits silently for awhile. When he doesn't answer I bop him softly on the top of his head to coax an answer out of him. He's lucky that's all he got, if I had more energy I would knock him the fuck out.

"It would ruin me, (y/n)," He faltered, "I'm sorry."

There was a part of my that believed him when he said he was sorry, but if he were really apologetic he would do everything he could to remedy the situation. But he won't do it.

I can feel anger build up in me, if I don't have anyone else's support who is involved going public won't make any difference. It can't just be me, it is too easy for others to discredit me in the capital.

I don't know, I guess I was just hoping he would have my back on this. I know I'm asking a lot from him, basically he would have to admit to everyone that he participated in this. And yes, it would probably end his career.

But at the same time, he is guilty of handing out countless death certificates in his and other's pursuit of their sick experiments. I know I did dreadful things as well, and I'm willing to suffer any punishment the people see fit for me. Even though Peter claims they have helped and saved me, they condemned my mother and put a timer on my life since the minute I was born.

... Mom... I feel a huge heaviness in my heart when I think about her.

"...Mom.." I lamented. I noticed Peter tense up when I mentioned my mother.

He refuses to look up at me, so I use my clipboard and paper to write another message for him, ' _My mother is dead, isn't she?'_

I carefully place it on his lap and wait for him to respond. Peter sighs and looks up at me finally, "How did you know?"

I shrug in response... I don't know, as soon as I thought about my mother, I just knew.

"It was pneumonia," Peter tries to explain, "It-"

I raised my hands up, "No... dead is... dead." I didn't want to hear it, I don't want to hear how much she suffered. I hope she has found peace, I promise I'll make the people responsible pay.

I want to get away from Peter, every time I look at him I just want to punch him in the face. I just want to get away from him, away from all of this. It's too much, and there's nothing I can do about it.

In my frustrated state I push myself off the bed before Peter can stop me, not caring about the consequences. But when I get to my feet I pause before I storm to the other side of the room, as far away from Peter as physically possible... I was able to stand without any issues...

I've been in a coma for a couple weeks, I should be feeling pretty weak when I stand up... But I don't, I feel strong. I feel like I could run laps around everyone and have plenty of energy to spare. What is going on?

Peter didn't want me to stand up, he should at least want to check my reflexes or my balance or something... But no, when I move my body around he doesn't try to stop me now... Why?

He knows something, "... Peter... What did... you.. do?"

He stares at me for a minute, mouth agape, eyes wide... No, he didn't. No way, he couldn't possibly be that stupid.

"Your mother was dying," Peter started stuttering as he scrambled to explain himself, "I didn't give you a full dose, only a little bit because I don't know for sure what the effects will ultimately be. This formula hasn't been tested on anybody, but I thought maybe if I could get you to wake up, you could see your mother and talk to her one more time before..."

Peter pauses when he saw the face I gave him, I could feel myself shake as I tried to keep my anger in check. That's not why he did it, my mother's poor condition was just an excuse for him to justify his actions to me and maybe even to himself. Peter injected me again because he needs me alive, or in an attempt to wake me up so I could have a final farewell with my mother. He was just waiting for a time where I couldn't refuse and fight back.

"Stop... lying." I growl at him.

"It was among the reasons," He finally admitted, "(y/n), how long have you been coughing up blood?"

Not that long, only a day before I left to kill Digman, but I'm not going to tell him that, that would be helpful. So I merely shrug in response. But I can tell that Peter doesn't believe me, I also know he won't press me for an answer.

After a few more moments of silence he speaks up again, "I'll help you come forward when the time is right. Just try and be patient." He tries to lay a hand on my shoulder but I smack it away and glare at him.

He just wants me to sit here and stay silent? I guess that is a given now that I can't actually speak properly... Now that I know his dumb ass injected me again, how can I be sure that my sudden incompetence when it comes to speaking clearly isn't a side effect of whatever he gave me?

Truth is I can't be sure and neither can he, I suppose there is no way of knowing for sure right now. I'll have to see if it persists or not I suppose. Though it wouldn't be too surprising if it is indeed just because of the head trauma I suffered.

"(Y/n)," Peter interrupted my thoughts, "You don't know what has been going on since you were in your coma. The higher ups are clamping down hard on the scouts right now after they discovered the true identities of the armoured and colossal titans. We all have to proceed with extreme caution. If you go public now, even if I were to do it with you, no one would believe us. We have to wait for the right moment, when there has been doubt cast on the capital and the king. Once there are seeds of doubt among the citizens, then we can strike. You have to stay alive until then, we'll do it when the time is right, I promise."

Can I believe him? I want to with all my heart, it's true that I don't exactly know what is going on. Maybe he does have his heart in the right place...

Peter seems to relax a little it at my silence, "I know you're mad because I injected you again," He continues, "But I'm on your side, I want to help you, but we have to wait, okay? If I tell you everything now I don't know if you'll be able to handle it. You need to get stronger again."

I study him again, I've been avoiding him and denying his excuses... Maybe I should just try trusting him, because if I don't have at least him to back me up, then I don't have anybody. It may be in my best interest to play nice with him for now. Maybe I should just try trusting him again, he did after all take me in, took care of me and hid me from Laurie... Should I let the past go and focus on the future? If he is willing to put his current position on the line to help me, maybe I should go along with what he recommends for now.

"... Okay.." I reply with a small smile, "Can.. you go.. now?"

I just want this conversation to be over, I want to be alone, I just want to be by myself and mourn the loss of my mother in private. So I can say a final farewell to her by myself. Peter seems to understand and gets up from the chair and heads towards the door, "I'll tell the others, who's ears are probably pressed against the door, to give you come privacy."

I let out a little chuckle as he opens the door and I see Hange straighten herself up, trying to act like she was not just doing exactly that. Peter closes the door quietly behind him as he shoos the others away, leaving me alone.

Author's POV

"I hear that (y/n) has woken up," Lawrence smiles at a shaky Celeste sitting in front of his desk, "You and Benjamin will be going to visit her soon, yes?"

Celeste's short brown hair was obscuring her face as she listened quietly to Lawrence. She tried her best to hide how terrified she was, but he knows her too well. She nods silently in response and waits for him to continue.

"Good," He says as he starts writing notes, "Bring him close to the chapel on Reiss' property. You'll know what to do when you get there."

"I can't," Celeste replied weakly, "Please, don't make me do it."

Lawrence looked up from his notes to give her a dangerous glare, but her sad blue eyes refuse to meet his angry amber ones, "Well, I suppose I won't force you," He commented with an evil smirk, "But I don't think I have to remind you of what will happen if you don't."

Celeste jerks her head up to look at Lawrence again, "Please no! He needs me!"

"You will do this, Celeste," Lawrence says to her sternly, "And not only will I allow you to have your son, but I will also free you. You can leave this place, buy a small home where you and your son could live. Just do this one last thing for me, and you'll have it all."

Celeste wanted that more than anything, she couldn't bear the idea of hurting you or Benjamin. But when she thought about her som being without her and growing up in the underground, it lit a fire she didn't know she had underneath her, because that was even more unbearable to her.

Benjamin treated her so well, it almost brought tears to her eyes every time they were together. She wasn't used to being treated with so much love and care since just before you left Lawrence's grasp. The only thing that has been keeping her alive is the thought of keeping her son safe and her relationship with Benjamin. But it is all about to come to a head and she has to choose. Either ultimate suffering, or a life and a chance to raise her son and watch him grow up.

She thinks of you, she wonders what you will do when you find out. You're one of the smartest people she has ever met, she knows you'll figure it out. And what will happen then? She doesn't know how you will react, but she knows she'll have to go into hiding.

Of course she feels awful having to do all this behind your back and betraying you, but there isn't anything she won't do for the safety and well-being of her son. She hopes one day in the future maybe you will find it in your heart to forgive her.

Celeste finally raises her head to look at Lawrence directly again, "Okay." She replied, barely above a whisper.

"Excellent!" Lawrence clapped his hands together loudly, "Worry not, my pet. This will all be over soon, just think of it as a necessary mean to an end. I'll have my revenge on (y/n), and David will finally be on my side fully. And you will have your son and can start a new life."

Celeste wipes the tears from her eyes and listened closely to Lawrence's instructions, saying a silent prayer to herself.

Erwin's POV

Dr. Thompson sent us away when he saw that we were still gathered just outside the door of the hospital room. But I'm slowly making my way back to it, surely he won't shoo me away, it is my hospital room too.

I understand I should probably give her some privacy, as I'm sure Thompson has told her about the death of her mother. I can't help it though, I need to see her.

Should I say anything to (y/n) about Thompson secretly trying to inject her with some mystery medicine? I have thought about that night quite a bit. I have not brought it up to anyone, but it is definitely concerning. Does it have something to do with her avoiding him recently?

I look down the hospital hallway and am grateful when I don't see anyone lingering there. Hange and Levi had to leave to check in on Eren and the rest of his group.

"I thought I told you guys to give her time." I hear Thompson's voice as I reach for the door knob of our hospital room.

"Yes," I admit, "However, it is my hospital room too, and I'm feeling very tired. Don't worry, I won't bother her."

I turn to face him and notice he looked rather pleased with himself, their conversation must have went well, "Fine," He chuckles, "But don't wear her out, she is still having trouble with her speech, so if you ask her questions it will be easier for her to just write her answers down."

Damn, I do hope that wears off fast. I've missed hearing her sweet voice, and I definitely want to hear her sing again. It's been a couple weeks and I've missed everything about her. Her beautiful (e/c) eyes staring up at me, her infectious smile, her odd and ofttimes inappropriate sense of humour, her laugh, the way she makes me feel when I'm close to her... Her body, the warmth of her touch, the softness of her skin, the electricity I feel when I kiss her, the feeling of her skin on my lips as I explore her body...

I shake my head in an attempt to stop my thoughts from going in the direction I knew they were headed to. I went years without sex and it never bothered me, I didn't even think about it... Until (y/n) came along and I find myself sexually frustrated even if it has only been a day since I touched her last. Now that she is up and seems to be in good condition, my thoughts can't help but head to more 'dirtier' thoughts.

I have to get a hold of myself, I need to stop thinking about it. A little longer won't kill me, I just have to be patient. Fuck, it's going to be difficult now that she is awake.

"Everything okay, Erwin?" Thompson asks me, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yes," I clear my throat, "I'll keep an eye on her, I promise not to wear her out."

Thompson nods at me and turns around to walk out of the hallway into another patient room. My hand stays on the door knob, why do I feel nervous?

I decide to knock quietly on the door, "(Y/n), I'm coming in."

I slowly open the door and look toward her bed where I assumed she would be, but she wasn't there. I look at the other side of the room, where my bed is, and see her in a chair staring out the window.

When she saw me walk in she gives me a sweet smile that makes my heart skip a beat; I've missed that smile of her's. I smile back at her but then frown, she shouldn't be out of bed... She was in a coma for 2 weeks and she only just woke up today and walked to the other side of the room by herself.

"What are you doing out of bed?" I ask her sternly. "... Umm.." She has a worried look in her eyes and starts writing down a message on a clip board Thompson must have given to her. It appeared to be filled with blank charting paper.

_'I'm plotting my escape, want to help?'_

I go over to sit on my bed and face her, "No, you're in a lot of trouble, Ms. (L/n)." I smirk at her red face.

She started scribbling down another message, ' _Yeah? Are you going to punish me, Commander?'_

I unconsciously bite at my lip as I read her message. Damnit, I can't let her distract me this time, "You have to recover first."

Her eyes travel to settle up the void of space my right arm used to occupy, making me a little uncomfortable. I avert my eyes from her's to look around the room instead.

My eyes decide to settle on the window she was looking out of before I came in. There isn't really anything of note out there, but maybe she wants to feel a little bit of the evening sun's warmth.

I didn't realize she had gotten up, so it surprised me when she puts her hand gently on my right shoulder and hands the clipboard to me.

_'I like it. You know, you were really too perfect with two arms. It's only fair that you're not perfectly symmetrical.'_

I read it and chuckle a little, she never changes does she? It doesn't matter what she goes through, she will always try to cheer others up before herself.

"I'm sorry about your mother." I sigh as I put my hand over her's. Her smile fades away when I mention her mother. But she corrects herself quickly, "... Why? What... did you.. do.. to her?"

"You know what I mean." I chuckle as I squeeze her cheek and pull on it gently, causing her to scrunch up her face as she tries to pry my fingers off her cheek.

I relent and leg go of her face. I won't bring up her mother again, I don't want to make her upset, she knows I'll listen if she wants to talk about her. However, she does like to keep me at arms length when it comes to opening up, so I don't expect she will. It was apart of our 'agreement' to not get too personal, but it's too late on my part, I want to get more personal.

(Y/n) surprises me by kissing me on my cheek gently and gives me a small smile again, showing her appreciation for not pressing her further.

I couldn't help it, as she leaned back to stand up straight again, I raise my hand to her face again and gently pulled her back to me. But, naturally, our lips are so close to touching when there is a knock at the door.

"What?" I let out a loud sigh of frustration. I heard (y/n) giggle quietly at my reaction for being interrupted.

The door opens and it's Nile Dok standing there... What? Why would Nile be here? I'm sure he is extremely busy in the capital, thanks in large part to the scouts activities, so why would he go out of his way to come here?

"What are you doing here, Nile?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"I'm here to speak with (y/n)." He replies curtly to me, "(y/n), you look well, I'm glad."

(Y/n) raises her eyebrows when Nile says he is here to speak with her. She probably assumed he was just there to talk to me. But she recovers and smiles at him all the same and walks slowly over to her side of the room. She walks remarkably well for someone who has been lying on a bed for 2 weeks.

"I came to speak with her in private." Nile says as he makes his way to the chair beside (y/n)'s hospital bed. I look at (y/n) to see her reaction. She gives me a reassuring smile, signalling she'll be fine on her own. I offer Nile a glare before I walk out of the room, wishing desperately that she would insist I stay.

Your POV

How strange... What could Nile possible want from me? Although, I was amused by Erwin's reaction, his frustration is definitely showing.

Once Erwin walks out the door and closes it behind him, Nile grabs a pouch attached to his belt and puts it on the bedside table.

"... W-what's.. that for?" I ask him, squinting my eyes suspiciously at the bag he put down.

"Are you okay?" He rebuts with his own question, concerned by my less than normal speech.

"... Side effect."

He studies me one more time before answering my question, "It's the reward money for taking out Edmund Digman."

I tense up when I hear that. I forgot there was a significant amount of money in it for whoever brought him in dead or alive. It's weird that Digman worked for Laurie, but he was also wanted by the capital. Could there be some issues with Laurie's relationship with the king? Anyways, if Nile knows then obviously Laurie knows for sure. Good, let's see what you're really made of, Pearson. I called you out, your move.

"(Y/n)," Nile gets my attention again, "What are you doing? It's not the time to be challenging Pearson."

Not having the energy to try and speak, I grab my clipboard again and flip to a fresh empty chart sheet, _'You're wrong. Now is the only time.'_

Nile finishes reading my message, "There are more players involved in this than what you are aware of, you would be wise to keep your head down."

I narrow my eyes at him and scribble out another message, ' _I'm not you, Nile. I'm not afraid of them. He can do what he wants to me, I'm not backing down anymore.'_

"You should know better than anybody that the ones who really suffer are the families of his victims." Nile warns me carefully.

_'Laurie can't afford to lose David and my siblings. Plus my mother is dead, and if he found my father and got ahold of him I would help Laurie torture him. So I don't really have anything else to lose.'_

Nile sighs heavily after he reads my message, "You don't know what he is going to do, (y/n). He's a wild animal being backed into a corner, there is no telling what he will do next."

_'I'll take your advice when you decide to nut up and do what has to be done.'_

"... Why are... you... here?" I speak up when he remains silent after reading my note.

"I told you," He raises his eyebrows to me, "To drop off your bounty."

_'You did that and you're still here. Plus, isn't the Commander of the military police a little too busy to do something literally anyone else can do?'_

"(Y/n), I don't know who put you up to killing Digman, but whoever has does not have good intentions for you. I came myself to try and talk sense into you, because I care about what happens to you."

_'I don't need good intentions, I need information. Don't stand in the way of that, Nile.'_

Nile was about to argue with me more but the door opens suddenly. We jerk our heads into the direction of the door, uh oh it was Levi this time. Nile doesn't stand a chance.

Levi looks disapprovingly at Nile, "Out." Is all Levi said to him and gestures toward the door.

Nile looks at me as he gets up, "Just keep your head down, don't do anything drastic."

I stick my tongue out playfully at him as he turns and heads out the door. Levi closes the door loudly behind him.

"You." Levi growled as he stomped over to my bedside. The relief I saw in his eyes when I first woke up is replaced with anger. Uh oh, I knew this was coming, "What the fuck were you thinking?"

I open my mouth to defend myself, but he stops me, "Save it." He sits in the chair that Nile left vacant, "I know what you were doing in the underground."

... Shit, how did he know? Did he follow me? Did he ask questions while he was down there? I feel a little violated... But at the same time, can I really be angry with him? I know I've been elusive and secretive, and I know he cares for me.

"So, what are you doing, (y/n)?" He growls at me.

I narrow my eyes at him and write out a message, ' _Not much, just minding my own business. Why don't you join me?'_

I could tell from looking at his face he did not appreciate that at all, "What the fuck is wrong with you?! There are people here that need you, how can you just throw your life around like this, like you don't matter?! It's like you're just balancing on a fence and just waiting for the wind to push you one way or the other! Like maybe one day you'll lean more towards death, or maybe another day you'll lean more toward living! What is wrong with you?!"

Oh damn, I was pretty surprised by his outburst. I didn't know what to say, or write I guess. I mean, I couldn't deny it, considering my actions I have been acting recklessly. But still, that's none of his business.

"Now you’re chasing wanted criminals from the underground?" Levi continues when I remain silent, "I can't keep you safe if you don't tell me what is going on, I can help you. Just fucking let me!"

"... I'm.. beyond help.. Levi." I smile sadly at him.

"Tell me why you went after Digman." He leans in closer to me.

I try to hide a smirk on my face, wondering if I can get away with joking a little bit more as I write out another note, ' _He cheated on me in my dreams, and had the nerve to date other women before me!'_

Oh man, the look he gave me probably would have killed me if I kept looking into those steel eyes. I stopped looking at him and pretended to be interested in literally anything else in the room. Maybe joking isn't the best idea...

I know he cares for me, that's why he gets so angry with me, and of course I feel bad for making him and everyone else worry. But I'm really not in the mood for more of a lecture, my head is still hurting and all these conversations are making me even more exhausted.

"(Y/n)," I meet Levi's gaze again and the anger was gone from his eyes. It looked like he wanted to say more, but he decided against it. Instead he closes the distance between him and myself and pulls me into a heated embrace.

I automatically wrap my arms around him and melt into his arms. Usually when he kisses me it is rough and demanding. But right now he is gentle and tender. I have to admit, it felt nice, especially coming from him.

I pull him closer to me, enjoying the moment, oh I needed this. I can feel his cold hands slowly travel lower as he stops at the small of my back to press me against him even more, causing me to shiver slightly.

But nope, the world doesn't want me to have a few nice moments with Levi. There is another knock at the door causing us both to groan in frustration.

The door opens to reveal a very relieved looking Beth. She smiles as soon as she saw me as Levi and I broke apart. I give him an apologetic smile as I gesture for Beth to come closer. Levi 'tched' and walked out of the room to give us some privacy.

"... Beth." I raise my arms out to her like I used to when I was younger. She wrapped her arms around me gently and sighed heavily, "You need to stop almost getting yourself killed."

"... I'm sorry.. about.. mom." I say quietly as I feel her tears drop onto my shoulder.

"Everything is changing, (y/n). I don't know what to do. My father is growing more and more paranoid by the day and I don't know why. He can't even mourn our mother because he is too busy being afraid of something, and he won't tell me anything. Ben is hardly ever around, he is either working or he is out with Celeste. And Kat, I have no idea what she is up to, but she has been making secret trips to the underground and she won't tell me why. Mom is dead, and you keep trying to get yourself killed..."

I had no idea Beth was going through this much. She has always been the one who tries to keep everybody together. But it seems the family is falling apart.

What is Katrina doing going to the underground? She was the one who helped me uncover the truth about Peter. Has she found out something else?

"Please, (y/n)," Beth brings my attention back to her, "No more, I can't handle all of this. I can't lose you too. Now," She paused as she sat down in the chair, "You are going to take my mind off of things by telling me what the hell that was I just interrupted."

My face goes red, I guess Levi and I didn't break apart fast enough for Beth not to notice anything.

"Come on," Beth smirks at me, "Dr. Thompson told me you're having trouble speaking, but you have a handy clipboard and paper there, and I have time so let's go."

I roll my eyes at her playfully and begin writing out the details of mine and Levi's weird relationship as well as mine and Erwin's. This will take awhile, but at least I can cheer her up and make her smile for a little bit.

Time skip a few days later

Your POV

Being stuck in the hospital again is just as frustrating as my last extended stay from my last adventure outside the walls. I have no shortage of visitors, there is always at least 3 other people in here with me.

I feel like Erwin and Levi are in this silent battle where neither one of them will let me be alone with the other. Even at night time when we are both sleeping. Levi doesn't really sleep much so he has gotten into the habit of doing paper work here. It's kind of amusing actually.

I've noticed that I haven't had any tremors since I woke up. And my legs have not been giving up on me either. I guess that is thanks to the dose Peter gave me, I'm still not too happy about it though. Even if he didn't test it out on anyone else, it's still him trying to see how far he can push his luck.

It's late morning and I'm pretending to be asleep as Peter listens to my vitals, making sure there hasn't been any changes over the night. I've started getting great enjoyment out of annoying Peter over these past few days.

I wait as I listen to him scribble down some notes and wait for him to get closer to me again. I feel him listening to my heart.. Perfect.

"BAH!" I scream, startling Peter so much he falls back and lands right on his ass. I laughed so much I started snorting a little, "He fell!" I wheeze.

"Stop scaring me, (y/n)!" Peter groaned as he gets back up, "You're going to do that one of these days when I'm giving you a new IV and you're going to get hurt, stop it!"

"You're the worst," I can hear Erwin chuckle a little on the other side of the room, where he and Levi were going over some plans, "You know that gets me too, right?"

"I know... That's the point." I giggle.

My speech has been getting steadily better, which is probably an indication it was a result stemming from what happened outside the wall and not from what Peter gave me. I'm still angry with him, but I'm trying to brush it aside for now and focus on getting out of here so I can find Kenny. We did make a deal after all, and as shitty of a person as he is, he does honour his deals.... Until he doesn't... like with Laurie.. But whatever, I need to get to him.

"Ellen said she was going to stop by today with the kids," Peter says as he continues to poke at my body, "So be prepared for that, I'm sure Ellen will want to yell at you a little."

I mean, that's what happens with all my visitors recently, "I do like my.. women aggressive." I smile.

Our heads turn in the direction of the door when we hear it creak open. I squeal when I see it's Ben and Celeste. I see that they are still going strong like Beth said.

But my smile falters when I see Ben's face, "You." He snarls at me.

I yelp as I got a flash back to Levi yelling at me after he greeted me that way. I pull the covers over my head and adopt the philosophy 'if I can't see him, he can't see me.'

"Oh no no no no no," Ben chuckled, "Get out from under there and take this ass whopping my darling sister. I'm going to break both those legs so I can have at least 1 month where I don't have to worry about you because you will be bed ridden!”

"Ben," I hear Celeste giggle and rush to my defence, "Come on, just be happy that she is safe."

I slowly peek my head out from under the sheets as Celeste calms Ben down.

“Come on you 2,” I hear Peter say on the other side of the room to Levi and Erwin, “Leave them alone for a little bit.”

Ben goes to grab the chair that was next to Erwin’s bed and pulls it up beside Celeste, “I’m sorry about your mother, (y/n),” Celeste says as she reaches out to hold my hand, “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing well,” I give her a reassuring squeeze, “I can mostly speak... without breathing like a.. heavy smoker.”

“(Y/n), what am I going to do with you?” Ben cuts in, “You’re killing me, (y/n)! What would I have done if you died too, huh?! I’m just supposed to be okay losing both you and mom in the same week? Fuck that! You need to get your fucking shit together! Because I’m not losing you too, understand?”

I was taken aback by how angry he was. I guess I haven’t looked at it from my siblings’ perspectives. My reckless behaviour has of course been taking a toll on them, and I haven’t even been considering that.

“I’m sorry, Ben, I -“

“Just promise me that you won’t be doing anything reckless again.” Ben interrupts me and gives me a pleading look that pulls on my heartstrings.

As much as it hurts me to see him so desperate, I can’t promise him that. What I’m after is bigger than him, bigger than me, I can’t stop now. He wouldn’t understand, no one would.

“I -“

The 3 of us jump when the door slams open, “(y/n)!” I hear the familiar squealing voices of Ellie and Jack. They run into the room and leap up onto my bed, but they restrain themselves from jumping on me like they usually would, not wanting to hurt me.

But I give them a reassuring smile and they both lean in to hug me tightly, “You.” I hear a stern female voice say... That can only be Ellen. I’m sure Ben will be happy he has a partner to lecture me with, they can tag team me, “Is that just how everyone... is going to greet me... from now on?”

“Maybe if you behaved like a good little girl who doesn’t have a death wish, you wouldn’t elicit so much anger from people who can only greet you with one syllable so they don’t scream at you automatically.” Ellen went off on me.

“... Fair.”

I was right, I was in for a long lecture. Jack and Ellie sat silently and didn’t interrupt while their mother and Ben lectured me. Celeste would offer me a small smile every once in awhile whenever Ben would raise his voice a little higher.

I let them get it all out, I don’t have the energy to argue with any of them. Plus, I do kind of deserve it for making them all worry, even more so because I know that my actions aren’t going to change much. I still plan on doing what I have to in order to get the information I need. They will have to learn how to live on without me anyway, even if the politics don’t kill me, the results of the experiments will kill me soon either way.

They will understand later, at least I hope they will. In the end, I feel the ends justify the means. I’m not only doing it for me, I have to do it for all those people still stuck under Laurie and this disgusting system he is involved in. People like Celeste who live in fear everyday, Ben can’t be against that, can he? No matter what happens to me, I need to do this... It’s the only thing I can do.

Even though it involved a lot of raised voices directed at me, I took it on the chin and eventually the conversations were more neutral. I was most interested in how Celeste was doing. I was surprised that Laurie was allowing Celeste to leave so freely.

Maybe it’s because he is trying to get in David’s good graces after Katrina’s marriage with Conrad went south. If Laurie told her I killed Digman she wasn’t letting on. She was a little quiet though, but that’s not too strange, Ben and Ellen typically dominate any conversation they are in. But every time she looks at me I give her a smile, she does look pretty down. Laurie must be putting a lot of stress on everybody with everything going on. I hope she doesn’t let it get to her too much.

They spent all day with me, I didn’t even realize it until I happened to look out the window and noticed that the sun had gone down. Ben and Celeste said their goodbyes to me first. I kissed Ben and Celeste and reminded them that I loved them. But Ellen and the kids stuck around for a little while longer.

“So,” Ellen scooted her chair a little closer to me, “I’m planning a small surprise party for Peter’s birthday. I would like you to be there too, it would mean a lot to him to have you there.”

I freeze up, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I mean, I’ve been getting along with him better so he can do his job, but we are no where close to where we once were. I just don’t think me attending a party for him is a good idea.

“I don’t know, Ellen -“

“Come on, (y/n),” Ellen sighs, “I know there has been some weird tension between you 2. I don’t know what has gone on between you 2 and frankly I don’t want to know. This is an important party and I know it would mean the world to him if you could be there too.”

I bite at my lip nervously, if I outright refuse she will push to find out what happened between us to make things bad enough for me to refuse to go to an even for him. Depending on when it is... If it is soon maybe I could just say I’m not feeling up to it.

“It’s in a week,” She smirks at me, “And with all the progress you have been making with your health, you should be well enough to attend. So don’t even try that excuse.”

... Fuck. She is as intuitive as ever.

“(Y/n),” Ellie calls to me as she tugs gently on my arm, “Are you mad at daddy?”

Smart move on Ellen’s part to bring the kids to convince me to go... Very clever.

“No, Ellie,” I smile at her as I brush some of her long, curly black hair behind her shoulders, “Of course I’m going, I just like to pull on your mommy’s leg and make her sweat a bit.”

Ellie beams at me and kisses my cheek, “Good! But you can come play with me while everyone is paying attention to daddy.”

“You’re not going, Ellie,” Ellen giggles, “You are staying home with your brother and a babysitter, this is an adult party.”

Jack and Ellie both protest, but Ellen stands firm and refuses to extend the invitation to them. Peter walks into the room, “Ellen, what are you guys still going here? The kids have to go to bed soon! And how are my patients going to get any sleep with you hens and your constant clucking?”

“Wow, Grace is a lucky woman to deal with your nagging ass, how did I ever let you go?” Ellen rolls her eyes playfully at him, and coaxes the kids off of my bed and toward the door. They smile and wave at me as they leave and Peter leaves the door open, I’m assuming for Erwin. It is about time he returned to his hospital bed, he and Levi have been shunned for the majority of the day.

Erwin’s POV

I watch as (y/n)’s guests file out of the room and listen to Thompson scold his ex-wife for keeping (y/n) up and talking when she should be resting.

I walk into the room and close the door behind me, “Have a good visit?” I smile at (y/n) when I see her sitting up on her bed.

“If you consider being lectured most of... the day then yes... it was grand.” She mumbled.

I chuckle at her response, well that couldn’t have been surprising for her. When I walked past this hallway earlier in the day I could definitely hear her brother scolding her quite loudly. But I hope they got through to her, she’s not going to listen to just myself and Levi lecturing her, that much I know is true.

I head over to my bed, still trying to rub the soreness out of my right shoulder. It’s been bothering me and steadily getting worse all day. It’s frustrating how a limb that no longer exists can still cause me this much annoyance.

“Are you okay?” (Y/n) asks me, concerned by my grimacing.

“Of course,” I smile at her again, “Nothing to worry about.”

“You’re in pain.” She comments, sharp as ever.

“Please don’t worry about me, (y/n). Just focus on recovering and returning to normal.”

I sit on my bed and remove my shirt in preparation for going to bed. I finally have (y/n) alone and I can’t do anything. Levi has been around us constantly, neither one of us letting the other be alone with (y/n). But tonight Levi had to head back to where his new squad is. He has to deal with some dispute going on amongst the new members he has to mediate.

I’ve been waiting to get alone again, but I don’t know how well she is doing. She is always good at hiding any pain that may be going on under the surface, so I can’t make the first move.

I jump when I see (y/n) appear before me, she’s gotten quicker and her speech has improved, so that’s good at least. But she is still not 100% yet, “What are you doing?” I ask her, “You should be in bed, resting.” Her intoxicating lavender scent wafting over to me, making it harder to force back my urges.

She just stares at me silently and reaches for the bandages wrapped around my shoulder and the useless bit of flesh that used to be attached to my arm, “No.” I say to her firmly. I don’t want her to see it, as embarrassing as it may sound I don’t want her to see me like this. I want her to only know me at my best, not when I’m still recovering.

But she refuses, “Erwin, I worked for Peter.. for awhile. I saw plenty of... ex-soldiers with missing limbs... I know what I’m doing... They get sore, Erwin.. you worry about me all.. the time... just let me help you.”

I sigh heavily but try to relax as she smiles gently at me. She slowly unwraps my bandages, every layer that is taken off makes me feel more and more tense again.

“Breathe Erwin,” She laughs, “It’s only me.” She punches me lightly on the chest. I look up at her, “It’s because it’s you, (y/n) and you know that.” I watch as her face goes redder and redder the longer I stare at her, giving me a little more confidence in my ability to make her flustered.

After she removes the bandages I inhale sharply when she lays her hands on my exposed skin, “Looks good,” She comments, “Minimal scarring... considering your arm was chewed off.. by a titan.”

She begins to massage my shoulder and slowly works down to the area where my arm used to be. Her soft but firm touch is otherworldly. Her hands rub all the pain away, I’m mesmerized by her concentration face.

This isn’t good for my restraint. With her hands on my body, all I can think about is how badly I have been craving her. Oh I want to fuck her so badly.

Unconsciously my hand leaves my side and rests itself on the small of (y/n)’s back. It surprises her out of her concentration and her eyes finally meet mine again.. And that’s all it took.

I pull her on top of me and hungrily claim her lips. She moans into my mouth as she grinds herself on my lower region making me growl.

She scratches my neck lightly as I bite roughly at her lip, demanding entry which she eagerly allows. I remove my hand from her back and creep up her shirt to grab her breast.

She inhaled sharply at my touch and presses onto me even more. It was frustrating that I only had one hand to please her with, I still feel an ache on my right side. Not from the pain of losing my arm, but an ache and a need for more of me to touch (y/n).

(Y/n) must sense my inner frustration, she pulls away from me and stands up. She slowly and teasingly removes her clothes, keeping my focus on her and only her. She lets me get the well-rounded view of her beautiful body I’ve been desperate for. She gives me an alluring smile and steps to me again.

She pushes me aggressively onto my back, turning me on even more by her more dominant side, “You’re mine, understand?” She smirks down at me as she perches herself on top of me.

“Understood.” I smile at her, desperate for her to continue as she starts removing the rest of my clothes.


	42. Chapter 42: Revelations (Lemon)

Warning: This chapter contains a lemon. As usual, it will be on the Author’s POV. So if Lemons aren’t your thing, skip to the next perspective. Cheers!

🍋Author’s POV🍋

You could sense Erwin's hesitation and frustration at not being able to touch or hold you with both arms, but you were determined to show him that it didn't matter to you if he was down one appendage.

You felt taking the lead on this one would show him that and give him his confidence back. It had been difficult for you as well having him so close yet so far. You've been craving this just as much as he has.

Vibrations could be felt all over your body as you leaned down to kiss Erwin again. Both of you moaning into each other's mouths, desperate for the other.

Erwin uses his hand to grip at your ass and gave it a firm slap, making you grind yourself against him even more. But eventually you break apart from Erwin so you can both get some air.

He stared up at you, hooded blue eyes conveying all his feelings to you. You paused at that, the intensity of the way he looked at you showed the love and passion he felt for you. It made you feel a bit emotional.

But you try to push it aside and focus on getting the release you both desire from each other. You start kissing down his jaw to his neck, "Have you missed me, Erwin?" You whisper against his skin.

"Only every second of everyday." He moaned as he removes his hand from your ass to your hair. He collects your (h/l) (h/c) hair in his fist and brushes it aside so he can see your face better as your lips work their way down his rock hard body.

"Oh yeah?" You smirk against him, "When you thought about me... What was I doing?"

"You were trapped in my office and couldn't escape." Erwin growled, making you chuckle. You figured it was probably something along those lines.

"Were we doing this?" You ask him as your lips finally reach just above his pelvis.

"Not exactly," He chuckled darkly, "You were tied up so you weren't able to escape, and all you could do was squirm and beg for release as I teased you endlessly."

Listening to Erwin's words were definitely making you feel hotter, "Hmmm." You hummed in response and sat up a bit more so you could finally remove his pants.

You take a moment to admire the view, his pupils were dilated, taking in as much of you as he could. His usually neat blonde hair is slightly messy. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he panted with his desire for you.

You ran your fingernails lightly around the band of his pants, moving your fingers slowly causing Erwin to shiver and groan with impatience. He watches you as you bite your lip and grind on his erect manhood again through his clothes, teasing him with the friction he craves.

"(Y/n)," He grunted, placing his hand higher up on your thigh, "Please."

"As you command, sir." You smile sweetly.

He lifts his hips as you practically tear his pants off, eager to see his huge throbbing member again. Erwin pushes himself more up on the bed so he could lean up with the support of the head board.

Once he is in place you slowly begin to take him in your mouth, "Hmmm, (y/n)," He gasped loudly, not caring who heard, "Fuck... So amazing."

You hum as you take him in further causing a hiss to escape his lips at the vibrations you sent around his cock. He placed his hand on your head and tangled his fingers through your hair.

You let him control your movements as your mouth bobs up and down his length. Breathing heavily he forces you down even more, hitting the back of your throat, causing you to gag a little, "That's right," Erwin growled at you, "You love chocking on my cock."

His dirty words had you feeling even more aroused as you hum in response while giving his balls some attention as well. You love bringing this side out of Erwin. He may be polite and a total gentleman, but you enjoy breaking that exterior and getting to the more animalistic side of him.

"(Y/n)," He moaned as you quickened your pace, "I'm going to-"

You moan even more as you bobbed up and down faster, swirling your tongue around his head and up and down his length. He releases inside your mouth with a loud grunt, saying your name over and over. You swallow his seed and remove him from your mouth.

Erwin watches you lick your swollen lips and then he reaches out to you, "Get up here and fucking ride me, (y/n)."

You didn't have to be told twice, you crawled up his body and didn't let your gaze leave his, "As you wish, sir." You smile at him as you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him into a passionate kiss.

Erwin places his hand gently on your cheek and pulled you closer to him. This time you attacked him with your tongue first, but you'll never win that battle of dominance when it came to kissing him. You bring out his more wild side after all, no time to worry about being a gentleman when he marks his territory in your mouth.

His kiss always left you feeling breathless, but you were unwilling to come up for air. The feeling of him sucking at your tongue and biting gently and then roughly at your lip always had you begging for more.

You moan into his mouth and press your breasts against his chest. Erwin feels your erect nipples on his chest and decides to give them some much needed attention.

With his hand he reaches down to your ass to coax you to sit up a bit more so he can play with your breasts.

You throw your head back as he pulls your breasts closer to his face, "Ahh- Erwin," You breathed heavily as he took one of your nipples into his mouth while he brought his hand up to play with the other.

He swirls his tongue around expertly and gives your nipple a rough bite. The slight pain turned to pleasure as he licked the sore area.

Unwilling to wait anymore you push on his shoulders to lean him back as you slowly lower yourself down on his large throbbing cock.

Erwin couldn't control the loud moans he let out as he felt your tight pussy walls squeeze him, "Hmmm, yes.. Fuck I've missed this fucking pussy."

You could feel yourself flush at his words and break eye contact with him. But he doesn't let you look away for long, he brought his hand to your face again and pulled it back to face him, "Don't you dare," He growled, "Show me how good I make you feel."

You bite your lip and start moving your hips faster in a circular motion, "You make me feel so fucking good.. I can barely stand it, or put it.. into words." You moaned as you watched his eyes and head roll back, groaning shamelessly at your movements.

It still takes you a little bit to get used to his size again, but when you did you start moving your hips faster up and down. Being on top and being able to control where his cock pounds against you has you panting and moaning uncontrollably.

That familiar sweet coil you feel building in your core you feel is about to burst. You can feel shocks reverberating throughout your body as he attacks your neck with his lips and bit gently at your collar bone.

"Erwin ahh-" You gasp as you feel yourself reach your climax and begin to come apart.

"Do it," Erwin groaned against your throat, "Scream my name, I don't care who can hear you, you're mine."

This sends you over the edge as a warm wave of euphoria washes over you, and as requested by your lover you screamed his name loudly. You didn't care who was around either, in the moment you and Erwin are in a private bubble where nothing and no one else matters.

Erwin let's you come down from your high as your body spasmed and you melt against him. He runs his fingers lightly down your back giving you shivers, "On your knees, cadet. I'm not done." He says in his authoritative voice, giving you renewed energy to give him what he wants.

"Yes sir." You smile at him as you dismount and assume the requested position. He wanted to dominate you, in this position he doesn't need 2 hands to hold himself above you.

"Hands on the bed post." He commanded as he admired your ass, before giving it a firm smack.

You don't question him, you raise your upper body a bit and take hold of the posts that make up the head board.

"Beautiful." Erwin sighed as he kneeled behind you and slowly pushed himself into you again, sharply inhaling at the feeling of your velvety walls clenching him tightly again.

You hissed a little bit at the feeling of him stretching you again since you were still sensitive from your orgasm. But he distracted you by slowly running his hand gently from your hip to grope your ass a little. Then his hand creeped its way up your spine making you moan at his light touches.

He reaches the back of your neck and collects your hair into his fist and pulls on it gently, "Don't let go." He said in a low voice, referring to your hands on the posts.

You nod in response and without warning he started ramming into you again, offering you no mercy, "Oh god, mmmmmm.. so good." You breathed sharply as he hits you deep right away.

Erwin pulls on your hair harder as he growled animalisticly as you contracted around him. He started kissing the back of your neck in an attempt to stifle his moans.

"That's not fair," You whine, "I'm not allowed to keep... myself quiet, but you're allowed to?"

He smirked down at you, "Oh? Is that what you want?"

"I want people to know who makes the... ever stoic Commander Erwin Smith lose himself.. and drive him wild." You say over your shoulder.

Erwin flushed a little bit, to which he was happy you couldn't really see his face. He moves his hand to clutch your shoulder and pounds into you even harder. You could only moan as you could not form words anymore, the feeling of him stretching and hitting your cervix was making you lose your mind.

"It's true," He says as he smiles down at the state he is leaving you in, "You make me feel the best I have ever felt, and I'm not letting you get away from me ever again."

The bed was beginning to hit the wall harder than before as Erwin's thrusts intensify as he gets closer and closer to his end. He leans back up to rest his hand on your lower back and watches the beautiful way your ass bounced against him as he thrusted into you.

"Never make me worry like that again, (y/n)." He mumbles to you, "I'm not kidding, I will lock you in my office and keep you there all to myself."

"Hmmmm ahhh—" Was all you could manage to say as you felt yourself reaching your high once again.

"That's right," He groans loudly, "Cum for me again, god you feel so fucking good I can't stand it."

His pace becomes more sloppy as you scream out his name one final time as your coil breaks in you for the second time, "Oh yes, you're so fucking amazing, mmm-"

Your walls tightening around him and the way you screamed his name was the final chain of events that pushed him over the edge. He continued pumping into you gently as he came inside you. He kisses the back of your neck as he groans your name into your skin.

Erwin pulls out of you and you collapse on the bed, exhausted. He falls beside you and pulls you against him, not letting you get up to your own bed. He didn't care if anyone walked in and saw, he held you tightly and you fell asleep almost instantly, comforted by his warmth and touch.

"I love you." He whispered to you, knowing you were already asleep and couldn't hear him.

He kisses the back of your neck one more time and falls asleep himself.  
  


**Your POV**

It was nice to have another dreamless sleep. I suppose whatever Peter injected me with in the past and recently suppressed my symptoms as well as my memories and the dreams that go along with them. I guess that makes sense, explains why I started having more vivid dreams when my symptoms started to resurface.

I don't know how long this will last, he claims he only gave me a little, so only time will tell what happens next and how quickly.

I can feel Erwin's body warmth against me and his deep breathing signalling he was still asleep. I roll over to look at him, his sleeping face is too adorable to ignore. I should probably get up before someone finds us like this. Though, I'm sure people ended up hearing us last night.

I plant a gently kiss on his forehead before I carefully release myself from Erwin's hold and pull the blankets over him again. As soon as I stand up I realize how sore I really am from last night. But man, was it fun, it's a good kind of pain.

I feel like today is the day I want to head down and find Digman's daughter. I need to find her before Laurie does, who knows what he will do to her. I don't know why, but I definitely feel like she is probably still underground.

I head back over to my side of the hospital room and go into the drawer where I know the reward money Nile gave me will be, as well as Digman's daughter's portrait. Time to attempt to make things right.

I get dressed quickly and quietly and attach the pouch of money to my belt. Maybe I should head to the showers first. I head toward the door and slowly close it. Turning away from the door I start making my way down the hallway.

"Busy night last night?"

I jump when I hear a voice seemingly out of nowhere, but relax a bit when I see it was just Peter, "You startled me."

"Good," He smirked at me as he leaned against the threshold to his office, "You and Erwin startled me last night, you're very... vocal."

Ah shit, it wasn't really something I worried about at the time... Even though Peter heard us, I don't feel that embarrassed, what do I care if people hear how good of a fuck Erwin is?

My face goes a little red, "Yeah, well gotta get while the gettin's good, right?"

"Your speech seems to be mostly back to normal." I relieved smile spreads across his face.

"Yeah, I guess.." I shrug

"Where were you going?" He asks me curiously.

"Coming to find you," I lied, "I would like to be discharged, please."

"... You do know that you can't formally request to be discharged, yeah? I get to decide that based on different criteria, you know this."

"I'm confident I'll be okay, I was able to survive an 'energetic' night with Erwin... you can let me go shower by myself and get some fresh air.. for a couple hours," I argue, "Plus, you know I'll be okay, I haven't had any.. tremors or anything as you know. So I'm going." I finish briskly as I continue to walk away from him.

"Where are you going?" He repeats after me.

"You don't suck my dick, so I feel no obligation to owe you an explanation."

"(Y/n)-"

"Peter, we just got to a place in our relationship where I don't want to.. punch you every time I look at you. Don't ruin that." I warn him.

"I just wanted to say your mother is buried at the same cemetery Malcolm is in. Maybe you should pay her a visit, it may make you feel a little more at peace. Say a final goodbye." He offers.

"Thanks." I grumble to him and rush out of the hospital wing. I just want to shower, get to the underground, find Digman's daughter and be done with it.

I head in the direction of the female dorms first, I have to get my hood and Sasha won't be there to ask questions, since she is apart of Levi's new squad. There are a few people who stop me along the way to ask how I am doing. I keep my answers brief and get away before they can stop me for too long.

Wishful thinking, but maybe I'll run into Kenny while I'm underground. I don't know where to find him and he owes me a piece to the puzzle that is my fucked up life.

I get to my room, grab my hood and another change of clothes and head toward the showers. It will be nice to shower by myself. The last couple times a nurse had to over see me to make sure I didn't get hurt or get worse suddenly.

After I shower and get dressed I finally make my way toward the stables. It was so nice to see my horse again, judging by his reaction when he saw me, the feeling was mutual.

"Hey boy," I greet him with a smile as he leans his face against my hand for more scratches, "Ready to go?"

As I scramble about to get him saddled quickly, I catch a glimpse of the horse that abandoned me when I was heading to Digman's. Good, I'm glad he at least found his way back safe and sound. I hold no grudge, when faced with a titan I would have left my ass behind too. I wonder if anyone found Digman's horse after I left her so l could help Eren.

Nothing I can do right now, time for me to go. I finish saddling up and head out of the stables before anyone can find me and ask where I am going.

Should I stop by the cemetery as Peter suggested? I don't know, I've never really went to one and mourned the dead. Even after Mac died, I've never been to the cemetery to visit his grave. Maybe it's because Mac isn't actually there, he was eaten by a titan, so there would only be a headstone with his name on it, no body to bury.

As for my mother, she may be buried there, but it's not her anymore. Just an empty vessel that she used to inhabit. I don't know I feel uncomfortable when I think about it.

I ride silently the rest of the way to the ring entrance to the underground. I tie my horse up securely and make sure my hood is pulled over my head, obscuring my face and hair.

Looking around the underground is just as crowded as ever. Who am I even going to inquire to for information on the whereabouts on Digman's daughter? Would Uwe know? I suppose his bar is a good a place to check as any. Maybe I'll run into Ash again, I don't think I'll be back down digging around for information again after this. Not if I have Peter to help me remember. I don't need Kenny if I have Peter to fill in the blanks, but he still owes me a debt that I intend on collecting.

As I'm trying to think about where Digman's daughter could be, my feet seem to have a mind of their own without me actively telling them where to go. I wasn't paying attention on where exactly I was walking until I stopped myself and looked around.

I found myself standing in front of my old house where I lived with my mother. It looked just as run down as I remember years ago, but now it's boarded up and covered in graffiti, exactly how I found it last time I was down here. Last time I was standing in front of it I thought about going in... For whatever reason, I feel like I want to go in there now.. See what happens.. More forgotten memories perhaps? I wonder if Peter's recent dose will prevent me from having flashbacks as well..

I try the door and am surprised that it is unlocked. But I guess it's not that strange, why would marauders bother to lock the place up after they were done looting? I take a deep breath and step through the threshold.

_"You're never here, Seth!" I heard my mother screaming at my father while I was trying to read on the couch, "I came down here to be with you!"_

_I'm pretty good at blocking her out, she spouts a lot of nonsense these days. But when my father is here it always agitates her more._

_"If I could be here I would, Laney!" My father shouted back at her, "You think I like leaving you 2 alone here?! Well I fucking don't! But it has to be this way, you used to know that!"_

_"(Y/n)!" My mother rounds on me, "Say something!" She clutched onto my father's arms tightly as she gives me a pleading look._

_"No. Stop. Don't go." I smirk as I purposely speak quietly, barely loud enough for either of them to hear me. I don't even bother looking up, what do I care if he leaves or stays? It's always like this, he comes for a little while, leaves for who knows how long and comes back to annoy me more. Nothing new._

_"No, she is coming with me." My father stated to my mother, shrugging her off._

_"Like hell I am!" I protest, jumping up from the couch, "I'm not going anywhere with you! Go fuck yourself, Seth!" I offer him the finger, turn on my heels and stomp toward my room._

_"(Y/n)! Don't talk to your father that way!" My mother yells after me. She always defends him, I'm getting sick of it._

_I don't bother responding to either of them, I almost reach my room but my father rushes after me and lifted me up. I kick out and yell profanities at him to let me go, but he ignores me._

_My mother watches me as my father takes me, kicking and screaming, out of the house._

Ow, my head. That answers that then I guess, I do still have flashbacks. I felt dizzy when I came back to reality and I was standing in what once was our living room. I look around the room, and still see some furniture that has been left here, including the couch from my memory. There were planks of wood of varying sizes littering the floor that must have fallen from the roof given the state of it.

My mother’s old piano is still sitting in the same place I remember it to be. I guess the one I saw at the Sanderson residence really was just one that looked remarkably similar to this one.

Staring at the piano was only making me even more sad, so I moved on into the next room.

_“Mom!” I shouted at her as she was humming to herself, washing dishes, “Seth is here!”_

_My mother jumps when she hears me, “(Y/n), he’s your father, stop calling him by his first name.”_

_“It’s fine, Laney,” He grumbled as he rounded the corner and walked into the kitchen too, “Let’s go, (y/n).”_

“ _No thanks,” I smirk up at my father, “I’d rather do literally anything else.”_

_“Too bad.” My father grunted, “Let’s go, we don’t have much time.”_

_“Wait, Seth!” My mother grasped his arm, “Please, I remember! But it’s okay, I’ll be fine! Just bring us there!”_

_I squint up at her, “What are you talking about, mom?”_

_I look up at my father and I’m surprised when I see a flash of fear in his eyes. How strange, I’ve never seen him frightened, only angry._

_“Let’s go.” My father repeats to me and drags me out of the house._

_“No! Seth wait! Listen to me!” I hear the desperation in my mother’s voice as she pleads with my father, but he ignores her._

I shake my head as I’m thrown back into reality. That was when I was around 10 I think... That visit was a particularly bad one. I don’t remember where my father took me though. I just remember coming home and my mother looked like she was absolutely defeated.

I would play the piano for her in an attempt to cheer her up. Whenever my father visited she was always more on edge, more irritable and confused. I hated whenever he came to visit because it only hurt my mother when he did. He was always cold toward her. She told me when they were together before he was amazing to her.. I don’t believe that for a second.

I don’t want to go any further, I don’t want anymore memories of my father making my mother upset and forcing me out of the house to train and do whatever else. Maybe it was one of the times he brought me to Uwe’s bar..? But that was when I was a lot younger. The flashbacks I just had I was between 10 and 11 at the time.

Even though I didn’t want to, I felt my legs carry me further into the decrepit house I used to call home. Other than the washroom, there were 2 rooms left, mine and my mother’s.

_I hear someone crying as I walk down the hallway, it has to be mom. I knock lightly on her door, “Mom?” I open the door with a freak and peek in, “Are you okay? I’m coming in.”_

_I creep slowly into the room and I see my mother laying on the bed, facing away from me, “Mom?” I try to call out to her again but she doesn’t respond._

_I sigh and lay down next to her, “Mom,” I shake her shoulder gently, “What’s wrong? Who’s ass do I need to kick?”_

_She chuckles a little bit, “Since when did you start calling me ‘Mom’? You always call me ‘mama’.”_

_“I haven’t done that since I turned 10.” I remind her._

_She turns over to face me, she gives me a confused look. She stares at me for a little bit then she relaxes her face, “Sorry darling, I forgot.”_

_“I know,” I smile gently at her, “I’m used to it.”_

_“I’m not doing so well, (y/n).” She said as she brushed my hair behind my shoulders, her hands were trembling slightly._

_“Yeah, whenever Seth drops by out of the blue you’re usually more confused.” I note out loud to her._

_“You can’t blame your father for everything, (y/n).” She smiles at me sadly._

_“Sure I can, I just did.”_

_“One day you’ll understand, Beth.”_

_“I’m (y/n).” I roll my eyes._

_“I love Seth very much, he’s not the greatest at showing it, but he loves us both very much.”_

_“But why do you love him, mom?!” I let out a frustrated sigh, “He’s a fucking asshole! And a waste of valuable oxygen!”_

_“Why do the birds sing? Why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why does the wind blow? Some things cannot be explained, they just are.” My mother replies._

_“Incorrect,” I flick her forehead, “Every question has an answer, mom. Everything has a scientific and logical explanation.”_

_“One day, (y/n), you’re going to have a question for the answer of which you will not find in a book.” She sighs._

_“Sure mom, but until then I’m going to continue to be the logical one out of the 2 of us.”_

_“And cynical, I’m pretty sure your first word was ‘morose’ instead of ‘’mama.’” She giggles._

_“Yeah, that sounds like me.”_

_“You could really afford to be more hopeful and happy. You’re going to have a hard time finding someone who will settle down with you.” She scolds me._

_“... That’s exactly what I am trying to avoid. I don’t need someone in my life that is going to make me feel like shit. I mean, look what it’s done to you.”_

_I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I can’t take it back and I’m not necessarily wrong. I was kind of surprised she didn’t smack me right there, I have a knack for speaking my mind, good and bad. But she never punished me for it, if anything she encourages it._

_“Let’s leave, mom.” I say, surprising myself, where did that come from?_

_“We can’t sweetheart, we need to stay here and wait for your father.”_

_“No! I’ve had enough waiting for him! Let’s run away, let’s go somewhere else! Do you need me to work? I will! I will do anything, just please let’s go. This place isn’t good for you, you’re getting worse.”_

“ _No, my love. Your father asked us to stay down here until the time is right. So we will stay.” She raises her shaky hand to caress my cheek, but I brush it away._

_“No! This is what you want for me? You want me to attract a husband so I can sit around and be an obedient bitch just waiting at the door for him?”_

_“One day you’ll understand, but not today. And one day you will love someone so much you will sacrifice everything for them. Even if it means sacrificing your memories, and all the beliefs you hold dear. Or leaving the woman you love and your child to accomplish a dangerous task to protect not only them, but everyone else too.”_

_“If someone really loved you they wouldn’t make you sacrifice everything.” I grumble._

_She rubs my cheek gently, “You’ll understand one day.”_

Just as quickly as the flashback started, it ended. The room is a mess like the living room. Loose wood everywhere and my mother’s bed is still here.

I stare at the familiar bed where I was just lying next to my mother. ‘Sacrifice my memories,’ what did she mean? Peter said she had classified information that they wanted her to forget. But what would my father have to do with that? Maybe she didn’t mean it that way, during that time she was spiralling down quickly when it came to her memory and cognition.

I back out of the room and my feet take me to my room next. Why not? Might as well at this point.

_I was lying in my bed facing the wall and I could hear voices behind me. It was my parents, they must think I’m sleeping judging by their hushed tone. I can see their shadows projected on the wall from the dimly lit candle in the room._

_“She is going to live with Lawrence, he bought her.” I hear my mother say to my father._

“ _What the fuck is wrong with you, Laney? Do you know what they are going to do to her?” He snarled at her._

_“What are you talking about, David? You introduced me to him. He’s a lovely man, I met him today!” My mother replied in a confused tone._

_“Seriously? Did you just call me David?” I thought he was going to go off on her, but he seemed to hold himself back._

_“Seth!” My mother suddenly exclaimed as if she just noticed he was there, “Watch over (y/n), I know you have business outside the walls, and I know it’s dangerous for you to enter the capital. But you’ll look in on (y/n) once in awhile, won’t you?”_

“ _I can’t, Laney and you know that. At least you used to know that.”_

_“I’m sorry, Seth. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep your secrets, I’m sorry I couldn’t-“ My mother cut herself off and didn’t finish her sentence._

_When my mother paused I hear my father speak more gently, “No, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from this.” I stare at my parents shadows and almost have a heart attack when I saw my father pull my mother into a hug._

_I hear my mother start to cry, I don’t know why she is crying, but my father held her for awhile, I don’t know how long he held her, but he was still holding her by the time I finally drifted off to sleep._

When I came to I was clutching the threshold of my old room. It was in the same state as my mother’s room, broken wood everywhere and my old bed exactly where I left it.

I felt anger coarse through me, what the fuck was that? He didn’t try to fight for us at all. He just let my mother go back to David and me into the arms of Lawrence Pearson.

I can’t stand the site of this place anymore, in my haste to get out I end up tripping over one of the many long planks of wood that were scattered all over the floor.

I grunt in pain as I hit the floor hard. I pick up the wood I tripped over and stand up, mind set on throwing it across the room as if to punish it for intentionally tripping me. But I pause when I see my mother’s piano again. Some of the anger subsides and I walk over toward it.

The piano was covered with layers of dust that I sent into the air as I brush my fingers over the familiar instrument.

_“Mama, why did you start playing the piano?” I ask her as she sits me next to her on the piano bench._

_She doesn’t answer right away, just plays a song as I sit quietly and watch her._

_“Because just for a moment I feel like a different person, like I can be anyone I want to be. For a moment it’s just the piano and I, no one else. I can sit and feel the music and not think about anything else. The problems I have will disappear for a little while and I can deal with them later. It’s also what made your father fall in love with me, did you know that?”_

_“Who?” I squint up at her._

_“Your father.” She repeats._

_I just give her a blank look, still not understanding who she is referring to._

_“Doesn’t matter, sweetie.” She sighs and smiles gently at me._

_“I want to play too.” I announce._

_She laughs, “And you will,” She pulls me onto her lap, “I’ll teach you.”_

_I smile brightly back up at her and remain silent for the rest of the song._

I open my eyes and notice I’m now sitting at the piano where I was in my flashback, only my mother isn’t here.

“Mom.” I mumble as I brush my fingers against the keys.

Why couldn’t it have worked out? Obviously at one point my father did have some kind of affection for my mother. So why? Why didn’t he stop me from going to Laurie? Why didn’t he do everything he could to stop my mother from going back to David? All these memories and I still have no fucking idea what is going on.

I’m getting more aggravated than ever before. It feels like my world is crumbling down around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it or explain it.

I clutch the long plank of wood I still have in my hand and just start hitting everything in site with it. No piece of furniture left over was safe, I just went crazy. All the frustration that has been building up since I learned the truth about my mother’s condition and my own is coming out in an explosive way.

Splinters of wood are flying everywhere, a few of them hitting me but I don’t care. I just saw my father and Laurie taunting me everywhere I turned. After I went wild on the left over furniture, I pause. I was out of breath and I turn toward my mother’s piano again.

I can hear my mother’s voice in my head, ‘You’ll understand one day,’ ‘someone you would sacrifice everything for,’ ‘You’ll understand one day, you’ll understand one day..’

That phrase played back in my head over and over again. My anger and frustration hits an all time high as I start screaming at the piano and hitting it like it owed me money.

Piano keys went flying and littered the floor as I wailed on the piano over and over again. Anger for my mother and my father, anger at how everything turned out for me. The anger of not understanding any of it. And of course the anger I felt at losing my mother and the feeling that I could have done more. I should have said more. I should have spent more time with her even if it was painful for me. Because however much it hurt me to see her like that, it had to make her feel 10 time worse. You never think the last time you see someone is going to be the last time you will ever see them. You always think you have more time, but you don’t. That knowledge is driving me crazy and tearing me apart.

I’m pulled out of my destructive rampage when I hear a loud, ‘Ahem’ by the front door. I whip around to the direction of the door, still shaking and breathing heavily. There was a skinny boy standing in the threshold, I squint at him and recognize his short black hair and green eyes, “Ash.” I nod at him nonchalantly, “Please excuse the mess, there was a rather large spider I had to get..”

“I see,” He smirked, “Did you get it?”

“... Yes,” I clear my throat uncomfortably, “What are you doing here?”

“You’re pretty loud you know,” He laughs, “I heard some kids screaming down the street saying this house was haunted. So I thought I would come and check it out.”

“Well it’s nice to see you again, here,” I remember his pocket knife still on my person and handed it over to him, “I don’t expect I’ll be back.”

“Oh yeah?” He looks a little disappointed, “Well what brings you down now?”

Oh! That’s right, he might know where Digman’s daughter is. I pull out the portrait I have of her and hand it to him, “Have you seen this woman down here?”

Ash takes the portrait from me and studies it, “Hmmm, yes, she works at one of the brothels down here. Who is she?”

“Not important,” I grab the portrait back from him, “Thank you.”

“Hang on,” He stops me before I push past him, “You’re just going to start blindly searching all the brothels down here?”

“Yeah, I don’t have much of a choice unless you...know what specific one she is at.”

“Are you okay?” He asks me when I pause during my sentence, still having some trouble speaking normally.

“Yes,” I roll my eyes, “Move please.”

“Wait,” He stops me again, “What has been going on up there? More men from the capital have been showing up down here. Why?”

That was news to me, obviously it has something to do with Laurie. Is he trying to recruit as many people as he can? He doesn’t have Digman to do it for him anymore after all.

“I heard one of Pearson’s traffickers tragically died.” I shrug, “He’s probably scrambling to gather more little pets... he can groom.”

“Actually there were a couple who approached me.” He said uncomfortably.

“Really?” I raise my eyebrows at him, “You look a little to skinny to peek Laurie’s interest. Maybe some of the wallists will like you, I’ve heard they like ‘em young.”

“Not about that,” He sighs, “About that orphanage down here, you know where Pearson sends babies?”

I pause at that, everyone of Laurie’s people knew where the unfortunate children who were birthed to Laurie’s pets ended up. I’ve never been there of course but I know where it is located. To my knowledge there are at least 20 young ones there of varying ages. But that number has probably increased since I left Laurie a few years ago for good. Laurie’s demented birth control methods are usually successful, but nothing works 100% of the time.

“What about it?” I ask him wearily.

“Nothing too specific,” He replied thoughtfully, “Just if I knew of any rumours of the names of the kids there or their possible fathers.”

“Why would you know that?”

“Dunno,” He shrugged, “But I think I’ve seen that woman in the portrait around that brothel next to the orphanage.”

“Alright, thanks.” I pat him on the shoulder as I start making my way in the direction I know that orphanage is in.

“Wait,” He grabbed onto my shoulder, “Keep it for now.” He hands me his pocket knife again, “I have a feeling your business down here has not yet concluded.”

... Cryptic. I narrow my eyes at him, “What is with you?”

“Just be careful down here, (y/n).”

“Said the boy that got mixed up with a gang and owes them a debt.” I rebut.

He doesn’t respond, just walks quickly past me and onto the crowded streets. What a weird kid.

Regardless of the weird conversation, I tuck the pocket knife back into my sleeve and head out. I make sure my hood is securely over my head as I make my way through the crowd. Trying not to move too quickly as to not draw too much attention to myself on the way.

About an hour later I reach my destination. There are 2 large buildings standing side by side. One was 8 stories high and pretty run down looking. I look at the sign above the door, ‘Layflower’. I guess this is probably the brothel.

Next to it was another large building, but it was only 3 stories high and in better condition than the brothel. It didn’t have a sign above it, but this must be the orphanage Laurie set up for the poor babies born in unfortunate circumstances to his pets. Doomed to grow up underground by abusive people to be raised to be just as horrible as the other corrupt people that work for Laurie.

I shake my head silently and head up to the door leading into the brothel. It’s a dimly lit miserable place, but not as dirty as I assumed it would be. There are already a lot of men here drinking and smoking. I can barely breathe as I’m hit with a wall of smoke as I walk past a group of men passing around the same terrified looking girl.

A woman standing behind the bar sees me wandering around and approaches me, “Hello my darling,” She gushed when she saw me, “How may I help you today?” The woman looked like she was in her mid to late 40s and was covered up a little more than the rest of the men and women working here.

I continue to look around the room to see if I can see Digman’s daughter. As I look around at the men and women who work here I can see most of them were in pretty rough shape. They were bruised, cut and scared in varying degrees. I feel their pain.

My eyes are drawn to one woman standing off in the corner of the room. That looks like her, I can see her icy blue eyes from here, “I want her.” I say to the woman as I point over at who I assumed is Digman’s daughter.

The woman follows my finger and smiles back at me, “Of course, let me show you to a private room and I will send her right up. We do require payment first though, you know how it is.” I reach into my pocket and pay her as she motions for me to follow her up the stairs.

I follow her as she heads upstairs, “So, has she pleased you before? What has you drawn to Liza?”

Liza Digman? No, probably an alias, “No,” I answer her, “She just had less bullet wounds than the others... You truly make sure you take care of your girls and guys, huh?”

“What will you have me do? Judging from the condition of your clothes you’re not from the underground. It’s a hard unpleasant life down here, woman who want to survive know what they need to do to survive. I don’t question why you are here, so you don’t question my business.”

“Fair enough.”

We go up a few flights of stairs and she opens a door for me. I walk into the room, it’s dimly lit like the downstairs main bar area. There was a small bed that looked a little dusty and some naked portraits up on the walls, “Nice.” I comment to the woman.

“I’ll get Liza.” The woman mumbled and closed the door. I looked around the room again as I waited for her. There is a small window looking out over the orphanage next door, so I decide to head over there.

Looks like I’m 4 stories up, looking over at the roof of the orphanage. I don’t see anyone around, they must all be inside. As I continue to stare out I see a couple of men walking towards the orphanage. I don’t recognize them from this distance, but they are wearing military police uniforms. What are MPs doing down here at Laurie’s orphanage?

I watch them approach the door to the orphanage and disappear inside. I sit at the window sill and wait for something to happen. Either Digman’s daughter will come into the room first, or the 2 men will leave the orphanage.

A few more minutes go by and I watch the men emerge. I squint my eyes as I notice one of them is carrying a baby in his arms. I can’t tell how old it is, I’m too far away. But it can’t be more than a year though considering its size.

This must be a first, I’ve never heard of babies leaving that orphanage, only entering. Strange... I wonder what is going on..? Did the father choose to take the baby in? That’s the only explanation I can think of. The women aren’t allowed to keep their babies, but if the father decides he wants the child, he can have custody. But I think that has only happened once from what I can remember. Most of them are doomed to grow up in the underground.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, master,” I hear a female voice say as the door opens, “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long.”

“It’s fine, and you don’t have to call me master.” I pull off my hood so she could see me fully.

“You- you’re-“ She stuttered, shocked when she looked at me.

“Yeah, and you’re Edmund Digman’s daughter, correct?” I ask her as I pull out the portrait I have of her, “Or am I mistaken?”

She stares at the portrait of herself, she does indeed look a little different in person. She had long pretty wavy brown hair in her portrait, in reality it is tied up in a messy ponytail and reaches just above her shoulders.

Her icy clue eyes are dull and a little lifeless and she has huge bags under her eyes that would give Levi a run for his money. She had a black eye that looks like she tried to cover up as best she could, but the effort was wasted.

Staring at her beaten body I feel for her, I know what it’s like taking a beating from people and not being able to fight back.

“Your name isn’t Liza, is it?” I ask her as she takes the portrait from me.

“No,” She replies quietly, “It’s Lara Digman.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Lara... I’m (y/n) (l/n).”

“I know who you are.”

“Figured you may have heard of me.”

“You killed my father.”

“Yes, that’s how I found that.” I reply, pointing at the portrait in her hands.

“What do you want with me? To punish me too? I’ve been able to avoid Pearson’s men so far. I can’t excuse anything my father did, but please, I had nothing to do with any of it.” She said softly.

I was taken aback by her reaction, I assumed when she found out who I was she would yell and scream at me while attacking me. But she looked like a broken woman who has given up, I felt nothing but sympathy toward her as she crumbled to her knees and started sobbing.

I know how it feels to have a father who’s methods you don’t agree with, but yet have to suffer for his actions anyway.

“I’m not here to get revenge on you... because of your father,” I reassure her gently as I take the pouch of money I received as a reward for killing Digman. I drop it on the floor in front of her with a thud and she stopped covering her face with her hands to see what I dropped.

“What is this for?” She asked me as she peered into the contents of the bag.

“To remedy the situation the best I can,” I mumble, “Pearson’s men are already looking for you... as I know you probably already realize that... Take this money and run. There should be enough.. for you to survive on the run for awhile... Leave the underground and don’t look back.”

“Why are you doing this?” She narrows her eyes at me.

“I take no pleasure in doing what I did to your father... It’s not something I wanted to do, but I had to.. I’m sorry. I found your portrait in his drawer.. When I showed it to him there was a softness I saw briefly... cross his eyes when he saw you... It’s obvious you’re probably the only thing he loved in this world... So take his bounty and get out of here.. Don’t you think he would have wanted that for you?”

It’s probably not a good idea for me to stay for too long, I need to get going, “Again, I’m sorry. I did what I did, and I don’t think you should be the one who has.. to suffer for it... I don’t expect forgiveness regardless of if it was right or wrong... Take that money off my hands and try to give yourself a better life.”

She stares down at the floor and doesn’t reply, I take that as my que to leave. I step around her and wish her well, but she speaks up and I stop at the threshold to listen, “I know who my father was, I’m not ignorant. I know he ruined hundreds of lives including your own. But he was still my father. However cruel and horrible he was to everyone else around him, including my mother, he was wonderful to me.. He was my father..”

She trails off and I can see she is crying again, “I know,” was all I could think to say, “Take care, Lara.”

I pull my hood over my head again and leave the room, closing the door gently behind me. Hopefully she will take her time and decide where she will go next. I didn’t want to go through the front where I came in. Maybe if that woman doesn’t see me leave she will just assume I’m still in that room with Lara. This will give her some more time to herself to think, rather than being thrown into another bed right away.

I duck into an empty room on the second floor and open the window of the room just enough for me to sneak out. I bend my legs to help absorb the bit of shock from jumping from the second floor and start heading toward the entrance to the underground.

I don’t want to push my luck by staying down here for too long, even though I did kind of want to look in on Uwe to see if maybe Kenny has been around. But that will have to wait until another day.

It takes me about an hour and a quarter to make my way back to the surface, but when I do I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I’m glad I was able to find Digman’s daughter, someone should take full advantage of that money, and I can’t think of a better person to do that than his daughter. It doesn’t make me feel much better in regards to me actually killing him, but at least I can feel like I did the right thing.

I was surprised by how quickly I was able to track her down. It would have taken me hours of Ash didn’t hear my outburst. I guess even Lara already knew Laurie’s men were looking for her, but obviously they aren’t trying very hard. I’m sure he has more pressing matters and only has a small group trying to search the underground. And if they didn’t already really know what she looks like, that would just make everything harder for them.

I mount back up on my horse and start to head back toward HQ, but then I start thinking about what happened at my old house. The anger I felt when those memories flashed into my mind, the sadness I felt when I sat at the piano and the betrayal I felt by my father.

Maybe I will visit her... I know where that cemetery is, it’s not that far from where my house is.

I make my way in that direction and ride in silence, what do people even do when they go to a cemetery? I don’t know, I’ll just find her grave and see I guess.

I ride up to the entrance of the cemetery and tie up my horse again. Ugh, I already feel uncomfortable.

I wonder why she wasn’t buried in the capital. That’s where she lived after all... I guess it was probably in her will... But why?

The iron gates are wide open and I slowly walk my way into it. It was quite a large cemetery considering its location. As I casually glance at the headstones as I walk down the path, I see a lot of wings of freedom symbols, indicating a lot of members of the survey corps are buried here. I see some Garrison and even fewer military police symbols.

I don’t know where exactly it is I am going, I don’t know where exactly my mother is buried. But reading some of the dates on the head stones, the further I go in the more recent the dates. Good to know, my mother should be further in if that’s the case.

I don’t see anyone else around as I make my way further down the path, which is nice. I would rather be alone during this. But I pause when I see someone bowing their heads and kneeling and leaving some flowers in front of a grave. I didn’t recognize them, they were wearing a hood, obscuring their face. But judging by the person’s build, I think it is safe to assume it is a man.

I duck behind a tree so they don’t see me, I don’t want to interrupt whatever moment it is he is having. I’m sure he would appreciate privacy.

He must have sensed me approaching I realize as I hear him scramble to his feet. Confused by his haste I peek around the tree and notice him looking over at the spot on the path where I was just standing. He’s pretty sharp. He turns on his heels and briskly walks toward the exit on the other side of the cemetery.

Once he was out of site I fully step out from behind the tree and continue on. That was a little weird, I didn’t think he would leave if he knew I was there... Oh well, maybe he is just really private.

I casually look over at the grave stone he was at as I walk past it, and freeze.

‘ _Laney Sanderson’._

What the hell? Who the fuck was that? I doubt David would conceal his identity and neither would Ben. So who was that? She saw so few people other than her immediate family.

I feel my heart tighten as I read her headstone and I have to look away from it as a flood of emotions rushes forward, threatening to overwhelm me. I glance around at the other headstones and sure enough, a few rows back and to the right I also see ‘ _Malcolm Meyer’,_ with the wings of freedom over his name.

This is too much, too many emotions are coming forward and I don’t know how to handle it, but I also feel so confused. Who was that man? Why was he hiding his identity? How did he know my mother?

“I thought I would find you here at some point.” A male voice says. I jerk to my right and see Kenny standing there with a smug look on his face.

“Make a habit of hanging out in cemeteries and scaring people, Kenny?” I ask him irritably.

“Well if I scare them to death, it’s convenient that they are already in a cemetery. No, I just figured you would come here eventually. A final goodbye to your crazy mother, eh? How sweet.”

“Just give me what you owe me and fuck off.” I snap at him.

“Right,” He goes into his pocket and pulls something out and hands it to me, “Here.”

I snatch the items from him and frown down at them, “Portraits? That’s what I get for killing Digman?”

“Hey, I told you, if you want more useful information you have to target people higher up, not just dogs like Digman. Look closer at them.”

I let out a frustrated sigh and stare down at the portraits again. They are amazingly detailed for such small portraits, “The details are amazing,” I comment, “Who is the artist?”

“No artist,” Kenny smirks, “Those aren’t portraits, they are called photographs. Made by technology that is far greater than ours. Does one of the men look familiar?”

In the first photograph it was in black and white, there were 2 men in it. They both appeared to be in some type of uniform, almost looked like some type of military uniform, nothing I recognized. One of them was also wearing a lab coat. The man standing on the right with the lab coat catches my eye though.. What the hell... He looks like my father...

“Where was this?”

“Somewhere beyond the walls.” He replies.

I look down at the photograph again, “Seth?” I ask him.

“Very good,” He claps, “Turn it over.”

I do as he requested and I can read 2 names on the back, ‘ _Eren Kruger and Seth (l/n)’._

“... Is the name Eren Kruger significant?”

“I wonder..” Kenny teases.

“Kenny-“ I growl at him as I turn my attention to the other photograph. It was also in black and white, I recognize one man as being this ‘Eren Kruger’ man. His straight hair almost reached his shoulders and he had a very stern looking face.

There were 2 other men I didn’t recognize. There was another man wearing the same type of uniform as Kruger, and they were both holding onto a man that looked like he was yelling. His eyes were wide with fear and he seemed like he was trying to get away from the 2 men that were holding him tightly. Other than Eren Kruger, the other man holding onto the other arm looked short and fat, probably middle aged.

I turn the photograph over and read the back, ‘ _Grisha Yeager (middle), last of the restorationist group sentenced to Paradis island. Sentences will be carried out by Sergeant Major Gross (right) and Sergeant Kruger (left).’_

... Wait... Did I read that right? Grisha Yeager? Isn’t that the name of Eren’s father.. What the hell? What’s his relationship to this Eren Kruger man? And what is his relationship to my father? Pardis island.. why does that name ring a bell?

Suddenly an overwhelming rush of pain takes over my body. I collapse on the ground and scream in agony as Kenny laughs at me. So this is significant, if it weren’t my body wouldn’t have reacted this way.

“This seems like a pretty important piece of information... Kenny. Thought you said you wouldn’t reveal anything... too significant.” I wheeze.

“I’m just giving you information you already had at one point, nothing new. This is what you get Peitho, the truth hurts. Literally. You want more, you’ll have to get a much more prestigious target.” He goes into his trench coat and pulls out a file, “This is your next target, and I’ll tell you all about daddy and his pal in the photograph, along with the mystery man that was arrested in the second one.”

“No deal, Kenny, you can get someone else to.. do your dirty work for you now.. I have someone else who can help me get my memories... back.”

“Oh yeah? You and Thompson kiss and make up?”

“I wouldn’t say that, but he agreed to help me.”

“Sure he did,” He chuckles darkly, “You go do that then, you’ll be back though, begging for me to give you the names of the people who work in the shadows for Pearson to kill.”

“Yeah, okay Kenny.” I don’t want to stick around. I wave him off and head out of the cemetery. The name Eren Kruger doesn’t mean anything to me yet, but the existence of this photograph itself is a pretty significant piece of evidence that proves the existence of there being life outside the walls. A society of people who are more advanced than us. I don’t know how Kenny was able to get a hold of something like this, but I guess in the end it doesn’t really matter.

Should I show it to anyone? Maybe I should give it to Hange..? No, that’s not a good idea, I need to find out more before I go to anyone else. This is highly classified information, if word got out about this and I told Hange and Erwin about it they would be in big trouble too. Maybe I should take a trip to see Eren. This Eren Kruger man appeared to have been arresting Eren’s father... So why does it appear that Eren is named after him?

I may as well see what I can find out, I doubt he knows anything, but it’s worth a try. Plus, I haven’t seen Levi’s grumpy face since yesterday and I haven’t annoyed him for awhile, so that’s a bonus.

I reach the gate of the cemetery, grab my horse and set off to the secret location of Levi and his new squad.


	43. Chapter 43: Frustrations (Lemon)

**Warning:** This chapter contains a lemon part closer to the end. If lemons aren't your thing, don't read the Author POV part at the end. Cheers!

**Your POV**

I was pretty excited to see everyone again. I haven't seen any of them since I woke up, they are in hiding after all. I don't really know the details, but the scouts are definitely under surveillance at the moment.

No doubt works getting out about the true identities of the armour and the colossal titans has caused quite a stir among higher ups. I'm sure the capital is trying to restrict, if not stop, scout activities as best as they can.

I'm still in shock about Reiner and Bertolt being the titans that destroyed the walls. It's so hard to wrap my mind around it. But I guess that is the point, they played their roles skillfully.

Are they from the place those 2 photographs were taken in? Or somewhere like that? They were always pretty vague when you asked them where they came from. I never really found it that strange, but it makes sense now I suppose. I would love to hear what Armin has to say about this too. I'm sure he has lots of thoughts on the matter.

I wonder what exactly has been going on since I was in my coma and for the time I've been awake but still in the hospital. No one will really tell me anything, so I have been pretty much in the dark.

No one has mentioned Reiner, Bertolt or even Ymir to me at all. It's weird.. They must have escaped though, however Eren's safety was the priority in that situation so it's not too surprising they didn't fight to apprehend them too.

As I continue walking down the trail I realize I don't know the 'exact' location of their hide out. Hange just mentioned the general area of where they are. I guess they didn't give me specifics on purpose to deter me from going out there... Nice try, but that won't stop me!

I feel like I can hear murmuring not far from me. I turn in the direction of the voices, I can't make out what the voices are saying, but I definitely hear someone chatting. I nudge my horse with my heels to ask him to pick up his pace a bit.

It has to be someone on the scouts, right? No one else has any business out here other than us, it is pretty isolated. But I should still be cautious, you never know.

As I get closer to the source of the noise, I see a group of people on horse back. I sigh with relief when I see they are wearing scout uniforms. Perfect, but who is it?

My horse picks up the pace when he sees more horses and we canter our way over to the group, "Hey!" I call out to the group. Once they hear me they stop and turn in the direction of my voice to see who it is.

"(Y/n)?!" I hear Hange squeal when she saw me, "What are you doing out here?"

She tried to sound stern, but I could tell she was happy to see me, and I was overjoyed to see her too, "Look away, Moblit!" I yell at him as I ride right up to Hange, "Hange and I need some private time!"

Without warning I jump off my horse and onto Hange's lap, giving her a big hug, "Someone is in a good mood." She laughs as she hugs me back.

"Cadet (l/n), what are you doing out of bed and away from the hospital?" I hear Moblit ask me nervously.

I can't tell them I need to talk to Eren because I have these weird photograph things that involve his father, and a weird civilization outside the walls. I guess I didn't really put much thought into explaining why exactly I decided to go there in the first place.

"I was bored, and Peter said I could come out for fresh air!" I reply finally.

"Is that so?" Hange raises her eyebrows, "So if I ask Dr. Thompson about that, he would be completely fine with the fact that you are all the way out here instead of just walking around outside HQ?"

"... I was bored, and Peter said I could come out for fresh air," I repeat, "But I didn't specify where I would be going.. for said 'fresh air.'"

"It's fine, Moblit," Hange giggled at Moblit who looked like he was going to argue back, "She's out and about now, we'll keep an eye on her and escort her back later. We need to talk to Erwin urgently anyway."

I looked up at Hange and saw her face fall. I'm not used to seeing Hange look troubled like this, I wonder what could be happening to get such a reaction from her.

"What's going on?" I ask her as I hop back onto my own horse.

"Pastor Nick is dead," Hange lamented, "I just found out this morning."

"Eh? How? What happened?"

"Military police are pretty tight lipped, claimed it is just your average robbery/murder. But the evidence I was able to see says otherwise. There were some pretty high ranking MPs guarding the crime scene of a 'random robbery and murder.'" Hange explained.

She paused to give me time to think about the new information. Why would there be high ranking MPs at the murder scene of a Pastor outside of wall Sina? They usually always stick to the capital and send newer or lower ranking MPs to deal with it. Basically they do everything they can to avoid as much labour as possible.

"How did he die?" I ask Hange.

"I don't know officially, they didn't let much slip about that," Hange replied thoughtfully, "I didn't get a good look at his body for too long before they blocked me. He was pretty badly beaten though and he also appeared to be missing his fingernails."

Torture. Why would a robbery/murder have torture? Who would bother, sticking around a crime scene for too long puts you at greater risk for getting caught. Pastor Nick was apart of the wall cult, right? Was he tortured for information about the walls? Who would find that information useful? No, if that were the case they could have chosen to torture him at any point, right? So why now?

Could it be because he agreed to cooperate with the survey corps? That's the only thing that makes sense to me. But who would punish him for that?

"It's my fault," Hange mumbles, "I was careless."

"What do you mean?" I raise my eyebrows at her.

"I tried to take precautions and list him under a false name and job title. But bringing him to the military barracks was a bad idea. I shouldn't have don't it."

So she does suspect it's the military police that is behind this.

"Hange, they would have found him one way... or another. It's impossible to hide from them when they have... you in their sites. You know that." I remind her, "Does Commander Erwin know?"

"Yeah," She nodded and gave me a mischievous grin, "He seemed to be in a particularly good mood today. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Maybe..."

"Sorry to interrupt," Moblit interrupted quietly, "But we should probably get going, it's already getting kind of late."

"Alright, we can talk on the way," Hange smiles as we start moving, "So, how are you feeling today? Your speech is improving I see."

"I feel.. energized." I wink at her, "But I'm old news, tell me more.. about what's been going on."

"We are still looking for a good location where we can test out Eren's titan abilities. If we can get him to tap into that handy hardening ability we may be able to patch up that hole in Wall Maria so we can finally get a look in Eren's basement."

Right, Eren's basement in Shiganshina is definitely an area of great interest. Especially from the information I got from Kenny, Eren's father is a man that is wrapped up in a lot of mystery.

"But it's actually good that you're coming to visit," Hange continues, "The cadets have been pretty wound up with you gone and them being stuck out here. Eren has been pretty irritable, poor Jean learned that the hard way. He's been wanting to come and see you but we can't afford having him be found."

"Do you think Pastor Nick would have revealed... anything about Eren and Historia's location?" I ask her.

"Well all of his fingernails were missing, pretty sure they wouldn't have bothered with all of them if he talked." Hange replied thoughtfully.

"Have you any proof it was the military police other than speculation?" I push.

"I snuck a peek at one of their hands, his knuckles were freshly bruised and there were still traces of blood. It appeared he had just been beating the shit out of someone."

"Pretty suspicious that's for sure." I nod in agreement. Higher ups with bloody knuckles guarding the crime scene of a random person... Red flags everywhere. 

"I was also able to catch him when he accidentally revealed that he knew Nick was apart of the wall religion, when I made sure I omitted such information when signing him into the barracks. He didn't have anything on him that would indicate to anyone that he was apart of the wallists." Hange explained.

"Pfft!" I laugh, "The MPs are getting careless, they used to be smart...Although, they seem to be acting a bit recklessly... That makes them even more dangerous."

"Indeed, but I was careless as well. I indirectly have a hand in Nick's death too."

"What are you talking about, Hange? There is only so much you can do to hide from the MPs. If they think you have spilt confidential information they will find and kill you no matter what." I try to reassure her.

"I'm the one who took him in and demanded his help, so please tell me, (y/n), who else should I blame?" She asks me quietly.

I don't really know what to say to that, it's next to impossible to hide from the MPs if you're a threat. They have some weird relationship with the wallists, so if they felt Nick betrayed them and became a threat when he decided to cooperate with the scouts... Nothing would have held them back, regardless of Hange's actions.

"How do you explain how you're still alive then?" Hanges asks me suddenly, "They know you have important information locked in that mind of your's. Why wouldn't they kill you just to be safe?"

I mean, the only reason I'm still alive is because Laurie has used a lot of resources on me and he needs me alive. But I can't tell Hange that, no one knows about what is really going on with me, except for Peter of course.

"At the end of the day most of the MPs go along with whatever Laurie says. He does have a lot of influence after all. Laurie wants me alive, so unless something goes down in his inner circle, they are going to avoid killing his favourite pet." I try to say it sincerely, but I can tell she doesn't fully believe me.

"I see," She offers me a small smile, "Well anyway, Levi is definitely going to scold you for leaving the hospital, but don't worry he'll be happy to see you."

"Oh don't worry about me, I speak fluent Levi, I can handle it. What else have you guys been up to? I want to be caught up, that's the main reason I'm here." I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Well, Christa has been a bit more candid about her past, her real name is Historia Reiss."

I remember calling her Historia in that dream I had when I mentioned her to Frieda Reiss. So that's why she reacted that way, Historia is her sister, and clearly no one outside of the family was supposed to know that.

"Love child?" I inquire. It's obvious, if she were legitimate she would have grown up with her father.

"Yeah, grew up on a farm with her mother and her mother's parents under Lord Reiss' control. After Wall Maria fell, Rod Reiss came for Historia. A group of men surrounded them as well as her mother. Her mother was killed, but Reiss saved Historia by making her renounce her title and assume another identity, Christa Lenz."

"Who were the men?"

"She doesn't know," Hange raises her eye brows and studies me carefully, "Did that bring up anything for you? Did Reiss ever rent you?"

He did request me, yes, but I don't remember anything really significant. I feel like I do know something.. But as usual, I'm missing an important piece of the puzzle that could put it all together. Who would want to get rid of members of the Reiss family? No one comes to mind immediately..

"Yeah, he did request me periodically. But I don't remember much of what happened. I remember I spoke to his daughter Frieda once and mentioned Historia's name, but I don't remember how I learned that information or how much I knew." I try to explain to her.

I can tell she wants to pry more, but I think she knows if I knew anymore I would tell her, "You can try talking to her about it," Hange suggests, "Maybe you'll catch onto something no one else has."

"Okay." I respond, it was more of an automatic reply as I was getting lost in thought, trying to dig through what little I did have to see if I could figure out anything. I even kind of hoped I would double over in pain, at least then I would get a hint as to if I am on the right track. But nothing...

We continue in silence for a for a few more minutes down the trail until we reach a small cottage. As we were riding up I see another small group of scouts riding up from the opposite direction. They must have decided to split up before coming here. Smart, best thing to do of you think you're being followed.

We tie up our horses and get ready to head inside, but I pause before following Hange to the front door. I know Levi is going to be angry with me... It's funny, I'm not afraid of anyone in the underground or above ground for that matter. The big scary men that would love nothing more than to send my severed head to my father, or the men hiding in the shadows in the capital, waiting to pounce on me. But the look Levi gives me when he is angry, or if Erwin looks at me sternly.. I want to run as far as I can in the other direction.

"Come on," Hange laughs as she grabs my arm, "I'll take the kids out so you 2 can have some alone time later." She winks at me.

My face flushes, causing Hange to laugh even harder before she pushes me through the front door.

"(Y/n)!" I can hear their voices as soon as I walk through the door, I see faces around the large table in the room light up. I was even surprised to see that Mikasa seemed to be happy to see me too, definitely not expecting that. They looked like they were about to get up and greet me, but one look at Levi and they stayed in their seats.

"No, there is no way that is (y/n)," Levi growls from the head of the table and glares at me, "She would never be so stupid as to leave the hospital early when she is recovering from some pretty severe head trauma. She wouldn't wander around in an unfamiliar area to blindly look for us. No, she would never do something so foolish."

"Hahaha," I laugh nervously, "Well guess who's wrong!" I try to maintain my distance from him as he stands up from his chair.

"... Thompson was mistaken, you must have permanent brain damage." Levi says as he stands from his seat.

"Only a little." I smile.

"You have to be the most infuriating human being I have ever met." He stomps over to me.

"Yeah, but I'm cute though." I smile sweetly.

Not giving me any warning he lifts me up off my feet and carries me down the hallway, "I'll be right back." He mumbles to the others around the room.

"No!" I protest, "I want to know what's going on!"

"No," He said firmly, "You're going to lay down."

He pries my hands off the threshold as I desperately try to keep myself in the room. He brings me into a bedroom and lays me gently on the bed, "I want to hear what's going on." I pout.

"I'm sure Hange filled you in on your way here, who let you out by the way?" He asks as he sits on the bed beside me.

I gesture for him to come closer, he glares at me suspiciously but leans in anyway, "I'm a grown ass woman... I can do whatever I want." I whisper to him then smile at him smugly.

"Just stay in here for now, okay? Rest a little, put my mind at ease for a bit." He sighs.

I was about to protest, but in the end I couldn't bring myself to do it. He looked so tired and frustrated at the moment, maybe it's best just to do what he says for now.

"Fine." I sigh heavily, "But you owe me gossip."

"I'll give you more than gossip." He smirks as he kisses my forehead and watches my face go red.

Levi leaves the room and closes the door behind him. But I'm not just going to lay in bed and do nothing. I'm going to be a brat and just sit by the door and eavesdrop.

They didn't talk about anything I haven't already heard from Hange. Hange is just explaining what happened to Pastor Nick and asking about Eren possibly learning how to plug the hole in Wall Maria.

I half listen to what they are saying at this point, my mind keeps travelling back to what happened to Historia. Who would want to get rid of children attached to Rod Reiss?

Gangs from the underground perhaps..? No, that doesn't really make much sense to me, he doesn't really have any ties to the underground that I can recall.

So who? And why? Damnit, I feel like the answer is right in front of me and I still can't grab it. I have to know something, I did seem to know who Historia was in that dream I had..

As I'm sitting with my back to the door I absentmindedly look out the window that is across from me. We are in a pretty isolated area, so I don't expect to see anyone just run past the window out of nowhere... So it makes me jump to my feet when I see a figure speed past my line of site outside the window.

I rush over to the window to see if I could identify the person. Lucky for me I got to the window before they disappeared into the trees. It was a woman, and I recognized the dress she was wearing, as well as the short brown hair flying behind her as she ran. Celeste? What is she doing all the way out here?

I open the window and sneak out of it, she looks like she is running away from something. I don't want to yell after her, if she is being pursued by someone I don't want to alert them to her whereabouts.

So I quickly head in the direction I saw her running in, keeping my eye out for her pursuer. As I'm making my way carefully through the bushes and low hanging branches, I start to hear voices.

I follow the sound quietly and keep low to the ground, "Were you followed?" I hear a stern name voice say.

"I don't think so." Celeste responds, breathing heavily from running. She also appears to be sniffling...

"You ran pretty far, I'm impressed. How far do you think you can run from her when she finds out?" I can practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"Probably not far." She mumbles.

"Well, get on. I'll take you to the place you and Pearson discussed."

"Yes, thank you... Is he there?"

"Yes."

I could hear Celeste let out a sigh of relief, "Good."

"What is that sad look for, Clio?" The man laughs, "You only traded one life for another. Don't worry so much about it."

I peek from behind the bushes I was hiding behind. I saw Celeste hop onto the horse that the man was riding, and they sped off through the trees.

What the hell was that? Who is Celeste hiding from? 'Life for a life', what did he mean? Something to do with Laurie? It has to be, right? Maybe I'll alert Ben so he can keep an eye out, or maybe he already knows something..

More seriously, did the person on the horse see the house Levi's squad is held up in? I hope not, he wasn't wearing a uniform so I don't think he's an MP... But who knows what that whole exchange was about. My stomach drops the more I think about it, I hope she is okay and not in any trouble.

I sit behind the bush for a little longer trying to figure out all the weird things that are going on. Celeste running all the way out here for some odd reason, the MPs targeting Pastor Nick, Historia and her complicated story...

I look up and notice the light is going to start to fade in a little bit. I should probably head back to the house before they realize I'm gone.

As I'm walking back through the trees, I pass by a large body of water I didn't notice when I was running out here... No, don't do it, (y/n). You've already pissed Levi off enough, don't waste time swimming in the lake... Even though it would be very refreshing, especially after being in the underground... Fuck it. I'm already in trouble with him, what's one more activity to add to the list that will piss him off? And it's been so long since I have been able to go for a swim, I learned how to swim from one of Laurie's customers who lived by a small body of water and he wanted to cheer me up. He was a nice man.

I eagerly remove my clothes, leaving on my bra and underwear and excitedly make my way into the cool water.

**Levi's POV**

"What is going on with you, shitty glasses?" I ask her irritably, "You've never been someone to just roll over and give up trying. That's one of the reasons I find you so unbearable at times, your optimism. But now you feel guilty about what happened to Nick, and can only be negative and a complete defeatist. You're useless like this."

Her attitude is pissing me off, yeah her overexcited nature pisses me off too. However, this side of her is far more frustrating to deal with.

"You said yourself that it appeared all his fingernails were ripped off," I continue, "So it's quite clear he didn't talk, if he were going to talk he would have given up after the first one. So as of right now whoever is after us, whether it be the MPs or another party, they probably don't know about our location yet."

When I met Pastor Nick I thought he was just some crazy idiot with a weird religion. But whether people around him thought his beliefs were ludicrous or not he stuck to them in the end. I can't fault him for that.

"Come on, four eyes, it's not like you to give up so easily."

"No," She responded, "You're right."

"Right now we need to focus on keeping Eren and Historia out of site. We still don't know what group exactly is after the 2 of them. We can't rule anyone out, it's also possible that the culprit could be someone in the scouts, don't forget that fact."

"Got it," Hange agreed and started to stand, "If you're done torturing the cadets with cleaning duty, I would like some help trying to scout out a suitable experimentation location for Eren." She motions for everyone around the table to stand.

"Isn't it getting late?" I note as I narrow my eyes at her.

"No, this is a good a time as any," She smiles as she walks closer to me, "I'll have them scout the perimeter too, that will give you some time. Don't be too rough with her, she's still recovering." Hange winks at me and waves for the cadets to follow her out the door. The cadets protested at first because they wanted to see (y/n), but they reluctantly followed Hange out, "Don't worry, kids! You can play with (y/n) later!"

Usually I resist going along with Hange's schemes, but this one I can get behind. I've been waiting to finally get her alone, now I have her and I'm going to take full advantage of that.

I get up from my seat and eagerly make my way toward the bedroom I left (y/n) in. I knock quietly on it, "(y/n), are you still up?" Our meeting did go pretty long, and it is starting to get dark. She may have fallen asleep.

When I don't hear a response I open the door slowly. I look into the room at the bed and I don't see her there. I push the door open further but I don't see her anywhere.

Although, there is a window right across from the door... And it is open... Further aggravated. What the hell am I going to do with her? How many times have I even fucking asked myself that?

I push the window open a little more so I can fit through. I try to look for signs of where she could have gone. She had to have gone out back, if she ran out front or to the sides one of us would have seen here going past the windows, right?

I head out toward the back of the house and into the tree line. I can't risk yelling for her, I don't want to alert anyone that may be searching for us. I see some broken and disturbed branches and shrubs, could she have gone through there? Was she chasing someone? If she were just exploring I feel she would have done so around the property, or at least took a marked trail.

Pushing my way through the branches and shrubs, trying to follow the path of disturbed broken branches. I finally come across a large body of water. This must be the place some of the cadets found and have been going to.

I'm about to continue to walk past it but I stop when I see clothes on the shore. I look out over the water and see a figure swimming around in it. Don't tell men.. I stare down at the clothes again and notice how familiar they look.

"(L/N)!" I call out to her, "What the fuck are you doing?!"

(Y/n) stops floating around and looks over at me, "... My taxes, obviously! What does it look like?!"

"Don't start with me! Get over here!" I'm beyond pissed at her now. She needs to look after herself more. She better not test me more, I will lock her up where no one will find her.

"Why don't you join me?" She swims a little closer, "The water really feels great."

"No."

"What's wrong?" She giggles, "Can't swim?"

"I grew up in the underground," I roll my eyes at her, "What the fuck do you think?"

"Fair enough." She smiles and swims closer to the shore. As she gets closer I feel my throat go dry. She's only wearing her bra and underwear, and the way the water drips off her body is mesmerizing. Damnit, she can always do this, making my anger subside when I'm about to lecture her.

"Are you okay, Levi?" She teases me as she saunters closer to me, "Did you have something.. you wanted to say?"

"I came looking for you after the meeting concluded, noticed an empty room and an open window. Did the math."

"Sorry," She squeezed some water out of her (h/l) (h/c) hair, "I saw someone running past the window... and I wanted to see who it was. Didn’t you guys see her?.. She ran up the side.”

"Why the hell wouldn't you come and get one of us?"

"I didn't want to lose site of her, it was my friend, Celeste."

"What is she doing out here?"

"I don't know," She shrugged, "Which is why I followed her. But she didn't get too far... when she ran into someone else and rode off on a horse."

"Who?"

"Again, I don't know. I didn't get a good look at him... But he wasn’t wearing a uniform... and he didn't appear to be... interested in the location though if that's... what you're worried about."

"Of course I'm worried about that, (y/n). We chose this location precisely because it is isolated and no one has a reason to be out here! And you're telling me that there were a couple people out here for no good reason?"

"I wouldn't worry too much," She replied, "Sometimes if we were going to be with a more... violent and unpredictable customer... Laurie would send... a guard to wait nearby just in case... probably because of what happened to me." She finishes with an uneasy laugh.

Wait, what is that supposed to mean? What happened to her? I avoid trying to ask her about the scars that are scattered over her body, I don't like to make her uncomfortable. Maybe I should be asking her more questions about that.

She seems to freeze when she realizes what she said, "Sorry, I'm just saying I don't think... they were here because of you guys."

"Yeah? What rich idiot from the capital do you know lives all the way out here?" I challenge her again.

"You shouldn't make fun of the girl... who can't remember all of her past.” She scolds me playfully.

"Or speak properly," I remind her, "I would feel more sympathy for you if you actively tried to stay on the straight and narrow instead of trying to delve into aforementioned past."

"Be easy on me, Levi," She says dramatically, "I'm not well."

"Have you ever been well?"

"No, not really," She laughs, "So what were you coming to get me for?" She asks as, to my disappointment, she starts pulling her pants on. 

"We concluded our meeting and Hange cleared everyone out. So I went to find you."

"Oh," She turns around without buttoning up her shirt, still giving me a nice view of her breasts that were still, annoyingly, hidden by her bra, "Tell me."

"I think you know." I say to her as I reach out to touch the fabric of her shirt and pull her closer to me.

"I may have a few ideas." She cooed, sliding her hands up my arms as she gets closer.

I bring my other hand to her face and caress her cheek. At this point I would pull her into a kiss already, but with her face this close I just want to memorize every detail of it.

Her wet hair is slicked back so I can have an unobscured view of her beautiful face. Her face is slightly flushed as I continue to stare at her, and her piercing (e/c) eyes stare back into mine. She tilts her head slightly, she does this when she is listening intently, deep in thought or curious about something. Her plump pink lips are slightly parted as she waits to see what I'm going to do.

"You're something else," I mumble to her, "You know that?"

"Yeah, I'm an irksome brat." She smiled.

"Correct." I pull her closer to me and watch as her face goes an even darker shade of red.

I move my hands to her waist and she slides her hands up my shoulders to rest on either side of my face. I knew what she wanted, question is am I going to give into her so easily yet again? Maybe it's time she understands the frustration and anxiety I go through when she disobeys over and over again.

🍋 **Author's POV** 🍋

Levi finally pulls you into a kiss, you hum happily as the kiss starts out tender and sweet, but quickly turns more heated.

His cold hands on your waist start sliding up your sides. The cold of his hands and his light touch sends familiar shivers throughout your body.

One of Levi's hands rests on your back to keep you close, as the other one grabs roughly at your breast through your bra.

His sudden rough treatment made you gasp, giving Levi the opportunity to dominate the kiss. His tongue fights with you's as you willingly allow him to take control.

You remove your hands from his face and bring them to the top of his shirt to unbutton it. But before you can, Levi stops you, "Not here."

"Levi!" You squeal as he picks you up and rests you on his shoulder, "Quiet brat." He smirks as he gives your ass a hard slap.

His dominate side is taking over and you were excited for it. Sure, you like taking the lead sometimes. But you also enjoy being completely dominated by Levi.

But Levi had a little something different on his mind. You've pissed him off to a point he didn't think he could reach. He was going to make you feel what he feels when you refuse to obey orders, keep yourself safe and the fact that you have complete disregard for your life.

Levi brings you back to the empty house and into the bedroom be brought you in earlier, "Ready for your punishment, cadet?" He asks you as he sets you down and closes the door behind him.

"Yes sir." You reply eagerly.

"Good," Levi gives you a small grin, "Clothes off."

You quickly disrobe and kick your clothes to the side, waiting obediently for his next instruction. He starts unbuttoning his shirt, keeping his steel gaze on you. You wanted to be the one to undress him, but you stood patiently and waited for him to approach you.

"Good girl, on the bed." He gestured with his head as he started to unbuckle the belts from his gear.

You hop on the bed quickly and sit quietly, anticipating his next move, "Hold your arms out." He demands as he takes off the belt from around his waist.

You smile sweetly up at him and stick your arms out, he grabs them and wraps his belt around them. After he binds your wrists he pushes you down until you're lying on the bed, and he attached your bound wrists to the head board of the bed.

"Not fair," You whine playfully, "I want to touch you, Levi."

"Too bad," He chuckles, "Maybe if you were a good girl who behaved herself and listened to her superiors I would be more inclined to give you what you want."

You stick your tongue out at him in response, "Lift your head up a bit." He instructs you as he grabs his cravat.

You do as he asked and he blind folds you with the cravat. You can hear and feel your heartbeat quicken, wondering what was going to happen next. Being completely helpless and at his mercy was making you feel more nervous and uncertain.

You can feel Levi climb on top of you. Then he stops moving and you can feel his icy stare run up and down your body, "Levi," You wiggle a little uncomfortably, "Stop staring at me."

"Never." He grunts and lowers himself down to kiss you.

The kiss was passionate and you wished he would pity you enough to release your hands so they could roam his body. But this is supposed to be a punishment, he wasn't going to let you off that easily this time.

You breathed heavily as he released your lips and continues to kiss down your neck.

"You're infuriating," He growls as he sucks and nips at your neck, "Why can't you just do what you're told? Not just in the field, but off the field as well. I just want what's best for you, and to keep you safe. Is that so wrong?”

"Because that's not me." You gasped as one of his hands travels closer to your core.

You didn't have to look at him to know he was glaring at you. He was not pleased with your answer, but that wouldn't change it.

Levi groaned when he felt how wet you were for him, this is going to be more difficult than he had anticipated. But he had a point to prove and he wasn't going to give up on that."

His lips travelled down to your breasts with one of his hands, while the other hand teases your sensitive folds, "So wet already, huh?" He smirks against your flesh, "How badly do you want me (y/n)?"

You tried moving your hips against his fingers more but he put more weight on your hips to stop you from moving, "Levi," You groaned, "Please, I want you so bad."

Levi could feel his pants grow tighter when he heard his name roll out of your mouth in such a desperate tone. He decides to give you some relief and started pumping his finger slowly into you.

"Hmmm, yes.. ahh Levi." You moaned and threw your head back into the pillows as he pumped into you.

When he finishes playing with your breasts, his lips continue their journey to your abdomen. Levi pauses over your belly button and surprises you when he swirls his tongue around and into it.

"Mmmmm-" Was all you could mutter as his talented tongue travelled even further to kiss and suck around your hip bones. Levi is still pistoning his finger in and out of you. He adds another finger to your delight making you moan even louder for him.

He was glad you were still blind folded and couldn't see how much your moans were effecting him. But he was growing impatient himself; he needed to taste you.

You groan in protest when he removes his fingers, growing frustrated from not knowing what is going on or what is going to happen next.

He watched you squirm on the bed, annoyed that the coil that was building in your core was starting to disappear the longer he left you there.

You feel Levi's hands on you again, and you let out a little sigh of relief. He knows this is supposed to be a punishment, but he is starting to find this more and more difficult to not give in.

You gasp as you feel Levi's tongue swirl around your clitoris, making you shudder as the intense sensations of pleasure could be felt throughout your whole body, "You taste as sweet as ever." Levi comments as he spreads you apart a little more to delve his tongue further into you.

You couldn't keep yourself from squirming as you had a hard time trying to stem the flow of continues moans that escaped your lips. Levi put his hand on your hips to keep you still, "I wish you could see yourself and how fucking sexy you look. Are you close?" He asks you as his hungry eyes watch you squirm.

"Yes, god yes-" You breathed heavily as he continued. You were so close, you felt your limbs start to twitch and shake. But just as you felt your coil begin to snap, Levi stops.

"Levi!" You groan in frustration, "What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer you. He gets up off the bed and finally slides out of his pants. He has to remind himself to hold back from ramming himself into you, he has other plans first.

You pull on your restraints, but it is no use, you're left at Levi's mercy. He climbs over top of you again and starts attacking your neck again.

"Please, Levi," You groaned as you try pulling on your restraints again, hoping he would release you. But no such luck.

"No. I'm not done with you." Levi murmured, letting his hand reach down to your pelvis again and pushes 2 fingers in.

"Oooh, mmmm-" You panted as you tried thrusting your hips to encourage him to go faster, but he keeps his pace painfully slow.

"Do you want to cum, (y/n)?" He asks as he bites at your earlobe.

"Yes... please."

"Too bad."

He removes his fingers again when you are nearing your end, "Levi!" You yelled this time, the teasing wasn't fun anymore, it was starting to make you mad. 

"Do you know what I want?" He asks you as he plays with your clit again, "I want to go a day where I don't have to worry about what you're doing, or go crazy thinking you're dead in the underground somewhere."

You could feel anger build in you as he removes his fingers again when you were, once again, so close to your climax.

"I want you to talk to me, instead of brushing me off when I get too close." His hands move to grope at your breasts, "I want you to care about what happens to you.”

Despite being pissed off at him you couldn't stop the moaning that escaped your lips as the movements of his hands, and fingers send delicious shivers up your spine.

"I want you to stop acting like a fucking idiot," He growled as his mouth moves closer to your core once again, "Do you understand me?"

"Yes." You groan, desperate for release.

Levi kisses your inner thighs to your aching pussy, and swirls his tongue about expertly again.

"Levi... yes.. please.. ah-"

Again, you were so close, you throw your head back as far as the pillows would allow and you gasp as your coil begins to snap. But, again, Levi denies you release and smirks at your reaction.

"Is it frustrating, (y/n)? Can't imagine how that feels."

He brings his throbbing cock closer to your core to kick up the teasing a little more. You moaned loudly when you felt his large member pressing against your entrance. Levi has to grit his teeth as he holds himself back from slamming into you.

You let out another frustrated groan when he pulls away again, and toys with you until he sees that you're close. Then he denies you again.

Your whole body was flushing red with anger as Levi toyed with you. He did it a couple more times before you finally had enough.

"Untie me, Levi." You said in a stern voice that he has never heard from you before, making it clear that whatever game he was playing with you, you were not going to play along anymore.

"Oh I'm not done with you." Levi replied.

"Yes you are," You growled, "Untie me, now."

He notes the seriousness in your voice and realizes he may have taken things too far. He releases your arms from the post on the head board and took it off your wrists. You sit up, take the blind fold off and without thinking, slapped him hard across the face.

Levi was stunned, he touched his cheek where the fresh sting of your slap lingered. You push yourself off the bed and reach for your clothes, but Levi grabs onto your arm gently, "Wait," He said quietly, feeling the weight of his actions and how much it has upset you, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that to that extent."

"You think?" You roll your eyes and shrug off his hand, "Where's Hange? I need her to get me back."

"Wait," He said again, "Just let me say what I need to."

"No thanks, I've heard enough, and I'm not apologizing...for going against what you want when it is not...work related. What I choose to do when I am not out in the field has nothing.. to do with you or the scouts." You try to push him as he stood up, but he blocks you, "If you still want to leave after I say what I need to, I won't stop you. I know you feel I don't deserve the chance to explain my actions to you, but I hope you will."

Part of you wanted to just ignore him and leave like you originally planned. But at the same time, you also wanted to hear him out. This isn't like him and it's confusing you, you want to try and understand why he insisted on doing this.

"Fine," Once you agree to hear him out he let's go of you and gives you come space, "Speak."

"I'm sorry, (y/n), I just lost myself there and got carried away. Originally I just wanted to tease you a little,it’s the frustration I feel when it comes to you got the better of me. I wanted to make you feel frustrated and angry to the point of insanity so you would understand. I didn't know it would hurt you like this."

"So that's how you deal with this?" You interrupt him, "Just... 'pay me back' instead of... talking to me about it?"

"I can't talk to you, (y/n), because you won't let me! You keep everything bottled up and don't tell me a damn thing!"

"Why would I burden you with things I don't... need to burden you with, Levi?!" You throw your hands up in frustration, "That's not what our relationship is... of course I'm not going to pile more... on your plate. You have far more important things to.. deal with!" 

"I want to know more about you. I want to know everything about you, but you don't give me an inch. I've never wanted to get to know anyone on a more intimate level, only you."

"That's who I am, Levi... I'll never let anyone change me."

"What are you talking about? I'm not trying to change you, I just want to know you! I want to know everything! What you love, what you hate, what you like to do, what your childhood was liked, Everything!"

You were taken aback by that. You never thought Levi would be interested in that, he's so cold to everybody and never shows any interest in anyone's personal life. The last thing you thought was he wanted to know more about you, he has never indicated that.

"You can't change who I am, Levi," I sigh, "I'm not a warm.. and fuzzy person.. who talks about their feelings."

"What was your relationship with Malcolm like then?" He asks out of nowhere.

"No, you don't get to bring him up to me." You protest.

"See?! Another thing you refuse to talk about! He was your husband! What was he like? What was your relationship like? How did he make you feel?"

"I don't like talking about him." You insisted.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know who I was when I was married to him!" You blurt out.

"What do you mean?"

"I loved him, I did," You started, "He helped save me and I can never... repay him for that... But when I was with him, he changed me, in a way where I didn't even realize it... All of a sudden I was someone who put on a... stupid white dress and walked down an isle... and accepted the role of 'bride'... The thought of that happening to me made me laugh in the past... I insisted it would never be me... because I wasn't meant for that kind of life... But I did for him. Then I was just some girl who... stayed home and waited for her husband to come home... I accepted my roles and even thought of adopting kids.. since I can’t have my own... I turned into the person I told my mother I would... never be, that I would never let a man have me... sacrifice parts of myself to appease him... But that wasn't me.."

It was hard for you to talk about it, because you don't want to feel like you're blaming Malcolm for your change in personality. He encouraged it, but you once again assumed a different role and lost track of who you really were. You didn't want to settle down and have kids, you wanted to fight for people who couldn't fight for themselves. That's what you really want, to make people listen to you and make the people who have wronged so many others pay.

"I turned into someone I never thought I would be... someone I never wanted to be.. But I changed myself for him, and I hate... that I did that. I hate that sometimes I blame him for that... when all he ever really wanted was the best for me, and to... keep me safe."

You pause to catch your breath and sit on the bed again, "And now that I finally feel like I'm me again... I will never change myself for anyone ever again.. That includes for you, Levi and Erwin for that matter.. I'm not someone you can order around... and control when we are not out in the field... If this isn't the person you want, then tell me... because I'm not going to change."

You feel a twinge of sadness at the thought of never being intimate with Levi again. You like him a lot, but you're not losing track of your goal again. And if he is not okay with that, then he has to go.

"I want to know more about you too," you admit to Levi, surprising him a bit, "I like you, Levi... a lot more than I will ever admit to you." You say with a small smile.

"I want you," He stares into your eyes with burning intensity, "No matter what the circumstances are, I want to be there with you. Even if it means sharing you with eyebrows, because it is better than not having you at all."

You can feel the anger start to leave your body, and you become incredibly aware that you are both still naked. You bite your lower lip as you look at Levi up and down, you feel you'll never get tired of seeing him without any clothes on.

Levi notices the way you're looking at him and the way you're biting your lip. He feels his heart beat faster as he aches to touch you again, but he feels it isn't his place to make the first move in this situation.

You see his hesitation, proving that he does feel sorry for teasing your body the way he did, to the point where it was actually painful. Your anger subsided and you push him down so his head is lying on the pillows now.

Levi pulls you down with him and pulls your face down to his. The kiss doesn't last long though, you've been teased enough and you wanted the release that has been dangling in front of your face for too long.

Levi watches you with hooded eyes as you lower yourself on his large cock. He inhales sharply and lets out a loud groan as your walls tightly squeeze around him.

You leaned back slightly and let your hands rest on his thighs to stabilize yourself. You give Levi a very nice view of everything as you throw your head back and start thrusting your hips.

"Mmmm, so deep," You moaned as you rocked your hips slowly, feeling him hit you deep, "Feels so good."

Levi helps by thrusting up into you as your hips met his, "Fuck, I needed this." Levi grunts as he leans up to cup your bouncing breasts.

"You could have had it a lot sooner.. if you didn't want to... teach me a lesson, sir." You comment playfully.

"Shut up." He chuckles as he leans forward and pushes you onto your back. He takes your legs and places them on his shoulders as he thrusts more roughly into you.

"Ahh-" You let out as he hits your sweet spot right away at this angle.

"Damnit," Levi groans as he bites down on your shoulder, "Feels so fucking good."

Your arms wrap around his back and you dig your nails into him, spurring him on even harder. It doesn't take long for you to meet your end because of all the teasing that transpired.

"Levi, ahh-" You moan as the coil that has been built up over and over again finally breaks and you're finally able to come apart.

Your legs twitch and the muscles contract as Levi continues to thrust into you as he closes in on his own climax too. He releases your legs and wraps them around his hips instead.

Levi leans his upper body up so he can watch your reactions to the aftermath of your orgasm. He watches you pant softly as your face is still red and your head is tilted back as far as it can go, and he watches your breasts bounce as he continues pounding into you.

He finds himself thinking he will never see a more beautiful site than this, and the state he has put you in. A rare smile spreads across his face as he moves his lips to your throat, determined to leave his mark on you.

He feels the vibrations through your throat as you moan his name loudly. A few more hard thrusts and Levi moans your name as he releases into you. Your walls continue to contract around him as he rides out his orgasm.

Levi collapses on top of you making you giggle as you lightly scratch his back. He shivers a bit at your light touch and wraps his arms around you securely.

"Shouldn't we put clothes on before the others get back?" You ask him.

"Nope," He replies quietly, "I locked the door."

Levi pushes himself up and lifts you up with him as well, bringing you with him to lay on the right end of the bed, "Sleep." He says as he pulls the blankets over the 2 of you and gives you a light kiss.

He runs his fingers gently along your arms as you start to fall asleep. Holding you in his arms it just felt so comfortable and natural to him. Before you, he would never even think of ever cuddling anyone. But you are a lot of firsts for him, including the first person he could admit to himself that he was falling in love with you.


	44. Chapter 44: Confession (Lemon)

Warning: Closer to the end of the chapter there is a lemon section. If you want to skip it, don’t read the Author’s POV at the end. Cheers!

**Your POV**

Another dreamless sleep last night, typically I would be happy about that, but I actually kind of miss them in a weird way. They helped me fill in some blanks when it comes to my past... Oh well I guess, nothing I can do about it right now. I'm sure they will come back once Peter's most recent dose wears off. What will happen when it does wear off? How long will it be before that time? Will I have time for Peter to be ready to go forward with finding out the truth?

No use worrying about it right now. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, I just have to make sure my limited time is used wisely.. I think I will include the time I get with Levi and Erwin, it is essential for my sanity at this point.

Despite the little fight we had, I did enjoy my time with Levi last night. I've never really talked to anyone about Malcolm much. I think it's because I don't really want to feel the little bit of resentment I had toward him.

I didn't really notice it when we were together, and of course I don't think he meant to... But he did change me, I turned into a person I never thought I would become. It's not his fault and I still loved him regardless, but if I talk about him those feelings come back and I want to push the guilt I feel for that down.

Levi was really angry with me, although I still feel I didn't deserve that... Okay, maybe a little, but if he ever does that again I will do worse than slap him. He knew what he was getting into with me, he can't start getting angry with me when I behave elusively.

I roll over to see if Levi is still asleep, and he is. His raven hair is falling over his eyes and he is breathing softly. I raise my hand and gently brush the hair out of his face, so cute! Oh god, I have to make sure I don't say that in front of him. I don't want to know what he will do it I call him cute to his face.

I carefully release myself from his grasp and begrudgingly get out of the warm comfy bed. I walk over to my clothes and quietly slip them back on. After I'm dressed I can't help but stare down at the sleeping Levi again. I smile to myself as I slowly lean on the bed to kiss his forehead before I go.

However, it seems that Levi has other plans. I squeal in surprise when he reaches out suddenly and grabs me, pulling me down back on the bed, "Where do you think you're going?" He mumbled groggily as he pulls me against him.

"Umm getting dressed and going back... to HQ. You know, before Peter comes looking for me." I giggle as I push against his grip, but to no avail, he has me tightly.

"You're already here," He grumbled, "Stay."

"What if Hange needs you?" I appeal to him, "She may have found.. a decent spot for experimenting with Eren's titan."

"She'll deal with it on her own."

Levi starts kissing the back of my neck and I can feel his lower half stiffen as he pulls me even closer. As much as I would enjoy another round, I already feel bad enough that I took up his time and attention yesterday. Plus, I really should be getting back to HQ before Erwin or Peter sends out a search party.

"Levi!" I gasped when his hand moved to palm at my clothed covered breasts. I could feel familiar shivers go down my back as Levi continues to kiss my neck and squeeze my chest gently.

"I still feel a little guilty from last night," He said quietly as one of his hands travelled lower, "I want to make it up to you some way. Tell me what you want me to do, nothing is off limits."

He flips me onto my back and starts to undo my buttons I had just done up, "Go on," He smirks at my flushed face, "Don't be shy, what do you want me to do?"

So is this to make things up to me, or just to satiate more of his desire for me?... Why not both? No, I have to stay strong, don't give in, (y/n). You can't stay here and neither can he, we both have shit to do, we have to be adults... Fuck this is going to be difficult.

He finishes unbuttoning my shirt and starts to kiss from my neck to my chest, "Let's go, (y/n)," I feel him grin against my skin as my breathing hitches, "As you say, we don't have all day, so tell me what you want me to do."

"Okay," I moan at the feeling of his lips on the top of my breasts, "I'll tell you."

"Good girl," He hums approvingly, "I won't deny you anything, what is it?"

I'm painfully aware of his lustful steel eyes on me as I try to focus, this really is difficult, "It's just... embarrassing." I say shyly, my cheeks burning a deeper crimson.

Levi moves in closer to kiss my lips as I try to continue, "I want you to..."

"Yes?" He prompts me when I pause, eyes burning into mine.

I grab her face and hold it firmly in place in front of me, "Do your job." I said sternly.

Levi was not pleased with my request to say the least, "Oh ho,” Levi replies as he sits up so he can use his hands to tug irritably on my cheeks, "Aren't you adorable, think you're pretty funny, huh?"

"I mean, I don't shhink I'm not funny," I'm having trouble speaking properly with him pulling at my cheeks, "Sho, yeshh, I like to shiiink shhho." He tried to keep his face stern, but he gave me a small smile as he watched me struggle to speak properly.

He let go of my cheeks finally and I try to take the opportunity to get up and leave, but I'm not quick enough. Levi pulls me onto his lap into a heated kiss.

... Maybe it can be quick... I give in and wrap my arms around his neck and melt into him gently as he cups my breasts through my bra. I breathe sharply when I feel his cold hands on my bare skin again, but oh does it feel so nice.

Before we could get far though, I hear the door swing open with a bang, "Rise and shine you 2!" It was Hange, "Come on shorties! I let you play in peace last night, but I need you today, Levi!"

"Tsk," Levi glares daggers at her as she walks into the room, "Fuck off, four eyes. Can't you see what you're interrupting here?"

Hange steps closer to us and examines the compromising position we are in. Me with my shirt unbuttoned, whole body flushed red, sitting in Levi's lap and Levi's hands still on my chest. Not to mention the only thing covering Levi up was the blanket still laying across his lap.

"Well," Hange ponders, "It would appear to me that you are about to pounce on and devour this lovely innocent young lady."

"You know this, and yet you're still here." Levi grunted irritably.

"... I thought you said you locked the door last night!" I finally say to Levi after I got over the shock of Hange just walking in on us.

"I lied, it doesn't lock." Levi smirked at me.

"Why?" I reply incredulously.

"I didn't want you to put clothes back on." He admitted.

"... Honey badger!" I shout as I punch him playfully on the chest.

"Seriously though," Hange giggled, "I really do need him today, and you, (y/n), need to get back to HQ."

"On it," I sigh as I get up, dreading the lecture that is inevitably coming my way from Peter, "Which is the most direct way back?"

"Just wait here, Moblit should be here soon and he'll make sure you get back safely." Hange reassures me.

"Did you find a decent place for Eren to practice?" I ask her as I button up my shirt once again.

"I think so," She nods, "There is a decent place in the mountains that will work nicely."

"What are you going to do about the large amounts of steam.. Eren's titan body emits when he gets released? Isn't that alone.. going to attract some attention?" I ask her.

"There really isn't a way around that," She answered, "We just have to be as far out as we can and hope no one sees it, and asks questions."

True, I guess it really can't be helped. I would love to stay and watch them do some experiments,it Hange is correct, it's best if I head back for now.

"Out out out!" Hange shoos me as she pushes me out of the room, "We must leave Levi to get dressed." Hange smiles over her shoulder at a very pissed off looking Levi.

She closed the door behind us and walked with me into the kitchen. I was happy to see there was no one else there so far. I'm not exactly keen on the idea of explaining where I slept last night to Eren and the others.

Hange looks at my nervous face and puts her hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry, I slept on the couch and said I offered you my bed. They should be back soon, they were just doing a quick scout of the perimeter."

That's a relief, I guess Hange, like Levi, has her own room on the main floor and the cadets sleep upstairs, "So, how are you feeling today?" Hange asks me, looking me over carefully.

"I feel well," I give her a reassuring smile, "Don't worry about me, go about your business.. I'll wait for Moblit, I promise."

I hear a door open and close roughy which makes me have to stifle a giggle. Poor Levi, Hange is in for a miserable day with him. Being interrupted is definitely going to put him in a mood, made worse by the fact he has to spend the day with the person who interrupted us.

"Let's go." He mumbled to Hange as he pauses to kiss my forehead on his way out.

"Alright, I'll see you later!" She waves at me and walks out of the house with Levi. Unsure of what to do while I wait, I just stare absently out the window as I wait for Moblit, thinking a lot about last night. 

I think I kind of get where Levi is coming from, I know I'm frustrating to deal with. But that's just the way it is, I hope he really does accept that. I'm not intentionally trying to hurt anyone. I'm just trying to keep myself protected. Opening up to people isn't something I like to do, but I did open up a little bit to Levi and let him in a little. That actually scares me a bit; the last thing I want is to catch deeper feelings for Levi and Erwin.

Is it possible to love 2 people at the same time? Ugh, (y/n), don't throw words like 'love' around. That word has always carried a lot of weight for me and it's not a word I take lightly.

I don't know if I would be able to handle another loss right now. When people close to me die I feel another part of me is being chipped away. I lost a piece when Mac died, and after that loss even more was taken away from the time I spent with Laurie afterward. After I returned to Laurie, I just felt like a shell of my former self, like there was nothing of me left until Peter took me away. When that happened I felt like I could heal, like I could be the person I once was. Now with my mother is dead, I just can't help but wonder how much longer will I last until I am not myself anymore? I can't fall in love with Erwin and Levi, I just can't. If something were to happen to either of them I don't know if I could come back from that.

I guess having these thoughts is already proof of how I actually feel toward them. But nope, I'm going to continue to deny deny deny. It's just sex, don't look too much into it.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear the front door open, "Ah, (y/n)," It was Armin who came walking in first, "I'm so glad to see you're well."

"You too," I smile at his blushing face, and then the others walked in behind him, Eren, Mikasa, Historia, Jean, Connie and of course my old roomy Sasha, "I'm glad to see you're all doing well."

"Yeah, I haven't seen you awake since we were kidnapped together." Eren gave me a small smile as he set down what appeared to be some fire wood.

I was bombarded with questions right away, I didn't even know what to answer first. Jean pulled me into a tight hug before Eren pushed him off. They looked like they have been at each other's throats for awhile. I get between them and try to ease the tension a bit.

They told me what they had been up to and how they missed me being around. Historia participated a little, but I can tell she seems pretty depressed. Makes sense, she was close to Ymir after all, she must be pretty upset at her departure.

"So how have the rest of you been adjusting to life under Captain Levi?" I ask them, I know Eren is used to the clean freak, but the others were in different squads when they first came here, and now they have to adjust to Levi and his crazy standards.

A hush falls upon the room as they glance around nervously to make sure Levi wasn't in the room, "It's complete insanity!" Sasha whines.

"Don't let me get in the way of your routine," I laughed and went to stand in the kitchen, "What do you need me to do?"

With some coaxing they do decide to agree to put me the work. Historia, Mikasa, Connie, Eren and I worked in the kitchen at peeling potatoes and, of course, protecting those potatoes from the apex predator of all food, Sasha.

"Do you remember all of what happened when we were outside the walls?" Eren asked me.

"Yeah, most of it I think, don't you?"

"Things are still pretty fuzzy, I don't remember a lot of what happened. I do remember you were pretty level headed back there, and still found the time to crack jokes." Eren laughed a little.

"I was also pretty drunk at the time," I remind him, "Also, I feel like I have.. been through enough to be level headed in.. most situations. I mean, with all the things.. that have been going on and shit, I just kind of accept it.. and I think to myself, 'huh, titans are.. turning out to be humans.. and I am about to be kidnapped by a couple of them.. who I actually know.. Whatever, I guess this may as well happen.'"

He laughs again and we continue in silence for a bit longer. Maybe I can try try to probe into his memories of his father a bit, I just have to be careful not to rouse his suspicion.

"Do you really think you'll be able to harden your titan body?" I pry.

"I don't know," He answers honestly, "The female titan and the armoured titan were able to, so I guess it's a definite possibility."

"Yeah I don't really understand any of it," Connie chimes in, "From the meeting we had last night all I gathered was we have to experiment as discreetly as possible, and get rid of anyone who gets in our way."

"It's going to get harder, Connie. You should figure things out faster, or we can get Armin to explain things to you again." Mikasa commented.

"I guess," Connie sighed as he finished peeling another potato, "Most importantly for me though, I need to get to the beast titan."

'Beast titan', is he referring to the 'monkey' titan Ymir mentioned? I completely forgot about that, wish I would have seen it..

"It was that thing that turned my entire village into titans, right?" Connie continues, getting noticeably more irritable as he grabs another potato to peel.

"Yeah, that's how it appears anyway." Eren nods.

Oh yeah, I forgot Connie was from Ragako village. Hange filled me in while I was recovering in the hospital. A beast titan that can turn people into titans.. How interesting.

"Ymir knew this whole time too, huh?" Connie hissed, "She dismissed me when I said that I heard one of them speak. Made me feel like an idiot when she knew I was not wrong. How can someone be that hateful?"

"That's not true, Connie," I hear Historia speak up for the first time, "In her own way she was just trying to protect you from the truth. She didn't want to cause you more pain."

"Come off it, Historia," Connie rolled his eyes, "Ymir wouldn't do something like that, she is far too selfish to care about my feelings."

"I know her, Connie." Historia replied firmly.

There was silence again after that. I understand Connie must be very upset by what happened at his village, especially knowing his mother is still a titan. But I have to agree with Historia, I don't think Ymir is a cruel person. Afterall, she did seem to be worried about me when I sat with her in the Mess Hall when she was by herself. She does have a heart sometimes, "For the record, I agree with Historia, Connie... I really don't think Ymir would do that to you, she was... trying to spare your feelings.. I'm sorry about what happened, Connie. I wish things... were different for you."

Connie doesn't answer me, but I can tell he doesn't really believe me. So I decide it's probably best to leave him alone after that.

"So I heard you guys found a location in the mountains," I say in an effort to change the subject, ".. where you can practice hardening right?"

"Yeah, there are some gaps that I can practice trying to seal."

"So I guess the ultimate goal is to get to Shiganshina, right?" I press, "Do you really think there are some important secrets in your father's basement?"

"There has to be," Eren insists, "Why would he keep it locked if there wasn't anything to hide?" He looks down at the key tied around his neck. He always wears that thing, I've never seen him take it off.

"Where was your father from?" I try to ask discreetly, under the guise of mundane chit chat, "He was a physician, yes? I figured.. you guys would have at least lived behind Wall Rose."

"He never wanted to be too far from the outside," Eren says quietly, "He didn't like going to the inner districts. I never really understood why.."

Eren trails off a bit, lost in thought. Why would he want to remain as close as possible to the outside? If he came from beyond the walls wouldn't he want to be as far away from the threat as possible... He would understand more than anyone what dangers lie beyond our world here... So why? What did he know? Was he waiting for something perhaps? If that's true, what would he be waiting for? Something beyond the walls..?

I drop the knife I was holding to peel potatoes and collapse onto the floor. The unbearable shocks of pain made my muscles contract and seize up as I twitch helplessly on the floor.

"Shit, (y/n), what the hell happened?" Connie yelled in surprise as the 4 of them kneeled beside me, unsure of what to do. Historia tries to touch me but as soon as she does, the pain increases and I screech in pain.

They don't try to touch me after that, just watched me. I wish I could tell them I would be fine, to not worry, but I can't speak.

Eventually the pain stops and I'm left breathing heavily and dripping with sweat. The others didn’t know what to expect, just watched me cautiously as I sit myself up.

"I'm okay," I pant, "Nothing to worry about."

"Right," Mikasa scoffed, "Because collapsing on the ground and writhing in pain is totally normal."

"It is for me." I mumble and slowly pick myself up off the floor.

"That happened when we were with Reiner, Bertolt and Ymir," Eren notes thoughtfully, "So when are you going to explain what Reiner was talking about?"

"What do you mean?" I rebut stiffly.

"Reiner mentioned you were not well and was going to take you somewhere to help you. And there was a time you had an attack like that when we were beyond the walls.."

I can't tell him it's triggered by memories I have forgotten. What if he connects the dots and realizes I know something about his father? I can't risk that, I don't know what exactly I know, but I can't get anyone else involved until I know for sure.

"My mother's disease," I lie, "Sometimes I have random fits of pain... My mother went through the same. I've been aware for a little while.. that I did seem to be experiencing.. some symptoms, but I didn't know for sure.. at the time."

"So I guess that confirms then, huh?" Eren said sadly, "You do have what your mother had."

"Yes." It wasn't a complete lie, I am similar to my mother, but mine is worse and more fast acting.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Historia asked, staring at me with her sad blue eyes, "That knowledge must be driving you crazy. You should talk to people about it. How were you planning on hiding the truth from people? Obviously we were going to notice sooner or later."

"Well, the answer to that is very simple, Historia," I reply to her, "You see, I'm going to keep.. letting things build more and more and then one day, I'll die... Problem solved, I take that information to the grave, and don't have to bother anyone with it."

"Reiner said there was a way he could get you help, do you think that's true?" Eren queried.

"I don't think so, Eren," I doubted, "My situation is, in a word, complicated."

"(Y/n)," Eren started, but was interrupt by the door swinging open.

"(Y/n)!" It was Moblit, "Come on, time to head back to HQ."

"Ah!" I gasp dramatically, "A gentleman caller hath come to return me to thine madhouse. Fair thee well, children! We shall meet again! Mayhap even on the morrow!"

I was thankful Moblit came when he did. I was not in the mood to delve into the issues that is my declining health. I wave gently at Eren, Mikasa, Connie and Historia as I make my way out the door and follow after Moblit.

**Erwin's POV**

(Y/n) didn't come back to the hospital last night. I'm trying not to worry, but it is very difficult. Thompson didn't seem too concerned when I spoke to him last night. I'm sure she is just avoiding returning to the hospital for as long as possible. She'll be back soon.

I have to keep a level head right now though, being in the capital always puts me on edge. But a royal summons is a royal summons and I must attend. I also took the opportunity to ask Nile to accompany me, I need to see if I can get anything out of him. We did used to be close friends in our trainee days, and I also feel obligated to give him a warning about what may be to come.

Something else has been nagging at me since Nile visited (y/n) in the hospital. I've been trying to give (y/n) her privacy and not pry, but I would be lying if I said it didn't concern me.

"So, what was the purpose of you visiting (y/n) in the hospital?" Might as well get this out of the way. Plus, since I didn't build up to the topic, catching him off guard may reveal something.

Nile's eyes widen at my sudden question, "That came out of no where," He mumbled, "It has nothing to do with you, Erwin. If she chooses to tell you that's her decision, but if she hasn't told you, I won't be the one to do it."

I figured he would say something along those lines. What was their relationship when she lived in the capital? I know he requested her on occasion to get her away from that abusive environment for a short while, but is there more to it then that?

I need to stop thinking about that, I feel myself getting jealous of a possible connection. No, their relationship was not like that. 

"You seem lost in thought," Nile noted, "Trying to come to terms with the fact that you're not untouchable." He finished staring at the spot where my right arm used to be.

"I wouldn't say I consider myself to be 'untouchable', rather a stubborn gambler who refuses to give in." I clarify.

"Revenge has kept you alive all these years, I guess," Nile replies, sitting further into his seat in the carriage and crosses his arms in front of his chest, "I guess you're slowly making your way to the afterlife one appendage at a time."

I chuckled and stared out the window, I noticed an older man chasing after a couple kids carrying a large bag. The bag appeared to belong to the older man, "I guess even the capital is experiencing these issues." I say to myself more than to Nile.

"It's like this everywhere," Nile shrugged, "Even our holding facilities are starting to become overcrowded."

He stops looking out of the window he is sitting next to and turns his body to face me more, "Why am I here, Erwin?" He asked irritably, "Can't handle a royal summons on your own? If you're looking for someone to reminisce on the old days with, I'll warn you, I'm not in the mood."

"That's some cold shoulder you have there, Nile. We were close back in the day."

"You know why." He growled.

... Yeah, I can probably guess..

"You think I haven't noticed the change in Marie since that damned party?"

There it is.

"I can't control how someone feels, Nile," I remind him, "It's foolish to blame me for how Marie feels."

"I haven't forgotten you were her first choice, and it isn't just about Marie, (y/n) too."

I tense up a bit at that, where is he going with this?

"What are you doing, Erwin? Hasn't the girl been through enough? Now you have to string her along too until you get bored of her? You're one true love is revenge, keep (y/n) out of it." He warns me.

"You're mistaken, Nile," I smile sadly, "If anyone is being 'strung along' in our relationship, it is me."

"Even more reason to end it then," He leans a little closer, "One of these days your gambling is finally going to catch up with you. Don't drag her down with you, Erwin."

I know he's right. If I were a decent man I would let her go. I would end things altogether to spare her feelings for my imminent demise. But I'm selfish.

Things were different with Marie. I was young and just looking to pass the time. But ultimately I chose to stay on the path of pursuing the truth. I have never, and will never, regret that decision.

But it is different with (y/n). Marie asked me on many occasions to give up on my revenge and learning the truth. She wanted me to leave the scouts behind, take a position with the MPs and be with her. I refused right away. It may seem harsh of me, but what I felt for her wasn't love, she was just a distraction and that's about it. Yet I find myself thinking if (y/n) asked that of me... I think my answer may be different.

There is no denying it, I have feelings for her that I have never experienced before. I almost feel like if she asked me to give up and just be with her... I would do it. I would give it all up if it meant I could have her to myself.

But (y/n) would never ask that of me, and I know what she would say if I asked that of her. I've never wanted a normal boring life, too set in my ways on finding the truth about my father's death. Yet, here I am, wishing for that normal boring life if it meant I got to spend the rest of my days with (y/n).

"What are you doing, Erwin?" Nile interrupts my thoughts, "Still thinking about those asinine delusions of your's that you had when we were younger?"

"Yes, because those 'delusions' seem to be more grounded in reality than you originally thought."

"... Well congratulations to you." He replied sarcastically.   


"By the way, Nile, were you aware that Pastor Nick was tortured and killed by the central first military brigade?"

Nile pauses and looks at me again before answering, "... No."

"I see," I nod, "Well it would appear they are rather desperate to figure out Eren's location. Why go as far as to get blood on your hands just for that?"

"We follow orders, Erwin. The higher ups don't give their reasoning, and it is not our place to question them. I'm apart of the outward face of the military police, and the central military police is the opposite. Their chain of command is different than ours, and we don't really have any ties to them. So even we don't really know what they are thinking, or what their motives are. On top of that, there is no one officially in charge of them, no one to monitor them and keep them in check."

"From your knowledge of the way things work in the capital, do you really believe giving Eren to them will save the walls and the world within them?" I question him.

"I don't get paid to ask myself philosophical questions, I do what it asked of me and keep my family safe."

"I respect what you decide to do with your life," I respond, "It was a wise decision to go into the MPs rather than choose the scouts. You were able to make a life work that I am not capable of. Although, I hope you don't mind if I bring this to your attention, do you really think obeying the commands given to you and protecting your position will keep your family safe?"

Nile goes silent, he looks down at his hands, lost in thought. I know he sees it, he sees things are starting to change. The system he believed in is failing, and it puts him and his family at greater risk.

"This world is on the verge of change, Nile. Will it be good or bad, technically no one can say for sure, but I think it's safe to assume it's the latter. So, when it comes down to it, what side will you choose?"

"Erwin, what are you planning on doing?"

"Ah, another gamble of course, it's the only thing I can do," I pat him on the shoulder, "Just do your job, Nile. I just wanted to give you a little warning is all. Here is fine."

The carriage stops and I open the door to get out, "Erwin," I pause to hear what Nile had to say, "Don't forget what I said about (y/n). If you're going down, don't take her with you."

"I'm afraid I don't have the will power to push her away," I sigh, "Even if I were a better man, I still don't think I could. She is the one thing that gives me hope in this world, and I would never put her in danger. Be well, Nile."

I close the door of the carriage behind me before Nile could lecture me more. His concern for (y/n) is understandable, he doesn't have the highest opinion of me when I comes to relationships. He has only ever seen me in one odd relationship with Marie, so I understand why he would just be looking out for (y/n).

But Nile doesn't know the depth of my true affections for (y/n), I'm just as surprised as anyone would be. I'm not exactly the type of person who gets himself into such situations. I never thought I would feel this way, but (y/n) has managed to do the impossible.

"Commander Erwin," I hear someone say as I'm walking up the stairs to the building, "There you are."

It was the Commander of the three regiments, "Commander Zachary," I greet him, "Are you well?"

"Quite well," He nods, "I was wondering when you were going to show up. Your summons has been postponed for now, there are some recent issues that have come up that require immediate attention. I have just been sent out as well."

"I see," I hum, "And I assume the source of this issue is to remain classified."

"I'm afraid I am being kept in the dark as well." He admits.

"Curious." I comment.

"Take care, Smith. I expect I'll see you again soon."

I salute him as he continues down the stairs and walks off down the road. Very strange, I wonder what has come up.

"Ah! Commander Erwin Smith, as I live and breathe!"

I look up to see who called me this time, and standing on top of the stairs is a familiar figure walking down toward me. The man who called me has long silvery blonde hair and haunting amber eyes. As soon as I saw him my blood started to boil, "Lawrence Pearson." I grumble to him as I push past him.

"I'm very sorry Commander Erwin, but I daresay your meeting has been postponed," He says with a smile, "Your superiors are going to be a bit busy for now. You should make your way back to the Scout Barracks."

What is he up to? I guess it wouldn't be a stretch to assume the issue that came up Zachary mentioned has something to do with him. I decide to ignore him and continue up the stairs, "My my," He tuts, "How rude, I was only making sure you didn't waste your time by going all the way to the main office, only to be turned away! Come now, you can trust me!"

I turn around to glare at him, "Ooooh how frightening! You have been working on your glare since the last time we met, sir. You do remember that, don't you?"

The more he spoke the angrier I was getting, I need to calm down. He's trying to get a rise out of me, don't let him. It wouldn't do me any good to beat the shit out of a person like Lawrence Pearson. I would be finished.

"How is my Peitho by the way?" He asked as he walked closer to me, "I hope she isn't too much trouble for you. If you're having trouble keeping her in check, I've found that she needs at least 3 decent beatings a week and at least 20 lashes every few days."

My body won't move, I'm locked in place as an internal battle rages within me. One part fighting to squeeze the life out of Pearson, and the other side trying to reason with the other.

"I do miss her sweet voice, you know," He sighs as he stands in front of me now, "Her screams of unbearable pain was always especially sweet. She has a lot of spirit, it always gave me great pleasure to beat it out of her."

I need to leave, it's dangerous for me to continue to listen to what he says. Well, dangerous for Pearson as well, because if he continues like this I'm going to kill him. And that would be dangerous for me, I can't be charged with manslaughter right now.

"Do tell her to be careful, won't you," Pearson continues, "The underground is not the place for her. One of my underlings spotted her exiting a brothel in the underground yesterday. I could give you some advice on how to keep her spirits low so you can have her more under your control."

What? Is that true? What would she be doing at a brothel in the underground? What am I even thinking? This information is coming from Lawrence Pearson, how can it really be trusted? Perhaps he is just trying to get a rise out of me, no doubt my downfall would be of great interest to him.

"Go ahead, Erwin," He continues to give me a sinister smile, "Harming me would be to your detriment, and I know such a thing would surly bring even more distress to my young (y/n)."

My jaw clenched tightly as he continues and I can feel my hand begin to shake, I hate the way he says her name, "Oh I'm looking forward to the day the scouts get shut down, you hung, and (y/n) being forced to return to me. It was always my goal to make her my wife, she has been very naughty for running from me. I look forward to making her suffer for my pleasure for the rest of her days."

That was it. I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the nearest column of the building, "She doesn't belong to you," I snarl at him, "Even if she left the scouts, she is a citizen above ground now with a place of her own."

"Perhaps," Pearson replied hoarsely, "But she will return to me, I even predict someday soon. She can't stay away, not now."

My eyes burn into his as he smiles smugly at me, what is he up to? I need to get back to her, something isn't right.

I remove him from the column and push him away from me before I decide to kill him. No, that would only cause way more problems than we need right now.

I hear him laugh as I rush down the stairs away from the building, "Yes, do go to her Commander Erwin. Spend what little time you do have with her, for she won't be with you for much longer."

If he is telling the truth, why would he tell me (y/n) was in the underground yesterday? I don't understand how it would benefit him to disclose such information. Maybe he is proving his surveillance of her is still ongoing..

Either way, I need to talk to her about it. I need to get back to her to make sure she is okay.  
  


**Your POV**

"Thanks Moblit!" I smile at him as he completes his mission of escorting me safely back to HQ.

"Stay out of trouble, (y/n)," Moblit pleads with me, "I already have to watch over Hange, I can't handle another."

Yeah I expect monitoring Hange is itself a full time job. Their relationship is adorable but it must be pretty taxing on Moblit's mental and physical health.

I wave after him as he heads back toward their hide out. I expect I'll be back soon, Hange needs someone else to theorize with when she is performing her experiments with Eren. I'm probably the only person who is willing to embrace her ranting. She may even find something that could trigger memories for me...

But I should probably get back to the hospital wing, so I turn and head slowly in that direction. Shower first? I still feel gross from the heavy sweating I did at the house when I doubled over in pain once again. No, come on (y/n), stop avoiding the inevitable, you have to go face Peter.

I drag my feet as I finally make it to the hospital wing and head toward my room without running into a single soul. Great, maybe I'll get lucky and won't run into him at all.

"(Y/n)," I freeze when I hear a familiar voice in a tone that I'm not familiar with, "Where have you been?"

I raised my head to look at Peter as he stood by my hospital room, arms crossed and a stern look on his face, "I fancied some fresh air." I reply, smiling sweetly at him.

"Yes, going out to 'get air' all day and night," He rolled his eyes, "Where have you been?"

"I met up with Hange and Levi's squad, it was later in the afternoon.. and I didn't want to ride back in the dark."

"Where were you before that, (y/n)? You were there in the evening but where were you all day before that?"

"Peter, can we not do this right now," I groan, "Just look me over and discharge me.. You know I'm fine, stop torturing me."

"Fine." He relented with a sigh and motioned for me to enter the hospital room. Why is he so eager to keep me here? The length of time I have been in the hospital seems a tad excessive to me.

We sat in silence at first as he looked me over, checking my reflexes, breathing, eyes, etc..

"Your speech continues to improve," He notes, "That's good."

"Do you think it is a side effect of the formula you gave me?"

"I don't know, I haven't used it on anyone, only you." He replies.

"So you just had this formula lying around?" I ask him suspiciously.

"I have it just in case you change your mind and decide you want to live."

"That isn't fair, Peter. It's not like I'm suicidal."

"Maybe, but you also don't act like a person who wants to live either."

"Why?" I demand, "Just because I refuse to receive a formula.. That only exists because of me? No, I won't encourage you. If I don't cooperate.. with you, you have no reason to continue testing on other people for my sake."

"I told you I'm done experimenting on people, (y/n). I haven't since I left Dr. Banning, and I won't in the future."

I want to believe him, I really do. I want to believe he has my best interests at heart. But something keeps nagging at me at the back of my mind, and it's preventing me from fully trusting him again.

Ugh, this isn't helping, I don't want to talk about this anyone. Peter doesn't seem to be enjoying the topic either, so we fall back into silence for a bit longer.

I stare around the room as he continues and it finally dawns on me that I don't see Erwin in the room.

"Where is Erwin?" I ask him, staring at the neatly made bed in the vacant half of the room.

"I discharged him. Plus, he received a summons to the capital."

I could feel worry bubble up within me, "Why?" I ask nervously. A summons now can't be good with everything going on recently. The higher ups are going to try and maintain the peace as best they can... Which is hard when you have Erwin Smith bringing attention to things they're clearly trying to keep hidden.

Peter raises his eyebrows at my tone, "Not sure, I didn't require that information as a condition of his release. He's a grown man, (y/n), I'm sure he is fine."

I narrow my eyes at him a bit, "I know that, I was just curious is all."

"Sure," He winks at me, "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him how concerned you are for him."

"Am not!"

"Are to!"

"Are you finished yet?" I ask him irritably, "I would like to go." I could feel my cheeks going red.

"Yes," He laughed, "I can't believe the ice queen is actually having human emotions for another man, I'm so proud. Come see me in a couple days, okay?"

I nod at him and quickly leave the room. Okay fine, I am worried about him. I just don't want anything to happen to him. Going to the capital is a huge risk considering the state the scouts are in at the moment.

Maybe I'll check his office to see if he is back yet.

I jog off in the direction of his office, hoping he would be there so I could breathe easy. When I get there I knock softly on the door, "Erwin? Are you in there?"

No answer. I decide to go in anyway. I push the door open and my stomach drops a little when I see he isn't there. Don't panic, (y/n), I'm sure he's fine. But I can't stop myself from being worried about him, maybe I'll just wait for him here.

I head over to sit on the couch he slept on when I had to stay in Erwin's bed after Laurie stopped by to visit me. I lay myself down on it and stare up at the ceiling. Hopefully he will be back soon.

Ugh, nope, I can't just sit here. Might as well have that shower to wash off the sweat. That will help pass the time for now.

**Erwin's POV**

I can barely sit still in my seat as my mind races wildly. At least I was able to find a vacant carriage fast enough to take me back to HQ. I don't know what I'm going to do if she is not there. Pearson claimed to know where she was, could he have done something to her?

It's dark now, and it feels like years have gone by when I finally reach HQ. I quickly go to the hospital wing first, she might be back there by now. But when I get there, the room is empty, both beds made and vacant. It is pretty late, so Thompson must be gone for the night.

I head to the female dorms and knock on her room door. There is no answer, so I open the door and let myself in. There is no one here. No signs that anyone has been in here for a little while.

Dejected, I decided to head back to my office and try to figure out a plan. When I get to my office I almost jump in surprise when I see a figure laying down on my couch.

I quickly light a candle and breathe a sigh of relief when I see (y/n) sleeping soundly on the couch. I sit on the table in front of the couch and smile down at her. I brush some of her hair away from her face so I could get a better look at it.

She stirs in her sleep and her eyes flutter open. When she sees me she smiles, "There you are! I've been worried about you.. young man! Where have you been?! Do you even.. know what time it is?!"

She is really not one to lecture people about being absent, even in a joking manner.

"I'm sorry," I smile back at her, "I didn't know I had a beautiful woman waiting in my office. Had I known I would have come back sooner."

She sits up on the couch and kisses my cheek. She smells like my soap, "You made yourself at home while I was gone." I chuckled, noting her still damp hair.

"I got bored waiting," She shrugged, "Peter told me you received a royal summons.. and I got worried."

Worried about me? I didn't actually think she would be concerned about me. Do I dare let myself believe that she has deeper feelings for me than she has admitted? No, don't look too much into it.

"It was postponed," I admit, "Something else came up."

She breathed a little sigh of relief, "I'm glad you weren't in trouble for anything... yet anyway."

"What about you?" I ask her, "Where were you all day yesterday?"

She tilted her head as she looked at me, biting her lip slightly. She's trying to figure out if she should tell me or not. She's struggling pretty hard, and also aware that her prolonged silence is suspicious.

"I went to the underground, to the cemetery, and then to my squad." She finally admitted.

"Why did you go to the underground?"

"I had something I had to take care of."

"(Y/n)-"

"Please Erwin, just trust me," She grabs onto my hand, "I'll tell you soon, I promise."

She seemed very sincere, but what would be the difference in telling me later as opposed to just telling me now?

“Everyone is being watched Erwin, I can't tell you who I went down there to see... I can't risk her being found.. Once it is safe, I'll tell you everything."

So she was looking for a woman. It is possible she went to a brothel then in that case, to look for this woman. I want to question her more about it, but she seems quite desperate to protect this person.

I wanted to push for answers, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just look at her and my mind goes blank, and I forget about trying to question her further.

"Thank you," She says, "Just be patient with me, okay? I know I'm.. frustrating to say the least, but I appreciate you trusting me."

"You know I trust you, (y/n). You know how I feel." I stare down at my hand, unable to look at her anymore.

I'm hiding something from her too, afterall. The fact that I'm in love with her and refuse to say anything. I know telling her will change the way she feels about our relationship.

"What's wrong, Erwin?" She tries to get me to look at her, but I can't bring myself to do it, "It's nothing with serious consequences to me.. only to her, it's okay."

"I can't, (y/n). Don't ask me, because you don't want me to tell you." I warn her.

"You can tell me anything Erwin.. It's just me."

I finally raise my head to look at her beautiful (e/c) eyes again. That was a mistake, as soon as I did I couldn't hold back anymore.

"I'm in love with you." I confess.

She freezes and sits up straighter in her seat, eyes not leaving mine. Waiting for me to say, 'just kidding', but I won't.

"I broke our agreement. I've known my real feelings for awhile, and I have been keeping it from you."

She opens her mouth as if she were going to say something, but she stops herself. She doesn't move away from me, or even look away from me, so I continue.

"Don't believe me? Allow me to explain the seriousness of the situation. I'd leave the scouts if you asked me to. If you wanted to leave, I would go with you. If you would let me, I would spend the rest of my days with you."

That seemed to effect her, a hint of sadness and then anger flashes in her eyes. She finally looks away from me and looks down at her hands, lost in thought.

"I love you." I repeat to her, "I know this changes things for you, not me because I have known about this. But I had to tell you, you needed to know. So, if this knowledge changes your view on our relationship, you’ll have to be the one to end it, because I can't." I smile at her sadly and move to get up off the table.

But before I can, the last thing I expect to happen, happens. (Y/n) climbed onto my lap and started attacking my lips with her's. I was shocked at first, I thought for sure she was going to lecture me then storm out of my office.

I'm not going to question it though. I kissed her back eagerly and coaxed her to wrap her legs around my waist so I could move her to my desk. She smirks against my lips and does as I request.

She let out a giggle when I grab her ass so I can lift her and myself off the table with a grunt. She releases my lips and kisses my neck instead so I could see where I was walking.

We reach my desk and I hurriedly shove everything off of it and place (y/n) down on it, eager to rip her clothes off.

🍋 **Author's POV** 🍋

Your mind went blank when Erwin said those words to you, you didn't know what to do. You froze when he said what he did, and you panicked when you noticed he was getting up to give you space. You felt overwhelmed and just acted without thinking.

You didn't know what to say, you didn't want to end things with him. But his feelings being confirmed to you made you feel a lot of emotions. You felt angry that he didn't tell you how he felt until it was too late, maybe you could have done something sooner. But you have your own feelings too now, and you don't know what to do. So for now, you were just going to get lost in the moment and think about it later.

After Erwin placed you down on his desk, he stopped to stare down at you. It always made you feel uncomfortable when people stared at you like that, so you started unbuttoning your shirt in an attempt to get him to focus on something other than your face.

"No," Erwin grabbed your wrists to stop you, "Let me."

You blush and remove your hands so Erwin could undress you. You were patient as he fumbled with your buttons, it's more difficult with just one hand but he is determined to do it.

After each button he undid he kisses the exposed skin underneath it. You run your fingers through his neat blonde hair as he works his way down. The feeling of your fingernails gently scratching the back of his head and neck causes him to groan softly.

You were feeling impatient by the slow pace,

and Erwin knew it and was quite enjoying it, "Please Erwin," You moaned quietly, "Take me damnit."

He chuckled and tears the rest of your shirt open. Erwin straightens himself up so he can stare at you again. Your shirt was still on your arms, just exposing your chest and abdomen. You were panting slightly in your aroused state, and your face was flushed.

Erwin pulls you up so he can discard your shirt and bra. He unclasps the hook of your bra quickly and throws it aside as well. He pushes you gently back down on his desk and runs his hand slowly down your body.

He goes from your collar bone to your breasts, running his hand down between them. He can feel your heart begin to beat faster and faster the longer he kept his hand there. He felt the soft, warm skin of your chest, "You're beautiful." He whispered.

"You've said that before." You tease him.

"And you'll continue to hear it from me." He smirks as he lets his hand travel further down past your belly button and to the top of your pants.

"Take your shirt off." You demand, surprising him a bit.

"As you wish." He reaches up to undo the buttons of his shirt, blue eyes burning into your (e/c) ones as he did so.

You started biting your lip as you watched him remove his shirt. You were always mesmerized by his physique, it always left you a bit speechless. Erwin watched you stare at his body and grinned confidently.

You surprise him again by sitting up suddenly and reach for his belt. You kissed and sucked down his abdomen as your fingers worked on his belt, "No," Erwin says again as he removes your hands from his belt, "I'm taking the lead."

You pout at first, but you complied and lied back down on his desk again. He pulls your boots and pants off swiftly and runs his hand slowly up your leg until he reached your thigh.

You sit up again suddenly and pull his face to your's again. You bit at his lip impatiently as his hand reaches the back of your neck to pull you even further into the kiss. You rocked your hips against his, teasing the large tent that has formed there, desperate for at least a little bit of friction.

"(Y/n)," He groaned at you brushing against his clothed erection, "I'm supposed to be taking my time, enjoying the moment more."

"Why? I want you, Erwin. Now." You stare hungrily into his blue eyes, "Fuck me."

He kisses you again and removes his hand from the back of your neck and finally gives your aching womanhood attention.

You moaned embarrassingly loud into his mouth as he pushed a finger in as he circled your clit with his thumb, "God I love those fucking horny little moans of your's." He growls in your ear and bites your earlobe.

"Ahh-, mmmmm," You moaned as he slowly added another finger and started pumping faster, "Erwin... more-"

Listening to your moans made his cock twitch uncomfortably in his pants. His lips travel down your neck, between your breasts and down your abdomen as he continues scissoring his fingers inside you. You breathe sharply when his lips reach your vulva.

He removes his fingers and watches your face go even redder as he licked his fingers, "You taste as sweet as ever." He comments as he smirks at your crimson face.

Erwin gets on his knees and keeps your hips still as he replaces where his fingers once were with his tongue.

"Oh fuck," You panted, "Erwin, ahh-" Your head rolls back as he continues to eat you out. Overwhelmed by the shocks of pleasure being felt throughout your body, your hands cling to the edges of the desk.

You already feel yourself beginning to come apart as the coil in your core was threatening to snap, "Erwin," You try to warn him, "I'm going to, mmm-!"

He flicks his tongue in and around faster as he moves his hand to stimulate your clit. You cum hard with a loud moan, you try to keep yourself still but your body moved on it's own as your muscles begin to spasm and twitch.

Erwin let's you come down from your high before he finally starts to unbuckle his belt. He pulls his pants down in a hurry, unwilling to wait any longer. He craves the feeling of your tight walls gripping and sucking him in.

He wets his cock with your fluids before finally ramming into you. You cry out with a mixture of pain and pleasure, since you were still sensitive.

Erwin kisses you and swallows your moans. He started grunting and groaning like a wild beast as he thrusted in and out of you hard. He already felt like he was going to explode inside of you, so he slowed his pace down, "Fuck, I don't want it to end," He groaned when he released your lips and started biting at your neck, "You feel so fucking good I can't take it."

He slowly moves his hips in circles, hitting new places and eliciting more moans from you, "Erwin," You gasped, "You feel amazing."

"That's my line." He smirked as you dug your nails into his back that were definitely going to leave marks.

He prolonged it as much as he could, but your nerdy moans and tight walls contracting around him was driving him even more wild.

Erwin grabs one of your legs and bends it over his shoulder, signalling for you to bring the other one up. You do as he requested and he loses the last of his restraint. The desk could be heard banging and scraping against the floor as he thrusts more powerfully and deeply into you.

You let out little screams as your mind started to go fuzzy from the intensity of the moment, "I love you so fucking much." He grunted to you as you started to come apart again.

You moaned his name loudly as you exploded around him again. Erwin followed soon after you, with your name escaping his lips as he reaches his own end and you both ride out your orgasms.

You were both panting heavily as you come down from your highs. You feel a flood of emotions wash over you as the weight of the moment sinks in.

Looking at him you realize you love him too. And that fact is terrifying to you, because you finally admit to yourself that you have fallen for 2 people. The one thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do, but you couldn't do it.

It's terrifying because you know you all lead a very dangerous life, and either of them or both can be taken from you at any time. Even worse, you knew you didn't have long.. Deep down you have felt for awhile that the 2 men were falling for you. But you selfishly ignored the signs and maintained the relationships.

Now you know for sure Erwin's feelings, and you know Levi feels the same way about you. But they didn't know you were dying, and that fact is tearing you apart.

Erwin pushes his upper body up so he could look at you again, but when he does he grows concerned, "(Y/n), what's wrong?"

You look up at him, trying to maintain a neutral face, "Why would you think something is wrong?"

"You're crying."

' _What?'_ You thought to yourself, ' _No, I never cry in front of people_.'

But it was true, you leaned up to touch your cheek and you're shocked to feel wetness from fresh tears.

"No," You whisper, "Oh no."

"(Y/n)-"

"I have to go," You say barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry, I need to go."

You hurriedly grab your clothes and put on what you could as you rushed toward the door.

"(Y/n), what's wrong?" Erwin tries to get you to stay, but you close the door behind you before he can get to it. He fought against himself to keep him from chasing after you, he didn't really understand what just happened. But it was clear to him you were overwhelmed. He didn't regret telling you how he felt, you needed to know.

He hopes if he gives you some space you'll tell him what is wrong, and you can have an actual conversation about where to go from here.

You ran to your room, tears streaming down your face. You felt so many emotions as you ran into your room and collapse on the floor. Above all, you felt guilt. Guilt that you let them fall for you, when you knew that it wasn't likely you would even last the year.

You felt guilty, but you also felt happy at Erwin's confession. And the more you think about it, everything Levi has done shows you that he loves you too. But every time you let yourself be a little happy, the other part of you smacks you in the face with the guilt of what is to happen to you in the future...and what that will do to them.

You make sure your door is locked and you crawl into your bed, "Mom," You whispered, "What do I do?"

You hold your knees up to your chest and wait in hope for sleep to finally over take you.


	45. Chapter 45: Truth Will Out

**Time skip, several days later**

**Your POV**

I’ve been avoiding Erwin for awhile now, it’s been easier than I thought actually. When I woke up the day after he confessed, I headed straight back to my squad. Squad Levi is still my squad afterall, it’s helpful that we have to stay out here and no one is really allowed to visit us, unless it is completely necessary. So it makes hiding from him easier.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy by helping Hange out. Levi is starting to notice I’m kind of avoiding him too. I know it’s childish, but I don’t know the right way to go about this.

At least my speech is back to normal now, no more annoying pausing in the middle of a sentence. It makes any arguments far less effective in my favour. My speech is normal, but I can feel my movements starting to get a little jerky again on occasion. I don’t think anyone has noticed yet, I’ll have to keep an eye on it.

I’m so tired, I barely sleep, even when I do it’s only for a few hours. I don’t know how Levi does it. It is fortunate I have been able to successfully evade him too, he has been really busy with Hange. They have been doing a lot of theorizing on who exactly may be coming after us. I don’t know, I’m not much help in that department, so I have mainly been spending my time with my other squad mates.

I think Hange senses something is up, if Levi tries to get me alone she drags me away claiming she needs me urgently. Usually she will have to say Peter gave her instructions on what tests to do on me to make sure everything is still okay. Completely unnecessary, but Levi doesn’t question it, or rather, he feels like he can’t.

“What’s wrong, Eren?!” Hange yells at titan Eren, “Are you done for the day?!”

I wasn’t really paying much attention anymore, I was kind of zoning out before Hange started yelling. Eren has been going at it for awhile, it makes sense if his tired body effects his titan. His titan form is getting worse and worse the last couple times he has transformed.

“Come on, Eren! All humanity is resting on your shoulders! Up! Up! Up!”

“Hange, maybe we should call it a day,” I yawn, “He’s been through enough for the day, don’t you think?”

“Shitty glasses, look at him,” Levi comments, “His transformation looks incomplete this time. He’s smaller than 10 meters, he’s missing flesh and his ass is out.”

Hange rolled her eyes irritably, “I know that already. Eren! Give us some sort of sign that you can still hear me!”

But it’s clear Eren can’t do anything, is it because his titan body is fatigued from all the things they have been trying to do?

I look over and see Mikasa riding up to Eren to get him out. This must be tough on Mikasa, seeing Eren like this.

Hange jumps down with her gear to help Mikasa release Eren and I follow closely behind her in case she needs any help, “Ouch! Hot,” Hange hisses as the thick steam from Eren’s body almost blinds us at first, “Eren, you’re really hot!”

My immature mind is very amused by that statement, but I settle down when Mikasa gives me a death glare, “Don’t.” She grumbled at me.

“Ah, it would have been too easy anyway.” I shrug.

“(Y/n), look,” Hange gasped, “He is fused much more strongly to his titan. It’s likely they are fusing more, becoming one. Oooh, can we try again? See what happens after the next transformation?”

“Hange enough,” I sigh, “Let’s get him out of there.” I know she gets excited when she sees something new, but we don’t know what will happen to Eren if we leave him like this. Best thing we can do is end this session for now.

“Moblit! Make a sketch of his face! We’ll need it for comparison later, do you think it will go back to normal?”

I take a closer look at his face and gasp. His eyes were gone and his skin seemed to have melted off, leaving just muscles and bone attached to his titan.

“Squad leader, are you even human?” I hear Moblit exclaim at Hange behind me.

Mikasa had finally had enough and cut Eren from his titan, leaving Hange to fall back and catch him, “Alright!” Hange calls out, “We’re done here for now! All units head back!”

We silently load Eren to the back of one of the carriages and get ready to head out, “I’ll help scout the area for any potential witnesses.” I let Hange know before she takes off.

“Hey, don’t take too long. Remember, Dr. Thompson’s surprise whatever.” She remindedme. 

“Oh shit, I forgot about that.” I smack myself in the forehead.

“I knew you would,” She smiles at me, “But I promised Ellen I would get you there on time.”

... Damn her, “Fine fine.” I wave her off and hop onto my horse before she can say another word.

I had forgotten about Ellen’s surprise party for Peter, to be honest I really don’t want to go. I just have a bad feeling about this. Why is she even bothering throwing a birthday party in the first place? She didn’t do that type of shit when they were married... So why now?

Peter asked me to make sure I checked in with him when he discharged me. But I left the morning after Erwin confessed to me, and I haven’t been back since. I know I’ve probably disappointed Erwin by running from him,he I didn’t know what else to do... Hopefully he doesn’t take it personally, I tend to run from or ignore my feelings. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t shown up to talk to me, but he has been giving me space and I appreciate that; it must be driving him crazy.

I know Levi knows something is up, I’ve been acting strangely ever since I got back. I sleep in a bed upstairs with the rest of the cadets. As difficult as it is for him, I know he is trying to give me space as well. However, it is harder for him since he has to see me everyday.

Hange seems to be purposely keeping Levi distracted with these experiments on Eren and theorizing about what group may be pursuing us, and who specifically. This is the first time we have actually really tried to give Eren instructions in his titan form.

When Eren turned into his titan form and didn’t harden, or couldn’t, when signalled to. We couldn’t be sure if he was actually conscious and able to respond. So we had to do a variety of tests to make sure he could comprehend what we were saying while he was in his titan form, making sure he is still all there.

Firstly we had Armin do simple movements, such as standing on one leg, lifting his arms, or hopping on one foot, and asked Eren to mimic him. He did that easily, so obviously he can understand what goes on around him and reacts accordingly and follows instructions.

We were able to figure out that judging by the structure of his mouth, he is unable to communicate by speaking in his titan form.

He was also able to perform more specialized tasks such as building a small structure with rope and logs.

But after about an hour, things started to decline rather quickly. Since he couldn’t speak, Hange had him write on the ground. At first his words were indeed legible, then he wrote ‘Father’ and ‘Had me’. We have no clue what that is supposed to mean, it definitely got my attention though. I know there is something weird about his father’s history. And it seems, subconsciously, Eren knows something too...

After Eren wrote those words his writing turned into illegible scribbles, and he seemed frustrated and pained by something. After a little while he decided to exit his titan suddenly, but he was hardly conscious when he came out.

Eren rested for a little while and transformed again, only this time he was 2 meters shorter than his usual titan. We tried re-doing the intelligence tests, but they didn’t go well at all the second time. For one thing, he ate the structure he built with logs and ropes, then he rampaged for awhile, completely out of control, until he ran out of energy and we had to intervene and release him.

It doesn’t seem like he is able to harden his body, that’s disappointing. But I’m sure no one is more disappointed than Eren is. I hope Levi is not too hard on him, he is doing his best.

It’s not like the experiments were complete failures, we know approximately how long he can last as a conscious titan and the apparent limitations he is faced with. We can use this information. I hope they stress that to him when he wakes up, because he will be beating himself up about this.

Travelling around the perimeter I don’t see anything or anyone suspicious. Then again, whoever is after us I doubt they will make such careless mistakes as to leave evidence that they are watching.

“(Y/n).”

I turn to see Levi riding up behind me. Uh oh, I don’t have Hange to pull him or me away for something.

“Captain Levi,” I nod and smirk at the look he gave me when I used his title, “How is Eren doing?”

“He’s passed out in his bed,” Levi said, stopping his horse next to mine, “He seems fine though, we’ll know more when he wakes up.”

“Good, we should head back then,” I comment, “I have checked the perimeter in my area.”

“Not so fast, (y/n),” He stops me, “Now that I finally have you by yourself, tell me what happened.”

“What do you mean?” I feign ignorance.

“You’ve been acting strange ever since you got back,” Levi narrowed his eyes at me, “What happened between you and Erwin?”

Yep, sharp as ever.

“You know, I think this dynamic kind of works because I don’t talk to you guys about one another.” I scold him.

“What did he do?” He presses.

“It’s fine, Levi. We are both fine. He didn’t do anything, it was me, I was the one that fucked up and left. I’m the problem, not him.”

Levi studies me as he urges his horse to walk in step with mine, “You don’t look fine.”

“That’s rude, I thought I always looked fine.”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No, I’ve been avoiding being alone with you.” I correct him.

“Why?”

“To avoid questions like these.” I admit. He has to know that, he can read me like a book.

“I’ll drop it if you give me some information.” Levi tried to compromise with me.

“Information about what?” I ask him suspiciously.

“I told you I want to get to know you better. You know, have an actual conversation where we are actually both clothed, and it’s not about work.” He explained.

“... Why didn’t you just say that? You know, as opposed to, ‘give me some information’. Do you even know how to speak human?”

“I don’t like having regular conversations with people, but I want to with you.” He smirked at my reaction.

This is weird... But I guess there is no harm in conversing with him on our way back. Does he even know how to have normal human conversations? I mean he can talk about titans, plans or orders and whatever, but I don’t think I’ve seen him have just normal conversations...

“Okay,” I give in, “But I have the chance to ask that same question to you, or respond with a question of my own.”

“Obviously, that’s how a conversation works.” He says as he raises an eyebrow at me.

“Don’t give me that! I’m not the weird one here, I have actually had normal conversations with people before. I’m just trying to teach you how, don’t sass your teacher!” I yell at him playfully.

“I object to that statement.”

“Oh? Name one occasion where you have had a conversation with someone and it wasn’t work related.” I rebut.

“‘ _Oh Levi, you feel so good_ ,’” He tries to mimic me, “‘ _I want you to fuck me harder, oh god your cock feels so good, I’m going to_ -‘“

“Shut up!” I yell as I feel my face burning red.

“‘ _Mmmmm, oh god, yes_ ,’” He tries to moan in my voice, ‘“ _Levi!’”_

“I don’t sound like that!” I cry out.

“You’re right, it’s much hotter when it comes from you.” He comments with a smirk.

“Ask your questions damnit!”

“What was your childhood like?”

“You know, when you ask questions, even though it is in a friendly manner, you still come off as aggressive, and make one feel like they are being interrogated.” I giggle.

“Just answer the question.”

“I don’t really remember all of it, just pieces here and there,” I reply honestly, “A lot of it is still a blur. I had it better than most though, my mother was tough.” I smile to myself when I picture her punching many a face in when someone tried to make advances on her, “Same question to you.”

“I lived at a brothel with my mother before she died when I was young. After that, a man took me in and taught me how to survive in the underground. He left me when I was still young, but I was able to take care of myself. Then I found a group of people I could trust for the most part, and we survived together.” He explained.

“What was your mother like?” I ask.

“My turn again, brat,” He mumbles, “Was your father ever around?”

“Why does that matter?”

“I’m trying to build an understanding of you.”

Ugh, I hate this, people trying to put me into certain categories based on my past. My past helped shape me, but it doesn’t define me, there are more sides to me, I don’t fit in any pre-determined categories.. I’m kind of in a group of my own.

But I bite my tongue and endure it, because I know Levi means well, “He was around intermittently throughout the years. I never understood the blind devotion my mother had for my father. He was a complete asshole every time he shambled through the door and took me away from my mother, ‘trained,’ or ‘tortured’ me, depending on your definition, brought me back to my mother and left for X amount of years. Did you ever meet my father, or even know what he may have been up to?”

That was another mystery about the man, to me anyway. I know he is despised by many, but I don’t fully understand why. I know he was a hitman for a time, but there are dozens of people like that in the underground so that can’t be all it was.

“I don’t know exactly,” He admits, “He pissed off a lot of people you ought not to, and he was involved in trafficking a long time ago. But I don’t really know anything more about him, or what he has been up to in more recent years.”

“What was your mother like, and the person who ended up taking you in?”

“One questions at a time, brat.” He tutted me.

“Hey, if I have to suffer, so do you.”

“My mother was my mother,” He shrugged, “She took care of me like a mother should before she died. There isn’t anything else to it, she did what she had to do to keep me alive. As for the man who took me in, to this day I still don’t know why he did what he did. He seemed to know my mother since he was the one who went looking for her and found me. He was, of course, harsher than my mother when he was training me, but that’s just how it is down there. I’m sure your father trained you in similar ways.”

I nodded thoughtfully, “I guess the man saw the destructive angry little short stack you really are, and wanted to tap into that potential.”

“You are in no position to comment on someone’s height,” He smirked, “I am still taller than you after all.”

“... Only a little.”

“What was your life like at Pearson’s?” He asked next.

I tense up immediately, well the topic of question has certainly took a turn..

“Horrible,” I comment quietly, “From what I can remember.”

“Judging from the scars on your body, I inferred that much.” He comments.

“Then why ask?”

“I wanted to see if you would elaborate.”

“I wasn’t referring to the abuse, I was referring to who I was as a person. You want to get to know me better? I was a horrible person when I lived with Pearson.” I answer seriously.

“People do horrible things in that type of environment. The people who don’t do not survive for very long. In the end, everyone has to look out for themselves, it’s regrettable, but understandable.”

“I don’t see it that way,” I grumble, “I heard you were a big time thug in the underground before you were domesticated by Erwin, tell me about that.”

I don’t think Levi liked the way I mentioned Erwin in a more casual way, rather than ‘Commander Erwin’, judging by his grimace when I said his name.

“I had a close group of friends I considered family, and we worked together to survive. Stealing, robbing, whatever, we did what he needed to.” He answered.

“And then you came up here and they died.” I finish the story for him, that part of the story I have heard before.

He nodded, “Yes, I trusted they could handle themselves while I went to kill Erwin. But they ended up dying because of the choice I made, and the whole mission we were on, sent by a man in the capital, was all a lie. Erwin already knew everything, so they essentially died for no reason.”

After a brief pause I speak up again, “How do you live with it?” I ask him quietly, “How do you live with the fact that they would be alive today of it weren’t for you?” I wasn’t being accusatory, I really want to know. Faces flash in my mind of people who have been mutilated or killed because of my actions, and persistence to learn the truth.. Andrea being the one I can remember the best.

Levi knew I wasn’t talking about him anymore, “Anyway I can,” He replies, “Same goes for you, (y/n). Anyway you can.”

His words comforted me a little bit. I know he understands what I probably went through to get to where I am now. It’s nice to have someone who can kind of understand where I am coming from.

“(Y/n)!” I hear someone call from in front of us. I squint my eyes and see that it is Hange.

Levi let’s put a frustrated groan as Hange interrupts our conversation, “Don’t think I’m done with this little talk, brat. We will continue this.”

“Sure thing, captain.” I tease him again by using his title.

“Stop calling me captain.” He growled.

“Stop calling me brat.” I rebut.

“No.”

“So cute,” Hange giggled as she got closer, “Hello shorties! (Y/n), you have to get going or you’re going to be late. Let’s go!”

“Wait, why are you going?” I ask her.

“I’m going to make sure you actually go.” She smiles.

“... I’m an adult, I can get to places on my own, thank you.”

“I know, but I’m attending as well, so we may as well go back together, right?”

That’s weird, it’s supposed to be a surprise birthday party, right? Why would Ellen tell some people he works with? To my knowledge their relationships don’t go past neutral co-workers. 

“You don’t know?” Hange gapped at me, “Well I guess it will be a surprise for you too! See you, Levi! Maybe you should stop by too if you want!”

Before Levi could answer we both take off, heading back toward HQ.

**Erwin’s POV**

I’ve been trying to give (y/n) her space to figure out whatever it is she is feeling, but it is driving me crazy. I’ve been able to keep myself busy enough, however she always remains at the back of my mind.

I guess that is why I’m currently heading to the underground. I need to find out why she has been coming down here, who she came to see. What Pearson said to me was still lingering in the back of my mind.

He wasn’t lying about her being down here the day she left for the hospital, she admitted it to me. But her motives have not become any clearer. I was not able to get anything else out of her, other than the fact she did meet with some woman, and she is trying to protect her... But who? And why?

The underground is a lot more crowded than the last time I was here to capture Levi and his 2 companions. So I am not exactly familiar with the layout, made worse by the fact that there are new structures that weren’t here years ago, voiding my already limited knowledge of the place.

Where do I even start? What am I even trying to do? Why did I let Pearson get to me? Isn’t this an invasion of her privacy? Yes, she has been down here before, but I know little about her reasoning for the previous times, and even less sure now.

I’ve been wandering around somewhat aimlessly, not really sure what I’m looking for. I came across a few brothels and inquired to the staff if anyone had seen her. I took a gamble and used her nickname she used to go by, as I’m sure she didn’t use her real name if she did speak with anyone. I tried to describe how she looks in her signature hood as well, but no luck.

Wandering around isn’t going to do me any good, I have no idea what I should even be searching for, or who. I walk up and down the narrow crowded streets, waiting for something to catch my attention...

Come on, Erwin, this is ridiculous. (Y/n) would kill me if she knew I was snooping around down here, trying to figure out and understand her personal life. But I can’t help myself, I need to know what she has been up to. I don’t care what it is, I want to help her anyway I can. I know she is independent and private, I don’t care, I don’t want anything to happen to her.

Although, it is evident that this isn’t helping. I need to get back and actually come up with a more solid plan. Perhaps I should speak with Levi about this. I’m sure there have been some things he hasn’t told me about when he went snooping in the underground for information on (y/n).

I resign myself to head back to the entrance and return to the surface, when something catches my eye. I passed this house while I was looking around, but I didn’t really stop to look at it. Now that I am, I see (y/n)’s father’s name graffitied on the abandoned house followed by various profanities and slander.

(Y/n)’s name and her mother’s name is on there as well. Is this the house where she lived with her mother? Curiosity gets the better of me and I walk closer to the house.

I’m pleasantly surprised when I tried the door and realize it is not locked. When I walk inside the house, it is in disarray. The room I walked into had some furniture, there was a couch where the cushions were ripped, a pile of rubble that seemed to be the remains of a piano, and various other pieces of furniture that are broken and strewn about the room.

There’s wood littering the floor from a roof in disrepair that looks like it could give way any day. I walk toward a hallway that leads to a kitchen and probably bedrooms. When I look at the ground of the hallway I see footprints. They look like rather small boot impressions.

I follow the footprints into the kitchen and then into bedrooms where there is a thick layer of dust over everything. These rooms are in similar conditions, but the beds remain intact and haven’t been touched in years. Yet the front room, which I can assume was probably a living room, there is not one piece of furniture that has not been tampered.

The dust is also not as thick, an indication someone was here recently and trashed the front room. Otherwise layers of dust would be on the rubble like in the bedrooms. The boot prints I saw were recent and small, so I was it (y/n)? Did she come here and do this? Why would anyone else come here? I’m sure it was looted thoroughly years ago when it became vacant.

“Who are you?”

I jump when I hear a male voice from the doorway of the house. I narrow my eyes at the boy who looks to be in his late teens. He had messy short black hair and green eyes. 

The boy walks into the house, “Are you in the scouts?” He asks me as he examines my jacket with the scout symbol on it.

“Yes,” I reply stiffly, “Who are you?”

“Asher Neumann,” He says as he continues to study me carefully, “Do you know (y/n)?”

My eyes widen, “You know her?”

“Yes, and I’m assuming you do too since you’re also a scout and, well, here in her old house.”

“I’m her superior,” I confirm, “I’m the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith.”

“What brings you to this shit hole, Erwin Smith?” He asks as he leaned against the wall.

“I’m trying to find out what trouble she is getting into. What are you doing here?” I ask him suspiciously.

“I worry about her.” He replied simply.

“How do you know her?” I ask curiously. This is the only person who has admitted to seeing her down here, I may as well take advantage of this.

“She saved my life a few weeks ago,” He answered quietly, “Even though, from her perspective, it would have been more beneficial for her to let me die. I tried to rob her, but she refused to give in and when I realized who she was I tried to run.” He paused and shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably before he continued.

“I was going to tell the gang I owe money to that I saw (y/n) (l/n), since there are a lot of people down here who would pay a lot for such information. But they have had enough of me and decided I was more troublesome alive, so they planned on killing me instead. (Y/n) followed me when she realized I knew who she was, and she saw the men were going to kill me. She could have left me there, it’s not like they noticed her there. But, despite the fact I could tell people she was down here, she saved me anyway. It couldn’t have been easy for her, it was 5 big men against her, but she makes everything look easy.”

I relax a bit as he explains how he knows (y/n), I can tell by the way he talks about her that he does feel grateful toward her. I don’t detect any signs of ill intent from him to (y/n), but that doesn’t mean I should let my guard down.

“She even gave me some money to give to the gang who was pursuing me. She is something else. I got the gang off my back for now, but I’ve been trying to make a more honest way of paying them back... Well, as honest as you can be underground.” He explained as he relaxed against the wall again.

“Yeah, she is something else.” I agree quietly.

“So, why are you here?” He asks me again.

“Pearson mentioned someone who works for him spotted her by a brothel down here, and I’m trying to find out why.” I admit.

“Yeah, I noticed an increase in Pearson’s men down here, I warned (y/n) about that when she was here last week. I walked in on her destroying the piano,” He laughed, gesturing toward the ruins, “She seemed to be having some kind of break down, but then she asked me where she could find this woman in a portrait she had on her. I don’t know who the woman is, but I recognized her and pointed her to the brothel I remembered seeing her at.”

So this was the woman she said she had to find. An escort at a brothel evidently. Should I ask him to point me in the direction of the same brothel? Would I be able to discern who the woman would be? If I brought this Asher kid with me, would he be able to remember the face that was in the portrait? That probably isn’t a good idea, I don’t exactly know if I can trust this kid. Who knows where he could lead me.

Maybe going to that brothel is a bad idea, I don’t want to draw too much attention to this. Clearly she is up to something in confidence, since she refused to offer up the identity of the woman she was lookingfor. Best to get as few people involved as possible for now. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize her safety or plans, but I have to bring it up to her. I need her to tell me what is going on so I can help her. At least let her know Pearson’s people have indeed spotted her down here, and she needs to be more careful.

“Why are you here, again?” I ask him.

“I noticed last week, not long after (y/n) left, someone else stopped by this house. I saw the door open, and thought it might be (y/n) again. I walked quietly to the house again, just in case it wasn’t her, and noticed there was some guy with a hood in there. I don’t know who they were or why they were here, so I’ve been sticking around to see if I can learn more and see if that person comes back. It’s definitely suspicious for someone to just be hanging around a house that has been abandoned for years, not long after (y/n) visited here. Not unlike what you’re doing now, Mr. Smith.”

I didn’t notice any bigger footprints other than (y/n)’s, then again I could only see them in the hallway, kitchen and bedrooms. The dust in the living room has been disturbed too much to see any kind of footprints on the floor.

“You seem very concerned for her,” I note suspiciously, “Why are you hanging around so much?”

“Why are you?” He fired back.

I don’t say anything to that, it’s obvious to me why I am down here. I can’t keep myself away from (y/n) and trying to figure out what goes on in that mind of her’s.

“Look,” Asher breaks the silence again, “I have my reasons and you clearly have your’s. I can tell you what brothel she went to in order to look for the woman, but she didn’t tell me why she was looking for her. It’s obvious you have something personal going on with her for you to come all the way down here for answers. But you should be more careful when you’re down here, you don’t know who could be watching you.”

I nod and pat him on the shoulder, “Thank you, Asher. I’ll talk with her.” I walk past him and head toward the door when he stopped me.

“If you can, try to keep her from coming down here. Whoever that person is that came here, whatever their intentions are, they are looking for (y/n). And it would seem they are probably getting closer.”

“Send for me if you see anything else, I’ll do what I can on my end.”

Asher nods in response and follows me out of the house. We part ways, him heading to wherever his home was and me heading back to the surface.

I need to press her for more information, I know she asked me not to pry more about what she has been up to, and who she is protecting. I know she tried to assure me that her life wasn’t at risk, she was only trying to protect this person... But even so, she has to know that Pearson has people down here who may have spotted her, right? If she doesn’t I need to confirm it for her, maybe then she will take my advice and stop going down there.

There is still a possibility that this Asher kid could possibly be working for Pearson. He has seen her on a couple occasions while she has been down there, and Pearson would pay him to keep the gang that is after him off his case if he gathered information for him. He did seem genuinely thankful toward her, but people get into situations like these to survive.

When I reach the surface I untie my horse and head back to HQ. No more letting her avoid me. There is that surprise gathering for Thompson that she is supposed to be attending, so I will see her there.

**Your POV**

“Hange, enough,” I groan as she follows me toward my room, “I’m going, I promise!”

“I know,” She smiles, “I’m just being thorough. I’m happy you guys seemed to have worked things out.”

“What do you want to know?” I ask her as I open the door. I know she is only hanging around because she wants to ask me something.

“Whatever do you mean?” She gasped dramatically, “To say I would help you out with Levi and escort you safely to HQ just because I wanted you to feel obligated to answer some questions for me?!”

“... Pretty sure that’s not what I said... Out loud anyway..”

“Oh! I’m insulted by your insinuation!”

I laugh at her overly dramatic reaction, which I guess was her goal all along, this is just who she is, and why it is impossible to be angry with her, “Alright, make it quick, I have to change.”

We enter my room and I started rummaging through my closet for something besides my uniform, “What went on with Erwin?” Hange asks me as she sits on my bed, watching me carefully.

“Not wasting anytime, huh?” I grumble.

“You are correct, we don’t have a lot of time. So come on, out with it.”

There is no point in pretending I don’t know what she is talking about, she already knows something must have happened.

“Erwin told me he is in love with me.” I finally admit. 

“... Well... Yeah.”

“Don’t say it like it’s the most obvious thing ever!” I complain.

“What did you expect, (y/n)? I warned you, I said this meant more to them than you initially thought.” She scolded me.

“No Hange! You’re supposed to pat me on the back and say something like, ‘Men are stupid, keep doing what you’re doing, things will work out’. Or something along those lines anyway. Tell me what I want to hear! Be a fake a friend for once!”

“Would that make you feel better?”

“... No.” I sigh.

“How do you feel?” She asks.

“I feel angry, but also happy. Angry that I wasn’t able to back out before feelings got involved. But I also feel happy because that’s how you feel when one of the men you have feelings for confesses to you.”

“Come on, (y/n),” Hange rolls her eyes, “You had to have known their feelings went way further than physical desire for you. Before those men met you I’ve never seen them show any kind of interest toward any woman. As soon as they met you I could tell right away you were different to them. Even when we only knew you as (y/n/n), before they ever saw your face, you were different for them.”

I lower my head at her words. Yeah, I think I’ve always known I was different to them. I didn’t like to think about it, because I couldn’t conceive in my mind how someone like me could ever win the affections of such amazing men. I mean, I was used to men in the capital lusting after me and falling for my looks, but it was different for Erwin and Levi.

“Let the record show that I am not saying, ‘I told you so’ at all, out of respect for your feelings,” Hange interrupted my thoughts, “Even though I could have said it over and over again, and I feel actual pain not teasing you about it.”

“Acknowledged. Though I’m pretty sure, ‘I warned you’, is in the same category.”

“So, what’s holding you back, (y/n)?” She asks carefully, “If you really don’t feel the same, just tell them.”

“It’s not that,” I reply quietly, “I do have the same feelings they have for me.”

“Then why aren’t you jumping up and down?” She laughed, “Why aren’t you celebrating?”

Because nothing good will come of this. I’m dying. It’s not a possibility, it’s an inevitability. I’m not going to last much longer, the best thing I can do is distance myself from them, right? Wouldn’t that be the best thing to do?

“I’m sorry if things didn’t exactly go the way you may have wanted,” Hange speaks up again when I remain silent, “So, what will you do now? You can’t avoid Erwin and Levi forever.”

“I know that, but I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m in the mindset of, ‘Meh, it’ll come to me later, things will fall into place.’” I shrug.

I pick out my (f/c) long sleeve v-neck, and a simple pair of black form fitting pants. No need to be too formal. When I pick out the clothes I want, I turn to Hange and wait for her to take the hint. But, of course, she doesn’t.

“Hange?” I get her attention.

“Yes?” She responded innocently.

“Do you mind?” I raise an eyebrow at her, wanting some privacy to change.

“Not at all,” She sits up a bit and smiles at me, “Please, continue.”

“Hange, this love triangle I have going on right now is complicated enough without adding you to it too.” I giggle and waggle my finger at her, “As much as I find your crazy scientist personality endearing, I’m not emotionally stable at the moment to handle another, my hands are already full.”

“So there’s a chance.” She contemplated jokingly.

“Out!” I laugh and toss my jacket at her playfully.

“Alright alright,” She raises her hands up in surrender and starts making her way toward my door, “Make sure you wear your hair up, it looks better like that.”

“Thanks.” I smile at her as she closes my door behind her.

I quickly shrug off my uniform and change into the clothes I set out for myself. I look into the mirror and run my fingers along my (h/l) (h/c) hair. Maybe I will take Hange’s advice.

I collect my hair into a ponytail and leave a few strands to frame my face. I shrug at my appearance, good enough. Before I even reach my door I hear a knock on it.

I scrunch up my eyebrows, who would that be now? I close the rest of the distance to my door and open it.

“(Y/n)!” A pretty woman with short blonde hair and shinning green eyes greets me, “I came to find you! I was worried you might back out!”

“No,” I smile as she kisses my cheek, “I was just on my way down.”

“Very good,” She analyzes my appearance, “Awww! You look adorable as always!”

“Thanks,” I avoid eye contact with her as my cheeks go red, “We should go.”

“Right you are!” She grins and holds out her arm for me to take. I accept it and we walk side by side I’m assuming to the Mess Hall. I follow social protocol and ask her about her well-being and how Ellie and Jack are of course. Apparently they were still pretty fussy about being left out of the party.

“Again, I’m very thankful you decided to come, (y/n). I’m not oblivious, I know something weird has been going on between the 2 of you. Can I ask what happened?”

I can’t... There is no way I can tell her. I like to believe that Peter has indeed changed, and telling Ellen would make things much more difficult for him. If she knew he experimented on myself and my mother it would trash their relationship, and the relationship with his kids.

“Did you guys hook up or something while he and Grace have been together?” She asks me.

“No, nothing like that,” I reply quickly, “If he wants to tell you about it, that’s his decision. Can we drop it, please? I’m going, what else do you want from me?”

“Okay okay, I won’t be the one to bring it up again.” She let out a disappointed sigh.

“Thank you. Oh, by the way, why did you invite my superiors to this birthday thing for Peter? To my knowledge he isn’t exactly close with them... What’s the point?”

“Ah, wouldn’t you like to know,” She teases me, “I won’t ruin the surprise for you. Let’s just say you’re going to be very proud of him. I wanted your superiors here too so they know things are about to change. I want them to hear about the amazing things that are to come. I don’t know why Peter has been so secretive, but it’s about time people know about his hard work.”

Oh boy, what is that supposed to be? I don’t like this... I don’t like surprises... But I’m going to try and put everything aside, play nice and be happy for him.

We reach the Mess Hall and it already has quite a few people here. I recognize quite a few squad leaders in the scouts here... Oh no, does that mean Erwin and Levi are going to be here too? Shit. I didn’t even think about that, I though Hange was kidding when she mentioned it to Levi.

There are also quite a few people I don’t recognize, they must be close friends of Peter I imagine.

I look around the hall and see Erwin and Hange chatting off to the side a bit. Maybe Hange can resume her role of distraction for Erwin too.

“Ow, (y/n),” Ellen giggled as my grip becomes tighter on her arm due to my nerves, “What is with you? You should be used to people staring at you.”

“Nothing.” I reply unconvincingly.

“Oooo your blonde boy toy is here,” She winked at me as she nodded in Erwin’s direction, “Let’s go say hello, I do enjoy looking at the man.”

“No!” I protest as I try to dig my heels into the floor as much as possible, not unlike a child.

“(Y/n)!” Ellen sighs as she drags me across the room, people staring at me as I go past them, “What are you doing? You’re worse than my kids!”

I try to release my arm from her iron grip, but she has me tightly, “Commander Erwin, Squad Leader Hange!” Ellen greeted them, “Thank you for coming, I’m sorry to bother you, but my little (y/n) here is new and very shy, would you please play with her? I know it will give her more confidence if she knew someone here.” She pushes me in front of her, presenting me to them like a mother introducing her toddler to new playmates.

“Awww! She’s so cute!” Hange squeals, “Don’t worry, I’ll play with her!”

I feel my face burn with embarrassment and shyness, I’m trying to avoid looking at Erwin... But it is no use, I’m drawn to him. My eyes finally meet his, I expect to see an annoyed look for me avoiding him all this time. But that’s not what I observed.

On the contrary, he looks very amused by my reactions around him, he has a small smile on his handsome face. His eyes aren’t cold or questioning, they are warm as he stares at me, waiting for my next move.

“Lovely to see you, (y/n),” His grin turns to a smirk as he addresses me, “It has been a little while, huh? You haven’t been avoiding me, have you?”

I feel Ellen’s eyes on me as I look nervously up at Erwin, “Y-yes... wait, N-no, I - I mean... you know, I just- sort, well... umm.. it’s comp-, umm.. bye.” I stutter as I quickly zip away to another part of the room.

I can hear Hange laughing as I make my way toward a table that seemed to have drinks on it. Is that alcohol? Perfect, I need it.

I reach for one of the glass when Ellen catches up to me, “Okay,” She pants from chasing after me, “Come on, you have to explain that. What the hell is wrong?”

“Things have gotten a little complicated between us,” I mumble as I lift the glass to my lips and down it in one large gulp, “Well, the 3 of us really.”

“Captain Levi too, right?” She smacks my hand away as I try to reach for another glass of wine, “You have those 2 men and you’re acting like this?”

“Our relationship was supposed to be just physical,” I say to her, “But now there are feelings involved and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“Well how do you feel?” Ellen prompts me to continue.

“I-“ I’m cut off as Ellen yells surprise to a very startled looking Peter who just rounded the corner... Well she could have coordinated that better... Is this her first time planning a surprise party?

“Ellen, what the hell?” He grumbled in surprise, “What is this?”

“Surprise birthday party!” Ellen replied happily, “Look who I brought! And I didn’t even have to bribe her!” She gestures toward me and sighs when I sneak another full glass of wine down my throat.

“Happy Birthday, Peter,” I greet him politely, “You’ve... aged.”

“Gee thanks,” He smiles at me, “Another one?” He offers me another glass of wine.

“Yes please!” I warm to him immediately and smile sweetly at him as I take the glass from him.

“Don’t enable her!” Ellen scolds Peter, “She has to learn how to deal with her issues like an adult.”

I was painfully aware there were more people closing in around me, getting closer to Peter so they could wish him a happy birthday. The crowd was getting thick, and if I got out I didn’t think I would be able to get back in for more wine. How else am I going to get through this night?

I feel a large hand on my shoulder, making me jump, “I love when your hair is pulled up, and how nervous I can still make you feel.” Erwin comments quietly to me, making my face heat up again, but also giving me shivers.

Peter notes the empty glass in my hand, pulls it out and offers me another one. He can definitely tell how overwhelmed I am.

“Stop it, Peter!” Ellen protests again, “If you want to give her something, give her some sweets I made. They are at the other table and less harmful than over consuming alcohol.”

“Thanks, but I don’t really eat sweets much.” I admit to her.

Peter furrows his eyebrows at me as Ellen gasped at my admission, “Really?” Peter smirks, “Because I seem to remember a situation where Ellen gave you sweets once, you said you took them to be polite. And I did remember you telling me you didn’t really like sweets, so I ate the sweets a few days later. Thinking you would be happy that the burden of eating them was off your shoulders, I told you and then you punched me in the face.”

I hear laughter around us as I recall the incident in question, “Nuh uh!” I argue, “I object to that! It wasn’t a punch, my palm was open and flat!”

“Oh! Cause a slap is so much better?” He asks.

“I didn’t slap you, I gestured aggressively and your face got in the way!” I continue, “I was just trying to express my discontent for you eating my sweets when it was, ‘that time of the month’, which is the only time I like sweets. And if the court will review your statement, I told you I didn’t really like sweets, but I didn’t tell you I wouldn’t eat those sweets! And also, I can’t be held accountable for what I do to you if you piss me off when I’m in that state!”

“And I was just supposed to know that?!”

“... Yeah!” I’m in too deep and stubborn to admit I was in the wrong now.

“Peter!” I hear a woman’s voice in the crowd, “There you are!”

I see a rather tall woman with collar bone length sandy coloured curly hair, bouncing as she came closer. Warm brown eyes shining as she smiles brightly at Peter.

“(Y/n)!” She leans down in front of me to give me hug, “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you! I’m so happy you’re here! How are you?”

“Hi Grace,” I return Peter’s girlfriend’s hug, “I’ve been fine thank you, have you been well?”

“Of course!” She straightens herself up and stands next to Peter to hold onto his arm. They really do make a great couple, you can really see the admiration they have for each other. It’s a shame it took them so long to get together, I guess I am partly to blame for that, but better late than never.

I wonder if Grace ever knew about what Peter was really up to when he worked exclusively for Laurie... Did she ever have a clue..

I shake my head, stop thinking about stuff like that (y/n). I try to duck away from the crowd as Peter, Grave and Ellen start up a conversation, I’m feeling pretty claustrophobic.

Erwin seems to notice and he clears a way for my escape. Once I’m released from the group of people. I head over to a mostly empty table where I see Ellen’s husband, Paul, sitting.

“Hey,” I smile at him, “Isn’t this weird for you?” I point over at the crowd around Ellen and Peter.

He returns my smile, “No, she’s only being supportive. I can understand where she is coming from, he’s been wanting this for a long time now.”

“What do you mean?” I sit down and furrow my brows at him. It’s a birthday party... What’s so special about it?

“I think Ellen would kill me if I told you before she announces it.” He laughs.

What is going on? What is this big announcement about Peter they are talking about? It’s making me more and more anxious. Is it something to do with work? Why else would Ellen invite scouts to this thing?

It’s something Peter hasn’t told me about. Is that because he is afraid to approach me because of our recent history? Or is it something he specifically doesn’t want me to know? It would explain why Ellen decided to do this as a surprise party. If she approached him about having a party to announce something about him, he would have shut it down.

“(Y/n),” I feel a shiver up my spine when I hear Erwin’s deep voice say my name, “May I have a word? If you feel you’re done avoiding me, of course. Plus, I did help you escape the crowd after all.”

I take Paul’s glass of wine and down it, I can’t be sober for any of this, “Okay, let’s talk.”

“Sit here,” Paul chuckles, “I need to get another drink anyway.” He gets up and makes his way over to where his wife and Peter are.

“What would you like to talk about? Shall we start off with a pallet cleanser? What are your thoughts on the weather?” I joke.

“How have you been?” He asks me, blue eyes studying my body language carefully.

“I’ve been well,” I assure him, “I can speak like a normal human now.”

“I did notice that,” He smiles, “Have we warmed up enough for the question you know is coming next?”

“Nope.”

“Sucks for you,” He chuckles, “Tell me what is going on.”

“Erwin, you know how I feel about you.”

“I have my suspicions,” He admits, “But I need you to tell me outright.”

“Of course I feel the same way about you, Erwin. But you also know that I have feelings for Levi too.” I answer him quietly.

He nodded, “I’m aware, it’s complicated and I understand that. I just want you to talk to me, you don’t have to hide from me, ‘ _You can say anything to me_ ,’” Erwin finishes by quoting from me before he confessed that night.

I’m a bit startled when I hear whistles and applause erupt around Peter, “No!” I hear Ellen’s annoyed voice, “You were supposed to let me do it!” A bunch of people were raising their glasses to them and patting him on the back.

I see Peter try to shush Ellen, what is going on over there? What did he say? I see quite a few people start to excuse themselves, most of them being scouts. We are all on high alert and busy so it makes sense for most of them to not stay for too long. I only arrived not that long ago, but they have probably been here for awhile already.

Peter plagues my mind again. My stomach feels unsettled by this whole party, and I can’t get my mind off of it now. Maybe it’s the influence of alcohol setting in already, making me feel more paranoid. But I feel like I want to talk about it. Because I can’t get this feeling to go away, and I trust Erwin.

My face must have indicated that I was troubled, because Erwin grabbed my hand to get my attention, “What’s on your mind?”

I feel my hand start to tremor, my legs haven’t started giving out on me again... Yet. But that probably isn’t far behind. I look up sadly at Erwin, knowing my health is gong to start rapidly declining again. Maybe it’s selfish of me to tell Erwin about my feelings for him, won’t that make everything worse when I die?

I’ve already told him how I feel though, it’s too late now. Should I run? No, that will make things even worse.

“Erwin-“

“(Y/n)!” I hear Ellen call to me, “Come on, they are serving dinner!”

I didn’t even notice that there was food being brought in from the kitchens to the Mess Hall. Ellen is gesturing to an empty spot at the table she was at with Peter sitting at the head.

Ellen was between Grace and Paul, and Grace was sitting next to Peter. I see Hange waving at Erwin and I, gesturing toward 2 empty seats next to her. I recognize some of the faces around the table, there were a couple nurses from the hospital wings, and his private practice.

Some I don’t recognize, I just offer small polite smiles to them as I walk by and take a seat on the other side of Peter, across from Grace. Hange starts chatting with Erwin, going over the experiments we did today with Eren.

“(Y/n),” I turn to look at Peter as he says my name. I raise my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to continue. His hazel eyes are wide as he studied my face, why does he look so scared? Weren’t people just congratulating him?

“What?” I prompt him when he doesn’t continue.

“No! Don’t you dare, Peter!” Ellen screeches from beside Grace on the other side of the table, “You told everyone else quietly and behind my back, I’ll be the one to tell (y/n)!”

“Ellen, please-“ Peter pleads.

“(Y/n),” Ellen ignores Peter’s protests and just focuses on me, “As you may have guessed, Peter has some big news.”

I look at Peter, but he refuses to look at me this time, I can see his hands start to shake. He seems to be frozen in place, legs not allowing him to get up and leave.

“Oh! That’s right, sorry Commander Erwin,” Ellen includes Erwin into the conversation as well, “This may be a bit short on notice, but you may have to find a new physician for the scouts.”

“Is that so?” Erwin responds, “Where will my current physician be?”

“He’s moving all the way up,” Ellen said excitedly, “To the highest position for a doctor actually, head physician in the capital!”

I freeze as people congratulate Peter again, some of them hold their glasses up and toast to his good fortune. But the news hits a different emotion within me.

“What?” I ask, shock overtaking my body. I couldn’t have heard that correctly...

“The capital, (y/n),” Ellen laughs, “He got asked to work at the main hospital in the capital! Aren’t you proud of him? Most doctors would kill for that position!”

‘Kill’ indeed. I look at Peter again, he still refuses to look at me, “Peter,” I whisper to him, “She’s joking, right?”

“Why would I kid about something like that? Peter, I told you not to let her drink.” Ellen didn’t understand why I wasn’t jumping for joy with her news. But I don’t, I’m angry. This can’t be true. No.

Erwin senses the anger build in me and I can feel him put a comforting hand on my back. He must sense something big is coming, something I can’t hold back anymore.

“How?” I ask through gritted teeth.

Peter wouldn’t answer me, or couldn’t answer me, instead Ellen did, “Well, originally Harvey Banning was rumoured to be a shoo-in for his research on cancer treatments. But after what happened at his announcement party, he has been keeping a low profile. So that gave Peter the opportunity to offer up his own research. Isn’t that great?”

“Thought you adored Banning, Ellen.” Hange giggled.

“I did,” She admitted, “But he was up to a lot of shady things if a group from the underground was targeting him.”

I thought back to how Peter reacted when he mentioned hearing about Banning’s party, when I visited him after I spoke with Katrina. When I went to confront him, when I found out the truth. It seemed like years ago now, but I’ll never forget how pleased he looked when he mentioned what happened at that party... He relished the thought of Banning falling from grace.

Was he happy because he knew that gave him an opportunity to take the position Banning had been working for? I don’t know what kind of stuff they do at the hospital in the capital, but it’s in the capital... Everything in that place is corrupt and disgusting.

... The formula he gave me in the hospital.. Could that have been what he presented as his ‘research’ for them? Is that why he was so insistent that I stay in the hospital...? So he could see what would happen to me...

If he works in the capital he has full control over a lot of projects. He can experiment to his leisure, no one is going to stop him there. He will be untouchable.

“Why?” I ask him quietly, interrupting a conversation between Hange and Ellen. I could still feel Erwin’s eyes on me, hand still resting on my back.

“(Y/n), please just,” Peter finally spoke.

“Did you tell them what your research was based on?” I could feel the anger reach a boiling point in me. He lied to me again. Why else would he want to work in the capital? He never stopped. That’s why he was so happy when Banning’s party went to shit, as well as his reputation. He was so angry when he expressed Banning’s research was his too, angry he didn’t get the recognition for his ‘hard work’ that Banning received. Now, in his opinion, he has surpassed Banning, is that what he wanted all along?

I can’t let him get away with this. I won’t stand by and listen to people congratulate his and other’s selfish pursuits of experimentation on innocent people.

“You modified it, or you somehow got your hands on another fresh sample, and used that on me when I was unconscious. You did it so you could see if it worked as well as the other one, or how differently it performed, didn’t you? You wouldn’t have asked me to stay in the hospital for as long as you did after I woke up, because you dosed me before and knew what would happen. But this time it was different, a different formula, different things you had to look out for, right?”

“It’s meant to surround malignant cells and stop them from spreading to other tissues.” He replied quietly, so only I could hear, “I thought you may have a brain bleed, I took the opportunity to see how it would perform on that type of damaged tissue.”

So it is true. His primary reason for dosing me again was to experiment on me once again. Not to wake me up to see my mother one more time, but to see how far he could push my body once again. He’s trying to hide behind his noble facade to treat cancer, but his foundation is built upon the suffering and the secrets of evil people. I won’t let this continue, I had a chance to expose him before and I didn’t. I won’t accept it this time.

“You had no proof it would work for that. You don’t even have any proof it would work in a normal human who doesn’t have titan spinal fluid running in their veins. You don’t have one success story with a normal consenting human with no mutated cells, do you?”

“No.” He agreed.

I could feel all eyes on us, confused at how angry and hostile I seemed to be. I grab the closest full glass of wine and downed it, “I guess you really are Banning, huh?”

“(Y/n), let me explain-“

“No, I let you talk your way out of this shit last time, no more.”

“(Y/n)-“

“Did you tell them how you came to your conclusions? Did you tell anybody about the lives you wasted? Are you going to tell them why they were so eager to hire you? Because you’re still on the same level as Laurie. You pretend you’re better than them, but you are just as involved as they are, and continue to be. That’s why they hired you isn’t it? 100 successful stories wouldn’t get just anybody that job. Only a recommendation from someone like Laurie, who’s prize pony can’t compete, so he has to pick another, and that’s how you got the position. Am I right?”

Peter is silent, and that says everything. I’m blinded by my anger at this point. My only goal is to make people see who he really is. I feel betrayed, I feel lied to, I feel used and manipulated. The pain is worse than any physical pain I have ever experienced.

“(Y/n), what’s going on?” Ellen asks me tentatively.

“Peter has been helping Laurie and Banning with experiments for years. Experiments that have killed and mutilated countless lives that have been forgotten by this world. Experiments from people playing god and covering up a truth you could never imagine in your wildest nightmares. Experiments that killed my mother,” I finally take my eyes off of Peter to look at Ellen, “He killed Mac and the results of the experiments he did on my mother, is killing me too. The illness my mother has was a lie, a lie to cover what was really wrong with her, and I was handed a death sentence the minute I was born.”

There was nothing but stunned silence around the table, shock could be seen on everyone’s face. I take a pause to grab Peter’s glass of wine, “Cheers!” I smile cynically around the table and chug the glass of wine, “Congratulations Peter, you’ll be officially working exclusively in the capital full time. I guess that’s why you were avoiding helping me with my memory, huh? Would have been a shame if I did remember everything huh? It would have ruined your chances to get your foot in the door. But this is good, you’ll be there too when I finally do remember and expose everything you and your sick colleagues have been up to. I don’t care who believes me right now, I’ll find the proof.”

I could hear footsteps walking into the Mess Hall, echoing loudly because of how quiet it is now, “Sorry we’re late.” It was Moblit and Levi. Perfect timing.

“Umm,” Moblit looks nervously around the room, “What’s happened?” I’m sure the thing that shocks him the most is seeing Hange also in a state of stunned silence. Even Levi raises his eyebrows at the weird atmosphere.

“Oh,” I greet them politely, “Peter got a prestigious job in the capital!”

“Yes, I heard,” Moblit smiles at Peter, “Congratulations.”

“Oh, wait for it, there’s more.” I smile and sit back in my seat, “Go on, Peter. Explain.”


	46. Chapter 46: Incommode

Your POV

"What's (y/n) talking about, Peter?" It was Ellen who was the first one to speak after I sat down. Looking around at the rest of the group, everyone seemed to be in a state of shock. I was a little surprised at myself as well though. It's not like I came into this wanting to expose Peter. But I'm just at the point now where I need to get everything out there.

"What she's saying," Peter pauses as he tries to find the right words to explain himself, "What she means..."

"Peter, what's going on?" Grace asks him quietly. I didn't even think how this would affect Grace. I feel bad for that, but not for putting Peter on the spot.

Peter almost looks like he is not able to answer, his mouth remains open but no words are coming out. I'm sure he is unsure about how he is going to get himself out of this one.

"Wait," Grace interrupts Peter's thoughts before he could find the right words, "Peter, you don't have to answer her, it's okay."

"Like hell he doesn't." Erwin growled darkly as he glares at him. I've never seen Erwin this angry before, he looks like he is going to snap Peter's neck.

"(Y/n)," Ellen turns to me, "What's going on?"

"Peter can answer that better than I can." I answer her simply as I settle down in my seat, waiting for Peter to nut up and explain himself.

"What happened?" Levi asked as he came up behind me, "Are you okay?"

Oh yeah, I guess he hasn't been here the whole time. He and Moblit only just came into this weird scenario, I'm sure it's very confusing.

"I don't know, Peter," He jerks his head in my direction, "Answer Levi's question."

"Is it true that (y/n)'s mother wasn't actually sick?" Hange asks him, trying to prompt him to continue. I'm surprised she has stayed pretty silent up until this point, "It wasn't an illness, it was something else that killed her?"

After another long and uncomfortable silence, Peter finally speaks up again, "Yes, it's true."

"What was it then?" She narrows her eyes at him.

"She suffered from side effects of experiments that were performed on her in the capital." Peter finally admits.

It was hard for me to stay in my seat. But regardless, I try to keep myself calm, I want to see if Peter has anything new to say. I can also make sure he doesn't withhold certain truths, I need to make sure he tells the truth. So I have to keep myself in check.

"Stop stalling, Peter," I let out a frustrated sigh when he falls silent again, "Tell them."

It was dead silent around the table, anticipating Peter's explanation for my strange behaviour. Grace nervously bit at her lip, trying to hold back tears. It must be tough for her to see Peter on the spot like this.

Ellen looks angry, her face was red and her hands were clinging onto the table. Kind of like she is trying desperately to keep herself in her seat. This has to be pretty hard on her too, she has been one of his biggest supporters, regardless of how their marriage went south.

Hange was leaning back a bit like me, waiting for Peter to continue. It's weird seeing her sit so quietly with such a serious look on her face.

Erwin had removed his hand from my back and rested it on the table so he could lean forward more. His icy blue eyes were staring daggers at Peter, he also seemed to be struggling to hold himself back from punching Peter.

I could feel Levi's menacing presence behind me. He may not have been a part of the conversation leading up to this point, but he knows something bad has been happening and it involves me. That's all he seemed to need to know.

"When I was younger, Dr. Banning saw a lot of potential in me and decided to take me on as his apprentice in the capital. That's around the time when I met (y/n)'s mother. Pearson already had her in his custody because she apparently had knowledge of some classified information." Peter reluctantly started to explain.

"What kind of information?" Hange asked.

"I don't know-"

"Don't try and bullshit us," Erwin snarled at him, "What did she know?" It's not like Erwin to not keep his composure when he is around others, it took me by surprise a little bit.

"I don't know," Peter repeated, "I didn't need to know that information, so they didn't tell me. Myself and Banning had to try and figure out a way to make her forget this information. Typically, if someone found out classified information they would just be killed. But her husband was David Sanderson, a very important confidant to Pearson, so he couldn't kill her. If he had, Pearson would have lost a lot of money and status. So Banning and I were tasked to come up with a solution, short of locking her up."

I look sadly at Erwin, who's eyes are locked on Peter. His father was killed because he had information he wasn't supposed to have. This must strike a nerve with him as well.

At least so far he seems to be telling the truth, but I guess he kind of has to because I am here. Well, he can only tell the story he already told me, otherwise I would call him out on it.

"There was an existing template detailing how to make certain formulas involving titan spinal fluid, and techniques for erasing memories in people." Peter continued.

"I'm sorry, what?" Hange responds.

"It's possible to take away one's memories if you know how. We tried that on (y/n)'s mother. But that particular formula wasn't consistent. We had to keep administering the dose and keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't remember what we made her forget." Peter explained.

"... How did you even get access to titan spinal fluid?" Hange furrows her brows at him, "You've never come with us out on expeditions."

"I didn't have to," Peter mumbled, "People were either bribed or taken from the underground and were sent out with MP escorts to get samples. It wasn't ideal, it only worked about 15% of the time. They were promised citizenship above ground if they completed their tasks."

I haven't heard about that part yet. So they weren't just recruited to work for Laurie, they were also taken to be sent out beyond the walls to get samples for him.. With the promise of a better life. Thinking about it is making me feel sick.

"No way," I cut in, "There is no way Laurie would agree to something like that. He wouldn't just help them get citizenship, they would have known too much."

Peter nodded grimly at me, "You're right, he didn't. For the very few people that were successful, they were killed so they wouldn't tell anyone what they were asked to do."

Yep, that sounds more like Laurie. I feel a deep sadness well up in me, sad for those people who wanted an opportunity to give themselves and their families a better life. Only to be thrown to the titans, and if they made it back, against all odds, they would be killed anyway. I know the majority of people in the underground want me dead because of my father, but that doesn't stop me from feeling outraged for them.

"We weren't able to make a synthetic substitute for the spinal fluid, so we had no choice but to get it the hard way." Peter continued when he thought I wasn't going to respond.

"Oh fuck off, Peter," I raise my voice, "Of course you had a choice, you could have not fucking done it!" I'm getting more and more frustrated, finding it hard to stay in my seat.

"I won't make excuses for myself. Yes, I did participate and actively contributed to this." Peter says as he stares down at his hands on the table.

"What does that have to do with (y/n)?" Erwin questioned him next, growing impatient.

"I'm getting to that," He replies quietly, "Banning had been working on a few different projects with titan spinal fluid. He had been working on a more targeted and effective way of erasing memories. So we had to perfect a combination that would work with her mother. Titan spinal fluid is hard to explain because it varies from titan to titan depending on size, speed, if they are normal or abnormal, and the effects work differently on everyone. The effects typically range from bad to really bad, but when it works, it can be very beneficial. Banning and I developed a combination that when used in the right way could erase targeted memories. It's a delicate balance of destroying certain parts of the brain without causing too much damage."

"I'm sorry," I interrupt, "But I haven't heard you mention the people who's brains and bodies you did destroy to get the intended result. Or were you hoping to omit that little tidbit of information?"

"Yes," He meets my (e/c) eyes with his hazel ones, "Collateral damage-"

"COLLATERAL-" No, don't interrupt him, (y/n). Let him finish, you can punch him and yell at him later.

Peter pauses just in case I wanted to continue on with my little outburst, but when I hold myself back he continues.

"Laney's husband gave us permission to administer the treatment. To not draw any suspicions about her altered state, he told their children that she had a rare genetic disease that her father also suffered from. Comparatively speaking, the result was a success, for the most part. But it wasn't a permanent solution, it temporarily erased those memories. We had to do periodic follow ups with her to make sure they stayed buried. But it was becoming clear that the doses were having adverse side effects on her." Peter pauses again and looks over at me.

Maybe he wants to give me the opportunity to explain it because the problems are effecting me. But it's not up to me explain it, he can better than I can.

"She began developing mainly somatic nervous issues, most prominently were the tremors she experienced. She developed mood swings and other issues with controlling her emotions. Ultimately pneumonia killed her because the treatments were starting to attack her brain stem, which compromised the regular functioning of her lungs." Peter explained.

"What does it have to do with (y/n)?" Levi growled at him this time, also growing more and more impatient like Erwin.

"Laney was originally released back to her husband, but she tried to run away with (y/n)'s father. David sent her back to Pearson in hopes we could erase her memories of Seth as well. It was during this time we found she was pregnant. We theorized that the results of the experiments had the potential to be inherited by the child, but we didn't know for sure. They were just guesses based on no evidence."

He's avoiding talking about me for a long as he can. Prolonging the inevitable outbursts he is going to receive from Erwin and Levi.

"She was able to escape from us, and she ran away with (y/n)'s father, Seth. We were eventually able to track her down in the underground years later, after she had (y/n). We were ordered not to tell David when he found her, Pearson wanted to continue monitoring her without David stopping him. Banning went down there to continue injecting her to make sure she didn't get her memories back. But because of that, she continued to decline faster. On one of his visits he told me he noticed that (y/n), when she was around 11, started experiencing tremors. So we were able to confirm that Laney's treatments were damaging enough to effect her DNA, passing on those damaging side effects to (y/n)."

Whoop! There it is! I could see Erwin's hand laying on the table, clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. I didn't have to look behind me at Levi to know how he felt, his menacing presence was damn near palpable.

"Since she started experiencing side effects early in life," Peter continued, trying not to meet Erwin or Levi's gaze, "Her condition is worse and destroys her faster. When Laney was at a point where she could no longer care for herself, Pearson showed a great interest in (y/n) and demanded she be sent to him. We knew, judging by how fast (y/n) was declining from when she was 11 to when she turned 13, she didn't have that long to live. So Pearson tasked us with experimenting and keeping her alive. We had to use different samples and different catalysts so she wouldn't actually turn fully into a titan-"

"Wait," Hange gasped, distracted by this little bit of information, "You can turn people into titans with titan spinal fluid?!"

"Yes and no, sometimes they will turn into regular mindless titans, or it will mutate their body in some way. Our theory was that since (y/n) was born with small traces of this formula that contained titan spinal fluid, she would have a more positive reaction with the new formula. But we had to be careful not to give her too much, lest an overdose causes her to turn into a titan or cause her to have other mutations." Peter explains to Hange.

"Cooool!" I swoon sarcastically, resting my chin in my hands, "Moblit! I hope you're taking notes!"

"We have been able to balance everything out for her in the past," Peter continued, "But she has been getting worse," Peter says as he looks at me, "She won't let me administer anymore injections since she found out-"

"Don't you dare!" I jump up from my seat and slam my fist on the table, "Don't even try to manipulate them into being on your side! You're taking the focus off of you and putting it on me! Don't pretend to care about my well being just so you can avoid scrutiny!"

"I do care, (y/n)!" Peter stood up as well, "That's why I'm explaining everything I can!"

"You don't care about me! You care about the research and proving that you're better than Banning! My mother was just someone you were tasked with, because Banning was onto other things. And you only took me in to keep me away from Banning and because you felt bad that you got Mac killed!" I argue back.

"That's not the full truth and-"

"You got Malcolm killed?" Ellen interrupted him this time, speaking up for the first time in awhile.

"Indirectly." Peter muttered to her.

"Oh, come on, Peter! Give yourself some credit!" I say sarcastically, "It was pretty direct, you exploited his weakness, me. _'Oh Mac, (y/n)'s dying because I couldn't leave well enough alone. If you don't head into certain death she will never be saved! Don't you love her, Mac? Don't you want to save her?_ ' Or something along those lines."

"I didn't force him, I gave him a choice-"

"You told him my life depending on it, didn't you?!"

"Of course I did. I wouldn't lie to him about that-"

"Because that would be immoral, right?! Who do you think you are? Just deciding everything for me, I should have a say in this, damnit! You guys should have left me to fucking die in those bushes, my life isn't worth the sacrifice you made other people make!"

"It's always going to come back to this, isn't it?" Peter smiles sadly, looking down at his hands again.

"Yeah, you know what? It fucking does," I can feel a crazy smile on my face, "It's like you're acting like you didn't do anything wrong, like I should be grateful to you. It's like you want this badge of honour for what you've done. Well if you're so honourable, why don't you try it? Get your formula, stick out your arm, I'll inject you and let's see what happens!"

Peter sighs and looks back up at me. I shift my weight so I could stand, Erwin puts his hand gently on my shoulder. But I shrug him off and get closer to Peter.

"I trusted you, Peter," I can feel angry tears burn at the corner of my eyes, "I trusted you more than anyone else, and you played off of that and used it against me."

"I did it to save your your life, (y/n)-"

"YOU HAVEN'T HAD TO SUFFER ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! LET ALONE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, BUT EVERYBODY ELSE WHO YOU CONDEMNED BECAUSE OF A SITUATION YOU FORCED MY MOTHER AND I INTO! YOU PUT THAT ON ME!"

"You're right, 'it would have been better to watch you die,' is that what you want me to say?! Well I won't! Do you want me to feel bad?! I feel bad that you feel this way, but I don't regret saving you! Not for one second!" Peter fought back.

"Why the fuck do you care so much now? I'm not your daughter, your sister, your girlfriend, I'm not anything to you anymore! I'm not your family, I'm not in love with you, or feel any kind of friendship toward you. So why do you care? Just so you can observe how much I suffer?" I was lashing out, I know it. But I'm angry, and I'm letting him have it.

"Because I love you, idiot! You woke me up, you changed me for the better, because of you I was finally able to let things go and be with the woman I've loved since I was young," He says, gesturing next to him to Grace, "I love you, you're like family to me!"

I can feel another sad smile on my face, "Yet you betrayed me."

"We aren't getting anywhere like this," I hear Levi's monotone voice behind me as he lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder and turns to Erwin, "Find out everything you can, we aren't going to learn everything if she keeps interrupting like a brat."

I see hints of jealousy flash in Erwin’s eyes before he nodded and focused his attention back on Peter. I struggle against Levi’sgrip but he has me tightly, "Stop struggling, brat," He grunts, "You're being too disruptive."

I give up and allow him to take me away from the Mess Hall and toward the dorms.

**Erwin's POV**

It's been very difficult to keep my composure right now, but I need to get answers from Peter and it's difficult to do that with (y/n) here. I finally have an opportunity to find out more about her condition, this is my chance to figure out a way to help her.

"So you and Banning developed a formula, using titan spinal fluid, to keep the titan spinal fluid already in her system from killing her?" I ask Thompson.

"Essentially, yes," He replies, "It is not a permanent solution. She needs periodic injections to keep her from experiencing the side effects. For her it is tremors, muscles in her legs atrophying, which in turn weakens the muscles, causing them to give up from under her without warning. Her mother had only just started experiencing that just before she died. She has not gone past those stages yet thanks to the treatment, but it gets more complicated because we also had to work to prevent her organs from shutting down."

What? Just when I think it can't get any worse. How has she been keeping this to herself? How have I not noticed? Well that's not entirely true, I knew about the tremors and how worried she was about getting diagnosed with the same thing her mother had. She must have been terrified when she found out the truth... So I guess that is why she was acting strangely around Thompson. But why didn't she say anything? Why didn't she expose him sooner?

"I thought (y/n)'s mother died from pneumonia," Hange commented thoughtfully, "Is organ failure unique to (y/n)'s condition?"

Thompson shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly this topic was even more concerning for him... Why would that be? What could be worse than what was already explained?

"When (y/n) was around 15 or 16 she was requested by a very high ranking noble in the capital. I don't know the full story about what happened, but she was beaten half to death and dumped behind some bushes where she was left for dead."

My clenched fist tightens even more when I hear that. If only I could track down those men and get my hand on them. Whoever did that to her is a dead man. I can't picture her alone and dying behind a bush, wondering if she was going to live or die. It makes my chest hurt if I think about it. Why? Why would someone do that?"

"Why?" Hange was the one who asked the question, she looked deeply disturbed like everyone else around the table. Even the people who were here just for Peter seemed very uncomfortable around him now.

"I can only speculate," Thompson continued, "But it's safe to assume she snooped for too long, and found out a bit too much. From the state she was in when she was found, she should have died hours before she was found. But the titan spinal fluid was keeping her alive, however, as I said, it is not a permanent solution."

"How did you keep her alive then, after that?" I asked him.

"We needed a different formula from her original one. The ones we injected her with previously were just to stop the progression of the side effects temporarily and stops it from progressing. We needed something that could keep her alive by replacing damaged tissue. The effects of titan spinal fluid don't last forever, as I said, it wears off and must be replaced. So we modified the formula, tested it and gave the end result to (y/n)."

"Does she remember what happened to her?" Hange inquired quietly.

"No," He shifted uncomfortably again, "We made sure she wouldn't remember it so we wouldn't have to kill her for knowing too much."

"You would have killed her if she remembered?" I ask him through clenched teeth, it takes a lot of self control for me to not wring his neck right now. But I finally have the opportunity to get some answers, there is time for wringing necks later.

"We were able to put up a barrier of sorts in her mind. If she gets close to remembering the truth, she will experience unbearable pain."

"And how did you accomplish that?" I growl at him, even though I already had a good Idea on what the answer would be, and it make me feel sick.

"Extreme forms of torture when she was asked questions about what she knew. She resisted for a long time, it was very difficult taking memories from her."

Before I could get up, Ellen got to him first. She slapped him hard, the sound of it seems to reverberate off the walls.

"How could you?" She spoke barely above a whisper.

"I didn't participate in that part," Thompson says, rubbing his cheek, "I helped develop the formula and injected them into her. I didn't torture her, Banning and Pearson worked on that."

"And that makes it better?" She replies in disbelief, "You are just as responsible!"

"I know."

"What about when (y/n) mentioned you gave her another shot when she was in her coma. Did you really think this 'hybrid Banning formula,' was going to help wake her up?" Hange asked, resting her elbows on the table.

He didn't answer right away, embarrassed by the answer no doubt, "No, not really."

"So why?" Ellen pressed.

"I needed to see how it worked. This formula is supposed to target cancer cells and destroy them, as well as create a protective barrier over the area where the cancer originated from. Thus, preventing future cancer cells from metastasizing to other areas of the body." He explained.

"Did you choose cancer because that is what Harvey was working on?" Ellen asked.

"... Yes."

"Well, aren't you noble," Ellen laughed sarcastically, "You used his foundation so you could pull one over on him?"

"What does it matter how I came to my conclusions," He challenged her, "It doesn't mean my research isn't valid."

"Gee, maybe it's the fact that you tested everything out on people who are forced to be there." She fought back.

"Sometimes sacrifices must be made." He replied cooly.

"Who are you? Seriously, what gives you the right to take people out of their lives and force them to suffer for your benefit?"

"It isn't for nothing! I've always wanted to be the person who can make a difference, and I can! If I go to the capital, continue my work, take their grants, I can do what I've always set out to!" He said defiantly.

"Have you had any success with anyone who isn't (y/n) or her mother?" Ellen demands.

Thompson falls silent again, "Aha, so tell me, Peter, how is working in the capital going to give you what you want? If you've been working on your research for all these years, what do you have to show for it?"

"I've kept (y/n) alive," He points out, "If it weren't for my help with Banning she wouldn't be alive today! She's my success, she's my proof that I can make the impossible happen, she keeps me going! I haven't tested my formula on any person since I took her from Banning and Pearson. She motivated me to do more, to push farther and save lives!"

"So you gave her your 'modified formula,' and waited to see what it would do? You hadn't tested it out before, how did you know it wouldn't kill her? Then bam! You would have killed your miracle! Congratulations! ‘Sorry guys, I have to make an update to my resume. Remember the girl I built all my success on, yeah she’s dead, my bad’, I mean, what the fuck, Peter?”

"I knew it wouldn't kill her, the only thing it did was affect her speech! Which means my theory about the formula creating barriers is more than likely correct! I only gave her a tiny dose, the barrier slowly dissolves and her speech slowly got better! It targeted her brain stem, giving her trouble with her breathing when she was trying to speak!"

"How do you know?!" She screamed at him, "Based on what evidence?! What you explained isn't definitive proof! How do you know she didn't just have some residual bleeding left from her fall and it just resolved itself?!"

"I just know, Ellen!"

"Spoken like a true doctor," She scoffed, "'I just know,' what the hell, Peter? And so what if you're theory is correct about your formula, you still have no proof it will work on a normal human being, which, I might add, is your intended demographic!"

"That's why I need to go to the capital, Ellen! They have technology I can use to help me figure out how to use it in normal humans!"

I don't like this, the way he talks about her right now is as if she were a means to an end. I won't allow him to speak about (y/n) like that. I'm about to speak up when Hange beats me to it.

"There is something I can't quite figure out," Hange interrupted their argument, "How did you get samples in the past?"

Thompson has already been over this, what is she doing?

"People from the underground," Peter sighs in frustration, "I already told you that."

"Yes," Hange nodded, "So why did you ask, (y/n)'s late husband to get it for you? Why not just grab someone else from Pearson. You do still work for him after all."

She raises a good point. I've been too busy thinking about (y/n) that I haven't really been thinking about anything else involving his story.

"I couldn't have Pearson know I had such a close connection with (y/n). I needed someone who I had confidence and skills to get the sample, so I needed a scout. I needed Malcolm specifically because he would have done anything to keep her safe, and that was paramount for the success of the mission. I knew it was about the time she would start experiencing the side effects, I had to make my own sample for her. If I hadn't she would have had to be sent back to Pearson, and I wouldn't have been able to take her away from there a second time. I know she would have rather died than let Malcolm do such a dangerous thing, so I had to in order to keep her safe."

"But you didn't get the sample, because he died trying to get it, correct?" I remind him, believing I know where Hange is going with her question.

"Correct." Thompson replied stiffly.

"So how did you get your hands on another sample?" I press.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, what is he hiding now? After being so candid about what has been going on with (y/n) and why she has been upset with him... Why hold back now?

"Did you turn someone into a titan and extract their spinal fluid?" Hange offered.

"No," Thompson said quietly, "We tried that on a couple people who ended up turning. For reasons that are unclear, it didn't work. The spinal fluid of the titans outside the walls are the only ones that yield results, the ones who have been wandering aimlessly around for decades."

"So how did you get more titan spinal fluid?" Hange asked again.

I started tapping my foot impatiently as he falls silent again. I can practically see the wheels in his head turning, trying to think of an explanation for how he got those samples. I just need him to hurry the fuck up and tell us so I can get to (y/n). I need to see her. I need to make sure she is okay.

"Dr. Thompson," He stiffens in his seat again when I growl his name, "How?"

After another pause he finally answers, "Sawney and Bean."

**Meanwhile..**

**Your POV**

"Levi!" I kept struggling as we made it closer to my room, "Put me down!"

"No." He grunted and held onto me tightly until we reach my door. He opened it swiftly and dropped me onto my bed, "You are in desperate need of a time out. And I can’t go back there right now, if I do I’m going to fucking kill Thompson.”

He walks across the room to close and lock my door before turning his furious gaze on me, "What the fuck is going on?"

"You were there," I mumble, "I'm pretty sure you have a good idea of what's going on."

"How long have you known?"

"... Since we came back from that visit with my mother. Katrina hinted at something and I went to confirm it with Peter." I explain.

"Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"What should I have said, Levi?! 'Thanks for the sex, Levi! By the way, I'm dying! That's all, go enjoy your day!'"

"You should have told me the second you knew! You came to see me after you found out about it! That's why you looked different!"

"Yep."

"... That's all you have to fucking say?!"

"There's nothing else to say that hasn't already been said. I have nothing to add." I shrug.

"So do we have to plan another expedition to get another sample for Thompson? So he can make another dose for you." He says to me, running his fingers nervously through his raven hair while he paced around the room.

"No, he still has a small sample he has saved for me."

Levi narrows his eyes at me and stopped pacing, "Well tell me where the fuck to get it, now!" He demanded.

Did he not listen to that conversation in the Mess Hall? He should already know where I stand on this issue.

"No." I reply.

"What do you mean, 'no'?!"

"No, as in the opposite of yes."

"Stop screwing with me-"

"Why? I thought you loved when I screwed your." I say innocently.

"It's not funny, (y/n)! You're dying!"

"I didn't say it was funny," I mumble, "It's just my reality."

"But it doesn't have to be," He moves to stand in front of me, "There is a syringe filled with something that can help you. So let's go."

"I can't."

"The hell you can't!"

"People died because of this, Levi! You have no idea what people went through just so I could live! I can't live with that! I refuse to continue to be their little subject. Every success Peter has with me is a victory for him, which is a victory for Banning and Laurie. I won't give them the satisfaction of continuing there little tests on me. I'm done being their success story, the one thing they are proud of, proof that they can do whatever they want with no repercussions. But if I die, they don't have me anymore, they will not be able to point at me and say I'm their success story and I can die a happy girl."

There is silence in the room as I can feel Levi's anger building up more and more, "So that's just it? You just give up? Out of fucking spite?!"

"You don't understand, I-"

"No, you don't understand! How do you not get it?! How do I get it through that thick skull of your's?! How the hell can you tell me you've just given up?!"

"I haven't 'given up', I'm not even supposed to still be here," I protest, "I'm just accepting my fate."

"Bullshit!"

"I don't 'want' to die, Levi. The thought scares me, of course. But-"

"That's such a lie! You're not afraid of dying, you're afraid of living! This is just your excuse to check out because you have given up!"

I can't bring myself to say anything else to that. What do I say? How can I make him understand?

"So that's just it, huh? You know what, no, you don't get to do that. I won't allow it."

"What are you talking about?" I squint at him.

"You. Is this what you do? Come into someone's life, break down their walls, make them care and then you just check out on them? No, I won't allow it."

"Levi-"

"Shut up!" He shouted. I've never seen him so angry before, and that's saying something because he always looks angry.

"I could just as easily have died out in the field, what makes this so different?" I grumble, trying to justify my actions to him and to myself.

"You're kidding, right?" He glares at me.

"... That's usually a safe assumption, but... No..?"

"I'm pissed off because you put me in a position I never thought I would be in! You just barged into my life, made me fall in love with you, drop a bomb on me that you're dying and now you won't let me save your fucking life!" He slammed his fist against the wall, making me jump a little.

Uh oh, he said it. I feel my heart race as he yelled his confession at me. Well, I guess if Levi were going to confess to someone, I definitely pictured it would be him yelling it.

The thought made me giggle... Oops, bad timing.

"What the hell are you laughing at?!"

"I was just thinking it is very much on brand for you to confess to someone by yelling at them." I admit.

Levi gave me an angry confused look at first, but he must have finally realized what he said to me. Clearly this wasn't the time or the place he planned on telling me, but it's out there now.

"Shut up!" His angry tone is a little less threatening when I see a small blush form on his face.

We both remain silent for a little bit, me sitting on my bed, him pacing around the room again. Once he seems to calm down a bit he makes his way over to me.

I feel the bed depress a little more as Levi adds his weight to it. Without looking at me he spoke rather softly, "Tell me everything."

And I do, I tell him about my conversation with Peter and what he told me. Even though he already heard most of this from downstairs, but he wanted to hear it from me too. He kept himself quiet and he listened carefully to me.

I told him about the fact that the side effects aren't the only thing that is killing me. Mainly it's the failing organs that will kill me faster when the effects of the most recent dose wear off... Which will probably be soon.

I see Levi's hands are clenched so tightly I think his nails drew some blond on his palms. The story about me getting beaten almost to death seems to have really effected him. It's hard for him to stay still and listen to me, when he wants to run to the capital and torture anyone who may have been involved in doing that to me.

After I finish Levi continues to try and keep his anger at bay, so he could speak to me without yelling, "Who did that to you?"

He's referring to the incident in the capital, "I don't remember," I sigh, "I know it was someone really important. Important enough for people to ignore me and let me die in those bushes. I don't know what I knew, and I don't know who did it."

"Are you afraid if Thompson gives you too many doses you will turn into a titan?" He asks. Levi is trying to rationalize my actions, but that's going to be difficult for him.

"It's not that," I admit, "I'm sure Peter would stop before it came to that."

"Then why?"

"It's... Hard to define."

"Try."

I fall silent again. How do I explain in a way he can understand? Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit, no matter what I say I feel like he will do his best to be understanding.

"I just feel like I'm not worth the sacrifices of all those people. Maybe it would be different if I actually contributed to the betterment of humanity. But I don't really... If anything I made things worse."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't like who I became when I was there. I just got to a point where I didn't care who I had to step on, I used people to get what I wanted. I used my looks to manipulate people to helping me get what I wanted, which was information. The worst part is I can barely remember it. I can remember a few distinct faces, but I don't remember everyone."

I pause to give Levi a chance to cut in if he wanted to, but he remains silent, unwilling to interrupt my chain of thought. So I continue.

"I'm not the only one who doesn't remember them, their own families don't even remember them. Laurie, Banning and Peter. Thanks to their experiments on my mother, they have been able to figure out a way to wipe a person's existence out of everyone's memories. I didn't just affect the individual's life, I affected everyone who knew and loved that person."

"How the hell did they manage that?" He furrows his brows and narrows his eyes.

"I don't know," I shrug, "But they can, and when I think of all the people I've truly hurt for my selfish pursuits, I just can't bring myself to accept another dose to prolong the existence of a person who has caused so much pain."

"That's stupid."

"Thanks." I chuckle.

"No, I'm serious. You're the only person who can make a difference. You can make their sacrifices worth whole. If you just fought-"

"I have been fighting, Levi," I sigh heavily, "I'm tired. Tired of feeling guilty and pain. I'm going to do everything I can to be as useful as possible. But don't ask me to stay, Levi. Please."

"You would let yourself die just to spite them?"

"Yeah, I'm that petty." I push him playfully.

Levi continues to look down at his hands, remaining silent.

"Come on," I smile sadly at him, "You'll survive without me. You guys don't need me, you are going to get through all this bullshit and figure everything out."

"I need you." He mumbled quietly and finally raises his head to look at me again.

No, this is what I was afraid of. I turn my head away from him quickly, not wanting to meet his steel eyes. But he wouldn't have it, he cupped his cold fingers under my chin and turned my head gently to look at him.

"Is that what you would have wanted your husband to say to you if he knew he was going to die? 'You'll survive without me,' like you're not a big deal, like you don't matter. You don't even understand how valuable you are to me. You don't get to just die and think I'm going to allow it." He growls at me.

"You don't have a say, Levi," I narrow my eyes at him, "It's my life and I'm going to-"

I pause as I feel something coming up my throat. I jump off my bed, but I fell over immediately, legs refusing to hold me up. I start coughing and spit up a deep crimson colour onto the floor.

"(Y/n)-" Levi kneels down beside me as I lift up my shirt. I see purple and red bruises on my abdomen, "What the-"

"Levi-" I interrupt him, "Tell Peter to meet me in the hospital wing."

I try to push myself off the ground but my legs still refuse to work, "Fuck! Work!" I shout at my legs as if that would make them actually function.

Levi scooped me up with ease and took off with me toward the hospital wing.

**Meanwhile...**

**Erwin's POV**

Sawney and Bean? Hange's titan subjects that were killed presumably by the girl who turned out to be the female titan?

"How?" Hange was the first one to recover from shock and confusion, "It was Leonhart that killed them."

I'm sure the others not apart of the scouts that were sitting at the table had no idea what we were talking about.

"Yes," Thompson agreed, "She was the one."

"So how did you get a sample?" Hange's tone was growing more and more frustrated.

"There were people in the capital aware that there would be people from outside the walls that would seek to destroy it. When the walls were destroyed by the colossal and armoured titans, there were a lot of discussions on where the culprits would try and blend in. One of the theories was they would try to infiltrate one or all of the military regiments."

"How did you know this?" I interrupted him, "Sounds like highly classified information only top tier personnel would know." He may have been doing very shady secretive experiments, but there is no way the higher ups would let him in on all their classified information.

"I'm a doctor," He answered simply, "Everyone must attend a physical prior to first days of training and recruitment. We were not told too much, but we were asked to keep an eye out for anything strange that would show up on a physical."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, honestly. I did the physicals on Reiner and Bertolt when they joined the scouts. But I found nothing to indicate they were different."

"So how did you know the female titan?" Hange asked impatiently.

"I didn't," Thompson shook his head, "I was told by someone who used to work closely with Pearson. He deduced her identity, I don't know how, but he informed me of her identity."

"And you didn't tell anyone?" I ask him furiously, blood boiling. The damn thing killed many scouts, and almost killed (y/n) too.

"Of course," He replies matter-of-factly, "If I had told anyone I would have been dispatched of. I told her I would get her in undetected if she got me a sample from each titan. She reluctantly agreed, she didn't have much choice."

"Why didn't you kill her or capture her afterward?"

"We-"

Thompson is interrupted by footsteps running down the hallway. Come on, what now? But my heart drops when I see it was Levi... Where is (y/n)?

"Thompson," He breathed heavily, "(Y/n), hospital wing, go now."

Thompson got up immediately and ran in the direction of the hospital wing. I quickly got up from the table as well, running down the hallway after them.

**Your POV**

_The lights were blinding, so blinding I could barely see the crowd apart from some who were very close to the stage. I just finished my solo and there were roaring applause all around the theatre. I bow gracefully and make my way off the stage for them to set up for the next act._

_The curtain closes as the back stage personnel get the next set ready. People nod at me and pat me on the back when they see me. I smile politely and quickly hurry past them, I just need a moment to myself while I wait to go back on stage._

_But when I finally clear the crowd I notice I don't see Celeste. She is always right back stage, cheering me on and the first person to greet me when I get off._

_This isn't good, has she gotten on Laurie's bad side again? Instead of heading for my dressing room, I resign to looking backstage for her. I’m very worried about her, I know her, if she has upset Laurie I'm sure she has made it worse by crying._

_I ask others as I walk around, asking anyone if they have seen her, but no one has. I'm about to give up the search when I pass beside a spiral staircase and hear some muffled crying_.

_"Celeste!" I breathe a sigh of relief when I see her, "There you are!"_

_She looks up at me and tries to rub under her eyes, trying to conceal the fact she had been crying, "(Y/n)," She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her sad blue eyes, "You performed beautifully, sorry I couldn't be there to greet you."_

_"Never mind that, what happened?" I ask her as I crouch down beside her._

_"Apparently my last client was disappointed in his purchase. A-and L-Laurie wanted to make sure I knew he was dissatisfied.."_

_I try to comfort her while rubbing her back. It does happen with Celeste on occasion, sometimes when she gets really nervous she gets to a point where she can't hide it. If it reaches that point, depending on the client, it ruins the session._

" _You have to stop crying, Celeste," I take my thumbs and whip her tears away, "When you cry it always makes the punishment worse, you know that."_

_"I'm not you, (y/n)," She sniffles, "I'm not brave, I can't stand up to him like you."_

_"Well you do have a lot less scars on you than me," I chuckle, "That's what my 'bravery' gets me. But I think I'm more stubborn and hot headed than brave, Celeste."_

_She gives me a small smile and kisses my cheek, always her way of saying thank you._

" _Just do what he asks," I stand up and offer her my hand, "Don't be stupid like me and aggravate him to no end. If you do what he asks, it makes life a little easier around him. I know it's hard to do it with most of the clients, but try to picture that you somewhere else. That you're with someone you actually like, it's hard I know. But you have to do what you can to survive. Remember that."_

_She takes my hand and allows me to pull her up off the ground. She dusts herself off and hurries off to get ready for the next act._

_"Peitho," I feel my blood run cold when I hear the voice of Laurie calling me, "Come to me when this performance is over."_

_I glare up at his cold amber eyes, "Why?"_

_Bad idea, I knew as soon as I said it... Even before. He smacks me hard on my cheeks, leaving a metallic taste in my mouth as I feel a small stream of blood leaking out of the corner of my mouth._

_"Don't question me," He snarls at me and kneels down so he could meet my eyes, "You have a very special request. The king himself was very moved by your performance, he seeks a private show with you."_

_"The king, huh?" I smirk at Laurie and decide to push him a little more, "Do you mean Rod Reiss, or the false king?"_

_Laurie looks shocked, I've never seen him in such a state before. His gaze turns even more menacing and I know I'm in for the beating of my life. But it's too late for him, my name is being called to return to the stage. Laurie isn't stupid, he won't keep me from a performance. There would be... Uncomfortable questions._

_I kiss his cheek and smile sweetly, "Wish me luck, Laurie."_

_I leave him standing there, practically shaking with rage, while I skip happily to the stage. Happy to have pissed him off as much as I did, as payback for hurting Celeste again, this should be a fun night._

_Suddenly I'm pulled from the backstage of the theatre, and I'm thrown into a completely new environment. I'm laying in what feels like grass, covered in blood and in more pain than I have ever felt in my life._

_I couldn't speak, I just listened to people walk past me. Was I hidden behind something and they just don't see me? Were they just unaware of my presence, or refusing to get involved... Both are likely. I can't see, my eyes are swollen shut._

_I try to make some noise to get someone's attention, but it's not working. I can barely manage a squeak._

_I don't know how long I have been laying here... I'm just waiting to die, praying it will be soon.. Everything hurts too much._

" _Kenny," I hear a male voice say, "You can't be serious, look at her. There is no way she is surviving that."_

_I hear the familiar voice of Kenny chuckle, "Trust me, he wants this one alive."_

I jolt awake, breathing heavily covered in fresh sweat. Whelp, guess the dreams are back..

"(Y/n)! Thank the gods!" I look next to me and almost jump out of bed, it was Katrina.

Her dark brown hair was pulled up in her usual neat bun and she was wearing a button up shirt and beige pants. What the hell is she doing here?

"Sorry," She removes her hands from my arm, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"How long have I-"

"A few days," She replies, "Guess the secret is out, huh? I heard people in the hallways talking about what happened at that party for Dr. Thompson."

"Did you know what was wrong with mom and I?" I ask her quietly, thinking back on her reactions when I saw her last.

"Not the specifics," She admitted, wary of my reaction, "I didn't know it was to the extent of experimentation. You've had very handsome men waiting for you to wake up. I'm sorry you had to wake up to me instead of them. They said they would be back soon."

"I hope not," I mumble, "They are busy."

"Indeed." She pauses and starts pulling at her fingers, she always does that when she is nervous.

"What, Katrina?"

"Beth didn't want me to tell you." She said cautiously, "... But I believe that you should know, no matter what your condition is."

"What?" I ask nervously.

"Ben is missing," She answered sadly, and I could feel my blood turn to ice in my veins and my stomach drop, "I wanted to tell you sooner, but Beth asked me not to. She believes you’re in no condition to hear such news."

"How long?"

"We haven't seen him since the day he came to visit you when you were in the hospital last. So over a week.”

No. That can't be. Why? Who would target Ben? Everyone loves him. Stop it, (y/n), why are you jumping to the worst case scenario, he could have gotten lost somewhere... He only leaves Wall Sina to come and see me...

"(Y/n)," Katrina gets my attention again, "He was with Celeste when he came to visit you, right?"

"What are you-" But I couldn't finish my train of thought, narrowing my eyes at Katrina, "What are you implying?"

Katrina licked her lips nervously before answering, "Don't you find it all suspicious? I divorce Conrad, Lawrence and my father have a falling out because of it, and immediately Celeste starts seeing Ben?"

No. Stop it. It's different, Celeste and Ben are in love. Katrina just lusted after Conrad, and Conrad doesn't love anyone but himself. Celeste would never do anything to cause harm to Ben. How dare Katrina try to manipulate me against her, "Get out, Katrina."

"Listen to me, (y/n)," She leaned in closer, "I know you must have had similar thoughts at one point. You are far too smart to have not seen it, and you know Lawrence too well not to think he would plan something like this. This is Lawrence's doing, and I know you know that deep down. Because if you stop to think about it, you would see-"

"Get out!" I scream at her.

"Please, (y/n), please! I beg you, listen to me-"

"Laurie would never have anyone hurt Ben, he needs your father-"

"Exactly! He needs my father, and my father has been refusing to cooperate with him after that party that compromised Lawrence's inner circle!" Desperate tears that she had clearly been holding back were starting to fall freely, "I need your help, (y/n). I don't know where he is, I need you to help me find him. Only you can."

"No!" Images of Celeste hanging off of my brother, and the way they looked at each other flashed through my mind... No, no way would she do anything to harm him, even if Laurie commanded her to do so.

The memory of Celeste running in the woods flashed into my mind next... The man that met her... She looked upset and she has been running for a long period of time. But, I don't think she said anything about Ben to the man.. 'You only traded one life for another.'

No, stop it, it's too much. I tried to stand up from my bed, but my legs gave out right away. I hear Katrina gasp as she rushes around the bed to help me.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at her as she sits on the ground next to me, but she ignores my protests.

I try to push her off, but my body is too tired, it won't allow me to. She wraps her arms around my arms and my upper body, caging me against her.

"I know you see it," She said quietly to me, "I know you don't want to believe your friend would be involved in this, but that doesn't mean it isn't the truth. You have to help me because no one else can. I've tried everything I could think of, even went and tried to talk to Conrad. But he won't say anything, I know he knows something just by the way he could barely look at me. I need you, (y/n). I need you to help me find our brother, please. I understand so many people have betrayed you, including myself, and I know it hurts so much more thinking she could be apart of this. But that doesn't stop it from being true."

She started to cry again, I could feel her warm tears drip onto my shoulder, "It's my fault, if I didn't leave Conrad, it would have been me. It should have been me, (y/n). But I'm lost, I don't know what goes on in Lawrence's head, so I need you to stop living in denial and help me."

"What is going on in here?" It was Peter, it looked like he came running when he heard the commotion, "Katrina, what are you doing here?"

"Don't fucking come anywhere near us!" She snapped at Peter and held me tightly against her until I grunted in pain, "Haven't you done enough to my family?"

"I understand your frustrations, Katrina. But I am the only person who can help her. That's why I'm still here."

I wondered that since he walked in. I was curious because I figured Levi, Erwin, Hange or all 3 of them would have thrown him in a cell because of the secrets he had been keeping. But if they did that, I'm sure he would just get a royal pardon, Laurie's people are untouchable after all. I guess it makes sense for them to let him stay for now, he is the only one that can monitor me and know what's going on.

"Come on," Peter sighs, "I need to check up on her, and visiting hours are almost over."

Katrina glares up at him and reluctantly released me and walked toward the door, "I'll be back to see you."

"Don't-" I growl at her as she leaves the room.

"Legs?" Peter asked me quietly.

I glare up at him as I lift one of my legs up with my hands and then let it fall uselessly from my hands back onto the floor.

"I see." He commented and bends down to lift me back into bed.

"Why aren't you at your fancy new job in the capital?"

"I'm staying for you. Whether you, or anyone else here, likes it or not. Whether you take another dose or not, I'll either be here to watch you die or until you see reason and decide to live."

"I guess you would want that for your research, huh?" I sneer at him.

"Look," He grunted as he placed me back down on my bed, "I may not be your favourite person right now. But you know I'm not the only person who has been hanging around you, waiting for you to wake up and miraculously decide to not be an idiot."

"You think I'm being unreasonable just to be difficult?” I laugh.

"I'm saying it's stupid to let yourself die because you're angry at people who put you in this position."

"Yeah, I guess, and it would be a good thing for you too, huh?" He furrowed his eyebrows at my tone becoming softer.

"Yeah," I continue, "You did everything right. You took this broken girl and put her back together. You saved me, saved the unsaveable as it were. You made it so I could live a full life. You did everything perfectly. But despite all of that, even though everything went according to plan, and everything was where you hoped it would be... I never got out of bed. My muscles continued to atrophy, my organs failed completely one by one, and then I died. Your miracle failing before your very eyes, everything you've worked for all these years, just gone. How does that make you feel?"

"It would upset me greatly," He smiled sadly at me, "But not for the reasons you're thinking."

"How long has my brother been missing?" I ask him suddenly, taking him by surprise.

He furrows his brows at me, "He's missing? I didn't know.."

"Who would want to hurt my brother?"

"(Y/n), I don't have an answer for you. If he is missing that is news to me. I don't know anyone who has anything against your brother. You know that."

I look down at my hands and place them in my lap. The same memory of Celeste running in the woods is plaguing my mind. I can't stop it from replaying over and over again. Stop it, (y/n), don't listen to Katrina. What does she know about loyalty? Fucking jack shit.

Yet, no matter what direction my mind goes into, it always arrives back at Celeste. It is a hard thing to think about, my mother betrayed me when she sold me to Laurie, Katrina betrayed me when she chose a man who felt nothing for her over her own sister and Peter betrayed me when he continued to lie to me throughout these years and participating in things I would never approve of in my name. It's too difficult to think of the possibility of Celeste betraying me too. I have to get to the bottom of this, I need to find Ben and clear Celeste of suspicion. Even if that means cooperating with Katrina.

"Can you leave now, please?" I grumble to Peter as he pulls the covers over me, "And send Katrina back in."

Peter gives me a quizzical expression and looks toward the door. As I suspected, Katrina was still there, waiting for Peter to leave.

"Don't do anything rash or stupid." Peter warns me sternly.

He walks briskly past Katrina and down the hallway, "Ellen was here earlier," Katrina comments as she came back into the room, "She is understandably still very angry with him. It seems like she was hoping for him to be punished in some way, but I doubt he will. I haven't seen Grace around though, maybe that will be his punishment."

"I wanted to spare both of them," I reply sadly, "Because I thought he had changed, that he had stopped these experiments and was only working on being a doctor. But when I found out otherwise, I couldn't listen to them congratulate and praise him when they didn't know the full story. I wonder if Peter will hate me."

"Maybe," She sighed as she sat down in the chair next to me, "But he has no one else to blame but himself. Either way, it doesn't matter. Right now we need to focus on finding Ben."

"Have you seen Celeste?"

"I saw her very briefly when I followed my father when he went to meet with Lawrence. She was sitting in a carriage, trying to hide herself from view, but I saw her. I don't think my father did, he was... distracted at the time."

No.. what is happening? What is going on? She was the last person I know he was with... And if he went missing after he saw me in the hospital... the most logical answer is..

"Maybe she got away," I was trying to convince myself more than Katrina, "She... She must... have.. I-"

"(Y/n)," Katrina tries to lay her hand gently on my arm but I shrug her off immediately, "If that were true she would be the one tracking you down to help find Ben. She's involved."

No... She would never hurt my brother, right? She knows how important he is to me. He was the first of my siblings that braved the underground to come and meet me, and he was the one I saw the most. I won't sit here and wait for someone else to find him. He needs me.

I wiggle my toes and move my legs around to make sure my legs are functional again, "Let's go." I mumble to Katrina. Of course I would rather take literally anyone else, but there is no time to waste.

I can't look for anyone else to help because they will just send me back to the hospital. I have to go now, I need to find him before I get any worse.

I gesture toward my normal clothes next to Katrina and she hands them to me. She offers to help me up, but I brush her off. I groan as I get to my feet. I feel pain radiating throughout my body. I just bite my lip and endure it, I have bigger concerns.

I slip out of my hospital gown and I hear Katrina gasp as she looks at my bruised body, "Doesn't it hurt?"

"Extremely," I grunt as I pull my pants and shirt on, "Come on, it's getting late."

And with that she follows me out the door and we rush out of the hospital wing.


	47. Chapter 47: Gone

**Your POV**

It looks like it was late afternoon outside, any scouts at HQ will probably be eating dinner by now. Good, that will make it easier for me to slip away.

Katrina walks with me to the stable before she runs to get her own horse. I give my horse a quick pat before I start saddling up. As soon as I make the movement to throw the saddle up onto his back, there is a stabbing pain in my abdomen as my body begs me to stop.

Come on, not now. I grind my teeth together as I pick up the saddle and try again, but it’s not working. Fuck it, bareback it is.

As I put the saddle back I make sure to grab a couple flares. We may need these to communicate if we are splitting up. And if I have anything to say about it, we will be.

I lead my horse outside and climb up on one of the fences to slide easily onto his back, “Come on, boy.” I encourage him with a squeeze from my heels and I make my way to the other side of the stable where Katrina said she would meet me.

She was there waiting in the spot we agreed upon and raises an eyebrow at me, “Are you going to be okay riding like that?”

“Yes,” I wheeze as I rub at my body, hoping that would help with the pain, “Here.”

I hand her one of the flares I had in my saddle bag, “We can use these if we find anything and need to alert the other.”

She nods at me and puts it behind her in her saddle bag.

“Where have you checked?” I ask Katrina.

“Everywhere I could think of in the capital,” She sighed, “But no luck.”

“I saw Celeste the evening after they visited me in the hospital,” I finally admit to her, “I’ll lead you to the area and we can split up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw her?” Katrina asked me seriously.

“You know now, so it’s fine.” I shrug, signalling to her I wasn’t up for chatting with her about it.

“Okay.” She relents.

To my relief Katrina remained silent for the whole ride. I’m sure she’s aware the only reason I’m agreeing to be around her right now is for the sake of Ben. It doesn’t mean I have forgiven her for what she has done to me in the past.

My thoughts wander off to the dream I had. What was I saying about there being a false king? And something about Rod Reiss I think. I’m having trouble trying to remember, I focus as hard as I can but I’m not having much luck.

... A false king? Rod Reiss.. What’s the connection? As I should have expected my body feels like it is on fire as that awful familiar pain seizes up my body. I slide off of my horse’s back and hit the ground rather hard.

“(Y/n)!” Katrina gasped and got off her horse to check on me.

She tried to touch me but that only makes me scream louder. She’s shaking as she watches me writhe around on the ground, unable to help me.

Eventually it stops and I lay on the ground breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath after all the screaming. I really hope we aren’t close enough to where my squad resides for them to have heard that.

“Are you okay?” Katrina asks me. She was beside herself with worry, pacing around me trying to figure out what to do.

“Peachy,” I grumble as I push myself off the ground and brush the dirt off of me, “Shall we?”

“(Y/n),” Katrina sighs, “If you can’t go, I won’t force you. Just tell me the general area and I will go, maybe this was a bad idea.” She bit at her lip nervously as she stares at me.

“It’s fine, I’m used to this.” I wave her worries aside, “Help me up, please.”

There wasn’t a downed tree or a fence near by, so I need help getting back up on my horse. Katrina reluctantly agrees and helped me back up. My horse seemed to be very unfazed about what just happened. He just stared at me with his big brown eyes, wondering why I even fell off in the first place.

I situate myself on his back correctly, and we are off again; me leading the way and Katrina following me silently. I know she wants to ask about what just happened, but she has decided against it.

I think she knows it doesn’t matter what she says to me at this point, I’m in this now and there is no way she can send me back to HQ without Ben.

Eventually, about an hour later, we reach the area where my squad is staying, but not close enough for them to see or hear us. This is the area Celeste had to have come from considering the direction she was running in when I saw her heading for the woods.

“It was around here,” I break the long silence, “You go that way, I’ll go this way.”

She listens to my instructions and heads off into the direction I pointed in. I head off to my right and look around carefully for any kind of sign that anyone has been around her recently.

Who would want to hurt Ben? I keep asking myself that question. I’m slowly letting myself come to terms with the fact that he hasn’t simply gotten lost on his way home. The more I think about it, the less this all makes sense to me... Could it be someone trying to get a rise out of his father, David?

Where is Celeste anyway? I hope she is okay, and I hope she is safe. I’m sure there is an innocent explanation as to why she hasn’t been around and why she hasn’t been looking for Ben... And why she was running around out here... Right after Ben went missing...

Stop it, (y/n). Celeste loves us, she would never do anything to hurt Ben or myself. I try to push the thoughts of Celeste from my mind, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult.

Worst case scenario, what would Laurie have on Celeste to get her to participate? Come on, I’m not giving her enough credit. Plus, I think she knows if I ever suspected her of hurting Ben... The end results would not work in her favour. Because it’s one thing for Laurie to do shady shit, that’s just what he does. But someone as close to me as Celeste doing something to my brother... Well, I don’t even want to think about what I would do.

I feel my horse tense up under me, alerting me back to my surroundings instead of Celeste. I look to see what he is looking at and see another horse. I urge my horse closer to it, it looks terrified.

I slide off my horse and steadily walk closer to it. The horse was fully saddled and the horse’s reins were caught on something. Ah, that must be why it is freaking out.

I look around for the rider, I hope they are not hurt. But as I look around, I don’t see anyone. Shit, it would have been easier if the rider were around; this horse will be even more freaked out with a stranger approaching it.

“Easy,” I say to it in a soft voice as I slowly approach the horse, “Whoa.”

The horse calms down enough for me to get close and not worry about getting my head kicked in. I tentatively grab the reins and untangle it from some branches that it had been caught on, “There you go.”

I whisper to the horse as he starts to calm down a little more. When I actually stop to examine the horse, I notice he looks a lot like the horse Ben owns. He’s completely black, apart from a thin stripe of white down the length of his face and 4 white socks above each hoof.

Well... That’s not a good sign. If it is Ben’s horse he couldn’t have been stuck here for the entire time Ben has been missing. The horse would have died from dehydration if it had been caught here for a week. I pinch the horse’s skin gently to test for dehydration, but it doesn’t stay elevated. Good, but I should still bring him to some water.

“Come on.” I whisper to the horse and whistle for mine to follow. There should be a stream around here somewhere, the horse is obviously hydrated. Judging where I am and how far I am from the house my squad is in, and how far that house is from a stream... That one should be around here somewhere.

We walk for about 10 minutes or so until we reach a stream, “There.” I pat the horse on the neck as he moved closer to drink from the stream. As I wait for him to finish I look at my surroundings, nothing seems to be out of place or suspicious over here.

Or at least I thought so... But as I wander around the perimeter, I notice discolouration on the ground which causes me to pause. I remove the reins off my brother’s horse, just in case he takes off again, I don’t want him getting caught again.

I walk over to the other side of the stream where I see the discolouration and kneel beside it to get a closer look... It looks like blood. My eyes go wide and I feel panic starting to set in.

Relax (y/n), just take this one step at a time. Just because you found his horse without him, and a mysterious patch of blood on the ground not far from where you found his horse... It isn’t proof of anything yet, let’s look at the scene logically.

I touch the stain, it’s dry, this has been here for a little while. The light of the setting sun makes something shine and catches my attention. I look closer at a spot in the blood stain. I grab it to examine it... It’s a bullet, and it also has blood on it.

So someone was clearly shot at least once. The stain itself is very close to the stream. Could they have tried to shoot the person close to the stream in hopes they would fall in? Washing away the blood and the proof someone was shot over here? Or it could have just been by chance they were shot so close to the stream.. But it does raise questions...

Could the person who was shot have moved closer to the stream on their own? No, there would be a blood trail leading from another patch of blood on the ground. But there is only this one isolated spot where there is blood.

Panic is now setting in completely. I rush across the stream again and grab my horse to lead him to a fallen tree so I can hop onto him. He was a bit fussy that I interrupted him while he was eating, but he obeys immediately.

Ben’s horse all of a sudden takes off in another direction, “Hey!” I yell after him and urge my own horse to follow.

My mind is racing as we chase after Ben’s horse, what was that? Was it Ben’s blood? Someone else’s? Wouldn’t we have heard gun shots at some point? Why was Ben’s horse so close to that scene?

“Please be okay.” I whisper to myself, the pain in my body numbed by my panic and the adrenaline running in my veins. Nothing else matters but finding Ben.

I’ve been chasing after his horse for about an hour. He slows down enough for me to catch up, then he takes off again. What is he doing?

After the long chase, his horse slows down in an open area. It’s quite a big clearing, a little over grown, but we are a considerable distance from the wall, I doubt anyone resides out here.

Close to the tree line on the other side of the opening is some kind of ruin. It’s hard to tell what it once was, but to me it kind of looks like a chapel... Wait.

Images flash through my mind as I carefully slide off of my horse...

_Ugh, Laurie is taking forever, can’t he and Reiss congratulate each other when I’m not around._

_I see them standing outside Reiss’ chapel, patting each other on the back. God it’s insufferable being around the 2 of them, what are they celebrating anyway?_

_Laurie turns to the carriage and looks in at me, he raises his eyebrows at me and waves me over to him. Typically I would offer some offensive gesture to wind him up, but I’m still in a lot of pain from the last time I did something wrong... I still have the burn marks on my back to prove it. Maybe I’ll give my body a rest for today and just do as I’m told._

_I let myself out of the carriage and head over to the chapel where Laurie and Rod are standing, “Ah! There she is!” Reiss exclaimed excitedly when he sees me walking up to them._

_“Good evening, Lord Reiss,” I curtsy him politely, “I hope you are well.”_

_“I’ve missed requesting you,” He says as he puts his hand on my shoulder, “You are just as beautiful as the last time I saw you.”_

_“And you are as wide as you are tall.” I smile sweetly at him. I can’t help myself, I had to do it. The men who request me never notice when I insult them. They just see my lips moving but never register what I say, too distracted by my looks._

_But Laurie always catches it, but he can’t do anything about it right now. Not right in front of a client, especially one as important as Lord Reiss._

_Reiss leaves his hand resting on my shoulder as he turns to Laurie, “So, everything is as it should be?”_

_Laurie nods, “Yes, but just to be safe don’t bring her to your main estate for the time being, the memories may come back to her if she is triggered by something. We don’t know the long term effects, but we are optimistic.”_

_What are they talking about?_

_“Very well, when I request her it will be to here for now. Thank you, Lawrence,” He reaches out to shake Laurie’s hand, “I’ll be sure to keep a closer eye on her.”_

_“Have fun with her.” Laurie says with a smile for Reiss, and gives me a final warning glare before he heads back to the carriage._

_“Shall we?” Reiss turns to me again and holds out his arm. I take it and follow him into the chapel._

When I fall back into reality I’m standing on the stairs as I was in my flashback. So that’s what this structure once was, it was the chapel belonging to Rod Reiss.

What happened to it though? I think I heard a rumour about it being burnt in a fire beyond repair. But something seems strange about that explanation. It doesn’t look like it was brought down by a fire... If anything it looks like something exploded inside of it, bringing the structure crumbling down in on itself.

Why was I led here? There has to be a reason... Ben’s horse hasn’t taken off from here. He and my horse were just off to the side nibbling on the overgrown grass.

I walk around the property lost in thought. Apparently I was brought here because they were afraid I would remember something if I went to Rod’s estate. Remember what?

Something doesn’t seem right about this place. Why would he have built this chapel out in the middle of nowhere anyway? It just doesn’t make much sense to me.

It’s getting darker, the setting sun’s light is almost completely blocked by the trees. I better hurry and look around.

I take a look at the ruins themselves, but I don’t see anything of particular interest so far. I walk around the back and the sides, nothing. Next I walk around the tree line, eyes peeled for something... Anything.

I make my way to the eastern most side of the clearing, and as I continue and I notice an unusual smell starts to creep up to me. The further I moved the more intense it got, it was starting to make my eyes water.

No, I know that smell. It’s the smell of death. I freeze as my brain finally registers what that smell is. I can’t. I can’t go any further... Because if I do, I’ll never be able to un-see it.

I press my hands to my face and rub at my temple. Come on, (y/n) you have to continue. Even if you’re terrified by what you’ll find and the truth you will learn. You have to continue.

I open my eyes and continue walking slowly, the smell becoming stronger and stronger, almost making me gag. Finally, I came across a disturbance in the ground. It appeared to be a shallow grave, whoever dug it must have been in a hurry... or wanted someone to find it..?

With shaky hands I reach out to the soft soil and brush away some of the dirt. Immediately I see a hand sticking out of the ground. I swallow hard as I reach up to where the corpse’s face must be.

I could feel tears stream down my face as I gently remove the dirt from the person’s face. And as I did, any hope of finding Ben alive was quickly pushed away. Any hope that he would greet me with his usual smile, pulling me into a bone crushing hug, and asking me where I have been. Yelling at me for being out on my own, but then quickly joking with me because it’s impossible for him to stay angry with me.

His lifeless grey eyes stare blankly up at the sky, the eyes of my mother. The eyes that used to shine so brightly whenever he saw me, whether he was angry with me or not. I’ll never forget the first time I saw those eyes.

_I’m playing just outside my house, looking for one of the stray cats that followed me home that day._

_Suddenly, I hear someone walk up behind me and clear their throat, “Excuse me,” The voice of a boy said, “Are you (y/n)?”_

_I whip around to look at the boy. Mama always told me not to talk to strangers. She gave me a small sack of coins in case a stranger did approach me, she told me to give them the coins to distract them a little and run._

_I grab the small pouch out of my pocket and show it to the boy, “You want this?” I ask him shakily, trying to sound as brave as I can, “Here!” I throw the sack of coins away from me, “Go! Go get it! Fetch!”_

_I turn and run to the front door of my house, but before I open the door I am distracted by laughter coming from the boy. I’ve never had that response before. I walk around to the side of the house again to see the strange boy holding his stomach as he continued to laugh._

_Eventually he looks at me again, “Did mother teach you that?” He asked as he wiped tears from my eyes._

_“Yes.” I replied, face going red._

_“trick for dealing with Military Police officers when they are down here. This money bag isn’t nearly enough to make them go away.” He says as he passes me the sack of coins I threw for him._

_“Here’s what you do for them,” He leans closer to me, I’m a bit apprehensive at first, but I notice he has the same eyes as my mother, so I feel like I can trust him, “You’ll have to throw a bag of drugs for them to get off your back.” He whispers to me._

_“Ooooh, I’ve never heard of that.” I respond with interest._

_Suddenly I run to the front of my house to run and find my mother, “Mama! I need a bag of drugs to give to Military people!”_

_I can hear the boy outside howl with laughter again when he hears my mother shout, “What did you just ask me for?!”_

_When my mother comes out to check on me, she sees the boy laughing next to me, “Benjamin!” She laughed, “Don’t put stories in (y/n)’s head!”_

_The boy ran over and pulled my mother into a tight hug, my mother had tears in her eyes as she huggedhim back, “I’m so happy to see you, Ben! How are your sisters?”_

_“They are doing fine,” He smiled up at her, “This is (y/n), right? She looks just like you mom. Much more than myself, Kat or Beth.”_

_Since my mother was comfortable around him, I allowed myself to be too. After my mother released him from the hug he turns to me, “Hi, (y/n)! I’m your brother, Ben!”_

_I frown when he opened up his arms to receive me. I’m not very good with strangers, even if my mother approves of them. So I stick out my hand and offer up a handshake instead._

_“Prickly one, isn’t she?” He laughs at my odd formal demeanour for such a young child. He pushes my hand aside and pulls me into a tight hug. I’m surprised that I’m able to relax into his arms right away, like I’ve known him since the day I was born._

_He puts me down after awhile and kisses my forehead, “I’m sorry I can’t stay for very long today,” He turns to my mother, “Father thinks I’m at Mac’s.” Ben turns to look at me again, “I will be back soon, okay? I’ll play with you more next time, I promise.”_

_I smile brightly up at him as he waved at my mother and I as he quickly made his way toward the entrance to the underground, “Bye Ben! See you later!”_

I stare down at the lifeless grey eyes that I don’t recognize. The face that looks so much like Ben, but also doesn’t... Because everything that made him Ben is gone. All that’s left of him is this lifeless vessel, and the memories that I will always treasure when things were simpler.

I brush more dirt off of him to confirm his cause of death. It was indeed a gun shot wound, right through his heart. I brush some of his long dark brown hair away from his face and close his eyes.

I slowly reach into my pocket and pull out my flare gun. I lift it above my head and squeeze the trigger, alerting to Katrina that I found him.

**Meanwhile...**

**Erwin’s POV**

“Has your meeting been rescheduled yet? It better be soon, otherwise how else are we going to continue looking into this, Erwin.” Hange asks me as I sat back in my chair a little more.

“I don’t have control over that, Hange,” I remind her, “I have to wait for them to summon me again.”

It’s frustrating. Ever since (y/n) revealed the truth about her condition, it’s really been all we have been able to think about.

“Are we really going to just leave (y/n) there without one of us there?” Levi growls at us, “I mean, do we really all need to be here?”

I know how he feels, I feel uncomfortable leaving her there too. But we can’t risk talking about this at HQ, who knows who may over hear. As much as I would love to get rid of Peter, he is (y/n)’s only hope at this point. The only thing I believe when it comes to him is the fact that he does consider (y/n) family, and does indeed have her best interests at heart... In his own way.

Although that doesn’t stop me from making sure I maintain a certain distance from him. Every time I see him I think about the horrors (y/n) must have gone through in their pursuit of concealing secrets for their own self gain.

“Can’t you just give her the dose while she is still unconscious?” Eren asked quietly, “Then at least she will be fine for a little while, right?”

The rest of Levi’s squad was pretty upset when they found out about what had actually been going on with (y/n). Levi and Hange have to keep a close eye on them, especially Eren. He has almost succeeded in sneaking out to go see (y/n), but thankfully Levi caught him in time.

“That’s not a good idea, Eren,” Armin answers for us, “(Y/n) has been rejecting it for this long. Forcing her to take it isn’t going to do her any good. If anything, it would probably push her away from us.”

“We also have to continue looking into the wall cult,” Hange says ignoring Eren’s inquiry, “They knew about there being titans within the walls, maybe they know how to activate this ‘hardening’ ability.”

Hange is really trying to get our minds off of (y/n), but it really doesn’t work for very long. I wonder if she has woken up yet, we are on day 3 and she hasn’t so much as stirred.

I saw the bruises on her abdomen, signalling the bleeding is getting worse. I’ve never felt this helpless, there is nothing I can do for her... And that fact is driving me absolutely insane. The only person who can is Thompson.. and I hate that.

“Who is that?” Eren asked, standing up from his seat. Levi, Hange and I jerk our heads in the direction of the window he was pointing at. There was a woman riding along the tree line.

“Stay here.” Levi mumbles to his squad as we get up from our seats. We have to be ready for a fight in case it is someone from the group pursuing Eren and Historia.

“Actually, it may be best if I just go,” Hange offered as she rushed to get in front of us, “Having the Commander out here is a little suspicious, and I’m sure any enemy can surmise such an important person like Eren is being protected by the most capable soldier, Captain Levi.”

We nod and stay in the house as Hange exits to take a closer look at the person outside, “She looks familiar.” Levi comments as he stares out the window at the woman.

I’m a bit surprised when Hange just decides to walk up to her, could she have recognized her too? When Hange makes it over to the woman they seem to exchange some words. After a few minutes, Hange looks toward the window we are standing by and waves us out.

Levi and I exchange a look as we head for the door and go outside to meet with Hange and the woman, “It’s (y/n)’s sister, Katrina.” Hange smiles as we walk up to the 2 women.

“The one that ruined her life.” Levi growls at the stern looking woman.

“Yes,” She replies, “I’m that one.”

“What are you doing out here?” I ask her suspiciously.

She looked like she didn’t want to answer that. What could she be hiding? Why is she all the way out here... is she alone?

“Our brother, Benjamin, has been missing for over a week,” She began to explain, “(y/n) mentioned that a good place to start could be around in this area-“

“Wait, is (y/n) awake?” I interrupt her.

“Yes, I-“

“When?” Levi cut in, “When did you speak to her.”

She avoids looking at us in the eyes, opts to stare down at her hands, nervously fiddling with the reins on her horse’s bridle, “Not long ago, she is helping me look-“

“What? What is she doing out of bed?! Is she okay?!” Hange asks her.

“She said she is well enough to help me look-“

“What the fuck do you know?” Levi snapped at her angrily, “Are you a doctor? You don’t know that she is well, so shut the fuck up.”

I have to agree with him, it’s clear she is getting worse. And an excursion into the woods is only going to make things worse.

Despite Levi’s harsh retort, she doesn’t back down, “I know that if something really has happened to Ben and she was stuck in a hospital bed with people who wouldn’t let her out, she would never forgive any of you.” She snapped back.

“Why did (y/n) want to look out here?” I press her for more information.

“She said when she was out here last week she saw her friend Celeste running through here. She was the last person to be seen with our brother, and I have reason to suspect she may be involved with his disappearance.”

“Did (y/n) mention anything about seeing her friend out here?” I direct my question at Levi and Hange.

“No, she didn’t mention anything to me.” Hange shrugged.

Levi paused before he answered, racking his brain for something, “The night she escaped from the hospital... She did say she saw her friend.. She ran into the woods and said her friend met up with some mysterious man.. (y/n) thought she was probably running from a violent client.” Levi mumbled out loud to himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?!” Hange asked him.

“I didn’t think it was significant,” Levi shrugged, “She was adamant that her friend didn’t see her. I know if (y/n) thought her friend knew where we were, or the man, she would have told us. Just because (y/n) saw her, that doesn’t mean her friend saw her or any of us out here for that matter.”

“Have you seen anything out of the ordinary over the past couple weeks?” Katrina asks us, “Anything at all? Random people? Shouts? Gun shots? Anything at all?”

I stare at Levi and Hange, they would know better than I would. I have only been out here today after all. (Y/n) was out here for quite awhile when she was avoiding me, and I was trying to give her space...

Hange and Levi try to remember if they noted anything strange, but neither of them can think of an instance. I know they must not have, they have been watching and monitoring the area carefully for anything out of place. They are in hiding after all, such standards are required. If something had happened nearby, no doubt they would have picked up on it.

“It’s getting late,” I comment, “Let’s go find (y/n) and-“

I’m interrupted by a loud popping noise. I recognize that sound, it’s the sound of a shot from our flare guns. We all turn in the direction of the sound and we see a slim stream of green smoke in the distance.

“That must be (y/n)!” Katrina confirmed, excitement rising in her voice, “She must have found something.”

She squeezed her horse’s sides with her heels and took off in the direction the flare was shot in.

We hear the door to the house creak open and a few of Levi’s Squad members poked their heads out. They must have heard the sound of the flare as well.

“Stay put,” Levi says to them as we run over to our horses, “None of you are to follow, understand?”

Just a precaution, we don’t exactly know how much we can trust Katrina. So Eren and the others best stay here.

We exchange very few words as we get up on our horses and speed off in the direction Katrina galloped off in.

It was a quiet ride, all of us staying silent. Worried for (y/n) and what she could have found. I’m not optimistic, this can’t be good.

About 20 minutes later we have to slow down because the brush is getting too thick. As we slowed down a bit we listened carefully in case we are close to (y/n) or Katrina, alerting us to their location. We can’t be far from them, this should be the area the flare came from.

Suddenly we hear screaming to our right. We pick up our pace immediately and follow the sounds. Eventually we reach a rather large clearing with the ruined remains of some sort of structure.

It was hard to take in the surroundings though, our eyes were fixed on the 2 figures that were across the clearing from us. We pick up the pace even more, and as we get closer we get a pretty good idea of what is going on.

(Y/n)’s back was to us, (h/l) (h/c) hair blowing gently in the breeze. She was kneeling on the ground, not moving, head looking straight ahead. Katrina, on the other hand, was beside herself. She was the one screaming and crying, kneeling over something in the ground.

Levi, Hange and I hop off our horses and get closer to the scene. Since we are closer now we can see Katrina is crying over a haphazardly buried body. I recognize him right away, it was indeed (y/n)’s older brother.

Hange goes to try and console Katrina while Levi and I make our way to (y/n). I kneel down in front of her and raise my hand to cup her face, “(y/n)?”

She doesn’t move, her eyes are unmoving, staring at the lifeless body of her brother. She doesn’t respond when either of us say her name, and when I try to tilt her face to look at me, her head turns but her eyes stay fixed on the same thing.

“We need to get her out of here,” Levi mumbles to me as he feels her forehead, “She’s burning up.”

I fight the urge to slap his hand away from her, but I hold myself back. The last thing we should be doing right not is fighting over her. I’m sure he is feeling the same way I am as he glares at me.

“(Y/n),” I whisper to her again, “We have to go, we need to get you back, you have a fever.”

“I’ll go back and get a cart.” Hange announces and races back toward the house.

“It’s strange,” I almost jump when I hear (y/n) speak, “He wasn’t killed here. Why was he buried here?”

It was clear she wasn’t really talking to us, she was mumbling to herself, “What are you talking about?” Levi asks her, trying to turn her face to look at him.

“There is no blood here,” She mumbles, still not looking at either of us, “He was shot somewhere else, I found a patch of blood with a bullet. Why would someone bury him here..? Doesn’t it seem too risky to move him.. Why? They didn’t even bother to bury him properly...”

Katrina was trying to pull Benjamin’s body out of the shallow grave, but she was having a lot of difficulty, “Help her, Levi.” I jerk my head in Katrina’s direction.

Levi glares as me again, but I raise my eyebrows at him and gestured at my missing right limb. He ‘tch’ed at me as he lets out a frustrated sigh and goes to pull Benjamin out of the ground.

“Ben,” (y/n)’s voice breaks a little when she says her brother’s name, “Come back and play with me again soon okay? You promised.”

After she mumbled that she passed out. I was able to catch her before she fell onto the ground. I hold her against me as we wait for Hange to show up with the carriage.

**Your POV**

_“Mac!” I shouted and threw my arms around him as he and Ben got closer to my house._

_“(Y/n)!” He laughed as he lifted me up and spun me around, “Have you gotten taller?”_

_I blush as he sets me back down, “Please,” Ben scoffs, “She hasn’t grown since she was 5.”_

_“Shut up!” I stick my tongue out at Ben, “I have so! Oh, have you heard the news? Mother and I are moving above ground.” I try to make myself sound more excited than I am, because I know_ _Ben will be happy to have us closer to him._

_Ben’s face falls a little, “Yeah, I did hear,” He pulls me into a hug, “I tried to appeal to my father, I wanted to convince him to let you stay with us, but he wouldn’t have it.”_

_“Please don’t worry about me, Ben,” I stand up on the very tips of my toes to kiss his cheek, “I’ll be okay. Just make sure you look after mom, okay? She’s getting worse.”_

_“Don’t worry, (y/n),” He places his hands on my shoulders, “Please, while you’re there don’t do anything reckless. I won’t always be around to give you advice on how to keep all the men at bay.”_

“ _Fret not, dear brother, I have my little bag of money and drugs, so I’m ready for anyone.” I joke._

_Mac gives us both a weird look, “... Do I want to know?”_

_“Probably not.” Ben and I answer in unison._

_“Just keep your wits about you, (y/n),” Ben says as he brushes some of my hair out of my face, “It’s a different type of world up there, in some ways it can be more dangerous than the underground.”_

_I nod and smile at the 2 of them as I grab onto each of them and pull them closer to my house._

_After I open the door my surroundings change. I’m in the female dorms at Laurie’s now, watching Celeste dance around._

_“Not like that,” I giggle, “Celeste, you’re too tense and you’re thinking too much about the steps.”_

_I walk closer to her, “If you’re going to be on stage you have to relax. You’re over thinking things, you know the steps, just calm down and try again.”_

_“O-okay.” She stammered and gets back into position._

_“Sister.” I hear someone say from the doorway I was just standing in. A big smile spreads across my face when I see Ben there._

_“Brother,” I reply and curtsy to him playfully, “To what do I owe the honour of you gracing me with your presence?”_

_“My father has business here today, so I thought I would come see you as well. Who is this lovely young lady?”_

_Ben stares at Celeste as she continues to try and practice, “That’s Celeste, she’s a very good friend of mine.”_

_Celeste’s face goes red when she sees Ben staring at her, “Celeste, this is my brother, Ben. Ben this is Celeste.” I introduce them and pull Ben into the room._

_“Ben?!” I hear an excited gasp by the door, “Is that you?!”_

_I smirk as I see a blonde girl skip into the room and wrap her arms around Ben. Ben looks uncomfortable, must have been one of his one night stands. Only a few people know Ben is my brother, I like to keep it that way. I tire of girls stopping me in the hallway, asking me to put in a good word for them. I mean, a couple of my dorm mates know, and they don’t tell anyone because they don’t want anyone else to ask me to speak to him on their behalf. Those girls squealed when they found out, and now every once in a while they will stop me in the halls just to say, ‘Oh (y/n)! You’re brother is so hot!’_

_I don’t understand why they feel the need to say that to me. It’s almost like they expect me to say, ‘Oh my god, I know right?! Isn’t he dreamy?!’ No, leave me alone, and never bring my brother up to me again._

_“Oh, that’s so nice that you know each other,” I gush at Ben and the girl, who I finally remembered isnamed Maia, “Oh wait, Ben... Did you tell her about your... you know... Or has the infection cleared up now? That’s such a relief! There you go, Maia! He is all cleared up... Wait.. were you the one he caught the infection from?”_

_I see Maia freeze and her blue/green eyes go wide as she looks from me to Ben, “Oh, sorry,” I laugh and slap my forehead, “That was Anthiea, wasn’t it? My bad, carry on.”_

_“Um, actually, I have to meet with a client.” Maia says as she races out of the room._

_“Charming,” Ben chuckles, “Thanks, but you couldn’t think of a better way to get rid of her?”_

_“Nope, this way was less violent. Stop sleeping with so many girls and they won’t hang off of you.” I scold him._

_“She is kidding about the infection by the way.” Ben smiles at Celeste, making her face go even redder._

_“Hey, down boy! Ah, wait! Maybe you can help her better than I can actually,” I say to Ben as he steps closer to Celeste, “She needs to relax and work on her form. And don’t take that out of context! I mean with her dancing and nothing else, understand?”_

“ _Certainly,” Ben winks as he holds his hand out for Celeste to grab, he pulls her closer, placing one of her hands on his shoulder and hold the other in his hand, “I’m more than happy to help such a beautiful girl.”_

_“Benjamin! Stop!” I giggle and slap him on the back, “That’s enough out of you. You are causing enough problems around here.”_

_Though I do have to admit that they look adorable together, Ben leading their dance and Celeste struggling to keep up with the steps because she is so flustered. But eventually she gets more comfortable and starts to fall more in step with Ben’s movements._

_As I watch them dance, I notice things are starting to change. The atmosphere feels.. weird. Celeste stops smiling up at Ben and looks down at her feet. Ben doesn’t seem to notice, he just carries on with the usual steps._

_Without warning, and to my utter surprise, she pulls him into a heated kiss. It surprises Ben at first, but he gets over the shock in a hurry and kisses her back._

I _decide I should probably give them some privacy. As I turn and get ready to shut the door with me on the other side, I hear a deafening bang. I swing back around to see Celeste holding a gun, and Ben lays at her feet, bleeding from a wound in his chest._

_I rush over to Ben and try to use anything I can to stop the continuous stream of blood, “Ben!” I scream desperately as he gasps for air. I watch helplessly as the life slowly leaves his eyes and he stops twitching._

_I feel hot tears sting my eyes as I hear the noise of a gun cocking. I stare up to see the gun pointing at me now. Celeste has tears running down her face now too, “I’m sorry.” She says barely above a whisper._

_I’m too shocked to fight back, all I can do is stare up at her as she slowly squeezes the trigger and fires atme._

I jolt awake, eyes staring blankly up at the dark ceiling of the hospital wing. I can hear voices, it sounds like they are just outside my room. I push myself up onto my elbows, and let my eyes adjust to the dark room.

What am I doing back here? I thought I was... Oh. Right. I must have been brought back here after Katrina found me. I feel cold... Not temperature wise, just... numb.

Everywhere I look in the room I can see Ben’s face. I see him smiling by the window as he asks me how I’m doing. I see him laughing at my smart ass comments. I see his stern face scolding me when I make an error.

But that’s it I guess, he’s gone now and I’m stuck here... This is going to be the hardest death to accept.

“(Y/n),” I hear someone sniffle from next to me, “You’re awake.”

I finally look next to me and I see Beth sitting in a chair pushed right up next to my bed. She must have been sleeping, but my stirring must have woken her.

I see some fresh tears fall down her already tear stained face, I lift my hand to wipe them away for her. After that I play with a few strands of her short dark brown hair, I can’t bring myself to look at her eyes.. Ben’s eyes... my mother’s eyes.

“Maybe it’s not the right time,” Beth whispered, “But given the circumstances, you haven’t given me much choice. I would like to know if I should arrange for 2 funerals instead of 1.”

I bite my lip nervously, I can’t bring myself to answer her. Did Katrina tell her? Did Peter? Who knows, doesn’t matter now I guess, she knows.

“(Y/n), look at me, please.”

I can’t, Beth. I’m sorry. Not when you’re so close.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take, (y/n). Mom, Ben and now you,” Her voice started to crack again, “Please, (y/n) just-“

She’s interrupted by the door opening, they must have heard Beth and figured I was awake. Erwin, Levi, Hange, Peter and Katrina walk into the room. Oh, that’s right... Levi, Erwin and Hange were there too...

“You’re awake, (y/n),” Hange offers me a small smile when she saw me sitting up on my bed, “Good.”

“Does Dr. Thompson have to be here too?” Beth growled as he walked closer to me.

I sit uncomfortably on my bed, not knowing how to behave. I feel so many emotions and I can’t seem to express any of them. My mind is just a blur, the only person I can end up looking at is, oddly enough, Katrina.

Her eyes are still red from crying, she fixes her glasses up on her nose and studies my face, “She wants us out.” Katrina says to everyone else, “Come on, she needs rest, she has been through enough. Leave her with Peter.”

Katrina walks to the side of my bed where Beth is and grabs her arm, “Come on, we’ll come back, just give her some time.”

I nod at Katrina as my thanks and watch their backs as they walk out of the room. Erwin and Levi aren’t budging, unwilling to leave me alone again. I guess I can’t really blame them for that.

Hange giggles, “Come on, boys! We’ll call on (y/n) to play later. Give her a moment.”

It’s nice to have Hange around, I just can’t bring myself to be the one to make people more comfortable or to make them laugh and be the entertaining one. I don’t have it in me this time. I’m sure they really don’t know how to approach me like this. I’m not crying, I don’t seem angry or in pain, so they really don’t know how to help and be there for me. But honestly, just having them there is enough for me.

I look at the 2 men and give them a half smile, in hopes that will be enough to let them know I’ll be okay, “Fine.” Levi mumbles and shrugs Hange’s hand off his shoulder, “I can lead myself out, four eyes.”

Erwin, however, pauses before exiting. He turns to me and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead before rushing out after them, before Levi could notice.

After the door closes behind him, dead silence falls in the hospital room. Only Peter and I remain now.

“I’m sorry, (y/n),” Peter is the first one of us to speak, “I really-“

“Tell me where I can fine Celeste.” I interrupt him, not interested in hearing his condolences.

“(Y/n), no,” He says firmly, “You’re not going down that road. It won’t do you any good.”

“I didn’t ask what was good for me,” I glare at him, “I asked for you to tell me where Celeste is.”

“Even if I did know I wouldn’t give you that information. Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better. It’s a slippery slope that will not end with Celeste.”

“No, but it’s the only thing I can do.”

“It won’t give you any peace-“

“You think I want peace? I don’t fucking want peace! I don’t deserve peace! I want to rip her and Laurie apart with my bare hands. I don’t deserve to feel peace! This is my fault!”

“Come on, (y/n), you know that isn’t true.” Peter replied carefully.

“Isn’t it though? People around me that I love are dropping like flies. I’m the common denominator in all of their lives. Mac, Mom and now Ben.”

“Correlation does not equal causation, (y/n). You can’t seriously believe that. You’re not in your right mind right now, so-“

“Oh god,” I whisper, “I should really warn Erwin and Levi... They are probably next.”

“(Y/n)-“

“Tell me where she is.”

“Can you stick to one thought process at a time, please?” He groans, “You’re going to give me whip lash.”

“Tell me where I can find Celeste.” I repeat sternly.

“I don’t know where she is. Do you know why she got involved?” Katrina must have filled him in about Celeste’s suspected involvement in Ben’s death.

“I don’t care to know her side,” I stand up from my bed and walk closer to him, “I don’t want to hear anything she has to say! I protected her! I told her my secrets! Picked her up off the ground and washed the blood away! Comforted her, stuck up her and took beatings for her! No, I need to find her.”

“How? Hmmm? How do you plan on finding her? You have little to no control over your body!” Peter argues.

“You’re just trying to protect her and Laurie, aren’t you?!”

“Don’t be stupid! I’m not protecting them, I’m protecting you! Killing for survival is something you’ve had to do before, but killing someone you love, someone you considered family... That’s going to change you, and I don’t see you ever coming back from that.”

“Well I guess I better find out quickly then. I’m sure I’ll die of unnatural causes after I find her.”

“(Y/n)-“

“Shut up and-“

I pause as I feel a lump in the pit of my stomach fighting it’s way up my esophagus. I grab onto the bed railings for support as I vomit up dark red blood on the floor.

“Shit! (Y/n)!” Was the last thing I heard before I passed out on the ground at Peter’s feet.

....

_As I walk down the corridor, I begin to hear raised voices, I can definitely recognize Laurie as being one of them. Who is he arguing with now?_

_“Yeah? Well I don’t understand your blind faith in the man, Lawrence!” A male voice I couldn’t quite place said, “You’re putting all your eggs in one basket! I know you desire power above all else, but there is going to be a time when you are going to have to choose a side!”_

“ _I don’t need to choose a side, David,” Laurie growled, “I have them where I want them.”_

_“Yeah?! What’s Reiss going to say when he finds out the truth behind those experiments, hmm? When he finds out I refuse to get myself involved, do you hear me? Don’t come to me asking for my help when he starts to go after you! I have to lay low!”_

_“I’m not worried about it, I keep him distracted enough.”_

_“Yeah? And what does the King say to this?”_

_“Please,” Laurie scoffed, “The man is weak, he goes along with whatever I recommend.”_

_“(Y/n)? What are you doing?”_

_I turn to see Ben walking down the hallway, “Eavesdropping, obviously.”_

“ _At least you come by it honestly,” He snickers, “Let’s go, leave my father and Lawrence to do what they do.”_

_“Do you know what they would be talking about?” I ask him curiously as he led me out of the corridor._

_“My father doesn’t usually discuss what goes on with Lawrence with me.” He shrugs, leading me over to a bench to sit at, “How are you doing? You don’t look well.”_

_I lower my eyes from his, and here I have always thought I was pretty good at hiding my true feelings. But, as usual, Ben sees right through that._

_I can feel him narrow his eyes at me as I pretend to be interested in some freshly manicured shrubs. Suddenly I feel a gentle poke on my back, causing me to yelp in pain and jump up from the bench._

_“Ow! Ben!” I shriek at him, “What are you doing?!”_

_“I ran into Celeste,” Ben admits, “She told me you received a particularly bad punishment from Lawrence. Let me see.”_

_I narrow my eyes at him, I’ll have to talk to Celeste later about that. She shouldn’t be getting Ben involved, he has enough to deal with._

_“No.” I say firmly and cross my arms as I stare at him._

_“Please, (y/n),” He begs me with his warm grey eyes, “It can’t be that horrible... right?”_

_“Ben, don’t-“ He doesn’t need to see that, not after everything that has happened._

_“(Y/n), it’s just me. Show me, I’m not going to go on a rampage.”_

_With a sigh I turn my back to him and slowly pull up my shirt to expose my back. I hear him breathe in sharply as he looks at the fresh ‘slut’ scar on my back._

“ _When did he do this?” He growled lowly as he gently touched the tender flesh around my fresh scar._

_I winced at his touch, “Last week.”_

_He falls silent again and moves his hand so I can pull my shirt back down._

_“Is it because of Mac?” He asked me quietly._

_I turned to face him again, “Yeah.”_

_“I’ll talk to my father,” Ben mumbled angrily as he pulled me into a tight hug, being careful not to touch my new scar, “I won’t let you stay here.”_

_“No,” I say firmly, “I can’t go, I have to stay here. I’m close, I’m going to find out the secrets Laurie is trying to hide and I’m going to expose whatever it is they are up to.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“I don’t know. But I just feel like I’m on to something. Something big...” I trail off as I try to collect my jumbled thoughts._

_“Okay,” He sighs, “I understand. But please, please don’t get too involved. I don’t want to lose you too. Hey, if you come with me, we can figure things out together. I’ll do what I can to help you.”_

_“I won’t get you involved in this, Ben. It’s dangerous.”_

_“All the more reason why you should just come home with me!” He insists._

_“No Ben, it’s not just that. I can’t leave Celeste here by herself. She needs me.” I appeal to him._

_“I understand that, (y/n). But she isn’t my concern, you are.”_

_“Benjamin!” I hear David’s booming voice yell from down the corridor, “What are you doing? I asked you to wait by the carriage!”_

_“My apologies father,” Ben replied, “I just wanted to see my sister.”_

_“Ah yes, the widow, that friend of your’s was foolish, Benjamin. Don’t touch her,” He stared down at me as Ben placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, his bald head was shining from the afternoon sun. His dull brown eyes glare at me through his thick glasses, “What have I told you about coming to see her? It isn’t safe to be around her. Indeed, she does have a knack for getting people killed.”_

_“Let’s be honest here, David,” I smirk up at him, “This is the real reason why you hate me,” I say to him as I point at my face, the face that so resembles my mother it’s scary, “Because I am living, breathing, walking and talking proof that the wife you ‘love’ so much fucked another man.”_

_I could see his hands clench into fists as his anger started to hit a boiling point at my words. Good, that was my goal after all. I hate the man, and he has always hated me. I’ve never done anything to him, but he is punishing me for the crime of being born, and when he sees me he doesn’t let me forget it. I am the only one of my mother’s children that look exactly like her. My siblings have traces of her, but they mostly resemble David._

_Ben gives me an exasperated look, probably frustrated that I purposely push his father’s buttons. But fuck it, I’m way beyond the point of trying to get him to accept my existence, we will always hate each other. Ben must understand that by now._

_“Dad, come on,” Ben coaxes his father back to the carriage, “I’ll see you later, (y/n). Be safe, okay?”_

_“Oh wait!” I get an idea. I go into my pocket and pick up the bag I stole off of one of the MPs from the lounge earlier today. I like messing with them, it’s so easy. Watching them implode is a beautiful site._

“ _Go! Fetch!” I wink at Ben as I throw the bag over to them. Ben raises his eyebrows at me and then at his father. Ben knew what that meant, and what I threw at them. He did teach it to me after all._

_David glares at me as Ben picks it up, “Took that off of one of your boys in the lounge, David. Thought you may want to add it to your secret stores.”_

_David grabs the bag from Ben and pushes him in front of him as he rushes out. I smirk to myself, that should give Ben some uncomfortable questions to ask his father. I’m sure he has never told Ben about his little ‘side business’._

_Pleased with myself, I head off toward the dorms to look for Celeste. I know she meant well by telling Ben about what Laurie carved onto my back, but I want to spare him. He lost Mac too, and he doesn’t need to worry any more about me than he already does._

I slowly open my eyes instead of jerking awake, which is a nice change of pace. I rub at my eyes and wait for them to adjust to the darkness of the room. I’m still in my hospital bed, and Levi and Erwin are sleeping soundly on each side of me.

They really are too good to me, I don’t deserve their love and attention. Especially knowing what I need to do next. I don’t care what Peter says, I’ll find Celeste. Whether I have his help or not.

The best person I can think of who may know something is Kenny. He sees a lot of shit go down, and maybe he has an idea or knows someone who may know where Celeste is.

Every time I think about her my blood boils. All the signs were there, the signs that I have been ignoring for too long. Anytime I felt myself thinking Celeste’s behaviour was strange, I would scold myself for thinking about it, and push it from my mind.

Those times when she came to visit me, I noticed it was off for her to be there. But it makes sense if Laurie himself let her go. They are not exactly allowed to leave his residence at their leisure. So Laurie did allow her to be with Ben... Laurie was more strict when it came to his pets and relationships after Mac died. 

I’m convinced he only let Mac buy me because he knew Mac wouldn’t last long as a scout. Then when I came back to him, I was more broken and defeated than I was before.

Laurie only allows his pets to be in relationships if it benefits him. Judging by that memory in my most recent dream, whatever Laurie has been up to behind the scenes has not been approved by his oldest friend, David.

But what was he doing? And what does Ben have to do with it? A lump forms in my throat when I think of Ben. Sure he slept with quite a few of my co-workers, but he was extremely picky when it came to relationships. Actually, I don’t think he was ever in a traditional relationship before Celeste. I remember I used to tease him about that a lot. Yet, the one he finally chose to give his heart to... Celeste. My best friend, as close me as a sister, someone I would trust everything to, betrayed me in the worst way I can think of.

I don’t care if Laurie forced her, were I in her position, I would have sooner died than do anything to hurt her. But it’s too late now, and there is only one thing to do.

I get out of my bed as quietly as possible, making sure I don’t awake Erwin or Levi. They are too good to me... They must be really tired to be sleeping as heavily as they are, and as usual, it is probably my fault.

My legs seem to be working okay so far, but I don’t know how long that is going to last. My hands are even beginning to tremble again. I need to find Peter and fast. As I walk down the hallway after a few minutes, I see Peter’s office in my sites. But, of course, my body feels it is the perfect time to stop functioning.

I land with a loud thud onto the hard floor and cry out in frustration. No, I’m not letting this stop me, I’m going to find Celeste. I’m going to find her and Laurie if it’s the last thing I ever fucking do.

My body is exhausted, but my determination is keeping me going. I drag my useless body along the floor toward Peter’s office. I can see full candle light flickering under the door. Excellent, he should be in there.

I can’t reach up to get a hold of the door knob, so I knocked at the lower part of the door. I hear him sigh from behind the door and get up from his desk. I listen to his loud footsteps stomp across his office.

He opens the door and I can see the confused look on his face when he opens it and sees no one there at his eye level... I can’t help it, it’s too perfect of an opportunity to pass up.

“BAH!” I scream and grab onto his foot, making him shriek and fall back into his office, landing right on his ass.

“(Y/n)?!” He squints at me as he pushes himself up off the floor, “Stop scaring me!”

“I couldn’t help it,” I laughed, “It was beautiful.”

“What the hell are you doing out of bed?” He groans at me.

“It’s such a nice evening, so I figured I would go slithering down the hallways, you know, for fun.”

He sighs and picks me up off the floor and brings me into his office, “Why are you here so late?” I ask him, watching the shadows cast by the candle light dance off his tired features.

Peter places me down in the chair across from his desk and sits across from me, looking through some papers on his desk.

“I can’t leave here without knowing what’s going to happen to you next, and what you plan on doing.”

“Yeah, okay Peter,” I roll my eyes, “You just don’t want to go home and face Grace or Ellen... Or both.”

“There is that too,” He nods, “So, what brings you slithering to my office this evening?”

“You know why.”

Peter takes his eyes off of the papers on his desk to look at me, “(Y/n), not like this.”

“Well how then, Peter?!” I throw my hands up in frustration, “You’ve been bugging me and people around me to take your formula. Well, here I am. Give it to me.”

“What makes this different than the last time I asked you to allow me to inject you?” He inquired as he rests his chin on one of his hands.

“Because Ben is dead, and I’m the only one who can get revenge for him.” I state.

“That’s what you think? You think Ben would want you to get revenge for him?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“Ben’s dead, Peter. He doesn’t ‘want’ anything. Want me to re-phrase? Fine, ‘I want’ to get revenge for him.”

“You and I both know he was not that kind of person,” Peter shakes his head, “Especially if it involves Celeste.”

“I don’t care!” I slam my fist down hard, too far gone to be reasoned with, “I don’t care to hear your opinion on what Ben would or would not have wanted! He’s my brother! I can’t blame anyone else but myself for not seeing what Celeste and Laurie were really up to. But I see it now, and I’m not letting them get away.”

“What happened to taking the moral high road, not wanting to take advantage of the sacrifice of others so you could live?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly in my right mind right now. So just give it to me, I need to do this.” I insist.

Peter stares at me sadly, he’s been waiting to give me his formula to prolong my life for a while now. Shouldn’t he be happy about this? I sure as hell am not, it tears me apart that I am giving in. But I’m dying, if I keep declining as rapidly as I am, I won’t last a week. In my current condition, I can do fuck all but lay in bed and wait to die. Well I’m not doing that, I need time.. Time to find them.

“Give it to me, Peter.”

I can tell he is uncomfortable under the circumstances that I am asking for it. But regardless of that, I know he will give it to me. Then he can fuck off to the capital and I never have to see his face again.

“The path you’re going on, (y/n), the road you’re going down.. It’s going to kill you.”

“Incorrect,” I waggle my finger at him, “You, Banning and Laurie killed me a long time ago.”

He sits in silence for a bit longer then finally pushes his chair back with a dejected sigh. He walks over to one of his glass cabinets and pulls out a small locked box.

Peter brings the box back over to his desk and puts it down. He goes into one of his drawersto fish out a key. Once it is open he pulls out a syringe with a light blue translucent liquid.

“Hold out your arm.” He instructed me, holding his hand out to receive it.

I do as he asks and offer him my arm. He wipes the area with a sterile alcohol solution and cups his hand under my elbow. I look at the needle itself and note that it is thicker than a normal one... Perfect.

Peter notices me examine the needle, “The formula is thicker. It has to be administered through a needle with a wider diameter.”

“Just do it.” It’s not like I’m not used to pain. I look away, trying not to think about it. Trying not to think of all this time I have spent on refusing this. How much people have suffered for this. But I can’t stop now. I need to do this, I’ll find Celeste. That’s what I’m living for right now, as pathetic as that sounds.

He doesn’t warn me, he sticks the needle in causing me to gasp a little. It hurts. I feel the thick fluid go from the syringe into circulation in my body. Travelling around to all the areas that are in disrepair... Which at this point is pretty much everywhere.

As soon as Peter takes the syringe out of my arm, I feel the effect immediately. I don’t feel any pain. Not only that, I feel energized.

I stand up from my chair and nod at Peter. I make my way toward the door and pause when I hear him speak up again, “Please, (y/n), don’t throw this chance away. Take this opportunity to make a better life for yourself. I beg you.”

I looked back at him, the dark bags under his eyes are more exaggerated by the candle light.

I keep my back to him, “Take are of yourself, Peter. If I don’t see you before I’m killed, I’m sure I’ll see you in hell.” I offer him a small smile and a wink.

I close his office door behind me and run across HQ to get to my room. I grab a bag and start packing up my clothes. There is only one place I can go to get the information I seek. I may even run into Kenny while I’m there. If not, I’m sure I can find someone who may know where he is. I’m in the mood to get back into that ring and kick some ass too if I have to. I have some anger building up in me, to put it mildly.

Of course my mind travels to the people I care about here. Levi, Erwin, Hange, Beth, my squad... They’re going to be angry with me and I know if I looked into Levi or Erwin’s eyes and they asked me to stay... I probably would.

But I can’t, I have to do this. I can’t be distracted by them. Plus, I can’t have them getting involved, who knows what I’m really getting myself into. I won’t put a target on their backs bigger than the one they already have.

I bite at my lip nervously and grab some parchment from my bedside table and start scribbling out a note to Hange. Hopefully this will keep them at bay for now.

I fold my note neatly and head to Hange’s office. She may not be here though, she may be back at the house in the woods with the rest of Squad Levi. I make it there quickly, not even breathing heavily from all the running... I guess it’s good to be back.

I grab the handle on her door leading into her office and my heart jumps when I realize is isn’t locked. Does that mean she really is still here?

I walk into the dark office and smile when I see her snoring loudly at her desk. I carefully walk over to her and slip the note under her arm.

“Bye Hange.” I whisper to her as I sneak back out of my room.

I readjust my bag of clothes on my shoulder and walk back toward the hospital wing. I have to see their faces again.

When I got there I sigh with relief when I see they are both still sleeping deeply. Erwin was closer so I go to him first. His blonde hair is still neatly in place and his head is tilting back slightly.

“Bye Erwin,” I kiss his forehead, “I love you.”

I turn to Levi next. His raven hair is covering his eyes, head leaning forward rather than back, breathing steadily. I brush some of his soft hair aside so I could kiss his forehead, “Bye Levi, I love you.”

As I turn to leave the hospital wing I could feel tears start to fall from my eyes. Stop it, (y/n). You have a job to do. I wipe at my eyes with my sleeve and run out of HQ. I’ll have to travel on foot, I can’t bring my horse, he should be up here relaxing. He deserves a much needed break from my foolish antics as well.

It’s better this way, after all, there is not much use for me to bring my horse to the underground.


	48. Chapter 48: Deteriorating

**Time skip... A few weeks later**

**Author's POV**

It's eerily quiet out in the streets. Even at this time ofearly evening, you would expect people to be out and about. But the conditions in the underground are getting more desperate, and not a lot of people are out roaming around anymore. Even the most hardened of underground thieves are becoming more wary.

A man from the MPs was looking nervously around him as he did his rounds walking up and down the streets. The feeling of someone following him was making him more and more paranoid.

He knows someone has been targeting MPs in the underground. But he has been able to evade this person thus far, and he plans on continuing that. Some say it is one person, others say it is a group of people targeting MPs down here. Or, maybe it is both.

Since there is not a lot going on out in the streets tonight, he decided to take a break in one of the brothels. The one by Pearson's orphanage is probably the best one to go to down here.

The MP officer makes his way over to the Layflower, suspicions about being followed moved to the back of his mind as he looks forward to 'relaxing' at the brothel.

But wherever he went, there was a boy in the shadows of buildings leading down the narrow alleyways. He has been monitoring his movements for the past few days, learning the officer's habits. He was thankful that he didn't seem to be deviating from his regular routine.

He followed the officer until he reached the front door of the Layflower. He breathed a sigh of relief and waits patiently outside.

"Captain Gerhard!" The older woman behind the bar gushed when he walked in, "Lovely to see you again, how can we please you this evening?"

"Someone new." The MP officer, Gerhard, requested as he handed her payment up front. He looked around at the crowded first floor for a new face. The woman was used to hearing that request from him, she knew he enjoyed variety.

"Of course," She smiles brightly, "I think I have just the girl for you."

The woman walked out from behind the bar and gestured for him to follow her upstairs. He does so eagerly, admiring the half-naked women wandering around the other men and women as he walked.

Men and women working in the brothel were always excited when MPs came by. They usually tipped more for their services, it also doubled as hush money.

Gerhard casually noted that the further they went up, the less people were around. By the time the they reached the uppermost floors, he barely saw or heard anyone else around. He wondered what type of woman this was he was being lead to. But he was more intrigued than he was nervous.

"Right in here, sir," The older woman smiled at him as she opened the door, "I hope you're okay with something a little different; she likes to play rough this one." She winked.

Gerhard hasn't been with a more dominant prostitute before, but the idea excited him, "That may be a nice change of pace." He replies with a nod at the woman and she closes the door behind him.

The girl was already in the room, looking out the window. He noted that she was rather short, a smirk spread across his face when he thought of the short girl being aggressive and dominating. How cute.

"Ah, hello there!" The girl turned around when she heard Gerhard close the door, "I hope you don't mind being a little more submissive today, Gerhard."

Gerhard was taken by the girl's musical voice, so much so he didnt even find it suspicious that she knew him by name, when to his knowledge they have never met before. The voice though, he couldn't help but think that he had heard it before. However he brushed it aside. The girl walked closer to Gerhard, brushing some silvery coloured hair out of her face.

She smiles widely up at him as she walked closer. He could smell a sweet scent emanating from the girl that hypnotized him even more. Along with her delicate features that were being a little obstructed by her hair. She reached up slowly and removed his jacket, "Since you're here, I'm assuming you're okay with letting me take the lead. I hear you like a little variety."

"I am looking for something a little different, yes," He chuckles, "How do you want to start."

"Do you have a safe word?" She asks him as she begins to unbutton his shirt.

"I'll be fine, sweetheart," He smirks down at her, "Do your worst."

"If you so desire." The girl smiles up at him again and begins to remove his pants, "On the bed." She gestured to the double bed by the window.

Gerhard does as she asks and lays down on the bed. The girl goes to the table beside the bed and grabs some restraints out. She grabs his arms and ties them to the bed posts.

"Hey," Gerhard laughed, "These are a little too tight."

"I know," She continues to smile sweetly at him, "They're supposed to be. Just wait, you'll see."

He tries to relax as she ties up his feet as well. He is starting to feel a bit uneasy. She goes to the other side of the room where there is a large wardrobe. She goes into it and takes out a trey of miscellaneous tools.

Gerhard strains to look at what the girl is up to, and when he sees the contents of the trey the alarm bells finally began to ring loudly in his head.

"What are those for?" He asks the girl as the smile starts to disappear from his face.

"You don't recognize these?" She asks him, "They are your's, aren't they?"

"What is your name?" He glares up at the girl, "Who are you?"

The girl continues to put on her fake smile, "It may not be in the way you wanted it to happen, but I remember you telling me you would, 'pay a lot of money to get into my bed'. You don't remember me? How about now?"

Without warning the girl grabs tightly onto the man's groin, causing him to shout and jump as high as the restraints would allow him to.

"Still nothing?" The girl hummed, "How about now..?"

She removed the silvery coloured wig to reveal (h/l) (h/c) underneath, "No way," He groaned when he realized who you were, "Of course it would fucking be you, (y/n) (l/n)."

"Like I mentioned, I know this isn't exactly what you had in mind when you bothered me at that bar, in front of my squad when we were minding our own business. You're just so used to women surrendering to you, they don't dare put up a fight against you, do they? Well, no matter, we're going to switch roles actually. Gosh, some men are so stupid when they think they're about to get their dicks wet." You smirk down at him as he squirms uncomfortably.

"Look who's talking, shouldn't you be more careful? Letting Elias go was probably a bad idea, he likes to talk." Gerhard says, trying to distract you, knowing that one of his fellow officers had a run in with you not that long ago.

"Good," You mumbled, "I want them to know. And since I have been able to get to you, I know I'm getting closer."

You grab a small knife off of the trey you put by the bedside table, "Let's get started, shall we?" You ask him as you climb on top of him and stare down at him.

"Let's start with an easy one, yes? Have a little warm up. How long have you been working in the underground?" You ask your first question as you twirl the small knife between your fingers.

He wasn't sure how much you knew, if anything at all. For all he knew, you could be bluffing. Most MPs in the underground were on high alert, aware that some MPs were being caught and tortured.

"A month." Gerhard answered, staring at the knife you played with between your fingers.

You stop twirling the knife and press it to your lips, playfully contemplating his answer, "Incorrect, a month and 2 weeks. Are you really going to start out uncooperative?"

You lean forward and slowly poke the knife underneath one of his nails, "What the fuck?!" He helped in pain and squirmed around underneath you.

"Stop whining, you pussy. No one is going to hear you. Plus, I'm only using the techniques you've used on others. It is a simple as that. I thought having all your familiar equipment would make you feel more comfortable. The only difference with me is if you answer honestly, I'll consider letting you go. That's an offer you don't even think to offer your victims, huh?"

You remove the knife and sit back up, "I want precise answers, Gerhard," You glare down at him, "I should tell you that you have been followed for a little while now. I know your schedule, I know where you eat, what you eat, when you shit, when you burp, who you fuck, who you talk to in a day, every little mundane detail. So, I would advise against lying to me. Consider this your one and only warning."

You were growing more and more frustrated being in the underground. You weren't making as much progress as you had hoped you would have by now, and you were growing even more tired of trying to make sense of the information you have collected so far.

"So what do you want?" Gerhard groaned, "Pearson's location? Good luck figuring that one out, or finding a person down here that knows that."

"I'm not looking for Laurie," You reply, "I'll find him eventually, or he will find me. No, I want the names of the other men that were involved of the planning and carried out my brother's murder."

"Twirl that knife around all you want, bitch," He growled, "You're going to be hard pressed to find that information."

"Oh, I don't know about that," You smile menacingly down at him, "I have my ways of making you guys talk."

**Hange's POV**

"I think we can agree it's the Reeves Company that is involved, it's the only solid lead we have been able to get so far. We need to set something up to prove it though." I appeal to Levi. It is becoming harder to reason with him these days... For obvious reasons.

"You say the Reeves Company, but where the fuck is your proof, four eyes?!" Levi snapped back at me, "You want to set up a trap to prove they are working with the MPs, but you haven't explained how you came to this revelation! I'm not wasting my time on something like this without probable cause!"

It's true, I haven't fully explained myself, but I can't tell him I got the information from (y/n)... He will just interrogate me further about her. The note she left me didn't leave me a lot to go on, but, none the less, I memorized the whole thing...

' _Hange,_

_I'm sorry, but I had to go. I can't face Erwin or Levi because I know they could convince me to stay if they knew what I plan on doing. I figure telling you is better than not saying anything to anyone. I have to find out why my brother was killed, and who else is involved. I am going to the underground, it's a good a place to start as any._

_While I'm down there, if I find out anything that will help you guys on your own mission, I will write to you. I won't tell you where I am specifically underground, but I will be somewhere safe... I understand that sounds like an oxymoron, a safe place in the underground; it is as safe as a place can be underground I guess._

_Please talk Erwin and Levi out of coming to find me. I'll continue to write to you periodically so you know I am well. If they come and find me, I'll move on to somewhere else and I will make sure none of you will find me. I can't get them involved, I'm going to have a big target on my back and I can't have them being in more trouble because of me._

_Also, I offer my house to you if you need to switch locations. I left the key in my bedside table in my dorm room. Use it at your leisure._

_Stay safe,_

_(Y/n)'_

I double checked with Dr. Thompson, just to confirm what her absence already implied, that she had indeed taken his formula again so she could do what she sought out to. It would be much more problematic on her part to get out of HQ when she could barely walk. He didn't seem too happy when I asked him about it, but he did confirm that he had.

I'm sure the circumstances of her finally agreeing to take it were not ideal, but at least she will be around a bit longer yet. I say that, but who knows what she is getting herself involved in. That alone can get her killed at any time.

It was tough dodging around questions, Levi and Erwin get much more pushy when it come to (y/n). But I respected her wishes and I haven't told them she is in the underground. Though, truth be told, I'm pretty sure they already know where she went. I made sure I told them not to go looking for her because it would only make things worse, and she will make herself even harder to find.

I can see how hard it is on them, but they did as she requested and they haven't gone looking for her... That I know of anyway. It is too risky for Levi to be seen too much in public, but I'm not sure about Erwin... I wish I could write to her as well, but I don't exactly know what she is up to in the underground or if she is trying to disguise herself. I can't address a letter to her, that's too risky.

"Oi!" Levi snaps his fingers in front of me, "Shitty glasses! Quit staring off into space and answer me!"

Their tempers are definitely shorter with me at the moment, angry that I won't give them any information about (y/n) or what she said to me, "Sorry, what was your question?"

Levi slams his fist down on the table, making the rest of his squad jump, "How the fuck do you know the Reeves Company is involved?!"

"Well, I don't 'know' definitively, it's just a theory-"

"How the fuck did you come up with it?!"

"(Y/n) told me." I admit with a sigh.

He froze when I said her name, "You saw her? When?" He demanded.

"She writes to me and updates me on her, umm... searches."

Levi sits back in his chair, deep in thought, running his hand impatiently through his hair.

"How did she find out?" Armin asks me from across the table. Conversations were erupting around us, excitement that I had heard from (y/n), but also concern.

"Classified." I tease him.

I can hear the scrapping of a chair as Levi stands up from his seat, "How did she find out?" He re-asked Armin's question, but in a more dangerous tone.

"I don't know, I only-"

"Stop being fucking vague," He growled, "This isn't funny, tell me where she is. Now."

"You know I'm not going to do that, Levi," I sigh, "We've been over this. She doesn't want to get anyone else involved because we have enough on our plates. And you can't go wandering around looking for her either, it's too risky."

I can tell he is fighting really hard to not flip the table, I understand his frustration. I receive the same kind of icy glare from Erwin too. They were at least satisfied to hear she did take Thompson's formula, but that satisfaction quickly gave way to frustration when I refused to cooperate by offering them her letter.

It has definitely been a point of contention with them and myself. I'm trying to buy (y/n) more time to explore what she needs to. However, these men won't stay at bay for much longer.

"We need to figure out a way to expose them," I try to change the subject back to the original topic, "I've been thinking about it, if they are after Eren and Historia, we need to prove it before we make anymore moves."

Levi glares at me as if he's about to argue with me more, but he decides against it, "What do you propose?"

I sigh with relief as he finally sits back down, ready to discuss a plan.

**Your POV**

I made my way down the stairs of the Layflower, stomping down the steps in frustration. I didn't learn anything new from Gerhard. He couldn't tell me anything I don't already know. I basically tortured him for no reason. Not going to say he didn't deserve it, I'm making a habit to only torture the ones who have been known to torture and kill others for Laurie. That way I can still look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day.

I'm finding I'm just starting to grow numb to it, I've been able to avoid killing anyone. But who knows how long I'm going to be able to avoid that. Honestly, I want them to go to Laurie and tell him it's me causing problems down here. I want to force him into making rash decisions, or panic or cause him to screw up in some way. He is a clever man... But he's not as clever as he thinks he is.

I head toward the front door, lost in thought, when a voice calls out to me, "Hey! Money! Let's go, (y/n/n)!"

It was the older lady that brought Gerhard up to the room, she works behind the bar mostly. Her and I have a deal, she agrees to let me 'question' some of her MP customers that frequent her brothel. In exchange, I give her 100% of the money or goods they have on them. As well as a cut of the money Uwe gets from me being in the fighting ring. Whatever, I'm not doing this for the money, so of course I agreed.

"Yeah yeah," I smirk at her as I toss the large bag of coins at her, "Here you go you miserable old hag."

"How big of a mess is it this time?" She asked me as she starts to count out the money.

"Not as messy as with Elias," I comment, "I only had to break 3 fingers before he started singing."

"Brilliant, shouldn't take long to clean it."

"I wouldn't say that," I say with my hand on the door knob, "I'm pretty sure he shit himself when I threatened to castrate him. You're going to have to untie him. Bye! Love you!"

"You get back here and-"

But I didn't wait to hear her command, I exited the brothel and started heading back to Uwe's bar.

"How did it go?"

I turn my right to see Ash stepping out from the shadows, "Not great," I admit as he falls into step beside me, "He didn't tell me anything we don't already know. But He did confirm what Elias admitted to me when he claimed the MPs are split right now. Those who support Laurie and the King, the group that stands with Rod Reiss, and the ones who continue to deny there is any kind of division."

"But nothing about why that is?"

"Only theories and speculation right now," I shrug, "Give that to me." I point at the small notebook he has with him, "I'll check your work on our way back."

"Sure," He nods and hands it over, green eyes gleaming excitedly, "I think you'll be impressed."

I take the note book from him and open it up. In exchange for Ash's help with tailing MPs, I offered to help him learn how to read and write. His mother did her best when he and his sister were younger, but he hasn't had anything consistent. He's a smart kid and he's a fast learner.

"Still nothing on Kenny?" He asked me as I skimmed over his work.

"No," I sigh dejectedly, "But, if I'm lucky, word will get to him and maybe he'll come to me. What about you? Has the mystery person been back to my old house?"

Ash told me about that the first day I came down. He mentioned that the day I was down there to find Digman's daughter, a man in a hood went into my old house. It reminded me of when I went to the graveyard that day to visit my mother's grave. There was someone there in a hood standing at her grave. The chances are pretty good that's the same person who came down here and went into my old house.

I can't think of anyone else who would want to go into that house, since anything valuable in there would have been stolen a long time ago. Obviously this person has some kind of ties with my mother, right...?

"No," Ash answered, "But I'm still keeping an eye out, don't worry."

We walk in silence as I continue to read over Ash's work. It's great that he is taking this so seriously, he struggled at first of course, but he is doing really well now. If he works hard enough, maybe one day he can eventually move his family above ground if he plays his cards right.

"Good work, Ash," I praise him and offer a small smile as I pat him on the back, "I'm impressed. You're a very fast learner."

He blushes at my compliment and snatches the notebook from me, "High praise to get a smile from you these days. Was that a genuine smile? I don't think I have ever seen you 'genuinely' smile. But I don't deserve that much praise, my mother taught me what she could, so I'm not starting with no knowledge. Thanks for helping me."

"No problem," My smile grew wider, making his blush redder, "Thank you for helping me."

"Are you fighting anyone tonight?"

"Yeah, this one has information on Karl Krause," I nod, "He's the last name we know was involved in the whole operation. So hopefully this information is more promising."

I've been trying to figure out who the man was that Celeste ran away with. I was able to learn about several people who were involved with the murder of my brother. The ones I tracked down before did not look like the man I saw that day. None of them provided me any new information about the murder that I didn't already know.

At least one of them cracked and admitted the Reeves company is cooperating with Reiss' side. That may be the group that is looking for Eren other than the central military brigade. I made sure I wrote to Hange to give her a heads up. Sure, the information could be a dead end, but it's worth looking into.

"What are you going to do if he isn't the one you're looking for?" Ash interrupts my thoughts.

"I don't know," I admit, "I may have to start moving my investigation closer to the capital. I still haven't even been able to figure out why my brother was even killed. I've been here for nearly a month and all I really have to show for it is a few new scars from going into that damned ring."

"Don't act like you don't enjoy it," Ash chuckles, "I come to every one of those fights, and I've never seen you look happier than when you're kicking someone's ass."

"Yeah... There may be some truth to that."

"How much longer do you plan on being down here?"

"Trying to get rid of me?" I push him playfully, "I'll be here for however long it takes."

"I don't mind either way, but if you leave you're going to upset Uwe. He's made more money in the last few weeks than what he has earned in the past few years." Ash comments.

"We do have a pretty symbolic relationship," I respond thoughtfully, "I get to kick some ass, learn new information, and Uwe makes quite a bit of money on bets and people paying to get a front row seat. Most of them want to be the ones to finally see me be brought down."

"You should be more careful and selective, (y/n)," He scolds me, "There are no rules down here; you never know what someone may do."

"Whatever," I shrug nonchalantly, "It's bound to catch up to me eventually; for what is life but a count down to death?"

".... (Y/n) (L/n), from the school of inspiring quotes for the next generation."

"I never claimed to be a role model," I chuckle at his reaction, "Don't put that on me, you'll only be disappointed."

We chat the rest of the way back to Uwe's bar where I have been residing. He was only too happy to help me out because he knew he could make a lot of money off of me being there.

The first week was definitely the hardest, people were lining up to challenge me in the ring. And, of course, there has been people waiting to ambush me outside the bar as well. Looking for a quicker way to get their hands on me. If anything, at this point, they just want to be the one to beat me. The thugs who don't work for Laurie are more than willing to kill me, so I do still have to watch out for them.

Uwe would help me when he could, but I can handle them. Most of them won't kill me, they know now how important I am to Laurie. But anyone who sticks up for me, well, they are fair game. Plus, I use my size to my advantage, they can never keep up with my speed. They may get in some jabs, but in the end I come out on top.

I have to make sure I don't get cocky though, you never know what you're getting into down here. Even so, I'm prepared for whatever.

Ash and I walk into the bar and I'm relieved to see it is pretty dead at the moment, "There you are!" Uwe exclaims from behind the bar, "You're late! Here!" He throws a dirty cloth at me, "Wipe down tables for me, will you?"

"How the hell is this going to clean anything?" I squint my eyes at him, holding up the cloth he tosses at me, "I'm just going to spread the filth around! Captain Levi would never!"

I pause when I mention Levi's name... I miss him... I miss Erwin... I thought going without sex would be difficult, but it's easy when you're not attracted to anyone down here. It would be much harder if I still had to see them walking around with their perfect bodies, deep voices, hard yet soft touches, the way they look at me, the way they say my name, the way they...

Stop it, (y/n), you're only going to torture yourself, "Ash, since there isn't really anyone here yet practice your reading to me while I clean up, okay?"

**Levi's POV**

"Have you all read the note?" I ask my squad as they crowd around Eren to read Erwin's letter.

"Yes, but," Armin said nervously, "Captain Levi, this-"

"Erwin's orders," I interrupt him and grab the letter and hold it up to the candle on the table, "You trust him, right? Let's go."

They hurry to grab their things as I watch the letter burn. How did he even find this out? Doesn't matter, Erwin knows what he's doing and I trust his judgement.

"What about (y/n)?" I hear the titan brat ask as he heads for the door, "What if she comes back and we're not here and someone else is?"

I tense up again at the mention of her name, "She should have thought of that before she left," I mumbled, "Let's go."

Damn that woman, how dare she do this to me. She reveals this huge secret like it wasn't a big deal, I confess to her by accident, she gets worse, runs off to find her brother, finds him dead, she gets even worse, she takes the formula and runs off without a trace.

Yet she told Hange where she went. She has to be in the underground. I'm trying to abide by what Hange recommended, but fuck it's hard. I would feel better if I could just see her, just have actual physical proof that she is okay.

"Alright," I sigh as the rest of my squad files out of the house, "Let's get out of here fast."

We hurry away from the house and head up to an outcrop a mile or so from here, this way we can see if anyone does show up at the house. Everyone is silent as we head out over to it.

After awhile we make it to the outcrop and watch the house quietly, waiting to see what happened. And, almost on que, we see a group of people with torches creeping up to the house and investigating the perimeter.

"That was a close one," Connie commented quietly, "If we had stayed there tonight too, what do you think would have happened?"

"Captain, are they in the central military police?" Armin asked.

"Who knows," I shrug, "I didn't think they would actually come here, seems we have been underestimated though. Well, let's go, moons out so we can get to the meeting place easy enough."

We shoulder our weapons and walk into the darkness of the woods.

**Your POV**

"Good fight, (y/n)!" Uwe greets me as I walk out of the ring. Is he kidding? Was he watching? I almost got slaughtered in there... Literally. These ones were definitely out to kill me. They looked like they were apart of the gang that chased after me in Stohess. Shaved bald heads and dagger tattoos on their temples.

Breathing heavily I push past him, exhausted. I was against 2 that time and it wasn't pretty. I had some slashes on my legs and abdomen from their knives. I don't bring in any weapons, but maybe I should start, this is getting ridiculous.

They tried to make me lose focus by taunting me about my brother. I doubt there gang has any involvement in the murder, they seem to be more aligned with Kenny than with Laurie. I'm pretty sure Kenny still wants me alive though... Although, even if they are still aligned with Kenny, that doesn't mean they will listen to everything he says. I shouldn't listen to anything they have to say, they are just trying to wind me up... And I let them do it.

I take myself over to a large barrel of water outside of Uwe's bar and started trying to wash the blood off of me. Thanks to the dull candle light outside I can kind of see my face in the water. I didn't even know I had a gash on my forehead just above my eye. I touch it and wince, damn, that's going to scar...

I wash the blood off my arms, careful to avoid any open cuts, I can't use this water for that unless I want an infection. I jump when I feel Uwe pat me on the shoulder, "Don't do that! You should know not to sneak up on people in the underground! Do you want me to break your arm?"

"I said your name several times," He grumbled, "You were too deep in thought, it's not my fault you didn't hear me. Here."

He gives me a tiny bottle of dark liquid, "Thanks." I mumble as I unstopper it and drink it down. They more than likely poisoned their blades, taking it preemptively is a better idea than waiting.

He walks into his bar and holds the door open, "Come on, sit inside I'll clean that for you."

I do as he asks and sit down on one of the bar stools as he went to get some bandages and more sterile cleaning supplies, "What's with that face?" He chuckles as he comes back, "You won, didn't you?"

"One of them died," I commented quietly, "Should I be happy about that?"

"That's the game." He shrugged.

"I hate the game."

He raises his eyebrows at me as he stands in front of me, "I don't know if you've noticed, but everyone that gets in there with you is actually trying to kill you. Those guys don't work with Pearson, so they will pull out all the tricks to get to you."

"Doesn't mean I enjoy being a killer." I cringe as he dabs at the fresh gash on my forehead, "So, the information they gave me is factual?"

"To my knowledge, yes," He confirms, "You better head there quickly though, who knows if he is still there. The location they gave you is at least a couple weeks old."

"Good, I'll go after you're done. Hurry up."

"So impatient," Uwe tuts, "You should wait until tomorrow at the very least, your cuts are pretty deep, especially the one about your eyebrow."

"So stitch it up and clean the other ones."

He glared at me but decided against arguing with me further. I know they were trying to kill me, but that doesn't mean I took any pleasure in killing one of them. It's getting harder to play this game while still trying to hold onto my identity.

I feel like I'm not getting any closer, this is slowly starting to become hopeless. It's like no matter how many people I target, I'm not getting anywhere close to finding Celeste. The only person I can focus on right now is the man who ran off with her in the woods. He is the only people I can think of that may know where she is.

That's why I need to go through all the leads I can, I need to hunt down any name I'm given. The last name I was given has to be the guy. If this 'Karl Krause' guy is him, I will recognize him when I see him... At least I hope I do.

"Alright," Uwe mumbled when he finished, "Don't stay out too late though, young lady. You have lots of work to do tomorrow."

"Eh?! Why?"

"The blood in the ring isn't going to clean itself up, is it?" He smirks at me.

I roll my eyes at him, "Fine, fine." I pat his bald patch on top of his head which made him scowl.

I speed off to the tiny room he made for me in a vacant closet so I can get my hood. It'll be weird being back on the surface, but it will be nice to feel the breeze on my face again.

**Levi's POV**

"You didn't see any uniforms? Nothing to indicate who they were?" Hange asks me as we gather around the table.

"You're right," I scoff, "We should have hung around closer and risked getting caught so we could see what they were wearing."

"I understand that, Levi. I was only asking."

"Any more thought on how we are going to expose the Reeves Company?" I ask her, not wanting to argue with her further. Usually I would, but I'm too tired and frustrated to do it now, it just wouldn't be productive and we don't exactly have time on our side.

"Well, I propose we lure them out to make a move," Hange explained, "We'll keep Eren and Historia somewhere else, but we'll disguise a couple of your members on your squad as Eren and Historia as bait."

"Wait," We hear Eren speak up, "I don't want anyone's lives to be out on the line for me."

"Eren, if you haven't noticed, just being around you puts everyone's lives at risk," Jean rolls his eyes at him, "Doesn't really matter what we have to do at this point."

"I'm so glad you feel that way, Jean!" Hange gushes as she grabs onto Jean's hands, "Because I have a very special role for you!"

Right away Jean tried to back away from Hange's grip, but she has him tightly, "Congratulations, Jean! You're going to be reprising your role as stunt Eren!"

"No way! I don't want to be his stand in again! We look nothing a like!" Jean protested as Eren started laughing at him.

"I think you'll enjoy it, Jean," Connie chuckled, "You'll finally be the focus of Mikasa's affections."

Connie immediately stopped laughing when he sees the menacing look that Mikasa throws his way.

"I guess Armin is really the only one who can stand in for me," Historia added thoughtfully, "She may have been drunk at the time, but what (y/n) said was pretty accurate, Armin and I do look like we could be siblings."

My eyes narrow and my heart skips a beat at the mention of her name again. My fists clenched and I stared down at my cup of tea. I miss her, fuck I miss her. I miss everything about her, her laugh, her smirk, her genuine smile, the way she smelled, her weird remarks and jokes, her body, how good she feels against me, like she belongs there...

"I was thinking that too!" Hange giggled with Historia, "Well, we have our cast, now we just have to lay out the rest of the details."

We buckle down for another long night of going over the plan. I offer an opinion here and there, but my mind is still elsewhere...

**Your POV**

Fuck! That was completely pointless, as I feared, this guy was nowhere to be seen. The address I was given was to an abandoned property. It looked like it had been a few days since it was occupied. So I just missed him. The most frustrating part is I don't even know if it's even worth it to look this hard for the guy. He's the only name I have left, but I have no proof that he is actually the one I'm looking for.

I couldn't risk staying up there for too long, without a better disguise, in case I was spotted. I got a stupid scar on my face from that match and nothing to show for it. Who the hell am I supposed to target next? Have I seriously been wasting all the time I have spent finding names down here?

I've tried all the MPs and other associated thugs down here. I may have to start targeting more above ground. I want to avoid that, but it seems like I don't have a choice. Hopefully, even if I am spotted while investigating up there, people are still unwilling to go to the underground.

I stomp down the long stairway leading down to the underground. It's almost unnerving how quiet it is down here these days. I wonder what exactly they are planning. There seem to be more thugs spending their time above ground, the king seems to be granting some 'special' citizenships to those who are known to be working with Laurie.

Once I'm down the stairs, as usual, I stop and take a quick look at my old house. It's like a ritual now pretty much. Still looks the same as usual... Maybe I'm also a little freaked out about that person Ash told me about. Who just walks into an old abandoned house for no reason? Add that to the list of things I need to figure out while I'm down here.

As I'm walking toward Uwe's I can hear a faint whimpering sound. Curiosity gets the best of me and I go check it out. Typically I try to stay out of things, but I feel like I want to do at least some good today. Might as well take out my pent up anger on whoever is making that girl whimper.

The whimpering seems to be coming from this alleyway that seems to be a bit wider than the other ones. I walk in and right away I see a girl laying on the ground half way down the alleyway, laying between a couple mounds of trash that had been left there.

"Hey!" I call to her and pick up the pace, "Are you alright?"

The girl looks up at me with terrified eyes... Gods, she can't be more than 13... So young. Oh when I get my hands on the man that did this to her.

"Tell me what happened, who did this?" I kneel down next to her to examine her.

I didn't see any visible cuts or bruises on her. What happened to the poor girl, "Here, I'll help you up, can you walk?"

I hold my hands out for her to grab but she doesn't move. As I bend down to pick her up instead I hear a whistle and an intense pain in my shoulder, knocking me off my feet. I landed on my ass with a grunt, "What the hell?" I groan and try to ignore the pain as I sit up.

From the other side of the alley I can see a group of 3 men standing up from the shadow, one of them was holding a bow.

"Cool." I grunt as I push myself off the ground, but I double back right away. I see stars as my shoulder begs for me to be still. I look down and see an arrow sticking out of my shoulder.

"Thank you, sweetie," The man with the bow said to the little girl, "Here."

He tosses her a few coins, the girl looks at me, almost with pity, and she fled the area as fast as she could.

"You know, if you wanted to come play with me, all you had to do is ask." I smile at them as I lower myself closer to the ground again, by the trash, looking for something I could use as a weapon, they can see my knife strapped to my thigh, he'll shoot if he sees me go for it.

As the men come closer I can see they are apart of that gang with the daggers tattooed on their temples. Damnit, the arrow head is probably poisoned.

"I'm actually surprised you didn't see this coming," The man with the bow smirks as him and the 2 others walk closer, "You're growing more careless or do you have a death wish?"

"Why not both?" I wince as I stare at the arrow in my shoulder again, "You can't kill me, Kenny wants me alive, remember?"

"Yeah, he does, but here's the thing with that," He bends down so he is more eye level with me, "You killed one of my buddies earlier this evening."

"Yeah, he was a really pussy. Barley put up a fight, he went down real easy. Beaten by a little girl, make sure you put that on his grave stone." I tease him, trying my best to rile him up.

"Kenny wants you alive, sure," He leans in a little bit more, "But I don't take orders from him. Plus, as you say, he wants you alive. That doesn't mean we can't mess you up a little. Have a little fun with you... Maybe when we're done we'll send you piece by piece to Kenny and Pearson. Since they seem to both want you alive."

"Oh yeah?" I give him a seductive smile, "Why don't you tell me about what you want to do?"

I try not to show the pain I feel on my face as I slowly undo the top few buttons of my shirt. I could see his composure breaking as the look of lust in his eyes starts to take over, and I know I have him where I want him.

I wait for my moment to strike as his gaze shifts to my chest hungrily. Clutching onto the bottle I had found under one of the trash piles, I bite my lip to lure him closer. Once he is within range I smash the bottle on the side of his head.

Glass shards fly and as he falls back a bit I kick him away from me. He falls with his bow, unconscious on the ground. I try to get up, but one of the other guys is on me in an instant. He slams me against the wall and I shriek in pain when he jerks the arrow still stuck in my shoulder.

He wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes. He's holding me up by my neck now, feet trying to kick at him, but he merely grunts and ignores them. He knees me hard in the stomach and I can't see straight. My vision is starting to go spotty, I can feel myself passing out from the lack of oxygen going to my brain. I use my hands to try and loosen his grip on my neck, but only by a fraction.

I decide to take the risk and leg go of his hands, immediately allowing him to grip my throat tighter. With the last bit of strength I have left, I work up enough energy to give him an upper cut and hit him hard under his jaw. I hear his bottom teeth knock against his top teeth with enough force to knock him out too.

He drops me and I fall back to the ground, gasping for air. But the third guy moves in now, he starts kicking me repeatedly in the stomach, "How about some more internal bleeding?!" He laughs as he spits down on me, "What organs do you have that are actually still functioning without that titan formula, huh? That formula that took many from my gang, huh?"

So they know about that... Interesting.

"My kidneys... I think."

He kicks me so I'm laying on my back and he climbs on top of me, "We were going to leave you alive after we were done with you. Even though you've been an even bigger pain in the ass ever since you're dumbass came down here. Maybe some more kicks to your already irreparably damaged organs is in order."

"Was that you?" I gasp and smirk up at him, "I barely felt that. Oops, sorry, you must hear that a lot from women. Come on, daddy, show me what you got."

Anger flares in the burly man's eyes as be closed his hands around my neck too. Instead of clawing at his hands and arms I try to search for something else I could use. He lifts me by my neck and slams me against the ground again. I can feel blood pooling out from the back of my head.

I search more frantically now and he notices, "What do you think you're doing, cunt?" He smirks down at me, "Just relax and accept your punishment, it's been a long time coming for you."

He removes one hand from my throat and presses the arrow further into my flesh. He tries to cover my mouth with the hand that was choking me to silence my screams, but he made a mistake... And he knew it right away, but he was too late.

I bite down hard on his hand and he yelps and removes his other hand from the arrow. I waste no time, I grab the arrow and yank it as hard as I could out of me. A bad idea given the circumstances, but he is blocking my knife and I can't reach it. I'd rather die by blood loss than with his filthy hands around my throat.

Before he could react and restrict my movements again, I take the arrow, reach up and jam it into his neck. He gurgles profanities and topples off of me.

The man yanks the arrow out of his neck and puts his hand over the hole. But, unfortunately for him, I hit an artery, he'll bleed to death faster than I will.

I try to move myself away from the dying man and his unconscious co-conspirators, but I can't move. I groan in frustration, fuck! I was careless. If I ever get out of this alive, best believe I'll never fucking help anyone down here after this.

The only thing I can do is rip some fabric off my shirt and hope I can slow down the bleeding in my shoulder. I should probably pat them down for an antidote too for the poison that I'm sure they soaked the arrowhead in. But my adrenaline is subsiding and the pain is really kicking in.

I hear a groan and stirring as I see the first man I knocked out was waking up. Shit. I try to go for my knife, but my shoulder screams for me to stop, "You stupid bitch," He groaned as he pushed himself off the ground, blood still pouring steadily down his face from the shards of glass sticking out of his skin, "You think your torment ends with us? More will come for you, we always will. No matter what Kenny says."

I try to say some smart ass remark, but I can't. My throat is so tender from all the choking. All I can manage in the moment now is a pathetic wheeze.

As he creeps closer to me I force myself to reach for the knife strapped to my thigh again, but this time I am distracted by a loud bang. I jerk my head up and see a hooded man holding a gun, and the man that was coming toward me lay limply at his feet.

The third man in the gang stirred and the hooded man went over to him next. The man looks up to stare at the hooded man, "You," He spat up at him, "What the hell are-"

But the rest of his sentence was cut off by another loud bang from the hooded man's gun. With all 3 men dead he makes his way over to me and I try to scoot away, but my back is against the wall, literally and figuratively.

"Get away!" I manage to say barely above a whisper.

He probably couldn't even hear me, he stepped closer to me and I was finally able to grab my knife and hold it in front of me. He pauses for a moment then just casually kicked it out of my hand.

"Don't." He hissed at me as he bent down toward me. His voice sounded weird, like it was muffled by something.

There was still some left over glass next to me from the bottle I smashed. I discretely wrapped my hand around one of the shards, as he grabbed my knife and pocketed it, and I waited for him to come closer.

"Cooperate." He snarls at me.

Right before he touches me I swipe at him with the shard of glass I got a hold of. I cut his hand open, but he merely grunts like it's nothing and slaps it out of my hand too.

It finally dawns on me, the hooded man in the cemetery, the one Ash saw at my old house.. Could this be the same guy? He has to know me, right? There wouldn't be just some random person who is willing to help me out of the goodness of their heart. I'm the only dumbass who pulls that bullshit.

"Who are you?" I wheeze at him, "Why are you following me?"

I try to look up under his hood, but it covers the top part of his head and face well, and his mouth is covered by a scarf. He wraps his hand with something and reaches toward me again.

"Don't!" I try to growl but it makes me cough. He ignores my protests and pulls on the arm that's attached to the shoulder I don't have a gaping hole in. How considerate of him.

I screech in pain at his harsh treatment and try to kick out at him. I hear him sigh at me, having enough of my flaying limbs. So then why the fuck doesn't he just leave me here? There is no way I'll agree to go anywhere with him.

Once he pulls me to my feet he knocks me out cold.

....

I wake up with a groan, pain radiating throughout my whole body. Well, that's nothing new, is it?

"Don't move." I hear a male voice warn me.

I try to jerk up only to come to the realization that something is holding me down. I look up to see the smirking face of Kenny leaning on top of me, preventing me from getting up.

"I'm trying to stitch you up, stupid. Be still."

I don't really have much of a choice, so I try and let my muscles relax a little. I look at my shoulder and I can see that he is just finishing up the stitches.

"You're still as popular as ever." He comments.

"Who is the man in the hood?" I ask him quietly, my throat still hurt whenever I try to speak above a whisper, "Last time I saw him in the cemetery, then you showed up. Now I see him again, and I wake up with your ugly mug staring down at me."

"Ah, but there are many people who wear hoods down here," He teases me, "How do you know this 'hooded man' and I are connected?"

"Because both times I've seen him, I see you too. It may be a stretch, but I don't think that's a coincidence."

"He's an 'associate.'"

"If he is only an associate, why was he in my old house and at my mother's grave?" I rebut.

Kenny pauses, I see his composure falter a little bit when I mention that, he looks annoyed... interesting. Did he not know about the part where he was at my old house?

"How do you know he went to your old house?" He mumbled, "Were you there?"

"No-"

"Then how do you know it was him? You have no proof he was ever in your old house." He argues.

"Why so defensive?" I smirk up at him this time.

"Just pointing out flaws in your logic." He replied simply.

"Why is he following me?"

"I've already told you that I need you alive. Stop trying to get yourself killed."

"Why?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"All in good time," The smirk appears on his face again, he does enjoy being elusive, "I've also heard that you have been asking around about me too. What do you want? Bring big brother Ben back from the dead?"

"Who is Karl Krause and where can I find him?" I ask, ignoring his teasing.

"Sorry sweetie," He sneered, "You don't get anything for free with me, you know that."

"Who do you want me to kill?" I ask, morals going out the window, not caring anymore, "I'll go after whoever."

"You've had quite the change of heart," He noted, "It wasn't long ago when you claimed you wouldn't kill for me after Digman. Didn't want to kill anyone else on your pursuit for the truth."

"Things change."

"Indeed. Well, unfortunately for you my condition have also changed. You want information on Krause? I want information on the scouts."

I freeze... Huh? Why is he targeting the scouts now? Is he after Eren and Historia too? Another piece of information I should probably tell Hange.

"Why?"

"You don't need to know that," Kenny says as he finishes up my stitches and offers me an antidote in case that arrow was dipped in poison, "You don't hear me asking why you're looking for Krause now, do you?"

"That's because I'm sure you already know why I'm looking for him."

"This is true. You're stupid mission to bring some meaning to your brother's death is truly pathetic. You can't give meaning to the meaningless."

I glare up at him, "Oooo, I'm so scared." He chuckles as he finishes wrapping my shoulder and stands up.

"So you're not going to give me anything on him? Even after going out of your way to help me?" I ask as I push myself carefully up from my laying position.

"I don't care about your mental well being, I told you, my interest with you is only that you stay alive until the time comes. I don't care what you do in the mean time, as long as it doesn't involve dying. Unless you want to give up the scouts secret location."

"Still at HQ, I imagine."

"You know who I'm referring too, the ones in hiding," He leans in toward me again, "Come on, they can handle themselves against me. What? Are you afraid they are too weak to face me? Don't you want to get the person who knows exactly what happened to your brother, and then you guys can catch up on old times."

"What do you mean? Do I know him?"

He smiles, "Oh, did I say that? Oops, silly me."

He's taunting me, he needs me to be more interested so he can manipulate me and get what he wants out of me. But I won't give in to him, "I'm not giving up their location. Plus, I'm sure they have been moving about while I'm down here, so who knows where they are now."

"That's a shame, I guess you really don't want to find out the truth about your brother," Kenny tuts me, "If you really wanted to appease your brother, you would give up anything and everything to help him."

"I won't."

"Very well," He walks toward the door of the small building we were in, "In that case I will offer you nothing. Stay alive, (y/n). I need you." He winks at me and points to the table next to me before he leaves.

What a strange man... He helps me, but then he refuses to help me. I don't get it, I don't understand his motives for being interested in me. What the fuck does he need me for? How long has he been watching me? What are his real intentions?

Whatever, I need to get out of here. I look at the table Kenny pointed at before he left and see my jacket, shirt and knife on it. I grab my belongings and head toward the door Kenny headed out of, when I'm distracted by something falling out of the pocket of my jacket.

I sigh as I bend down to pick it up, but the pain in my abdomen re-ignites after being relatively still, "Fuck!" I groan as I look down at the bruises from the boot of that asshole who kicked me repeatedly. I bend down more slowly and retrieve the paper.

I grab it and slowly straighten myself up again. The paper was crumpled up into a ball, so I slowly open it up and smooth out the wrinkles.

It was a drawing of some kind of weapon, it looks like some kind of hand gun I have never seen before. It had a rather long barrel than most hand guns... I looks like some sort of modified pistol, and it doesn't look like it shoots traditional bullets... What is this gun supposed to be used for?

I read the top of the page, 'Anti-personnel Vertical Maneuvering Equipment', huh? Vertical maneuvering gear? How does that make any sense, as far as we know bullets don't do anything to a titan. Canons don't even do much but subdue them for a little while... So why would someone design guns for manoeuvring gear?

Unless this isn't meant for titans... What are they planning? How did I even get this? Did Kenny plant it on me? The man in the hood? Why? Is it to be misleading in some way? But how? What benefit would he have giving it to me? Did a different party sneak it into my pocket when I was unconscious?

Either way, I should probably still send this to Hange. The MPs must be up to something, this is a pretty elaborate design. It wouldn't be made for just anyone. So they are using vertical maneuvering gear too... No way, are they going to try to go after the scouts with these? The scouts are the only group the MPs have a problem with right now. Plus, We are the only ones, beside the Garrison regiment, who use vertical maneuvering gear, so who else would they be after other than us?

What if this is fake? Would that make any sense? Why would I be given a fake gun/maneuvering gear design? We are already at odds with the MPs, this doesn't have to be added. What would that accomplish, and who would it benefit?

I don't know, this has to be looked into more. But for now I need to head back to Uwe's, I'm sure he's wondering where I've gone off to. I slowly make my way out of the small building and I notice I am still pretty close to the entrance to the underground. At least I don't have to move far.

Looks like it's day time, I can see a little bit of light trickling in. I carefully slip on my shirt and head back to Uwe's bar.

**Levi's POV**

It was a good idea to leave Eren and Historia at (y/n)'s house for now. I was more than willing to head there. I guess I was hoping beyond hope that, by some small chance, she would be there. But, of course, she was not there. Hange was saying (y/n) left her keys behind for her house so Hange could use it.

Apparently she has been using it when she goes back and forth from HQ and where our hiding place was. But we can't risk going back to that place anymore. And It's too risky to stay here since it's so close to town and HQ. Eren and Historia should be fine there for the next few hours, then we have to move on to the next location.

The mission has been a success so far, a cart drove away with Jean and Armin who were standing in for Eren and Historia. I didn't actually think they would be so forward out in the open like that. They are careless.

I land on top of the roof close to Mikasa to find out the situation inside the warehouse so far, "How are things looking at the moment?"

"I'll put it this way," She muttered quietly, "If we don't intervene soon they are going to see through Armin's disguise."

"Alright, let's get ready to get in there then."

She nods and follows me as we sneak quietly into the building and wait for Reeves to show up.

**Hange's POV**

I was planning to head to HQ and update Erwin while Levi and his squad carry out their operation. But something is holding me back... Maybe it's a ridiculous idea for me to think about going down to the underground to find (y/n). I've been waiting for a decent excuse I could offer her if I do have to find her.

I can tell her our secret location has been discovered and that I had no way to get in touch with her to let her know not to go back there, just in case. Okay, it's not the best excuse, but it's a valid reason.... And it's all I got.

Even worse though I have never been to the underground. So I have no idea where to look for her... But I have to try, don't I? It's not just so I can warn her against going back to the old secret hide out her squad was at, it's also for piece of mind.

If I can just physically see her and talk to her I will feel much better. Maybe Erwin and Levi will be less hostile toward me if I can give them some good news about her.

Eren and Historia will be fine staying at (y/n)'s for now, I have already decided on another location we can stay in for the next few days at least.

Well, things are as much in order as they can be right now, until Levi and his squad get back from their mission. Time to see if I can track down (y/n).

**Your POV**

"Hey! Chop chop, (y/n)! You're slacking today!" One of Uwe's regulars, Alfred yelled at me from across the bar.

"I got jumped, leave me alone." I growl at him.

"Awww! Did you and some girls have a tickle fight? Did you get hurt sweetheart?" He teases me as I glare over at him.

"Ignore him," Uwe says quietly to me, "Don't let them get to you."

"Do I ever?" I raise my eyebrows at him as I walk around the bar to give the regulars their drinks.

"I mean, come on, bitch!" Alfred laughs at me, "I've seen you take on 4 guys at once, how the hell did you manage to get that fucked up?!"

"They distracted me." I mumble.

"You know better than to let yourself be distracted, what were you doing?!"

"Being a good person."

"Let me let you in on a little secret, love," He tried waving me to lean in closer, but I ignored it and stood in place, "No fun! You're turning into a real stick in the mud, you know that? Well, the secret is no one is a good person down here. If you're a good person, you're one of the first to go. And another thing, we all know you're not a good person, (y/n). Stop trying to pretend that you are."

"Are you done?" I ask him as I turn around and head back to the bar. I'm still in quite a bit of pain, but I can hide it in front of this lot. They get too drunk to notice anyway, even this early in the day.

"Just remember that! People who pretend to be good get chocked down here, I can see the bruising! That scarf isn't going to do shit for you!"

I tug uncomfortably at the scarf wrapped loosely around my neck. At least I can kind of use my voice properly now without it being too raspy.

"Maybe I liked it, Alfred," I yell back as best I can, "Ever thought of that? Maybe I think the best thing after a slap/tickle fight is to get choked."

"I'll give you something to choke on, love." Another man said as I walked past his table toward the bar, the others around the table staring at me too.

"Sorry," I stare him down, uninterested, "I choke on small things."

"Cheers!" One of the other men at the table chuckled and chugged his drink. Ugh, just another day at the office.

I go behind the bar and get ready to pour a few more drinks for one of the other tables when I hear a familiar voice sitting at the bar, "It's funny, I never thought I would ever see you down here ever again... Being a waitress to all the filth of the underground."

I look up and see Conrad sitting there, curly golden hair tucked neatly behind his ears, amber eyes studying me carefully.

"And you used to be Laurie's right hand man, and had the affection of many rich women. People used to pay handsomely for you. Now you're on the run and hanging out amongst said aforementioned filth.. How the mighty have fallen." I offer him a cool glance as I try to go about my business.

"I forgot to add fake prostitute too," He added, clearly trying to gage me in some type of conversation, "How many have fallen into your tangled web of deceit?"

"Quite a few," I turn to look at him again, "But what makes me different than you is I don't actually fuck them. I do have some semblance of self respect. I only torture them. Oh, and tell Laurie he's more than welcome to visit me. I have been saving something special for him."

"You know, I like that vacant look in your eyes where actual human emotion used to be detected." He smirked at me.

"Funny, Helios. I like the empty void of space between your legs where your balls used to be before Katrina took them in the divorce. I guess you are just 'Conrad' now huh?" I reply smoothly.

"I have to admit, I actually quite missed this cold soulless side of you," His smirk was finally faltering as he spoke, "The depths of your indifference, while chilling, also has its own sort of charm, and very reminiscent of how you used to be when you worked for Laurie."

"I should have let you die at that party, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being. At least I'm doing something." I glare at him.

"Yeah, maybe you should have," He chuckled, "Then you would be dead."

"Exactly." I say coldly.

I would have made a lot less trouble for everyone if I had died at that party.

I turn to move out from the behind the bar, But Conrad grabs my arm. A jolt of pain ignited in my shoulder and spread throughout my body. Once he realized something wasn't right he let go, "What happened?"

"Why are you here, Conrad," I growl at him as I gingerly place a hand on my shoulder, "Enough forplay, let's get to the main event."

"What you're doing isn't going to help," He said quietly, leaning toward me more, "The MPs and thugs you have caught so far aren't going to tell you anything significant. You're going to get yourself killed. Most of the people that are actually involved are in hiding, you're not going to get what you're looking for here."

"I'll keep going until I do find someone." I shrug him off.

"Listen to me, (y/n)," He blocks me from exiting behind the bar, "I know you're stubborn and you don't trust anyone attached to Laurie, but you have to listen to me."

"Did my sister send you down here?" I ask him furiously, "Is this your way of trying to make up for fucking all those other girls while you were married? Hate to break it to you, but I'm not going to cooperate."

"Karl Krause." Conrad blurts out desperately, finally

making me stop.

I look around to make sure there isn't anyone trying to listen in, and I pull him behind the bar, "What do you know?"

"I know you're looking for him. I don't know where he lives, but I know where you can find him. He frequents this bar in Trost district, he is there almost every night."

My eyes narrow at him suspiciously, "Why should I believe anything you have to say? Why the hell are you telling me? Trying to lure me there to trap me?"

"You're not the only one who wants to see Laurie go down, (y/n). Despite what you think I'm trying-"

"Where's Celeste?" I interrupt him quietly.

"I don't know that, the only one who might is Krause-"

"Why did she do it?"

"I can't answer that, you won't believe it if it comes from me. You need to find out on your own."

"What are you-"

"(Y/n)!" I hear Uwe yell, "Stop flirting! Get back to work!"

"Trust me, (y/n)," He whispers to me, "I'm not your enemy, and lets face it, what else do you have to lose?" He shoves a crumpled up piece of paper into my hand before he turns to leave.

I watch him leave the bar as I pour more drinks for the thirsty masses. Is this a good idea? No, none of this is a good idea... But he's kind of right, I don't have anything to lose at this point. I might as well try it out, I have to track down any and all leads.

But even if I do find him, where am I going to 'question' him? I don't know where he lives, so I can't jump him at his place. I suppose I could try to follow him back to wherever he lives, but he is probably on high alert. What if he is not living alone, so 'interrogating' him at wherever he is staying is probably not a good idea.

I suppose I could wear my disguise and try to lure him somewhere else... But where? I shove the address Conrad gave me into my pocket and continue to work.

**Hange's POV**

It feels like I've been wondering around down here for hours. Realistically it's probably only been about 1 hour. It's difficult navigating around down here, I don't even have an idea what I'm doing. Maybe I should have asked Levi or Erwin... No, they would have demanded to come with me.

Plus, Levi is busy with the mission and Erwin is trying to find out everything he can with regards to the MPs and their involvement with everything going on. I was walking down one of the streets that I didn't recognize, I don't think I've been down here at all. I thought she would be as far away from the entrance to the underground as possible. So I left the areas closer to the entrance until last.

There seem to be a bunch of bars down here, and a few shops here and there. I see the odd MP officer that I have to avoid, but mostly it is just residents in varying degrees of filth. I feel awful for them, how did Levi ever stomach growing up down here? I guess that explains why he is such a clean freak.

"Hange?" I hear a somewhat familiar voice say.

I look to my right and, as if I summoned her, there she was, "(Y/n)!" I breathed a sigh of relief, but the relief quickly gave way to concern when I actually stop to examine her.

I've never seen her look this rough, and that's saying something since she was stuck out in titan territory for a week once. She has a big fresh bandage over her left eyebrow, she has huge bags under her eyes and the lower I looked the worse it got.

She is trying to cover up some bruising around her neck, but it is still visible... Was she strangled? I could also see bandages wrapped around her arm and shoulder. Yep, definitely a good thing Levi and Erwin aren't here, they would go ballistic.

"(Y/n), are you-"

"What are you doing down here, Hange?" She interrupted, (e/c) eyes narrow at me suspiciously as she looks up and down the alley way nervously.

"Well I didn't know how else to get in touch with you. I wanted to tell you our hide out has to be moved. I didn't want you to come up without any of us knowing and going back there, so I needed to tell you so you wouldn't..." I laugh nervously as her eyes burn into me.

"Don't look at me like that," I smile, "What did you expect? Be happy I didn't bring Erwin or Levi."

"How are they...?" I see some of the coldness leave her eyes when I mention their names. Gods she has changed so much in just a few weeks. She doesn't even really look like herself anymore, sure the outside still looks the same, more or less. But the light in her eyes is gone, just a vacant indifference and what almost looks like boredom replace it. It changed her features more than what I could imagine.

"They are well," I answer, "I mean, as well as they can be. They miss you a lot."

"Okay," (y/n) replied after a rather long pause, "It may be good that you're here, I found this." She goes into her pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. I take it from her and smooth it out... Looks like some drawings of a strange looking gun.. Very interesting.

"How and where did you get this?" I ask her.

"I don't really know, it's a weird story. But take that with you, the MPs are up to something. And I'm sure that has something to do with it, I just know it." She replied as she pointed at the drawing in my hand, "And be more alert to being followed when you go back above ground. A man named Kenny is looking for Eren and Historia too."

"Kenny who?"

"He never gave me his last name, I don't know it. Just, watch out for him too. Add his name to the list of people that are looking for Eren and Historia."

Without even saying goodbye she turned to head into what looked like a bar. Is this where she is staying? I didn't want her to leave, I need to get her out of here, even if it's only for a little while. She looks so beat down and defeated, bringing her back up for some sunshine may do her some good. I know it will do those men some good to see her. Let's face it, she needs them as much as they need her.

"(Y/n), wait!"

She turned around and gave me another vacant look, "What?"

"Look, I know you have a lot going on down here at the moment, and I'm trying to be respectful of that and not ask too many questions. But it's clear you're not doing so well right now, and I think you could use a little break." I try to appeal to her.

She turns her body full around and starts to cross her arms, but as she moves her arms to cross them she winced. Must have something to do with those bandages wrapped around her shoulder.

(Y/n) gets noticeably more uncomfortable as I scan her for more injuries. So I casually continue, pretending I didn't see her wince, "I know it would do you some good to come up and visit us, everyone misses you and asks about you."

"Hange-"

"I understand you have things you have to square away, and leads to follow. I'm not telling you to ditch whatever you are working on down here and come back. I just want you to come and visit us, that's all. Let us fill you in, and if you want you can fill us in too. I know it would cheer Levi and Erwin right up to see you with their own eyes. Their tempers have been pretty short with me recently."

I watch her carefully as she seems to contemplate my offer. She doesn't give much away in her body language. I'm about to give up when she completely surprises me with her response, "Maybe you're right."

I almost fall back when she said that, did she really just agree? Did I hear her correctly? I mean that was my goal, but I didn't dare get my hopes up.

"Are you guys at my house?" She asks me.

"Well, I hid Eren and Historia there for the day," I explain, "Levi's squad had a plan to carry out today to catch Reeves. So I hid Eren and Historia there while the operation is going down. When I get back I'm sure they will be done and Levi and will fill me in. I have already decided on our next destination though, here." I give her a note with the address of our temporary hide out.

She takes it from me, studies it, then holds it up to a nearby lantern and watches it burn out of existence, "Got it memorized," She confirms, "You shouldn't have something like this on you. What if it fell out of your pocket, or you got jumped and they knew you were in the scouts?"

"Right you are," I laugh, "Anyway, just come and have tea with us, maybe dinner. No pressure though! It'll be great for everyone!"

"Okay, tonight." She replies as she turns on her heels and heads back into the bar. I finally look up to see the bar name, 'Der Untergrund', that's a strange name..

Oh well, with (y/n) agreeing to come tonight I practically skip up the steps. They are going to love hearing this!

**Your POV**

This is the perfect opportunity, I can lure Krause to my house. Hange and everyone else will be gone by nightfall and I can bring him there somehow...

I'm going to have to spend a lot of time covering up the bruising around my neck, the gash on my head, the injuries on the rest of my body... Maybe I'll head to the Layflower again, they have plenty of supplies for stuff like that. I'm sure the old wench won't mind so long as I pay her.

What about Levi and Erwin? A part of my brain isn't listening to the more cautious side of my brain. It's stuck on the prospect of seeing them again. 3 weeks is too long without them.. But they wouldn't be seeing me, they would be seeing a different side of me. A side I don't like or even recognize. They should have to see me like this... No, I can't... And what if I'm followed from the underground? What if they find out where they are hiding?

Why can't I just be extra careful and stop by before I go get Krause? Ugh, but Erwin and Levi would know I'm up to something else, they won't let me go if I see them... I don't know if I would even want to go...

Stop it, (y/n). This will be over soon if this Karl Krause is actually the man I think he is. I'm that much closer to finding Celeste, then I'm closer to avenging my brother.

I rush to get my chores done around Uwe's bar, so I have plenty of time to get ready for the night. I know it's a bad idea... But maybe it would be okay to stop and get see them... I just... I want to see them, I want to touch them, I want to hear their voices... Levi... Erwin. I'll try to make this as quick as possible, I'm sorry. 

Well, I guess it's time to get ready for an interesting night.


	49. Chapter 49: A blind Eye

**Levi's POV**

"So what do you say, Reeves?" I ask him as he silently smokes his cigarette. What other choice does he have? Our deal is better than what he can hope for, especially from the MPs.

His ultimate goal is protecting Trost, but he's naive if he thinks the MPs are going to take his interests into consideration.

Both of his attempts to capture Eren and Historia thus far have been so pathetic, that his head really can't be in the game. The MPs aren't going to brush off his failures. Everyone in his company's families will be thrown from their homes and forced to live on the streets. The men associated with Reeves will be killed, they can't afford them spreading problematic information.

"Come on, Reeves," I press him for an answer, "I suppose neither choice is necessarily right or wrong. You still have to pick one though."

It took some convincing, but I think he knows the only way to keep his town and family safe is to side with us. I mean, without us and especially Eren, he wouldn't even be able to go into Trost. We benefit more from this than him, sure. But, at the end of the day, it is still better to side with us than with the MPs and the government.

I see a creepy smile on his face that weirds me out a bit before he finally answers, "I'm no fool, Ackerman. You said you had 3 conditions, you only gave me 2. Only an amateur would agree without hearing all the conditions."

"Ah, pardon me," I continue and hold up 3 fingers, "Thirdly, along with joining the Survey Corps against the MPs and the government, as well as putting your trust in us, we also require first pick at any rare goods you may come across. Most importantly, black tea."

I can practically hear Sasha salivating in the back ground, "Those are amazing terms, sir!"

"You're a greedy little thing, aren't you, Ackerman?" Reeves chuckles as he sticks out his hand toward me, "I like it, I'll accept your proposal."

"A wise decision," I reply as I shake his hand firmly, "We'll be in touch within the next few days. We'll meet you at the warehouse where we surprise ambushed you."

"A memory I'll remember fondly." He mumbled as he rubbed his shoulder and glared over at Mikasa.

"Be thankful we didn't do worse." I shrug.

"Yeah? You be thankful my guys didn't do worse. If you kept up with your charade a bit longer the blonde one would have been scarred for life." Reeves says as he smirks behind us at Armin, still dressed as Historia.

Mikasa looked like she was going to kill Reeves, but Armin held her back. She really only listens to Armin and Eren, but she does follow orders when it matters I guess. Her distain and contempt is mostly saved for me. She stops glaring at Reeves so she could glare at me as well. Probably for me allowing Armin to be in the whole situation in the first place. It doesn't matter to me, she can hate me and the way I do things, as long as she still follows orders, I really don't care.

After we release Reeves and his men we head back to (y/n)'s house to meet up with Hange, Eren and Historia. I'm kind of surprised by how well things went. I was just expecting him to put up more of a fight. I guess the MPs didn't have anything they offered him other than not killing him or his associates.

We get back to the house and it is still feels weird being here. I only came here once when (y/n) was here, but just knowing it's her place and she's not here makes it weird.

"Welcome back, Shortie!" I hear Hange's annoying voice as she opens the door when she hears us approaching, "I was expecting you back sooner! Where have you been?"

"Whoa!" She raises her hands defensively as I glare at her, "You don't want to kill me, trust me I have news you will want to hear."

"Yeah? Like what?" I mumble to her as I step into the house.

"You first," She shut the door after the rest of my squad walked through, "How did the operation go? Did you catch them?"

"Yeah," I mutter as I walk over to sit at the kitchen table, "Dimo Reeves himself showed up."

"Really? That's great!" Hange practically jumped at the news. Why is she so excited? It's getting exhausting and irritating.

"Did he agree to cooperate?" She asks me as she sat down across from me, the rest of my squad taking seats as well. Eren and Historia sat on the opposite ends of the table, waiting for us to explain what happened.

"They took the bait easy enough," I explain, "A carriage came by and snatched them while we were in the open."

"Ah, so the disguise worked like a charm!" Hange cheered.

"Almost too well." Armin mumbled uncomfortably.

"So what's the next step?" Eren asks us.

"Since the MPs don't know that we were able to get to Reeves, we should use them to lure the MPs out that tortured and killed Pastor Nick," Hange answered, "Sannes and Ralph, they were the 2 MPs that were guarding Nick's crime scene. So I say we target them."

"Fine," I reply, "We'll talk to Reeves about it in a few days. I assume you will let Erwin know?"

"Of course," She smiles, "I have that and other news to tell him, and you as well actually."

"What is it now?" I inquire irritably.

"Well, while you guys were carrying out the mission, I went underground and tracked down (y/n)." She explained excitedly.

There was complete silence around the table, anticipating Hange's words as she pauses to let the news sink in. Since Hange is in good spirits does that mean (y/n) is doing well? I can feel my heart beat faster and harder in my chest; I don't think Hange is used to having our full undivided attention.

"How is she?" Eren was the first to speak, asking the question that was on everyone's mind.

Hange's face fell a bit at Eren's question... Well that's not a good sign.

"She's umm," Hange tries to search for the right words, "She's alive."

"That's it? You were so excited to tell us that you saw (y/n) and that she was alive? Come on, four eyes, what did she say? How did she look? What did you say? Out with it!" I snap at her sudden hesitance to not say too much.

"She's living in the underground, Levi," Hange replied calmly, "You know what it's like down there, so she is pretty banged up."

My finger nails dig into the table as I clutch it tightly, trying to keep myself in my seat. Yes, it is tough living down there, but I need more specifics. Is she badly hurt? What kind of trouble is she getting into? Where is she staying? How safe is it? How is her mental state? Is she still (y/n)? Has she changed?

"Oh!" Hange exclaimed before digging through her pocket, "She gave me this."

She handed me a piece of balled up paper. I take it from her and skim over the contents, "Vertical maneuvering gear with guns?" I ask myself out loud.

"Yeah, I don't know how (y/n) got a hold of it. So at the moment we can't confirm the validity of the rough design sketches. But it's something we should be on the look out for; there is only one reason to manufacture such equipment... To go after humans." Hange said thoughtfully.

Yeah, maneuvering gear was manufactured and designed to take down titans. Guns don't do anything to them, so obviously if these designs are real they weren't created with titans in mind. These would be designed to go after us.

"But what about (y/n)?" Mikasa asked, "How did she look?"

"Umm," Hange shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "She looks like... Someone who has been living in the underground..."

"Where is she?" I narrow my eyes at her dangerously.

"Well, actually I don't need to tell you that because I got her to agree to come up for a quick visit!"

I was speechless... I didn't know what to say.. That can't be true, can it? She made all this effort to be sure she stayed down in the underground , why would she all of a sudden agree to come up if she is not finished down there?

Don't get me wrong, I would be overjoyed to see her, but something doesn't seem right about this. Hange definitely seems taken aback by my reaction, "What's wrong? I thought you would be happy to hear that."

There was excitement around the table from the others at the thought of seeing (y/n) again. What is she up to? Am I looking too much into this?

"She asked about you, you know," Hange said quietly to me, "She's different, but for the most part she is still (y/n)."

"It's not that I don't want to see her," I defend myself, "It's just that something doesn't feel right. She threatened you by saying she would leave for good if you went after her. But now she is suddenly okay with you finding her, and all of a sudden agrees to come up? Is she in some kind of trouble? Or has she found a lead above ground?"

"Technically, she begged me not to let you and Erwin find her," She corrected me, "She didn't specifically say anything about me finding her in the letter... Come on! Be happy, Levi! I got her to come back!"

"But you didn't, you said she is coming for a visit. I would be much happier if she were coming back for good. I don't want just as evening with her, I want months with her, years with her, a lifetime with her. One visit isn't going to satisfy me, it's a tease."

"Well I guess that's your job tonight," Hange laughs as she gets up from the table, "Convince her to stay."

"Where are you going?" I sigh irritably, "We need to go over a plan and head over to the new location."

"I have to go tell Erwin about everything, see you tonight!" She says over her shoulder as she leaves the house, "Don't forget to lock the door on your way out!"

"Alright," I stand up next and address my squad, "Get everything ready, we leave in 5."

I really hope Hange is right and (y/n) does indeed show up.

**Your POV**

"Don't you have anything that offers a little something for the imagination?" I groan at the old hag as she shows me a closet of 'clothing' choices.

"This is a brothel, sweetheart," She smirked down at me, "You want 'elegance' go back above ground where you belong."

"I don't need elegance," I roll my eyes and glare up at her, "I just want something that covers my boobs, butt and vagina at the same time! Is that too much to ask?!"

"Then go buy something else! Why are you even still here? I already gave you enough make up to cover those unsightly injuries! You're not making me any money at the moment, so out!"

"Come on, you're used to dealing with shit like this," I point at the cuts and bruises on the visible areas of my body, "Your girls are put through more than me."

"Watch it," She warns me, "No one here has citizenship above ground they can fall back on. I mean what are you even still doing here? Haven't you tortured enough of my customers? Go home and stop pretending you're poor you capital slut."

"I am both enraged and aroused by your attitude," I wink at her, "But don't pretend you care about your employees, you evil old cow."

"Get out of here before I throw you out."

"Aha, but if I leave for good, you're going to lose some extra income. Don't pretend you don't like me torturing those MPs, otherwise you wouldn't have been getting extra money from me." I remind her.

"I expect that make up back by tomorrow, and a better cut of the money from your next fight." She rolled her eyes and ushered me out the door.

I guess I'll have to go with something I already have. It's Trost District so I can't wear anything fancy, it'll stick out and not on a good way. There should be a few of my clothes at my house from when Peter moved my stuff over there.

I was going to get ready down here, but that's probably not a good idea. Any type of clothing that isn't ripped or dirty sticks out down here. So getting ready would be best at the house. Plus, I am so looking forward to using my shower.

I have to stop by Uwe's and grab a few things first though. I need some 'supplies' for what I plan for tonight. As I get closer to the bar I think I can see Ash on the roof... Why does he do that? What a strange kid. I have half a mind to spook him, but it's probably not a good idea to do that since he's on the roof. I'm not that much of a cold hearted bitch.

I go around the side and up the ladder leading to the roof, "Hey Ash," I call to him before heading over to him, "What are you doing?"

Ash quickly tries to conceal something in his lap as I start to get closer, "Oooh, did I interrupt something?"

"No," He replied quickly, "Just practicing my writing."

"Oh," I respond as I sit next to him, "In that case, give it to me, I'll look it over."

"No!" He shouts as he holds his notebook closer to his chest.

I raise my eyebrows at his reaction. What is he hiding?

"Is that a diary or something?" I smirk at him.

"No," He protests, "It's a journal."

"... Isn't that the same thing as a diary?"

"No! A journal is manlier." He said quietly.

"Alright," I surrender, "Whatever you say, I saw you up here and thought I would say goodbye before I head out."

"So this is really happening, huh?" He asked me sadly.

"I'll be back... Well, hopefully... Who knows, maybe I'll finally push someone too far and-"

"You shouldn't joke like that," He glared at me, "It's not funny."

"I know, just making inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times. If I'm honest I am a bit nervous for tonight." I admit to him.

"Seeing Erwin and Levi?" Ash winks at me.

I turn to look at him fully now. How does he know about what Hange said to me?

"I heard the entire conversation," Ash laughs, "Good thing I'm on your side."

"I don't think I'll be seeing them," I answer honestly, "I told her I would go so that they are less likely to come looking for me, after they hear from Hange who will tell them right away that she saw me. If I didn’t agree to go see them I’m sure Erwin and Levi would have come down to look for me, after Hange told them she saw me and I refused to stop by so they could check in on me. They will stay at the spot I agreed to meet them at. That gives me plenty of time to find Krause and bring him to my house and ask him some questions."

"I see," He replied dejectedly, "So if he knows where Celeste is, what then?"

"Then I'll go find her." I reply automatically.

There is silence between us, it feels like Ash is holding back from saying something. Whatever it is, obviously he is anticipating a negative reaction from me.

He knows about my plans, it's the topic of most of our conversations. He knows my ultimate goal is to find Celeste. So why is he acting weird all of a sudden? There is no way I can let Celeste go, I'll never sleep soundly again if I gave up.

But something nags at me as I observe Ash quietly, and think about Celeste and what she did to my brother. Something that has been in the back of my mind for awhile now. It may as well be the time I bring it up, who knows what's going to happen to me above ground.

"Ash," I get his attention again, "Why did my father kill your father?"

Ash looks at me as he runs a hand through his messy black hair, "That's kind of out of the blue..."

"I've been wanting to ask since the first time you told me," I admit, "But when I came down in the past I was already on a mission and didn't want to bring it up."

He licks his lips and sighs before answering, "I don't know the full story, just some of it from my mother's perspective. I know that your father and my father used to be well acquainted."

"Eh? Isn't 'well acquainted' in the underground like 'best friends'?" I squint at him, knowing my father doesn't have what normal people would call 'friends'. Just people he doesn't hate as much as others.

"Yeah, 'friends' is too intimate a term to describe their relationship," Ash chuckles at the face I make, "They were up to similar shady shit, so I guess they bonded over that."

“Like what?”

“As I said I don’t know the specifics. But my father worked mainly for David Sanderson. As for your father, he did odd jobs for many people I think before things started really going down hill for him.”

“David Sanderson? My mother’s husband?” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Yep,” He nodded, “Apparently when David found out about you and your mother being underground, he put a high price on your head; he wanted you dead.” He looks at me nervously, awaiting my reaction to his revelation.

“That’s a good rhyme, I like it. I’m going to use that in my memoirs, since it basically sums I’m my life down here.” I say thoughtfully.

“That’s all you have to say about it?”

“What else do you want me to say? It’s not surprising in the least,” I reply nonchalantly, “His closest friend is Laurie, that says a lot about the type of person he is. So it’s not surprising he wanted me dead, even when I was only a child. I was just some disgusting sewer rat to him. You don’t get to be the person he is and as rich as he is while following the high road.”

“Anyway, my mother’s health has always been pretty poor,” Ash continues, “She was born and raised in the underground, but the conditions down here have never really agreed with her. So when my father found out how much Sanderson was willing to pay for your head, he decided to go looking for you.”

He pauses in case I want to interject anything, but I sit silently and wait patiently for him to continue.

“My father found you and he tried to take you, but your father found out and got to you in time. He saved you and killed my father for good measure.” He stares down at his hands as he finishes his explanation.

I’m sure Laurie found out about this too and was not happy. He wanted me alive, I’m sure David got a good spanking and an earful from Laurie when he heard about what David had planned for me.

I let his story sink in. I feel awful for Ash.. I even feel sympathy for his father. His father was just trying to give his family a better life, I can’t be angry at him for that.

“Don’t you hate me?” I ask him quietly, “And my father? Why aren’t you more angry?” Thoughts of Celeste and Ben running through my head when I asked those questions. I’m angry, I can’t stop thinking about how angry I am at Celeste. Why isn’t he furious with me?

“I was,” He admitted, “For the longest time I cursed the ground you and your father walked on. That day when I tried to rob you and found out who you really were, I couldn’t believe my luck. I was going to do what my father set out to, I was going to get you killed and profit off of it like my father was supposed to. I’m not much of a fighter like my father was, so I had to sell you out to someone else that could do it for me.”

“... Well are they going to show up soon? I’m still alive if you haven’t noticed. Now is your chance before someone else does it, it’s stiff competition for who gets to kill me.” I wink at him.

“You knew what I was planning on doing when I got away from you in that alley,” Ash ignores my remark and continued, “When you followed me to the next alley where I met up with that gang, you had every reason to let me die by their hands. You knew what my intentions were, but in the end you saved me anyway.”

... It’s not like the thought didn’t cross my mind. I almost did let him get killed by those guys, “Why didn’t you just sell me out to someone else after I saved you?” I inquire, only half joking, “You could have sold me out, got quite a bit of money and be in a pretty good position.”

Ash stayed silent for a bit longer before answering this time, “I was angry at what happened to my father for a long time. I never saw it from someone else’s perspective. I wanted to stay angry at you and your father. I thought it was the only thing that kept me going.”

Ash pauses again and finally stops staring at his hands and looks at me again, “I wasn’t expecting you to save me, I expected you to let me die. But, even though I hated you and tried to get you tortured, or killed, or worse, you saved me. I guess I finally just realized that being angry with you and your father and getting you killed wasn’t going to magically bring my father back. I just learned to accept that life is complicated, and people do things in the moment that they regret later, things that will save themselves and the people they love.”

“You think my father regrets killing your father?” I can’t help but laugh a little at that.

“No, probably not,” He smiles sadly,” But it’s the only way I can get by without being angry. That and the fact that he did it to protect you.”

Ash stops speaking and I can feel his eyes analyzing me. His sad green eyes pause over my visible cuts and bruises. He looks at me with pity and it’s pissing me off. Like he’s judging me for my current goal, like he’s trying to talk me out of something.

“What are you trying to do here, Ash?” I challenge him. I know where this conversation is going, and I don’t want to be a part of it. So, without waiting for an answer, I stand up from the roof and head toward the ladder.

“Wait, (y/n)!” Ash grabs onto my arm, “Hang on, I have something else to say.”

I turn around to give him a warning glare, but he doesn’t falter where other would have, “Don’t you wonder why Celeste did it?”

I can feel anger rise up within me as my hands clench tightly into fists, “No, I don’t care why she did. It won’t change anything.”

“Except that it would, (y/n),” Ash tightens his grip on me, “You don’t want to know because you know it may be the only thing that will stop you from going after her. The only thing that is keeping you alive and functioning right now. The only thing that keeps you from just giving up and accepting your fate is the anger you harbour for her.”

“What are you doing? Why are you saying this all of a sudden?” I snap at him.

“Because I didn’t think you would come this close, and I don’t want you to lose who you are on this pointless pursuit of revenge. Killing Celeste won’t bring your brother back, it won’t change anything. You need to find another reason to live, one that won’t make you forget who you are. That’s why you decided to finally ask me about my father, a part of you doesn’t want to go through with your plan. A part of you wants to be talked down from the ledge. You know things aren’t just black and white, life is more complicated than that, people are more complicated.”

“It’s not your responsibility to look after me, Ash. I’m too far gone to be rescued now. Thank you for not killing me, but my situation is different.”

“How?!” He demanded, “They’re both stories on how revenge won’t make things better! How does that not relate to what you’re doing right now?!”

“Ash, back off,” I warn him, “I like you, but I won’t hesitate to throw you off this roof if you don’t let go of me.”

“Just... just,” He sighs dejectedly as his shoulders slumped in defeat and he releases my arm, “Just keep what I said in mind. Please.”

I turn around and walk to the ladder again so I can grab what I needed from inside Uwe’s bar. Once I have everything I finally make my way to the surface. Pushing the conversation with Ash to the back of my mind.

**Erwin’s POV**

I keep reading the letter over and over again, as if something new is going to jump out at me the more I read it.

‘ _Mr. Smith,_

_I’m sorry I cant update you faster but there is not a lot to report. I am trying to make sure she stays out of trouble as best I can. She has found some information that she has found useful but she has not said when she will be back. I will continue to keep an eye on her if anything else happens I will be sure to write to you._

_Asher_ ’

At least his writing has improved greatly. It was much more difficult trying to decipher his older letters; I guess those lessons with (y/n) have really being helping him.

Asher doesn’t describe anything too specific when it comes to what exactly (y/n) is doing, in case his letters get intercepted. So he avoids mentioning her by name as well, just to be safe.

It’s been hard being stuck back here while (y/n) is in the underground putting herself at great risk everyday. I’ve been doing my best to give her space again and do what she asked and not go down after her. But at least Asher is down there keeping an eye on her for me, if it weren’t for his periodic updates I’m sure I would have gone down there after her by now.

There is a knock on my office door and I hurriedly tuck Asher’s letter into my desk, “Come in.”

“Hey Erwin,” Hange smiles brightly at me as she walks through the threshold, “How are you?”

I narrow my eyes at her as she walks in, our relationship isn’t exactly great at the moment. I know she is caught in a difficult position, but I can’t stop myself from glaring at her every time I see her.

(Y/n) trusted Hange enough to let her know where she was going, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little frustrated that she didn’t leave any word for me. I get where she is coming from, but I hate that she feels she has to go through all this by herself.

“Anyway,” Hange continues nervously when I don’t answer her, “I have some good news and some great news.”

“What is it?” I sigh and lean back in my chair a bit.

“Well, firstly,” Hange says as she sits down across from me, “Levi’s squad was successful in revealing that the Reeves Company was conspiring with the MPs and the government to capture Eren and Historia. But Levi was able to get him to agree to turn on them and cooperate with us instead.”

This is good news, Asher mentioned in his last letter that (y/n) found out information about the Reeves Company and how they may have been apart of the group looking for Eren. Of course he didn’t tell me how she got that information... I try not to think about it, because the thought of her getting hurt or making deals with shady underground thugs makes me feel ill.

“So we are just coming up with a plan to get Dimo Reeves to lure out the MPs we suspect are involved in Pastor Nick’s death, so we can ask them some questions.”

“Good,” I nod at her, “Is that everything? I’m pretty busy at the moment, Hange.”

“Ah wait, I’m not finished yet,” She tries to keep me engaged in the conversation, “You haven’t heard the great news yet!”

“Hange, I’m not being obtuse, I really am busy and I don’t have time for your rambling right now.” I grumble at her.

“I saw (y/n).” She blurted out to get my attention again... it worked.

“What? How is she? Where is she? When did you see her?” I press.

“Well I see I have your full attention now,” Hange smirked at my reaction, “I saw her earlier today. I wanted to inform her that we have switched locations. So I tracked her down.”

“How is she?” I ask again.

“She’s... She’s okay,” She replied uncomfortably, “I won’t lie, she is in pretty rough shape. You’ll need to know that so you won’t be shocked when you see her tonight.”

I almost fell out of my chair when she said that, “She’s coming back?” I ask her hopefully.

“Well, I convinced her to come up tonight at least. I don’t think she is coming back for good yet. But she said she would come up and visit us tonight, and that’s a big step.”

I could hardly believe it. It’s surprising that Hange could convince her to come up... It’s not like her to give up on a task, I wasn’t expecting her to come back until she finished whatever she is trying to do. Judging from Ash’s letters, she hasn’t found what she is looking for yet.

Not that I’m not happy by the thought of seeing her again. On the contrary, the thought makes my heart pound harder against my chest. Just seeing her would make me feel better. But what will I see? Will she still be the same person she was when she left?

“So,” Hange interrupts my train of thought, “You will come tonight, won’t you? She will be coming to our new location.”

“Of course,” I confirm, “I’ll be there.”

“Oh, and one more thing,” Hange places something on my desk as she gets up to leave, “(Y/n) gave me that. She was unclear on how she got a hold of it. Regardless, I thought I should pass it on to you, see if you can find out anything else about it.”

I pick up the paper Hange placed on my desk. I analyze it and see it appears to be some type of 3DMG but with guns rather than blades... Interesting. Looks like the MPs might be getting really serious in tracking us all down. This isn’t good.

“Well, I’ll see you tonight then! Oh, you aren’t going to go looking like that are you? I did tell you (y/n) was going to be there, right?” She teases me.

I look down at my appearance. I’ve been too busy distracting myself to really notice or care. Shirt not tucked in, buttons not all done up, unshaven.. Yeah, my appearance is a bit dishevelled, but who have I been trying to impress lately? I’ve been too out of it to really make an effort if I’m honest.

“Alright, well I’ll see you tonight, Erwin!” She waves at me as she closes the door behind her.

I feel nervous about seeing her again. Excited to see her of course, but also worried about what I’m going to see. She’s been getting into some kind of trouble, the tone of Asher’s letters gives that away.

As happy as I am at the prospect of seeing her again, I’m also angry with her for leaving in the first place. I want to convince her to stay, but maybe that wouldn’t be right. I don’t want to push her away any further.

I don’t know if I will even be able to handle only see her for one night. That’s not nearly enough for me, I don’t know if I would be able to let her go after her visit... I just, I need more time with her... So much more time.

That’s even if she does come tonight. It seems odd that she would agree to come up for a one night visit. I thought it was her goal to stay away until she finished what she had to... Either way I suppose I will figure it out tonight.

**Your POV**

Yep, I was right, taking that shower felt great. It was pretty weird looking in an actual mirror, I’ve been avoiding looking at myself for awhile... For obvious reasons.

The bags under my eyes rival that of even Levi’s, but at least the bangs from my wig cover the stitches above my eye brow. The makeup does a pretty good job of covering up the bruising... Well everywhere. I think I have more foundation on than my house at this point.

I decided to go for wearing all black. A nice long sleeve black top with a v-neck and tight black pants. It’s classy, but not too classy that it is suspicious for a bar in Trost. I can’t stand out too much, but I also have to get his attention.

I give myself another once over and re-adjust the silvery coloured wig on my head. It’s been awhile since I’ve worn heels so this walk to the bar should be fun.

I lock up my house with the key I had hidden under the front mat on top of my doorstep, and head toward the bar Conrad told me about. It’s nice to feel the cool night air on my face.

On my walk it doesn’t take long for my thoughts to drift to Levi and Erwin. Maybe I should show up like this and see their reaction... No, bad idea, they wouldn’t recognize me and I don’t feel like getting tackled.. Well, at least not like this.

I wonder what they’re doing... I’m sure Levi and Erwin have been informed by Hange. Of course I feel bad, but I’m probably doing them a favour. They don’t want to see me right now, they want to see the old me, not the person I’m slowly turning into.

It’s better this way, I have a job to do and so do they. They don’t need to be anymore worried about me than they already are. As much as it kills me not to go and see them, I know I can’t. I don’t know if I can ever go back. But I need to brush everything to the back of my mind and focus, I need to concentrate.

I finally make it to the bar and take a deep breath before I go inside. The bar is pretty busy, there have to be at least 50 people. How am I going to find this guy?

I see mostly Garrison soldiers in attendance, but there seem to be quite a few couples as well. The bar itself wasn’t that big, it had the main bar off to the right, most of the tables to the left, and a small dance floor in the middle with a piano just off to the side.

I look around as I casually make my way to the bar, a table full of Garrison soldiers whistled at me as I walked past them. But I ignore them easily and keep walking.

When I get to the bar I’m at a better vantage point to look around at the faces in the bar. I don’t recognize anyone at a first glance, “What can I get for you, love?”

I turn around to see a pretty bartender ready to take my order, “Whatever beer you have available is fine by me.” I say as I offer a small smile, I can’t afford to get drunk, no hard liquor.

“Of course.” She smiles back at me as she takes the money I placed on the counter.

As I’m waiting for my drink I glance around the bar again, taking in all the sites and faces. My eyes start to scan the people sitting at the bar more closely. I don’t see any recognizable faces at any of the tables, so I have to take a closer look over here.

My eyes fix on a man sitting at the end with a drink in his hand, staring down at it pensively. He has short auburn coloured hair, and he looked to be in his late 40s or early 50s.

He’s wearing a Garrison uniform, which is strange to me. He seemed to be a bit pleasantly plump. I’ve never seen a solider built like him. The intense training every solider has to endure is hard on the body, and a very strict diet, so everyone is stacked.

My mind casts back to that evening in the woods. From what I can remember the man who rode off with Celeste may have had auburn hair, it was too dark to know for sure though. But it looked like a similar style to what he has, and the man with Celeste did look to be rather tall and a bit on the heavier side.

It could be him, if I spoke to him I think I would recognize his voice. He is the only one here who seems rather suspicious and out of place to me. I doubt he is an actual solider, so does that mean he’s just dressing like one to not draw too much attention to himself? Not like the Garrison soldiers here seem to notice, they seem too drunk to care. What else is new?

What am I going to do? I can’t just walk up to him casually and engage him in conversation that would be suspicious. I need to find a way to get his attention and make him come to me.

“Here you go, love.” The bartender handed me a mug of beer and I smile my thanks to her. 

Suddenly an idea presents itself to me, “Excuse me,” I get the bartender’s attention again before she moves on to another customer, “Is the piano in working condition? I do love to play.”

“That piano hasn’t been touched in a very long time, even before the titans started attacking the walls. I’m sure it would love some attention.” She smiles at me again and moves on to the next customer.

Perfect, hopefully the music will interest him and he’ll approach me... I hope anyways. My mom did teach me to play, and she always did say it’s the best way to a man’s heart.... Well, it’s the only plan I have at the moment, so let’s do it. I place my drink down on top of the piano after taking a swig from it, and sit myself down on the bench. What should I play?

Don’t over think it, just start playing, it’s worked out in the past. What do I think he may like to hear? I have this weird image flash through my mind of the man who I believe to be Krause. He was wearing much more expensive tailored capital clothing, and he had a weirdly shaped bottle in his hand... But as suddenly as the image flashed in my mind, it was gone.

I shake my head and a melody come to me automatically and my fingers start moving along the keys gently. The volume of the chatter around the bar goes down as I play the piano. Some couples even got up to dance slowly on the dance floor.

Out of the corner of my eye I sneak a peek at the man of interest at the bar. His body was turned away from the bar now, his eyes were closed and he listens silently to the piano.

Interesting, he does seem to be enjoying the song. I wonder if I have played for him before... Kenny hinted that I may know who he is... But how much can I trust Kenny’s word? Although, there was that image that flashed in my mind just now...

After I finish the song I hear applause all around, people yelling ‘again’, or ‘another one’, and there were couples still on the dance floor waiting for more music. I may as well give them what they want.

I ended up playing for like an hour, people come in and out of the bar constantly. I would look over to the bar occasionally to make sure Krause is still there, and he is. He doesn’t drink much, he just listens to the music silently.

About an hour later my fingers are starting to cramp, I should stop soon. I think this will be my last song, then I may have to come up with another plan to get Krause to approach me.

“You play beautifully,” I hear an oddly familiar voice that sends shivers up my spine, say from next to me, “It’s been so long since I heard such beautiful music.”

I look beside me and see Krause standing there, watching me intently. Perfect timing. I definitely do recognize his voice as the one I heard with Celeste.

But there seems to be something more to it... I feel like I have heard it further back in my past as well. I mean, he is associated with Laurie, I’m sure I have met him before and I just don’t remember. Cool, add that to the list of shit I don’t understand and can’t remember.

“Perhaps you should consider going back to training and seeing if you can become an MP,” I respond as I continue playing as he sits down next to me, “I hear they play music all the time in the capital.”

“I’ve never seen you around here before, and I’ve seen everyone that’s been here tonight. But not you, and I’m here every night.” He comments.

“How do you know that?” I ask him, “Maybe I have been here before and you were too drunk to notice.”

“I don’t think so,” He insists, “I would have noticed you.”

He falls silent after that and just sits next to me and watches my fingers manipulate the keys, “Is there a reason why you’re still here? You’re sucking up the oxygen in my personal bubble.”

He chuckled, “Just trying to figure you out. The first song you played happens to be one of my favourites. Seems I was destined to meet you tonight.”

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes at his stupid comment. He’s annoying, but I have to remain neutral, “That’s interesting, maybe you’re right.”

I must have played for him in the past, or was it really a coincidence that I happened to play his favourite tune? Subconsciously, I knew what he wanted to hear.

“Where did you learn to play?” He tried to keep the conversation going.

“My father.” I lie.

“Interesting,” He comments, “Well, when you’re done I would like to buy you a drink at the bar if you’re interested.”

“You’re married.” I noted when I see the glint of a ring on his finger out of the corner of my eye.

“Good thing she is not here.” He smiles and heads back to the bar.

“Dick.” I whisper to myself as I finish up the melody I started.

I grit my teeth as I finish playing and barely listen to or acknowledge the applause that come after. I just want to get this done and over with. I don’t think I can do fake friendly banter anymore, this may be a problem.

I head over to the bar where I see him watching me walk over to him.

“I didn’t realize how short you were,” He comments when I make it to the bar, “I got scared watching you walk over here, for a minute I thought you were like 12 or something.”

“Is my height going to be a problem?” I ask him as he hands me a drink.

“No, that ass is not 12.” He smirks at me as he eyes my body.

I had to make a conscious effort to make sure I didn’t roll my eyes or punch him in the face. If we were in the underground, I would have already done that. But I have to keep myself in check if I want this plan to work... Plus, I can do that later. Right now I need to focus on luring him to my house. I can’t be too forward, he may be suspicious.

“So why are you here so often?” I ask him as I take a sip from my drink. I almost cough from the strength of the drink, it tastes like fuel, it’s disgusting.

“Let’s just say I like to meet new people, more specifically, women.” He winks at me. Gods his wife is such a lucky woman.

I look at him up and down, if I were to describe his features in one word it would be boring. Nothing about him stands out really, he must have a lot of money if he is able to get so many other women to sleep with him... He clearly lived in the capital because he is obviously well fed.

“You really like yourself, don’t you?” I ask him.

“Women love confidence,” He continues to smile smugly down at me, “Got you to talk to me, didn’t I?”

Ugh, I don’t know how much more of this I can take, “That’s true,” I smile sweetly up at him, “I don’t think you mentioned your name yet.”

“Right you are,” He chuckles and puts down his drink to hold out his hand to me, “I’m Robert, what’s your name?”

Robert huh? An alias perhaps. It’s this guy though, I know I recognized his voice as the man that rode off with Celeste.

“(Y/n/n).” I say as I hold my hand out to him, I assume to shake. But he grabs it gently and brings it to his lips, “What a unique name, (y/n/n).”

With him standing closer to me now I can see he has peculiar grey eyes. Darker than the ones my mother and siblings have. They look soulless, no light or any kind of expression in them at all. I can’t help but think I have seen them before... And not from out in the woods since I was too far away. This just gives me even more cause to think I met him in my time in the capital.

I throw back the drink he bought me and it makes him chuckle again, “Slow down there, beautiful. We have all night, what’s the rush?”

I step closer to him, close enough for my lingering lavender scent to catch his attention, “It was very nice meeting you, I always love meeting a man in uniform who enjoys listening to me play the piano.”

I can hear him swallow hard as I step even closer to him, I place my hand on one of his arms, “I do appreciate a man who has good taste in music.”

I look up a him again and bite my lip gently as he stares down at me. I reach up and brush my fingers through his hair and pull his face closer to mine.

“I wonder if you have other ‘tastes’ that are similar to mine.” I whisper seductively to him as I bite at his earlobe.

He moves his lips to kiss mine, but instead I bite lightly at his lower lip and tug on it gently. I can hear him let out a groan and I try really hard not to cringe. But I have to play my role to lure him to my house.

I sigh heavily and back away from his, “Thank you for the drink, Robert,” I say as I put some distance between the 2 of us, “But it’s getting late, I need to head home. See you.”

“Wait!” I hear him scramble after me. Yep, still got it.

I turn around casually to look at him, “For what?”

“Well, I can’t have a beautiful young woman like yourself walking home on your own,” He says as he rubs the back of his neck, “There are some dangerous people out there.”

Yeah, you being on of them. 

“Thanks, but I got here just fine of my own,” I tease him, “Bye.”

Krause grabs onto my arm, “Wait, it’s much later now. There are some rough people that hang out in Trost at this time of night. Plus, I’m a solider, you’re safe with me.”

Yeah, safe like a rabbit in the care of a wolf, “Okay,” I shrug at his offer, “Let’s go then.”

**Hange’s POV**

“I guess the best thing to do would be to get Dimo Reeves to pick them up someway,” I say thoughtfully, “I mean the MPs don’t know the Reeves Company is cooperating with us, so they should still trust them for now.”

“Yeah,” Erwin nods in return, “We’ll have to think of something with Reeves though. We don’t know exactly what their interactions are like, or how often they meet up. It will be difficult for us to think up a reasonable scenario they would fall for.”

We were finally all together at the new location, the cottage itself is smaller than the last one we were in, but it will do for now. We can only do short term stays from now on, have to keep moving.

Everyone was busy chatting amongst themselves, waiting to see if (y/n) will actually show up. I am starting to get a little worried. I have had a thought nagging at the back of my mind that she probably won’t show up. But I’m trying to brush that thought aside and hope for the best.

“Did you really speak to (y/n), or did you just say that to get Erwin and I to sit in the same room so you could talk to us at the same time?” Levi grumbled at me.

“Well, that is a good point, it is much easier going over plans with the both of you here. It gets pretty tiresome going back and forth from you and Erwin.” I ponder his theory.

“Seriously, Hange?” Erwin sighs, “I do have other things I have to do, if you didn’t actually speak with her-“

“Relax,” I laugh, “Yes, I did see her and yes I did speak to her. I wouldn’t lie about that just to get you here for convenience, “Erwin.”

“I’m getting another drink.” Levi sighs as he stands up from the table.

“You 2 have been getting along better than ever.” Erwin notes sarcastically.

“Yeah, well you both have been giving me the cold shoulder since (y/n) left,” I shrug, “I guess I’m used to it at this point.”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin responds quietly, “I haven’t been fair to you.”

... Eh?! Did Erwin really just apologize to me?! I never thought that would happen. He does seem a little bit more at ease this evening I have noticed. Is it because he is excited about the thought of seeing (y/n).. Or does he know something I don’t..

“YEAGER!” I jump when I hear Levi yell at Eren, “What did I say about kicking your boots out before coming inside?! There’s fucking filth everywhere!”

I see Eren tense up from next to me as Levi’s eyes follow the barely noticeable trail of dirt that leads to Eren’s seat. As Eren goes to stand up and receive Levi’s lecture and clean up the mess he unknowingly made I interrupt him.

I put my hand on Eren’s arm, “Sorry Levi, that was me,” I giggle nervously, “My bad, I was in a hurry to sit down.”

Levi glares at me menacingly, “Clean it the fuck up.” He growls as he stomps toward the kitchen again.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Eren thanked me quietly.

“Don’t worry about it,” I reassure him, “Let him sit and glower at me, I’m used to it.”

“So what did you say to convince (y/n) to come?” Armin asked me from the other side of Eren.

“Well, I told her I had Eren and Historia hidden at her house for the day during our mission, and that this evening she should meet us at our new hideout. I said it would be good for everyone if she just stops by and prove to everyone she is still alive.”

Armin stares thoughtfully off into space, I wonder what’s on his mind...

“Armin, is-“

“HANGE! CLEAN IT UP!” Levi yelled as he sat back down at the table.

“Alright, alright,” I stand up from my seat, “No need for that.”

I go grab the broom and sweep up the tracks Eren left near the door and around the table. I hope (y/n) shows up soon, I don’t know how much more of this they can handle.

**Your POV**

“Cute house.” Krause comments as he waits for me to unlock the door.

“Thanks.” I respond in a monotone voice, indicating how over I am of his constant chatter. He talks a lot and yet has nothing to say. I hate it.

“Well,” I sigh and turn to look at him, “Thank you for escorting me back home, good night, Robert.” I’m still playing hard to get, it seems to excite him more.

“Umm,” He says hurriedly, “Maybe I should come in and, you know, make sure no one has broken in while you were away.”

I push the door open and gesture for him to enter my house, “After you.”

He steps into the dark house, “Where are your candles?” He chuckles nervously, “I can’t see a thing.”

“I’ll get them,” I tell him as I push him toward the kitchen area, “Have a seat, I’ll be right back.”

I hear the scrapping of a chair as he pulls one out from the table and sits down. I find my box of matches in the kitchen and quickly light up a few candles around the room.

“Where did you go, beautiful?” I hear him call to me, “Don’t go too far, you don’t know what can be hiding in the dark. Come back here and let me see you.”

“Sure.” I respond. I put the matches back and grab the bow I brought with me and one of my arrows. I take off my wig and shake my (h/l) (h/c) loose, and I ready my bow and arrow, “Turn around.”

Krause stands up from his chair and turns around to face me. Once he sees me his face falls, mouth agape, in shock to see me there.

“No way.” He whispered.

“Do not move an inch,” I warn him, “If you do, I won’t hesitate to shoot. Understand?”

“What do you want, (y/n)?” He asked me, eyes narrowing into an icy glare.

“Answers,” I reply, building the tension in my bow’s string, “Where shall I start?”


End file.
